Family of Blood
by Shakespeare's Lemonade
Summary: After dealing with Metatron and the Mark of Cain, the boys face a new problem: vampires. The Alpha is attempting to rebuild his empire, and he has his sights set on one who was once his. But Dean isn't about to go down easy, and he's got more help than even he realizes. Still, it may not be enough to save him and everyone he cares about. AU of season 9 finale. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue: Six Months Ago

Family of Blood

Shakespeare's Lemonade

Rating: T

Genre: Horror/Family/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: After dealing with Metatron and the Mark of Cain, the boys face a new problem: vampires. The Alpha is attempting to rebuild his empire, and he has his sights set on one who was once his. But Dean isn't about to go down easy or follow anyone else's plan, and he's got more help than even he realizes. Still, it may not be enough to save him and everyone he cares about.

A/N: This came about from a subplot in my other story "The One I'm Fighting For" where Dean encounters the Alpha around chapters 17-20. I didn't really have time, nor did the plot allow, for me to expand on the idea, so we have this. Which is probably better anyway because I can do a lot more with it than I could have in that story.

This story takes place after season 9. I deal with the events of the season finale in the prologue with a few deviations for the sake of the plot, so this is a little bit AU.

Originally, this was rated M because of the violence, but I think it's probably okay for most readers over 13. If anyone thinks otherwise, I can always change it back.

Pairings: Benny/Lenore, Castiel/Meg

Warnings: Vampire!Dean, strong violence throughout, occasional language, implied sex.

_Prologue: six months ago_

His first feeling, odd as it seemed, was that the whole world looked different. The world had been looking different so gradually for so long, but this was the first time he was complete aware of it. He knew what he was, what he was feeling. It was all so clear.

There was anger. A lot of it. But more than that, he was relieved. To finally know what was happening to him. To not be dead. It was a weird feeling, but at least he could make a somewhat intelligent decision now.

"Where's Sam?"

Dean wasn't surprised that those were the first words out of his mouth, even though he hadn't consciously thought them before he spoke.

"Weren't you listening?" Crowley replied. "I just explained everything."

"I was coming back to life. It's not the easiest job. I'm sorry I was a little distracted."

"Sam's in the dungeon. Summoning me. You should come too; I want to see his face."

"You think this is funny?"

"I think you're handling it rather well."

"This isn't permanent."

"Ah. Denial. Shall we, then?"

Dean moved toward the door, and Crowley rolled his eyes.

"You know you don't have to walk," he said.

"Shut up."

Dean closed the door behind him. Crowley would follow him or snap his fingers or whatever. Dean didn't care. He didn't want to spring this on Sam that way. As he headed down the stairs he could hear voices. Sam sounded urgent, and it was strange to be on this side of things. To be the one whose life was being begged for. By comparison, Crowley was unconcerned. Of course he was. He was probably thrilled about this new development. It wouldn't last. They'd fix this. Dean could get rid of the Mark. He could be human again.

At first, Sam didn't turn around when Dean entered the dungeon. He was too focused on trying to understand Crowley's vague explanation for what happened to Dean. When he did turn, Sam wore an expression Dean had forgotten he had. It had been so long since Sam looked relieved, happy even. He hugged Dean, which Dean knew was supposed to be a good thing. It was supposed to feel warm and welcoming, and maybe because it was supposed to, it did. There was something... good... about it. But it was more in Dean's head. He _knew_ it was good. He didn't _feel_ much of anything.

So, he pushed Sam away, more firmly than he would have thought he'd ever do. He looked Sam in the eye, and he still saw that optimism. There was no inkling in Sam's face of the fact that something terrible had occurred.

"What happened?" he asked. "How are you even alive?"

"Sam... I—I'm not the same." Dean thought this should have been easier. He wasn't sure where he got that idea. "I'm..."

_I'm a demon. Just say it. It's not that hard._

"What, Dean? Whatever it is, we can handle it." Sam was still looking at the bright side. "I know you said the Mark was making you into something else, but we can stop it."

"It's already done." Dean wasn't really surprised at the flat tone in his voice. "It's too late."

"But you're still alive. We can fix it."

Maybe they could. But would Sam want to? There was only one way to know. Dean closed his eyes for a moment. Longer than he needed to, but he wasn't ready for this. When he opened them again, the world looked sharper around the edges. Sam stumbled back, the shock and revulsion on his face erasing any of the previous sentiments he was feeling. The way he looked at Dean, the utter contempt didn't hurt as much as Dean thought it would because he always thought Sam felt that way anyway.

"As I was saying," Crowley interrupted. "This wasn't exactly the plan, but it's not such a bad thing. Think of all the things you'll be able to do, the places you can go—"

"Shut up," Sam said, never taking his eyes of Dean. "We can fix this. Dean, we _know_ how to fix this."

When Dean blinked, the world returned to normal, and Sam didn't look half as repulsed as he had before. "Are you serious?"

"Think about it. I almost did it before. I know how."

"But won't that put you back on track to burning up from the inside?"

"I don't think so. Cas healed the last traces of it. And it was the third trial, so it wouldn't start it up again. You have to do them in order."

"You'll end up getting yourselves killed," Crowley muttered, but no one paid him any attention.

"So you could make me normal again?" Dean was still incredulous.

"Well, it might be a bit more complicated with the Mark, but it's the same idea, isn't it?"

"What if I can't be cured? What if it just kills you?"

"I have to try. We can't leave you like this, let you turn into something you're not."

"I don't know what I am."

"Then let me bring you back. I can do this, Dean."

"This is insanity," Crowley grumbled.

"Shut up," Sam and Dean said in unison.

**~oOo~**

Sam couldn't remember exactly what the old church was like the last time he was there. Everything had started to get blurry a few doses into the cure, and by the end of it he was so drained he could barely think straight. Maybe that was why he had stopped. Maybe if he'd been in his right mind, he would have finished it and left Dean to deal with the fallout. Maybe not. It wasn't as if he would ever know now.

But he did remember the feel of it. That old, sacred feeling. That hadn't changed. And this time, Sam would finish. He would cure Dean even if it killed him because it would be better to die than to let his brother be condemned. Again.

Dean was quiet on the way there. He had told Sam to get the chains and anything else to keep him in place. He didn't know what kind of abnormal powers the Mark gave him, but he didn't want to risk anything.

As Sam reluctantly secured Dean in place, there was a moment of breathless silence. Neither of them said anything, but there was something waiting to be said.

Finally, Dean broke the silence. "Whatever happens," he said, " no matter what I say... don't stop, okay?"

"I won't." Sam wished they didn't have to talk about this.

"I mean it, Sam. Don't listen to me. Don't stop until it's done or..."

"Or you're dead, you mean? Dean, if we're gonna die... we're gonna be us, okay? I'm not letting you go like this."

Sam stood up and walked back to the rundown confessional where he had spilled out all his sins the last time. Once again, he spoke them aloud, knowing Dean could hear him. Sam wanted him to hear.

When he was finished, he returned to the small table to prepare the first dose of Dean's cure, refusing to allow himself to imagine a scenario where it didn't work.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Dean said quietly. "I don't really know what that means, but I'm sorry."

Sam nodded, still facing away from his brother. "I know," he said. "And when we're done here, we'll work it all out, we'll go back to the way things were when... when it was just you and me."

Sam turned around, holding the needle, but trying not to look too threatening. Dean smiled a sad, longing smile, and Sam pushed the needle into his neck.

**~oOo~**

Metatron's body wasn't cold on the floor before Gadreel had addressed the entire angel population, informing them of what had happened. Their leader had betrayed them. He was using them, trying to control Heaven and make himself a god, all of which they heard on the angel radio before Gadreel had managed to break free and stop Metatron from killing Castiel.

None of the three angels in the office knew what was going to happen next. The doorway was still closed, but there were plenty of angels who had been loyal to Metatron right outside. Hannah locked the doors to give them time to decide on their next move, but it was unlikely the rest of the angels would choose to trust Gadreel and Castiel like she had. And even she had needed convincing.

"We did the right thing," she said, more to herself than the others.

"We have created a power vacuum," Gadreel replied matter-of-factly. "We need a leader. Now, before the factions start up again."

"But who is qualified?" Castiel said. "Who has the power and the decency to give them what they need?"

No one pointed out the way Gadreel said "we" and Castiel said "them," but it was an obvious distinction. Castiel would not, nor could not, be a leader of angels. Metatron had been right when he said that Castiel was too concerned with two little humans to put the needs of his own people above them.

Hannah seemed to be thinking about that fact as she paced the soft carpet. She stopped suddenly and looked at Gadreel. "You are the only one strong enough," she said. "The only one who could unite us now."

Gadreel shook his head, not looking at Hannah. "I cannot. All the things I have done..."

"You came back. You saved us from Metatron's plans."

"You haven't done half the evil you think you have," Castiel said. He could see Hannah's point. Gadreel was older than most of them, he still held to the ancient ways of doing things, the ways that had kept the peace until very recently. Perhaps he could take them back there. "And anyway," Castiel went on. "There are only a few humans who will never forgive you, and you don't have to answer to them. But I do. So I think I should go."

"You won't stay and help us rebuild?" Hannah asked.

"I have done enough damage. Of course I will help you any way I can from Earth, but that is where I belong. Where I should stay."

"You would abandon your family for a human?"

Castiel gave Hannah a sympathetic look. "I did so a long time ago, I just never realized it fully until now. Perhaps if I had, it would have saved everyone a lot of pain."

Gadreel stood from where he was leaning against the desk and met Castiel's gaze. "Go, brother," he said. "But always know that as long as I live, you may return."

Yes, Gadreel was meant to be the angels' leader. Maybe he didn't know it yet. Maybe he was starting to. Either way, Heaven was in as good hands as Castiel could leave it.

"Thank you," he said. "If you ever need me, don't hesitate."

Castiel walked to the doors and opened them, gazing out into the faces of angels who had once followed him. They all stared as he passed, then noticing Hannah and Gadreel behind him. When they reached the portal, Gadreel told the guards to allow Castiel to return to Earth and to open up the doors so that anyone could come and go. They obeyed.

**~oOo~**

Anger. Hate. Fear.

Dean was seeing red. Literally. There was a rusty tint to the images around him: blackened, distorted things that had little resemblance to how he remembered the world. But it was all he could see now. All he could feel. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he wanted this, that Sam was trying to save him. But sometimes, he couldn't control the things that came out of his mouth.

The chains held him, which was almost a shock, but he could do far more damage with his words. Because he knew Sam, knew what he feared, what he wanted, what he loved. And as a demon, Dean had perfect clarity on how to exploit those weaknesses, as he thought of them at the time. He didn't even remember everything he said, but he remembered the look in Sam's eyes as he continued plunging in the needle anyway.

It had been too long. Longer than the eight hours it was supposed to take. Dean's throat was hoarse from screaming, but he didn't feel it like a human would feel it. Pain of that sort didn't bother him now.

Sometimes, Dean had moments of clarity, and he noticed that Sam wasn't just tired and weary of the verbal arrows Dean flung at him. He was in pain. Physical pain, yes, but something more than that too. He was sad. And it was one such moment that Dean realized why: he hated seeing his brother like this. Just as Dean had hated leaving Sam in Bobby's panic room when he was on demon blood. This was like that. At least, Dean thought so. He wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Time seemed to have no meaning. All that existed was blood and pain. It was like Hell in that, only it was too quiet. Dean's tormentor didn't taunt him or offer him any respite. He just went on in silence, never stopping to rest, even between doses. It was as if he were afraid to close his eyes and let go of his fragile control.

It was probably 16 hours in when Dean was certain he was going to die. A deep gnawing feeling was spreading from his gut, like he was being eaten from the inside. Sam's blood was burning in his veins, pumping through his dead heart. His pulse raced, but more than that his essence felt as if it were being consumed. It got worse with each new dose until it was all Dean could do to keep his head up and eyes open. Death would be a relief. Even if he were destined for Hell, it was better than this. This twisting and changing and undoing of his very soul.

Dean was too far gone to realize that was a good thing.

It all ended in light. Beautiful, excruciating light.

**~oOo~**

When Castiel returned to the bunker, he was surprised to find it empty except for Crowley, who was sitting in one of the cushioned chairs in the library. He was drinking from a crystal glass and looking mildly annoyed.

"Wasn't expecting you back so soon," he said. "Don't you have a bunch of angels to babysit?"

"Where is Sam?" Castiel said, ignoring the question.

"I thought you had a crush on the other one?" Crowley smirked at his own joke.

"Metatron told me..."

Crowley raised his eyebrows. "That Dean was dead? Well, that's up for debate."

"Are they at the hospital?"

"This isn't that sort of thing."

"_Do_ you know where they are?" Castiel was beginning to lose his patience if he had any for Crowley to begin with.

"Perhaps."

"What do you want? What could you possibly want from _me_?"

"Assuming I tell you where the Winchesters have gone to, you would do me the favor of stopping them."

"Stopping them?"

"Yes. I have reason to believe that the *ahem* procedure Sam is attempting on Dean will only lead to a bigger mess which I will undoubtedly have to clean up. If I tell you where they are, you will stop them. It serves both our interests, really. You potentially save their lives, and I have things the way they're supposed to be."

"What things? Does this have to do with the Mark of Cain?"

"Why would you think that?"

"What other interest do you have in Dean? You want him to be your weapon, and Sam is trying to save him. Why would I stop them?"

"Because they may very well end up dead as a result. Which would you rather?"

Castiel knew that his friends _would_ rather be dead than enslaved to Crowley, but he wasn't about to say that to ruin his chances of finding and maybe helping them. He could agree. He could say he would try to stop them. He just wouldn't try very hard.

"If I promise to try, you'll tell me where they are?"

"That is the deal. No going back on this one. You're not nearly strong enough for a fight with me."

"I will," Castiel said. "I'll do what I can to save them. Now where are they?"

Crowley smiled as if he'd won some great prize. "You remember the old church they dragged me to? They've been there almost 24 hours now. I'm assuming it's taking longer because Cain was no ordinary demon."

Demon. Dean was a demon. Castiel ran from the room, never having wished more strongly to have his wings back.

**~oOo~**

When it was over, Sam could barely stand to unlock the chains. He'd lost a lot of blood, but it was more than that. It was the angry red needle marks on Dean's neck overlapping each other. It was Sam's blood running down Dean's face. It was the way Dean slumped over as if dead, and Sam didn't have the energy to check if he were alive. He just unlocked the shackles and let them fall to the floor, believing that soon enough, Dean would wake up. He would open his eyes, and Sam would see bright green, not black.

Maybe Sam was tired because he'd been hyper-alert for the last 24+ hours. He actually couldn't remember the last time he slept. He had tunnel vision, and he felt cold. But he had to make sure. He couldn't collapse until he was absolutely finished.

As the last of the chains came off, Dean fell forward and Sam caught him. He moaned softly. He was alive. But they weren't out of the woods yet. Dean's skin was burning, and when Sam touched his arm, he let out another muffled cry of pain. Sam pushed back Dean's sleeve and saw that where the Mark of Cain had once been, a massive infection had formed. That would explain the fever. And Dean would be dehydrated and weak. Sam hadn't really thought this far ahead when he was just trying to make his brother human again.

"Sammy..." Dean's voice was faint, as if it were coming from a long way off.

"It's okay Dean," Sam said. "You've got an infection in your arm. I'm gonna take care of it."

Sam managed to pull Dean out of the chair and slide him across the floor so he could lean him against the wall. A brief moment of sharp focus allowed Sam to see that Dean really wasn't looking good. His face was whiter than it should have been, and his eyes had thick black circles around them. Maybe all the blood on his face wasn't just Sam's.

Sam hurried out to the car to get the emergency kit they always carried. A surge of energy hit him as he realized that he was finally doing something to heal Dean rather than hurt him. He also grabbed more holy water, towels, and whatever painkillers he could find.

When he got back into the church, Dean had fallen over on his side, and his eyes were closed. For a second, Sam feared the worst, but then he saw that Dean was still breathing steadily, and he started to work. First, he sterilized the demon knife, thinking it would be the best to open the infected area to let it drain. He took one of the bowls, normally used for spells and placed it under Dean's arm. As soon as the blade touched his skin, Dean jolted back to consciousness. Sam had to hold him still to keep him from hurting himself. But maybe it was a good thing he was awake.

Sam grabbed the painkillers and some water and gave them to Dean. "This will help," he said.

Dean took them without question. It didn't look like he had the energy to make much of a protest.

Turning back to Dean's arm, Sam noticed that an ugly puss-like substance was beginning to flow from the small cut. But it needed to be bigger. Sam just used the tip of the knife to cut a longer incision in Dean's skin. He didn't flinch this time, but Sam could feel his muscles tense up. The substance continued to flow, going from a beige color to darker brown the more it came. And there was blood in it too. Sam had been expecting that. He used the holy water to flush the wound, hoping that would help remove the evil this infection embodied.

Not long into this process, Dean's breathing became shallow. Whether from pain or something else, Sam wasn't sure he wanted to know. Dean's eyes were unfocused and glassy, and a blanket of sweat covered his face.

"It's not gonna come out," he said with surprising clarity.

"What are you talking about?" Sam replied. "It's going fine."

"No... I can feel it, Sammy. It's... got a hold on me. It won't let go."

"Dean, I'm pouring holy water all over you, and it's not hurting you. You drank it." Sam wasn't sure what good logic would do right now, but it was his default when he couldn't think straight otherwise.

Dean swallowed hard and stared upwards with his head laid back against the wall. "I'm sorry," he said. "Sorry you had to..."

"It's fine, Dean." Sam was a little busy to listen to this right now.

"No it's not," Dean argued. "I know... what it's like. Hurting you... because it's the only way to help."

Sam suddenly realized that Dean wasn't talking about anything recent. He wasn't talking about how it was all his fault and how much he always screwed things up. He was talking about the panic room. About Bobby's house. Five years ago. Dean knew what it felt like to watch his brother suffer without being able to stop it. And he'd gone through that twice.

"You asked me to do this," Sam said, not looking at Dean's face. "You said no matter what... I had to. It's gonna be okay."

Dean seemed to be losing the breath to speak every passing second. "If it's not..." he said. "If it's not... it's okay."

If it's not okay, it's okay? Dean wasn't thinking straight. He was exhausted and fighting off whatever hold the Mark still had on him. He'd be fine as soon as the last of it drained out.

It kept coming, though. Sam had to get more water, and worried about running out. He thought about cutting the skin open wider, but he didn't want to push any of that substance into Dean's body. He needed something to draw out that poisonous ooze, but he didn't have anything on hand. Hot water would help, but he had no way to heat it. He thought about getting Dean in the car and taking him home where they had more supplies, but he wasn't sure he could stay focused enough to drive, or if Dean would live through it. He just didn't know. And that was enough to keep him crouching there on the floor, watching and waiting.

There was more blood now, and Sam wasn't sure if that were a good thing. It could mean that the infection was almost out of Dean's system, or this could all just be a surface problem. The Mark had never just been a blight on Dean's skin. Maybe this was all just external. Maybe Sam could heal Dean's wound, but the Mark would still be there on the inside, seared into Dean's soul.

Sam couldn't think like that. He hadn't come all this way to save his brother only to give up now. This was what they did. They pushed through the pain and fear and exhaustion, and they made it to the other side. They would survive this. They had to. Sam needed to have his brother back. He needed to know they could be like they were before the lies and the fighting. He needed to know that all they had sacrificed had been worth it because at least they still had each other. They had to still have that.

There was nothing but blood now. Maybe too much of it, but Sam could hardly see straight. He did his best to clean and bandage the wound.

How long had it been since he started? An hour? It didn't matter. It was a funny feeling to realize he'd had two hours of sleep in the last four days. Or was it five? Didn't matter.

He couldn't last much longer. Sam cleared away the odds and ends of his impromptu medical experiment until he was left with just himself and Dean sitting against the wall, shoulder to shoulder. Dean was still barely conscious, but he hadn't said anything in a long time. His breathing sounded halfway normal again, and his skin didn't feel so hot. Sam managed to get him to drink a bit more water, and then realized he should probably have some too.

As he set the empty container aside, Sam felt Dean's head fall onto his shoulder. But Sam wasn't alarmed. Dean was just tired. He was going to be fine. Maybe that's what Sam told himself so he wouldn't feel guilty letting his own head rest against Dean's and closing his eyes. Just for a minute.

**~oOo~**

When Castiel arrived at the church, he already knew he was too late to stop whatever was going to happen. He couldn't feel any demonic presence, and even in his weakened state, he should have been able to sense it. Whether that was a good thing remained to be seen. Sam could have failed. Dean could be gone.

But the car was outside, and even as a demon, Dean wouldn't have left that. Would he?

Upon entering the building, Castiel got his answer. Sam and Dean were both asleep against the wall left of the doors. It had worked. They were still alive, though they looked severely weakened from the ordeal. That wasn't important. They would be okay. Castiel could help them recover. For the moment, their enemies were dead. They had time to regroup.

The one thing that concerned Castiel was the poorly wrapped bandage on Dean's arm that was seeping blood. But Castiel wasn't about to adjust it with the way Dean's arm was wedged between their bodies. Sam, at least, would wake up—and probably shoot first.

So, Castiel set to cleaning up the mess Sam had left. He found a bowl full of something rather disgusting that he thought had best be burned. He took it outside for that, because as much as it smelled now, it would certainly be much worse when fire was added to the equation. While he was outside, Castiel put away the weapons and equipment Sam had used. He was sure to clean them and put them back where they belonged in the trunk of the Impala. Dean would want his armory to be in order the next time he used it.

By the time Castiel went back inside, Sam was awake and blinking in confusion. "How did you find us?" he asked quietly, so as not to wake Dean who was still sleeping on his shoulder.

"Crowley," Castiel replied. "He made me promise I would try to stop you if he told me."

"You were going to try to stop me?"

"Not very hard."

Sam smiled. "It worked you know."

"I know."

"He's gonna be okay." It almost sounded as if Sam were trying to convince himself.

So, Castiel crossed the room and touched Dean's forehead. He felt the slightest twinge of darkness left in him, but it would fade. It had been killed by the purity of Sam's blood. "Yes," Castiel said. "Dean will be perfectly well."

As if sensing that he was being talked about, Dean stirred and opened his eyes. He seemed disoriented at first, then a bit uncomfortable. Castiel thought it might have something to do with personal space, so he took a step back.

"We don't have to talk about this do we?" he asked, turning to Sam.

Sam grinned. "What, you falling asleep on me? No, we don't have to talk about that."

Sam got up from the floor and helped Dean to his feet. The latter was still rather wobbly. Sam fixed the bandage, and Dean didn't try to resist. He looked like he was still asleep with his eyes open.

"I can take you home," Castiel said, and Sam gave him the keys to the Impala.

Dean didn't seem to care about being put in the backseat, and Sam looked like he was about to fall over from the exertion of helping his brother walk the ten feet from the church doors. As such, Castiel wasn't surprised that the two of them fell asleep again on the drive back to the bunker. Of course, as soon as they stopped, Sam and Dean woke again. Sam began to help Castiel get Dean out of the back, but Castiel told him he could take care of it. Not that it was particularly easy to half carry Dean through the door and down the stairs into the bunker. But Sam looked like he was about to faint, so it was a necessary inconvenience.

As they reached the lower level, Crowley came out of the library looking thoroughly irked.

"I thought we had a deal?" he said to Castiel.

"I was too late," Castiel replied. "I didn't break my promise. Not that I'm particularly bothered by that fact."

"Of course not. You'd have found a way out of it anyway."

"What are you still doing here?" It wasn't just a question. It was the way Castiel said it with the slightest hint of _leave or I'll make you_.

Crowley made a show of acting as if he didn't care before snapping his fingers and disappearing. Castiel couldn't have fought him anyway. It was an empty threat.

Castiel managed to get Dean to his bed and made sure he was all right before sending Sam off to sleep as well, promising to keep an eye on things while they slept. If either of them had wanted to argue, they didn't show it.

Castiel returned to the library and sat in the chair Crowley had vacated. After the events of the past several days, he finally had time to think. Metatron was dead. The Mark of Cain had been dealt with. Gadreel would find a way to open Heaven completely again. It seemed as if things were going a little too well. There had been losses, of course. Kevin Tran was dead. Castiel was still living on borrowed grace, and that couldn't last forever. He would deal with that later. At the moment, he felt tired. Not the same kind of tired he had felt as a human, but something more fundamental. He was weary. As if he had lived too long, and his body just hadn't realized it yet.

All troubles for another day. For now, Castiel would just be happy that Sam and Dean were okay and that he could stay with them for the foreseeable future. When the time came, they would work out these issues together.

That thought made him smile. Castiel had never felt more at home, more like he belonged, than when he was with these two incomparable humans.

* * *

**This prologue doesn't get into the main story line because I had to deal with some stuff first to set things up, so we'll get to the vampires in chapter one.**


	2. Cold Blood

**Chapter One "Cold Blood"**

"The cure's not working."

Dean's voice was hollow and tight. He huddled in a dark corner of the room. Castiel had long since covered up the tiny windows and formulated a contingency plan. Not that he mentioned this last detail to Dean. He wouldn't suggest it until there was no other option.

"Are you certain?" Castiel asked, standing a good distance away because even his blood had a strong scent to Dean.

"It shouldn't take this long," Dean said. "It's been three days."

"Maybe it takes longer with the Alpha." It could. There was no telling.

"Or maybe there's no cure for his blood." Which was admittedly more likely.

Castiel wasn't about to give up, though. "Give it a little more time."

"Cas?" There was something else in Dean's voice that Castiel didn't notice before. Fear. "If it doesn't work..."

"It will." Castiel knew what Dean would say, and he wanted to beat him to it, to offer his own solution that wouldn't end with one of them dead.

Dean let it go for the moment, and Castiel was thankful he didn't have to make the suggestion that he knew would lead to an argument. Arguing with a very thirsty vampire didn't seem like a good idea.

The whole thing was painful to watch. Ever since drinking the cure, Dean had been displaying various signs of illness. He was shaking and sweating and even convulsing at times. There was a sharp smell that Castiel's angel senses translated into individual molecules rather than the offensive stench it would have been. The black substance Dean vomited up the first day stained the concrete floor and reeked of diseased blood.

But since that first day, there hadn't been any change. Dean hadn't moved from his corner where he shivered and clawed at the walls in his own private Hell. His secondary teeth were still there, and the light still hurt him. It was almost as if the cure made him worse.

Castiel held out hope even if Dean didn't. Perhaps _because _he didn't. In that, their roles seem to have reversed. Dean was always the one saying that things would work out, that they'd find a way.

There were a few things to be optimistic about. The Alpha hadn't counted on Castiel backing Dean up. That was a fluke more than anything. Sam had wanted to follow up on something from a previous case, so Dean had asked Castiel for help with a mysterious vampire problem. It turned out to be a trap to catch Dean, due to some prior experience of becoming a vampire that Castiel still wasn't quite clear on.

But he didn't need to know the details. All he knew was that he wasn't going to let the monster win. Maybe he couldn't bring Dean back to humanity, but he wouldn't give up on him. His plan required speed. He couldn't let Dean think about it too much or he would say no. It was a long shot to begin with.

Castiel was torn. He wanted to keep Dean in sight, but it was so difficult to watch him suffer like this when he used to be able to make it stop with a touch. There wasn't much Castiel wouldn't give to have his old power back. To be his old self. But even that couldn't save Dean from what he was going through. It was then Castiel remembered something Dean had said to him once. When humans wanted something, they lied. Castiel would have to lie to Dean for his plan to work. And Castiel was not a good liar.

Another day passed with no change in Dean's condition, and he had begun to sink into fits of violent incoherence. It might be a lot easier to let nature take it's course, but Castiel knew Dean could never live with himself if that happened. It was time for the plan to go into action. Castiel waited for one of Dean's rare lucid moments before approaching him. Even then, it was dangerous. He could never know when Dean would lose himself to the bloodlust again. This had to be quick.

"Cas..." Dean's voice was faint, as if speaking aloud might shatter him from the inside out. "Cas, you're gonna have to do it. I can't... I can't..."

What Dean couldn't do was left a mystery as he trailed off, pulling his knees tight into his chest and leaning his head against the concrete wall.

"I have an idea," Castiel said softly.

"No," Dean muttered. "It won't work."

Castiel had to think for a moment what would be the best way to convince Dean, and he realized he had known all along. "I'll make you a deal, Dean," he said. "You try my way first. If that doesn't work, then I promise... I will do it."

Dean's eyebrows raised in surprise. "What's your way?" he asked.

Castiel smiled vaguely and held out a cup of blood he had brought with him.

Dean recoiled. "No. I can't. I won't."

"I can assure you, the donor is alive and well. Just try it. If you still want me to afterward... I'll do it. I'll kill you."

"What good is blood gonna do me?"

"This is special. Please trust me."

"Why should I?"

"Because I have no motive other than not being forced to kill my best friend."

"Yeah, and I've done some crazy things to keep people alive."

"I'm not you. The only person this could possibly hurt is... well, no one." There was the lie. It could hurt. Maybe. Somewhere down the road. But not right now. Right now, if Dean drank, he would live and Castiel would not lose him. That was all that mattered.

"Please try," Castiel said. If he was right, Dean would react favorably to begging. If Castiel had the influence he hoped he did. "You have nothing to lose."

At this point, even if Dean wanted to, he couldn't resist. It may have been the smell of blood, the days of unquenched thirst, or the pleas of a friend. Castiel chose to believe it was a little of all of them.

Dean reached out a shaking hand. His grip became surprisingly steady once he held the cup. Maybe this went against everything he believed in, but considering that Dean didn't believe in much of anything, drinking a little blood couldn't damage his conscience much more than it already had been.

As soon as the liquid touched his tongue, a hint of realization affected Dean's eyes, but also an overpowering hunger. He knew now what he was drinking, but he was too thirsty to care. He would regain his senses soon, and he would not be happy. But he would be alive.

It didn't take long for the glassy quality to leave Dean's eyes, for some color to return to his skin, though not as vibrant as he once was. There was a darkness to him now. A vacancy. He stood much more quickly than Castiel would have thought him able. He stretched his arms and retracted his teeth. That brief moment's respite was all there was to be. Dean's expression turned stormy, and Castiel knew his plan had been far from successful.

"It was _yours_?" Dean asked. His voice is back to its usual booming tone, with more than a hint of ferocity.

"I see its effects are quite rapid."

"You gave me your blood, and that's not supposed to hurt anyone? Cas, you're already weak."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. But it doesn't matter. I could never live like that. I can't..."

"It helped you, didn't it? You're stronger, and it didn't take much."

"Sure, it feels great now, but what happens when I need more? When I can't control it anymore? You said no one could get hurt, but you're wrong."

"Do you think I could be so easily destroyed?"

"Yes."

That was it then. Castiel felt a sickening lurch in his stomach. He had known Dean suspected something about his wellbeing, but he had hoped the benefits would outweigh the concerns in this instance. But perhaps he had underestimated Dean's conscience after all. It was just possible that Dean never intended to live as a vampire, no matter the outcome, and only drank the blood to humor Castiel.

"Cas, I'm sorry." Dean was no longer challenging. He was quiet again. "I'd never ask you to do this, but there's no other choice."

"What about Sam? You should see him."

"I can't. It would only make this worse. It has to be now before either of us has a chance to back out."

"Dean, I don't think I can."

"You have to. You promised..."

That much was not a lie. Castiel had made a promise, and he intended to keep it, though the consequences would surely haunt him for the remainder of his existence. He looked at his friend, so changed by his recent ordeal, and yet still the same Dean Winchester he had always been. The enormity of his task came crashing in on Castiel, and had he been a lesser man, he would have backed out then and there. But he couldn't fail Dean now. Even when keeping his promise felt like failure of the worst kind.

Castiel crossed the small room and embraced Dean. It seemed like the proper moment.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "If I'd only been faster..."

"It wasn't your fault," Dean replied, and the took a step back. "Tell Sam... tell him goodbye for me, and..."

Castiel nodded. "I will." He knew what the _and _stood for.

"You two should probably stick together, you know?"

"Yes. I won't leave him alone."

The gratitude in Dean's eyes threatened to break Castiel's resolve all over again. He let out a slow breath and drew his blade. He needed to do this now. Looking up, he noticed Dean swallowed hard.

"Will that do it?"

Castiel looked at the blade again. "I think so. It'll be easier than..." Castiel did not want to say than what.

Dean only nodded.

There was nothing left to say. Apologies and promises had been duly made. Prolonging it would only be more painful. As if that were even possible. Still, Castiel looked into his friend's eyes one last time. He memorized the sharp green irises and filed away the sound of Dean's voice. He would need those reminders in the days to come.

Then with one last deep breath, Castiel drew back and plunged the angel sword into Dean's heart. The scream that erupted was deafening. The light burned out every trace of Dean inside his body and went out.

As Dean fell to the floor, blade still protruding from his chest, Castiel felt a strangling sensation in his throat. He sunk to his knees and wept over his friend feeling suddenly, utterly, and terribly alone.

**~oOo~**

"A hunter got him?" Sam asked, barely recognizing the words as they left his mouth.

"No," Castiel replied. It was plain on his face, but Sam refused to see. "He asked me to, and I did."

Sam wasn't sure how he got from standing two feet away from Cas to holding him against the wall by his throat. He didn't even remember when he got angry, just that it was all he could feel, all he could think. He was shouting words he couldn't understand. Things he'd regret later.

Somehow, Cas managed to speak through Sam's grip. "Do you think I wanted to? Do you think it doesn't hurt me too?" He pushed Sam off and straightened his jacket, but angry red marks still lingered on his neck. "I promised I would give Dean what he wanted _if _he truly did want it. I tried every possible argument to change his mind to no avail. Be as angry with me as you like, Sam, but don't think I wanted this."

Sam wasn't angry anymore. He barely remembered feeling that way at all. He was just sad and alone and... hurt. That's what he was. "He didn't... He didn't even call. Or say goodbye."

"That would have only been more painful for both of you." Cas sounded like he was reading from a script. "He did tell me to say goodbye for him. To tell you he loves you."

Sam shook his head. "He didn't say that."

"He didn't have to." Cas' icy gaze never faltered, and it was hard to doubt him when he looked like that.

Eventually, Sam had to look away. "Did he say anything else?"

"He said he thought we should stick together. Which I take to mean he wants us to look out for each other since he doubtless believes we are incapable of the task on our own."

Sam nodded. Of course that was what Dean wanted. And he wasn't sure whether it was for his brother's sake or his own, but Sam would follow those last instructions. At least that way, they wouldn't be alone. But it would only be a facade. They were both alone without Dean, just in the same building, in the same room. Without Dean, it seemed as if the whole world were alone.

**~oOo~**

It wasn't like waking up. It was more like being instantly teleported from one place to another, and the feeling was all too familiar. Dying was just a nasty habit Dean had.

It was daytime in Purgatory, which was hardly significant, since there was barely any light to begin with. Neither did time really exist, so Dean wasn't concerned. He had come home. This was where he belonged. The last time he was there was more of a preview of things to come in his mind. He fit in far too well for a human, and now he didn't have that problem. He was one of the monsters.

One upside to all this was that Dean's vampire senses allowed him to know what was coming. To know who was around. Nothing seemed too close at the moment, but there was a familiar scent, one he couldn't quite place. He decided to follow it anyway.

Along the way, he'd look for Benny, as well as any other friendlies he might find, though he wasn't banking on it. Purgatory was all about survival, and he would need a few allies for that. Just one really. If he could only find Benny, Dean would be okay. He'd embrace the life—or non-life—he'd been dealt. Just so long as he wasn't alone.

But he was alone. At first anyway. That familiar, yet foreign scent called him further and further into the eternal woods. Everything looked the same here, but there was space; there was time. It just wasn't the same as on Earth. Someone much smarter than Dean would probably have an explanation for why that was. Something to do with another plane of existence.

Several days went by, marked by the darkening and lightening of the sky. Eventually, Dean was forced to sleep. He'd always hated this part even when he did have backup. He decided it would be better to catch a half hour here and there on his journey rather than trying to get several hours at once. It wasn't as if he could sleep soundly for more than an hour at a time on a good day, anyway.

The scent got stronger every mile, and Dean couldn't shake the feeling that he was chasing something that would change things. This wasn't going to be like his last stay in monster Heaven. He lost track of the days. All he could think about was that scent. He even forgot to be on the lookout for Benny. Though that may have been partly due to the fear that he might not find his friend at all. Dean didn't think about that.

In his brief moments of sleep, Dean dreamt of different pairs of eyes. At first it was those unmistakable piercing blue irises. The last thing he saw in life. But after that, he started to see others. Different shades of green and brown. He recognized Sam's, but not the others. He always woke thinking something was watching him and started running.

It was late one night, the darkest part of a Purgatory day, and Dean was taking a short rest. He sat with his back to a copse of trees, thick enough that no one could come at him from that direction without making a lot of noise. But still, he couldn't sleep. He'd been running for hours, but his paranoia had finally reached an unsustainable level.

So, he sat and stared into the darkness, playing over the past few days in his mind. He'd run into surprisingly few obstacles over the course of his trek, which was unsettling enough. Ever since he first arrived, though he didn't register it then, Dean had been feeling like someone was watching, just beyond the next tree. It was getting ridiculous. He told himself it was just being alone so long. He'd never handled the silence and loneliness well. Dean found himself thinking about driving his car, listening to the radio with Sam in the passenger seat.

No. He couldn't think of that. That life was over. Finally and completely over. It was as if he never really realized it until now. He would never see Sam again. Or Cas. Or a cheeseburger. Or his Baby. Dean didn't know how to think about that, how to grieve for something that was so far away, so permanently removed from him. Every other temporary death he had suffered there had been a goal. Even in Hell, he wanted desperately to get out. Now, he knew he was here for good, and the thought fell on him like a tidal wave.

Dean wasn't sure when the tears started rolling down his face. He suddenly felt irrationally self-conscious. No one was there. No one cared that he was crying. He might as well get it over with. A good surge of emotion then he would be okay. He'd sleep for a while and then keep on running.

But Dean never got that far. A twig snapped to the left from a thicket. The sound was so jarring, it almost seemed intentional. Dean grabbed his knife and pulled himself up with his back to a sturdy tree. There was more rustling of branches, and a smaller figure began to emerge from the foliage.

And Dean finally understood the scent. That familiar tang of stainless steel and gunpowder. He recognized it because it was so like his own, though he didn't notice it until just now.

There she stood. Emma. His daughter. His blood.

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews so far. I hope getting right into the action worked. This story is going to be a bit more fast paced than my usual stuff because there's a lot of ground to cover. Let me know what you think.**

**Also, happy Independence Day to those in the U.S. (and the rest of you too). Don't start any fires, okay?  
**


	3. Partners in Crime

**Chapter Two "Partners in Crime"**

For a long time, Dean only stared at Emma. He could still feel the hard lump in his throat, the burning in his eyes, and the moisture on his face. There was no way she didn't see all that. It was kind of pathetic.

Dean wasn't sure why he never thought of Emma being there before. The last time in Purgatory he was so focused on finding Cas and getting out alive, that he didn't really wonder who else might be lurking in the shadows. Now that he was here to stay, Dean really didn't want his first act to be killing his daughter. Again.

"What are you looking for?" Emma asked. Her voice seemed deafening in the still silence.

"I think I was looking for you," Dean replied. "I could smell you."

"You can put the knife away. I'm not here to kill you."

Dean looked down at the blade in his hand. He wasn't sure he believed her. "We're in Purgatory," Dean said. "I think I'll hold onto it."

"Fair enough." Emma shrugged. "Kinda ironic, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"You. Here. Where the monsters go." She smirked.

"Yeah, well, this ain't my first rodeo." Dean took a step closer to Emma, still wary.

"You do get around."

"Question is, what now?"

Emma crossed her arms. "I was hoping you'd tell me. How'd you get here anyway?"

"Got turned into a vampire."

"And a hunter killed you?"

"No. I... asked someone to."

"Your brother?"

"No, he wasn't there."

"Huh." Emma looked off into the trees to her left as if something there deserved her attention. "Seems like his sort of thing. Killing family members."

"That's not fair, and you know it."

"Fine." Emma turned back to face Dean. "I was going to kill you then. I suppose he didn't have a choice. But it's not exactly a picnic down here."

"You've survived this long."

"Guess I'm just a natural born killer. Wonder which side I get that from?"

"Cry me a river. It's not like any of us had it easy."

"You gotta admit the deck was kinda stacked against me from the start."

"If you had been telling the truth, I would have helped you."

"Really? You? The guy who hates monsters so much, he chooses to die when he becomes one?"

"You hadn't killed anyone. You were an innocent kid."

"Oh, I get it. You're sentimental about that, aren't you? I could tell you wanted to believe me. You wanted me to be yours."

"Something wrong with that?" Dean knew he was getting defensive, but she'd been pushing from the start, and he'd tried to play nice.

"Maybe the fact that I was born to kill you. That I'd never be yours. Of course, this place seems to cancel that out. You're not thirsty, are you?"

"No. So you're not some man-killing bitch anymore?"

"Well, I'm dead, so no."

"So what do you want?"

"You were following me. What do _you _want?"

Dean thought about it. He knew what he wanted now that he was a permanent resident of Purgatory. "Allies," he said.

Emma looked, if anything, amused by this declaration. "What're you planning to do? Even if you kill all the monsters, more will come."

"Then I'm gonna be the last one standing."

"King of the monsters? Catchy."

"I'm talking survival."

"We're already dead." Emma said it as if Dean might have forgotten.

"But you keep fighting," Dean countered.

"All right. Yes. There's something about this place. It's like if we just survive until tomorrow, things might be different, but it doesn't matter because we like it anyway."

Dean smiled at that. "We have a deal?"

"Yeah, sure. I was getting a little tired of talking to myself anyway."

"First thing we gotta do is find another vampire."

"Because one isn't enough?"

"A specific vampire."

"Someone who pissed you off in life?"

"No, but come to think of it, we might want to be on the lookout for some of those. I'm talking about a friend I met the last time I was here."

"You gonna explain how _that _works?"

"I killed the actual king of the monsters, and I guess I was standing too close and got sucked down here. But I was human, so Purgatory spit me out."

"Convenient."

"Good times. So, this vampire. He'd probably be alone. The others wouldn't trust him."

Emma shook her head almost sympathetically. "Loners don't last long here."

"You did. And he would. We just have to find him."

Emma shrugged. "Well, you do hear things."

Dean gave her a wry smile. "Before you kill the messenger?"

"Hey, it's them or me. But I do like having someone to talk to, so I play with my food a little. Can you blame me."

"Not really. What do you hear?"

"There's a cluster of vampires to the northwest. No one knows exactly why they're congregating, or if they do, they're not talking. I think your friend would probably avoid them. But then, the Leviathan take up most of the area east of here, so he wouldn't be there either. I'd say our best bet is to go south. Nobody's really in control down there. It's chaos, but this is Purgatory. You know the drill."

Dean nodded. "South it is."

They started walking through the darkness away from Dean's temporary campsite toward the south.

"And you can use that super smell you have to know what's coming," Emma continued, as if there had been no lull in the conversation.

"You know, a lot of them will be able to smell me too," Dean replied.

"Yeah, but if your friend is there, he'll come to you."

"I don't know if he'll recognize me like this." That thought was somehow sad.

"You recognized me even though you didn't know it."

"True. He'll know something's up anyway."

"So, if you followed my scent, why can't you follow his?"

"I have to catch it first. You must have been closer."

"It could be a few days then. There's a lot of ground to cover."

"I know. I don't think it ever really ends. You could keep walking and never stop."

"Probably. Hey, just so we're clear, I don't have to call you 'Dad' do I?"

"I'd rather you didn't."

**~oOo~**

_One year ago..._

_Escaping by the skin of one's teeth was a strange colloquialism, but Benny figured he understood it now better than ever. About the only part of his body that still seemed to have any skin was his teeth._

_But he escaped, barely, from the horde that was bent on killing him. He had only killed a few and wounded some others, but it didn't matter much either way. More would come soon enough. Benny wasn't sure how long he could last at this rate._

_He didn't think about it as he ran—more like limped—as fast as he could go. Some distance had to help. Throw off the scent, get out of their territory. He'd have to go further than he'd ever gone before. And in his fifty years, Benny had taken the scenic tour of Purgatory. He knew there was more though. There had to be. The place went on forever._

_He didn't think about what he'd left behind. He didn't have the energy. What he needed was time. Time to heal and keep traveling. Time he didn't have._

_Benny kept running until he felt that his feet would fall off right after he fainted from blood loss. He made it to a small lake that he didn't remember. That was wrong. He hadn't gone nearly far enough. It would take weeks to get to unknown territory._

_But he had to stop. He couldn't go on anymore. The Leviathan or something else would catch up to him before long, and he could only hope they would make it quick. In the meantime, he would try to wash off some of the blood to cover his scent._

_The problem that Benny did not initially register was that the smell of his own blood had masked that of other vampires. It was too late by the time he heard her breathing behind him. He turned painfully to see a slight, dirty female vampire crouched on a pile of boulders by the edge of the lake. Her long hair shadowed her face, and her clothes were tattered and patched. It even looked like she had taken some ill-sized items off of other Purgatory residents. Most importantly, she held a long, stainless steel knife, and she was poised to pounce._

"_If you're going to kill me, sweetheart, best get on with it," Benny said. "I won't even judge you if you take the hat. It's really a great hat."_

_The girl inched closer, but she seemed more cautious than threatening. Like she was the cornered animal and not the other way around. Maybe on another occasion, Benny would have used that to his advantage, made her think he wasn't as incapacitated as he was. Intimidation could go a long way. But he didn't have the energy for it._

"_In that case, I'll just clean up and be on my way," he said, turning back to the murky water._

_He was fully expecting a blow from behind. He would have welcomed it. But nothing came. He washed the blood from his hands and tried to get a look at the wound on his right side. There was a lot of dark blood staining his shirt, making it nearly impossible to see the extent of the damage. Maybe it wasn't that bad. Or maybe he had taken a few hits to the head._

_In the meantime, the girl had crept closer. She still held the shiny knife, and she was eying Benny with a mix of skepticism and interest._

"_You piss off somebody bigger than you?" she asked with an ironic tone. "Or several people."_

"_Just about everybody, darlin'," Benny replied._

"_What could you have done that was so bad that all the monsters of Purgatory would be out for your blood?"_

"_Helping a human, I suppose."_

"_Cardinal sin." She twisted the knife in her hands. "Whatever possessed you to do that?"_

_Benny almost shrugged before he remembered the chunk of flesh missing from his left shoulder. "Don't know," he said. "Guess I wanted a second chance."_

"_How'd that work out for you?"_

"_Wasn't all I thought it'd be. Worth it, though."_

"_Yeah, I guess that's how it goes when you're halfway between monster and human."_

_Benny looked at the other vampire with renewed interest. "Take it you've got some experience?"_

"_If choking down cow's blood for 60 years is any indication."_

"_I myself preferred blood banks."_

_She shrugged staring off across the lake. "Any human blood, I... just couldn't handle it. I guess we're better off here."_

"_Don't know that we are, but no sense moaning about it now. I'm Benny, by the way."_

"_Does knowing me your name make you think I won't kill you?"_

"_I decided you weren't going to kill me a while back."_

"_You're awfully certain of yourself."_

"_So are you. I may be hurt, but I'm bigger and stronger than you, and you've put yourself in arm's reach. It's a fair fight now."_

_The girl tucked her knife into her belt and stared into Benny's eyes, as if challenging him to attack her now. He wouldn't. He knew he wouldn't from the second he laid eyes on her. If he were going to die, he'd do it without killing another creature. Maybe they were dead already, but somehow it still mattered._

"_You got a name?" Benny asked, trying to distract himself as he went back to cleaning his wounds._

"_Lenore," the girl said._

_Benny chuckled. "Quoth the raven, nevermore."_

"_It was a popular name for a while."_

"_Suppose you get enough of Poe."_

"_Honestly, it's just nice to be talking to someone who isn't trying to kill me. Poetry is as good as anything."_

"_I like the rhythm," Benny said through gritted teeth as a particularly painful jolt reverberated down his arm when he tried to shrug off his coat._

"_Need help with that?" Lenore asked, moving closer._

_Benny was putting his life in her hands already. "I'd appreciate it."_

_Lenore helped him get his coat all the way off and examined the shoulder wound. Benny closed his eyes and began reciting "The Raven" in his head. It was only after he reached the second stanza that he realized he was speaking it aloud. It helped though. It took his mind off the pain, and Lenore worked in time with the cadence. She treated the wounds deftly for a vampire, as if she had a lot of experience taking care of other people._

"_Can you walk a little farther tonight?" she asked when she had finished. "You're still bleeding a lot, but we shouldn't stay here."_

_We. They were a team now. "Guess I'm gonna have to," Benny said, getting to his feet with Lenore's help._

"_Make it ten miles, and I'll let you sleep," she said._

_Ten miles might as well have been Everest, but Benny thought he might just be able to do it. He seemed to gain a burst of strength after his rest by the lake. It was getting dark by then, but it was just as dangerous to move at night as it was in the daytime. And Benny's enemies would have had time to regroup. He just had to keep moving. So, he let Lenore choose their direction and keep an eye out while he focused on putting on weary foot in front of the other._

_Lenore would get tired of this soon. She'd kill him or leave him behind because he would only drag her down. On a good day, Benny was an excellent ally to have, but with the full force of monster Heaven on his trail and innumerable injuries, he was worse than dead weight._

_He wondered that Lenore bothered to help him at all, but he was now in her debt, and he had a nasty habit of paying his debts with his life._

_Benny didn't know how long they had been running through the night, when finally, he could go no further. There was a cluster of trees surrounded by plenty of ferns and grass that seemed as good a place as any to collapse and bleed to death._

_He wasn't sure if Lenore stopped or not. Maybe he would be dead by morning, maybe not. He'd already survived longer than he planned anyway._

* * *

**I'm posting a little early because I'm going to bed soon, and I don't want to wait until I wake up and get around to going online tomorrow. Of course, for a lot of you, it's already Friday, so yay!**

**In other news, I've actually typed up a semi-official outline for this bad boy, and I've made it to chapter eleven. The first eight chapters are all written, with some needing revisions still. Anyway, I only stopped outlining because I had to leave, so I'll probably get further tomorrow. And I don't even like outlines, but this story just keeps flowing in my head that I have to write things down before I forget them. This whole planning ahead thing is kind of fun.**


	4. Night Terrors

**Chapter Three "Night Terrors"**

Sam and Cas buried Dean in Maine. Sam suspected that Dean probably would have wanted a hunter's funeral, but he didn't say, and the fact that Dean had buried Benny as well set a precedent. It was a long drive, followed by what seemed to be an even longer hike, but they finally reached the place the portal opened. Nearby was a distinctive boulder under a tree, marking Benny's grave. It was dark by the time they had managed to dig a deep enough hole.

Sam felt a sickening twist in his gut as he remembered the last time he'd done this. He buried his brother believing he would come back. Determined to save him at all costs.

Right now, Sam didn't have those kind of ambitions. He wanted Dean back, but he also knew that Dean would never come. Not without a very good reason, and Sam missing him wasn't a good enough reason.

Once they began pouring dirt over Dean's empty body, things went faster. Sam felt as if he were in a dream. This wasn't really happening. He'd spent the entire trip from the bunker thinking about just how wrong this all was. After everything they'd been through, to have it all end like this...

That's when Sam knew what he had to do. He had to kill the Alpha. Cas may have had Dean's blood on his hands, but it was the Alpha who caused all this. Obviously, Dean's death hadn't been part of the plan, but what did the monster king really think was going to happen when he turned a hunter? Hunters didn't turn into monsters. Hunters died. It was some kind of rule.

As they trekked back to the car, Sam began to notice Cas' heavy breathing, how difficult it was for him to keep up. If he had been human, Sam would have thought nothing of it. But Cas was still an angel. Had his borrowed grace really worn so far down?

Sam got the feeling that looking out for each other was going to be a lot more complicated than he initially expected. When wasn't it?

"I'll drive for a while," Cas said when they reached the road.

Sam knew how worn out Cas was, but he didn't really sleep, so it couldn't hurt. And Sam had to admit, he was exhausted. More emotionally than physically, but he would welcome a few hours of blissful sleep. He turned the radio on as the Impala bore down the highway. It wasn't that Sam really liked Dean's music, but he'd gotten so used to it, that it felt wrong not to have it on. With that, Sam was able to fall asleep.

But it was far from a peaceful rest. Sam dreamed, like he always did, that he was possessed by Gadreel and just about to kill Kevin. He saw that same terrified look in Kevin's eyes. Just before he turned into Dean.

Sam woke up screaming. It was daylight, and Cas had stopped the car in the middle of the road to stare at him. For a second, nothing else happened. Sam's throat hurt.

"Maybe we should stop for food," Cas said.

Sam realized it was probably less embarrassing for Cas to pull into a nearby fast food joint than to keep driving after he'd stopped like that. At least they were in a small town, and there was next to no traffic that early in the morning.

It wasn't until they had sat down inside, Sam with his food and Cas with a cup of coffee, that either of them spoke again.

"What were you dreaming about?" Cas asked.

"Kevin," Sam lied. It was easier to say Kevin because he didn't want to talk about Dean.

"Oh," Cas looked down into the Styrofoam cup in his hands. He'd been expecting another answer.

Sam knew he should probably confide in Cas. He should get used to talking about these things because there would be no one else to share them with. But he wasn't ready yet. It felt like he had just gotten Dean back only to lose him all over again. Cas was great, but he was no substitute for Sam's brother. For now, they'd just have to suffer through some awkward silences until they learned how to talk to each other.

But Sam did have a job on his mind. He could talk about that. "I think when we get home we should start looking for the Alpha," he said.

"Sam, I don't think—"

"He's planning something, right? He needed Dean for his scheme. Don't you think we should stop him?"

"Yes. But finding him is only one small step in that. He's stronger than us, and he's always heavily guarded. I barely got Dean out of there as it was. Killing the Alpha is simply a bigger job than us."

"What then? You think we should just give up?"

"No. We'll just have to be more... creative. I want to do what Dean would have done just as much as you do, but the 'guns blazing' approach will only get us killed."

Sam shook his head. "You don't want it like I do. Do you even know what it's like to... to _hate something_ so much?"

"Perhaps..." Cas began, then faltered, as if thinking carefully about his response. "Perhaps is it possible to hate oneself to the same degree. Though not in the same way, I suppose."

Sam didn't have anything to say to that. Sure, he knew what guilt was. He'd hated himself plenty after all he had done. Not like Dean did, though. Nor, apparently as Cas did. It seemed that they had the corner on self-loathing. It scared Sam a little to think that anyone could carry that much within themselves.

"Okay," Sam finally said. "We do this right. However long it takes."

Cas nodded and took a sip of his coffee before looking out the window, squinting in the sunlight.

**~oOo~**

Dean didn't dream about eyes anymore. His nightmares were much more clear and yet somehow more confusing. He was transported back to the time when he still had the Mark of Cain. Only this time, Sam didn't save him. He was a demon, and he liked it. He killed his way through hordes of faceless people. They didn't matter. They were expendable.

Then he got to the end of the line of bodies, and there stood Sam and Cas. No. Sam was dead. Dean didn't know how that had happened. And Cas was on his knees in the grass, bleeding. Dean held his own angel blade at his throat.

Dean felt himself smile. He felt a surge of excitement, pleasure at the very thought of what he was about to do. He made it slow. He carved out pieces until there was hardly anything left. Just a tiny, glowing heart still clinging to life, to hope. Dean hated it. He wanted it to die. But no matter how many times he stabbed at it, the thing kept glowing with a blue light, pulsing with vitality.

Dean stood back and watched as the heart began to expand, and soon it had rebuilt every part of Cas that had once been there. He stood, now towering over Dean, his wings spread wide. He was shining brighter than he ever had before, and Dean could feel his eyes burning. But he couldn't turn away. This thing—it was hardly Cas anymore—was simultaneously beautiful and horrifying.

Dean felt an animalistic scream of rage rise up in his throat, and he lunged forward, stabbing blindly until the light went out and everything was left in darkness.

Dean woke with that scream dying on his lips. Emma never said anything. She didn't ask what he dreamed of or if he was okay. She had no reason to care.

Still, he thought it was strange that he would experience such insane dreams while she had nearly none. Sometimes, she twitched in her sleep or muttered indecipherable strings of words, but never anything that made her wake in a cold sweat, terrified to ever fall asleep again.

Dean concluded that she simply hadn't lived long enough to have many nightmares. A few days wasn't enough time to be as thoroughly traumatized as Dean knew he was.

Most of their time, however, was spent walking. They continued in a southerly direction, Emma sometimes noting landmarks she recognized. Dean hadn't come this way the last time. He'd been more toward the north. Which was probably why his earlier visit had been so much more eventful than this one. There were monsters in this region, but fewer and weaker. They came here because it was ruled by no one. It was comparably safe. Dean decided to kill only when he had to. If he smelled something nearby but it made no attempt to come after them, he left it alone. Maybe that was unwise, but as adept at killing as he was, Dean was growing tired of it. Probably because he did so much of it in his sleep anyway.

"What are we going to do once we find your friend?" Emma asked one day.

"Keep going," Dean replied.

"Keep going where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. It goes on forever."

She didn't ask him many questions after that.

**~oOo~**

_One year ago..._

_Benny woke to a pair of very different sensations. The first was the sound of faint singing. In French. At the same time, he caught the scent of fresh blood, not an hour old._

_Benny sat up, and instantly and involuntary groan escaped his lips. The adrenaline rush of last night had worn off, and now everything hurt._

_The blood stench was coming from the body of a werewolf lying a few feet away with it's head severed. The dark red fluid stained the ground and the pallid skin along the clean cut through it's neck._

_The source of the singing was Lenore as she sat on the other side of the body, cutting his clothes into neat strips with her knife._

_The juxtaposition of beauty and death was almost overwhelming._

_But Benny had to laugh. "La Vie en rose?" he said._

_Lenore stopped singing and looked up at him. "My grandmother used to sing it to me when I was a child. If I was sad or afraid. I haven't heard it in a long time."_

_"Vous avez une belle voix," Benny said._

_Lenore smiled. "I suppose you picked that up in Louisiana?" So, she had noticed._

_Benny nodded. "Haven't used it in a long time. My accent's getting rusty."_

_"I think it's fine."_

_"Was your grandmother from France, or did she just like Edith Piaf?"_

_"Both." Lenore turned back to her work. "She promised to take me to Paris someday. But that was before... well..."_

_Benny knew what the before meant. Before she was turned. Before she became a monster. "So you never went?"_

_"Sitting in a confined space with a bunch of prepackaged meals never seemed like a good idea."_

_"I suppose they wouldn't let you take blood bags on a plane. Might attract some unwanted questions."_

_"Did you ever travel?"_

_"On a boat. A lot of boats. Ships. Just about anything seaworthy. Piracy seemed like a good idea at the time."_

_"When did it stop being a good idea?"_

_"When the target was a beautiful woman." Benny smiled ruefully. Andrea had been beautiful in more ways than one, but her memory was tainted now._

_"And your crew didn't like that," Lenore deduced. "Made an example of you."_

_"Wasn't wise to cross The Old Man. I got him back in the end."_

_Lenore looked up with a confused expression. "How did you manage that?"_

_"I mentioned that I helped a couple humans, didn't I? Well, it started when one of them got trapped in here. I helped him get out in exchange for a ride."_

_"There's a way out?" Lenore seemed far too excited about this prospect._

_"Not for us. For humans. They don't belong here. But I learned a spell. A way I could tag along. But without a human, it's useless."_

_"If you had a human for an ally, how did you end up back here?"_

_"His brother was stuck here and didn't know the way out."_

_"So you died to save your friend's brother?"_

_Benny almost wanted to laugh hearing it out loud like that. "You make it sound so pathetic."_

_"Guess it depends on how you felt about your friend's brother."_

_"He hated me. Hunters tend to feel that way about vampires."_

_"Wait a second, you helped a hunter out of here and he kept his end? You said he was your friend? And..." A strange sort of realization dawned in Lenore's eyes. "It was Sam Winchester, wasn't it?"_

_It was Benny's turn to be surprised. "You know them? Did they kill you?"_

_"Technically no. It was Sam who convinced Dean not to kill me. But later... later I wanted to die, and their friend did it. I think he was an angel."_

_"Castiel. He was here too. Long story. But it was Dean who got me out."_

_Lenore frowned. "That doesn't seem like him. And why would Sam hate you? If you weren't killing anyone?"_

_"I think it had more to do with his brother making new friends than anything. He didn't trust me."_

_Lenore shook her head with an amused look. "How times change."_

_"He came around in the end. When I saved his ass. I was supposed to go back with him, but..."_

_Benny didn't look at Lenore with those last words. He hadn't meant to bring that up. How he never intended to return. Why he knew he belonged here._

_But Lenore seemed to understand without him needing to explain. "There's no place for a vampire that doesn't kill," she said bitterly. "We need to check your wounds. I made bandages."_

_Benny wasn't surprised by the change of subject, but he hadn't realized that was what she was doing with the werewolf's shirt. It made sense, though. So, he let her check the multiple injuries that seemed to hurt more now than they had yesterday. She spent the most time on the stab wound in his side and the chunk of missing flesh from his shoulder. But there were plenty of other cuts and claws and teeth marks that she looked at too. Finally, she declared that he was fit to travel._

_"We have to bury the body first, though," she said, nodding toward the werewolf. "He came within range early this morning, and smelled us."_

_"Smelled me," Benny said. "No need to be polite."_

_"Only because you're bleeding. In a few days, the smell won't be so strong."_

_"We gonna be alive in a few days?"_

_"If I can help it."_

_She may have been small and kind, but Lenore had a fierceness in her eyes that made Benny certain that she would take on just about anything. To protect him. That was a funny feeling. He had managed to claim her loyalty in less than a day, and he doubted she would ever go back on that. She was too much like him._

_They buried the body as quickly as they could, taking what supplies they could get off him. Lenore kept his jacket, even though it was much too big. Her own clothes were wearing thin enough that she didn't seem to care._

_They made decent time, but Benny could only walk so fast with all his bumps and bruises. He knew he was slowing them down to a dangerous degree, but there was no other option. Lenore had thrown in her lot with him. So, Benny made himself a promise. If they made it through this, if they lived long enough for him to regain his strength, he would repay her. He would be as loyal to Lenore as he had ever been to Dean._

* * *

**I don't speak French at all, so I hope my translation was accurate. I thought the adjective would have been in a different place in the sentence "you have a beautiful voice" than it was in the French translation I was able to find, but maybe the syntax is the same as English in this case. If anyone knows for sure, let me know, and I can edit it if needed.**


	5. The Unquiet Dead

**Chapter Four "The Unquiet Dead"**

_Six months ago..._

_Dean woke to a persistent pounding in his head, and his left arm felt like it had been sawed off. He blinked for a moment in the darkness before reaching over to turn on the bedside lamp. He found that he was in his room at the bunker, and more importantly, he was complete human. The clock read 6:45, but he didn't know if that were morning or night. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping. He didn't even remember much about coming home, or even before that. The past few days seemed to be one dark blur, like a nightmare he couldn't quite recall._

_A hot shower did a lot to calm Dean's aching muscles and clear his clouded mind. He remembered dying, waking up a demon, and Sam curing him. At some point, Cas showed up too. Dean took all that as a victory. He knew he had a long way to go to fix things with Sam, and even Cas, but at least they were all alive. At least they had a chance._

_Dean took his time about finishing his shower and getting dressed. He didn't have anywhere to be, and he wasn't relishing the inevitable apologies he would have to make. But the needed to know he was sorry. Needed to know he wouldn't... Wouldn't what? Do the same things all over again? No, he knew he would. And maybe that's what he was sorry for. Sorry he was just too damned stubborn to admit he was wrong when he knew full well he was. It wouldn't do. "Sorry, but..." wasn't enough. There could be no more qualifications, no justifications. Maybe Dean couldn't be all that Sam wanted him to be right now, but he could try. Sam had saved him so he could try._

_With that though, Dean left his room and headed for the kitchen. Food first, feelings later._

_Sam was seated at the table, pushing something green around on his plate and looking exhausted. Cas was standing by the counter with a cup of coffee in his hand._

"_How did you sleep?" the latter asked._

_Dean shrugged. "How long was I out?"_

_Cas looked at the clock. "Almost a day. But you had no sleep for several days prior."_

"_Part of that was because I wasn't really sleeping when..."_

"_When you had the Mark?" Sam said. His voice cut through the air, sharp and matter of fact._

"_Yeah," Dean replied. "But we can talk about that later."_

"_Why don't we talk about it now?" Sam had that threatening tone that he got so much over the last few months. That voice that still haunted Dean._

_He needed to stall. He couldn't do this right now. "Because I'm hungry," Dean said. It was true. "And I get downright bitchy when I'm hungry." Self deprecation was always a good strategy._

"_Fine," Sam conceded weakly, turning back to what looked up close like a wilted salad. He just deflated. All that anger and tension of two seconds ago was gone._

_And Dean felt worse than he had before. Sam had been through Hell this whole time. He had a right to be upset. And he was tired. He had just saved Dean from the worst fate imaginable. He deserved so much more than Dean could give him._

"_Metatron is dead," Cas said, as Dean headed for the refrigerator._

_Dean wasn't sure why he felt angry at that statement. Perhaps because he'd wanted to do the job himself. He told himself it didn't matter anymore. Maybe he believed it. "Good," was all he said._

"_Gadreel is trying to help reopen Heaven," Cas went on._

"_Guess you'll be joining him then?"_

"_No." Cas seemed shocked at the suggestion. "I'm... well, I had hoped anyway... that I would stay here."_

_Dean finally took a good look at Cas and noticed that he had almost the same weary expression that Sam wore. His eyes seemed, for the first time, dull and lifeless. Only for a moment, and then he was vibrant again. But Dean had seen it. Cas was tired too. They all were. Maybe some time away from angels and demons would be a good thing for them._

_Dean busied himself fixing a sandwich for the next few minutes. At this point, he wanted to get everything out in the open just like Sam did, but he needed to eat. It had been days. Maybe even a week since he'd actually eaten._

_Sam didn't touch another bite of his food, and Cas seemed to just stare off into the middle distance, which all made for a hell of an awkward meal. It didn't take long for Dean to finish, though. He washed his plate and Sam's and put everything away. He was stalling again, even though he didn't want to. He wanted to just get it out. Why couldn't he get it out?_

"_I'm sorry," Dean blurted, perhaps a little too loudly._

_Both Cas and Sam were startled by the outburst. They didn't say anything, only staring at Dean._

"_I'm sorry," Dean repeated more softly. "To both of you. For... everything." It wasn't enough. A blanket apology would never suffice. "I know I'm not all you want me to be." This was directed at Sam. "But I'm gonna try. I'm gonna do better."_

_He meant it. Every damn word of it. He was going to make this right if it killed him._

_Sam got up from the table, crossed the room, and hugged Dean. It had been so long, Dean had almost forgotten what it felt like to be in that suffocating, though not unpleasant, embrace._

"_I'm sorry too," Sam whispered._

_Dean pulled back. "For what?"_

"_Leaving you to fend for yourself. I should've been there more. I was just..."_

"_It's okay," Dean said. "You were there when it counted. I didn't deserve that."_

_Sam shook his head. "I was no better than you. When you were gone—the things I thought of doing, the things I _would _have done to save you..."_

"_You did save me. That's what matters. We're here. We made it, Sammy. I know we lost a lot, and I know that was my fault. I'm not saying it wasn't. But I'm not going to do that again."_

_Sam looked incredulous, but not angry. Like he had resigned himself to the fact that they would always risk everything to save each other._

"_I mean it though," Dean said. "I'd still die for you, and a hell of a lot more, but not..."_

_Sam nodded. "I know, Dean. It's okay."_

_And just like that, it was okay. They were okay. Maybe they'd still have to work out some things, but the big stuff was past._

_Cas cleared his throat, as if they had forgotten he was there. "I think I'm, supposed to say something now," he said, looking thoroughly confused._

_Dean smiled and hugged Cas too. "You don't have to say anything," he said._

**~oOo~**

_One year ago..._

_On their fourth day together, Benny and Lenore came upon what looked like an abandoned battlefield. They smelled it long before they saw it. Bodies littered the ground in various stages of death. Some had merely a few mortal stab wounds while others had been beheaded, dismembered, and disemboweled. Blood stained the ground and the trees, and viscera splayed out to rot in the sun._

"_We should go around," Benny said softly, as if not to wake a sleeping beast._

_Lenore shook her head. "There could be supplies, things we need. We could bury the bodies."_

"_It'd take too long. We need to move on. Quickly."_

_Benny was feeling much better than he had when he first met Lenore, and he thought he could run if he really had to._

_But Lenore wasn't really listening to him. She had spotted a female victim who looked to have been killed quickly. There were hardly any bloodstains on her clothing. Lenore walked into the killing field, and Benny followed her, keeping his eyes moving around the clearing for any signs of movement. Whatever had done this was powerful and more bloodthirsty than most. And they seemed to have large numbers which was unusual for purgatory. When he stepped in a sticky puddle of black blood, Benny knew what had caused all this destruction._

"_Lenore," he said quietly, but with an urgency he hoped she would notice. "This is Leviathan work."_

"_Yeah," she said absently. She had reached the woman, a kitsune or a wraith, Benny had a hard time telling the difference._

"_We need to go," Benny said more forcefully._

"_Just a second." Lenore was undoing the buttons of the woman's jacket._

_Benny was about to argue further when something hit him from behind, knocking him to the ground. He'd been looking at Lenore with his back to the woods. He hadn't seen the Leviathan coming up on them, and the smell of death was too strong to sense its presence._

_Benny pushed himself up just in time to see the Leviathan scrambling toward Lenore and bury its teeth into the back of her leg just above the knee. Lenore turned with a scream and stabbed her knife into the Leviathan's shoulder. But it didn't let go._

_In the meantime, Benny had gotten to his feet and drew his blade. The Leviathan had the distinct disadvantage of being alone and attempting to take a bite out of someone Benny had decided to protect. It didn't even have a chance to let go of Lenore before Benny had removed its head with one smooth stroke. Its putrid black blood splattered in all directions, hitting Lenore's face and making her look even paler than usual._

_Benny kicked the head off into the trees to prevent it from reattaching. Then he shoved aside the body and took a good look of Lenore's injury. The Leviathan's jaws had almost gone all the way around her leg. If Benny had been a moment slower, she might not have much of a leg at all. Blood soaked her jeans, making it hard to tell how bad the wound was._

_And there wasn't time to investigate further. They had to run before more showed up._

"_Can you walk?" Benny asked, reaching to help Lenore to her feet._

_She tested her weight on her right leg and immediately tilted sideways where Benny was standing to support her. "I don't think so," she said in a breathless voice that betrayed just how much pain she was in._

_Benny moved around to her other side so his good shoulder would bear the weight of her upper body. Then he wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her up. She wasn't very heavy, but his own healing injuries protested. He could handle that._

_Benny stepped carefully through the minefield of bodies and headed for the trees at the far side of the clearing. He couldn't move as fast as he wanted to, carrying Lenore, but once he was away from the carnage, he found a path that was easy enough. By that time, it was growing dark, but Benny carried on through the night. He wanted to put as much distance between them and the Leviathan mess as possible._

_Lenore didn't talk as they went. Her breathing was shallow and irregular, and Benny could feel her blood oozing over his hand and staining his sleeve. Everything got covered in blood eventually. Benny was more concerned with covering a lot of ground as fast as he could._

_He didn't stop until the darkest part of the night. He found a hiding spot in a clump of trees and boulders. It might be difficult to climb out of, but nothing could get at them without considerable struggle, which they would hear. Because Benny needed sleep. He couldn't stay up after walking all day and running all night. _

_So, he settled into a tight corner between two boulders with Lenore curled up on his lap. He took off his coat to cover both of them, and they went to sleep._

**~oOo~**

Sam wasn't sure whether to be surprised or not that Cas had discovered a case. More specifically, Cas had found vampire killings in a nearby city. It could have been a coincidence, but Sam very much doubted that. They already knew the Alpha had some big plan, and whatever they might find now would only be the tip of the iceberg.

Still, the packed up the Impala and drove the short distance. At least, it seemed short to Sam. a few hours was nothing compared to the distances he'd driven with Dean for much less. It wasn't helpful to be thinking about that now, but Sam couldn't help himself. It seemed like he was always comparing the things he did with Cas to the way they were before. Even simple things like eating or grocery shopping. Of course, Cas didn't eat, but he still seemed very interested in the whole process.

As soon as they reached their destination, they set to work immediately. Sam talked to the local police while Cas did more research on the area and analyzed the information they already had. Despite his scant knowledge of humanity, Cas was great at picking up patterns. He saw things that Sam wouldn't have noticed. Maybe because he didn't think like a human.

They ended up tracing the vampires to a purportedly deserted cabin a few miles out of town. As far as they could tell, it was a small nest. Nothing a hunter and an angel couldn't handle. Under normal circumstances, Sam might have taken a subtler approach, but nothing would ever be normal again, and part of Sam's grieving process had always involved mindless violence.

The vampires were taken by surprise, but there were more of them than Sam had expected. As the entered through the front door of the cabin, they came upon two sitting on the couch and another coming into the room from the kitchen. The first two were briefly shocked into stillness, but the third was more alert and took a running leap at Sam as soon as he came through the door. She managed to dig her teeth into his shoulder before he threw her into the wall, disorienting her enough to make the killing strike at her neck. Her eyes remained wide open in surprise as her head fell to the floor with a _thud_, followed by the body.

Sam then turned to see that Cas had stabbed one vampire in the chest with his angel blade, and was now fending off the second who had a knife of his own. Two more vampires came in through the back door, and Sam positioned himself between them and Cas so they couldn't help their friend. The first was a big guy who bared his teeth and lunged at Sam. But he wasn't very agile, so Sam merely sidestepped and brought his machete down on the vampire's exposed throat, killing him before he knew what happened. The next one was a bit faster, and managed to grab onto Sam's right arm, causing him to drop the blade. She went for his throat, but he was able to get his left arm between them, resulting in another deep bite. With a burst of strength, Sam pushed her backward through the doorway she had just come in. Then he picked up the machete and ran at her before she had the chance to recover. She died with her teeth flashing red in the moonlight.

Sam took a step back away from the vampire's body, staggering slightly. Before he could turn around to go back in the house, he felt something ram into him, knocking him to the ground. He tried to push himself up, but the weight bore down on him, pinning him to the dirt. Something grabbed his hair, pulling his head up painfully. He caught a glimpse of the moon reflecting off a shiny knife. But before the blade could find it's mark, the grip suddenly released, and the weight disappeared from Sam's back. He rolled over to see Cas standing there with his bloody angel blade in hand, looking down at the corpse of the vampire with the hole in his chest.

"I think that's the last of them," Cas said.

Sam nodded, getting up off the ground and dusting off his clothes. "Better search the place just to be sure."

There were no other vampires. Sam and Cas buried the bodies in one mass grave. Now the cabin really was abandoned.

Back at the motel, Sam treated his bite wounds, one on his right shoulder and the other on his left forearm. He'd had worse. While he did that, Cas took his bloodstained clothes and washed them. The whole thing was starting to feel like a bad rerun. From Cas saving him to washing his clothes, it was all like something Dean would have done.

But Sam couldn't think like that. He had too much to do to get caught up in the complexities of what Cas was to him. And there were other questions, things Sam didn't understand about what had happened that night. He waited until the drive home to voice his confusion.

"When you killed Dean..." he began, hardly believing a sentence could start that way, "you didn't—I mean you used your angel sword. But it didn't work on that other vampire."

From the passenger seat, Cas looked at Sam with an expression of deep concern. "I know," he said.

"Why would it work on Dean but not the others?"

"I've been wondering about that. The only reason the last vampire came after you was because I thought he was dead."

"What do the angel blades kill? I mean, besides angels."

"Demons, hellhounds, Nephilim, reapers. But not humans or things that were once human. At least, not in the same way. It works like a mundane knife on humans."

"Yeah, I know. So... what did it look like. You know, when Dean..." Sam couldn't believe he was asking this question.

"Like an angel or demon."

"Angels and demons don't look the same when they die."

"It was more a mix of the two. Perhaps it has something to do with his connection to the Alpha or the fact that he drank my blood."

Sam almost drove into oncoming traffic until he remember where he was. "Wait a second! He _drank your blood_?"

"When the cure didn't work, I suggested it. He didn't know what it was until he drank it. It could be he had some traces of angel grace in him at the time."

"Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"It didn't seem important. He refused to continue the practice as a matter of principle."

"So it may have had nothing to do with the Alpha."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because if it had, we may have found a way to kill the son of a bitch. But maybe it's nothing."

"He should die the same as any other vampire, though perhaps with more of a fight."

Sam laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, great."

* * *

**I spaced out on posting this chapter yesterday because I had my nephew's birthday party, and I'm trying to keep up with Camp NaNoWriMo. Sorry of the delay. I'll try not to let that happen again.**


	6. Love and Monsters

**Chapter Five "Love and Monsters"**

Days began to blur together as Purgatory days were wont to do. Emma talked a lot. Not about anything important. She talked about trees and rocks and monsters. The only things she knew. And she knew them well. Dean would describe a scent to her, and she would tell him what it was and whether they needed to kill it. She could tell which trees were better for sleeping in. She always knew what time of day it was from the color of the sky, even though the days were nothing like those on Earth. Most of the time it seemed like the night came too early and stayed too long.

It had been at least a couple of weeks when Dean began to think that they might not find anything. That maybe there was nothing to find. But he had eternity. Emma would probably get tired of him eventually, and when she did, he'd let her leave if she wanted. It wasn't like they were really family. But maybe they were all they were ever going to have. Maybe Benny was dead, and Dean would just have to get by with his daughter.

If he could only figure out how to treat her like his daughter. It wasn't as if the concept of parenting were totally foreign to him. But Emma was different. She didn't seem to want to have anything more than a relationship of allies. But Dean knew he couldn't just pretend they weren't what they were. There was a reason he picked up her scent when he first got here, and a reason she came to him.

On top of that, she was the one sitting in silence every time he woke up screaming. She never said a word, never even looked annoyed. Anyone else would have said something, but Dean almost thought the quiet was more helpful. He couldn't explain what was going on in his mind, and Emma certainly didn't care about his problems, but she didn't judge him for having them anyway. If anything, she just accepted all of Dean's idiosyncrasies and went with it. It was nice not to have to explain anything. Emma had no frame of reference, so she wasn't interested in discussing emotional topics.

But after a while, Dean started to realize that the lack of meaningful exchanges was grating on his nerves. Even when he'd been trapped here before with Benny, they had talked about their lives on occasion. Mostly, they were fighting their way through swarms of monsters, but in the lulls, they talked.

Emma didn't talk about anything other than what was happening at the moment. As if she had no past whatsoever. Which was nearly true. But she had been in Purgatory for going on four years. She had to have had some close calls, something interesting to talk about. But maybe it all ran together for her too. It could be that she just didn't remember much.

Dean wasn't about to start the conversation anyway. If she wanted to talk about trees, he'd just have to deal with it.

It was a seemingly normal, bleak day when Dean caught a scent he never expected to. It was coming from the west, a bit off their current course. But it was too unusual not to investigate.

"You're going the wrong way," Emma said as Dean began to move toward the scent.

"There's sulfur," he said.

Emma frowned and followed him. "I don't know what that means."

"Demon."

Emma didn't say anything for a moment. "But... they can't be here. I've never even seen one."

"There's a backdoor from Hell. Maybe this one got out."

"Oh, yay. A door to Hell. That's just what we need in the monster kingdom."

"I can handle the demon. Don't worry about it."

"It sets a precedent."

"Probably not. This is the first I've ever heard of it happening. The only reason I know that there's a door is because a reaper showed Sam where it was."

"Your life doesn't make any sense, you know that?"

"Get used to it."

As they got closer to the demon, Dean sensed other creatures. At least two Leviathans, a vampire, and a few others. And blood. Dean smelled a lot of blood.

"They're fighting," he said quietly.

"Who are?" Emma replied, suddenly whispering.

"The demon and some others. Don't make any noise."

They needed to get close without being seen. Years of practice meant that both Dean and Emma could sneak up on their prey without ever making a sound. As they approached, they could see the fight through a break in the trees. The Leviathans were still standing as well as the vampire. But the demon was holding her own.

A few steps closer, and Dean threw caution to the wind as the realization hit him. He broke into a run and threw himself at the nearest Leviathan, severing its head with one swipe. The vampire leapt at him, and Dean let it pull him to the ground, twisting as they fell so he landed on top. The vampire swung his weapon, but Dean knocked it out of his hand and brought his knife down onto the vampire's throat. It wasn't the cleanest cut, but the thing was dead.

As Dean stood up, he noticed Emma standing warily between two trees. The demon had finished off the other Leviathan and was currently smiling at Dean in the ironic sort of way only she could.

"Emma," Dean said, "meet Meg."

**~oOo~**

_One year ago..._

_Benny woke to the sound of muffled whimpering and a strange pressure on his legs. He was still sitting with his back to a flat spot in the rock, so he could see that Lenore was awake. She had moved slightly so that she was sitting on the ground, but in the small space between the boulders and tree roots, there wasn't much room, so her feet were resting on top of Benny's shins. She was trying to get a look at the wound on her leg, but it was at an odd angle and she couldn't bend it too far without a lot of pain._

_Benny slid his legs out from under her and pulled up onto his knees. It was then he realized just how tight and dark their hideout was. The two of them barely fit side by side._

_"Is it really bad?" Lenore asked, looking up at Benny._

_He leaned over to get a better look, but it might as well have been midnight for as dark as it was. "We should get out into the light," he said, standing up._

_Benny could see the way they came down by the smears of blood on the rocks, but it would be much more difficult getting out. There was no way Lenore would be able to climb it. Benny reached for a handhold and pulled himself up to see how far they had to go. The little cavern was only about eight feet from top to bottom, but there was only one way out._

_"I'm gonna go up and pull you out," Benny said. "Can you lean against the rocks here?"_

_Lenore reached for Benny's outstretched hand and managed to stand on one leg. She put her other hand against the biggest boulder and transferred her weight to it. The effort seemed to drain her, and Benny could finally see her face more clearly, deathly pale and still stained with Leviathan blood. They'd have to find water soon to get cleaned up._

_"Just for a minute," Lenore said in answer to Benny's question._

_He nodded and began climbing as fast as he could. Which was more difficult than it sounded. There weren't many places to put his hands and feet, and the side of the rock was barely sloped enough to get any kind of traction. But he made it to the top and immediately turned around to help Lenore. He anchored his feet around the lip of another rock and lowered his arms to reach her. It was just far enough to get a good grip on her arms without letting her swing too much once her feet left the ground. She used her good leg to push up, and soon, Benny had his arms around her waist, and the rest was easy._

_For a moment, they just laid there on the ground, catching their breath. They still had a long way to go, but Benny knew they were weak. They needed to be smarter about how they carried on because they couldn't rely on strength._

_"You know that whole plan to survive?" Lenore said in a faint voice._

_"Yeah?" Benny replied._

_"Guess I kinda screwed that up."_

_"It wasn't your fault."_

_"It's your turn to stop being polite. I put us both at risk for a shirt and a pair of shoes."_

_"It's not such a bad thing that you don't think like a killer." Benny got to his feet and took a good look at their surroundings. "And I can probably mend your clothes later. Right now we should get to water so we can get that bite cleaned out."_

_Lenore nodded and didn't say anything else. The brief conversation seemed to wear her out. So, without waiting for permission, Benny lifted her up again, and headed off toward where the ground dipped downward, hoping the change in elevation indicated a nearby stream._

_Lenore was more alert than she had been the night before, but her eyes still had a glassy quality, and she took carefully measured breaths punctuated by the occasional gasp of pain when Benny stepped over a fallen log or brushed her foot against a tree. It was a bumpy ride through the dense forest, but Benny finally heard the sound he'd been waiting for. Another ten minutes, and they had reached the bank of a narrow stream with overgrown trees and bushes on all sides. It would make for good cover._

_Benny found a spot of open ground and set Lenore down carefully on her left side. He took her pack and got out the leftover bandages. Then he spread out his coat on the ground and moved her on top of it. The leg of her jeans was barely hanging on, but he might be able to patch it up, so he didn't want to cut them up more._

_"We're gonna have to take these off," he said regretfully._

_"Okay," Lenore replied weakly. Benny could tell she was embarrassed._

_The awkwardness wasn't even the worst part. Some of the blood had dried, causing the denim to stick to Lenore's skin, and it was painful to pull free. But in the end, the jeans came off, still barely in one piece. Benny put them in the stream, weighed down by some rocks to let the blood soak out of them._

_"So, I'm gonna have to walk in wet clothes?" Lenore joked nervously._

_"You're not gonna be walking for a while when I'm done," Benny said. He tried to sound as apologetic as possible without pity. Pity would only make her feel worse._

_Lenore was very still as he cleaned out the bite and began bandaging it up. But her muscles were rigid, and she was breathing heavily through her nose with her teeth clenched. There was nothing Benny could do to make it less painful; he could only move as quickly as possible to get it over with._

_The bite marks went deeper than Benny had been hoping. They would take a long time to fully heal. Never had Benny wished more for a little human blood. There may have been no thirst in Purgatory, but it sure as hell would have helped with injuries._

_Once Benny was finished wrapping up Lenore's leg, he covered her up in his coat and helped her sit up against a tree. Then he took one of the few pieces of the werewolf's shirt that they had left and soaked it in water to clean the blood off Lenore's face. She didn't say anything as he did so, but she also wouldn't look him in the eye. He understood that, and he didn't try to talk to her._

_After that, he left her alone and went to see what he could do about her jeans. There wasn't much material left where the knee should have been, so the pants would end up considerably shorter than they were supposed to be. But years of mending sails and tying knots had left Benny perfectly able to repair a torn pant leg with negligible materials. The finished product wasn't very pretty, but nothing in this Godforsaken place was pretty. Well, maybe that wasn't entirely true. When she wasn't covered in black and red blood, Lenore could reasonably be described as beautiful. Though she probably wouldn't appreciate it if Benny said so at the moment._

_When he looked back at Lenore, Benny saw that she had fallen asleep again. It was probably the best thing for her. He would have liked to move on, but they were surrounded by dense trees, and the only way down to the waterside was the way they came. No one would think to come down to the stream here, and if they did, Benny would be ready for them._

_In the meantime, he checked his own wounds again, which had torn open during the night. They weren't that bad, though, if a bit irritating. He decided to leave them for now since there wasn't much he could do anyway. As he draped Lenore's jeans over a nearby shrub, he noticed a forked stick wedged between two trees, and he got an idea._

_Using the axe Sam had given him, Benny cut the stick free. It was just the right length and thickness. He trimmed the points down and used a stray rock to blunt them. Then he took the last of the bandages and wrapped them around the fork to create a little bit of padding. It didn't look very impressive, but it would make a serviceable crutch once Lenore was able to stand again._

_Benny may have been able to move faster when he carried her, but not for nearly as long, and he had a feeling they needed endurance now more than speed. Their last few days had been slow, but steady, and they needed to keep that up as long as they were injured. Once they were both in better shape, they could run in short spurts and cover greater distances. For now, they had to be cautious._

_Benny found a spot to sit and watch the narrow pathway in case of visitors, and then set to work repairing the holes in his shirt. Every few minutes, his gaze would move from the trees to where Lenore still slept. Just to be sure she was okay._

**~oOo~**

The subsequent weeks after the first vampire job were no less active. Every time Sam thought they might have a lull, Cas found another case in another city. Every time it was small nests, as if they had just sprung up out of nowhere. Sam had to believe this was part of the Alpha's plan, but he wasn't sure what the angle was yet. Maybe he was spreading out his people at strategic points, but surely he would have warned them about hunters, told them to be inconspicuous. But the signs were too easy to follow, and Sam got the uncomfortable feeling that this was the plan. To distract hunters with small things while the Alpha worked on his master plan.

There had been no progress on tracking down the man himself. He was as elusive as ever. But Sam kept working robotically. He barely noticed his growing collection of bite marks or the dull ache that settled into his bones. Dean would have called him out for being lazy, careless, but Sam didn't care. Dean wasn't here, and he wouldn't ever be. He'd left Sam to deal wit this on his own, and damn it, Sam would do things his own way. Maybe he would get himself killed. Maybe it would be a relief.

Killing a few vampires always cured Sam of that sort of thinking. He still had a job to do. The world still needed him. He couldn't deny that it would have been better if Dean had stayed. Even as a vampire, he would have been a big help. Maybe even more so. And Sam couldn't help thinking that if he hadn't been so hard on Benny, Dean might not have felt the need to die just because some monster tried to make him one of them. Or maybe Dean would have felt that way anyway. It was a small comfort to think so.

It wasn't long before Cas started showing signs of exhaustion just like Sam. He actually fell asleep sometimes and he upped his coffee intake significantly. He was quiet too. Well, he was always quiet, but it seemed like he didn't want to talk most of the time. Sam was okay with that. The things they had in common weren't good conversation topics: guilt, loss, Dean.

Sam could see it happening, but he refused to admit it; he was becoming just as fanatical as he was the first time Dean died. Only this time, his work wasn't to bring his brother back to life. It was much less inspiring. He wasn't eager like he had been then. He was tired. But he couldn't stop. Every new case reminded Sam of Dean's sacrifice, of the innocent people who would get hurt if he didn't act. So he kept going.

When the blood started running, Sam felt like he was living. The rest of his days were mere shadows floating in and out of his memory. All that mattered was killing vampires. Every last one of them. And he could only hope that once they got to Purgatory, Dean killed them all over again.

When Sam slept, he fell so deep that his dreams almost seemed real. The memory of killing Kevin had all but faded into darker imaginations. Now, when he closed his eyes, Sam spent his nights killing hundreds of vampires with the same face. Dean's face. Only he wasn't really Dean. He was a monster, masquerading as Sam's brother. Taking all of Sam's worst fears and making them come to life. The imitation Dean bared his teeth and bit and clawed at Sam until there was no other choice but to kill him. And then another one came, and another, and another until Sam's dreams were a blur of blood and dead green eyes.

He woke sweating and aching all over as if he really had been fighting all night. Then he went out and killed some more vampires and started the whole cycle over again.

Eventually, Cas stopped asking what Sam was dreaming about after never getting a straight answer. But he had a haunted look in his eyes as if he knew. As if he'd seen what Sam was seeing, and it was tearing him up from the inside. Or perhaps, Sam was just seeing his own mind reflected in Cas' piercing eyes.

It was a routine hunt when everything went pear-shaped. They had tracked another nest to an old industrial building that was all boarded up with foreclosure signs in the grime coated windows. They had reason to suspect this was a bigger group, so they took all the necessary precautions, disguising their scent and carrying plenty of dead man's blood. They took different approaches so as to surround the inhabitants.

But they hadn't counted on being anticipated. The vampires were ready for them, and put up more of a fight than Sam had faced in what seemed like years. He didn't know if he'd ever fought something that was so determined not to die. After one or two kills, they had him surrounded and knocked the machete out of his hand before at least four of them grabbed his arms and held him down. Sam fought with all he had to get free, but it was no use. There were too many of them.

Their leader, a seemingly middle aged woman, came forward with Sam's blade, and he knew what was coming. He knew it because he could taste it in his mouth every time he killed one of the bloodsuckers. Revenge. Sweet, bitter, and addictive revenge. The woman drew back the blade, and everything went white as Sam faded from consciousness.

* * *

**Life got kind of crazy again this week, so sorry the chapter is a little late. I hope to post a little early next week because I'll be out of town for the weekend. Thank you for your patience.**


	7. You Are Not Alone

**Chapter Six "You Are Not Alone"**

"You do something different with your hair?" Meg asked with raised eyebrows and a hint of a smile.

Dean flashed his teeth and wiped the blood off his knife. "Thought you were dead," he said impassively.

"I was. Am. You know how it goes." Meg shrugged.

"Crowley killed you with an angel sword."

"And you know better than anyone that souls don't die."

"So that means all the other demons I've killed are still out there somewhere?"

"Not somewhere. They're right where I left them. The deepest, darkest pit of Hell. The only reason I got out was because I had most of the demon knocked out of me before I got there."

"And you decided to move to a new neighborhood?"

"Seemed like the best choice at the time. Not so sure about that now." Meg looked around with a rueful expression. "I guess the scenery is an improvement. But what happened to you? Last I knew you were trying to close the gates of Hell?"

Dean weighed his answer carefully. "Yeah, that didn't work out exactly the way we planned."

"I noticed. What happened?"

"The cost was too high. Then the angels got kicked out of Heaven, and we had bigger problems."

"And..."

Dean knew Meg wanted to ask about Cas, even though she wouldn't say it. "He's fine. More or less."

Meg shrugged. "At least I died for something then."

At this point, Emma had come closer to the conversation, and she looked from Dean to Meg with a confused expression. "What the hell is going on here?" she asked. "You're friends with a demon?"

"Friends might be stretching it," Dean said.

"Yeah, thanks," Meg said, crossing her arms. "And who's this? Your new girlfriend?"

Dean and Emma looked at each other in horror.

"Oh," Meg said. "_Oh_. How did that happen?"

"We should get out of here," Dean said. "Plenty of time for stories later."

"Fine." Meg almost seemed to pout as they began walking off into the trees. "What's there to do around here anyway?"

"We're looking for a fabled vampire," Emma said, affecting a dramatic tone. "He may or may not be south of here, and he may or may not be alive. Well, as alive as anything is here."

"And that's another thing." Meg turned to Dean. "What's a Winchester doing a little left of Hell?"

"Later," Dean said, pushing aside branches to find a good path.

"Guess if you walk and talk at the same time, you might strain something."

"He got turned into a vampire, obviously," Emma said. "And being the morally upright gentleman than he is, he asked some unnamed person to kill him."

"Gentleman?" Meg laughed.

"You'll notice she uses a lot of sarcasm," Dean said, not looking back at the girls.

"Wonder where she gets that," Meg muttered.

"We don't talk about heredity," Emma said. "Come to think of it, we don't really talk about much."

"The Winchesters never were much for conversation. You should meet their angel, though. He's much more interesting."

"They have their own angel?"

"He's kind of like a puppy. Follows Dean everywhere. Well, he did until now."

"That's not funny," Dean said.

"I wasn't trying to be funny," Meg replied with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Dean looked back at Meg, but she wouldn't meet his eyes, and she said no more about it. They carried on in silence after that.

**~oOo~**

_Six months ago..._

_The days slipped into an easy pattern after a while. Sometimes, Benny forgot how long he'd been with Lenore. Sometimes, he thought he always had been. After the first few days, they worked together seamlessly. Having treated each other injuries and made up for each other's weaknesses, they now knew everything they needed to stay alive. There were times that Benny had to chase away the distant memories of his time with Dean. It wasn't as if Lenore was the same anyway. For one thing, she seemed reluctant to kill anything unless it was coming right at them. It helped in the long run. They didn't draw attention to themselves by leaving behind a lot of bodies._

_After a while, the wounds faded too. They were more careful because they knew the kind of danger they had survived. They found plenty more Leviathan kills, but a few weeks into their southward journey, they became fewer. Benny and Lenore began to run into more exotic monsters living on their own. Some of them didn't bother pursuing the two vampires. The ones that did never made it further than the end of Lenore's knife or Benny's axe._

_Some nights when Purgatory was silent and nothing was trying to kill them, Benny actually felt safe with Lenore. When it was her turn to keep watch, he fell asleep quickly and didn't wake at every rustle of the stale breeze through the trees. And when he did wake, it was slow. He enjoyed the feeling of what little pale sunlight there was filtering down through the leaves and needles of the forest canopy above them, reflecting off the crown of Lenore's hair and the edge of her knife._

_Nothing was supposed to be beautiful here. Benny wasn't even sure if he was supposed to be capable of understanding the concept. But he always had. Even the first time here, he had seen the sunlight and the faded colors. The difference was that he had pushed aside those feelings before. Now, he embraced them._

_Benny couldn't be sure if Lenore noticed the same things he did. At least, not until he woke one morning to see that she wasn't sitting against the old redwood where she had been when he woke her a few hours earlier to take her turn on watch. They had made camp on the wide bank of a lake near a large outcropping of boulders. They were far beyond anywhere Benny had been before, and the lake was bigger than any he had seen. It was the lake that drew his attention now, not because it was impossible to see the other side, but because twenty yards out, Lenore was standing with her back to him with water up to her elbows. The overcast light seemed to wash out everything except her ivory skin. That was luminous._

_She turned her head slightly, so he could see her face. Her arms were crossed over her chest. Still shy. But not like she had been when he treated her leg wound. She looked right at him, and she wasn't embarrassed that he'd seen her. Her clothes were in a pile at his feet, and he knew what she would say before she said it._

"_Come out." She faced away from him again and let her arms drop to her sides._

_It made sense that it would be like this. Water was the cleanest thing in Purgatory._

_As Benny walked out into the water, feeling the first shock of the cold against his skin, he knew exactly what he was doing. Love, beauty, desire, they weren't supposed to exist here. But somehow, they had it. They transcended. Maybe they weren't monsters._

_But something else crossed Benny's mind as he reached Lenore and she turned to face him, initiating the first kiss: vampires mate for life._

**~oOo~**

There was a painful ringing in his ears followed by a cold, sterile sensation. It took Sam a long time to really wake up. To remember who he was and where he'd been last. This wasn't Heaven. Or Hell. So, he wasn't dead.

And his head was throbbing worse than it ever had before. And Sam had experienced plenty of head wounds. But the lights in the room seemed to bright and the low hum of the monitors beside the bed might as well have been a chorus of freight trains.

There was something else. Something out of place in that sterile room. A living, breathing body. Sam turned his head, and pain exploded behind his eyes. He barely managed to catch a glimpse of the person in chair beside him. a woman with short dark hair. He could hear her moving, even with the brass band playing in his head.

"Sam?" Her voice was soft through the din. "You okay?"

Jody. Her cool hand was on his forehead, and he remembered that feeling from somewhere far back in the past that he couldn't pinpoint.

"My head..." Sam managed to say.

"You have a concussion," Jody replied with an ironic tone in her voice. "Among other things. You're gonna have to take it easy for a while."

It was then Sam remembered the very important thing he was forgetting. "Where's Cas?"

"The guy they brought in with you? He's... in some sort of coma. They won't tell me much because they don't know who he is, and neither do I."

Sam was finally able to open his eyes again slowly. He didn't move his head this time, but Jody was sitting on the edge of the bed where he could see her more clearly. She looked tired, but a lot better off than he was.

"He's an angel," Sam said. "Sort of."

Jody raised her eyebrows. "Sort of?"

"It's complicated. How'd you find us, anyway?"

"The hospital called every number in your phone, and I was the only one who answered. I told them I was your aunt."

"Aren't you a little young to be my aunt?"

"Thanks." But Jody didn't seem amused. "Where is Dean?"

Sam really hadn't thought about ever having to tell anyone what happened to his brother. For some reason, the future stretched out in front of him as just himself and Cas fighting all the monsters they came across. The thought of explaining how that arrangement came to be just hadn't occurred to him.

"Uh, he's in Purgatory." It seemed easier than saying _dead_.

Jody frowned. "What's he doing there?"

"That's where vampires go."

Jody stood up, looking suddenly pale. "What the hell is going on here, Sam?"

He didn't want to explain. Couldn't she see that? Maybe it was just his head, but this whole thing felt strange.

"I'm sorry." Jody lowered her voice and sunk down to the bed again. "It's just that I don't hear from you for months on end, and now this. There's something big happening. Hunters all over the place have been reporting more and more vampires than ever before. It's like they're planning something, but no one knows what."

"The Alpha," Sam said. "He's the one that turned Dean. He wants to fight the hunters or something. Take over the world. I don't know what. We're going after him."

"Hence the nearly dying in an abandoned building thing. But there were no vampires there."

"Yes there were."

"They got away?"

"No, I think Cas vaporized them or something. They were about to kill me when there was this light, and then... nothing."

"Guess that explains why someone called the police about noises and lights. But if you're going after the Alpha, why chase down random nests? You just hoping to find him?"

"We're working on it. All our searches have turned up nothing. In the meantime, we kill vampires."

"Therapeutic, huh?"

"Something like that." Sam noticed that Jody was looking at all the bite mark scars on his arms. He had a lot more she couldn't see.

"You know, you could have called me for help." Jody looked away from Sam.

"You've got Annie to take care of. Don't you think you've had enough of vampires?"

Jody turned back to him with a sharp look. "If there's some big plot to destroy the world, we're not gonna sit back and let it happen. You have friends, Sam. More than you think. You're not alone in this."

Sam remembered about the concussion after he shook his head and the pain spiked again. By the time he opened his eyes, Jody was smiling and gently brushing hair from his forehead.

And then, he realized where he'd felt that cool touch before. He was a child, and he was sick, and Dean was there taking care of him. Now it seemed like the whole world was ganging up to take care of him in Dean's absence.

* * *

**This is one of my favorite chapters. I love writing about people's relationships and how they develop. Let me know what you think!**


	8. Turn Left

**Chapter Seven "Turn Left"**

Dean woke in the dark to the sound of metal scraping against wood. Meg sat a short distance away, sharpening a stick with Dean's knife which she had borrowed before he went to sleep. She didn't look at him or mention anything about the screaming. Emma stirred a little in her spot under the cedar tree, but didn't wake up.

Dean moved away from the tree, and sat on the ground next to Meg. Her spear was coming along nicely.

"I can finish that if you want to sleep awhile." Dean didn't say it to be nice. He just didn't want to talk to her.

"I don't need sleep," Meg said, looking down the length of the point to see if it was straight. "When I had a human body, I could sleep, but I didn't have to."

"So what are you now? I mean, if you're not possessing anyone. You still look the same."

"I have some theories. Probably a projection of who I think I am. Who I want to be."

"As opposed to your true form."

"That would make conversation difficult. I don't know. It's like I haven't smoked out in so long, I don't really remember how."

"Funny to think you were such an impressive demon once."

"Funny?" Meg glared at Dean for a moment before turning back to her spear. "I suppose that would be funny to you. Poetic justice or something. I hate poetry."

"You've mentioned that. It's just that when we first ran into you, you were like public enemy number one. Now you're barely a demon at all."

"Guess I'll take that as a compliment. It's the closest I'm likely to get from you."

"Probably." Dean shifted his position because there was a pointy rock behind him, that kept digging into his back. He rested his arm on top of the rock, and ran his hand over the sharp spot. If he had some way of breaking the stone, it would make a much better spearhead than a sharpened stick.

"So you gonna tell me how you ended up with a kid nobody knew about?" Meg asked. "Not that I'm surprised, I'm just... bored." She smirked as she smoothed out the finely carved spear.

"It's kind of a long story," Dean said. He didn't really have a reason not to tell Meg except that she annoyed him. But he didn't exactly want her to hear it from Emma either.

"Nothing but time here," Meg said.

"Well, we were hunting Amazons."

"That explains things."

"You want me to tell the story?"

"Sorry. Continue."

"It was just after Bobby died, and I wasn't exactly on top of things."

"Are you ever?"

"Never mind."

"No, I'm sorry. What happened next? How did you manage to father a teenager three years ago?"

"I was getting to that. Amazons go after, well, men. They pick one, and... you know."

Meg looked like she really wanted to laugh but was trying hard not to. "And you got yourself, what, randomly selected?"

"Something like that. Anyway, it turned out that it was the kids who were killing people. They were born like the next day and aged really fast."

Meg nodded. "She came after you, and you killed her. A monster's a monster, right?"

"No." Dean ran his hand over the rock again. "I thought maybe she could be different. But she went into attack mode, and Sam shot her."

"Your family is messed up."

"I know." Dean didn't really want to think about it. He pressed the heel of his hand against the rock as if to push the memories away. He didn't expect the stone to give way in his hand, leaving him with a jagged piece about the size of a baseball.

"Here." He handed the stone to Meg.

She looked at it curiously. "Where'd this come from?"

"Right here."

"No it didn't. I looked around for something like this, and I didn't find anything. That's why I made this." She gestured with the spear.

"It broke off."

Meg looked at Dean with new scrutiny. "You broke it? With your bare hands?"

Dean shrugged. "It must have been loose."

"No it wasn't. I know vampires were strong, but that's kind of ridiculous."

"I don't think it's normal."

"Figures."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When have you ever been normal, Dean Winchester?"

**~oOo~**

By the time Sam was able to leave his hospital room, Cas had woken up and informed the doctors that he was an angel, and that was why their equipment didn't work on him. Someone suggested admitting him to the mental health ward until Sam convinced them Cas was harmless. Of course, he had to invent a convoluted story about who Cas was, all the while hoping the fake ID Jody had gotten for him would hold up. It was only after a significant amount of rigamarole that Sam was able to take Cas home with strict instructions from Jody to take it easy and promises that she would be checking in to be sure her orders were obeyed.

Sam wasn't worried about that. His last encounter with the vampires had left him shaken. It wasn't the first time he'd been seriously injured on a hunt, but it was the first time he really believed he was going to die because Dean wasn't coming to save him. Which was unfair to Cas, but Sam wasn't concerned with being fair right now. He was too preoccupied by the thought that he might not be able to get back out there because he was afraid. Not afraid of dying, necessarily, but of something like it.

They were halfway back to Kansas when Sam realized that what he was afraid of had already happened. Dean was in Purgatory which meant that they would never see each other again. If Sam died, he'd become a ghost until Heaven was reopened, and then be eternally separated from his brother. Maybe Sam had always been okay with dying because he believed that he and Dean would get to see each other. But not anymore. It wasn't death that terrified Sam. It was living without Dean.

So, Sam followed Jody's orders. He stayed home and organized the library. He cleaned weapons and practiced cooking. He started an herb garden on the hillside. That was where Jody found him on her first weekend visit. He had taken to tying his hair back when he worked outside because it was getting longer and sticking to his face, which had enough hair on it as it was since he had forgone shaving every day.

"When I said take it easy, I didn't mean turn into Martha Stewart," Jody said as she reached the garden.

"These are for spells and warding," Sam said, not looking up from his work.

"Castiel said you'd been cooking and cleaning too."

"Somebody has to, and he's not exactly human."

"I know." Jody knelt down beside Sam and started pulling weeds. "You feeling any better?"

"My head doesn't feel like it's imploding most of the time, so yeah."

"I looked into some of the vampire sightings we talked about. You kinda have to read between the lines, but it sounds like hunters are getting worried. Like whatever's happening is going to be really bad really soon."

Sam shook his head. "What does it matter? We can't stop it."

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam could see Jody's horrified look. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? You're a hunter, Sam. You can always do _something_."

"I can't save anyone. I couldn't even save Dean. I wasn't even there!"

"Sam, that wasn't your fault."

"Then whose fault was it?" Sam finally turned to face Jody. "If I'd gone with him, I could have stopped Dean from getting turned."

"You don't know that. You might just have been killed yourself."

"It would have been better than this."

"Don't say that. Don't ever wish to be dead. Your life is much too important."

"No it's not. Not really. It was important to Dean, but not because I ever did any good. Just because he didn't want to be alone. He was the one who saved people. I just tagged along and screwed things up so he could fix them. But he didn't want to live without me. That was my purpose. But now I have to live without him, and I don't want to be alone either. I'm just like him except I can't save anyone."

Jody stared at Sam for a moment, eyes wide. She looked like she might cry. Then she slapped him hard across the face. Sam gazed at her in shock as she stood up to her full height, now looking down on him because he was still on his knees in the garden dirt.

"What do you think Dean would say if he were here now? You think he'd tell you that you're worthless and you can't save anybody? No! He'd say, 'Snap out of it, Sammy! Go kill those sons of bitches who turned me.' He would want you to keep fighting, even if it seemed hopeless. Which, by the way, it's not. There are plenty of hunters out there ready to team up and fight this new wave. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but you can't give up and grow vegetables for the rest of your life."

Sam stood slowly, but he still felt about two inches tall. He couldn't really respond to that. Of course, Jody was right. Dean wouldn't want this for Sam. He looked down at his immaculate garden. Maybe it would be useful, but it wasn't where he should be spending most of his time.

He sighed. "They're herbs," he said. "I _would _like to move up to potatoes and carrots soon, but I think I'll be busy. Do you want to see the library?"

Jody smiled gently and took Sam's arm. "Just don't let me fall down this mountainside and break my neck," she said.

**~oOo~**

_Six months ago..._

_All their lingering was dangerous, but Benny got the feeling Lenore didn't care any more than he did. There was no one around for miles, not even the slightest scent of an enemy. And most strangely of all, the sun peaked out of the clouds for a little while. It didn't hurt like it would have when they were alive. So, they climbed out of the lake onto the pile of boulders and laid out to let the sun dry them. A day like this was unheard of, and they were going to take every advantage of it._

_For a long time, they didn't say anything, just enjoying the warmth and quiet. There were no birds to sing in the trees or insects to chirp, but Benny could almost imagine there were. He was starting to think this whole thing might be a long dream because it didn't make any sense. But dreams had never been so real._

_Any minute, Benny was sure the sun would disappear behind the constant shadow that could hardly be called clouds. But it stayed. After a while, Lenore sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to get out some of the perpetual rats' nests. She stared off over the water, squinting at the light reflected from the surface._

"_I guess it's okay to ask now." She spoke so quietly Benny could hardly hear her. "When you were alive, did you have a mate."_

_Benny had to think about it. Of course, she meant a vampire mate. The answer to that was no. But he couldn't exactly say he'd never loved anyone before._

"_No," he finally said._

"_But?" Lenore knew there was more to the story._

"_I told you why I was killed the first time. She was a human. But she died."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_It was a long time ago."_

_Lenore turned her head, so that she was looking over her shoulder at Benny. "Time doesn't really heal," she said._

_He looked her in the eye, and then he knew that she wasn't asking out of idle curiosity. She'd lost someone too. "No it doesn't," he replied._

_She turned away again, and the sunlight began to fade. Lenore shivered slightly, but Benny didn't think it was because she was cold. He pulled himself up to a sitting position so that his shoulder was behind her. She leaned over and let him put his arms around her, but she didn't say anything. She didn't have to explain. He already knew._

"_His name was Charles." Lenore's voice came out sort of muffled. "He was the sort of person to drink tea and read stuffy books all evening. He did, actually. It was a habit he couldn't quite get out of, even though he couldn't taste the tea anymore. We had a good system going with the nest feeding on animals and staying out of trouble. We weren't expecting a hunter to come after us. He killed Charles first. I knew everyone's first instinct would be to kill the hunter, and I knew I couldn't let them do that. Not that I didn't want him dead, but... Charles was one of the few who really believed in what we were doing. I had to keep it going for him. But the hunter caught up to me before I could escape. That's when the Winchesters saved me. I was actually optimistic that I could salvage my peaceful nest, but I was too foolish to see that it had already fallen apart. Over the next few years, everyone scattered. They went back to human blood because moral superiority wasn't worth the effort when no one cared anyway. When I died... I tried to find Charles, but I knew he would never have lasted long here."_

_It took a moment for Benny to realize that Lenore was done telling her story. There was nothing he could say. He couldn't tell her it would be all right, because it wouldn't. They were a bit south of Hell, and they were stuck here forever._

_But they had each other, and that was something. That was everything._

_The sun was gone, and the wind picked up, bringing with it the scent of various monsters a few miles off. Benny and Lenore wordlessly climbed down from the boulders and gathered their things. In less than a minute, they had left the lake behind. They would likely never return. But they wouldn't forget._

**~oOo~**

It was the middle of the night when Castiel heard a strange noise coming from down the hall. He knew it wasn't Sam or Jody because they had both gone to bed in the other direction hours ago. For a second, he thought he might have imagined the noise because he hadn't quite been himself after killing all those vampires.

But it came again, a loud creaking, as if one of the doors were under attack from a hurricane on the inside.

Taking his angel blade in hand, Castiel moved slowly down the corridor, watching for any signs of movement. When he found the source, it was obvious. There was a bright yellow light coming from the crack under the heavy wooden door, accompanied by the sound of wind blowing against it.

Castiel stood ready for whatever would come out at him. He considered that maybe he should have woken Sam to help with this, but it was too late now; the door was beginning to open.

That was when things got even stranger. Instead of a closet or a storage room, the view beyond the door was a long golden pathway surrounded by fields and woods. And standing in the doorway was a small woman with red hair. Her eyes widened at the sight of Castiel and she put up her hands defensively.

"Whoa there, dude. Calm down," she said.

Castiel realized that he was holding his blade in a very threatening manner, but he didn't lower it just yet. "Who are you? _What _are you?"

"Charlie. I'm a person. Where are Dean and Sam?"

Castiel pointed through the door. "And what's that?"

Charlie looked back. "Oz," she said, as if it should have been obvious. "Who are you anyway?"

"Castiel. How did you get here from a fictional place?"

"It's a long story. There's this key that opens doors between different worlds, and I went to have an adventure with Dorothy, but I promised I'd come back, and you're that guy from the books, aren't you? The angel?"

"You've read the books?"

"Yes, and you still haven't told me where the guys are. If you're here, they must be around."

"Sam is sleeping. I think you should probably close the door."

Charlie pulled the door closed and began to follow Castiel down the hallway. "So where have you been since the apocalypse?" she asked. "The books stopped after Sam dragged Lucifer into the cage."

"Here and there," Castiel said. He wasn't really listening, too busy thinking about how he was going to explain Dean's absence when Charlie noticed he wasn't here.

* * *

**Sorry about updating a little late. I remembered as I was going to bed last night, but then I forgot about it until now. :/ I haven't exactly been myself lately, but I'm hoping things will get back to normal in the next week.**


	9. Forest of the Dead

**Chapter Eight "Forest of the Dead"**

Several weeks into the search for the mythical vampire, Meg and Emma went out scouting while Dean was back at their current campsite working on new weapons because his and Emma's knives were starting to get dull. Meg was perfectly happy with her spear now that it had the piece of jagged rock Dean had given her as it's point. The sharp side was wide enough that she could decapitate or disembowel at five feet. Not that she'd had much opportunity to kill anything lately. Dean had insisted they stay under the radar for now, which meant letting prey pass by just so long as it didn't bother them.

Meg was itching to kill something. Anything. She was still a demon after all. Emma seemed indifferent to the whole thing. When she killed, it was quick and precise. She was an expert. She could inflict a lot of pain if she needed to, but lately, they hadn't run into any hostiles who knew about the human-loving vampire. Meg was beginning to doubt his existence.

Still, she carried on, following Dean's orders because she needed someone to follow. Maybe more because she owed it to Castiel to watch out for his friend. It wasn't as if she actually enjoyed Dean's company. They were too similar to get along well: both sarcastic and single-minded with a startling proficiency at causing agony to just about anything that could feel pain.

It had been days since they had seen any life (or non-life) around their camp, and Meg was beginning to think they had reached the end of this world where no one ever went because it was too empty. Of course, she didn't have Dean's sense of smell. He promised there were others around, just far enough away that they didn't see anyone. The thought made Meg wary as she and Emma crested a small hill that led down to a dense cluster of trees and rocks. They could hear water running somewhere to the west, and that explained why the foliage became so thick lower down. Running water was always a good place to find other monsters.

Meg made for the trees, thinking of how nice it would be to sink her spear into a werewolf or stray leviathan. With these thoughts distracting her, she didn't see the movement to her left, but Emma did.

"Duck!" Emma shouted, as a shiny knife flew at Meg's head.

Meg dropped to one knee and raised her spear in the direction of the attacker. It was a female vampire, and she hadn't wasted her only ammunition. She leapt toward Meg with a mean looking ax made of stone and something's femur. She took a swipe at Meg's spear, notching the wood. That was the problem with homemade weapons. Meg jabbed at the vampire causing her to jump back. That gave Meg enough time to get on her feet and throw the bitch against a tree with a well aimed thought. She was getting a bit rusty on the telekinetic stuff, but in a tight spot, she could manage it.

Meg took her time picking up the vampire's ax and turning her attention to her trapped victim.

"This is actually nice," Meg said, testing the weight of the ax in her hand.

"It's mine," a voice from behind said.

Meg turned to see a man had Emma in a choke hold. He held the shiny knife now, poised precisely over Emma's jugular.

"Let her go," the man said in a slow, easy voice. "And nobody has to die."

"What makes you think I care about her?" Meg asked. She was bluffing of course. She wouldn't let anything happen to Emma on purpose. She just really wanted to kill these two pests.

"You're a demon," the man said. "So you probably don't care about anything, but if you're traveling with her, she's got some value to you. And you know Amazons die just like humans." He traced the blade along her neck, creating a tiny stream of blood that began to trickle down to Emma's collar bone.

Meg felt the smooth bone handle under her fingers and contemplated flinging the bastard's own weapon at his head, but he could easily duck and it would hit Emma. And as aloof as he pretended to be, Dean would not like that.

"So I let your friend go, and you let mine? That how it works?" Meg said.

"Drop the weapons first," he replied.

Meg shook her head. "You know what I am? Then you know I'd never break a deal. How can I be so sure about you?"

The man tilted his head to the side and got a look as if he were amused. This whole time, Emma never once looked afraid. She looked annoyed, but not the least bit concerned that she might be about to die. She caught Meg's gaze for split second before bringing her hand up and catching the man's wrist in a death grip. He barely seemed to register what happened before Emma had knocked the knife from his hand and twisted his arm behind his back. For a moment, Meg could only stare in shock.

"And _you _should know," Emma said, tugging the man's arm more. "Amazons are stronger than vampires. Even old ones like you."

"All right, that's enough," Dean's voice broke in like a thunderclap. Meg was certain he didn't always sound like that. He was standing at the top of the hill, looking down on them with a dark expression that even scared Meg a little.

"They tried to kill us," Emma said in a way that sounded more like _they started it._

"They're my friends. Let them go."

Meg grudgingly let the female vampire drop to the ground. She thought she noticed Emma give the man's arm one more twist before letting him go.

"You never said there were two of them," Emma complained.

Dean ignored her for the moment as he and his friend shared an enthusiastic embrace. Dean was really smiling for the first time since Meg had found him here. Maybe the first time she'd ever seen. But she thought she heard him say something along the lines of "touch her again, and I'll kill you" though he disguised it as a laugh.

The vampire came out of the hug grimacing and holding his injured arm. Served him right, attacking a teenager like that. Of course, Meg had been about to kill his girlfriend, so maybe it was all a big misunderstanding. Which was really sad because Meg had really wanted to kill something today. Instead, she handed the bone ax back to the woman, and turned to see that Dean and his friend were in deep conversation.

**~oOo~**

"What the hell are you doing here?" were the first words out of Benny's mouth. "And what's with them?" He nodded toward Meg and Emma.

Dean had been expecting this of course. He'd have to explain everything to Benny, but at the moment, he was just glad to see that his friend was still alive. Sort of.

"It's a really, really long story," Dean said. "And this is Emma and Meg. They're... complicated."

"I'm hardly gone a year, and you get yourself turned?"

"Yeah, what about that, Dean?" Meg interjected. "We all know how much you love to talk about it."

Dean glared at her. He wished there was a way to kill a demon in Purgatory, but even if he could, he'd never be able to do it. It wasn't like Cas would ever know, but the thought of it still felt like betrayal.

It was Lenore who made the sensible suggestion. "Maybe we'd better move on," she said. "Crowds tend to attract more crowds."

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," Dean said.

"Where did you expect me to be?"

"I mean with him." Dean jerked his head toward Benny.

"Well, that was fortuitous. Not a lot of monsters want to hang around the human lovers."

Dean looked around at the others for a moment before responding. "There are five of us now."

"And some of us might like to know who it is we're teaming up with," Emma said, still looking very annoyed.

Dean suddenly remembered that he hadn't really introduced the other vampires, and even before, he'd never mentioned Benny's name.

"Benny, Lenore, Meg, Emma. Everybody happy? Let's go."

Dean headed down the hill toward the water. They'd follow the stream for a while to lose any scent they'd left behind. Emma was still bleeding a little, but she'd heal quickly. Once they'd covered some ground, they could stop and chat. Not that Dean was particularly looking forward to it. He planned on putting it off as long as possible.

**~oOo~**

When Sam woke the next morning, he didn't really feel any different than he had the day before. He still thought that fighting the vampires was a pretty useless endeavor in the long run, and that even if they could be stopped, he wouldn't be the one to do it.

But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try anyway. Wasn't that what Dean always did? He kept fighting even when the odds where stacked against him, when he knew he'd never win. He was just that stubborn, and Sam needed some of that now. He needed to be like his brother for a while because that was the only way he was going to survive this. Jody had been right to bring up what Dean would have said, and she said it rather well herself. She probably didn't think she was making much of a difference, but to Sam it was all the difference in the world.

So, he got out of bed that morning not necessarily happier than the day before, but more hopeful. He headed for the kitchen to start on breakfast. With Jody visiting, he could actually get away with cooking something.

What Sam didn't expect was to find the kitchen already occupied with Cas drinking his usual coffee, and Charlie gazing into a cup of tea that was probably cold. Her eyes were red, and Sam didn't have to wonder why. She must have arrived during the night and Cas told her what happened. He wasn't looking so good either, but lately, Cas never looked quite himself.

Sam crossed the room and sat down next to Charlie. He put his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into his chest. She wasn't crying anymore, but she was still shaking quietly. Sam could understand. Dean was like a big brother to her. And maybe Sam was too, but Dean was always better at it.

They stayed like that for a long time until Cas go up and refilled his coffee and Jody came down from her room. It took a bit of explaining to sort out who everyone was and how they knew each other, but in the end, Jody offered to make breakfast, and Charlie was looking a bit better than before.

"It's not like it isn't good to see you," she said as she reheated her tea in the microwave.

"I know," Sam replied, leaning against the counter next to her. "I honestly didn't even think about..."

"About me coming back? That's okay. You had other stuff on your mind." The microwave beeped and Charlie took her tea out again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. When you got here. To explain everything."

"I'm not sure everything's been explained," Charlie said as she walked back to the table. "I mean, I know Dean got turned into a vampire and he's gone now, but that's about it."

"There's not much else to tell."

"But Castiel said you weren't there. And he didn't seem to want to talk about it anymore, so I don't know. I guess it's just not the way I'd have imagined him going out."

"Me neither. I always kinda thought when we died for the last time it'd be some blaze of glory type thing, and we'd both be gone."

"You know, the world can't really afford to lose two Winchesters at once, right?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess not. Considering the Alpha's planning something big, I guess I have to stick around for a while."

"Cas mentioned something about the Alpha. Who is he? What's he got against you?"

"Every monster race has an Alpha, but most of them are dead. Over the years, Dean killed a lot of vampires, an even got turned once before, but there was a cure, and we brought him back. The Alpha wanted him for something. I guess vampires have this sort of telepathic connection, so once you become one, the Alpha can get inside your head. That's what happened to Dean the first time. After he was cured, we thought it was over, but the Alpha had other plans. I don't really know what his game is, but he's having more and more people turned and they're getting more aggressive. They're not hiding in the shadows anymore, but killing openly. It seems like every nest we raid, five more pop up. Jody has some experience with vampires, so she's been keeping track of it all."

"Maybe I could help with that," Charlie suggested. "I could organize all the data and figure out their patterns."

"I've tried that, and it doesn't seem to be helping, but maybe you could find something I missed. You're better with that kind of stuff anyway."

Charlie smiled shyly. "Well... yeah."

"Breakfast is ready!" Jody announced, carrying serving dishes full of eggs and pancakes over to the table. "I hope you're hungry 'cause I made a lot."

"I'm starving," Charlie said.

And Sam, for the first time in a long time, felt like maybe he could eat to enjoy food, not just because he had to.

**~oOo~**

It was Benny who spotted a break in a dense cluster of trees that would serve as a good camp for the night. The sky was growing dark already, and everyone was worn out from the long day. Except Meg, of course, who didn't get tired. As soon as they stopped, she climbed one of the larger trees to keep lookout still within earshot of the others.

Dean made himself busy clearing out a space for everyone to sleep, hoping that no one would feel like talking right now because he knew they all wanted answers. In some ways, he didn't feel like his circumstances were anyone else's business, but these were his friends—family in some cases. Of course they would need to know what happened to him.

No one said anything at first. They all helped cut down ferns and branches, and nobody made eye contact. Eventually, it got to be so awkward, that Dean decided he'd better just start the conversation and get it over with.

"Everybody better get comfortable," he said. "This is gonna take a while."

Meg made a show of swinging her legs over a branch so that she was sitting facing down on the rest of them with her spear across her lap and her arms resting on a higher branch.

The others sat down on the floor of needles and leaves, and Emma started sharpening her knife. Dean felt like he was about to tell a bedtime story. But this was far from "The Three Little Pigs." He started with chasing vampires with Cas. He didn't mention why the Alpha was after him or that he'd been a vampire before. He also skipped the part about drinking Cas' blood. He couldn't even really admit to himself that he'd done it, much less other people. He wondered if Sam knew. The thought made him sick.

Nobody asked any questions until Dean stopped talking. He knew they would though. There were plenty of loose ends he hadn't explained.

"You wanna tell us why we're all on the same side?" Meg said. "Considering most things around here just want to kill each other."

"I have to admit I was a little surprised," Benny added, "at you being friends with a demon."

"I wouldn't exactly say friends," Dean said.

"We have a common interest," Meg said. "There's someone who would never forgive me if I killed him."

"You know Cas," Dean clarified.

Benny scoffed. "An angel and a demon?"

"She thinks so."

"I don't think anything," Meg argued. "But there are so many things to die for and so few that are truly worth it."

Dean shook his head, actually amused instead of annoyed for once. "Now that that's cleared up."

"Yes, tell us about your adventure with the Amazons," Meg said. "I love that story."

Emma stopped sharpening her knife and stuck it into the trunk of Meg's tree. "It's actually pretty depressing," she said.

"I think I have the general idea," Benny said, sparing Dean the need to rehash an embarrassing topic.

Through all this, Lenore had been quiet, which seemed to be her way most of the time. She watched the others throughout the conversation, obviously absorbing every piece of information as well as the things they didn't say.

"What I want to know," Meg said, "is why the master hunter was friends with vampires before he became one."

"That's an even longer story," Lenore said. "He really _did _want to kill me at first."

"The fact that you were being tortured by that asshole, Gordon put you in a better light," Dean said.

Benny flinched as Dean said this, which at first seemed odd to Dean.

"Not drinking human blood probably helped my case," Lenore went on. "That was really it until Eve came back. I'm still surprised you wouldn't kill me when I asked for it."

"You're one of the good guys," Dean said. "It seemed like a waste."

"Castiel didn't think so."

"Yeah, well, he was all dark side at that point, and I think he just wanted to get it over with."

"But you said he killed you too."

"Only because I made him promise he would."

"It's actually not that bad," Benny said. "Being killed by your best friend. It's almost easier."

Dean wanted to throw up, but he tried to make light of it the way Benny did. "Yeah, and you were supposed to come back, if I remember right."

"You didn't really believe that." There was a look all too much like pity in Benny's eyes.

"Maybe not." Dean looked away.

Meg sighed dramatically and pulled herself up to the next branch. "This is all getting too sappy for me." She disappeared into the trees, and no one saw her again that night.

Emma curled up with her back to the nearest tree, her red brown hair spilling over the bed of pine boughs. "Wake me when it's my turn to watch," she mumbled as she closed her eyes.

Benny stood up, silently volunteering to take first watch. He found a good rock to sit on and tucked his ax under his arm. Dean noticed Lenore watching him, and he was beginning to wonder what was going on with them. Maybe they'd just been alone together so long that they weren't used to having company. But after a few minutes, Lenore laid down too, and when Dean was sure she was asleep, he moved away from her and Emma and joined Benny.

"You can sleep," Benny said, not looking at Dean but rather gazing out into the darkness.

Dean sat down next to him. "I wanted to talk to you. You know about the first time I was turned."

"Surprised you didn't mention it, but that's your business."

"And it's not theirs."

"Then why bother explaining it to me?"

"Because you're... family."

"And Emma is your daughter, unless I'm way off the mark on that."

"And the first time I met her, she wanted to kill me, so she doesn't really count."

"You don't have to justify anything to me, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But you know there's a cure, and you need to know that I tried and it didn't work. I didn't just give up and take the easy way out."

"This is easy?"

"It's not complicated. At least, it shouldn't be."

"Things rarely are the way they should be. Here or there."

"It was the Alpha who turned me. That's why it didn't work."

Benny almost laughed. "But you managed to get ahold of his blood in order to try?"

"Cas did. He tried everything to save me."

"I'd expect nothing less. Pain in the ass though he was, he was always trying to save you."

"You could have let him die."

"Well, maybe it's like Meg said. You'd never forgive me for that."

"He's alive right now because of you. So is Sam."

"Consider it payback."

"Yeah, because I did so much for you."

"You did. Not just getting me out. Trusting me when no one else would."

"And I abandoned you when you needed me. I trusted you because you never would have done that, but maybe you shouldn't have trusted me."

"I always knew Sam came first. You didn't owe me anything."

"I owe you everything. You never got that, did you? You think I was doing you a favor by being your friend, but I'd have gone insane down here on my own. I needed you more than you needed me. I still do."

Benny looked back at where Emma was sleeping and the tree into which Meg had gone. "You seem to be doing fine so far."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then spit it out, brother, we don't have all night."

"We're the same now. And I try to act like I'm just like I always was, but I can't keep it up. There are things I shouldn't be able to do. I'm stronger than I should be, more lethal."

"You always were. You think you were ever normal by human standards? I mean, I hate to crush the illusion, but... Dean, you've always been different. I was a normal human. I had a wife and kids and a job. You don't even know what normal is."

"Now I get why Sam's always complaining about being a freak. I thought I understood him before, but I don't think I ever did."

"If you're afraid of becoming something you're not, I wouldn't worry."

"Why not?"

"Look at you. You've teamed up with Purgatory's Most Wanted. You'd be so much better off on your own or with someone else, but you're still loyal, even to people you don't like very much. That's who you are. Not a perfect human. Not a normal guy. You're a good friend."

"I guess that's about all I can hope for now. It's not like there's anything else worth doing here."

Benny looked back at Lenore, and a faint smile crossed his lips. "You'd be surprised."

It was then Dean realized why they had seemed so odd before. There was something between them. Something that shouldn't even have been possible in a place like this.

"You two?" Dean asked.

Benny nodded. "When the world you live in is full of ugly and you find one beautiful thing, you hold onto it."

Dean couldn't argue with that. And he envied Benny that he'd been able to find something that made him really happy when that was out of reach for the rest of them. Meg was separated from Cas forever. Emma would never really belong anywhere. And Dean lost the one hope he'd always hung onto: that whatever, happened, at least he and Sam would always be together.

* * *

**Sorry the update is late again. Life just won't seem to slow down. Things have been good though, so I can't complain. Sorry for any problems in this chapter. I didn't have a lot of time for revision.**


	10. The Almost People

**Chapter Nine "The Almost People"  
**

Having Charlie around was beginning to change Sam's outlook on just about everything. He found that he was more focused on making sure she was okay than spending his days thinking about everything he had lost. He was able to step outside of himself for a while every day, and it was refreshing. He still had to face his nightmares every time he closed his eyes, and he still expected Dean to show up every time he heard footsteps in the hallways or smelled food cooking.

There were always bad moments, but there were good ones too. Charlie let Sam open up in a way he hadn't been able to in a very long time. She made him laugh, and she let him cry with her.

Meanwhile, Cas stayed distant, and Sam realized that it wasn't all his own doing. It had seemed that they were getting closer before Dean died, but since then, they had both shut each other out. Maybe _because _of Dean. Because he was the one thing they had always had in common, and now he was gone. Sam knew there were other things, but they were mostly painful things, the regrets they shared and the way they both felt so useless most of the time. Sam knew they needed to talk it all out, but it was easier to play normal with Charlie. To act like she really was his little sister, even though he had known Cas far longer.

Jody continued to visit from time to time as well, and Sam started to realize that the ways she reminded him of Dean had nothing to do with Dean and everything to do with her maternal instincts. But Sam had so little experience with mothers that he hadn't initially recognized it. But she cooked and cleaned and asked him how he was feeling, if he was sleeping okay, if the garden was coming along. It made Sam miss Dean, but the ache was almost a pleasant one in this case. He missed something that Dean tried to be, but never fully could: their mother. It also made Sam appreciate everything Dean had done all the more. He'd done his best to fill in the spaces their absent parents left, and really, he did a good job. He was some kind of superhuman, and Sam wished he could have told Dean that before it was too late.

The weeks went on, and Charlie started compiling a document of everything they knew about vampires and everything in the many books the bunker library held on the subject. She was especially concerned with the Alpha. Sam took on the role of her assistant most of the time, finding books, reading and summarizing information for her so she could put it all into a coherent format. In some ways, it felt a lot like college again. Dean would have teased them about being such nerds, and Sam would have laughed it off because he was having so much fun.

It was late one evening, and Charlie had passed out at her computer again. Sam had just carried her back to her room and closed the door when he noticed Cas coming down the hallway from the records room. The funny thing was, Cas didn't seem to notice Sam standing there. His gaze was fixed at some point further down the hall. Sam turned to see what Cas was looking at; there was nothing but an empty doorway.

When he looked back, Sam saw that Cas was moving more slowly and his eyes didn't seem right. As if in answer to Sam's confusion, Cas stumbled forward, apparently unaware that he was about to fall on his face. And he would have if Sam hadn't rushed over to steady him.

"Cas?" he said. "You okay?"

Cas looked up at Sam with the confused expression he often got. As if he had no idea why Sam would bother asking. But his eyes were dull, and he was breathing heavily, and he hadn't let go of Sam's arm.

"I'm fine," he said between breaths.

He wasn't. Sam knew that much. "You're falling over," he said, guiding Cas down the hallway toward the library.

Once Sam got Cas settled into one of the large chairs, he noticed that it was ever worse than he expected. Cas was shaking; his face was drawn and pale.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, hearing the worry in his own voice.

"It's nothing," Cas said. "I'll be okay in a minute."

Sam crossed his arms and gave Cas a hard look. "Angels don't get sick."

"No, they don't," Cas agreed. "But are we so sure that I'm an angel anymore?"

For a second, Sam couldn't say anything. That was the last thing he'd been expecting to hear. "What do you mean?" he finally asked.

"When I stole that angel's grace, it turned me into something else. And it's running out. Sometimes, I almost feel normal, but these weaker moments have been growing more frequent. It's as if... as if I've lived too long.

"Cas, are you telling me you're gonna die?"

"Eventually."

"How eventually?"

"That is a mystery. I don't have any previous experiences to compare with mine. As far as I know, no one has ever stolen an angel's grace before."

"And you didn't, I don't know, think you should mention this before?"

"It's not as if there's anything you can do about it."

"It doesn't matter! We're supposed to look out for each other. Like Dean said."

"I know he would have tried to find a way to save me, but I'm not even sure how long this will go on. If I don't use any of my powers, the grace could last indefinitely."

"That's the problem. It's indefinite. Couldn't we fix it? I mean, there's so much lore about angels, we could at least try."

"Any reliable information we had access to passed away with Kevin and the destruction of the tablet. Only a prophet can repair a tablet, and there are no more of those. Metatron was very thorough."

"We can't just give up and let you die."

Cas shook his head. "I'm not giving up. I just don't see any options at the moment."

"Maybe Charlie can help me find something in the library. It's worth looking into."

"If you must. I think it would only be a distraction from our current goal. Killing the Alpha, remember?"

"I remember. And Dean would have wanted to get to the bottom of this too. If he were here, that's what he'd say."

"Actually, I think he would say to stop talking and get back to work."

Sam smiled, thinking that maybe he and Cas weren't so far away from each other anymore. "You're probably right," he said.

Then he returned to the table where all of Charlie's research was spread out and picked up the nearest encyclopedia. It was going to be a long night.

**~oOo~**

It was a cold morning, as most were in Purgatory. Meg took it upon herself to wake everyone up by jumping down from the tree in the middle of them. It was only the vampires sleeping because Emma was taking her turn at the watch. Dean looked about ready to bite Meg's head off, which he was probably able to do, but she didn't let it bother her. It only took a few minutes for everyone to get up and be on their way. To Meg it didn't feel all that strange, but she was sure the more human-like ones found it odd not to need to eat or clean up the way they used to.

They began heading in a westerly direction for no apparent reason. That seemed to be the way they operated. They would travel throughout the day, sometimes stopping if they needed to repair weapons or bury a body. Mostly they were left alone. It went on like this for days and weeks on end. Sometimes, they talked about their lives or what passed for them. Meg couldn't really remember when she had been alive. Sometimes, she couldn't even recall her real name. So she stayed out of those conversations.

After a while of this dull routine, they finally ran into something interesting one day. Dean smelled it before anyone else noticed. Meg was certain that he had some kind of superior abilities to the other vampires, but he didn't seem to want to admit it. They were coming upon a flat area of woods with a wide swath of open ground going out into the horizon. That in itself was unusual, much more so was the thought of anything spending much time here. It was far too exposed to be safe.

"There's a group of them," Dean said.

Well, that would explain it. Groups, except theirs, had a tendency to be more careless because they thought they were stronger. Dean always said they didn't need to get into unnecessary fights. Meg questioned his definition of "necessary."

"I'm getting more than a dozen," Benny said as they got closer.

"Twenty-seven," Dean clarified. "Not exactly fair odds."

"What are you talking about?" Benny said with a sarcastic grin. "It's just a few monsters, and they don't have a demon."

"Thanks," Meg said, not sure whether it was meant to be a compliment. She did want to take these monsters if only because she was bored and they were arrogant.

"Then maybe it's not fair to them," Dean said, also smiling.

Meg let her hopes rise. A fight. A real fight. Wasn't that the point of Purgatory anyway?

"What could bring that many together?" Lenore asked with a look of scrutiny in her eyes.

"Groups only unite for a common purpose," Benny said. "Usually to kill someone."

"Unless they're Leviathan," Dean said. "But they aren't. Who do you think they're after?"

"Do we have to guess?"

Dean looked out across the open ground and seemed to come to a decision. "Okay," he said. "Meg, can you still zap in and out?"

Meg was surprised to hear her own name first. "Yeah, why?"

"Once we get close, I want you to use that. They won't be expecting it. Emma, you're the strongest, so do your best to kill on contact. Don't anybody let the group out of your sight. If we sense anything new, we won't be able to let you know if we can't see you. The best way to take a group like this is to hit fast and don't give them the chance to fight back. We've got a few seconds for that first rush, so use them."

"And on the off chance they don't want to kill us?" Emma asked.

"They do. I recognize one of them."

"An old friend?" Meg asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, and we didn't exactly part on good terms if you know what I mean. Let's go. They're gonna smell us coming, so do your best to stay down wind."

Dean took off first, sticking to the edges of the forest on the west side of the open space. The group spread out through the trees, keeping each other in sight, but maintaining enough distance that the enemy might not be able to tell how few of them there really were.

Meg wasn't at all surprised that they were following Dean's orders so seamlessly. He had been in more fights than any of them, probably hunting since he was big enough to hold a gun. It was almost funny that a human had killed far more than any of the monsters in Purgatory. He'd even killed more than Meg herself. She would have thought that becoming a vampire would turn Dean into a mindless animal, but it almost seemed to make him more careful. He killed less than he did before.

It was a long way through the woods. It would have been easier to move through the open area, but not remotely safe. Meg, could have "zapped out", as Dean said, but she didn't want to show up to the party too early. She didn't really know what would happen to her if someone tried to kill her. She didn't have a physical body, but her true form was weak. Considering that everything here was in soul form, they might be able to do damage.

So, she played human for the moment. Many of the monsters they encountered might not even know what it meant when they smelled sulfur. She had used that to her advantage before. Not letting them see the things she could do, saving her big tricks for later. She also had trouble focusing on more than two or three at once. She could keep a couple of attackers at bay telekinetically, but she couldn't maintain a hold on more than that.

Looking to her right, Meg could see the other four running in formation. Dean was furthest ahead, then Benny to his left, followed by Lenore and Emma, and finally Meg herself. They all moved deftly through the dense woods. It was impossible to be entirely soundless, but they did their best, stepping over branches and fallen logs, letting their feet land on moss and ferns, ducking under low hanging boughs.

The open space to the east of them came to an end in a sort of cul-de-sac where all the monsters were gathered. Their leader seemed to be a vampire male who stood roughly at the center of the group. There were bloodstains on his clothes, and he carried a long blade with a jagged edge. The rest of the cohort were no nicer looking. Meg began to realize that she had teamed up with probably the least monstrous people in this whole place. At least, the only ones who hadn't been killed off already.

As they came upon their enemies, Dean rushed at the leader first. It made sense to try to take him out quickly, but he was surrounded by his followers. For all Dean's talk, he wasn't actually that careful. But he had said something about knowing someone here. Maybe the leader was the one he meant.

Soon enough, Meg had her hands too full to keep constant tabs on everyone. She watched Emma though, because no one else seemed to. Of the five of them, the vampires definitely had their own clique. Which was fine. Meg preferred not to have to care about more than one person at once.

Teaming up with Emma made things a little easier on Meg as well. She could pop in and out to gain the element of surprise while Emma kept other monsters occupied. They never let themselves get surrounded.

When a vampire took a running jump at Emma while she was busy fighting off a shapeshifter, Meg appeared in front of him with her spear pointed out. He landed on the head, burying the stone blade deep in his chest. As he hit, Meg stepped to the side so he wouldn't knock her over. He hit the ground with blood gushing out of him. He wasn't dead, of course, but Meg quickly yanked out her spear and brought it back down on his neck.

Just as she did so, a werewolf ran at her from behind. Meg flung him against a cottonwood tree, impaling him on a broken branch.

By that time, Emma had dealt with her shapeshifter and encountered a couple more vampires. They both came at her at once, so fast that Meg barely had time to react. One more second and the would have torn Emma to shreds with their bare hands by the way they were looking at her. Meg's hand twitched and they jerked backward with more force than even she expected.

"I had it under control," Emma said as they approached the defenseless enemies.

"Less talk, more killing," Meg replied, pulling back her spear and beheading one of the vampires.

Emma took care of the other, and they turned around to see more coming. There wasn't time for thinking or questioning anything. Maybe Emma's pride was hurt, but she was still alive, and Meg counted that a success.

The next wave was more vampires, and Meg adjusted her grip on the spear in anticipation. But before they reached the two girls, everything suddenly stopped. A booming voice echoed across the clearing, bouncing from tree to tree. It was the same voice Dean had used to stop Meg and Emma killing Benny and Lenore. Every single vampire stood still, including Benny and Lenore. It seemed that all the other monsters had been killed by this point. There were about fifteen enemy vampires still alive. including their leader, who was now on his knees with Dean's knife at his throat.

Meg had no idea what was going on, but she could tell the vampires were even more confused. Why weren't they still fighting? There were more of them, and who cared about one vampire enough to stop killing? There was something about the way Dean talked to them. He had some kind of control over other vampires, and even a bit of an impact on other creatures because Meg could feel the difference in his tone. He didn't seem to realize what he was doing, or else he didn't care.

"You can leave," Dean said to the other vampires in the same voice. "All of you. Get out of here and don't come back. Anybody who stays ends up like Gordon here."

Meg realized the connection now. Gordon. The one who tortured Lenore. Dean had stopped him from killing her. He'd been a hunter and then been turned. Meg wondered if Dean had killed him too.

One by one, the other vampires dissipated. Somehow, they knew Dean would be true to his word. That he'd kill every single one of them if they stayed, and it wasn't worth it. Soon it was only the five teammates and the unfortunate Gordon. He seethed, teeth out and covered in blood. Meg saw the stain on Dean's shoulder and realized where it came from.

"You're no better than me," Gordon spat, flinching as Dean's blade dug into his skin.

"Probably not," Dean said, almost disinterestedly. "But I don't think there's room for both of us here. Just consider it payback for everything you did to Sam. And, you know, biting me. That wasn't cool."

Gordon let out a choking, growling noise. "Worst monster is one that thinks it's a hero."

"Yeah," Dean said. "You're right."

Meg could tell that Dean was about to swing his knife back and relieve Gordon of his head when Lenore stepped toward them with her own knife pointed at Gordon.

"Wait," she said. She didn't look at Dean at all as she spoke to him. "I know he hurt your brother. But he killed my family." Lenore seemed to struggle to maintain composure. "Sam is alive and well somewhere, but my nest was destroyed, and all of them are gone. So if it's all the same to you—let me."

Dean almost seemed reluctant, but eventually, he gave in, and stepped away from Gordon to give Lenore a clean shot.

Meg wasn't sure what to make of any of this. For one thing, Lenore seemed the least likely of any of them to _want _to kill anything. She had tried to kill Meg the day they met, but that was probably more out of self preservation.

Lenore moved closer to Gordon and put the point of her knife at Gordon's throat. "I wish I could make this slow, like you deserve," she said. "But I don't have the stomach for that like you. Whatever happens to you after this, I hope you go on in eternal agony."

Gordon snarled at her, but Lenore had tears in her eyes. She turned the knife parallel to Gordon's collar bone and with one hearty shove, severed his head. It fell to her feet, soaking her shoes with blood.

Then everything was quiet. No one spoke or ever seemed to breathe. Lenore's gaze was still fixed at the point where Gordon's face had been. Her knife dangled from her hand, dripping onto the soft covering of leaves and pine straw on the ground.

Benny was the first to do anything. He came up behind Lenore and took the knife out of her hand. He wiped the blade clean on his sleeve and then handed it back to her.

After that, the three vampires started walking back through the open space between the woods. For a moment, Meg and Emma stood staring at the lifeless body of Gordon. Neither of them really knew what had just happened, but there wasn't much the could do to figure it out, so they too followed the vampires away from the bodies and into the cold sunlight.

* * *

**Updating early because I'm tired and I don't want to stay up until midnight. On a happy note, got a job today. Woohoo!**


	11. The Long Game

**Chapter Ten "The Long Game"**

Cas didn't get much better in the days to come. Sam watched him carefully, always taking note of his reactions and how engaged he really seemed to be in whatever was going on. It turned out, not much. Cas would zone out for twenty minutes at a time. When Sam would ask him what he thought of whatever he'd been discussing with Charlie, Cas would stare at Sam as if he had just noticed he wasn't alone.

Charlie didn't seem to have any ideas either. She knew about computers, and a little about monsters, but angels were out of her range of expertise. That said, she did try to help. She dug out books on angels and searched them for mentions of grace and what happened when it began to fade. Her findings were mostly inconclusive. Sam had a feeling they would be. It was times like these that Sam really noticed Kevin's absence. He still had the nightmares of when Gadreel killed the prophet, but most of the time, he turned into Dean now. Sam wasn't sure what that meant. Maybe that it was his fault Dean died, his fault they were in the mess in which they found themselves. He never could seem to do anything right.

Sam pushed these thoughts aside the way Dean always taught him to. He ignored his feelings and focused on the job. The vampires kept coming, and it was all Sam could do to hunt down his share and pass on other cases to Jody and whoever her contacts were. There were too many of them. Sam was beginning to hear reports of hunters getting killed more often. This had to stop, but Sam didn't know how. He didn't know anything. It all seemed so hopeless.

And then Jody showed up one evening looking completely exhausted and disheveled. She didn't say much until Sam brought her a cup of coffee and they sat down at one of the less cluttered library tables. Charlie sat nearby with her research spread around her while Cas stood in the doorway, not seeming to absorb anything that was going on.

"What happened?" Sam asked after Jody had taken a few tentative sips of coffee.

She shook her head. "Things are getting worse," she said in a husky voice. "I was with a couple other hunters going after that nest in Utah. They knew we were coming. They were ready for us. I barely made it out alive. The others weren't so lucky. Annie's gone into hiding..." Jody trailed off as if unable to continue.

All of Sam's fears were being confirmed. They didn't have the strength to fight this war. Not on their own, anyway, but who would help them? Gadreel was busy rebuilding Heaven, and Crowley's help would cost too much. All they had was each other, and that wasn't enough.

"We can't keep going on like this," Jody finally said. Her hands were shaking as she set the coffee mug down on the table. "Sooner or later, we'll all be wiped out."

Sam nodded. "We need help," he said.

"That's just the problem. We don't know anyone strong enough to help us."

"Dean might."

Sam didn't ever realize the words had formed in his mind before they were coming out of his mouth. Jody and Charlie looked at him in shock, unable to respond to such an outlandish suggestion.

"No." Cas' deep voice resonated throughout the room.

Sam turned to see him staring right at him with a frenzied expression.

"What if—"

"No," Cas repeated. "We can't try to bring him back. He won't come."

"But if we tell him what's going on, what's at stake."

"You think I haven't thought of it a hundred times? There is nothing that could persuade him to live as one of the monsters he hates."

"Even if it meant saving all of us? Me and you? You don't think he'd do it for us?"

"Perhaps if he thought you were in mortal peril, but how do you plan to convince him of that? And how do you plan to find him in Purgatory?"

"Benny found me."

"Benny knew his way around, as does Dean. You do not."

"I'll find him, Cas. Believe me."

"If you survive. You know, Dean would never forgive me if I let you do this."

"Who said anything about you letting me?"

"You do need to get _into _Purgatory don't you? That's not so easy for a human. There are fewer reapers willing to trade favors."

"What about the angels?"

"This is where I become complicit in your plan."

"Cas, we're losing here. We're all gonna die eventually if we don't do something. Dean should know what's going on. He should know that he could stop it."

"He is only one man."

"You and I both know that's never stopped him before. And what if Benny's there too? That's two vampires on our side."

"Sam..." Cas suddenly looked as if he could collapse from sadness. "I want him back as much as you do. That doesn't mean it's going to happen."

"We should at least try, Cas. It can't end up worse than what we've got now."

Cas seemed to zone out for a moment before looking at Sam again with that trademark piercing gaze. "Yes," he said. "We must try."

**~oOo~**

Dean wasn't expecting the confusion. Well, he'd been confused since he landed back in Purgatory, but he had a goal, a mission. Now, he had no idea what the hell he was doing. Everyone looked to him like he was some kind of leader, but he never meant it to be that way. He just wanted to find Benny. So bad that was all he could think about until it actually happened. Now he had no mission. His life had become the eerie drudgery of kill or be killed, sleep an hour, wake up screaming from the nightmares that never cease.

Repeat.

And Dean wasn't sure if anyone noticed. They had other things to think about. Like staying alive. Sooner or later, things had to change. The five of them couldn't keep fighting forever like this. Because they weren't monsters. They had all the qualifications, but they weren't evil. Dean looked around himself and he saw friends. He saw family. Monsters didn't have family, did they? There was no hope, no goodness, no love in a monster. Or was there? Dean didn't know anymore. Part of him didn't want to. He had become the thing he hunted, the thing he hated—but he felt somehow removed from himself. He was a vampire with above average supernatural abilities. But a piece of him was missing. A piece of him was far away across the dimensions, beyond the bounds of life and death.

It took concentration, but Dean remained focused on the moment. He ignored that little, distant part of himself. He traveled through the endless forests of Purgatory with his friends who followed without question. And finally, Dean understood the punishment of this place. It wasn't the horror or the pain. It was meaninglessness. Without someone to search for, someone to save, the need to _get out_, Dean's existence meant nothing. He couldn't die when he was already dead, but he wished he could. In rare moments, he felt a surge of his old self when he saved one of his companions from an attack. He even felt that growing paternal twinge if it was Emma.

It was slow. Everything was slow here. A day stretched on for a week and a month passed by in the night. Time meant nothing. Progress of any kind was stilted and seemingly random. Dean wished he could sleep. Really sleep like he did when he was human, when he didn't dream of killing everyone he loved. But it only got worse. Benny tried to ask what was wrong, but Dean couldn't tell even him. He couldn't tell anyone what he was seeing, what he had done.

To make matters worse, Dean's powers were growing. He kept that to himself as well, but he noticed that not only was his strength increasing, but he was becoming more and more persuasive even without meaning to. He even found his mind drifting into some higher plane of consciousness where he could see into the thoughts of those around him. The vampire thoughts anyway. Meg's mind was a black, cloudy mass; and Emma's was blank to him, like there was no signal. But quite by accident, Dean sometimes heard the thoughts of Benny and Lenore—and he couldn't be sure, but he thought sometimes they heard him too.

One side of Dean wanted to figure out what the hell was going on with his mind, so he could control it. But his much stronger side that wanted to ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening won out.

Benny kept asking if Dean was okay. He was the only one who really tried to make meaningful conversation. Dean appreciated it, but he couldn't seem to respond with anything other than "I'm fine."

Meanwhile, Meg had taken a liking to Emma, and the two would often go on patrols together. Dean wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he had long since stopped trying to pretend Meg wasn't a part of his life. Or Emma, for that matter.

And the worst thing of all, the very worst thing was that Benny and Lenore were _happy_. Dean felt horrible even admitting that to himself, but there were far worse things he'd thought over the past weeks or months or however long it had been. He couldn't help resenting them a little because they weren't supposed to have that. No one here was supposed to get a happily-ever-after. Of course Dean knew none of their lives was a bed of roses, but all things being relative, a couple of dead vampires had no right to be happy.

Maybe Dean was wrong. Maybe he was a monster. He'd been one all along.

**~oOo~**

_A few months ago..._

_The sun wasn't bright enough. Usually, Dean didn't care about that sort of thing, but he needed the sun today. Maybe with all his angel juice, Cas could have pushed back the clouds a little, but he was running on fumes. He thought Dean didn't know, and Dean let him think that. If Cas wanted to talk about his problems, he could be the one to bring it up. Dean was tired of dealing with all that crap. He just wanted to work._

_That was why they were here in the middle of nowhere Virginia. Suspected vampire killings. Sam was wrapping up on a case back at the bunker, so Dean and Cas were on their own. But they were more than enough for a few fangs._

_Dean could feel the blood pumping, heart racing adrenaline coursing through his body. He wasn't nervous. He was excited. He always got this way just before the strike. Something about nearly getting his throat ripped out and coming out on top of a pile of headless corpses gave him a thrill. On another day, he might consider how wrong that was, but not today._

_In the last six months, Dean felt as though he had a new lease on life. When Sam saved him from the Mark of Cain, he threw himself back into hunting nonstop. It helped him sleep. It made him forget._

_Cas watched the vampire nest with a distinctly pessimistic expression. He'd been that way all day. All week, actually. Like something else was on his mind. Dean tried not to think about it. They stood on a small rise above a barren field of weeds and dirt. Across that landscape were the remains of a farm. The house was almost completely leveled save a few support beams and a brick chimney. The barn was better off. Four walls, slightly caving in, but standing. A perfect place for a couple bloodsuckers to hang out._

"_Perhaps we should watch them a while longer," Cas said, still staring at the building like its very existence offended him._

"_Cas, we've been here all night," Dean replied. "I think my legs are starting to cramp."_

_Cas looked back at him. "You should have said something."_

"_Not the point. We've only seen two of them coming or going since dusk. What are we waiting for?"_

"_I don't know. I think... something isn't right."_

"_You don't have spidey senses, Cas."_

"_That's because I'm an angel, not a high school student who was bitten by a radioactive spider."_

"_It's an expression. What's not right? I mean, besides vampires eating people in the area?"_

"_I said I don't know. I was not being rhetorical."_

"_Waiting won't do us any good. We might as well see what's up in there. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle it."_

"_If you say so."_

_Cas followed Dean across the field. Dean really wished the sun would shine a little brighter. There was a bit of mist lingering over the ground as if to emphasize Cas' ominous warnings. Dean ignored it. He was used to creepy situations. He was about to go kill some vampires for crying out loud._

_They reached the barn with no trouble, and a look through the cracks told Dean he was right in his assessment of the situation. Three vampires slept in hammocks on the far side of the room. Dean couldn't see everything, so there could be more, but he didn't hear anything. This job was too easy._

_They broke through the doors a little louder than they should have, but it didn't matter if the vampires woke up. There were only three._

_Except that there weren't._

_High above in the rafters—which shouldn't have been able to hold that much weight—dozens of vampires waited. Dean had been in his share of outmatched fights, but this was a lot even for him. When they dropped to the floor, Dean started to rethink Cas' "bad feeling." They were surrounded with no chance of escape. The adrenaline pumped harder, and Dean had the almost irresistible urge to start chopping off heads. But he knew he couldn't win. The vampires weren't attacking, so obviously, this was planned. A trap._

_Beside Dean, Cas was becoming more and more tense every second. Dean wondered absently what it would be like if the angel exploded. Until he remembered he knew what that looked like._

_Deep in the crowd of vampires, Dean saw movement. The others had been completely still, but now, someone was coming forward. When Dean saw who it was, he figured he should have known._

"_How did you like my little trail of breadcrumbs?" the Alpha asked. "I hope it wasn't too difficult for you to find me."_

"_What do you want?" Dean wasn't playing this game._

_The Alpha regarded him with an amused and almost _affectionate_ look. "I believe you owe me something."_

"_What, for killing the monsters that were driving you extinct? You never did say thank you."_

"_No." The Alpha shook his head. "I am not referring to the Leviathans. I'm talking about you."_

_Dean scoffed. "What about me?"_

"_Surely you must remember our first encounter. The time you were my son."_

_Dean could practically feel Cas' bewildered eyes boring into him. "I'm not your son."_

"_No, you managed to reverse the effects of the blood. I must admit, even I was surprised by that. It's so rare that a hunter displays such knowledge."_

"_You've got my pain in the ass grandfather to thank for that."_

"_I'll send him a fruit basket."_

"_Addressed to Hell. Now _what do you want_?"_

_The Alpha looked at Dean as if it should be obvious. "Only what's mine. And this time, I'll make sure there's no reversal. You see, I have big plans for you, Dean. You're going to lead my army in taking back our rightful place in the world."_

"_I'm not doing anything for you."_

"_Not willingly, I'm sure. You're a very stubborn man."_

_The Alpha waved his hand and several vampires rushed at Dean. He barely had time to react, swinging his machete at the nearest one. He felt the sudden jolt as it sunk into flesh and hot blood poured over his hand. But the other vampires had him penned in, and as soon as he pulled his arm back, they grabbed hold of him so that he couldn't move._

Where the hell is Cas?

_The Alpha came up to Dean with a hungry gleam in his eyes. Dean would almost rather be eaten than whatever this monster had planned._

_The Alpha produced a knife the size of a letter opener and slit his own wrist, smiling the whole time. "Even you cannot resist," he said. "It will be better for you to embrace the change."_

_Dean clamped his mouth shut. He wasn't going to make this easy._

Damn it, Cas. Where are you?

_Someone held Dean's head still. Another hand pinched his nose. Maybe he would pass out from lack of oxygen. No. His reflex to breathe would kick in before that. Either way, they'd find a way to turn him._

_This wasn't happening. Not again. Being a vampire was bad enough the first time with Sam running around soulless and all._

_Dean's vision started getting blurry around the edges. He was seeing spots. As if on cue, there was a flash of light and Dean inhaled. As he did, the familiar taste of metal hit his tongue._

* * *

**I didn't really want to write that last scene because I felt like it would be way too much like "The One I'm Fighting For," but a lot of people asked about Dean becoming a vampire, and I thought it fit best here as well as set up some things to come. Hopefully it's satisfying to all the readers who asked for it.  
**

**In other news, my first week back at work has been awesome. :D Hope everyone has a great weekend.  
**


	12. The Beast Below

**Chapter Eleven "The Beast Below"  
**

Sunlight streamed through floor-to-ceiling windows causing a headache-inducing glare off the white walls and furniture in the sterile office building. Sam swirled tepid coffee around in a paper cup and tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair that was too small for him. Next to him, Cas was completely still, staring off at something Sam couldn't determine. Maybe the opposite wall. There was nothing there, but Cas' gaze never wavered. Sam wondered if he were zoning out again.

"Why do the angels meet in an office building?" Sam asked, hoping for at least a flicker of acknowledgment.

"Humans don't come here," Cas said, still fixated on the wall. "It's innocuous. And it gives the angels a space to work on Earth."

"And is there some reason we have to wait so long for a meeting with the boss?"

Cas turned to face Sam. "The gates of Heaven can only open in one place at a time and it takes considerable effort to move them. It would have been a waste of time and energy for Gadreel to move the gates to us, rather than us coming to him. And everyone has to wait. Angels can't just fly to and from Heaven anymore. The trip is more substantial."

Sam stared at Cas, amazed at how many words had just come out of his mouth. "Okay," he said. "Still, after everything you did for him, you'd think he'd put you at the top of the list."

"Considering I requested a meeting last night, I'd say we have a while to wait before we consider ourselves inconvenienced."

Sam was beginning to realize how much he would have hated a normal human existence of waiting in DMV lines and keeping a schedule and things like that. He much preferred doing things in his own time. Or Dean's time, usually.

The thought of his brother brought Sam's focus back to the moment. He was about to ask Gadreel to help him get into Purgatory to rescue his brother. The man who tried to kill Gadreel. But if an angel ever owed a human anything, surely this was it. In spite of all that had gone wrong between them, Sam still held out hope that Gadreel would feel some obligation to _him_ if not to Dean.

The only other option was getting Crowley to send him through the backdoor from Hell, and Sam really did not want to do that.

But it had been all day, and there was still no sign of Gadreel. Charlie had brought them something to eat after seeing Jody off earlier, but that was hours ago. Sam wasn't sure how many cups of angel coffee he'd downed. The funny thing was the angels drank the coffee too. They really seemed to like it. They bustled about in their business suits and tapped away at their computers, and Sam started to wonder what the hell was wrong with the world. But he'd been wondering that for a long time.

It was a considerable shock when the elevator doors across the lobby opened to reveal Gadreel standing there, looking exactly the same as the last time Sam saw him. The other angels looked like a bunch of office workers, but Gadreel still looked like a bartender. He exited the elevator and crossed the lobby, ignoring the stares of other angels as he approached Sam and Cas.

"I must admit, I expected you sooner, Castiel," he said with a faint smile. Inexpressive as he was, Sam could tell he was happy to see Cas. Sam knew Gadreel better than anyone.

"I thought it best to keep my distance," Cas said. "For all concerned."

Gadreel looked as if he were about to argue and then thought better of it. "I am surprised to see you, Sam," he said, switching focus abruptly.

Sam faltered for a moment. "Yeah, I... didn't expect to be here either, honestly."

"Of course if I can be of any help to you, I will gladly do so. Come. We can speak more openly upstairs."

Sam wondered if upstairs meant "upstairs" or "_Up_stairs." As it turned out, Gadreel just meant the top floor of the building where a spacious office had been set up full of computer monitors and very heavily guarded.

"The closet leads back to Heaven," Gadreel explained as they entered.

Sam smirked. "Sounds like _The Chronicles of Narnia_."

Gadreel stopped and stared as Sam as if he'd just spoken Farsi.

"It's a book," Sam said. "Where some kids find another world in a wardrobe—never mind."

"The human imagination is often more correct than it knows," Gadreel said. He moved over to the desk and sat down, motioning for Sam and Cas to do the same. "Castiel mentioned a problem that required addressing. I am at your service."

Sam didn't realize he was nervous until he took that first shaky breath to speak. "Well, it's about Dean," he said. "No—wait. Let me go back. The Alpha vampire is trying to create some kind of empire on Earth. He turned Dean, but he didn't count on Dean preferring Purgatory to life as a monster. The thing is, the Apha didn't stop. He's out there right now turning more and more people, and if we don't stop him... He's gonna wipe us all out."

"And by 'us' you mean?"

"First the hunters. Then he'll have free reign to feed on humanity forever."

Gadreel spread his hands as if to literally give support. "Of course I will do all I can. I do not have the resources that Heaven once boasted, but what I have I will gladly supply."

Now for the tricky part. "I'm grateful," Sam said. "The thing is, I think we need to bring Dean back."

Gadreel's eyes narrowed in that pensive way he sometimes had. Sam remembered it well. "You mean to bring your brother back to life. Again."

"All I need is someone to get me into Purgatory. I can do the rest."

Gadreel had a look on his face as if someone had just died. "I am afraid that will be impossible," he said. "Purgatory is outside our purview. It would be suicide for any angel to attempt entrance even just to deposit you there. I cannot... I will not send my brothers to die like that. Fighting the Alpha is one thing. It falls under the protection of humans, and I will send out my most trusted angels to assess the situation. But as for bringing Dean home... I am afraid you are on your own."

Sam found it impossible to be angry with Gadreel after that speech. He seemed genuinely sorry that he couldn't help, and at the same time, Sam knew he couldn't change Gadreel's mind. Still, he tried one last thing.

"He was the only one to give you a chance," Sam said.

Gadreel nodded. "I know. I hope you are able to get to him. If anyone can, I'm sure you will."

Somehow, Sam knew Gadreel meant it. He didn't hold anything against Dean. He had no thoughts of revenge. It was as if Sam could read Gadreel's mind, but he knew it was just a result of having been possessed for so long. Gadreel probably sensed the same things about Sam.

Through thee whole meeting, Cas hadn't said a word. When they got ready to leave, he said goodbye to Gadreel, and he seemed reluctant to leave. Sam could understand; he'd spent plenty of time without his family too.

**~oOo~**

Charlie sat in the cushy armchair upside-down with her legs draped over the back and her hair brushing the floor. Sometimes, it helped her think. Over the past several weeks she had been working on a million different things at once: studying vampires, researching angels, organizing the chaotic filing system of the Men of Letters. But now, she could only think about one thing: Dean. Could he really come back? Would he? She hardly dared to hope, but she couldn't seem to stop herself.

When she returned from Oz, the first thing Charlie had wanted to to was sit down with Dean and have a beer and talk about everything that had happened since the last time they saw each other. Finding out he was dead had been the biggest shock of her life. Existence of monsters notwithstanding. Because Dean just didn't die. He was so strong, so full of life even in his eminent cynicism.

Charlie blew a stand of hair out of her eyes and rolled to the side so that her legs dangled over one arm of the chair and her neck rested on the opposite one. She felt the foggy exodus of blood rushing from her head back to where it belonged.

So many things could go wrong. Sam might not be able to get into Purgatory. And if he did, he might get killed there, and no one would ever know. Assuming he survived, he still had to convince Dean to come back, and even in her limited exposure, Charlie knew how stubborn Dean could be. But she also knew how much he was willing to do for his brother. He had to listen to Sam. He had to come back. Charlie could get used to the vampire thing if it meant having Dean around. Yeah, it felt like some crappy teen paranormal novel, but she would just have to look past that. He was still Dean. He had to be.

When Sam and Castiel returned late that evening, they were in the thick of some argument, and Charlie's hopes fell. Obviously, the angels hadn't agreed to help Sam get to Purgatory. Sam had made passing mention of another option last night, but Castiel had rejected it outright. It seemed that Sam was revisiting the idea.

"Dealing with him never ends well," Castiel was saying loudly as they entered the library.

"Only if you double cross him," Sam shot back.

Castiel got a strange look in his eyes, that Charlie would guess was remorse. Which didn't make sense, but she didn't have time to sort it all out because she was trying to follow the conversation.

"The price is always too high, Sam," Castiel went on, speaking more softly.

"Not if he wants the same thing we do. He's not an idiot, Cas. He knows the vampires are bad for business, just like when he helped us with the Leviathans. And he's kind of like you."

Castiel's eyes widened. "_What?_"

"He likes Dean when he's not supposed to. I don't know why. I don't wanna know why, but he's got a soft spot. I can use that."

Castiel shook his head. "He'll use this against you. He knows he can demand just about anything to repay this favor."

"Not if I make it seem like _I'm_ doing _him_ a favor."

"He's not going to be fooled."

"I'm not talking about fooling him. I won't lie. I'll just focus on how bringing Dean back will help him."

"You don't think a master manipulator will see through that?"

"It's worth a try."

"I'm not so sure of that."

Charlie got up from her chair and crossed the room. "Can I ask a question?" she said.

"Sure," Sam replied.

"Who the hell are you talking about?"

"Crowley," Castiel said darkly. "The King of Hell."

Charlie stared at Sam with a new appreciation of just how batshit insane he was.

**~oOo~**

Cas refused to go with Sam to summon Crowley. He also insisted that Sam no do it in the bunker. So, while Sam was traipsing through the middle of nowhere to perform the summoning ritual, Cas was driving to Maine. That showed some confidence in the plan at least. Charlie wanted to go along too, but Cas pointed out that they needed her to keep working. She didn't seem very happy about it, but she agreed to stay behind. She probably didn't want to add to the tension between Sam and Cas.

It didn't matter. Once Sam brought Dean back, Cas couldn't complain. This had to work. It was the first job Sam had felt this invested in since forever. Fighting vampires these last few months, he'd been on autopilot. But laying out the ingredients for the spell, Sam felt alive again. His heart was pounding in his ears and his palms were sweaty, but he was excited too.

Crowley took his time, and Sam expected no less. Still, the King of Hell couldn't resist an invitation to meet with a Winchester for too long. He had tied his fate together with theirs a long time ago, and there would be no extricating himself. Perhaps he resented that, but he also seemed to enjoy it.

When he finally arrived, he looked mildly annoyed. His expression changed when he saw Sam. "Almost didn't recognize you, Moose," he said with a smirk. "You've really let yourself go."

It had been so gradual for Sam that he barely noticed, but his appearance must have been a stark contrast to the way he used to look. His hair and beard had grown longer, and he was thinner.

"Crowley," Sam said, careful to keep any emotion from his voice. "You've been quiet lately."

"I have other things to do than keep tabs on you. Heard about Dean though. Shame, really. I expected a visit from you then."

"He wouldn't have come back."

Crowley inclined his head to the side in concession. "True. He did always hate what he was when he was human. But you didn't call me to reminisce."

"No," Sam agreed. "I called you because we can help each other."

"What? With your vampire problem."

"The more humans get turned, the fewer souls you get when they die. And I doubt if you want your supply of meatsuits dwindling to whatever livestock the vampires need to survive."

"Ah, common enemy argument. I suppose I can give you that. But the vampires have always tried to enslave humanity, and they have always failed. They are too limited. They need humans to survive, but humans like to kill them. That's why they spend so much time hiding in the dark."

"They're not hiding anymore. The hunters are overwhelmed. Soon, there won't be any of us left to fight. What will you do then?"

"What is your solution then?"

"The Alpha turned Dean. He must have had a plan. But Dean never follows the plan."

"Annoying habit of his. But he's in Purgatory, and as you said, he won't come back."

"He will if I tell him what's happening. That everyone is gonna die without him."

"That _you_ are going to die without him. You know he doesn't really care about the rest of the world. Not enough to live again."

Sam nodded. "All you have to do is get me into Hell. I can find my way from there."

"And what do I get out of this?"

"We fight the vampires, kill the Alpha, you don't have to get your hands dirty."

"Just one thing."

"What?"

"You and your brother have this irritating tendency to try to kill me when I am no longer useful to you."

"Can you blame us?"

Crowley looked offended. "After all I've done for you? No, here's the deal. I will take you to Hell, ensure you safe passage, even join in the fight if I have to, but you must swear to me that you and your brother will never again make any attempt on my life. Those are my terms. Break the deal, Dean goes back to being dead."

Sam stared at Crowley weighing the consequences of agreeing. Crowley was a nuisance, but he had always been the lesser of all the evils in the world. And he was willing to fight with the hunters on this. Sam would probably neglect to mention that part to Cas. He wouldn't like the idea of working with Crowley on a regular basis.

Sam had come this far. He wasn't going to back out. He knew going in that he would agree to whatever terms Crowley set forth. This wasn't as bad as it could have been.

"I suppose you'll have to write up a contract?" Sam asked.

Crowley smiled. "In anticipation of this event, I already have," he said. "Just a few revisions regarding the vampires, and you've got yourself a first class ticket to Hell."

**~oOo~**

Castiel did not enjoy driving. It was slow and boring and made even more obnoxious by other drivers who didn't seem to know what they were doing. Which was sad because he had only been driving regularly for a little over a year. He had already made the trip from Kansas to Maine once. He knew his way. The monotony of it all left far too much time to think.

Dean was coming back. Maybe. If anyone could convince him, it was Sam. It was the one thing Castiel was certain could never happen. And he took comfort in that thought. Yes, Dean was gone, and he felt that absence as acutely as Sam did. But Castiel never again wanted to look into the eyes of the man he murdered. To see his best friend who he had failed so terribly. It was almost too horrible to imagine.

But here he was, driving down the highway toward the certain reunion that he did not want to have. A few miles back, Sam had sent a text message informing Castiel that Crowley had agreed. By the time Castiel reached the site of the portal's opening, Sam and Dean might already be there. They would have to dig up Dean's body of course which was another thing Castiel wasn't looking forward to. The whole thing just seemed wrong.

Part of it was undoubtedly the fact that Castiel knew he didn't deserve to have his friend back. There was more to it, though. It was the image of Dean's green eyes going dark, of the way he fell to the concrete floor. Castiel could not separate the idea of Dean from his last memories of him. Seeing him again would only bring it back worse. Castiel would never be free of that scene playing out in his head.

Still, he drove on. Because he had made promises. He had to watch out for Sam. And if Dean did refuse to come back, he had to be there for Sam when he came home alone. If Dean did come back, Castiel knew what he would have to do. He would make Dean believe that he was happy, that everything was okay. He would do whatever it took to _keep_ Dean on this Earth. He knew what kind of sacrifice that might require of him. He had known all the way back when he gave Dean his blood. Vampires had to feed, and once they got a taste of something, they never forgot it. Dean would hate himself, but that was nothing new. Castiel would give his blood until he had no more to give because Dean would need it.

* * *

**I know, I'm late again. :P I ended up having some unexpected things happen yesterday, so I didn't finish the chapter until now. I'm going to try to write some more this weekend and get ahead on things, so I won't have to be in a rush.**


	13. The Man Who Can Never Die

**Chapter Twelve "The Man Who Can Never Die"  
**

There was the faintest bit of daylight creeping through the forest. Dean stood at the crest of a hill, watching and listening to the valley below. He had always loved this part of the day, just before things began to happen. The anticipation awoke something like excitement in him. A thick mist was hovering over the trees, but that wasn't a problem. Dean had started to rely more on his sense of hearing and smell than sight. Sometimes, he wasn't sure if he were actually hearing movement in the distance or feeling the vibrations of strange feet in the undergrowth.

He smelled Benny long before he heard him. This valley was an unknown place to all of them, even Lenore who had come nearly this far before. It was surrounded on two sides by high mountains and opened up at the far end to what looked like a large body of water, but it was too far away to tell. Dean could swear he smelled salt, but no one could believe there was actually an ocean in Purgatory.

They had begun their scouting before it was light. Venturing into this place would be a risk under any circumstances, but if there were anyone looking for them, it would be a perfect trap. It had been days since they had seen another creature, and Meg was getting restless about not killing anything, but they still had to be careful.

Everyone had agreed to meet back on the hill at dawn, and Dean was the first one to arrive. Benny came second. Dean had his suspicions that they wouldn't have needed to send anyone but himself because his senses were so strong, but he didn't want to say so. He didn't want to admit that he had some kind of enhanced powers even though each of them had made some passing comments about it by this point. Dean had begun to dread the times he spent alone with his old friend. Inevitably, Dean would have to face a line of questioning he didn't have the answers to.

Dean could hear every crunch of the leaves under Benny's feet as he ascended the hill. He could see the stocky form moving through the trees more clearly than he should have. He didn't rely on his sight, but it was stronger. Even in this monotone world, Dean could see every vein in every leaf before they were crushed under Benny's feet.

It took all of a minute for Benny to reach the crest of the hill. Dean had never really noticed before how strong and fast his friend was, and he only noticed now because he was stronger. Because the time it took Dean to get from the valley to the peak was negligible. If he were honest, he would admit to himself that when he was alone, he did test his limits. He hadn't reached them yet.

"Don't like the looks of it," Benny said as he reached Dean.

"What are you talking about?" Dean scoffed. "There's nothing there."

"Exactly. Thousands of years of monsters dying and coming here, and this whole valley is abandoned. Why?"

"What does it matter?"

"You think there might be a reason no one wants to come here? Something worse than we've faced before?"

Dean still didn't think much of Benny's assessment. He really didn't know why he wasn't listening. He didn't even register that's what was happening. "There's nothing out there I haven't seen," he said. It was probably true.

Benny gave Dean a skeptical look. "There are other ways to go."

"You really think there's anything in there we can't handle?"

"You're the one whose being so careful. Why press our luck?"

"Because nothing can kill me." Dean didn't realize he was saying those words until they were out of his mouth, hanging in the air, expressing what they had both already feared.

Benny didn't say anything at first. He didn't look at Dean, but kept his gaze focused on the valley laid out before them.

For a moment Dean was certain it hadn't happened, that he hadn't said the words he never dared to think. There was no way he could explain this. Not without confessing the worst thing he had ever done, and he couldn't do that.

"I'm not interested in testing that theory," Benny finally said. "Maybe you are something else. What does it matter? Risking all our lives out of curiosity is just stupid."

It was then Dean realized that Benny didn't want to talk about it either. Whatever the Alpha (and Cas' blood) had done to Dean, neither of them cared to investigate.

"You sure it doesn't matter?" Dean asked, not really wanting an answer.

"What matters is that the Alpha's plan didn't succeed. Whatever he wanted you for, it's never gonna happen. You beat him in the end."

There was something strange in Benny's voice, something that reminded Dean of a familiar sort of conversation, but he wasn't sure what it was. He just got the strangest sense of déjà vu about it.

"I still think we should see what's out there," Dean said, focusing back on the original point of the conversation. "It could be no one's ever been here before."

Benny didn't look convinced. "If you go, I'll follow you, but I don't think it's a good idea."

"Since when are any of my ideas good?"

"Man's got a point."

Dean laughed, but it was weak. He wouldn't admit it, but he too had an odd feeling about this place. The only difference for him was that he wanted to know what the hell was going on there.

**~oOo~**

Sam had packed for everything. In all his years living out of a backpack, he could cram a lot into that small space. He hand weapons, warm clothing, energy bars, water bottles, and a fold up shovel. He also brought along a compass in his pocket. He wasn't sure if north were a thing in Purgatory, but it was worth a try. He thought about cutting his hair and shaving, but then he figured the rougher he looked, the less likely some monsters would be to realize that he was human.

As he waited for Crowley to arrive at their assigned meeting place, Sam took inventory of the many bite-marks on his skin. There would be no way to hide them all since they covered his hands and neck in addition to the rest of his body. Sometimes he felt as if he had become one giant scar. Everything that had happened in the last several months—years if he were being honest—had left its indelible mark on Sam.

Saving Dean would make it all worth it though. Bringing back the one person who could save the world would be the heroic act Sam always wished he could do. But it was selfish too. He wanted his brother back. Period. Never mind saving the world. Cas had to know that, and though he never said, Sam knew that was one reason he argued against bringing Dean back. Because Sam had ulterior motives, and based on past experiences, that wouldn't end well.

It was too late to back out now. Sam had struck his deal with Crowley, signed on the dotted line, kissed the enemy—quite literally to Sam's great distaste. There was no room for second thoughts. Not that Sam would seriously consider changing his mind anyway. He would always try to save Dean in the end. That was as much a fact of who he was as Dean's incurable need to save Sam and everyone else he ever met.

Except Sam never seemed to succeed. He would this time. He had to.

Crowley arrived at the last second before he was supposed to arrive. He certainly knew how to make an entrance.

"All ready for your camping trip?" he asked with a too-bright tone in his voice.

"If you try to double cross me—"

Crowley put his hand over his heart. "I never! A deal is a deal. You keep your end, I keep mine. Simple as that. Breaking deals is bad business."

"Fine," Sam said. "Let's just get this over with."

"What, you don't want the grand tour?" Crowley shrugged. "Suit yourself. This might pinch a bit."

Crowley put his hand on Sam's arm, and suddenly, it was as if Sam's insides were being compressed as his skin closed in around him with a tingling feeling. He couldn't breathe. There was nothing to see, nothing to feel, only the horrible pressure that seemed to be coming from everywhere.

As suddenly as it began, it was over. Sam found himself standing in a long dark corridor made of large stones. He remembered this place well enough.

"I take it you know your way from here," Crowley said. "And you still won't tell me where the door is?"

Sam shook his head. "The last thing we need is demons attacking Purgatory."

"I don't see how it would affect you."

"Best not to tempt fate."

"Fine." Crowley snapped his fingers and was gone.

Sam looked around to get his bearings. He needed to go up this corridor and to the right if he remembered correctly. It seemed much darker than the last time he was here and he wondered if Crowley had the mood set specifically for him. He wouldn't be surprised.

The whole idea of wandering around freely in Hell still felt extremely wrong to Sam. He knew he'd done it before, but this was something he would never get used to. He did his best to block out the screams and cries of the souls trapped in the cells as he passed them. Still, each pitiful moan tore at his heart, and he wished he could pull down the walls with his bare hands and set everyone free. He knew some of them probably deserved to be here, but seeing and hearing them like this, he didn't think of that.

There was nothing he could do of course. He might be able to carry one soul out with him, but then how would he get Dean out of Purgatory? It seemed arbitrary, but that was the mission, and Sam was actually happy to keep it that way. Much as he wanted to help, it would be so inconvenient, and he had the excuse of a more important task ahead.

The walk through the dungeons seemed longer, and Sam began to feel like Dante wandering the circles of Hell for what seemed like forever. But Dante had the benefit of going on to Purgatory and then Heaven. There would be no Heaven at the end of this trip for Sam.

After what seemed like days in darkness, Sam came to the familiar corner where he knew the backdoor into Purgatory would be. He made sure there was no one, human or demon, watching as he walked into the blackness and suddenly found himself stumbling out into the half lighted woods of Purgatory.

The portal whirled and crackled behind him, and Sam took several steps away from it, wanting to distance himself from Hell as best he could. He remembered that the portal back to Earth was to the left from where he was standing. He consulted his compass. That was north, if there was such thing as magnetic polarity here. Knowing Dean, he would keep moving, and since the atmosphere seemed pretty hostile near the portal, Sam's first thought was to go the opposite direction. He didn't know what made him decide that, but he set off south almost immediately.

Sam made sure to keep a good knife handy as he walked. This was going to be a long trip.

**~oOo~**

With no way of knowing when Sam would be back, Castiel had prepared for all circumstances. He didn't need food and sleep as an angel, but he knew that waiting in the forest for maybe days on end could get rather dull. So, he packed some books and the necessary items to make coffee over a campfire.

His cellphone didn't work out there, so he had no way of keeping in touch with Charlie to check on her progress. Castiel imagined her back in the bunker working away with barely any rest. She was a lot like Dean in some ways. Once she got her mind set on something, she never let it go. Sam could be that way too, but not quite as obviously. Sometimes, Castiel wished he had that kind of determination. He seemed to let far too many things go, made far too many compromises. He wasn't really sure what he was fighting for anymore, except that it all centered around Dean.

Maybe that was it. Castiel didn't have anything else—and truthfully, he didn't care about anything else. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that saving innocent people was a good thing, but it didn't motivate him like the thought of doing something for Dean. Whether that be looking after his brother all these months or bringing the hunter-turned-vampire back to life.

Castiel was certain that Dean would be surprised to know how often he thought about this sort of thing. But then, Dean never seemed to do a lot of analytical thinking. He was more gut instincts and reactions, which seemed to work for him. But Castiel's gut instincts were always wrong or else he didn't understand them, so he had to rely on a more cognitive process. But Castiel was hyper-aware—and always had been—that his friendship with Dean was simultaneously the best thing that had ever happened to him and the worst thing. Perhaps Dean did know that on some level. Perhaps he felt the same way.

Either way, they were somehow tied together, now more than ever. Dragging Dean out of Hell seemed like nothing compared to letting him drink Castiel's blood. It was one of those unwritten rules that Castiel wouldn't have broken for anyone but Dean. It surprised him just how easy it was to make that compromise. How easy it had been and would be for Castiel to throw away everything else he pretended to believe in if it meant keeping Dean safe and happy.

Altogether, Castiel didn't get much reading done. He sat lost in thought for days, sometimes making coffee or talking to passing wildlife. The animals just looked at him like he was crazy, but he got that from humans too, so it was nothing new.

During the night, strange noises would keep Castiel on the lookout, hoping without realizing it that the wind in the trees or the howl of a wolf in the distance was really Sam and Dean coming back.

* * *

**I am a really horrible person with horrible time management skills. I kept letting myself get distracted instead of writing this chapter. Technically, it's still Friday for me, but I kind of had to rush through some things, so I don't think this chapter is as good as usual, and I'm sorry about that. I can promise some action in the next one though, so hopefully that will make you forget about this little blip of badness.**


	14. Bigger on the Inside

**Chapter Thirteen "Bigger on the Inside"**

One thing Sam didn't consider upon setting off for Purgatory was the fact that his nerves were already frayed to a dangerous degree. Even since Charlie's return, he hadn't slept particularly well or regained his old strength. He was tired and weak, and now he was spending his nights waking at the slightest noise—or imagined noise—living his days in a frenzied state of hyper-vigilance.

Sam was reminded of the time he spent hallucinating, but this time, he knew he wasn't crazy. Just unhinged, desperate, a little overconfident. Just like Dean most of the time. He embraced it. He couldn't bring his brother back if he weren't willing to think like the older Winchester for a while. Maybe that was what he should have been doing all along.

Part of Sam really thought that he would search for a day or two, and find Dean just like that. But as he walked cautiously beneath he colorless trees, wishing his footsteps didn't make such an obvious crunching noise, he realized that he could be down here a long time. His previous visit to Purgatory was short, and he tried not to think about the time Dean spent a year there, but he couldn't help it now. Somehow, Dean had survived back then, and Sam would too. That was the plan anyway.

Of course, the innumerable monster inhabitants of this netherworld had other ideas. As much as he tried to avoid detection, Sam really couldn't cover up his smell. And he hadn't thought about the fact that every vampire he killed would be somewhere close by, and they would know his scent. Even that was of little consequence to Sam, though. He'd faced them before; he could do it again.

The first challenge came a few days into Sam's trip. He had the distinct disadvantage of being a normal human with no special powers, but he made up for it by being the defender in any skirmish. The defense always had the upper hand because they had more to fight for. Sam had everything to fight for.

But that didn't make it easy. A couple of vampires had caught Sam's scent, and began stalking him. That realization was worse than the actual fight because he didn't know how long they had been following him. Once he became aware of their presence, Sam was confident enough he could fight them off. He'd been doing just that for months now.

The vampires took their time making a move. It seemed that they knew Sam was not to be underestimated, and probably thought to study him and take the best opening. Sam didn't care. He knew if he started running, he'd only wear himself out and make it easier for them to kill him, but if he kept walking, he would keep up his pace, and give nothing away to his enemies.

Eventually, the vampires grew impatient. Sam was hearing more twigs snapping and leaves crackling in the forest behind him. He could feel the adrenaline that had been building all morning coming to its peak.

_Come on,_ he thought. _Let's do this._

As if reading his thoughts, a male vampire stepped out of the trees ahead. Sam heard the other behind him, but he kept his eyes on the first. He couldn't overpower them, but he could fight better. The male scrutinized Sam for a moment, not saying anything or even appearing to breathe. He must have seen the scars, the steely look in Sam's eyes.

The vampire to the rear attacked first. Sam heard it coming, but he didn't take his eyes of the first. He felt something slam into him, and he shifted his weight, widening his stance. The female behind him had a death grip on his backpack. Sam deftly slipped his arms out of the straps and let it fall back, throwing her off balance. He gripped his knife more tightly and threw a kick at her legs, knocking her to the ground.

In that time, the male vampire had rushed at Sam. Without turning, Sam switched the knife to his left hand and swung it back. He felt the blade come in contact with flesh, and hot blood poured over his hand. He turned his body and threw his weight into the knife, pushing it painfully through the vampire's neck.

The head fell with a _thud_, and the female screeched as she got to her feet. Same barely stepped aside in time to avoid her inhuman leap. She landed on her feet near the body of her friend, fangs bared, eager for blood.

Sam returned the sticky, slippery knife to his right hand and held it in front of him. He waited for her to strike with his knees bent, ready to dodge. She did not disappoint. In her fury, she neglected any pretense at strategy. Sam found it depressingly easy to sidestep her and being the knife down on her exposed throat. Her body dropped at his feet as her blood further stained the ground.

Sam picked up his backpack and wiped the blood from his hands and weapon.

Soon, the encounter became a blip on the radar. In the days to come, Sam fought off more attacks until he had forgotten how many monsters he killed. If it could be called killing when they were already dead. He began to understand what Dean meant when he first came back. It was 360 combat, and it was pure.

Maybe because Sam was already well on his way to insanity, he didn't mind it so much.

**~oOo~**

A day into the valley, and Dean was seriously rethinking this whole plan. Benny had been right when he said it was too quiet. There wasn't a single sentient thing within except for the group themselves. If possible, this place was darker than the rest of Purgatory. The trees grew closer together, and the air was thick with moisture and a musty smell.

Dean told himself it was nothing. Just humidity from the water on the other side, hemmed in by the mountains. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Not that things had felt "right" for a long time, but this was something deeper than that, something ancient and elemental, something that resonated in a place inside Dean that he didn't know existed.

Meg had taken to zapping in and out because she was bored, but she always came back with a more sour expression than before. Emma spent most of the time mumbling to herself to fill the silence, much to Dean's annoyance. Benny and Lenore were quiet, which was normal, but they were both on edge more than Dean would have liked. They never strayed far from each other, and always seemed to be watching for something to pop out from behind every tree.

Dean's normal response to this sort of tension would be to talk, to drown out the quiet with his obnoxious humor or off key renditions of classic rock songs. But every word died in his throat before he could say it.

It went on like this for a long time. There was no light or darkness to indicate the passage of time here. Only the grim twilight that surrounded them like a cloud. The only indication Dean had that they were actually moving was that it got stuffier. He seriously believed there had never been a breeze in this place throughout all of time.

Finally, there came a time when the trees opened up slightly, and there was a sound. A low rumble that they normally wouldn't have noticed except that it resounded like thunder in the silence. Dean could feel the vibrations in his feet as he walked, growing stronger with each step. He had a sinking feeling that they had found the reason no one ever came here.

The sound increased, but it did nothing to alleviate the tension, rather everyone was on high alert, ready to fight whatever monster they might find within.

The forest thinned to a massive clearing surrounded by dead or dying foliage, but no one really noticed that fact. They were all too busy staring at what was at the center of the space. The source of the rumbling noise wasn't a creature or thunder. It was an enormous, swirling portal that looked about as inviting as a black hole. It was like a giant storm cloud with all the colors of a nasty bruise. Dean thought he might have even seen lightning flash.

Worst of all—as if the thing itself weren't bad enough—there was a strong pull coming from the portal as if it wanted to swallow them up. That deep, visceral feeling Dean had been experiencing intensified. He knew he couldn't go in there, but an inexplicable urge rose up inside him all the same.

"Maybe we can go around?" Emma said in a tiny voice, nothing like her usual confident tone.

Dean didn't want to go around. He wanted to get the hell out of there. Whatever this thing was, it wasn't good.

"We should go back," Benny said, keeping his voice even, though Dean could feel the fear radiating from him.

"But what is that thing?" Meg said, sounding the least nervous of all of them. "How did it get here?"

"You wanna go in and find out?" Dean asked irritably. He still had a strong desire to jump in against the screams inside his head to get away fast.

Meg huffed. "Aren't you even a little curious."

"Perhaps we can be curious when we're a safe distance away," Lenore said. She was always the practical one. "It can't be a coincidence there's no one around."

"It's like they know not to come here," Emma said, staring into the murky depths of the enigma, as if unable to look away. "Like an instinct."

"And we're the only ones stupid enough to get close," Benny said.

"If we want to go around, we'll have to climb a bit," Lenore said, staying on the subject of getting away. "The valley is narrowest here, I think."

"What if there's nothing on the other side?" Emma asked. "Maybe this is the end, the—I don't know—border or something."

"It's got to have some purpose," Meg said thoughtfully. "The other portals have an obvious reason for existing."

"Maybe it's not a portal. There's no way to know."

"It _looks_ like a portal," Meg argued. "But I don't think we want to test it out."

"That's probably the smartest thing you've ever said," Dean said.

"I know it's difficult for Neanderthals to process sarcasm," Meg shot back.

"Forward or backward," Benny interjected with an impatient edge to his voice.

Dean put on his business voice. "If we circle around to the northwest, we should be able to get past it. It didn't seem as steep on that side."

"I think you're right," Lenore agreed. "We should go quickly."

Everyone agreed to this, and they backtracked to where the trees were thicker and less dead before changing direction toward the mountains. It seemed as if Benny still wanted to go back the way they came, but he didn't argue with Dean's decision.

As they left the site of the swirling vortex, Dean felt an uncomfortable jerking in his gut, like he wanted to go back. He tried his best to ignore it, but he was out of sorts for the rest of the day.

**~oOo~**

After the rocky foothills and dense forests came the sea. At least, it was salt water, and no one—not even Dean—could see the other side. The sound of the waves breaking on the shore was deafening after the endless silence of the woods. Dean decided to call the valley "Mirkwood" in his head. He didn't plan on going back through it ever again even as the pull of the dark portal stuck with him. It called to him in a guttural way that he didn't think he'd ever fully get over.

In comparison to Mirkwood, the coast was downright cheery. The invisible sun still gave off its colorless, cold light, and the sand was a sickly gray. But it was open. It was free. Emma decided to go for a swim. Dean actually laughed as he watched her. He didn't realize it, but back under the oppressive canopy of life-sucking trees, he didn't think he'd ever laugh again.

There was an unspoken agreement that they would rest here until the next day, and Benny and Lenore took to searching around the rocky shoreline for a good spot to make camp. Meg stood perfectly still, staring out at the water and still looking annoyed with life in general.

"Thought everyone would be happy to get out of there," Dean said as he kicked sand with the toe of his boot.

Meg didn't acknowledge him for a moment. Then she turned to face him with an expression of grim resignation. "You would think that," she said. "But you don't know what it's like to..." She looked away, and her mouth sealed in a firm line as if she was physically trying to hold the words in.

"To what?" Dean asked. He had a feeling he knew what Meg was getting at, and he didn't want to ask, but he couldn't help it.

"To _feel nothing_," Meg spat. She returned her gaze to Dean, this time looking ready to tear his head off. "I've been floating around without a body for so long... I only felt anything when I got close to that thing back there. It felt like..."

"Like you wanted to jump in," Dean said in a tone that let her know he was serious. He nodded. "I know."

Meg stared at him; her eyes softened slightly. "It has to mean something."

"Do we really want to know?"

"But how is it only the two of us felt it? We have nothing in common."

"Not nothing." Dean looked out at the ocean and watched Emma playing in the surf. He focused on that. He didn't want to think about the memories Meg was bringing back.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I'm a demon. You're a vampire. You're far more human than I've been in hundreds of years."

"I wasn't always." Dean barely recognized the airy voice that came out of his mouth. "I thought it was over, but... Maybe Sam didn't get it all. Maybe part of me is still..."

Dean could feel the tension rolling off Meg, even though they were safely spaced two feet apart. She turned her whole body so that she was facing him head on.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She sounded... scared.

"I took the Mark of Cain," Dean said flatly. He didn't have to look at Meg to know her reaction to that. "I didn't know what it would do, but I didn't bother trying to find out. Once it happened, it was too late. I was... I was a demon."

Meg actually gasped. Dean didn't think she had it in her to be surprised by anything.

"Was?" she asked breathlessly.

"After you... died, we found out that the last trial to close the gates of Hell was curing a demon. If it was one of the trials, it had to be possible, so we dug up anything we could find. Sam almost did it too, but—anyway, it's not important. The thing is, when I was... turned, he was able to save me. Mostly."

"But if you're a demon—"

"I'm not. I was."

"But you said maybe part of you was still, I don't know, demon-ish?"

"Maybe. That's the only thing I can come up with. Which means that portal or whatever it was has something to do with Hell. Maybe that's where it leads."

"But I've been though the portal to Hell. It's nowhere near that interesting."

"What do you think it is, then?"

"Maybe... maybe demons aren't supposed to be here, like humans. Maybe it appeared because we're here."

"Then it's gonna sit there, because I ain't going in."

"I wasn't suggesting that. It gives you something to think about, though."

Dean did think about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it, and he wished he could. It didn't help that he and Meg had shared this moment or whatever it was. It only made him more sure that he had screwed himself up beyond all repair. Eventually, Meg turned to face the sea again, and they stood there in silence for a while.

Emma was standing in the water up to her thighs, looking out across the distant glassy surface. Her arms hung loosely at her sides, and her wet hair draped over her back. In the murky light, it seemed to shine ever so slightly.

"Look at her," Meg said softly. "She's so human. You think she's a monster, but she's just a girl with rotten luck."

Dean considered that. It had been a long time since he had stopped thinking of Emma as a monster. He was even beginning to think of her as his daughter sometimes. Meg had a point. Amazons were just humans with special powers. They didn't have to be evil, though most of them chose to. Maybe Emma could have been different. Maybe she was making amends now. She certainly had far less to make up for than Dean did.

The light began to fade, and there was the slightest hint of a sunset over the water as Emma came back to the beach. She looked calm and content as she waded through the surf.

"What are you looking at?" she asked.

Dean and Meg exchanged knowing looks and both shrugged. Emma shook her head and the three of them turned in the direction Benny and Lenore had gone, walking along in easy silence.

* * *

**I thought about having them meet up with Sam in this chapter, but other things kept happening, so just hold on one more week for the moment you've all been waiting for. I think you can come to expect new chapters on Friday mornings around nine AM Pacific Time because I plan on posting them before I go to work from now on.  
**


	15. Listen

**Chapter Fourteen "Listen"**

Sam still had nightmares. He would have thought that fighting for survival every day would keep his mind far too busy to be showing him the gruesome images of his past, but Sam had never exactly had it easy. He still woke in the suffocating darkness, relieved to find it was only a dream, and simultaneously disappointed to remember he was still in Purgatory. The dreams of killing Kevin and Dean came in rapid succession, along with other, stranger visions. He saw images of shadowy monsters emerging from a black hurricane that smelled of sulfur and death. These dreams weren't so much frightening as they were confusing. It had been a long time since Sam had experienced premonitions, and this didn't look like anything it could really happen. He did think it was a bit odd that his dream had _smell_.

Not getting much sleep gave Sam a lot of time to think and a lot of time to walk. There was nothing else to do as he traveled farther and farther away from the safety of the portal back to Earth. He thought about Dean of course, but that was nothing new. He thought about Cas, though he tried not to because he didn't like not knowing what was going on with the not-quite-angel. He still couldn't help imagining Cas sitting alone in the woods waiting for Sam to come back. Waiting for Dean to come back. Sam didn't understand why Cas was opposed to this mission at the beginning. He seemed so lost without Dean around, but it was as if the thought of bringing him back actually scared Cas. Sam had to wonder if it had something to do with their last encounter. Aside from the brief description of events, Cas hadn't really talked about what happened to Dean. About killing him. Sam couldn't really blame him.

The days, the fights for his life, the nightmares giving way to sleepless nights all blurred together for Sam. At the same time, he was acutely aware of everything. He felt every sore spot on his feet, every root sticking into his side when he tried to sleep. And every drop of blood he spilled on his way to Dean. It was all worth it of course, but Sam had to think that he wasn't really that much different from his brother. He also was willing to go to extreme lengths to save his only family. Perhaps he merely had fewer occasions to and failed more often.

As time dragged on, Sam began to wonder if he would spend forever here. If this was his ultimate destiny, eternally searching for his brother. Of all possible ends, it was a fitting one. Sam wasn't likely to get anything better.

His thoughts were interrupted early one morning before the light had fully come. He saw a figure moving through the trees far ahead. It didn't look like the other person were taking any pains to remain unseen. In fact, he was coming straight toward Sam.

Without thinking, Sam reached for his knife and felt the familiar grip in his hand. It had become worn and bloodstained over the months of hunting vampires and the weeks in Purgatory, but it fit him like an extension of his body.

The man approached. Another vampire—what was it with all the vampires? This one was smaller than Sam, but he looked well-built and moved expertly through the trees. His dark skin made him difficult to see in the dim light, but his eyes were bright and intelligent.

Sam balanced on the balls of his feet, ready for whatever the vampire would throw at him. But to his surprise, the man just stopped and stood there watching Sam cautiously. He stretched his hands out at his sides, a long knife held between his thumb and forefinger. As if to say he wasn't a threat but also wasn't stupid.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said softly. "I just want to know why you're here."

"None of your business," Sam replied.

The man conceded with a shrug. "Strange things have been happening. Stranger things than you."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you tell me your story, and I tell you mine. Fair?"

Sam considered this. The vampire wanted information, so he wouldn't try anything for the moment. And it couldn't hurt to know what had been going on in Purgatory.

"Okay," Sam said. "You first."

The man smiled. "All right, I'm feeling generous. To begin with, my name is Myron."

Sam didn't think that was important, but he replied, "I'm Sam."

Myron tucked his knife into his belt and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Sam."

Sam had to make a choice: trust the guy and shake his hand or lose potentially helpful information. In theory, Myron had no reason to kill him, but that hadn't stopped any of the other vampires. And if he hesitated too long, Myron would know what he was thinking. He probably already did. Sam stowed his nerves and accepted the offered hand. Myron seemed pleased.

"What do you say we find someplace a bit safer to talk?" he said.

Sam couldn't argue with that. He allowed Myron to lead the way deeper into the trees. It could be a trap, but there was no reason for that. Sam kept reminding himself that as long as he had information Myron wanted, he was safe. They walked for a solid hour before Myron stopped in a secluded area surrounded by trees and boulders.

"This is good enough," Myron said, scanning their surroundings. "Why don't you sit down? Humans get tired, right?"

"I'm fine," Sam said. It was true. He felt like he'd been running for years. By contrast, following Myron had been leisurely. "So, what's been going on around here?"

Myron appeared to be thinking for a moment before he answered. "Purgatory pretty much stays the same: trees and death, year in and year out. Lately, though... I don't know; it's as if he's turned the world upside-down."

Sam felt his heart beat faster, and he knew Myron could hear it "Who has?" he asked.

"A vampire. A thoroughly unremarkable vampire by early accounts. But he's not normal. Not..."—Myron laughed humorlessly—"... not natural."

Sam couldn't help thinking of Dean. If anyone wasn't playing by the rules, it would be Sam's brother. "Do you know his name?" Sam asked, trying vainly to keep the eagerness from his voice.

Myron frowned. "What does it matter? I only saw him once, and that was enough. I shouldn't have even been there, but I had nothing better to do. I was following this guy Gordon on the trail of somebody he had a grudge against."

"Wait." Realization dawned on Sam. "Did you say Gordon? Gordon Walker?"

"You got a thing with names. You know him?"

"Yeah, he tried to kill me a couple times."

"I take it you returned the favor."

"Kinda didn't have a choice."

"It's nothing to me. We weren't friends."

"Did you find who he was after?"

"We found someone, all right. There was a group of them. A couple of vampires and some others. I don't know what they were; it was kind of hectic. There were nearly 30 of us and four or five of them, but I'm still surprised I survived."

"So, the vampire, the one who's turning the world upside-down?"

"He was their leader. He spoke, and we listened, like some kind of god. He was in our heads. He said he would kill Gordon, but the rest of us could leave. I got the hell out of there, and never looked back."

Sam wasn't sure what to think. Maybe Dean had joined up with the group Myron ran into, but it didn't seem likely. He would have gone to look for Benny and otherwise kept to himself.

"This guy," Sam asked, "what was he like?"

"I don't know." Myron shrugged. "Tall guy, white. It doesn't matter. I've told you my story. Let's hear yours."

Sam took a deep breath. "I'm looking for my brother," he said.

"Down here?" Myron scoffed.

Sam nodded. "He got turned a while back, but there's a way out, a portal only humans can go through, but they can carry passengers.

Myron perked up at this news. "You can get a permanent resident out?"

Sam was starting to think bringing that up was a bad idea. "Only if their body hasn't been destroyed somehow."

"Oh," Myron said. "Guess you wouldn't have any reason to help me anyway."

"I might, though. I need to find my brother, and he might have been the one Gordon was after. His name is Dean."

Myron nodded. "I remember Gordon mentioning him. But why would he team up with..."

"I don't know. It's not like him."

"Unless..."

Sam didn't want to think it, but he had to ask. "Unless what?"

"What does your brother look like?"

"Uh, he's not as tall as me. Lighter hair. Really green eyes."

Myron looked mildly terrified. "Deep voice?"

"Yeah... why?"

"It was him. There was only one other man, and he didn't look anything like you."

"You think Dean looks like me?"

"It's more the way you talk than anything. Like you're country boys trying not to be."

Sam had never thought of it that way, but it was kind of true. There were bigger things to worry about, though. Dean was some kind of super vampire, and maybe that meant he really could defeat the Alpha.

"Do you know which way they went?" Sam asked.

"Seemed like they were heading south," Myron said. "I'm not exactly eager to find them again."

"You don't have to come along." Sam began walking back the way they had come before tuning around to face Myron. "Thanks for your help."

"Are you kidding?" Myron hurried to catch up. "I want to see how this ends."

Sam smiled. "Then we'd better get going."

**~oOo~**

After a few days by the ocean, the group began heading through the foothills of the western mountain range, away from Mirkwood. Every day worth of distance they put between themselves and that dismal place, the collective morale seemed to improve. It hadn't escaped Dean how much Benny especially had hated being there. It didn't seem possible, but Dean was almost sure he suspected something. Something about the portal and its connection to Dean. But there was no easy answer, so Dean banished those thoughts for the moment.

It was helpful that he had other things to think about. Since that first day on the beach, he had found himself getting along more easily with Meg and Emma. The two of them would laugh and joke and not always at his expense. It was something of a revelation that Dean didn't actually hate Meg, and even more of a shock that his feelings toward Emma were ranging into an area that he didn't quite want to think about. Meanwhile, Benny and Lenore were back to their usual selves. Strangely, life seemed good for a while. There was still a lack of any other inhabitants around the mountains, and Dean was beginning to think the dark valley might have been the only way to reach this location. They had the world to themselves.

It was a rather dull afternoon. They were all out scouting because they still had to be careful. Dean was standing at the base of a huge pine tree, keeping a lookout while Emma climbed to the top to see where they were. As she went, she periodically grumbled about how easy it was for Meg and how she got stuck doing this.

"How hard can it be to climb a tree?" Dean called up after her.

"Shut up," she replied. "I've got pine needles in my hair."

"I've got pine needles in places I don't want to talk about, so quit whining."

"Or what? You'll ground me?"

"Don't think I won't."

Emma put on a fake whiny voice. "Oh, no, my dad won't let me go... Well, anywhere."

"Hey, that's nothing compared to what my dad used to do." Dean hadn't meant to say that. It just slipped out before he could stop it.

"What did he do?"

"Nothing." Dean wished he could take that back.

There was a bit of rustling and some faint cursing and Emma dropped out of the tree, looking dirty and sticky with pitch. "Nothing new," she said. "Mountains are still where we left them, and I can't see the water anymore. What did your dad do?"

Dean had almost thought she forgot about it until that last part. "It doesn't matter. You sure there's nothing else out there."

"I'm sure. Why did you bring it up if it doesn't matter?"

"I was just talking. We should head back."

Dean turned to go in the direction of where they planned to meet the others at sunset. Emma fell in step alongside him and she had a look on her face that Dean was sure he'd seen before on someone else.

"What was your dad like?" she asked in a tone that said she wouldn't be letting this go any time soon.

Dean didn't know how he'd managed to get himself into this. He knew Emma liked to talk, but he'd never given her this much to go on before. And he really didn't want to talk about his dad. But what else could he do without treating her the way his dad had treated him?

"He was an asshole, okay?" Dean said, keeping his eyes forward and trying desperately to think of something else to talk about.

"Why?" Emma said. "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. I mean, nothing like you're thinking. He just wasn't... much of a dad."

"Who is?" Emma shrugged. "I guess I don't have much to go on."

"Hey, you told me you didn't want—"

"I know. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong. We're not exactly family in the usual sense. In general, you're a decent enough guy, if there is such a thing."

"That's a big 'if'."

"I suppose if we do in fact live in a relativistic universe, then it's all a matter of perspective, but I doubt that is the case. The existence of a three tiered afterlife tends to suggest there is a standard of moral absolutes."

"You lost me there."

"There's good and there's bad. I don't know what they are, but I'm pretty sure they exist."

"So you can't say whether or not I'm 'decent' because you don't know what decent is."

"That about sums it up. On that note, how do you know your dad was, as you put it, 'an asshole'?"

Dean had hoped they were off that topic, but it didn't seem like Emma was ready to let it go. "He just was," Dean said. "Not like it matters now."

"Doesn't it? I mean, you must have learned something from him, good or bad."

"Yeah, I learned that hunters shouldn't be parents because it always sucks."

Dean noticed a familiar circle of trees ahead and noticed that the light was growing more faint. Soon enough, the others would be back, and he wouldn't have to talk about this anymore. But for the moment, Emma wasn't done.

"But when I first met you, it seemed like you wanted to help me. Or did that just mean you were going so send me off someplace no one would ever find me and you'd never see me again?"

"No. I don't know. I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean, I don't think I'd have just let you tag along on all our hunts. It probably would have been better for you if you _had_ never seen me again."

"You would have protected me from what you had to live through."

"Nobody deserves that."

Emma nodded slowly and stared off through the trees at nothing in particular. "I think I'm beginning to understand the difference."

"What difference?"

"Between what is good and what is bad."

Emma still didn't look at Dean, and just then, the sounds of the others return echoed through the forest. The conversation that Dean was desperate to be out of had managed to end too soon for his liking.

**~oOo~**

Sam had been alone so long, he had forgotten what it was like to travel with someone else. Myron had lots of interesting stories to tell about growing up after the Civil War. He didn't talk much about becoming a vampire or how he died, but Sam understood that. He wouldn't want to talk about it either. Sometimes, they would fall into silence too, which was just as well. Sam still hadn't manage to wrap his head around the idea of what was going on with Dean. There wasn't much to go on. Just Myron's apprehension and what little he was willing to say about the encounter. One thing really stuck out, though. Dean was able to get into the heads of other vampires, much like the Alpha could. It must have been intentional. The Alpha wanted someone who could help him lead the others against the hunters. It made Sam believe that Dean was the one who could save them. The only one.

Myron once asked Sam what his nightmares were about. Without consciously choosing too, Sam told him. About Kevin, about being possessed, about how he had failed Dean. Myron didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. But he didn't ask any more questions about Sam's past.

They traveled together for some time, and Sam was beginning to wonder if this was how Dean became friends with Benny. But it was different. Sam wasn't friends with Myron. The vampire was only in this out of curiosity anyway. Sam found it a little odd that Myron wanted to help in spite of his fear of Dean, but maybe being with Sam, he figured he was safe.

They ran into some resistance along the way, a few werewolves or shapeshifters here and there. The farther they went, the fewer obstacles they ran into. Myron explained that not a lot of monsters came this way.

"There's something about it," he said. "No one wants to get close."

Sam didn't notice anything odd. The forest seemed the same as it always did, except that there weren't as many monsters lurking.

"Close to what?" Sam asked.

Myron didn't answer.

Whatever it was, Sam wasn't worried. Though, maybe he should have been. If monsters were afraid of something, maybe he should be too, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was on Dean's trail, and that was all that mattered.

It was the third straight day of quiet when everything went wrong. Myron told Sam early that morning that something was stalking them. Several somethings. At first they were too far off to tell. Sam and Myron had taken off running for a while to try to put some distance between themselves and whatever it was, but it didn't seem to help. By midday, their hunters were closer, and Myron was starting to get nervous.

"I recognize the smell," he said. "It's Leviathans."

Sam felt his stomach sink. Of all things, why did it have to be them? He hadn't seen any so far, which was surprising, but it was odd they would show up now. "How many?" he asked.

Myron frowned. "Too many. Six or seven, sounds like."

"What do they want?"

"What else? They want to kill something. Run."

Sam did a double take at Myron. "What?"

"They will catch us, but I can hold them off. If you keep going, you'll come to a place they won't go. You'll be safe. From them."

"I'm not just gonna leave you behind."

Myron looked at Sam with sad eyes. "You don't have a choice. You have to find your brother. Dying here isn't part of the plan."

"No." Sam drew his knife. "It's not."

Myron stared at him. "What are you doing?"

"You said they're gonna catch us. We'd better be ready for them." Sam turned to face the way they had come.

"They'll eat us, you know that?"

"I know."

"Why?"

"You didn't have to help me." Sam forced himself to keep his gaze straight ahead.

"You don't have to help _me_ either," Myron said softly.

"And here we are."

"You're crazy."

Sam allowed a small smile. "I've been told."

Myron reached for his own blade. He stood beside Sam, and they waited. It wasn't long. They Leviathans descended on them all at once. Sam barely had time to think of his next move before he made it. For a moment that seemed like hours, he didn't think at all. He acted instinctively, fighting back the monsters, severing their grotesque heads from their bodies, hoping they wouldn't reattach too soon.

Sam was so focused on just staying alive that he didn't notice the deep bite on his shoulder or the other injuries he had received.

He didn't see Myron go down.

It was only when he turned to face the last two Leviathans that Sam saw his companion lying on the ground, headless. He wanted to throw up and scream and kill something all at once. He settled for the last one, rushing at the Leviathans, running on adrenaline. They fought back, and Sam didn't know how they didn't kill him, how he managed to survive. By all rights, he should be dead. But as he looked around to see that he was the only one left standing, he didn't feel victorious or even relieved. He could only think of the fact that a man he barely knew just died helping him.

Was this how Dean felt? Always so responsible, so guilty? Sam didn't know how anyone could survive this feeling. He forced himself to look at Myron's body, knowing there was nothing he could do. He wasn't thinking about finding Dean, or getting home, or Cas waiting in Maine. He was thinking about the last thing Myron said:

"_You're crazy."_

He was. He always had been.

Sam turned away from the carnage and continued walking toward the unknown. His shoulder bled down his arm, but he didn't do anything to stop it. Maybe something would smell him and hunt him down. He didn't really care at the moment. He knew in a while he would care again, but that seemed so far away. Maybe he would die here. Maybe he deserved it.

He didn't feel Mirkwood. It was just another bunch of trees to him. He appreciated the silence.

**~oOo~**

Sam was dying. His blood stained the ground. Dean saw it all over his hands, tasted it on his tongue. But his throat was dry as a scream clawed it's way out.

He woke because of the smell. It was the strongest scent Dean had come across since arriving in Purgatory. He didn't think anything could smell so much. But he recognized it. And it couldn't be possible. Sam was alive on Earth. He wouldn't come here. Not when he knew Dean wasn't going back.

But he couldn't deny the smell. He had to find it.

Dean was on his feet before he knew what was happening. He walked past Benny who was on watch, not bothering to explain himself.

"Hey!" Benny said in surprise. "What are you doing?"

Dean looked back, feeling like he was still waking from a dream. "Don't you smell it?"

"Smell what?" there's nothing close to us.

"Blood." Dean realized what that meant. "Lot's of blood, Benny—it's Sam."

Benny's eyes widened, and he didn't say anything for a moment. "Sam's here?"

Dean nodded. "We have to go back."

By this time, their voices had woken the others who hurried over to see what was going on.

"Back where?" Lenore asked.

"He's there. In the dark." Dean didn't even notice how cryptically he was speaking.

But Benny got his meaning. "We can't go back there, Dean. Don't you remember ho horrible it was?"

"Sam is there!"

"Then why can't I smell him? Why only you?"

"Because I'm not like you! I'm not like any of you! I don't know what the hell I am, but I know Sam is here, and he's hurt, so I have to get to him. Now." It happened so instinctively that Dean didn't realize what he was doing, but his voice changed. It was as if it were coming out of the rocks and trees and reverberating between the five bodies in the forest.

No one said a word as Dean started off running back toward the dark woods. They followed him, though. He didn't know why they followed him, but he didn't care. All he could think about was Sam.

* * *

**I know I said Sam and Dean would meet up in this chapter, but some unexpected things happened, and the chapter was getting really long, so I decided the reunion would be made into its own full chapter. I hope it will be worth the wait. I can absolutely promise that Sam and Dean will reunite in chapter 15.  
**


	16. School Reunion

**Chapter Fifteen "School Reunion"**

Everything was out of focus. The trees blended together like a cheap oil painting, and there was hardly any light coming through the canopy overhead. Sam wasn't sure if he were still breathing or not. There was no air movement. He was leaving a trail of blood, but it didn't matter. No one would follow him here. His shoulder hadn't stopped bleeding since the Leviathan attack. He couldn't remember how long ago that was. He tried to put some pressure on it, but he always ended up losing his balance and stumbling when his hands weren't free.

His vision swam, or was that the world tilting? There was a funny smell, but Sam didn't have the presence of mind to recognize how familiar it was. He was too busy trying to stay upright. And not really succeeding. It seemed that he was more often crawling than walking. He couldn't even see where he was going. He might as well have been running in circles for all he was accomplishing. But Sam refused to give up. He hadn't come all this way, made friends with a vampire, got that vampire killed, and nearly lost his arm just to stop now.

Sam tried to think of something to distract himself from the dizziness and pain, but it seemed as if that were all there was. Was he suffocating? Where was the light?

He almost didn't notice the low rumbling noise that reverberated through the trees, up from the ground, and down from the sky. It was like living inside a heartbeat. Was it his own heart pounding in his ears, pumping blood through every artery as fast as it could to save his life?

No, Sam realized. He could feel it in his fingertips when he touched the ground or the trees. Only the thumb had a pulse. But it was in time with his rapid heart rate. As if the sound were responding to him, answering him. He followed it. Maybe it would lead him to Dean.

Sam staggered on, periodically wiping his right hand on his shirt as the blood continued to drip down his arm. He had lost his backpack at some point when it became impossible to carry because of his wound. His knife was still safely in it's sheath at his side, but he didn't think he'd be able to use it if he needed to. Any semblance of coordination he once had was long gone.

It seemed like days, but it was probably only a few hours before Sam found himself in a wide clearing, there was more light, but it wasn't coming from overhead. It was coming from intermittent flashes in the heart of a swirling black mass that occupied most of the visible space between the walls of dense trees.

Sam remembered this. He had seen it before. That night that seemed so long ago when he slept fitfully under a giant redwood. He had dreamed this. It was in his head. This was the thing that all the monsters feared, the reason he was safe. It was like a sideways storm cloud that smelled of sulfur.

It wasn't a conscious thought or decision, but Sam knew he was safe here. He knew he could sit down and rest because Dean would find him, and everything would be okay. He could close his eyes and sleep, and nothing would harm him.

If he had been thinking straight, Sam would have run like hell because anything that made him feel that good had to be a trap. It had to be evil.

But Sam wasn't thinking straight. Sam was dying.

**~oOo~**

Dean never stopped running. He didn't have to. He didn't need rest. He could hear the panting breaths behind him, the stumbling footsteps as the night turned to morning, but he didn't stop. He wasn't aware of when the others were no longer following him, but he could still hear them in the distance. They couldn't keep up. They were taking a break.

Dean didn't think of what he was leaving behind, the way he was abandoning his friends, his daughter. He only thought of Sam, and that ever increasing smell of blood. It was still fresh which was good and bad all at once. It meant that Sam was still alive, but it also meant that he was still bleeding. That thought made Dean run faster. He was surprised to find that he had more speed than he realized. He took advantage of it. This was one time when his crazyass vampire powers really came in handy.

And one more thing Dean didn't do. He didn't pause to think of why the hell Sam was here to begin with. He didn't think of the fact that it had been months, and if Sam were going to come after him, he would have come right away. He didn't allow himself to wonder if Sam had been here this whole time searching for him.

Mirkwood arrived sooner than Dean expected, but he was catching Sam's scent even more strongly than before. Coming from the same direction as the pull of the dark portal. It could be a trick. A mind game that thing was playing with him to bring him back. Dean didn't care. On the off chance he got to see his brother again, he didn't care, and it had been a long time since Dean allowed himself to think about that. Because thinking about it meant that he had to acknowledge never seeing Sam again, but this was different. If it really was Sam...

Dean stopped thinking. He shut it off and just felt the world around him. He saw every leaf, felt every breath of wind against his face, smelled the mix of sulfur and blood and decomposing vegetation. It was something he had been able to do in his brief stint as the most powerful demon in the universe, and it came back to him more naturally than he would have liked. He didn't have to think. His body knew what to do.

By midday, Dean was in the heart of the forest again, and that didn't bother him at all. The closeness; the oppressive, musty, stifling claustrophobia was nothing. Sam was close. Closer than he had been in months, closer than he had ever been. The thrumming beat of the portal hit in time with Dean's footfalls. He knew without really knowing why that he would find Sam at the site of the portal. They were connected somehow.

When he could see the portal through the trees, Dean could hear something more than the persistent beat. He could hear breathing. He could hear drops of blood hitting the ground. He ran toward the sound, skirting the portal's edge, resisting its pull for something stronger. Had Sam come through the portal? Is that why it called to him before?

Once again, Dean shut off his thoughts. His old self might not have noticed a brownish lump under one of the trees, but with his new senses, he didn't really need to see it to know it was Sam. Unconscious and barely breathing Sam.

Dean immediately took off his jacket before kneeling beside his brother. He could feel that Sam's body temperature was low even from a distance. He was about to wrap the jacket around Sam's shoulders before he noticed were all the blood was coming from. Sam's right shoulder was one big mass of teethmarks and blood. There was hardly any skin visible.

"I leave you alone a few months, and you almost get yourself eaten," Dean said aloud without realizing he was speaking.

Sam didn't respond of course. He couldn't hear Dean. His face was too pale, and he looked unnaturally thin. Dean also noticed that his hair had grown longer, and he'd started wearing a beard.

The gaping wound was more of a concern now. Dean knew that Lenore carried bandages in her knapsack, but he couldn't smell his friends anymore. Maybe it was the overpowering smells and sounds of Mirkwood, or maybe they were too far away. That thought made Dean feel suddenly very alone. He had been with them so long, he hadn't considered what leaving them behind would mean. But he could find them again.

Dean decided to take Sam back to the beach and hope that they had caught up by then. He did his best to wrap up Sam's shoulder, using what was left of his tattered, bloody sleeve, and then wrapped the jacket around him. When he was human, it would have been difficult for Dean to carry Sam, but he wasn't human anymore.

The journey back out of the woods was longer than the way in, but Dean wasn't in as much of a hurry. Before, he hadn't known what he would find. Now, he had a plan. He was going to save Sam and get him out of here asap.

**~oOo~**

The group had to stop again early in the afternoon. It was remarkable they had made it so far since the night before, but Dean was certainly far ahead of them. And the next stretch of their trip would be even less pleasant than the first had been.

Benny stood on the beach, staring into the dark mass of trees that served as a warning, an ominous threat that hung over their heads. Benny did not want to go in there. But he had to. He had to follow Dean. Because Dean was his friend, but it was more than that. When Dean had said they were going, there was nothing Benny could do to refuse. It was that strange power Dean had that no one wanted to talk about. The very thing Benny was hoping—irrationally maybe—would go away.

Meg was impatient to go on, which wasn't surprising. Of all of them, she had been the least bothered by the dark woods. Benny wondered if she knew the meaning of fear. Meg also didn't need to rest, so she could have gone on without them, but Benny knew she wouldn't do that. She had some strange attachment to Dean's daughter and wouldn't leave her behind. Being the most human of all of them, Emma needed the most rest.

They might lose half a day. Benny found himself hoping that Dean would have turned back by then. He really didn't want to go back into those woods.

They made camp on the beach. Stopping now would mean moving at night, but there wasn't much difference once they got under the trees, and there was no one there to attack them. Benny remembered too well the sleepless nights he'd spent in that horrible place. He didn't know why it bothered him so much, but it seemed he was about to get a head start on his insomnia. Emma went to sleep almost immediately, regardless of the wet sand and the thin rays of light reflecting off the water.

Lenore slept too, eventually, and Benny watched her for a while, still hardly believing he had found her. It was different now that they were never alone, but the simple fact of her existence constantly caused him to wonder.

"You can sleep you know," Meg said suddenly. She was standing a little away from the others, staring out at the sea.

Benny looked down at the two sleeping bodies before standing and moving closer to Meg, so as not to wake them with talking.

"You think Sam is really in there?" he asked, dodging the subject of sleep.

Meg gave him a curious glance. "Wouldn't surprise me. You know how those Winchesters are just dying to, well, die for each other."

"But why would he come now?"

"Who knows? I don't claim to understand them."

"You don't seem concerned."

"About Dean? No. He can take care of himself."

"What if it's a trap? Something to do with that... thing?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not? What do you know about it?" Benny had suspected that Meg knew more than she was letting on a while back, but he had never had the chance or desire to ask her.

"I don't know anything for certain, but I think the portal or whatever it is exists because of Dean. You've already noticed he's not your typical bloodsucker. He's something else."

"_What else_ is the question."

Meg shook her head and smiled. "Nothing we've ever seen before."

Benny wasn't the least bit comforted. He crossed his arms and forced himself not to look back at the dark forest behind them. It was the unknown that still shook him. His senses were almost useless in this place. He still couldn't smell Sam's blood, which he knew he would have recognized. It was a lot like Dean's had been, only... different. He knew Dean had come this way because there was no other way to go, but he couldn't rely on scent to guide him to Dean.

Benny got the sinking feeling they might have lost Dean forever.

**~oOo~**

The initial plan to get Sam back out of the forest wasn't going quite as Dean expected. He kept needing to stop to make sure Sam was still breathing. To make matters worse, Sam's skin began to feel feverish, and his skin was far too pale.

Dean was at a loss. He could kill anything, run without tiring, even control other monsters. But he couldn't save Sam. Healing wasn't his area of expertise. Even when they were kids, he was clumsy about it. Sure, if Sam was sick he could make soup and force feed him Tylenol, but Dean was better at causing injuries than fixing them up.

And Sam was still bleeding. It wasn't as bad, but the front of Dean's shirt was stained red, and the makeshift bandage wasn't doing much good. Dean needed to get back to the others quickly, but he couldn't run as fast while carrying Sam. He already almost ran into a couple of trees.

"All right, Sammy, you're gonna have to hang in there a little longer," Dean said, mostly to himself, as he willed Sam to be okay.

There was no path through the forest, but Dean could sense the direction he needed to go. It wasn't even so much that he was smelling or hearing anyone, but he could feel where Benny and Lenore were. His mind was connected to theirs. There was a darker presence at the edge of his consciousness, but Dean tried to ignore that.

The light became dimmer, if such a thing were possible, and Dean knew he must be getting close to the edge of the woods now. It wouldn't take long once he had reached the beach. The others were nearby. Dean could smell salt.

Sam muttered in his sleep, and Dean thought for a second he might be waking, but it was only the fever giving him delirious dreams.

_Hang on, Sammy_, Dean ordered. _Hang on._

Dean had never been more relieved to see a break in the trees and hear the thundering waves crashing against the shore. If he stretched out, he could feel the others, and he followed the sensation like a signal. He realized that he had always been able to do this, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. So much of that didn't matter anymore. Maybe he was some kind of freak super-vampire, but Sam would be okay. That was the important thing.

At first, no one seemed aware of Dean's approach, which was strange. Someone should have heard or smelled him by now. Especially with all of Sam's blood. But no one noticed until Dean was right on top of them. By then, he didn't care. He laid Sam down with his jacket under him to keep sand out of his wound.

"I need bandages," Dean said without bothering to explain. "And fresh water. Benny, give me your coat."

For a second, no one moved. Benny and Meg stood staring at him while Emma and Lenore were barely awake. Then as if a switch flipped, everyone sprung into action. Lenore grabbed her pack and started helping Dean unwrap Sam's shoulder. Benny pulled off his coat and draped it over Sam's shivering body. Meanwhile, Emma and Meg headed off to find water.

"It's really him," Lenore said, gently pushing Sam's torn sleeve out of the way to get a better look at his wound.

Dean was suddenly very thankful for how well vampires could see in the dark.

"Where did you find him?" Benny asked.

"Right where you'd think," Dean replied. "Looks like a Leviathan got him. I don't know anything else with that big a mouth."

Benny nodded. "So he came from the other side then?"

"Maybe convinced a reaper to bring him here like last time."

"Honestly, I never thought he could survive on his own down here."

"I guess we'll find out."

"Where's that water?" Lenore asked, looking toward the hills where Meg and Emma had disappeared.

In that brief moment, Benny gave Dean a look that could only be described as intense irritation. "Don't ever do that again," he said quietly.

"Do what?" Dean asked. But he didn't have to. He knew what Benny was talking about. That little incident the night before when Dean had not quite accidentally gotten into the others' heads. He wouldn't have liked being ordered around either. Benny didn't have to explain.

And he didn't.

**~oOo~**

The dark portal called to Sam, inviting him in, telling him he would see his brother again. He could be with Dean forever if only he could reach the darkness. He could hear Dean's voice saying his name. There was fear behind the word, a hint of desperation. Sam wanted to tell Dean that it was okay, that everything would be fine. But he couldn't form the words. It was as if his mouth were glued shut. He fought against his own silence. He screamed in his head for Dean to hear him.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of this, Sam released a small moaning noise. He opened his eyes, suddenly aware that he had been asleep. The first thing he saw was a wreath of leaves surrounding the gray sky. He couldn't feel the pull of the darkness anymore. All he felt was the searing pain in his shoulder and a pervasive ache in his bones.

"Take it easy there," a deep voice cut through the haze of waking.

Sam turned his head toward the sound and saw Dean sitting beside him. He was different, more somehow, but he was still Dean. Sam tried to sit up, but a new wave of pain shot through him. It felt as if his arm were on fire and about to fall off.

"Dean?" he gasped, reaching out with his good hand.

Dean's fingers wrapped around Sam's wrist in a solid grip, letting him know this was real.

"Yeah," Dean said. His voice seemed rougher than Sam remembered. "Don't try to move, okay? You nearly bled to death before I found you."

"You found me," Sam repeated. "I know you would."

Dean shrugged. "You kinda stood out."

"But you went in there? That place everyone is afraid of."

"What are you doing here, Sam?" Dean quickly changed the subject.

"Looking for you," Sam replied.

"Why?"

There were many answers to that question, many reasons for Sam to come. Where could he begin?

"The Alpha," he said. That was the best reason, the least selfish.

"What about him?"

"He's started some kind of uprising. There are more and more vampires, and hunters are getting killed faster than we can contain them. We almost lost Jody."

"That still doesn't explain why you're here instead of up there fighting."

"We're tried, but—we can't do it on our own. Me and Cas and a few other hunters aren't enough to stop him, but maybe you are."

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. "You want me to go back and fight the Alpha? Not gonna happen."

"Dean—"

"I'm not going back, Sam. Not ever."

"We need you."

"No you don't. I'd just make things worse."

"Because you're different? Because you're not a typical vampire? That means you might be able to stop him where no one else could."

"How did you—never mind. I'm not the one to save the world. That's always been you."

"Anything good I've ever done... I never could have done it without you. I'm _failing_, Dean. If you don't come back, we'll all die."

Dean stared off into the trees as if Sam weren't even there. His eyes seemed too bright, as if shiny with fever. He barely breathed for a moment.

"There's nothing I can do," Dean finally said. "Up there, I belong to him, and I won't live like that."

"You don't belong to anyone," Sam said quietly. "You've already destroyed his plan for you. He won't be able to control you. You're too stubborn."

Dean smiled the first real smile Sam had seen in a long time. But he shook his head at the same time. "What I am now—I'm dangerous to everyone around me. I guess I always have been, but more now. In the world of the living, _I'm_ the reason humans fear the dark. I'd hurt someone, maybe without meaning to, but—I can't do that, Sam. Please... don't ask me to."

Dean stood up and started walking away. "I'll get you some water," he said before disappearing into the trees.

* * *

**I've already gotten a start on the next chapter, so maybe I'll actually get ahead this week. Yay! Let me know what you guys think if this one. Is it what you expected?**


	17. The Oncoming Storm

**Chapter Sixteen "The Oncoming Storm"  
**

Dean knelt beside a narrow stream washing Sam's blood out of his shirt and jacket. The fact that his brother was only a few trees away felt like an enormous weight on his shoulders. When he was focused on saving Sam's life he didn't have to think about why he was here. He didn't have to think at all, and Dean really _liked_ not thinking.

But Sam was here. Sam was asking him to go back and save the world. One thing Dean swore he would never do. Going back just wasn't an option. The thought of everyone dying, of vampires overrunning the world made Dean have to consider it. He kept telling himself he wasn't going.

As he rubbed the stained clothing between a couple of rocks, Dean tried to focus on a more immediate problem: getting Sam back to the portal to Earth. It was in the far north: Leviathan territory. Dean wasn't really worried about them, but Sam was injured, and he would attract all kinds of evil to him like moths to a streetlamp. He would have five monsters protecting him, so there wasn't much to worry about. Dean just wasn't in a hurry to send his brother off again. To say goodbye. That's what he had avoided last time.

Dean looked at the last bit of bloodstain that wasn't coming out. What was he doing? His brother was right here, and he was wasting time with laundry. The most horrifying revelation upon arriving in Purgatory was that he would never see Sam again. So why wasn't he taking advantage of what little time he had left? Maybe—he hated to think it—he didn't want to get close. He didn't want to lose Sam again.

It was stupid, not because Dean was wrong, but because it was inevitable. Saying goodbye would kill him all over again. Oh well. He had died so many times already. What was one more?

Dean wrung out the semi-clean clothes and laid them out to dry. He put on one of the extra shirts that Lenore had taken off something's body. He always thought stealing clothes from dead monsters was kind of morbid, but he finally realized why she carried all that stuff around with her. It especially came in handy those three days that Sam was out of it, and they needed to keep him warm. He was awake now, which was a plus, but he still had a long way to go.

Dean dried his hands on his worn jeans and walked back through the trees away from the stream. He returned to find Sam sort of sitting up with his back to a tree—which Dean knew from extensive experience wasn't all that comfortable. He still had Benny's coat draped over him. He looked pretty awful.

"How you doing?" Dean asked anyway.

"I'll be okay," Sam said weakly.

Dean reached over to adjust the coat around Sam to make sure he stayed warm.

"You're fussing," Sam said, and when Dean looked back at his face, he could see that Sam was smiling.

"The idea is for you to survive this and get out of here," Dean said.

"What's the point?" Sam's smiled faded.

Dean was sure he must have heard wrong. "What?"

Sam shrugged with his left shoulder. "You're not coming back, so everyone's gonna die anyway."

"Don't be dramatic."

"I'm not. There's no other way this ends. Might as well stay here."

"No." Dean wouldn't even think of it.

"No?"

"This place will eat you alive."

"Everyone is afraid of you, Dean. I'm not in any danger if I'm with you."

Dean shook his head. "This isn't where you belong, Sam."

Sam stared off into the trees. He smiled sadly. "Remember when it was you and me against... everything."

"Yeah," Dean replied. "I wish we could go back, but—"

"No, Dean, that's not it. There is no going back. But it's like you always said: you and me, come whatever. We shouldn't be... separated."

Dean thought about that for a moment. He knew Sam was right, but there were too many things in the way. Dean couldn't go back, and he couldn't let Sam stay.

"Here's the deal," Dean said. "You're going back if I have to drag your ass to that portal and throw you in."

Sam kept staring off into space. "Figured you'd say that."

Dean didn't know how to respond to that. He knew he had always been kind of controlling, but the fact that Sam had come to automatically expect him to be that way was... sad. Dean was suddenly reminded of something Sam had said years ago while drunk: _"You're bossy... and short."_

"I'm sorry," Dean said.

Sam turned to face Dean, looking shocked.

"I know I'm always telling you what to do," Dean went on. "But I can't let you stay here. Not if I can help it."

Sam nodded. "It's okay," he said.

Now it was Dean's turn to be surprised. "Okay?"

"I know why you do it. Your whole life, you've been responsible for me, and that's a hard habit to break. Yeah, I wish you'd let me make my own decisions and respect them, but when has our relationship ever been that healthy?"

Dean found himself smiling. "I wish I could too," he said.

Sam smiled back.

**~oOo~**

After sitting alone in the woods for a week or two, Castiel realized that they hadn't really thought this through. It wasn't that he was in any more danger here than anywhere else, but he wasn't accomplishing much either. Eventually, he hiked back out of the woods to call Charlie. After exclaiming that he should have called sooner because she didn't even know if he was still alive, she calmed down and suggested that he install a camera in one of the trees so he could keep an eye on things from town and not have to sit in the cold forever.

Having not known many humans who behaved logically, Castiel was unsure of how to proceed at first. But eventually, Charlie convinced him by saying she had found some work to keep him occupied anyway. The thought of going on a hunt and maybe missing Sam and Dean was an uncomfortable one, but so was sitting on a tree stump indefinitely.

So, Castiel set up a base of operations at a motel in the nearest town. Ideally, he would only be gone a little bit at a time, so even if Sam did come back, he should be able to reach him before he finished digging up Dean's grave. Assuming Dean came back.

As he started of on the new case, Castiel realized that there was an unsettling lack of vampire activity in the Northeastern United States. But Charlie managed to find small signs of a nest near Boston. It took Castiel farther from the portal site than he wanted to go, but as Charlie said when she sent him on the case:

"You can't just sit around moping until Dean comes back."

From what he knew of her so far, Castiel got the impression Charlie learned that sort of "encouragement" from Dean himself.

Even with the radio playing, it was a quiet drive. Castiel never really noticed Sam's presence when he was there, but he certainly noticed his absence. Even after sitting alone in the woods for a couple of weeks, Castiel could feel the silence. He found himself wondering what the other angels were doing. Part of him would always wonder about that.

It was late at night when Castiel arrived at his destination. He was tired, but he was always tired. So he set straight to work, researching the case and deciding on his next move. He sat in a nearly empty diner that had wi-fi and endless refills of coffee. Somewhere around four a.m., he felt someone shaking his arm, and he discovered he had fallen asleep.

"You all right there?" the young waitress asked.

Castiel realized he was staring at her with an expression that must have looked something like terror. That wasn't far from what he was feeling. He didn't sleep. Angels couldn't sleep.

"I'm—fine," he managed to choke out.

The waitress nodded and dropped her hand from his arm. "You need some more coffee?" She smiled a knowing smile. "I'm in college too. I understand."

She thought he was a student. All his research and the notes he was taking would give that impression.

"Thank you," he said. "It's... very stressful." Castiel had no idea if that was what he was supposed to say.

The girl nodded and refilled his coffee mug. "I've pulled some all-nighters myself," she said. "Let me know if you need anything else."

As she walked away, Castiel took a drink of his coffee and burned his tongue. He barely felt it, but he did feel it. That was wrong too. What was happening to him? He had been feeling odd for a long time, and he certainly had his concerns about the borrowed grace within him, but he hadn't expected it to manifest this way. Maybe if he slept he would feel better. Like when he was human.

**~oOo~**

A stone's throw from where Sam rested in the trees was the beach. Over the course of the morning, the wind had picked up, and dark clouds were gathering on the far horizon. The black and gray billows had a strange green tinge to them, and lightning flashed intermittently.

Emma wandered up and down the beach collecting driftwood. Until Sam came, they rarely built a fire, but keeping the lone human warm had become priority one for the group.

Meg had disappeared just after daybreak and hadn't been heard from since.

Meanwhile, Benny and Lenore sat on the beach. They could hear scraps of conversation coming from within the trees. It was good to know that Sam was well enough to talk, but it was clear what he was saying. And Benny knew Dean, perhaps better than Dean wanted him to. Vampire or not, Dean would always stick with his brother, even if he thought he shouldn't.

"If he goes, will you?" Lenore asked.

They had both been thinking about it, and she had finally been brave enough to ask. Benny cursed himself that he hadn't brought it up first and spared her the wondering. But he didn't know what he would do if Dean asked him to leave. It was kind of funny, considering how horribly it went last time that Benny wouldn't know his answer. Perhaps it was a punishment he thought he deserved. In that way, he wasn't so much different from Dean.

When he didn't answer, Lenore nodded and looked at her hands. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to assure her that he would never leave her behind, that he loved her—whatever that meant. But Benny couldn't make himself say anything at all. It was as if he were frozen there, paralyzed by a decision he hoped never to be faced with.

"Best not to borrow trouble," he finally said, as casually as he could. "Dean said he wasn't going."

"That's not the point." Lenore didn't say it angrily or accusingly. She just said it as the fact it was.

"Never really thought it'd be an issue," Benny confessed.

"It's not just about Dean," Lenore said. "If Sam's right..."

"Then maybe we _should _go back," Benny finished.

"If I could..." Lenore looked out at the angry waves. "I would."

"On the upside, even if I did go, I could come back."

"That's not funny."

"More like inevitable."

Lenore shook her head and smiled sadly. "Finding you was a one time thing. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We should never have had this chance, but we do. I don't think you can have it both ways."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"That your torn between me and Dean? Not really. He's your friend. I always took care of my friends. Or tried to."

"You have to notice how he's changed, though."

Lenore nodded. "Sam is right. He's the only one who can rival the Alpha." She kept her gaze fixed on the horizon and added quietly, "he is our new Alpha."

**~oOo~**

Castiel watched the sun rise over the Atlantic. He stood on a small dock a few blocks from the location of the latest vampire kills. He was waiting for full light before he investigated. Saving himself and Sam from the last vampire nest had taken a lot out of him, and he didn't think he had it in him to conjure that much power again. He would have to take out these vampires the old fashioned way. He needed every advantage he could muster because he was weak. The sun was a small thing, but it was better than the alternative.

In his time on Earth, Castiel had spent many hours watching nothing in particular. The ocean was hardly nothing, but even the powerful wind and crashing waves seemed small when compared with the turmoil within him. Nothing was coming out like it should and hadn't been for a long time—maybe never. Dean was a vampire, but even worse, he was gone. The world just didn't function properly without Dean Winchester. Even then it wasn't perfect, but it was better than this.

Castiel hadn't forgotten about the fact that his grace was fading, that he was dying. And Dean needed him. He couldn't die. There weren't a lot of options. Castiel had tried ignoring the problem and hoping it would go away. He couldn't do that anymore. His weakened state was at the forefront of his mind. But he didn't have the slightest notion of what he was going to do about it either. Metatron was dead, taking the secrets of his spell with him. And without new prophets, there would be no repairing the angel tablet for answers.

Castiel tried to stay positive, to believe there was a way to solve this because that's what Dean would do. He always believed. But did he still? Would he believe enough to come back?

The sun had fully cleared the horizon by now, casting a blinding glare across the endless water. Castiel turned away from the view, and started walking back to the street. He would have time for thinking later. It was time to get to work.

The site of the recent murder was blocked off by caution tape, but no one was around. The police would already have gone over the scene. Just as well.

Castiel ducked beneath the tape and cast a cursory glance around the small parking lot between tall clusters of buildings. The blood had been cleaned up, and if Castiel didn't know any better, he would have thought nothing remotely unusual had ever happened here. At a loss for what to do next, he decided to call Charlie.

"Not dead yet?" came the oddly cheery response on the second ring.

"No. Why would I call you if I were dead?" Castiel asked.

"Joking, Cas," Charlie said in a way that reminded Castiel starkly of Dean. "What did you find?"

"Nothing yet." He looked around again. "It's as if nothing happened, except for the yellow tape."

"Figures. Still, don't most vampires take their victims somewhere secluded?"

"Yes, which makes a parking lot a strange choice."

"Maybe they don't have a private enough place. Like if they live in a crowded neighborhood or apartment building.

"That doesn't make them easier to find."

"No, but we know not to look for abandoned buildings." Castiel could practically hear Charlie shrugging.

"But even if they didn't have a quiet place, surely they could _find _one," he said.

"Except they don't have to." Charlie's voice was affected by sudden realization.

"What do you mean?"

"They're getting bolder because there are more of them. And like Jody said, they're taking out hunters left and right."

"In that case, they might want to be found. It's easier to kill something that comes right to you."

Charlie was silent for a moment, then made a ticking noise with her tongue. "Guess I didn't really think about that. Jody was heading in your direction last night. Maybe you should wait for her?"

"I'll have to talk to the local authorities anyway and find out if they know anything. Ideally."

"What do you mean 'ideally'?"

"I'm not very good at this part."

"Oh... Well, if they're suspicious you can just have them call me and say I'm your superior at the FBI or whatever. Like Bobby."

Castiel frowned. "I didn't think you knew him."

"He was in the books too."

Castiel sighed. Of course; the books.

"I'll let you know if I find anything useful," Castiel said.

"Thanks," Charlie replied. "And I'm keeping an eye on the web-cam, so I can let you know if anyone shows up."

Castiel took a deep breath and told himself not to think about that too much right now. "Thank you," he said and hung up.

* * *

**Sorry this is a bit late. I wasn't able to get it out before work this morning like I usually do. But hopefully this starts to get into some of the things you guy have been asking about. **


	18. Don't Wander Off

**Chapter Seventeen "Don't Wander Off"**

By afternoon, big raindrops began to fall. It had never rained in Purgatory in Dean's memory, but a lot of weird things were happening lately. It was better in the trees where Sam was, but some water still leaked though the thick canopy.

Dean was busy building up the fire when Benny and Lenore came up from the beach.

"Emma is bringing more firewood," Lenore said before Sam could react to their presence. Dean hadn't told Sam who else was around, but he had a feeling there would be some explaining to do.

"Where's Meg?" Dean asked. Sam was already starting at him, so he figured he might as well get all the surprises out of the way.

Benny shook his head. "She's been gone all morning," he said.

To Sam's credit, he just gave off a huffing noise. "Who else you got hiding around here?" he asked.

"That's all," Dean said. "Everyone else still wants to kill us."

"I'm surprised you've got _that_ many friends."

"What can I say? I'm a likeable guy."

"Sure."

Sam let the subject drop after that, which was unnerving for Dean. It wasn't like his brother to just let something like that pass. Maybe he didn't remember who Emma was. Dean certainly hadn't brought her up after Sam killed her. And Sam never really saw her as family. But he had to remember Meg. Maybe the worst thing was that Sam didn't ask what a demon was doing in Purgatory. It was as if he just didn't care.

"I'm gonna go find Meg," Dean said. "She's not usually gone this long."

"I'm sure she can take care of herself," Lenore said. "You know how much she hates to be bothered."

"Tough. That storm doesn't look normal. I want everyone together by nightfall."

"We've got this covered," Benny said, gesturing toward Sam.

Dean looked back at his brother who seemed mildly irritated at being referred to as "this." Sam didn't say anything though, and that made Dean less interested in leaving him. Still, Meg's situation was a complicated one, and Dean didn't like the idea of her being gone so long. Finding her wouldn't be that hard. He hadn't really acknowledged the fact that he could feel _her_ mind as well as the others, but he acted on it all the same. He took off in the direction of the foggy black sensation, knowing that's where he would find her.

**~oOo~**

At first, the police were suspicious of an FBI agent showing up unannounced, but Castiel managed to hold his badge right side up and convince them that he was sent to aide in their investigation without having to resort to using Charlie as backup. It turned out that they had collected some information from the scene which Castiel would never have known otherwise.

A detective named Briggs, who looked like he was nearing retirement, led Castiel to the evidence room to show him what they had found.

"I gotta say we could use the help," he said in a confidential tone. "This one has me stumped, and I've seen everything."

"No one has seen everything," Castiel replied matter-of-factly.

Detective Briggs nodded to the side. "Guess you're right. Here it is."

He pulled out a cardboard box and set it on the metal table at the center of the room. Upon opening the lid, it seemed empty, but he pulled out a couple of small plastic bags. One had a rectangular piece of paper in it, and the other was too small for Castiel to see what it was.

Briggs showed him the paper first. It had a red-brown stain on one corner. "The ink is smudged, but it looks like a business card," he said as he held it up. "The blood matches the last victim. There's part of a number here too, and we've been running it through every database we can find, but nothing's come up. And that's not even the weird part."

"What's the weird part?" Castiel wasn't going to mention that vampires were weird enough on their own.

Briggs held up the second bag. "What's that look like to you?" he asked.

Castiel leaned in closer to see a small whitish thing in the corner of the bag. A fang. Definitely vampires.

"It looks like a tooth," Castiel said vaguely. "Perhaps an animal?"

"That's what I thought, but we can't seem to find anything that matches it. We found traces of all three victims' blood, though, so it's definitely connected. The deaths are too clean for an animal attack. Someone is doing this, and I hate to think what that means."

"Have you compared the tooth to the victims' wounds?"

Briggs nodded. "It's a clear match. But that's the other weird thing: there are two sets of teethmarks, one inside the other." He shuddered slightly. "I almost don't want to know, but this has to stop."

Castiel nodded. "Do you mind if I look at the bodies?" he asked.

Briggs gestured toward the door. "Be my guest."

"Oh, and I'd like to know what numbers you got off the card."

"I'll get you the full report. Anything you can add would be a big help."

Castiel nodded. He wouldn't be helping the police directly, but he could certainly clear up this problem for them, assuming he could find the vampires and kill them before they killed him.

**~oOo~**

It wasn't until Dean disappeared into the trees that Sam realized the weirdness of everything that was happening. Benny, he had expected. Lenore wasn't that much of a surprise. But Emma? She wanted to kill Dean last Sam checked. And Meg was a demon. He hadn't wanted to say anything before because he didn't know exactly what was going on with Dean, but he wondered if maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe Dean's powers were messing with... everything.

Benny sat down near Sam and added some more fuel to the fire. Lenore stood close by with her back to a tree looking wistful.

"I kinda figured you were here," Sam said, looking at Benny. "Thanks for letting me borrow your coat."

Benny shrugged, and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Not like it's never had blood on it before," he said.

"Thank you."

"It's just a coat."

"No, not for that, for—for looking after Dean. I know it's not easy."

"I didn't exactly do it for you." Benny didn't say this in an insulting way. He just said it.

"I know." Sam nodded. "And I know I wasn't very fair to you before."

Benny looked as if he were going to laugh. "This an apology?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, don't mention it."

They fell into silence for a moment. The only sounds were the crackling fire, and the increasing rain falling.

"Just one thing," Benny said after a significant pause.

"Yeah?" Sam replied.

"Don't ask me to try to change his mind."

Sam was surprised at that until he realized that it sounded like something he _would_ ask under normal circumstances. But everything was different now.

"I'm not going to," Sam finally said. "I wish I could."

Benny stared at him, and Sam almost thought he saw sympathy in the vampire's expression. Neither of them wanted to give Dean up, but neither of them really knew what he had become.

Lenore came over to sit beside Benny and stared into the flames. For a long time, the three of them sat there. Sam began to think that he would give just about anything for some painkillers.

Lenore rested her elbows on her knees and turned to face Sam. "What did you think would happen?" she asked. "When you came here, what did you think Dean would say?"

Sam wasn't sure how to answer that without sounding overconfident. Or narcissistic. "I thought..." he began. "I thought if I was in trouble, he'd come."

Lenore nodded. "You know that's not it."

"Yeah, I know."

"Dean doesn't know what he is." Lenore turned back to the fire with a faraway expression.

"And that scares the hell out of all of us," Benny said.

Sam thought about that for a moment. He knew what it was like to wonder if he was even human anymore, to know that he wasn't normal. But this was worse somehow. Dean knew he was a vampire, sure, but what else was he? Sam had no insights into that particular question.

"He's still my brother," Sam said. That much would never change.

Benny nodded. "Sure he is. And in some way, he probably thinks staying here is the best thing for you."

"Did you mean it?" Lenore asked. "That everyone will die?"

"Yes." Sam took a strange comfort in knowing that fact was utterly and objectively true. This wasn't a game or an attempt to manipulate Dean into coming home. Sam didn't want to live without him, but that didn't take away from the inevitable result of the vampire uprising. But Dean wouldn't save them because he didn't believe he could. Sam was at a loss as to how to make him see that wasn't true.

**~oOo~**

After relaying his new information to Charlie, Castiel returned to his motel and checked on the portal site. There had been no new activity, and if there had, Charlie would have called him. But he needed to see for himself. After staring at the screen for a good hour, he found himself nodding, eyelids drooping. He needed to sleep. As much as he wanted to pretend this wasn't happening, the thought of drifting off was strangely inviting. So, Castiel took off his coat and laid down on the bed. He remembered how difficult it was to fall asleep when he was human, how he struggled to quiet his mind. That was not the case this time. He was asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.

Several hours later, Castiel woke to a banging noise outside. It had gotten dark, and the room felt oddly cold. The banging continued, and there was a voice calling from the other side of the door.

"Cas? Open up—it's Jody."

He scrambled off the bed wondering how long she had been waiting. Giving no thought to his appearance (because he never did), Castiel jerked open the door.

Jody stared at him, wide-eyed for a moment. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," Castiel replied. "I was just..." Sleeping? No, he didn't want to admit that.

"You look like you just woke up with a hangover." Jody stepped inside, closing the door behind her. "But angels don't sleep, do they?"

"Of course not," Castiel replied noncommittally as he walked over to the small table and sat down to check the video feed again.

"No sign of them?" Jody asked.

"No." Castiel sighed. "Not that I..."

"Give them some more time. I hear it's a big place."

Castiel looked up a Jody with mildly confused expression. He wasn't sure if she were just saying those things to make him feel better or if she really believed it. Or a mix of both. He hadn't gotten a good read on her personality yet, but he knew she was kind and compassionate. Maybe she was an optimist as well.

Before Castiel could analyze her further, the computer produced a noise that indicated someone was trying to contact him. He pulled up the proper window and accepted the video-call from Charlie.

"Ah, perfect timing," she said when her grainy face appeared. "I looked into that number you gave me, and I think I have something."

"What number?" Jody asked, pulling up a chair beside Castiel.

"There was a business card near the last body," Castiel said. "The police couldn't find out where it was from, though."

"That's because it's no longer operating," Charlie said. "But I was able to search traffic cameras in the area and find where it used to be. At least, the only building with those four numbers in that sequence is in the shadier part of town. It's an old auto shop, and it looks like it's closed, but there's probably a back entrance the cameras aren't picking up. It's worth a look anyway."

"Probably best not to go at night, though," Jody said.

"Unless they kill again," Castiel argued. "If we don't go now, another person could end up dead."

Jody was silent for a moment. "Yeah, or we could end up dead, but I get what you're saying. We have to go now."

"That sounds like a spectacular idea," Charlie said. The dismal tone in her voice let Castiel know that she was using sarcasm. "Call me later if you don't die."

Charlie ended the call after that, and Castiel wondered if his own abruptness were really that bad.

Jody got up from the table and grabbed her keys out of her pocket. "Guess we better get going," she said.

Castiel stood as well. "If you don't want to come—"

Jody waved him off. "This is my job now, you know? And Sam and Dean would never forgive me if I let you get killed."

They left the hotel room and started toward Jody's car. Castiel couldn't help the questions that weighed on his mind.

"Do you really think Dean is coming back?" he asked.

Jody smirked. "I'd be very surprised if he didn't," she said.

**~oOo~**

It was raining in earnest and growing dark when Dean finally caught up to Meg. She was in the foothills of the mountains, and Dean got the feeling from the rocky terrain that she had zapped up here rather than walking. Even he was having trouble keeping his balance on the bed of shattered stones that had fallen from above. He made it up to a small patch of trees where Meg's signal was coming from.

Dean was greeted by a flying spear. He easily snatched it out of the air. "Son of a bitch!" he growled. "It's me!"

"I know that," Meg said, stepping out from the trees. "I wanted to be alone."

"So you thought you'd impale me?"

"I knew you'd catch it." She shrugged and reached for the spear.

Dean held it away from her. "What are you doing all the way out here?"

"It's called peace and quiet, jerkass, but you wouldn't know that because you never shut up."

Dean ignored her insults. "We need to get back before it gets dark."

"Why? There's no one here."

"This storm." Dean looked around to see the darkening sky and increasing torrents of rain. He was soaked already.

"It's nothing to be afraid of. It's yours."

"What?"

"You are causing it, Dean. You're causing everything. Didn't you know that?"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"The portal? The creepy mind control? You're conflicted emotions are causing all this." Meg gestured off at the horizon.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Only because you don't want it to."

"Whatever. We need to go back." Dean turned to head back down the mountain, still holding onto Meg's spear. She fell in step beside him and grabbed it back.

"Have a nice family reunion?" she asked.

"How about we don't talk anymore." It wasn't a question. Dean was done with Meg for the moment. He didn't have the courage to admit to himself that it was because the things she said scared him.

Meg huffed and hurried ahead of him, stepping so lightly it was almost as if her feet didn't touch the ground. And maybe they didn't. She didn't actually _have_ a physical form.

Dean shook himself and tried not to think about Meg. Which was difficult because she was right in front of him. He was beginning to wish he had just left her out all night. It wouldn't have hurt her. But the thought of the group being separated still bothered him. Even though he couldn't stand Meg most of the time, he didn't like the idea of her not being around. They were all connected somehow, and Dean hated to think that Meg might be right about his involvement in the strange goings on. She had the annoying tendency to be right when he least wanted her to.

* * *

**Sorry I haven't been replying to reviews like usual. Life has decided to be crazy lately. I plan to work on that this weekend, though. Somewhere between catching up on Doctor Who and Person of Interest and cleaning my room. Good times...**


	19. For the Sake of an Angel

**Chapter Eighteen "For the Sake of an Angel"**

It had begun to pour down rain when Jody drove her small pickup out of the hotel parking lot. Castiel sat in the passenger seat and found himself wanting to doze off again in the silence. It wouldn't do to fall asleep now, so he settled for changing the radio station and trying to find something he recognized. One thing Metatron hadn't given him much of was music.

About the twentieth time he reached for the dial, Jody swatted his hand away. "You're making _me _nervous, Cas," she said.

Castiel shrunk back in his seat. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to distract you."

"What's gotten into you? Usually you're zoned out."

"I don't think that would be a very good idea right now."

"True. So the alternative is channel surfing?"

"I didn't know any of those songs."

"So, listen to one and learn it."

"Oh."

Jody laughed once. "You all right?" she asked.

"Of course."

Jody was still focused on the road ahead, but Castiel could tell she didn't believe him.

"You think if he were here, Dean would accept that?" she asked.

"Saying I'm fine because there's nothing I can do about it? Dean taught me that.

Jody didn't respond to that for a moment. The windshield wipers made a squeaking noise as the struggled to keep up with the downpour. The radio had faded into static as the signal failed.

"How do you know there's nothing you can do?" Jody asked quietly. "Have you talked to anyone about it?"

"Sam. Though I didn't exactly mean to. It just came up. And Charlie knows, I suppose."

"So, what is 'it'?"

For a second, Castiel didn't want to answer. He hadn't really talked about it much, and he didn't know Jody that well. But she seemed like someone he could trust.

"My grace is fading," he said. "I'm going to die."

Jody took her eyes off the road for a split second, and in them Castiel could see genuine shock and sadness.

She immediately faced forward again, and appeared to be deep in thought. "So, is a grace like the source of your power?"

"More or less. It's the very essence of an angel. My original one was stolen, and borrowed grace doesn't last long."

"But the original lasts forever?"

"Presumably. It continually renews itself. I think it has something to do with a connection between the mind of the angel and the grace."

"So, you're still you and still an angel, but your grace is... gone."

"It's like losing a vital organ and having it replaced with old car parts."

"Ouch. And you can't find the original?"

"There have been searches, but Metatron—the angel who stole it—is dead, so there's no way of knowing if there's even any left or where he would have hidden it."

"But you could keep looking."

"Yes, there are angels who continue to look, but they do have other duties. They cannot devote all their time to me. Nor would I wish them to. If I am to die... Well, I wish it didn't have to be like this, but I won't complain about it. I will do my work until I am no longer able."

Jody nodded slowly. "And what do you think Dean will say when he finds out?"

"I hadn't planned on telling him."

Jody swerved slightly as she looked over at Castiel, and he put his hands on the dashboard as if to keep them from running off the road. Jody recovered quickly and focused on the road again.

"Setting aside the wrongness of that statement for the moment, do you really think he won't notice?" Jody asked.

"He will have other things on his mind."

"And you don't think he'd want to know that his best friend is dying?"

"I'm not—" Castiel halted. He wasn't sure he believed what he had been about to say, but the thought of it concerned him. "We should worry about this later," he said.

They had just arrived in front of the rundown shop, and Jody parked about a block away. She seemed amenable to letting the matter drop for the moment, but Castiel had a feeling she wouldn't let it go permanently. She just wasn't that sort of person.

Jody reached behind the seat for a long blade that looked something like a small sword. She set that across her knees and reached back again, this time pulling out a pouch full of syringes of dead man's blood.

"Always be prepared, right?" she said as she stuffed them in the inside pocket of her jacket.

Castiel took out his angel blade and nodded. There wasn't much else they could do to improve their odds.

When they got out of the truck, the rain was still coming down in sheets. They ran across the street, taking shelter under the rickety eaves of the old buildings. There was only one distant streetlamp to see by, while all of the shops were dark. Looking in the windows of the auto shop revealed nothing: only a dusty floor in an empty lobby. But there were doors leading to the back which must have been where they worked on the cars. If the vampires were anywhere, that would be it.

Jody tried the door, but it was locked and seemed to be barred from the inside. They would have to go around to find a way in. Probably the same way the vampires came and went which would make their presence instantly known if there were any of them around.

Thankfully the noise of the rain masked the sound of their footsteps as they sneaked into the alley. It would probably help with their smell as well.

Castiel was reminded suddenly of his last hunt with Dean. For an agonizing moment, all he wanted to do was turn around and run. He wanted to hide and pretend this wasn't happening. Everything Dean had ever fought for was under attack. The only way to give any honor to Dean's memory would be to keep fighting this hopeless battle, watching more and more people die. But Castiel didn't _want _to. Dean wouldn't have given up, but for that fleeting moment, Castiel didn't believe he could be like Dean. He wanted to give up.

The moment passed, and he followed Jody to the backdoor of the shop. In the alley, there was no shelter from the rain. Castiel pulled his hand inside his sleeve so that his fingers wouldn't get wet and slip on the grip of his blade.

Jody pushed the door open, and light flooded through. The Vampires were in.

**~oOo~**

The storm lasted for a good week before the weather began to clear up. A morning finally came with no rain and only distant thunder and lightning. Sam had spent the entire time in the most extreme discomfort he ever recalled experiencing. The cold and wet was bad enough, but with his badly injured arm, he couldn't do much of anything or even move around. The whole group had spent the week awkwardly huddled together and making inane conversation out of sheer boredom.

When everyone dissipated with the rain, Sam felt a mix of relief and anxiety. He knew that the break in the weather meant that Dean would want to be moving on soon. Sam was well enough to walk for a decent length, so they would inevitably be heading toward the portal back to Earth. Sam would be going home alone. Though he wasn't sure he could rightly call it home anymore. Nothing seemed like home without Dean there, not even the few years he spent in school. But he would go back. For a lot of reasons, not a single one being that he wanted to.

By mid-morning, Sam found himself alone in the trees, trying to wring out the last of the water from his clothes. The worst were his socks. His clothes would dry after walking in them for a while, but the socks were a different story. He was oddly embarrassed when Meg came upon him barefoot. Which was stupid, but maybe she just made him feel awkward anyway. He wanted to say something to her about the last conversation they had. About Cas. But he had no idea what to say. That Cas was fine? He wasn't. Maybe it was better not to talk about him at all. Other than that, Sam didn't know what to say to her. They had nothing else in common.

"I was surprised too," she said, saving him the trouble of coming up with a topic of conversation.

"Surprised by what?" Sam asked, resigning himself to damp socks.

"That Dean's not going back with you. I'm still waiting for him to change his mind.

Shrugged his left shoulder. "He sounded pretty sure he wasn't coming."

"I'm not sure he can handle looking at those puppy eyes for however long it takes to get you out of here. Give it time, and he'll go."

"Why do you care?" It came out harsher than Sam meant it to, but he didn't have very many reasons to be gentle with Meg.

She paced slowly through the trees. "You should know by now that I'm a follower. I find someone to lead me, and I stick with them. As my luck would have it, everyone I choose to follow ends up leaving or dying or going off to alternate dimensions. It's gonna be weird without him. Don't tell him I said that."

"Why are you telling me?"

"Because if he's reluctant to leave for any reason other than what he's said, he needs to know that I'll take care of them."

"Them... You're gonna look after everyone else if Dean leaves? Because you think you have some obligation to him."

"No. Because I want to. I sided with Dean because he was there, because of everything down here, he's the least likely to kill me, because of—" Meg paused and shook her head. "I don't have to explain this to you."

Sam shook his head. "No," he said. "I get it. I know who you really did it for. And I'll be sure to let him know."

"No!" Meg said quickly. "Don't tell him I was here. It wouldn't do any good."

Sam was surprised, though maybe he shouldn't have been. Meg and Cas never really got a chance to figure each other out, but he knew she loved him. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense she wouldn't want him to know. Bringing her up would just bring back bad memories. Sam wasn't really sure if Cas had loved Meg or not, but he knew she meant a lot to the angel anyway. But Sam still had mixed feelings.

"He would want to know."

"No he wouldn't." There was a clear bitterness in Meg's voice that hadn't been there before. "He's forgotten me, and all the better for him. You can't tell him, Sam."

"Why won't you say his name?" Sam spoke more softly than he ever had to Meg before.

"What good would that do?" She wouldn't look at him.

Sam wondered if demons could cry. He was pretty sure they could. "You died for him," Sam said. "You deserve better for that."

"Who of us really gets what we deserve?" She turned and faced Sam with the hollow, haunted expression of one who had spent centuries losing everything over and over again.

Sam no longer wondered how she had become who and what she was. He saw his own brother turn into a demon because of the same things. Eventually you lose so much you stop caring. And Sam didn't know how to make Dean care again.

**~oOo~**

"You're here early," a female voice said from within the shop before Jody had opened the door fully. Soon enough the owner of that voice would know that her company was not who she expected.

Jody stepped inside first, and Castiel was close behind her. The garage was one big room with concrete floors and flickering fluorescent lights overhead. There was a collection of ratty furniture set up in a half circle, pointed at an old TV. There were more than two chairs, so the woman must have had multiple friends. There were several hammocks strung up on one side of the room.

The woman was facing the TV, but it was off, and there was a clear reflection of the two hunters in the glass.

She was expecting them.

Jody let her blade hang by her side, ready to attack as soon as the opportunity presented itself. "Where are your friends?" she asked.

The woman turned and gazed at them with a disdainful expression. "Out to dinner," she said.

"And they left you alone to die?" Castiel asked, tilting his head curiously.

"Hardly." The woman sprung from the couch and before either of them could see it happen, she was standing in front of them with a threatening snarl. "But somebody's gotta guard the nest, especially when the prey just walks in."

"We had a feeling that was the plan," Jody said.

"But you're hunters, so you stupidly came anyway. You think you can keep killing us and we won't fight back?"

"If you were so confident, you would have attacked already," Castiel said. "But you're trying to stall until your friends come back to help you."

"You think I can't handle an old woman and a sickly angel?"

"Who you calling old, bitch?" Jody said, angling her body so that her blade arm was in front of her.

But the vampire kept staring at Castiel. "Did you come here to die tonight, angel?" she asked. "Have you given up?"

"I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish," Castiel said, but he was unnerved by the fact that this woman seemed to know so much about him.

"I'm going to drink you to the last drop," the woman said, stepping closer to Castiel. "That's what you want, isn't it? To be the sacrificial lamb, you blood poured out over the altar of your deluded heroism, unaware of how utterly useless you really are. He will not save you. He will destroy you."

Castiel wasn't now certain that he wasn't talking to a normal vampire. Someone was speaking through her, and he had a feeling he knew who it was. "I know," Castiel said. "I am prepared to be destroyed."

"Good."

The vampire lunged at him without warning, her fingers dug into his coat and clawed at the skin underneath. Her inconsequential weight still managed to knock him over. She was stronger than she should have been, even for a vampire, and he was weak.

Castiel hit the concrete hard, knocking his head against the floor as he fell. The woman had her knees clamped hard against his sides and her hands held his shoulders to the floor. In the struggle, his angel blade has slipped from his hand and rolled out of reach. Castiel could see the fangs come out, and for a brief moment, he embraced the thought of a quick death.

The moment was quickly, and much too easily shattered when Jody sliced the vampire's head from her shoulders. Castiel was instantly drenched in blood, and the woman's head narrowly missed his as it fell to the floor with a sickening _thump_.

Jody pushed the body away and helped Castiel to his feet. "You okay?" she asked, a bit breathless.

Castiel nodded and picked up his weapon. "Just a headache, I think," he said.

"What did she mean about you sacrificing yourself and that whole 'he will not save you' stuff?"

Castiel shook his head. "I don't think that was her talking. We should go. Whatever is happening here is bigger than us."

"But the other vampires are coming back. We need to end this."

"Yes, we do, but we will need more help. These vampires seem to be under the direct influence of their leader, and we are no match for him."

"You mean we need Dean?"

"As usual."

"Is he the one she was talking about? The one who will destroy you, whatever that means?"

Castiel hesitated. "It's probably best not to speculate."

He turned and headed for the door, not waiting for Jody to respond. He couldn't explain the vampire's meaning because it was something he had only ever told one person, and even that he hadn't really wanted to. No one else needed to know that Dean had drunk his blood. How the Alpha knew in the first place was disconcerting enough.

The rain washed away some of the blood as they walked back to Jody's truck, but Castiel had a feeling he would need new clothes. They could deal with that back in Maine.

**~oOo~**

It didn't take long to arrive back at Mirkwood. Dean told the others they could stay behind, but no one even acknowledged his offer. He hadn't really expected them to. It was slower going with Sam, which made Dean nervous. Over the past week, his resolve had been steadily declining, and he hated to think what a few more weeks would do to him. The more time he spent around Sam, the more he wanted to give in and go home. He was even beginning to think in those terms: going home.

Meanwhile, Sam was decidedly _not _bothered by the creepy forest, and Dean just chalked it up to him being the only pure human around. It still seemed odd that while the rest of them felt—at the very least—nervous, Sam was fine. No shifty eyes, no reaching for his weapon every few minutes. Dean couldn't exactly say that he was nervous either. His feelings about the situation were far too layered for mere nervousness. There was nothing to be afraid of because he knew he was stronger than anything they might face. It was that Dean feared more than anything, but it was a sort of distant apprehension rather than an immediate threat.

When the pull of the swirling demon vortex began to get stronger, Dean started to understand. It wasn't something he could put into words, but he knew he didn't have to worry about getting Sam home. He knew everything would work out fine. On some level, he knew how as well, but it was still formulating in his mind. It wasn't until the ominous portal came into view that Dean really _knew _what he was going to do.

Ignoring Benny's suggestion that they go around and avoid the portal, Dean walked straight towards it. Without being told, Sam fell in step beside him. The others followed at a distance, all confused but loyal to the end. In the back of his mind, Dean acknowledged that he didn't deserve that.

Dean stopped six feet from the portal, staring into its hollow depths, seeing everything that wasn't there. On command, the stormy surface began to change. The lightning ceased, giving way to the blue glow that marked a safe return to Earth.

"What the hell?" Benny's voice seemed far away, like an echo.

But Sam's was obvious, standing out against the white noise emanating from the portal. "I don't want to go back without you," he said. "Cas is waiting—what am I going to tell him? I can't save him and I can't save you."

It wasn't that Dean missed the evident pain and vulnerability in Sam's tone, but he heard something that concerned him more. "What do you mean, you can't save him?" He turned to look at Sam, forgetting about the whirling mass of whatever-it-was in front of them.

Sam, however, did not look away from the blue light. "He's gonna die, and I can't save him. I've tried everything I can think of, but nothing works. The angels won't listen to me. There's nothing in the books."

"Sam, what are you talking about?"

Sam finally faced Dean. "His grace is almost gone. I'm sorry; I tried."

Dean shook his head. "That's not your fault. Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I don't know, the world is ending and your best friend is gonna die before everything crashes and burns just seems like a little much."

Dean let out a tentative breath and gazed back into the portal. He had known what he was going to do long before he reached this point, but somehow Sam's revelation about Cas made it easier to say.

"I'll make you a deal," Dean said quietly so only Sam could hear him.

"What?" Sam seemed confused.

"That when all this is over and the Alpha is dead, I'm coming back here."

Dean could feel Sam's stare, hear his argument before he made it. But this wasn't negotiable. And Sam would have to deal with that.

"I can't—" Sam started.

"I'm not asking you to do it. I'd never—I'm sure I can figure that out on my own. But there's one other condition for me to come back."

"What's that?"

Dean faced Sam again and did his best to keep a straight face. "You gotta get a freakin' haircut, man."

* * *

**Sorry again for the delay. This week ended up busier than I thought it would with filling in for co-workers and other adventures. I know; always with the excuses. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait.**

**Unfortunately, I will be taking a brief hiatus over the month of November because of NaNoWriMo, work, life, et cetera. I don't really want to because I love posting this story every week, but I think to do a good job, I need to give it some more time. Ideally, I will have some chapters stocked up by the end of the month. Either way, this story will be returning Friday December 5th without fail. I hope this isn't too disappointing. I promise good stuff when it comes back.**

**Thank you to everyone who has been faithfully reading this story, even those who don't leave reviews. I still appreciate that you're out there giving it a chance. I won't let you down.**


	20. The PArting of the Ways

**Chapter Nineteen "The Parting of the Ways"**

Sam looked back at the others. He had always known this was what he wanted, but the thought of taking Dean away from them didn't sit so well with him.

"I can only take two," he said apologetically.

"Three," Benny corrected. "At least, I think you can take Dean and Emma together because they're blood."

"I don't have a body anyway, so I'm out," Meg said with a shrug.

Sam knew her well enough to know that she wasn't as carefree about it as she pretended to be. And beside Meg, Lenore nodded solemnly.

"Me too," Lenore said.

Somehow, Sam always knew it would come down to this. That Benny was the one who would have to make the biggest decision. Maybe in the back of his mind, Sam always believed that Dean would come back. He hadn't even considered Emma, but he wasn't going to argue about taking her along if Dean wanted her. Benny was the one Sam wondered about because he hadn't come back before when he had the chance. And he had more of a reason not to now.

"Benny," Dean said in that husky, heartfelt voice he sometimes had when he was about to ask for something awful and felt guilty about it. "I understand if you don't, but..."

Benny looked from Dean to Lenore and then back to Dean again, obviously torn. Sam could understand that feeling. Dean had a way of asking more of people than anyone would ever think reasonable, but he did it in such an unassuming way like he would be okay if you said no. But Sam knew full well that Dean didn't want to leave Benny behind.

"I'll find a way," Dean said, taking a step closer to Benny. "I swear I'll find a way to get her out."

Benny looked at Dean as if evaluating the truth of his statement. "If you don't..." he said. "If you don't, I will."

Benny turned away from Dean and pulled Lenore into a tight embrace. He whispered something to her that Sam couldn't hear, then kissed her. Sam looked away, feeling as if he were intruding just by being there. The portal kept swirling behind him, and he barely noticed it.

Dean moved back to stand beside Sam. Emma was watching them cautiously.

"Do you want to come?" Dean asked.

The look on her face said she'd never expected to be asked. "If you want me to," she said.

Dean nodded. "We could use all the help we can get."

Sam knew that was an excuse, but he let it pass. If Dean wanted Emma around, it was nothing to him. As long as she didn't go man-killer again, everything would be fine.

Emma stood next to Dean, and Sam began to wonder how he was going to take them both at once. Benny hadn't seemed completely clear on the process. Of course Sam wondered how Benny knew about this whole soul ferrying thing anyway, but that seemed destined to remain a mystery.

At last, everyone was ready to go. Lenore and Meg stood back watching the proceedings. First, Benny showed Dean and Emma how to link their souls together. It was a bit like nesting dolls: Emma's soul inside of Dean's, Dean's soul inside of Sam's. By the time they were safely inside, Sam was thoroughly worn out. He didn't know how he was supposed to carry the weight of three souls back with him, but he didn't have far to go.

"Your turn," he said to Benny, just as he had the last time.

"Promise you won't dump me in a ditch somewhere?" Benny said. There was an edge to his joking, but Sam chose to ignore it.

"Promise," Sam replied, holding out his arm.

Benny held on with a tight grip, and Sam spoke the words of the spell one more time. It was done. They were all in for the ride.

Sam looked back at Meg and Lenore. "Be careful," he said.

Lenore nodded in silence, and Meg scoffed.

"I'm always careful," she said. "Just you watch out for those little monsters of yours. They need a lot of babysitting."

Sam smiled, knowing she meant Cas too. "Yeah, I'll keep both eyes on them."

He slowly backed toward the portal until Meg and Lenore began to fade from view. There was a mass of blue light all around him, a deafening noise like a freight train, and then—silence.

**~oOo~**

The sun had fully risen by the time Castiel made it to the portal site again. He had left Jody behind at the motel, still sleeping. No matter how tired he was, though, he wouldn't be able to rest until Dean was back among them. There were so many ways it could go wrong, but Sam had been right about them needing him.

The weather had turned much colder, and Castiel's new clothes weren't as warm as his brown coat. It seemed as if his favorite things often got bloodstained. This was probably a hazard of being a hunter. Castiel couldn't say that he hadn't brought it upon himself.

The vampire's words still haunted him. She knew about Dean. Or rather, the Alpha knew, and he knew about Castiel's blood and his fear of dying, the latter of which Castiel had told to no one.

The only thing to do now, though, was wait. Castiel had done plenty of that over the last few weeks. He should have been used to it, but he couldn't help wondering whether Sam were okay or if he had run into some terrible monster and been torn to shreds. But that was something Castiel often feared about his human friends.

As the day wore on, Castiel sometimes thought he saw flashes of blue light in the woods around him, but it always turned out to be nothing. Wolves howled in the distance, reminding him of how alone he was and how dangerous his life had become. Perhaps it had always been this way; he just didn't notice.

But the phantom flashes continued. Castiel was absolutely certain that they weren't mirages or hallucinations or products of his imagination. There was something out there, something coming. But it seemed strange that it would be so slow. He had never experienced it, but Castiel always imagined the trip through the portal to be a quick one: there then here, with no slowing down or stopping in between.

Darkness came on, and the flashes became brighter given the contrast. And closer too. If Castiel had gone three steps ahead, he could have reached out and touched them. Assuming they were tangible things, which he very much doubted.

At last, the flashes became something more. The blue lights converged and a solitary disk hovered in the air full of the same blue flashes that had been streaking through the trees. Something dark appeared at the center, and Castiel got to his feet. A few seconds more, and the dark mass became the shape of a man. A tall man whom Castiel clearly recognized.

Sam was coming back.

The portal expanded and contracted as Sam passed through, and before Castiel had fully processed what happened, Sam was standing in front of him, the portal was gone, and darkness fell over them. His arms were glowing an orange-ish color indicating that he had not come alone.

"You found him?" Castiel said breathlessly. He hadn't realized until this moment how much he doubted he would ever see Dean again.

"Yeah," Sam replied. "That wasn't the hard part. You got shovels? This is possibly _the_ most uncomfortable thing ever."

Castiel nodded and went to retrieve the shovels. Without another word, they started digging. Sam wasn't restricting himself to Dean's grave, rather digging one big hole. Castiel had assumed the other orange glow was Benny, but now it was confirmed. It was a funny feeling: he hadn't seen the vampire since Purgatory, but he knew Benny had always been a good friend to Dean, and apparently that was still the case.

It took most of the night to dig up the graves. Benny's body had mostly decomposed to the bones, but Dean's was still in the process. It was something Castiel had seen before through his real eyes when he recovered Dean's soul from Hell. It was worse this time.

Sam hurriedly drew a knife and sliced open his arm, letting Dean's soul return to his body while reciting the spell that would bind them together. Then he moved on to Benny. For a moment, nothing happened, and Castiel wondered if something had gone wrong. Sam seemed to be fearing the same thing from the panicked look on his face.

When Castiel looked back into the open grave, he noticed that it was empty. "Sam—" he started.

"Well, that was awful," Dean's voice interrupted from behind Sam.

"Now you know how I felt," Benny replied.

Dean's joking demeanor changed when he saw Castiel standing there, still holding his shovel. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Castiel replied with all the awkwardness that seemed to characterize their relationship over the last year or so.

But there was something else. The others probably didn't notice it, but Castiel knew the look in Dean's eyes that he was trying so hard to hide. If Benny had noticed, he would have known it too.

Dean was thirsty.

Castiel didn't know if Dean had told Benny about drinking his blood, but he wasn't about to bring it up now. Even though Sam knew about the first time, Castiel had a feeling Dean wouldn't want him to.

"I have... sustenance back at the motel," Castiel said. It was true enough. He had thought to procure some donated blood and keep it in the refrigerator on the off chance that Benny did come back.

Benny looked at him with surprise. "That was sure thoughtful of you," he said.

"But you didn't know for sure we'd be back," Dean said.

Castiel shrugged. "I guess you'd call that faith."

**~oOo~**

Dean stuck to the back of the group as they hiked out of the forest, keeping Sam and Benny between himself and Cas. From the moment he became aware of the angel's presence, he had the almost unbearable urge to rip out his throat. Not that carrying Emma around was any help either. She kept moving around and pushing against his skin. And Seattle was a long way off.

Dean was so thirsty that he'd almost forgotten that he came back to save Cas. Drinking his blood would certainly be counterproductive. But damn he wanted to. There was nothing he could do about it now. Maybe once he sucked down someone else's blood, the feeling would subside, but he didn't think so. Even the strong scent of Sam's blood didn't seem appetizing.

It was almost dawn by the time they reached the car and Cas handed Dean the keys. For a second, he considered grabbing Cas' arm and—Dean stopped himself there and moved as quickly as he could to the driver's seat. Thankfully, Sam sat next to him, creating a bit of a buffer, but it was much worse being in a confined space. Even though it was cold out, Dean opened his window.

"That bad?" Sam asked.

Dean almost thought Sam knew what he was thinking, but then he noticed that Benny had his window open too, and Sam's voice had a more teasing tone to it than he initially realized.

They just had to make it back to the motel. Once they were there, everything would be okay. Dean had to keep telling himself that as he drove. It helped him put off thoughts of how great it would be to sink his teeth into some angel blood.

The sun had barely begun to rise as they pulled into the parking lot. They would have to move fast to avoid burns. Cas led them all to the room and let them inside. Dean was surprised to see Jody Mills sitting at the small table on one side of the room. As soon as she saw them, she jumped up and hugged Dean.

"I knew you'd be back," she said with a laugh.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been, but Dean was somewhat shocked to find that someone was so glad to see him. Cas hadn't seemed that happy, though he probably knew what a struggle Dean must have been having. Jody, on the other hand was blissfully ignorant. She proceeded to hug Sam as well and introduce herself to Benny.

Meanwhile, Cas went over to the refrigerator and removed some blood bags. Dean had to feign interest, even though he did not relish the thought of drinking that cold, strange blood. Benny, however, was intent on it, and Dean hoped his enthusiasm would cover for both of them. Everyone else moved to the other side of the room as if to give them privacy while they ate. Dean remembered how much he used to dislike it when Benny would drink blood in front of him, but he was never sure why. Now, he thought he understood. He didn't want to see it because he wanted to pretend it didn't exist, that normal people didn't get turned into bloodsucking monsters with no hope of redemption. But here they were.

Dean managed to choke down a few mouthfuls. Benny drank a whole bag and looked like he wouldn't mind another. Dean handed him the last of his.

"I'm not very thirsty," he said.

Benny looked at him suspiciously. "Yes you are, Dean," he said quietly. "You don't have to like it, but it's best to stay hydrated. Keeps everyone safe."

"I'm fine," Dean said.

"I'll believe that when Hell freezes over." Benny waved Dean off. "Drink as much as you can. Trust me; you'll regret it if you don't."

Dean knew Benny was right, but this wasn't the blood he wanted. He knew what he wanted. It was right across the room. He could smell the burning grace running through Cas' veins. It wasn't the blood; it was the grace.

Suddenly, Dean knew that coming back had been a mistake. He wanted to help Cas, but all he could think of now was something that would destroy his friend. And he wouldn't go back. He wouldn't be able to force himself away from the one thing that could satisfy his thirst.

Dean put away the blood packs, and everyone gathered around the small table. They were already talking about their next move by the time Dean joined them.

"We can head back to Kansas as soon as you want," Jody was saying. "I'm thinking of picking up Annie on the way."

"We do have one stop to make first," Sam said.

"What do you mean?"

Dean stepped forward and pulled up his sleeve, showing the bright glow of Emma's soul beneath the skin. "We have to pick someone up in Seattle," he said. "It's a long story, but she came back with us."

"Who did?" Cas asked.

"An old friend," Sam said, sparing Dean the trouble of explaining. "That's where her body is buried."

"How many friends do you have in Purgatory," Cas said to Dean.

"More than you'd think," Dean replied. He could tell Cas about Emma later. Maybe when he was more able to focus on making conversation, and not spending so much time thinking about how delicious—

Dean began to wonder with increasing apprehension whether he would ever be able to have a normal conversation with Cas again.

* * *

**As promised, we're back! I did get a few more chapters done, and I can't wait until you see what's going to happen. I would have had this up earlier today, but I had a bunch of stuff to get done, and I wanted to make sure there were no glaring errors or anything. Ah... I've missed this.**


	21. Deep Breath

**Chapter Twenty "Deep Breath"  
**

Jody headed off that morning to go get Annie and return to the bunker. Meanwhile, Dean, Sam, Cas, and Benny left for Seattle. It was still early enough that the sun was behind them as they drove. As such. Dean and Benny sat in the front seat. They would switch as soon as it was past noon. Which would take a while because they gained an hour for every time zone they crossed.

Dean was enjoying the sound of the engine and the radio, watching the miles pass by. He still couldn't completely forget about the strong scent in the backseat, but he was a little better now that he'd gotten used to being around Cas. They would have to figure this out soon, but he wasn't going to talk about it in front of anyone else. The thought of Sam or Benny knowing... Dean focused on the road ahead. He could hear Benny's voice, telling the others about their "adventures" thus far. It was kind of relaxing to hear that Louisiana drawl carrying on mile after mile.

Sam told Cas about finding Dean, most of which Dean already knew. It wasn't until Cas mentioned something about Crowley that Dean perked up.

"What'd he have to do with it?"

Sam's reflection in the rearview mirror looked sheepish. "He's the one who got me in," Sam said.

"I thought you got a reaper like last time." Dean could feel his voice growing deeper into more threatening territory.

"I never said that."

Dean hit the steering wheel with the heel of his hand. "Damn it, Sam, why'd you go to Crowley?"

"Because no one else would help," Sam argued. He wasn't the least bit sorry.

"What did you give him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. I know he wouldn't help you for free."

"Considering past deals, I think I got off easy."

"What did you do, Sam?"

"I just promised him we wouldn't try to kill him."

Dean was stunned into silence for a moment. "What kind of deal is that? We can't kill the King of Hell?"

"Unless we want him to send you back."

"Oh, that's something. You can just off him when I'm gone."

"What do you mean, when you're gone?" Cas interrupted.

"I'm not staying for good," Dean said. "Just until this thing with the Alpha is all sorted out."

"Oh."

Dean could hear the disappointment in Cas' voice. He hadn't really wanted to talk about this now, but here it was. His arm was killing him, and the mood in the car was getting more awkward by the moment.

"The good thing is," Dean went on, "Crowley's not gonna claim Sam's soul or anything."

"You really think I would have made that deal?" Sam asked.

"I think you would have done just about anything," Dean said. It wasn't some big revelation or challenge—it was just a fact that Sam would do the same kinds of crazy things that Dean did. They were more similar than they were different.

"Who exactly are we going to find?" Cas changed the subject.

"It's—"

"A long story. I know. We have a long drive."

Dean shrugged. "Well, a couple years ago, Sam and I were tracking down these Amazons in Seattle..."

It didn't take as long as Dean thought it might to tell Cas the whole story with a few interjections from Sam. By the time they finished, Cas was deep in thought.

"How do you know for sure her instincts to kill won't come back."

"Even if they do," Dean said, "you'd be surprised what people can resist."

Dean couldn't see Cas in the mirror, but he could imagine the look on his face. Cas knew what Dean was feeling right now. He had to. He had been there the first time. In some ways, he was responsible for it. But Dean wasn't about to make him suffer for that. Maybe it was a mistake, but they couldn't take it back now, and holding things against Cas had never been a productive use of Dean's time.

They continued on in silence for a few more hours, and Dean was starting to notice that he was tired. For what seemed like a very long time, he'd barely been able to sleep, but now he felt as if he could curl up in the backseat and drift away easily. He would have plenty of time for that as soon as they switched places at noon. It suddenly seemed a long way off.

When they finally did stop, Sam went inside for snacks, and Benny immediately moved to the backseat out of the sun. Dean could feel the burning glare, but it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Maybe that was cause for concern, but he had bigger problems.

Cas stood outside on the opposite side of the car from Dean. There was no telling how much time they had before Sam got back, but it seemed that some things just couldn't wait.

"I'm sorry I brought this on you," Cas said suddenly.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked.

"The thirst. For my blood. It's my fault you—"

"Let's get something straight right now: I don't blame you for anything. And even if I did, I'd forgive you, so there's nothing to worry about."

"That doesn't solve our current problem."

"Which one?"

"The one where you need my blood."

"I don't _need_—"

"Let's not lie to one another, Dean. Our situation is precarious enough."

"Yeah, like how you're dying and all."

Cas' eyes widened. "What?"

"Sam told me your grace was fading. How long you got?"

"There's no way of knowing. We're wasting time. Follow me."

Cas turned at walked toward the building. He was heading for the side where the bathrooms were. Dean got the feeling there was a reason Cas wanted to get out of sight.

"We don't have long," he said, stopping where the shadow of the building created a nice relief from the sun.

"Time for what?" But Dean already knew.

"Which artery do you prefer?"

"Cas—"

"We can't afford to argue about this. You need blood, and I'm giving it to you."

"I'm not gonna—I can't—"

Cas looked at Dean with those wide sympathetic eyes. "You must," he said.

Dean took a deep breath, and his senses were assaulted by the overpowering scent of blood and grace. Cas was right; he needed it. He couldn't hold off any longer. This was so many levels of wrong, but he didn't have a choice. He couldn't stop himself now.

"Just roll up your sleeve," Dean said, harsher than he meant to.

"I hear the radial is quite popular," Cas said as he bared his wrist.

"Can we not talk about this?" Dean wouldn't look Cas in the eye.

"All right," Cas replied. "When you're ready."

Dean could feel the throbbing pulse just beneath the skin. He could almost taste the hot, fresh blood pouring over his tongue. Without choosing to, he felt his second set of teeth descending. He reached for Cas' arm, but he wasn't even thinking about Cas anymore. He didn't see his friend standing there, offering his blood, his life just so Dean could be—what, happy? Alive? He didn't think about any of that as his teeth tore through the flesh of Cas' wrist and the only feeling was of an uncontrollable thirst. He needed this, he wanted this.

He liked this.

It may have only been a few seconds later when Dean pulled away and wiped the blood from his mouth. As soon as he did, he was hit with a stark realization of what he had just done. He was drinking his best friend. He was killing Cas.

Dean finally looked into his friend's eyes. "Cas..."

"It's okay, Dean," Cas said. He looked strangely pale and weak, but he was smiling. "I only want to help you."

That was true. Dean needed to be strong to fight the Alpha, didn't he? No. No, this was all wrong. He couldn't be sucking Cas' blood. That went against everything he stood for, everything he had always believed in.

But what was right anymore? Dean was a vampire. Vampires drank blood. Simple right?

So why did he feel as if he had just committed the unpardonable sin?

**~oOo~**

When Sam came out of the convenience store, he noticed Dean and Cas also crossing the parking lot from the side of the building.

"You guys go to the bathroom at the same time now?" Sam joked.

"Angels don't urinate," Cas replied.

It was only then that Sam thought about what else they could have been doing back there. "Then why did you go?" Sam said.

Cas hesitated. He seemed strangely tired and pale. "Fresh air," he said.

Sam knew he was lying, but he didn't want to consider all the reasons that might be the case.

"The sun's killing me," Dean said, obviously changing the subject. "Let's roll."

It wasn't unusual for Dean and Cas to be conspiring in some way or another, but Sam didn't like the thought of them sneaking off at a time like this. There was so much at stake, and the idea of keeping all these secrets was unsettling. Of course, Sam had his own secrets too. He never told Dean about Myron, and he'd promised Meg that he wouldn't tell Cas about her. Those things seemed small, but maybe they weren't. And there was the slight nagging feeling that Dean's motives for coming back weren't exactly what Sam wanted them to be. It was silly for him to feel that way, so he wasn't about to mention it, but he felt it all the same.

After Dean and Cas got in the car, Sam moved around to the driver's seat. Cas sat across from him, staring straight ahead, and in the back, Benny was already asleep, and Dean was headed in that direction. Sam couldn't help noticing that Dean didn't have his window open anymore. Sam felt his stomach sinking as he pulled out of the gas station and headed back to the highway. If Dean wasn't bothered by the smell of human blood anymore, that could mean only one thing: he had something better.

Sam glanced over at Cas who seemed to be ignoring him. He wasn't about to ask about it now, but there was no way he could forget what Cas told him, that Dean had drank his blood. He hated to think that was what they were doing behind the gas station, but it would explain a lot.

Sam tried to put the thought out of his mind, but in the quiet car with the road stretching on endlessly ahead, he had nothing to do but think.

"Did it take you a long time?" Cas suddenly asked.

Sam almost jumped in surprise at his voice. "What?"

"To find Dean."

"Oh, yeah, you could say that."

"I'm sorry. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I wish I could have helped more."

"You did." It wasn't until he said it out loud that Sam realized how important Cas really was in getting Dean out of Purgatory. "Knowing you were waiting for us..."

"And telling Dean about my condition."

"I—he mentioned that?"

"Yes. I don't really blame you for bringing it up, I suppose, but... I'd rather he didn't know."

"Nothing you can do about it now. He wants to help you, Cas. I think that's the main reason he came back."

Cas looked at Sam curiously. "He came back for you," he said. "He always comes back for you."

Sam shrugged. "Maybe it's a combination of both. It took him a while to agree to it."

"That was always a concern."

"Yeah, maybe I overestimated my persuasiveness."

"Oh, I don't think so. Perhaps you merely underestimated Dean's resolve. It's been known to happen."

"You'd think I'd know better by now."

"Dean may be predictable at times, but he's certainly not simple. Sometimes his motives are a mystery to all but himself. Or including himself. But somehow, it all comes back to you even in the most roundabout of ways."

"What do you think is gonna happen, Cas?" Sam spared a glance at the angel. "Do you think Dean can save us?"

"I think he's the only one who can," Cas replied. "And I know I am not alone in that. There will surely be losses before this is over, but Dean will do what he always does." Cas turned and faced the passenger window. "He will save the world."

**~oOo~**

It took just over two days of straight driving to reach Seattle. The four men took turns, Sam and Cas driving in the daytime while Dean and Benny slept, and then switching at night. By the time the arrived at their destination, Sam was obviously exhausted and favoring his injured arm a lot. Cas seemed tired to which would have seemed odd, if not for his failing grace. Benny was sunburned and looking anxious about the dwindling supply of blood in the cooler. Dean thought there might be more to it than that, but he wasn't going to ask.

They had made it. The patch of woods where Dean had buried Emma took a while to find, but he remembered it vividly. No one asked him about her or questioned why he had bothered to keep her body intact. He didn't even understand himself why he hadn't just burned her like all the other monsters.

As they got closer, Emma's soul was becoming more active. Dean remembered the first time when Benny hitched a ride with him, and that had been bad enough, but somehow this seemed worse.

Digging up the grave didn't take quite as long with three of them, and the trees and cloudy skies kept the sun at bay. As soon as Emma's bones were uncovered, Dean reached for his knife.

"You sure about this?" Sam asked.

Dean gave him a look as if to say that was a stupid questions. "Yeah," he said.

Dean didn't hesitate cutting into his arm and releasing Emma's soul. He said the words of the spell that he remembered from the first time. He knew Emma's body would materialize somewhere else, but he didn't know where, so he looked around, waiting for her to show up. When she did appear, she was leaning against a tree with her arms crossed.

"That took you long enough," she said.

"It was a long drive," Dean replied.

"Isn't that what they have planes for?"

Sam laughed. "Dean's afraid of flying."

Benny stared at him. "You are?"

"No," Dean said defensively.

"That explains why you didn't like it when I transported you," Cas said thoughtfully.

"I'm not afraid of flying!" Dean insisted.

"Whatever, man," Sam said. "Last time we flew, you nearly threw up twice."

"It's not like I was gonna leave my car in Maine anyway," Dean argued.

Emma shook her head. "Does this mean I have to ride around with the four of you all the time?"

"Only for 24 hours," Dean said. "Once we get back to Kansas, there won't be so much moving around."

"Speaking of that," Benny said. "We should probably go."

They started walking back through the trees toward the road. The bout of lighthearted joking had improved everyone's morale, but there was still an unspoken tension hovering between all of them. Dean wasn't sure how he knew, but he did; they all had a lot to work out once they got home.

Emma didn't want to sit in the backseat with Dean and Benny, so Cas volunteered. It was a tight fit, but the Impala was big enough to accommodate all of them. Emma seemed to grow suddenly distant as soon as they were in the car. She stared out the window with her eyebrows knit together. Dean might have asked if she were okay, but he had a feeling that might be awkward. There was also the fact that she was stuck in a car full of men, which couldn't have been fun for her no matter how reformed she was.

Dean didn't bother worrying about it then. He was ready to sleep for a few hours. He could deal with Emma later.

One good thing about all this was that Cas' blood seemed to be lasting for a long time. Dean hadn't been thirsty since that morning at the gas station. He drank a little to keep up appearances, but he saved most of what they had for Benny who needed it more. Perhaps this all should have concerned Dean, but he didn't let it get to him. He could hear Cas breathing beside him, and that sound accompanied him as he drifted off to sleep.

Dean had the dream again. The dream where he tore Cas to pieces. He hadn't dreamed about that in months. At least, it felt like months. It was the same, though, down to the last detail. Except, Dean wasn't a demon in this dream anymore; he was a vampire. It wasn't some hypothetical, past scenario. It was now. He was killing Cas, and he was enjoying it. The dream didn't end until Dean had crushed the last flicker of life from his friend and the world went dark.

He woke with a start, almost surprised to find that he hadn't been screaming. Next to him, Cas and Benny were still sleeping. Dean almost thought no one had noticed. But just as he was thinking this, Emma turned around in her seat and faced him. She didn't say anything. She just stared at him long and hard as if she could see what he was thinking.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound innocent, but coming out more nervous.

Emma only stared for a bit longer before turning around again and ignoring him.

Dean settled back into his seat, but he didn't go to sleep again. His mind was full of the images from his dream. Now that he was awake, he could feel the horror of what his subconscious self was doing. But the dream Dean had liked it. And maybe that concerned him most of all.

* * *

**I'm so sorry I forgot to upload this yesterday. It's been a busy week, and I didn't think of it until late last night as I was going to sleep. And then this morning, I had to go to the woods for a Christmas tree, so now, it's really late. I hope it's worth it.**


	22. Utopia

**Chapter Twenty-One "Utopia"**

Another long night, and part of the next morning passed before the group finally reached the bunker. Jody's truck was already parked in the motorpool. Sam didn't know where Annie had been hiding out, but apparently it hadn't been as far away as their journey to Seattle took them.

It didn't take all of a minute for everyone to pile out of the car and head for the door. As soon as they entered the hallway that led to the library, the sound of footsteps running down the corridor greeted them. Sam was slightly concerned as to why someone would be running, but when he saw Charlie rounding the corner with her eyes fixated on Dean, it all made sense.

Vampire or not, Dean nearly fell over when Charlie slammed into him. Sam wouldn't have thought she had that much force in her little body, but she was powerful when she wanted to be. Everyone else stared for a moment, but Sam just shook his head and kept walking.

Eventually, they all ended up in the library. Charlie was talking animatedly to Dean, and he just smiled and nodded and appropriate intervals. He seemed genuinely surprised and pleased to see her, and Sam suddenly remembered that he hadn't mentioned anything about her being there. He hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to Dean one-on-one at all since they got back though.

Great as the reunion was, Sam could feel his bed calling to him. His arm was feeling worse than it had when he left Purgatory, and he would probably have to get it looked at by a professional, but right now, he just wanted to sleep without being surrounded by other people.

Annie showed up from somewhere and gave Sam a hug. She told him there were leftovers in the refrigerator if anyone was hungry. Emma overheard this and declared loudly that she was starving.

"Hey," Sam said. "I offered you plenty of food, and you always said no."

"That's because you eat rabbit food," Emma grumbled.

Across the room, Dean laughed. "I've been telling him that for years."

"Excuse me for being healthy," Sam muttered. "Though, I guess you superhumans don't have to worry about that."

"Oh, poor you—you're so normal," Emma said.

Annie pointed Emma to the kitchen. "Jody's in there putting away groceries," she said. "She knows where everything is."

Emma nodded her thanks to Annie and disappeared.

"I think she just hates me," Sam said.

"Why would she hate you?" Annie replied.

"Maybe because I killed her." Sam shrugged.

"Yeah, that would do it. You know you've got a really weird life, right?"

"Says the girl who was a vampire and isn't anymore."

"That's just one weird thing. Your entire life is like a collection of weird."

"Thanks for the reminder."

Annie smiled. "Any time."

By this time, Dean had managed to introduce everyone, except for Emma who had gone off to find food.

"So, are you guys like dating or something?" Annie asked Dean and Charlie.

"Ew—no!" they both said in unison with matching looks of horror on their faces.

Annie put her hands up defensively. "Sorry, I couldn't tell."

"She's more like a little sister," Sam explained. "I believe Dean's exact words the day we met her were: 'she's like the little sister I never wanted'."

Charlie punched Dean's shoulder.

"Ow," he said, rubbing his shoulder more for show than anything. "I was kidding. You grew on me."

Charlie tilted her head and smiled. "Yeah, I know."

For a moment, they all seemed so happy. Cas was showing Benny where they kept the refrigerator full of blood, Dean was joking around, and Sam could almost think things were going to work out fine. He still had the ache in his shoulder to tell him otherwise along with all the information that contradicted the idea, but he let himself believe the lie for a little bit. Just long enough to sneak off and grab a couple hours of sleep. Their problems would keep until then.

**~oOo~**

Everything from the moment he landed back on planet Earth had been strange to Benny. It seemed like all he knew had turned backwards during his time away. Sure, he already knew it would be different with Dean as a vampire, but there was more than that. For one thing, both Sam and Cas were being nice to him. Cas had never exactly been hostile, but it was clear he wasn't Benny's biggest fan.

Then there was this place. Dean had told him about they bunker, but Benny had been expecting something a bit more... rustic. Compared to his imagination, the bunker was a palace. It was a perfect base of operations, of course, but some parts had a more homey feel. The library was warm and inviting, and Benny had seen the hallways full of bedrooms on their way in. Somewhere deep down, he felt that he wouldn't be staying here long. Something would happen, as it always did, and he would be out on his own again.

It didn't help matters that Benny knew what Dean and Cas were up to. He wasn't sure if they meant for him to overhear them or not because he couldn't imagine they wouldn't know he was listening that day by the car. It wasn't as if they had tried to be quiet either. Maybe they just forgot he was there. It wouldn't have been the first time.

Either way, Benny knew he had to say something about it. Feeding off someone close to you was a bad enough idea, never mind the small detail that Cas was an angel. Of course, Benny knew Dean wouldn't be able to stop. That was why it was such a bad idea. And he had an apprehensive feeling about how things would turn out.

There were plenty of other things to worry about. Lenore for instance. Benny had no idea how Dean planned on getting her out, or failing that, how he would manage it on his own. The details of that plan didn't concern him at the moment when he made his choice. Maybe because following Dean was what he really wanted, and making a bunch of promises made him feel better about it. But that wasn't entirely it. He hadn't wanted to leave Lenore behind. Even being away from here for a short time, he already missed her presence. He had become accustomed to having her by his side, to trusting her. He trusted Dean too, but in a different way. It wasn't something he could explain or even fully understand, but he didn't think he would have to.

Benny had returned to help Dean, though, and that was exactly what he was going to do. Whatever it took, he would see it through to the end. It had never really been much of an issue, but Benny realized that following Dean made sense. A lot of things about his own life still baffled Benny, but not Dean. He was some kind of constant in the universe. For better or worse.

There was still a lot to figure out, a lot he didn't understand. But Benny was tired, and the prospect of sleeping in a bed for the first time in far too long was incredibly tempting. It didn't look like he was going to get an opportunity to talk to Dean alone for a while anyway, so he found the room that had been assigned to him and took advantage of the opportunity. There was no telling when he would have such conveniences again.

~oOo~

Dean would have expected that being surrounded by a lot of people would have been unpleasant, but he was so used to sharing his personal space by this point, that he didn't care. He had been surprised and excited to see that Charlie was back. He didn't know why no one had mentioned her before, but he was glad she was there. Something about her always made things seem more happy, like everything was going to be okay.

It was even nice to see Annie again. Dean didn't know her that well, but had a certain familiarity about her. Maybe it was that she had once been a vampire, and some part of Dean could sense that in her, like she was family.

It was something of a shock to have so many people around the bunker. Dean didn't think he had ever been close to this many people at one time before. He could think of plenty of people he wished were there like Bobby and Kevin, but they were passing thoughts. He always remembered them, but he didn't have to dwell on their deaths right now.

Jody was busy running around and making sure everyone was taken care of. Dean was put off by it at first because she was treating the bunker like her own home, but then he remembered that she had been there a lot while he was gone. Things had changed for all of them. Relationships and circumstances were different. But they could manage. They could all manage until the threat was gone and everyone could go home. Jody and Annie would go back to North Dakota. Charlie would go wherever it was she went. Dean would go back to Purgatory. The balance would be restored.

There was a lot that had to happen between now and then, though. Dean knew he should start working on that, but he was enjoying just hanging out and acting like a normal person for the first time in a long time. He could delude himself into thinking everything was okay, that he was human, that Cas wasn't going to die, and Sam wasn't going to be alone. If he thought about those things, Dean wouldn't be able to go on. So, he pushed them from his mind. He laughed with Charlie and reminisced about Leviathans and LARPing and pretended that he was okay because that was what he always did.

Eventually, he found himself standing outside his old room. He had been up all night driving, and the socializing had definitely taken a lot out of him, but he didn't want to open the door. He didn't want to remember who he used to be because then he would start to feel that sense of longing, the desire to go back to how things were. He hadn't let himself think about it until now, but Dean wanted his old self back. He wanted to feel like him.

He finally pushed the door open, and all the memories he knew would be there came flooding into his mind. His gaze passed over the desk that was decorated with pictures of his family, the personal touches he had added when he settled in here the first time.

He looked at the wall of weapons which most people wouldn't have been sentimental about, but Dean wasn't most people. He saw his first shotgun, the ax he had brought back from Purgatory the first time. Sitting on the bedside table was his favorite gun, and Dean wondered if Sam had left it there for him on purpose. He ran his hand over the pearl handle and couldn't help imagining all the times he'd used it before when he was just a normal human hunting monsters.

Now he was the monster. Now he was the thin lurking in the dark.

Dean turned out the lights and climbed in bed, hoping the dreams would leave him alone for just a little while.

**~oOo~**

Castiel found himself choking down stale coffee in the library after everyone had gone off to other parts of the bunker. Charlie was still sitting at her computer with stacks of old books piled around her. Some were about vampires, some about angels. She was still trying to save everyone with research. It was the best hope they had at this point, so he couldn't really fault her for that.

"You look tired," she said, suddenly looking up from her work.

It took Castiel a moment before he realized she was talking to him. "I—oh. I suppose it's just the long trip."

Charlie flipped open one of the books, and its cover hit the table with a thud. "It's your grace," she said. "I've read all there is on it, and you're not supposed to be tired. The best I can tell, you're stuck somewhere halfway between being an angel and... not."

"And being dead," Castiel clarified. "So I'm like some sort of—"

"Zombie? Yeah. Without all the gross, brain-eating stuff."

"Um... thank you?"

"It's not an exact comparison. The point is... I don't really know what you are. I mean, part of you is still an angel, but part of you isn't, and it seems to be getting worse."

Castiel merely nodded. He knew he didn't have long.

"The problem is, I've got no clue what to do," Charlie went on. "There just isn't enough information about angels. You guys are a secretive bunch."

"Thank you, Charlie," Castiel said. "I know you've done your best, which is more than I ever asked for."

"This doesn't concern you just a little?" Charlie had clearly picked up on Castiel's resignation. "I know everyone around here seems to be in a habit of dying and coming back, but that's not guarantee of anything."

Castiel shook his head. "No, I don't expect to come back this time."

Charlie stared at him for a second before closing her computer and moving over to sit beside him. "You're just gonna die?" she asked. "Just like that? What happened to that fighting spirit? You know, the one that made you drag souls out of Hell and fight the devil and the archangels?"

Castiel gazed curiously at Charlie. "I did all of that for Dean, not myself," he said. "Everything good I've ever done has been for Dean. So dying will be too."

"But—but don't you think you should live for him? I mean, he needs you."

"Yes." Castiel nodded. "But what he needs from me is everything I can give before I die. Sometimes... sometimes carrying on the fight doesn't mean avoiding death at all costs. Sometimes, it means facing it and accepting it."

"There has to be a way," Charlie argued. "We can't just give up."

"I don't expect you too. And I'm sure Dean will do his best to prevent the most likely outcome, but I do not expect to be saved. That's not the point."

"What is the point?"

"Saving the world. That's what it's always been. That's what Dean will always do—with or without me."

**~oOo~**

Emma was beginning to think she could get used to Jody's cooking. It wasn't as if she'd had a lot of experience with good food in her extremely short life, but she knew it when she tasted it. The refrigerator and pantry were fully stocked with all kinds of delicious things. Sitting at the kitchen table, Emma could almost think that things were going to be okay.

But when she walked back out into the hallway, she was reminded of the growing tension she had been feeling ever since she returned to the world. She could smell them. Their stench was all over everything.

Men.

Emma tried to shrug it off, to tell herself that she didn't care about that anymore, but she was still an Amazon. She still had a strong desire to kill—or at least seriously maim—anything that peed standing up. She had handled it all right so far. The ride from Seattle had almost frayed her last nerve. Being stuck in a car with four of them had definitely tested her patience. Castiel didn't exactly count, since he was an angel, but he was in a man's body, so he was still mildly irritating. Dean was the worst. He had always been the worst. Back in Purgatory she had seen him in a more neutral light, even had some fleeting connections with him, but here he was the embodiment of all Emma was supposed to hate.

Getting to the bunker was a bit of a reprieve. Part of the reason Emma had gone off to the kitchen was to not be completely surrounded by men. She was grateful that there were a few females around to help take the edge off.

Jody and Annie were so normal. Emma heard about Annie being turned into a vampire and then cured, but aside from that, there was nothing abnormal about them. And they didn't treat Emma like she was a monster either. Jody fixed her a plate of food and asked where she was from and how the trip had been. Emma left out the parts about Dean being her father. He could deal with that if he wanted to, and she couldn't really talk about him without feeling very violent.

After a while, Emma decided to explore a little. It had been a long time since she was really alone, and when she was in Purgatory, she had appreciated the company, but back on Earth she needed some time to herself. The bunker seemed endless as she walked through the halls. Being underground for so long was a bit uncomfortable, but there were plenty of lights and the hallways were wide and easy to navigate. Initially, Emma thought she might get lost if she went too far, but everything was laid out in a recognizable pattern, so she always knew where she was.

Along the way, Emma discovered lots of storage rooms and archives full of information on every monster imaginable. There were case files of different encounters and lots of supernatural objects. Emma found the shooting range and the weapons locker.

On her way back toward the library and the heavy scent of male, Emma ran into Charlie who was just coming out of the archive room.

"Oh, hi," she said. "Did you get lost."

"No." Emma shrugged. "I was just looking around."

Charlie smiled. "It's awesome, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's perfect for a bunch of hunters, I suppose."

"Right. Dean told me about how you're an Amazon." The two of them began walking back up the hallway. "But you know, it seems like hunters are beginning to discriminate less against supernatural creatures. I mean, it's not as if you're going around killing people."

"No," Emma said absently. "A lot of your friends aren't human."

"Just my luck. It's not so bad though. It's much better than being Leviathan food, which is what I'd have been if I never met Dean and Sam."

"And they rescued you?"

"I like to think I had a hand in my own rescue, but they did clue me in on what was going on. Let's just say it was teamwork."

"That seems to be the word of the day. Everyone's here because they want to fight this vampire Alpha, and I'm... well, I don't really know why I'm here."

"Because Dean's here." Charlie nodded, almost to herself. "To be honest, I think that's the real reason most of us are."

They walked into the library, and Charlie set down the stack of books and files she had been carrying. She still had piles of other documents filling up the table, but she proceeded to go through the new ones bit by bit. It looked like a lot of work.

"Can I help with anything?" Emma asked.

Charlie looked up at her and offered two books. "You want vampires or angels?"

Emma took the vampire book, and opened the front cover. The thing was probably a few hundred years old by the looks of it, and she was afraid it might fall apart in her hands.

"Make note of anything useful," Charlie said, handing Emma a notepad and pencil. "Especially if it has to do with the Alpha or vampire hierarchy. I know it's like being back in school, but we need all the information we can get."

"That's okay," Emma said, picking up the pencil. "I never went to school anyway."

* * *

**I can't believe I did this again. I had the chapter all ready to go, but I forgot to add it to the story. :P Also, when I started writing this, I didn't know that Annie was going to be called Alex because I hadn't seen the last episode with Jody, so for my purposes, she's called Annie, but it's the same person.**


	23. The Weakest Link

**Chapter Twenty-Two "The Weakest Link"  
**

The dream came back, only this time it was longer, drawn out as if Dean's consciousness were savoring the feeling of tearing Cas to shreds. He woke with a gasp, soaked with sweat and thirsty. His throat felt like someone had run sandpaper up and down it a few times. He got up and went to the bathroom for a drink of water, but it didn't help. He needed something else.

Dean slid down to the cool tile floor and rested his head in his hands. He could smell the sharp, salty odor of his own sweat, but it did nothing to distract him from another scent. The only sensation that seemed to matter anymore. Dean could almost taste it.

He shook himself and tried to think of _anything_ else. This couldn't keep happening. He couldn't become this.

But Dean couldn't see any other options. The only thing that might keep Cas safe would be going back to Heaven. He would be out of Dean's reach there. The thought of it made Dean feel sick—or maybe that was the thirst. But the very fact that Cas would need to get away from him left Dean questioning everything. Was he even Dean anymore if he dreamed of killing his best friend and gave into drinking his blood?

There was no answer to that question, nor any of the other myriad wonderings that filtered through Dean's mind. He didn't know how he was supposed to save anyone like this, curled up on the bathroom floor, afraid to leave because of what he might do.

Dean never thought it was possible to hate himself more than he always had. This was something else though, this was worse. At least before he could say that he always tried to protect the people he cared about. Now he was doing exactly the opposite, and he couldn't hide it. He couldn't say it was all for some greater good. Dean wasn't even sure he knew what "good" was. But he knew what it wasn't. And he knew he was the embodiment of what good _wasn't_.

Eventually, Dean would have to get up off the floor and leave his bedroom, but at the moment, he wasn't sure how he was going to manage that. He couldn't even seem to muster the energy to take a shower. He knew he was weak because he hadn't had anything to drink in three days. He knew he would have to soon. He told himself he could handle it. He could live on refrigerated blood like Benny did. Cas would be safe from him.

But from that first drink all those months ago, Cas had never been safe from Dean. And he never would be.

**~oOo~**

Sam slept a few hours before waking. He almost felt like he could drift off again, but then he wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Not that he foresaw himself getting much sleep in the near future at all, but he liked to keep as regular a schedule as he could.

He found Charlie and Emma still working in the library. Cas was sitting at one of the other tables with a half-drunk cup of coffee sitting next to his hands. He was staring off into space like he had done a lot during the time Dean was gone. Sam knew it was mostly because of the fading grace messing with Cas' concentration, but he had a feeling there was more to this.

Sam walked past the girls, grateful that they ignored his presence. He noticed that Emma was working away diligently at a pile of vampire books and case files, making copious notes. She had certainly picked up the fine art of research rather quickly.

When Sam reached Cas, he wasn't surprised that the angel didn't acknowledge his arrival. He sat down across the table and tried to decipher just which faraway look of Cas' this was. But it was no use. Cas looked the same way he always looked when he wasn't mentally present. Sam almost didn't want to interrupt him, but he needed to.

"Cas?" Sam said quietly.

There was no reaction.

Sam cleared his throat. "Cas."

The angel blinked several times before meeting Sam's gaze. "Oh, yes Sam?"

"You okay?"

"I am as well as can be expected for someone who is dying."

Sam rubbed his neck absently. "Uh, yeah... Any news on that?"

"Charlie has been looking into it. There's no cure. No way to fix it."

Sam let out a sigh and ran his hand over his face. "So that's it? I mean... that _can't_ be it."

Cas nodded slowly. "I'm afraid it is. I don't know how much time I have, but I hope to make the best use of it."

Sam shook his head. "Dean's not gonna let this go."

"Dean has a world to save. My life is of no consequence in the scheme of things."

"But it is 'of consequence' to Dean. He won't let you die."

Sam had to say this out loud, as if to make himself believe it. His worries about Dean and Cas' "arrangement" had been growing since that morning at the gas station, and he had to think that Dean would do the right thing. Whatever that was.

"You can't die, Cas," Sam added quietly. "You just can't."

Cas stood up, and it almost seemed as if he hadn't heard Sam, though the younger Winchester was certain that he did.

"I should see how Dean is doing," Cas said. "He seemed to be having some difficulty... adjusting."

Sam stared grimly at Cas, but the angel would no longer look him in the eye. "I know," he said solemnly. "I hope you know what you're doing."

Cas did not respond as he pushed his chair back into the table and left the library. There was something different about the way he walked now, even than before Dean came back. He was deflated, weak. Sam wished there was something he could do to fix all this, but he felt like he had just made things worse by bringing Dean back.

**~oOo~**

Castiel moved through the quiet hallways toward Dean's room. He knew why Dean had been absent for so long. He had been expecting this to come. Even in his weakened state, Castiel's borrowed grace was powerful enough to keep Dean going for a few days, but it couldn't last forever. Dean needed more.

Castiel found his friend sitting on the bathroom floor with his knees tucked into his chest and his head between his hands. It reminded Castiel vividly of when Dean was first turned. With a little imagination, he could see the abandoned basement, the concrete walls, and smell the foul stench of Dean's stomach contents on the floor.

Shaking off the memory, Castiel moved closer to Dean. He was already feeling exhausted, but he had promised himself he would do whatever it took to help his friend.

"Stop," Dean said suddenly, in a voice Castiel barely recognized. "Don't come near me."

He didn't look up or show any sign that he had seen Castiel. He didn't have to.

"I want to help you, Dean," Castiel said softly. "You don't have to suffer."

Dean dropped his hands and his head raised up. He met Castiel's gaze with bloodshot eyes. "Help me?" Dean's voice was more of a growl now. "I'll kill you, Cas. If I keep—" Dean halted, as if he couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence.

"I'm going to die anyway," Castiel said, taking a step closer to Dean. "There's no way to save me. I might as well get some use out of the life I have left."

Dean rested his head against the wall. He let out a long, shaky breath and his eyes slid shut. "You need to go," he said. "Somewhere I can't find you. Then you'll be safe."

Castiel shook his head, even though he knew Dean wasn't looking. "I'm not leaving you. I've made my choice."

"I can't do this, Cas!" Dean looked at him again with a familiar pain in his eyes. "I don't want you to die."

Castiel took another step and sunk to the floor in his knees in front of Dean. "What's happening to me is of my own making. There's no reversing it now. Even your dependence on my blood is my fault. I gave it to you."

Castiel could sense the growing tension in Dean. He was so thirsty, and it was becoming harder to resist. Castiel wished Dean knew he didn't have to. He wouldn't hold it against him.

Castiel pulled his jacket off and rolled up his sleeve. There was still a faint red mark on his wrist from the first time Dean drank his blood. He was healing much slower than he used to, but at least he was still healing. That meant he had some time left.

Dean watched Castiel with a mixture of anticipation and disgust in his expression.

"I'm not going to die tomorrow," Castiel said. "I could have months left."

"I came back to save you," Dean said. "To save everyone."

"You will save everyone, Dean." Castiel held out his arm. "I will help you do that."

"But not you," Dean said. "You don't think I can save you."

"No one can save me."

"I will." Dean's gaze turned hard. "All this means nothing if I don't save you to. I'm not leaving you like this."

Dean took Castiel's arm in a vise-like grip, and Castiel had to resist trying to pull away. A little pain was worth the help it would give Dean.

Castiel nodded slowly. "Whatever happens, Dean, I'll be with you to the end."

"I'll save you," Dean whispered, almost to himself before biting down on Castiel's arm.

The pain radiated from his wrist to his shoulder, but Castiel refused to show even the slightest hesitation. He knew Dean probably wasn't aware of anything but the grace infused blood flooding his system, but just in case, Castiel kept his face expressionless and his body relaxed. He could never let Dean know that it felt like his soul was being sucked out of him bit by bit. Not that he had a soul, and the borrowed grace had always felt a bit foreign, but it was all he had. He couldn't have imagined a better cause to give up his life for, but that didn't make it easy.

**~oOo~**

After his visit from Cas, Dean took a shower. It didn't make him feel any better, but he couldn't remember the last time he had been clean, so it was necessary. He spent too long in there, but he had never seen a single water bill for this place, so he didn't worry about it too much.

When he got out of the shower and wiped some of the fog from the mirror. What he saw looking back at him was not himself. His eyes seemed darker and set deeper into his face. His skin was pale and clammy. But there was something else, something Dean couldn't quite put his finger on. Something on the inside that showed on the outside.

Dean knew everyone else could see it too. He had the uncomfortable feeling that others knew what was going on. Sam had been suspicious three days ago, and Benny probably was too. The thought of them knowing twisted Dean's stomach in knots. He hated what he was doing, and he knew they would too. And well they should.

After getting dressed and leaving the bathroom, Dean realized that he would have to face whatever was going to come. If Sam knew, Dean wasn't going to bring it up first. Same with Benny. Dean had work to do, and he wasn't going to let himself get distracted if he didn't have to.

As he headed down the hallway, Dean could hear voices coming from the library. It sounded like Charlie was recruiting more researchers. That was probably a good thing. When he came into the room, Dean was surprised to see that everyone was there. Sam and Benny were sitting at the furthest table, deep in conversation. Charlie was giving directions to Emma and Annie to find different materials in the archives. Jody and Cas were seated in one of the alcoves off to the side talking as well. There was food on the middle table, and it looked like everyone was just finishing lunch. Dean stared a little longer at the plate of sandwiches, and suddenly wished he could eat again. He missed the joy of food. It was a small thing that for the moment seemed incredibly important.

Emma and Annie headed off down the hallway, but as they left, Dean felt a sudden coldness coming from Emma. He had noticed things had been strange with her since they got back to Earth, but this was worse. If there hadn't been a bunch of people around, Dean might have asked her what was going on, but he didn't want to deal with it now.

"Have a nice nap?" Charlie asked, going back to her computer.

"Sure," Dean said absently. "I see you got yourself some little minions."

Charlie grinned. "I've always wanted minions."

"Are they actually helping?"

Her smile faded. "As much as anything can."

Dean pushed a couple of books around, looking at titles. They were all about angels or vampires. Dean shouldn't have been surprised that Charlie was trying to help Cas too. It gave him a boost of confidence that he wasn't going to be alone in his quest to save the angel.

"I take it you're not getting much on the grace situation."

Charlie gave Dean a sympathetic look. "Not really. Angels are notoriously underrepresented in the research. I think if we had that tablet you guys talked about..."

"Wouldn't work without a prophet."

"Yeah... It just seems like there should be a backup plan."

Dean thought about that for a second. "You may be onto something there."

"What do you mean?"

"The tablet requires a prophet to read, but Metatron got rid of all the prophets."

"So, we're still stuck."

"No, because Metatron locked up Heaven. No one can get in." Dean knew he sounded far more excited than his statements seemed to warrant.

"I'm still not seeing a solution here."

"Kevin is a ghost."

"Who?"

"The last prophet. When he died, Heaven was closed, so he's stuck in the veil, and we know where he is."

"But how's that gonna work?" Charlie crossed her arms and rested them on the table. "I mean, can a ghost still do the same stuff a living human could?"

"It's worth a try, isn't it."

"Okay, then how do we get the tablet? Cas said it was broken."

"Let's hope Gadreel saved the pieces, then."

"He doesn't like you though, does he?"

"Probably not, but if it's to save Cas? He might just help us."

Charlie shrugged. "So let's do it. How do we find Gadreel?"

Dean smiled. "We send the angel."

**~oOo~**

Sam had never considered the complexities that were involved in being a vampire. He knew about the Alpha's telepathic abilities, but listening to Benny describe the feeling gave him a greater appreciation for the difficulties vampires faced. Dean had mentioned some of these things offhandedly after his first experience being a vampire, but he hadn't wanted to go into it. Benny was more open and more eloquent. Sam could almost feel it himself as he heard the details.

"There's a reason the Alpha calls himself our father," Benny said. "You understand the generational differences. The further you are from the Alpha, the less concerned he is with you."

"How far are you?" Sam asked.

"Two generations," Benny said.

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Benny nodded. "The Old Man, as we called him, was the one who turned me. He was turned by the Alpha."

"So you're closer than most."

"Which means I'm more susceptible."

"How?"

"The Alpha's mind control affects his immediate descendants more than those further removed."

"But Dean has some powers as well. Do you think he can counteract the Alpha?"

"I'm counting on it."

"You really trust him, don't you?"

"He's never given me a reason not to."

Sam nodded. "You gave up a lot coming back with him."

"I didn't give up anything," Benny said firmly, almost as if to make himself believe it. "Except maybe some time. Dean says he's gonna do something, he does. He'll get Lenore out."

Sam smiled faintly. "Yeah, you're right about that. He's got a knack for pulling off the impossible." He looked over to where Dean was having an animated conversation with Charlie. The thought of his brother actually getting excited about something gave Sam a sense of hope he hadn't had in a long time.

"I understand why you came," Benny said, reclaiming Sam's attention.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked. He thought it was pretty obvious, but the way Benny said it made it seem like more than that.

Benny gestured toward Sam's arm. He had been resting his elbows on the table, and his sleeves were rolled up, leaving several scars clearly visible. Sam reflexively pulled his arms off the table.

Benny raised his eyebrows. "Sooner or later, they get more than a piece of you," he said. "And there's no shame in being afraid. You need someone who can do the things a nice human can't."

Sam let out a snort of derision. "Yeah, _nice_ humans."

"Laugh it off, but you know I'm right."

"Yeah, I guess." Sam nodded, running his thumb over the scars on his wrist. "I was gonna wind up dead or worse if things kept going the way they were."

Benny watched Sam with a knowing look in his eyes. It was beginning to make Sam feel uncomfortable, but he knew there was no hiding what had happened to him.

With a sigh, he told Benny everything: "I almost died... more times than I can count, but one in particular. Cas gave up a lot of power to save me. I came out of it with a concussion and a few new bitemarks. For a while I—I kind of gave up. Until someone reminded me of what Dean would have said. He's always motivated me. Maybe it's unrealistic, but I guess I think with him here, we've got a chance. I've got a chance."

Benny nodded slowly. "Dean's like a force of nature. Always has been."

As if on cue, Dean's voice resounded through the library, calling everyone to attention.

"I've got a plan," he said. "Sam, do you still have Mrs. Tran's phone number?

* * *

**It's a Christmas miracle! An early chapter! Mostly because I was late two weeks in a row. I hope everyone is having a good holiday, or just a good day in general if you don't celebrate it.**


	24. The Girl Who Waited

**Chapter Twenty-Three "The Girl Who Waited"**

As soon as Sam had gone through the portal, the mass of swirling ether dissipated, leaving only the empty forest and the two women standing there.

Meg wasn't the least bit surprised. The portal had been for Dean—in fact, she was pretty sure he had made it subconsciously. It made sense that it would disappear once he was gone.

The bigger question was what to do now. Before, Meg had something of a goal: helping Dean. But Dean didn't need her anymore. He had all he wanted. He wouldn't be coming back.

Meg began walking in the direction that led out of the forest, out of the mountains, back to where the monsters were.

"Do you think we should stay close?" Lenore asked as she walked alongside Meg.

"What for?" Meg replied.

"So they can find us again."

Meg almost laughed, but it wasn't funny. It was sad. Lenore really thought someone was going to save her.

"They're not coming back," Meg said. "Not on purpose anyway."

Lenore stopped and put her hand on Meg's shoulder. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "They said they would."

"Except we both know that's impossible. And maybe you haven't noticed this, but Dean Winchester has a way of taking away everything you love because everyone is so damn loyal to him. Your boyfriend was always going to follow him. Maybe promising to save you makes them feel better about leaving you behind, but it's not gonna change anything."

Lenore shook her head. "I don't think you really understand."

"Don't I? Do you know what happened to Dean's little brother? Not Sam, the other one, Adam. He's trapped in the devil's cage for all eternity. Dean doesn't care about anything except Sam, and his friends are loyal only to him. That's how it works. You have no idea how hard I tried—"

Lenore raised her eyebrows. "Tried what?"

Meg shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Dean's not coming for us, and no one else will either."

"Castiel," Lenore said matter-of-factly. "I head Dean mention him to you a couple of times. You know, just because you had to deal with a case of unrequited love doesn't mean I am."

Meg's eye's widened, and she flicked her fingers toward Lenore, sending the vampire flying into the trees.

"I never said he didn't love me," Meg said calmly.

Lenore slowly picked herself up and scrambled out of the underbrush, looking dirty and bruised, with twigs stuck in her hair and clothes.

She brushed herself off and picked up her fallen knife. "You do seem rather touchy about it though," she said nonchalantly.

"Love isn't the issue," Meg said. "Dean comes first. He always will."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. Imagine your knight in shining armor is coming back to rescue you if it makes you feel better. But you know the important thing about mating for life? It's that last word—life."

Lenore looked Meg in the eye. "I suppose you don't really believe in anyone, do you? You can't imagine anyone wanting to save you. I know what it is to live a lonely and cold existence, but I do not think it must always be that way."

Meg smirked. "You're still so human. I haven't been that way since—well, I don't know if I ever was. And maybe your prince charming is like you, but I'm not counting on it."

Lenore looked away, and a trickle of blood fell down her cheek from a scrape on her forehead. "He has a name," she said softly.

"None of that matters now. All of them, they might as well not exist."

"I can't believe that. They're out there. They matter."

"Stay if you want," Meg said, turning to walk away. "I'm gonna go find something interesting to do."

Lenore followed Meg. "They'll find us wherever we are," she said.

Meg was surprised, but she didn't let it show. No one ever really followed her. Maybe Lenore just didn't want to be alone.

**~oOo~**

Lenore knew there was little point to all the moving around Meg wanted to do, but it kept them busy. It sharpened their skills that had fallen into disuse on the other side of the valley where nothing dared go. Lenore did wonder if the disappearance of the portal would result in an increase of activity in the dark forest, but it still took them a couple of days walking to run into any monsters.

It came as quite a shock when the two werewolves burst through the trees and came at them. Things had be so quiet for so long that Lenore had begun to imagine it would stay that way. But this was Purgatory, and the calm couldn't last.

Of course, this was what Meg wanted. She had become bored with the peaceful existence they had and wanted to kill something. Under other circumstances, Lenore might have discouraged such an inclination, but it was a normal desire to have in a place like this. Especially for a demon. Lenore knew she was the exception here, the one monster who didn't want to kill anyone if she didn't have to. But that didn't mean she didn't know how.

The first werewolf flew at her, all teeth and claws, and Lenore barely had time to draw her knife and slice upward as the creature landed on her. He had probably been a teenager before he was turned because he wasn't much bigger than Lenore. But he was certainly strong. His weight knocked her to the ground as his claws sunk into her arms. She stifled a cry as she shoved her knife into his chest. He let out an earsplitting howl and pulled back, ripping through Lenore's flesh as he went.

Lenore held onto her knife which was stuck between the werewolf's ribs. He tried to swat her away, and she ducked under his claws. They were on their knees now, facing each other. The werewolf's blood was making the knife handle slippery. He swung again, and managed to land a glancing blow off Lenore's neck. She rolled to the side, and pulled as hard as she could on the knife, tearing it free of the werewolf's chest, and eliciting another agonized cry.

Lenore readjusted her grip on the knife and got to her feet, read to attack. The werewolf was choking up blood and trying to keep his insides from falling out. Lenore almost felt sorry for him, except that he was trying to kill her, and she knew a little disemboweling wouldn't kill a werewolf.

He turned to face her and growled through bloodstained teeth. Lenore balanced on the balls of her feet, ready to dodge or duck. The werewolf struggled to his feet and staggered toward her. It was actually a little bit pathetic, but Lenore knew better than to underestimate a wounded monster. There was still fight in him. So, this time, she made the first move. Knowing her arms were her weak point, Lenore dodged to the side and jumped of a nearby tree trunk, landing on the werewolf's back. Her legs wrapped around his ribcage, and she squeezed as hard as she could while simultaneously bringing her knife up to his throat. He thrashed and clawed at her, but Lenore held on, feeling bones cracking between her knees and blood soaking her hands from the werewolf's jugular. She threw her weight backward, digging the knife further into his throat. She felt it stick in his spine and stop. It wasn't sharp enough to go all the way through.

The werewolf fell back, and Lenore let go, rolling to the side. She was ready to leap at him again and retrieve her knife from his neck, but he wasn't in any condition to fight anymore, convulsing and bleeding out.

Lenore shook some of the blood of her hands and knelt on the werewolf's chest to keep him down. His throat was making an awful gurgling noise, but it wouldn't be for long. Lenore pulled out her knife with a little effort and set it aside. She put her hands on either side of his head and twisted with as much force as she could manage. His neck broke with a sickening crack, and Lenore pulled back, ripping his head the rest of the way from his body.

Lenore gingerly got up off the werewolf's body and tossed the head aside. She imagined there must be a less bloody way to go about things, but it was finally done. Meg had just finished off her own opponent was was standing a short distance away, staring.

"Well," she said. "You sure showed him."

Lenore sighed. "It didn't exactly go as planned."

Meg shrugged. "I'd have helped, but I was having too much fun."

Lenore peeled her jacket off to get a look at her arms. She had a feeling they would be hurting for a while along with the claw marks on her neck.

Meg made a hissing noise. "Ouch," she said. "Need some help there?"

Lenore looked up with a grimace. "There are bandages in my pack, but we should find water to clean this up first."

Meg nodded. "I heard some a couple miles back. Assuming you're not going to bleed to death by then."

"Vampires can't bleed to death."

"How does that work exactly? I mean, you're still physical beings. Well, not here, but—"

"Can we talk about the metaphysics later?"

"Yeah, sure."

Meg started off in the direction of the nearest water source, and Lenore followed. It would be an unpleasant walk, but she would be okay. So long as they didn't run into anything else that wanted to kill them along the way.

**~oOo~**

A good fight had energized Meg in a way she hadn't felt in a long time. There was the downside of Lenore being injured, but it could have been worse. It wasn't as if Meg cared that much what happened to the female vampire, but she was the only companion there was to be had, and she wasn't so bad. She didn't talk too much, and she pulled her own weight. And though she tried to hide it, Meg could see that Lenore had once been a leader of something. She was always preparing for every situation, strategizing and analyzing everything. She didn't assert a sense of authority, but Meg had a feeling she could if she wanted to.

It wasn't difficult to follow the sound of water once they caught it. Lenore had better hearing than Meg did anyway, so she took the lead at that point. Even though she didn't complain about her injuries, Meg was sure they must have been causing her a lot of pain. There was a steady stream of blood coming down her arms, and Lenore had to keep shaking it off her hands, which were already stained red from the werewolf. Altogether she looked like something out of a horror movie, minus the fakeness.

By the time they reached the stream, Lenore was looking paler than usual, and she sunk to her knees beside the water as if she couldn't go any further. Meg had been carrying the pack, so she set it on a nearby rock and began digging through it for bandages. Meanwhile, Lenore started cleaning her wounds. She took off her bloody shirt as well and weighed it down with a few rocks under the water. Meg noticed that there were a couple of extra shirts in the pack that Lenore had taken from something that hadn't bled too much when it died.

Meg found the bandages and moved to join Lenore by the stream. Much of the blood was gone now, but there was still more coming. Meg could see the scratches in Lenore's left arm, and they were long and deep. The wound on her neck wasn't as bad, though. Lenore pulled her hair away from her left side, and held out her arm toward Meg.

This was the part Meg had always managed to avoid before. When someone got hurt, Lenore or Benny would take care of it. Or even Dean. Meg just wasn't much of a nurturer in spite of her stint as a nurse. That was a special case. But she had offered to help, and Meg wasn't about to back out now. She started wrapping the bandage and was surprised when Lenore started humming.

"This is fun for you?" Meg asked.

Lenore made a face that was a mix of a smirk and a grimace. "Just remembering something," she said.

"Oh? You've had a lot of experience with bloody wounds?"

"Yes, actually. This is how I met Benny. Except he was the one bleeding."

"Of course," Meg muttered. "Save a guy's life and you can't help falling in love with him."

"It might have had something to do with him quoting poetry and being a genuinely nice person—ow!"

Meg shrugged. "My level of tension is in direct correlation to the amount of sentimentality in the air. I'd apologize, but..."

"You're not sorry," Lenore finished. "Would you rather not talk?"

"Probably. It's hard enough to concentrate here."

Lenore fell silent, setting her mouth in a firm line. Meg could understand the fact that she was talking to avoid thinking about the pain, and technically, she hadn't even started the conversation. Meg shouldn't have been surprised at the turn it took either. Lenore had happy memories and hope. Why wouldn't she talk about it?

It took more time than it should have to finish wrapping up Lenore's wounds and find her a clean shirt to wear. They would have to rest for a while before moving on again. Meg didn't like the thought of sitting still for any period of time, but she couldn't exactly complain, since she was the one who wanted more action in the first place.

Lenore finished washing out her clothes and hung them over a tree branch before finding a spot that was shielded by trees to sit down.

"So you like poetry," Meg said, standing with her back to a tree and twirling her spear around in her hands.

"Yes," Lenore replied. "It was either that or get annoyed every time someone pointed out that I'm named after an Edgar Allen Poe character."

"That could get annoying. Did Poe write about vampires?"

"I don't think so. His stories were mostly about humans being horrible to each other."

"But not the one your name comes from. Isn't it about some guy who gets haunted by a raven?"

"It's about lost love."

"Well that might be even more fitting than the vampire thing."

"I guess we'll see." Lenore leaned her head back against a tree and closed her eyes as if to say the conversation was over.

"Do you think he misses you?" Meg asked anyway.

Lenore opened one eye to look at Meg. "Are we still on that?" she asked.

"What else is there to talk about?"

"I thought you didn't like talking."

"I'm moody."

"Fine." Lenore sat up again and gave Meg her full attention. "I've known Benny for over a year, and you get pretty close when all you have is that one person. We figured out early on that we didn't stand much of a chance on our own, and I think we both believed that we would go down together when it came to that. But there were plenty of times when we weren't fighting or treating each other's wounds. So, do I think he misses me? All attempts at modesty aside, yes. I know he does. Because I miss him, and there's something about spending that much time with someone—you get on the same wavelength."

Meg nodded and ran her thumb across the sharp edge of her stone spearhead. "But feelings change."

"Of course they do." Lenore sounded surprised that Meg even needed to say so. "But love isn't just a feeling. It's a choice. You can't afford to be too emotional down here. It'll get you killed. But love can keep you alive. It's not sentiment; it's a force."

"Sounds like you've had a lot of experience."

"I don't know. I had pretty much given up before I met Benny. But he needed my help, and that was the first time in I don't know how long that I was able to do something good."

"Maybe that's it then." Meg stared off toward the stream. "Maybe we can do amazing things when someone needs us to. But what happens when no one needs you? When you've got no purpose?"

"You find one. Like right now? My purpose is staying intact until they can find us a way out of here."

"What if they aren't coming? Or what if they can't?"

"If you had even the slightest hint of a chance at redemption, wouldn't you take it?"

Meg looked back at Lenore, suddenly feeling as if the vampire had been reading her thoughts. "I've crawled out of Hell for less," she said.

Lenore smiled weakly. "Then you've got nothing to worry about."

**~oOo~**

After a day's rest, Lenore was ready to move again, and she and Meg began to follow the stream in the direction they had been going the day before. It was slightly uphill and the bank was crowded with ferns and young trees, so they had to find a clearer path away from the water. They kept its sound within range though because it was the easiest trail to follow for any length of time.

They spent much of their time in silence, but Lenore knew the times they did talk were significant. Meg didn't say anything in a completely straightforward manner. There were always layers of meaning to everything she said. Most of it had something to do with the Winchesters. Lenore didn't know the whole story, but she was aware that Meg had initially been their enemy, but something changed. She switched sides. She seemed like the sort of person to ally with the most beneficial people, but that didn't explain why she had stuck with them so long when she didn't have to.

Except for Castiel. Meg's connection to him made everything else clear. She helped Dean because Castiel cared about Dean. It sounded like the same reasoning Benny gave for helping Sam the time he got stuck in Purgatory.

Of course, why Meg had fallen for the angel was still a mystery, but Lenore knew that sometimes those things happened against all odds. There didn't have to be an explanation for it to be real. But all that just made Meg's resigned attitude all the more sad. This demon who had probably never loved anything in her life was seemingly forever separated from the one being she did love.

Lenore remembered when she had first given up hope of ever finding her first mate. She did hope that whatever came after Purgatory, Charles wasn't suffering. It was the only thing she could still hope for him. But meeting Benny had changed her outlook on loss. Maybe some people would only ever love one person, but if that were the case, she suspected they would always find a way back to each other, much like Sam and Dean always did. For herself, Lenore was capable of loving many, but she hadn't given up yet. She never gave up on her own even when they abandoned her.

In some ways, Lenore thought she had it easy. Believing there was an end to the pain she was feeling now allowed her to keep going, to not feel as bad as she would if she were still as hopeless as she had been a year ago. She could forget that a werewolf had almost torn her arms off, and even what she had done to him out of self preservation. Because she was waiting, and she believed her waiting would pay off.

Three days passed before even the most remotely interesting thing happened. There had been hints of other creatures, but none came close. Even with the portal gone, Lenore had a feeling it would take a while before they ran into much monster traffic.

It was some time mid-morning on the third day when Lenore saw something reflective in the trees across a small valley that dipped down into a ravine.

"You see that?" Lenore pointed toward the object.

Meg looked up and squinted. "See what?"

"I don't know. Maybe something metallic. You can't see it?"

"I see trees. Lots of trees."

"We should go check it out."

Meg looked at the terrain with a critical eye. "Yeah, let's just fly over there."

"It's not as if we have anything better to do."

"Than falling and breaking our necks?"

"You don't have a neck. You're a spiritual being."

"It's metaphorical."

"Come on. It might be something important."

"Or a trap."

"Then I'm luck I have you watching my back."

"Sure. Why am I protecting you again?"

"Because deep down, you're a nice person."

"Ha. Guess again."

"You're trying to be good in spite of your nature?"

"Closer. Whatever, let's go and get this over with."

Lenore lead the way down the slope. There weren't too many trees there which was good because it was a steep hike and the ground was lumpy enough as it was. There didn't seem to be an end to the ravine, and it would take half a day to walk around. But Lenore found a narrow spot to jump. Meg could just zap to the other side, but Lenore still had to go the old fashioned way.

Once they had reached the other side, they slowly climbed up the opposite slope and reached the tree with the funny reflective thing in it.

"Do you see it now?" Lenore asked, looking straight up.

Meg glared at the spot. "Yeah, but I don't think it's metallic. It's too white."

Up close, Lenore could see that she was right. The thing was more glowing than reflecting. Which just made it more interesting.

"I'm going to climb up and see," Lenore said. "I assume you'll keep an eye out."

"What else am I good for?" Meg snarked.

Lenore ignored the bitter humor and quickly found a branch low enough to grab ahold of. The tree was old and some of the branches were dead, so Lenore had to be careful where she stepped. As she climbed higher, the branches became thicker and obstructed her view. She knew the glowing light was near the top, and she hoped the tree would bear her weight that high up.

It took a while to climb the old pine tree, and Lenore was beginning to think they would lose half the day anyway. She finally started getting to where the branches thinned out again, and worried that she might not be able to make it all the way to the top.

That's when she saw it. The glow was coming from a round portal that emanated a fiery white light. It rested above the last tree branch that Lenore thought she could safely stand on. As if it were there for someone to climb to.

Lenore looked down, and instantly wished she hadn't. Meg was about the size of a skipping stone on the ground below.

"I think you need to get up here!" Lenore called as loudly as she could.

Meg glanced upward and then zapped out. Thankfully, she appeared on the branch next to Lenore instead of the same one.

"Well," Meg said. "You don't see that every day."

"Where do you think it leads?"

"Judging from the looks? I have no idea."

"Do you think it could be...?"

"Dean? No, it doesn't feel like him. He's more... complicated."

"Okay, then what is it? And should we take it?"

"You know when you stand somewhere high up and feel the urge to jump? I'm all for that. But there's no sure way of getting back. The question is, do you want to risk it?"

Lenore looked up at the portal again. She couldn't help thinking there was a reason it was there, that she needed to take the chance because it might have been the only one she had. She looked back at Meg and smiled.

"Let's do it," she said.

Meg smiled back. "After you."

Lenore climbed the last couple of branches up to the portal and stared into the blinding white depths. She wasn't afraid of where she might end up. On the contrary, she was exhilarated about the possibilities, that she might finally get out of this place she had once believed would be her home for eternity. She stood to her full height and stepped out on the branch, and the forest faded away.

* * *

**Happy New Year, everybody! I hope you all had a nice time. As always, thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear what you think of the story.**


	25. The Caretaker

**Chapter Twenty-Four "The Caretaker"**

Sam honestly thought Dean's idea was one of the craziest he'd ever had. For one thing, working with ghosts was dangerous, even for the most powerful vampire save one. And it was a longshot that it would even work. Plus there was the issue of getting the angel tablet fragments from Gadreel. If he even still had them. There were too many variables.

But Sam did as Dean asked—because Dean had asked—and called Mrs. Tran. Apparently, she had saved Sam's number as well, because she knew it was him.

"Sam?" Her voice sounded understandably concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"When is something not wrong?" he replied. "But for once, that's not why I'm calling. Dean has this idea that Kevin might still be able to help us figure out a problem with angels."

"Don't you think you've asked enough of him?" The bitterness in Linda's voice was unmistakable.

"I know," Sam said. "I know we have, and I'm sorry. For everything."

"Doesn't the fact that he's not alive anymore mean he can't help you?"

"That's what I thought, but Dean thinks it's worth a try. I wouldn't ask, but Cas is gonna die if we don't find a way to save him."

Linda was quiet for a moment. "What exactly would you need Kevin for?"

"We need to find out more about angel grace and how it works. Cas is losing his, and we have to find a way to stop it."

"So you need him to read the tablet again?"

"Theoretically. If we can get it back, and if he can fix it."

"That's a lot of ifs."

"Yeah, I know. Dean's always been an optimist."

"I'll talk to Kevin. No promises."

"Thank you," Sam said.

He hung up and felt like a jerk for even asking. But part of him was excited too. The thought of seeing Kevin again, even as a ghost, was encouraging. Maybe Dean's optimism was starting to rub off on Sam.

**~oOo~**

Kevin watched through the grayish haze of intangibility. He knew his mom hated it when he spied on her, but it was easier to be invisible unless he needed to make himself known. He tried to conserve his strength, to keep focused, keep calm. The alternative wasn't an option to Kevin. He wasn't going to become the sort of monster the Winchesters tracked down. Especially since he knew there was nothing they could do about it now.

"I know you're there," his mom said suddenly.

Kevin flickered into visibility. "You're getting better at that."

"Comes from living with a ghost." She set the phone down and sighed. "So you know. They want your help again."

Kevin nodded. "It's not like I can get hurt now."

"No, but... but it could be stressful."

"Mom... I want to do something. It's so quiet in here alone. I don't eat; I don't sleep. It's like I don't exist. But if I did something, I might... I might still be here, you know?"

"I know." Linda stared out the window of the front room. "I've always tried to protect you, but I failed."

"No you didn't. Mom, I failed you. I let myself believe you were dead because there didn't seem to be any way to save you, but I should have tried harder. I should have made Sam and Dean listen to me. I should have gotten the truth out of Crowley."

"I don't blame you. It was that demon's fault, and no one else."

"But I still want to help Castiel. If there's anything I can do, I want to do it."

Linda nodded. "Of course. I'll go pack." She headed for the stairs.

"Thanks Mom," Kevin whispered.

She heard him.

**~oOo~**

It took some convincing for Castiel to agree to go visit Gadreel. He didn't think there was much good in asking about the angel tablet. Even if Gadreel agreed to give it to him, it didn't seem as if Kevin would still be able to read it. Or fix it.

The sterile office building was the same as before. Castiel had four cups of coffee before the receptionist told him he could go up to the top floor. On the long elevator ride, Castiel thought of what he would say, how he would explain his predicament. By the time he reached the top, he still hadn't come up with anything particularly good.

The office doors opened, and Castiel walked slowly down the length of the room. Gadreel was seated behind the desk, looking harried and somehow tired. He looked up, almost seeming surprised to see Castiel there, though he must have known he was coming.

"Castiel," he said warmly, though there was stress in his voice. "As always, I am glad to see you. Please sit down."

Castiel took one of the chairs across the desk from Gadreel. "I apologize for disturbing you now," Castiel said. "I know you're very busy."

"It never stops. If you are here about your grace, I still have angels searching for it, but there has been no success yet."

Castiel nodded. "I understand. That is, indirectly, why I'm here. I wanted to know if you still had the fragments of the angel tablet."

"Of course, but... what could you do with that?"

"Likely nothing, but since the last prophet is still a ghost, there is a small chance he could still use it."

Gadreel looked sad and sorry and confused all at once. "The chance, I am afraid, would be very small indeed."

"I know. I don't expect anything to come of it, but there's no harm in trying, and Dean is insistent."

Gadreel's eyebrows raised. "Sam found a way to bring him back?"

"Yes. He will soon be seeking out the Alpha."

"And then what? Will he kill him and take his place?"

Castiel shook his head. "He intends to go back. To... die again."

Gadreel seemed mildly impressed. "A noble sentiment."

"It's my fault." Castiel looked down at his hands. "That he's a vampire, that any of this ever happened."

"I very much doubt that you are solely to blame, brother. It is never that simple."

Castiel looked up again. "But I want to do all I can to help him, and this is what he's asking."

"He does not want you to die." It was obvious, but the way Gadreel said it made it sound somehow more profound.

"No," Castiel agreed. "I have accepted my fate, but Dean hasn't. If it helps him to keep trying to save me, who am I to argue?"

Gadreel got up and crossed the room to a cabinet full of drawers. "Your case may not be entirely hopeless," he said as he searched for the right one. "I will let you know if we find anything more in Heaven, but for the time being—" He pulled open a drawer and lifted out a plain wooden box. "—you are welcome to this."

Gadreel handed the box to Castiel. There was an Enochian design in the lid that prevented certain beings from opening the box. Castiel pushed the lid back with his thumb and saw the shattered remains of the angel tablet lying inside.

"You've kept it here on Earth?" he asked, looking up at Gadreel curiously.

"The tablets were meant for human prophets," Gadreel replied. "Not for the angels. It seemed fitting to bring it here."

Castiel nodded and closed the box. "Thank you," he said.

"There is no need," Gadreel said. "Even if the only prophet is a ghost, the tablet belongs with him."

Castiel stood and tucked the box under his arm. "I will not keep you," he said.

Gadreel put his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I am always pleased to see you, brother. If there is anything more you need and it is within my power, I will do all I can to help you."

"You have already done much in this, in promising your help with the vampires."

"Such is no more than my duty."

"Some would disagree."

"Then let them attempt to do better."

Castiel smiled. Gadreel might not have even realized it himself, but he was beginning to develop a sense of humor. Castiel took that as a good sign, a sign that he would understand the humans better and see things from their perspective. It was a long road, as Castiel knew from experience, but even with all the bad that had happened, he still believed it was worth it.

**~oOo~**

Dean knew he should have been working on the actual reason he came back to life. He should have been hunting down other vampires and find out what the Alpha was planning. He should have been doing a lot of things, but this thing with Cas—a lot of things with Cas actually—kept him preoccupied.

Of course, the trouble was that Cas had gone to see Gadreel and Kevin was a maybe, so there wasn't really anything for Dean to do about it at the moment. He needed to get out. He needed to do something normal.

Sam had started going over some potential vampire hotspots, so that was as good a place as any to start. Dean joined him at one of the library tables and asked what he had found.

"The list of things I haven't found would be shorter," Sam replied with a weak smirk. "Finding them isn't going to be an issue."

"So let's pick one and get started."

"You think that's the best way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Attacking them one at a time. They just keep making more."

"I'm not talking about a systematic purge. That would be stupid, not to mention impossible. But Someone's gotta know how to find the Alpha. Jody said he's been feeding them orders directly."

"If that's the case, why don't you and Benny just tap into that whole mother consciousness thing?"

"Because that would be suicide. He would know exactly how to find us. I've been able to block him so far though. He probably knows I'm back, but I'd rather not lead him here."

"Okay, so we need to work our way up. Benny told me that the more generations between the Alpha and the vampire, the less they're connected."

"So the ones Cas and Jody ran into in Massachusetts were probably higher up."

"Right, and they only killed one of them." Sam reached over to type something into his computer, but suddenly stopped with a grimace on his face.

"You okay?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." Sam pulled back his right arm and repositioned it to take the weight off his shoulder. He used his left hand on the keyboard more effectively than Dean would have expected him to be able to.

"You should probably get that shoulder looked at."

"I will later," Sam said absently. "There have been more reports of deaths in the area CAs and Jody killed the vampire. It doesn't look like they've moved on. They're not afraid of us."

"Which is probably the worst news ever for any hunter. But seriously. You almost got your arm torn off. Why haven't you gone to the hospital yet."

"I've been busy."

"No you haven't." Dean stood and moved around the table. "Come on." He grabbed Sam's good arm. "Benny can look into this."

"He shouldn't go on his own," Sam said, resisting less than Dean expected.

"Then Emma or Jody go with him. I'll take care of it. You just get ready to go."

Benny was just coming into the room as Dean was herding Sam into the hallway. "What'd I do this time?" he asked.

"I need you to check out a nest," Dean said, giving Sam a push toward his room. "Don't go alone."

"What's wrong with him?" Benny cast a glance at Sam's retreating form.

"His shoulder. I'm taking him to the hospital since we somehow overlooked that until now."

"You've had a lot on your mind." Benny's tone indicated that he was saying more than he let on.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Benny shrugged. "Just that your situation with Cas is a bad idea."

Dean wasn't really surprised that Benny knew, but having it confirmed was more than he was prepared to deal with today. "I know," he finally said.

"No, you probably don't." Benny shook his head. "Feeding off someone you know is a neverending host of problems. You never get that taste out of your mouth."

"There's not a lot I can do about it now."

"No, but if you don't get his grace back, he's going to die."

"I know." Dean nodded slowly. "Take Jody with you. She knows where the nest was last."

Dean pushed past Benny and headed down the hallway after Sam. He knew it wasn't the best way to leave things with his friend, but he couldn't keep talking about all that. He had to keep focused on the hope of finding Cas' grace or he wouldn't be able to function. Surely Benny understood that.

**~oOo~**

Sam sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, and now that he really let himself think about it, his arm hurt more than he'd been willing to admit. It felt like it was sapping all his energy away, and he felt cold. That wasn't a good sign. He knew he should have gone to a hospital the day he got back, but he let himself get distracted with Dean and everyone else.

As soon as Dean got in the car, Sam felt a thick tension in the air. It was as if Dean could project stress in his vampire state. Which made Sam wonder if the nest in Massachusetts were all he had talked about with Benny.

"You okay?" Sam asked as they drove down the dirt road, his arm jostling painfully with every bump.

"Fine," Dean replied sharply. But he had that funny voice that he got sometimes since he'd become a vampire that Sam didn't really recognize.

"You were talking about Cas?" he asked. Because what else could it be?

Dean shot Sam a vicious glare. "What?" he said flatly.

"It's okay," Sam kept his voice as calm as he could. "I know. I'm not gonna lecture you or anything because Benny's much more qualified to do that, and I kind of just want to go to sleep."

Dean focused on the road again. For a long time, he didn't say anything, glaring straight ahead with his hands turning whiter than normal on the steering wheel.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," he said softly, surprising Sam.

"I know," Sam replied. "Cas told me about it a long time ago."

"He did?"

"Back when you were dead and we were hunting together. We were talking about how to kill the Alpha and how he..."

"How he killed me?"

"Yeah. It was an awkward conversation. But I know he was just trying to save you, so it's not your fault that... that it's the way it is now."

"I shouldn't have come back."

"Dean, you're the only chance he's got."

Dean looked over at Sam with an ironic expression. "I could also kill him, Sam. Not really the sort of risk I want to take. But there's no going back now. Unless someone wants to send me, and I get the feeling I won't be quite so willing this time."

"So... you plan on staying? For good?"

"No. The deal still stands. Speaking of which, when are you going to cut your hair?"

Sam forced himself to laugh and shook his head. "Maybe after the hospital."

He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up about Dean changing his mind. It seemed like such a long time ago they had been standing outside that portal planning Dean's return. It was only a few days, though, and Dean still displayed that same grim determination to die that he had before. Maybe things would change in the time it took to kill the Alpha. Maybe Sam would come up with an argument to convince Dean to stay. Maybe no one would be willing to kill him. Somehow it all seemed far fetched, and the reality of losing Dean again stared Sam in the face.

Sam tried to think about anything else. He thought about how much his arm hurt, and once he started, he couldn't seem to focus on anything else. It was getting worse the closer they got to the hospital. Sam let his eyes close, trying to internalize the pain. No matter how many times he'd been through similar experiences, he always tried to keep Dean from seeing just how much it hurt. In some twisted way, he was trying to protect his brother because it seemed like all Dean ever did was look out for him. And Dean had enough to worry about right now.

By the time they reached the hospital, Sam didn't want to move. It took Dean coming around and pulling him out of the car to get him moving toward the ER entrance. The prospect of filling out paperwork sounded like the least fun thing ever.

Thankfully, Dean just led him to a chair and went to talk to the receptionist himself. Sam leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes again. Just for a little bit. His wound wasn't that bad. He'd be home by lunch time.

* * *

**I've finally run out of extra chapters, so I'm going to have to get on top of things this week and write some more. Thanks to all of my readers. I love you guys.**


	26. Death in Heaven

**Chapter Twenty Five "Death in Heaven"  
**

Apparently, passing out in an hospital waiting room was a good way to get yourself bumped to the head of the line. Dean couldn't help thinking that he should have seen this coming. He knew that Sam hadn't been a hundred percent since they got back, but he didn't notice the signs that he was much worse off.

As Dean waited for news of Sam's condition, he checked his phone for any messages from Kevin or Cas. Still nothing of course. Dean hadn't been expecting word so soon, but any good news right now would have been a plus. It was too much to hope that for once everything _wasn't _going wrong.

With nothing to do but wait, Dean found a spot far from the windows and settled into a chair. He didn't really mean to fall asleep, but the sheer boredom left him little recourse. The fact that he hadn't been sleeping well since he came back to Earth may have also played a role.

Dean didn't dream of killing Cas this time, though. Instead he had a strange sensation of floating, as if he were a leaf on the wind. Far below him, he saw a vast forest with no end in sight. It seemed familiar, but somehow different from this angle. At one point, there was a break in the trees for a second, and he saw two dark figures walking. They didn't see him, but he knew, without knowing why, that he had to get to them. But he was too high up, to far away. As he tried to redirect himself, Dean was able to get closer to the tops of the trees. If he could get caught in one, maybe they would find him. It was a long shot, but he figured it was his best chance. He finally snagged himself in the thin branches at the top of a pine tree and waited there. He didn't know how long it was before he saw someone coming. She looked familiar, but he couldn't place her.

Dean woke suddenly when someone sat down a few chairs away from him. His mind instantly went into defensive mode, until he remembered where he was. The dream quickly faded from his memory until all he could recall of it was that feeling of disembodied floating. He knew it had to mean something, but he didn't want to know what. It seemed like his mind kept doing things without his permission or knowledge. If he didn't think about it too much, maybe it would go away.

Dean didn't have to worry about it anymore because the doctor who was treating Sam chose that moment to appear. He didn't look particularly happy, but in Dean's experience, doctor's never did.

"How is he?" Dean asked.

"He's stable, but his wound is infected," the doctor said, taking a chair across from Dean. "We've got him on antibiotics, but we're going to have to run tests to know what's in his system. You said it was some kind of animal?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, we were hiking in the woods. I didn't see it happen, but I patched him up the best I could. It took us a while to get back to civilization."

Technically that was all true. Dean didn't have to include that they were in Purgatory, and it was a Leviathan that took a bite out of Sam.

The doctor seemed satisfied with that explanation though. "It was good work for the circumstances, but in his case, it might not be enough."

"Enough? What do you mean?"

"I mean, even once we get the infection under control, his shoulder may have irreparable damage. The muscle has been torn, so he may have limited movement. Physical therapy can help with that, of course, but it's highly unlikely that it will ever be like it was."

"And there's nothing, no surgery or..."

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry. The damage is just too great."

"If we'd gotten here sooner—"

"I don't think it would have made a difference. It could have prevented the infection, maybe, but when that animal attacked him, it crippled his shoulder. Even if you had gotten help immediately, there would be no changing that."

Dean nodded and looked down at his hands. The doctor couldn't have known what he was thinking. Here he was, one of the most powerful beings in the world, but he couldn't fix a simple injury. He couldn't save Sam from the inherent weaknesses of humanity.

"You can go see him now," the doctor said. "We want to keep him overnight at least. Poor guy's probably had enough of hospitals this year."

"Wait, what?"

"You didn't know your brother had a concussion a few months ago?"

"Uh, yeah, I knew. I just... I wasn't around when it happened."

"Well, I'm sure he'll be glad to have you here now. Seems like he's been through a lot."

"Yeah," Dean said. The doc didn't know the half of it.

Dean followed the doctor down the hallway. Sam had been moved to a more permanent room since they planned on keeping him the night, and Dean wasn't inclined to argue.

The room was cold and dimly lit, but that was better for Dean. He could see that Sam was looking even paler than he did, which was saying something. He was awake now, but he seemed tired, more than Dean had ever seen him. This was so mundane, but somehow it seemed more important than anything else that was going on in their lives.

"You're still here?" Sam asked weakly.

"Where else would I be?" Dean replied, crossing his arms and leaning against the side of the bed.

"I don't know. Out there saving the world."

"The world can wait."

"It really can't, but I shouldn't be surprised."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"I don't know... Your priorities were always a little mixed up when it came to me."

Sam's speech seemed a little too slow and his words were running together. Dean wondered if he would remember any of this conversation. It wasn't as if the things he said were a surprise to either of them though.

"You should rest," Dean said, not wanting to delve further into their dysfunction at the moment.

"Can't," Sam grumbled. "This bed is too small."

Dean couldn't help the faint smile that crossed his face. "That's 'cause they don't make 'em for giants."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

**~oOo~**

"You're not going. That's the end of it." Jody rubbed her forehead as she spoke. She hadn't been expecting this right now.

"Your mother's right," Benny agreed. "There's no need to put you in danger."

"She is _not _my mother," Annie said with pointed emphasis.

"No, but I'm responsible for you, and you're much safer here," Jody said.

"Safer here with the bookworms?" Annie cast a glance at Charlie and Emma who were trying to stay out of the argument. "No offense."

"None taken," Charlie mumbled.

But Emma stood up from the table and walked over next to Benny. She didn't say anything or give any warning before she shoved him as hard as she could and sent him flying across the room.

After a long silence, Benny groaned and picked himself up off the floor. "Was that really necessary."

"It helps with the tension," Emma said, going back to the table and sitting beside a wide-eyed Charlie.

"Which tension?" Benny asked. "Ours or yours?"

"Take your pick. In any case, just about anyone would be safer with me than with you, so I guess that solves the argument."

"It would if I was worried about getting hurt," Annie said.

"Your worries aren't the issue here," Jody said. "Me and Cas pulled out last time because there were too many of them and they had some kind of contact with the Alpha. You being a former vampire puts you at a higher risk, and I'm not willing to take it, so you just better get used to this place because you'll be seeing a lot of it."

Annie let out a dramatic sigh and slumped into a chair without a word.

Jody looked at Benny and shrugged. "Let's go."

The two of them were quiet as they went to the motor pool where Jody had left her truck. It wasn't until they were well on their way and Jody had cycled through every radio station for something tolerable that Benny ventured to say something.

"She's just testing you," he said.

"I know," Jody replied. "I'm no stranger to teenaged rebellion."

"We didn't call them that when I had them."

"You have kids?"

"_Had_."

"Sorry." Jody did her best not to think of her son. To wonder what he would be like now if he had lived.

"I think people forget that we had lives before we became monsters," Benny said. "No one just pops out of the ground a ready made vampire."

"Did you family know what happened to you?"

"No. They were better off thinking I was dead. I met my great-granddaughter once, though."

"How did that go?"

"Not well. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why do you trust me?"

Jody looked away from the road for a second, surprised by the sudden change of topic. But it was a valid question. "Well, I've had to develop a less 'us and them' view of non-humans lately. Sam and Dean trust you, so I don't see why I shouldn't."

Benny smiled like he knew something she didn't. "Perhaps a more puzzling question is why you trust them."

"That is a very long story."

"We have a very long drive."

Jody couldn't argue there, and telling stories would be better than hours of awkward silence. Plus she figured if she told Benny about her life, he might share some of his, which had to be interesting, considering he was from another time.

Suddenly, trying not to think about her son had turned into telling the whole story of how he died and the horror that followed. She hadn't really talked about it to anyone because Sam and Dean already knew, and no one else seemed to ask. Maybe this would be a good thing. It certainly couldn't hurt.

**~oOo~**

The treetops faded from view, and a harsh light blinded Lenore for a good 30 seconds before she blinked away the spots and found herself standing in a stone room. There was light coming from a high window covered with bars and on the opposite end of the room were more bars. They were in a cell.

"Meg?" Lenore turned around to find the demon standing behind her looking like she was going to be sick.

"As if monster jail wasn't bad enough," Meg muttered.

"Where are we?" Lenore looked around to try to find some indication of their location.

The front of the cell opened into a long hallway, and she couldn't see anything in that direction except more stone walls. The bars were something stronger than iron because Lenore couldn't even jar them with her attempts to shake them loose.

"Maybe we can see something through the window?" she suggested.

"It's too high," Meg said. "But I don't think we'll need to."

"What?"

Just then, the sound of footsteps echoed through the hallway. Someone was approaching quickly.

"Think they'll be friendly?" Lenore asked.

"Not to us," Meg replied.

Lenore faced the front of the cell and watched as a woman came into view. At least, she wore the skin of a woman, but Lenore got the feeling she was something else. She wasn't sure what it was, but the smell wasn't right for a human, though it did seem vaguely familiar.

The woman glared at them, especially Meg. "What are you doing here?" she demanded

"That's a good question." Meg looked at Lenore for an answer.

"We came by mistake," Lenore said in her most polite voice. "There was a portal—"

"There are no portals that lead here," the woman insisted. "Did Crowley send you?"

Meg actually laughed. "Crowley killed me. Ask anybody; I'm a traitor."

"Who then? The Alpha?" She looked at Lenore.

"No one sent us." Lenore kept her voice even. "We found a portal from Purgatory and went through it."

The woman frowned deeply and then proceeded to unlock the door and pull it open. "Come with me at once."

They followed her out of the cell and down the long corridor of the dungeon. There were many other cells, some empty, some with prisoners who took no notice of the ones passing by them.

"Where are we?" Lenore wondered aloud.

Meg heard her and shook her head. "Heaven."

The word struck a sense of dread into Lenore's heart. Heaven wasn't the place for something like her, and she now understood the familiar smell. It was grace. The woman was an angel. And she was not happy.

**~oOo~**

When Castiel left the angels' headquarters, he found a message on his phone from Dean. Sam was in the hospital. For a moment, Castiel stood in the parking lot, staring at the screen wondering what those words could possibly mean. It came back to him slowly. The injury in Purgatory. The brief looks of pain that crossed Sam's face over the past few days.

Castiel knew he should take the angel tablet back to the Bunker, but he hadn't quite gotten used to the fact that Dean was back and he didn't have to watch over Sam all the time anymore. Not that he had done such a good job of it. He blamed himself for more than a few of those scars Sam had collected since Dean's... absence.

The hospital wasn't far, but driving suddenly seemed like a chore. Castiel knew he was getting weaker every day, but he was determined to keep acting as normally as possible as long as he could. His grace would run out when it ran out, and resting wasn't going to make it last any longer.

Still, he was relieved when he finally reached Sam's room. The two brothers were in one of their usual bantering matches. Castiel was struck by the strangeness of it. It shouldn't have seemed strange, but Dean really hadn't been himself since he was turned. Sam hadn't either, but in a different way. But seeing them together, joking like they used to was simultaneously pleasant and confusing. Castiel got the ominous sensation that it wouldn't last.

"Hey, Cas," Sam said perhaps a little too brightly. "How did it go?"

Castiel remembered the box in his hands and he held it up to show them. "Gadreel gave me the fragments," he said. "I don't know what good they will do, but he was very helpful."

"I told you he'd listen to you," Dean said.

"He is still willing to help with the vampire problem," Castiel said.

"What about your grace? Does he know anything about that?"

Castiel shook his head. "They are still looking."

"It has to be somewhere."

"Yes, but there's no way of knowing where. There's nothing we can do about it at the moment."

"There will be if Kevin can fix that thing."

"Has he agreed to come?"

Dean nodded. "Sam got a text from his mom a while ago."

"I did?" Sam asked.

"You were waxing eloquent on the state of the U.S healthcare system. I wasn't really listening."

"I was?"

"This is the fourth conversation you've forgotten since we got here."

"Oh. Probably the medication."

"Also the fourth time you've said that."

"Perhaps we should let him rest," Castiel suggested.

"I've been trying to." Dean stood up from his chair and pulled Sam's blanket over his foot where it had slipped off. "Get some sleep, Sammy. We'll be around."

Dean followed Castiel out of the room and closed the door. His cheery attitude dissipated once they were away from Sam. His brow furrowed, and his mouth pressed into a straight line.

"What is it?" Castiel asked as they walked back toward the waiting room.

"Sam's gonna be out of commission for a while," Dean said flatly.

"That's okay. We can cover for him until he's well."

Dean shook his head. "He's not gonna be well, Cas. Not like he was before. They can't fix his shoulder."

Castiel stopped in the middle of the hallway and stared at Dean. He always expected bad news to come in the form of someone dying or the world about to end. But somehow, the thought of Sam losing a bit of his capacities as a hunter was far more devastating.

"I haven't told him yet," Dean went on. "He probably wouldn't remember if I did. I just... I don't know how to tell him he's not gonna be able to do the stuff he's used to doing."

Castiel thought of the time Sam was healing from his concussion and how un-Sam like he was behaving. A repeat of that would crush him. But maybe Dean would help him better than Castiel had been able to.

"It'll be okay," Castiel said, though he wasn't sure he fully believed it. "You'll help him."

"I'm not sure." Dean stared down the hallway, not really looking at anything. "I'm not sure of anything."

And suddenly, Dean was talking about far more than the state of Sam's health. He was talking about everything. About hunting vampires and saving Castiel and killing the Alpha. Dean wasn't sure he could do any of it, and Castiel didn't know what to say to make him believe he could.

* * *

**I didn't have time to edit this, so it might be a bit rougher than my usual work. Sorry about that, but I didn't want it to be late. Let me know what you guys think of where the story's going. I love to hear your thoughts.  
**


	27. The Rebel Flesh

**Chapter Twenty-Six "The Rebel Flesh"  
**

Gadreel was feeling tired. Not tired like a human would feel tired or even like Castiel with his current condition. It was a sort of weariness born of too much responsibility. In the months following Metatron's death there had been much to do in terms of restructuring the angels and putting Heaven in order. Still it seemed as if they had accomplished very little. So many humans were still trapped in the void, unable to pass on; vampires wreaked havoc on Earth; and still no clear solutions presented themselves.

Gadreel knew from experience that the answers to these problems would not be simple or easy. Yet he had expected a little progress, some lead or hint of what he should do. More often, though, it seemed as if he were floundering in the dark, utterly unequipped for the task of leading his people and protecting the humans.

It seemed that another problem was about to make itself known because as soon as Gadreel returned to Heaven, Hannah appeared in his office with that frown of concentration she so often had when she didn't understand something. Which was most of the time.

"I apologize for disturbing you," she said as she entered the office. "But we've had an... intrusion."

"An intrusion of what?" Gadreel asked, not really paying attention.

"Of, well, monsters."

Gadreel looked up from his desk to see that Hannah was completely serious. He likely wouldn't have been able to tell if she were joking anyway, but she didn't do that often. "Monsters," he repeated.

"Yes, in the dungeon. They claim to have come through a portal from, of all things, Purgatory. They're outside under guard."

Gadreel refrained from a dramatic sigh. No need to show Hannah just how much stress he was under. "Show them in," he said. "I will question them myself."

It wasn't as if Gadreel needed more to do, but the flustered look on Hannah's face gave him the impression that it would be easier if he handled it.

She nodded and left the room for a moment. When she returned, she was followed by two female shaped beings, though Gadreel could see their true forms. Neither one had a physical body which supported the idea that they had come from Purgatory.

"Please sit down," Gadreel said. "Hannah, you may return to your duties."

Hannah glanced suspiciously at the intruders and then left the room again. The door closed softly behind her and the two women sat across the desk from Gadreel.

"Who are you, and how did you get here?" Gadreel asked, foregoing any more pleasantries.

The taller one spoke first. "My name is Lenore, this is Meg," she said.

Gadreel looked at the other—the demon. "Meg is not your name," he said, studying her face.

"It is now," she replied, almost like a challenge.

"We came here by mistake," Lenore, the vampire said as if trying to make peace. "We found a portal, and we thought it might—well, I don't know what we thought it would do, but we wanted to get back to Earth. We're not trying to start anything."

"Why do you need to get back to Earth?" Gadreel asked. "Aside from mercenary reasons, which would make it much easier for me to justify killing you."

"The vampire Alpha is trying to take over the world," Meg said nonchalantly. "But you already knew that."

"Our friends are trying to stop him," Lenore explained. "But because we don't have physical forms, it was impossible for us to leave Purgatory with them."

With that last bit of information, Gadreel was able to put everything together. He knew who these women were, or at least why they mattered.

"You were with Dean Winchester," he said. "You want to help him fight the Alpha."

"See, I told you he knew," Meg said. "Not all angels are idiots."

"I was under the impression you were quite attached to one of them," Lenore said.

"We don't talk about that."

"You must understand that your presence here creates a... precarious situation," Gadreel interrupted. "It is my intention to assist the humans in their efforts to stop the vampire incursion, but I cannot simply set you free for obvious reasons."

"Because we're monsters, and you don't go in for that sort of thing," Meg said in an offhanded tone.

"No," Gadreel clarified. "Because as your friend so accurately put it, you do not have physical forms. I cannot send you back to Earth. Your souls would simply return to their default destinations."

"So we're stuck here?" Lenore asked. "Unless you send us back."

"I should." Gadreel stood up from his desk chair and paced across the floor. "Precedence clearly indicates that foreign incursions be extradited to their proper places."

"But?" Meg raised her eyebrows.

"But we share a common purpose. I have sworn to protect humanity, and the vampires pose a great threat at present. Do not mistake me, I will not be working with you. There are some lines I cannot cross."

"That's more Castiel's thing, isn't it."

Meg said it so calmly, so matter-of-factly, but as soon as she mentioned his name, Gadreel could feel the tone of the conversation shift.

"What do you know of Castiel?" he asked.

"I guess you'd call us old friends. I saved his life a few times. After we got over trying to kill each other."

"Why would you help an angel?"

"Is now really the time for existential questions? Why does anybody do anything? I found myself a reason to exist, a reason to claw myself out of Hell. I wouldn't expect something like you to understand."

"You are wrong." Gadreel stared at the wall of bookshelves away from his guests, suddenly and sharply reminded of his own failures. "I understand the concept of redemption."

"Then you'll help us?" Lenore asked hopefully. "We just need to get to Dean and the others."

Gadreel turned back to face them. "It is not that simple," he said. "I still have no way of sending you back. It is beyond my power. Beyond anyone's power that I know. I would help you, but... there is nothing I can do."

"Then perhaps you could get a message out," Lenore suggested. "Let Dean know that we're here. If anyone can find a way, it's him."

Gadreel nodded both in acquiescence to her request and agreement with her statement. It seemed that if the impossible needed to be done, Dean Winchester was the one to do it.

**~oOo~**

One thing Benny didn't miss in Purgatory was the sun. Or the effects of the sun. Sitting in the passenger seat of Jody's truck mile after mile left him little shelter from the harsh rays. As the day passed, he hung his coat up over the windows, moving it when they changed direction or as the sun moved. It was much easier once the afternoon began to wane. The sun was behind them, so he only had to protect his head from the back window.

"How did you manage to drive three days straight on the way to Kansas?" Jody wondered aloud after Benny's latest readjustment.

"Dean has a shady back seat," Benny replied.

"I guess I never really thought about how inconvenient it must be."

"Being a monster?"

"Well, yeah. The limitations part, anyway."

"There are worse things. I'd happily live my whole life in darkness if I never had to feel the thirst again."

"Seems like some vampires like it."

"They like satisfying it," Benny corrected. "We have to drink to live, so why not enjoy it? At least, that's the popular consensus."

"Obviously not your view."

"Obviously."

"How did you decide on that? I mean, there are no points for good behavior."

"If there were points, it wouldn't be good behavior. It would be a bargain."

"So what is it? A last shred of humanity?"

"More like too many shreds of other people's. You kill for that long and one of two things happens. Either you justify it and start to enjoy it, which most do. Or you take the path of self loathing."

"Seems to be a lot of that going around."

"It doesn't always make us good, or whatever I am. Sometimes it just makes a vampire hate himself even though he still kills because he can't help it."

"How do you 'help it'?"

"Love." Benny said plainly.

"Love? As in the power of?"

"Something like that. The way I see it, if you still have the capacity to love anyone or anything, then you're strong enough to stop hurting people. It doesn't change anything. I'm still a monster. I've spent fifty-odd years in Purgatory, and when my life ends, I'm going right back. It's not about saving myself in some eternal sense, but saving what I can of who I am now."

"You're the most optimistic pessimist I've ever met."

"Thank you."

Jody shook her head and turned her attention solely to the road for a while before saying, "It'll be dark soon, and you can drive for a while. Unless you want to stop."

"Best to just go on," Benny said. "I've gotten more sleep in the past two days than in the last 50 years. I'm fine."

Jody merely nodded and made no reply.

**~oOo~**

Throughout the night, Sam kept waking from the pain in his shoulder and the small bed. The first couple of times, he was alone, then he remembered seeing Dean and Cas sitting there. In the night, he sees them sleeping in two chairs by his bedside. Cas doesn't stir in the slightest, but Dean fidgets in his sleep every time Sam wakes, as if he knows.

In between waking, Sam catches fragments of dreams: memories of Myron's head lying detached from his shoulders, the Leviathan sinking its teeth into his shoulder, the portal, the look on Dean's face when Sam first saw him in Purgatory. The memories went back further to fighting vampires in alleys and abandoned buildings. They bit and clawed and tore at him, but he never stopped. Until one of them turned around and looked at him through his brother's eyes. Dean's second set of teeth were stained with blood, and Sam held a dripping knife in his hand.

"You don't have to do this," Sam heard himself say.

Dean only growled. He wasn't Dean anymore. He had his face, but his eyes were wrong. That was when Sam finally noticed. The eyes. They were black. Dean lunged at him, and Sam fell back, feeling a sharp pain in his neck.

He woke with a start, but the pain didn't fade. If anything, it was worse. His shoulder felt like it was on fire, and Sam got the distinct impression that the pain medication had worn off. His mind was much clearer than it had been the day before as well.

"Don't hurt yourself," Dean's deadpan voice cut through the last fog of sleep.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" Sam replied, trying to keep his tone light, though he felt apprehensive at best.

"I wouldn't exactly say that was your fault."

Sam turned his head toward Dean and felt the stiffness in his neck protest. "Did Cas go home?" he asked when he didn't see the angel.

"No, he's getting coffee," Dean said.

"You drink coffee?"

"For him, not for me."

"Oh, right."

Dean shook his head as if amused by Sam's forgetfulness, but the look in his eyes said something entirely different. "Sam, are you okay," he asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"It's just that you seem... not yourself."

"And you are?"

"Obviously not, but in your case there might be something we can do about it."

"I'm fine, Dean. I just didn't sleep well."

"I noticed. You wanna tell me what you were dreaming about?"

"You wanna tell me why you're so worried about me? And I know it's not the sleeping. You were on edge last night too. What's going on?"

Dean shrugged. "A lot of things."

"Does one of those things happen to be the reason I'm here?"

"You being attacked by a Leviathan? Yeah, I think I get to be worried about that."

"But I'm not in any danger anymore."

"I guess not."

Dean looked down at his hands as if there were something of great interest there. For a long time, neither of them said anything. Then Dean looked back at Sam.

"It's not like you're gonna die," he said. "But your shoulder—it's never gonna be a hundred percent again. The doc's gonna do everything he can, but..."

Sam turned his head away from his brother and found himself staring at the ceiling. "Oh," he said.

There was nothing else he could say. He had been imagining something much more—supernatural. He never thought he'd be out of the game over something so apparently normal. But he was out. No more hunting. No more saving his brother's ass all the time. Sam felt his throat tighten. He would not get emotional about this. Except he was. All his life the only thing that earned him his brother's approval was hunting. It was the most important thing in all the universe that they watched each other's backs. And now it was over.

* * *

**I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I ended up having more to do than I expected and then caught a cold, so I wasn't able to finish it yesterday.**


	28. Tooth and Claw

**Chapter Twenty-Seven "Tooth and Claw"**

Sam sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, and Dean tried not to look at him. Ever since their conversation that morning, Sam had been tight-lipped. He said he was fine. Dean wasn't about to believe that, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he let it pass. Sam would have to adjust. They all would. But they could make it work, couldn't they?

Cas had already left when they found out Sam was going to be released that day. Sam had to go back for surgery later in the week, but for now, he was patched up with painkillers and antibiotics.

This whole thing just seemed to highlight the fact that nothing was ever going to be normal again. At least, what Dean thought of as normal which was a far cry from the literal definition of the word.

After getting stuck at three traffic lights in a row, Dean couldn't take the awkward silence anymore.

"It's gonna be okay, you know?" he said, still not looking at Sam. "I mean, we got all hands on deck with this thing, so..."

"Yeah," Sam said quickly. "It's fine. You don't need me."

"That's not—" Dean paused. Of course it sounded that way. "Hey, listen, that's not what this is about okay?"

"Dean, I know I'm a liability. No need to spare my feelings about it."

"Do you also know that you're good at other things besides fighting monsters?"

"Sure." Sam stared out the window, giving Dean the "I don't want to talk about it" posture.

"I'm serious. We're gonna need you helping Charlie and Kevin."

"Charlie and Kevin are both better at what they do than I have ever been at anything."

"That's not true."

Sam huffed.

"I mean it! They couldn't do what you've done."

"That's because I could take on a nest of vampires and make it out alive. I can't do that anymore."

"That's not what I'm talking about. You see the bigger picture. You put the pieces together. The rest of us do our thing, and you make it mean something. None of us would be here if not for you, so don't get all mopey on me. We've got work to do, and just 'cause you're hurt doesn't mean you can't help."

Sam finally looked back at Dean with a bit of surprise in his eyes. "You're a real jerk, you know that?"

"Hell yeah, bitch."

Dean couldn't help smiling as he pulled into the garage under the bunker. He knew this little hiccup wasn't over, but for now, Sam's spirits had been lightened, and they could try to make some progress. It wasn't that Dean expected things to go smoothly, but he would take what he could get.

When they got inside, they found the library in a state of organized chaos. Annie and Emma had taken over one of the tables and filled it with books and files and notepads. Charlie was occupying one of the alcoves with her computer and even more stacks of books. Meanwhile, at the other table, Linda Tran sat next to an empty chair with the newly repaired angel tablet in front of it.

"It worked!" Dean said upon entering the room.

Kevin flickered into visibility and looked up at Dean. "It just took some concentration," he said. "I'm better at connecting with solid objects now than I was before. And I can still read it."

"Good," Dean replied. "Anything you can find to help Cas, that's all we need."

"I'll let you know." Kevin disappeared again, but the tablet rocked slightly under his touch.

"Hey, Dean, you should see this," Charlie said from behind her computer. Cas was standing next to her, looking confused at whatever was on the screen.

"What's up?" Dean asked, going over to join them.

Charlie turned the computer around. "I just got this email from... Heaven, I guess?"

Dean looked at the message which simply said:

_Your friends from Purgatory have found their way here. Please advise._

For a second, Dean couldn't think of a single thing to say. The very thought of a vampire and a demon somehow making it into Heaven was ridiculous on the face of it.

"What does he mean?" Cas asked. "What friends?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you about that," Dean said. "It wasn't just me, Benny, and Emma. We ran into Lenore and—"

Sam suddenly cleared his throat, and Dean realized he was standing next to him. "Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked tersely.

Dean shrugged. "Sure."

They moved out into the hallway, and Dean could tell that Sam was tense about something, but he wasn't sure what it had to do with the previous conversation.

"You can't tell Cas about Meg," Sam said quietly.

"What?" Of all things, this was the last Dean expected. "Why not?"

"She asked me not to. She wanted him to forget about her."

"The fact that I'm bringing her back here might make that kind of difficult."

"You really think you'll be able to do that?"

"I promised I would. I've left enough people behind in my life. And if they've made it to Heaven that means I still have a chance."

"How? What good does that do us?"

"I don't know how to say this in a way that won't freak you out, but I think I sent them there... subconsciously."

Sam stared at Dean for a moment as if he had finally said something truly unbelievable. "Please tell me you're joking."

"No, Sam, it's like with the portal. I made it. Meg figured it out first, but it's got something to do with how I'm... not exactly pure vampire."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"After you cured me from the Mark of Cain, Cas said the last of it would fade, meaning there was something, however small, still left in me. I think the reason I can affect these things is because I still have a bit of demon power."

"Do you hear yourself? Even if this is true—which I really don't think it is—it's not a good thing. A demon/vampire hybrid?"

"Look, I'm not saying this is a great situation, but I am saying that something weird is going on with me, and I know I sent those two to Heaven. I don't know how. I just know. And getting back to the point, if Cas gives a crap about Meg, he'd probably want to know, and if he doesn't, he won't care."

"You know he does, Dean."

"Then the fact that I'm bringing her back should be good news."

"You shouldn't give him false hope."

"I'm not. I can't explain it, but I know I can do this."

"_How_?"

"I'll figure it out."

"Don't you think there are more important things for you to be figuring out? Like how to stop the Alpha? That is what you came back for, isn't it? Or was it for Cas?"

"You know, I'd think this would make you happy, considering I'm leaving as soon as the Alpha is dead. Or are you just that anxious to get rid of me?"

"I never said that!"

"And _I_ never said I came back for Cas. Is that really what you think? I came because you asked me to. Because I wasn't ready to let you go yet. Because I'm _weak_, Sam. So forgive me if I'm not ready to leave you again."

"That's why you're doing all this stuff? Looking for Cas' grace and bringing back Meg and Lenore."

"Bringing them back is about the only thing I'm doing right now that isn't for selfish reasons."

Sam nodded slowly as if finally understanding. "I still promised Meg I wouldn't tell Cas about her being there."

Dean shrugged. "I didn't. He might know something that could help us bring them back."

"I still don't see how you're going to manage that. They don't have bodies."

"That's why we need all the help we can get."

Dean turned to go back to the library. He hadn't expected this to turn into a full blown argument, and even though they had resolved it for the moment, Dean knew it wasn't over. Because Sam had been right to question his motives. Most of the time, Dean wasn't exactly clear on why he was doing what he was doing. He relied far more on instinct than he would have liked, but that was all he had now. Sam's concerns about the leftover demon juice had been haunting Dean since the idea first worked its way into his mind. In some ways, bringing back Meg _was _selfish. She was the only one who might be able to help him with this.

**~oOo~**

"To be honest, I was expecting a pile of ash," Jody said from the passenger seat of the truck as she and Benny watched the vampire hideout.

"Guess they really weren't afraid of you," Benny replied.

It was just before dawn, and Benny had been driving all night. He knew it would be best to attack now since the vampires would be weaker, but that meant he would too.

"I'm not sure how many of them there are," Jody said. "We killed one, but the others were gone. They've got some kind of direct line to the Alpha. Cas thought he was speaking through them somehow."

If she had been trying to make Benny nervous she couldn't have done a better job. "This may be a terrible idea," he said, checking that his knife was secure on his belt. "If anything goes wrong—"

"When doesn't something go wrong?"

"I mean, if he gets control of me. I want you to do what you have to. Get out if you can't win."

"You think the Alpha is going to try using you?"

"Maybe. It might not be worth it to kill one person, but just to be safe, I'm not gonna hold it against you if you have to take me out."

Jody shook her head. "That won't happen. I don't give up on people that easy."

"You might rethink that once we're inside. But if we're gonna take our shot, it's gotta be now."

Jody pulled a few things out of the backpack by her feet. "Here," she said, handing Benny a bundle of syringes filled with dead man's blood.

"Prepared for everything I see."

"Now, I wouldn't hesitate to put one of these in you if you go all crazy, but let's hope it doesn't come to that."

"A comforting thought."

Benny got out of the truck and Jody followed. He pulled his hat down over his head to keep off the faint sunlight that was peaking over the horizon and adjusted his sunglasses. Jody moved ahead of him because she knew where they were going.

The alley behind the abandoned auto shop was shaded, which did not bode well. The vampires inside would be well protected from the sun. Benny could hear them breathing now, and it sounded like they were asleep.

When they reached the door, Benny held up his hand for Jody to let him go first. They wouldn't notice his smell as soon as hers. The door was locked, but Benny twisted the handle around anyway and it came open.

Inside, it was even darker than the alley, which was fine for Benny, but Jody might have a hard time seeing what was coming. Upon first glance, Benny saw a couch and a few chairs, all occupied by sleeping bodies. There were also some on sleeping bags on the floor. Near one of them was a big red stain where Jody and Cas must have killed the first member of their group.

Benny got ready with his knife in one hand and a needle in the other. His previous thoughts about this being a bad idea seemed to be uncomfortably accurate now.

Jody stood beside him, also ready to fight. She had a fierce look in her eyes that Benny never would have expected. Until this point, he had been wondering how this woman could be a hunter, but now he saw it. She was ready to kill.

He gave her a slight nod, and then they woke the beast.

One of the benefits of attacking a nest while they were sleeping was that the enemy had to wake up and process what was happening, and that afforded time to strike. Benny killed two of the vampires before they had even got up off the floor. The next one came at him from the couch, jumping off of it to get above him. Benny stepped out of her way, and she landed on her feet a short distance away. She ran at him as soon as she touched down, and he took a well aimed swing at her. Unfortunately, he only got a piece of her neck, and she managed to dig her teeth into his arm before he made the killing blow, drenching himself with her blood.

Another one came at him from behind, and Benny stabbed at him with the syringe, slowing him down enough for Benny to turn and go for his throat. The vampire died with a look of pure shock on his face.

Having killed four already, Benny's outlook began to change. He only counted seven altogether, which meant—

Before he could finish that thought, Benny turned to Jody hanging a foot off the floor as the last vampire choked her with one hand. She had lost her weapons and was clawing at his arm with her hands and kicking wildly, but he didn't even flinch.

"I have a message for you, my son," the vampire said, looking Benny straight in the eye.

His voice sounded a little like Dean's when he went all mind control crazy. But it was deeper somehow. It made Benny's toes curl and his hand shake.

"A message you must carry to Dean Winchester," the vampire went on. "Your father is forgiving yet. He is also insatiable. This war can only end one way. My children shall populate the Earth. None shall stand in my way. Death awaits those who attempt to resist me."

Something snapped in Benny's brain. With that last statement, the vampire's hand twitched, and Benny shook himself out of the spell. He ran at the man and sliced his blade straight through his arm, causing Jody to fall to the floor, and the vampire to scream in pain. He swung his other fist at Benny's head, and everything went black.


	29. The God Complex

**Chapter Twenty-Eight "The God Complex"**

The first thing Benny saw when he opened his eyes was a ceiling fan spinning lazily overhead. The right side of his face felt numb, and he was having a hard time focusing. He blamed the fan for how dizzy he felt.

"Good, you're awake." Jody's voice came from off to the left somewhere.

Benny turned his head and found that he was lying on the ratty couch in the abandoned garage. Jody was sitting on the edge of a low table with a small cooler next to her. She had a half empty water bottle in one hand, and with the other, she reached into the cooler and took out a blood bag.

"Here," she said, handing Benny the blood. "You'll feel better once you've had a drink."

Benny reached out and took it. As his fingers brushed against her hand, he could feel her blood pumping just beneath the skin. She was right; he did need a drink. He quickly uncapped the bag and sucked out the blood. Immediately, his head began to clear, and the room stopped tilting.

Benny sat up and took stock of their situation. The bodies of six vampires still surrounded them, as well as the arm of the last one.

"He got away," Jody said. "After he knocked you down, I hit him with dead man's blood, and he ran."

Jody's voice seemed off. It was a little too husky, and Benny noticed dark bruises forming on her neck.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine." Jody nodded. "Almost got my throat crushed, but I didn't. You?"

Benny held up the empty blood bag. "Works wonders," he said.

"You wanna go after the guy, or..."

"Not now. He may be weak, but so are we. I get the feeling he won't be down for long."

"Who was he?"

"I don't know him, but he's got a direct line to the Alpha."

"Yeah, he talked like that girl last time. What do you think he meant about being forgiving?"

"Means he still needs Dean. Which could give us some advantage. It would help if we knew _what _they wanted."

"And you didn't get anything else? No creepy mind control or telepathic communication?"

"He was controlling me for a second there. I snapped out of it when I say he was going to kill you."

"Oh... well, thanks for that. I owe you one."

Benny shook his head. "Let's not keep track. I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities to even the score."

Benny stood and looked around the room again. He could see a sliver of light coming from under the door, and he instantly began to dread going outside.

"We should clean up before we go," Jody said.

Benny wasn't sure whether she meant clean up themselves or clean up the destruction they left in their wake. Probably both. She had brought their bags from the car, so they took turns using the bathroom to wash off the blood and change their clothes. While Benny was waiting his turn, he found some gasoline and other flammables and began spreading them around the room. Jody gave him a funny look when she came out of the bathroom. Benny just handed her a gas can and let her finish while he changed.

"You know, I didn't really think about it," Jody said as they headed for the door. "And I should have. It's a classic forensic countermeasure."

"Arson?" Benny asked.

"It won't completely destroy the evidence, but it will buy us some time."

"You shouldn't feel bad that you don't think like a criminal." Benny put his hand on the door and adjusted his hat.

Jody shook her head. "It's thinking like a hunter I need to do," she said. "The last thing we need is a bunch of cops after us."

"You think they haven't noticed all the deaths so far?"

"I think I've never been around to find out, so we should go."

Benny nodded and took one look back. He lit the matchbook he found on the table and threw it behind him before he stepped out into the unforgiving sun.

**~oOo~**

It wasn't as if Castiel didn't know people kept a lot of secrets from him. Sam and Dean especially had so many layers that it would probably take too long for them to explain all the lies and omissions. This wasn't really any different. So, Dean had run into others in Purgatory. What did it matter? What bothered him was that anyone thought it necessary to keep it a secret.

Benny probably hadn't bothered to mention it because they hadn't talked much and it had mostly been about what was going on here. Castiel had hardly talked with Emma either. She didn't seem to like him much. But why Sam or Dean hadn't talked about it was a mystery. Perhaps Sam didn't want to remember his painful visit to Purgatory. But Castiel had been there with Dean the first time. That was something they had in common. Something they both understood. And while they seemed to have drifted further and further apart anymore, Castiel didn't understand why Dean hadn't talked about it. They talked about everything.

Or they used to.

Castiel was suddenly very aware of the fact that he and Dean hadn't talked much since the latter's return. It made sense. Dean was dependent on Castiel's blood, so he probably didn't like being around him that much. The more Castiel thought about it, the more everything seemed to fall into place.

Of course, that still didn't solve the confusing problem of Purgatory residents getting into Heaven and why Gadreel was informing Dean of this. Everyone with a device connected to the Internet had gotten the message, but they all knew it was meant for Dean.

Castiel sat in the alcove closest to the door, watching the others work. He could hear Sam and Dean talking out in the war room, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. They were arguing, though. Perhaps something more happened in Purgatory than the usual fighting to survive.

It seemed like a long time before Dean came back into the library alone. He didn't seem to notice the others anymore, but came straight toward Castiel and pulled up a chair from the table.

"Sorry about that," he said, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing the side of his forehead.

"Oh," Castiel replied, realizing that Dean was talking about the interruption. "I'm sure it was important."

"Yeah, I guess. I thought Sam would have already said something to you, but apparently he promised not to, so I will."

"Dean, what are you talking about?"

"Who was with us in Purgatory. You remember Lenore?"

Castiel remembered all too vividly. "Yes. I killed her."

"She asked you to."

"She asked _you_, but you wouldn't."

"Doesn't matter. She couldn't come back with us because we don't know what happened to her body."

"I took it to a park and buried it. It didn't seem significant until now."

Dean had a look of amusement mixed with shock on his face. "You know where she is? Cas, we can bring her back."

Castiel frowned. "Why would we do that? She wanted to die."

"I sort of promised I'd get her out because I wanted Benny to come with me, and he didn't want to leave her behind."

"Why would—oh. Are they... mating?"

Dean choked but quickly composed himself. "You know, I don't wanna know. They're together, anyway."

"That does make things complicated."

"How?"

"Vampires mate for life, but she's not alive at the moment. It's a relational quandary."

For some reason, Dean looked intensely uncomfortable. "Yeah, sure. But there's something else."

"There must be because I don't know why you needed to tell me all that."

"I was leading up to it. I told you there were others. Plural. Lenore was one of them, but the other was...Cas, it was Meg."

Castiel had the metaphorical feeling of his stomach dropping. It couldn't be true. She was dead. Her soul had been destroyed.

But souls couldn't be destroyed.

"What... how?" Castiel finally managed to ask.

"Her words? She got most of the demon knocked out of her and found the portal from Hell to Purgatory."

"But why would she? Why not come back to Earth?"

"Maybe she couldn't get out that way. I don't know. Don't ask me to understand why she does anything."

"I know the two of you never got along."

"That's not the point. Cas, I'm telling you this because you deserve to know. She didn't want you to remember her, I guess, but that's probably because she thought she was never getting out."

"And she's in Heaven now? Gadreel could bring her here, but she would have to find a new body. Unless..."

"I don't know what happened to her old one. Last I saw her, she was getting killed by Crowley."

"Yes, and he would know where to find her. Unless he destroyed the body."

"And how do you think you'll convince him to share this information?"

"I won't. You will."

"Yeah, _that's _a better idea."

"Your sarcasm misses the point."

"Which is?"

"Crowley has what you'd call a soft spot. For you. I suppose I can understand it, though I'm still not sure _why _it happens."

"Why supernatural beings just love me?"

"It's a mystery."

Dean smiled. A real, happy smile that Castiel hadn't seen in a long time. "It's a mystery to me why you like Meg too, but I'm going to get her back for you," he said.

"Why are you doing this, Dean? You don't have to."

"That's why, I guess. There's a lot of stuff I have to do. Saving you, saving the world, but this? This is just something I can do for my friends."

Castiel nodded. "We're going to have to coordinate."

"What do you mean?"

"With Gadreel and Crowley and the location of Lenore's body. If we bring them back at the same time, anyway."

"We could use the morgue downstairs to hold them until we get their souls back."

"There's a morgue?"

Dean grinned a little too widely. "Yeah, it's really cool."

"I don't understand your definition of 'cool'."

Dean laughed but didn't bother explaining himself. Castiel had come to expect that.

**~oOo~**

It had been so long since Dean carried a cell phone around in his pocket, that his first thought was that he was under attack when it started ringing. The feeling passed before he embarrassed himself, and he saw that it was Benny calling.

"How'd it go?" Dean asked, stepping out into the hallway so as not to interrupt the excessive amount of research that was going on in there.

"Six out of seven," Benny replied. "And one arm."

"Ouch. Arms don't grow back, do they?"

"No. But the guy who got away was probably a first generation."

"Like me?"

"Nobody is like you, but he was as close as they come. He did that freaky voice thing you do sometimes, but I think it was the Alpha talking through him."

"My voice isn't freaky."

"_That's_ what you got out of that?"

"No. Alpha's got a new favorite. What does that tell us?"

"He may be up there, but he's not a favorite. He told me he had a message for you. The Alpha still wants you. Said he would be '_forgiving'_."

Dean laughed at that. "Is he delusional or just desperate?"

"Maybe he thinks he can convince you to come to his side. If his errand boy could get into my head, maybe he's planning on getting to you that way."

"What, by turning my friends against me? He's not gonna have much luck with the humans and the angel and the Amazon. Not to mention the demon."

"Meg? She's not exactly in the area right now."

"No, but Cas and I have a plan. Speaking of which, we need you and Jody to bring back Lenore's body. It's in South Dakota."

Benny was silent for a long moment. "What?" he finally said.

"I know it's kind of... well."

"Yeah, unpleasant doesn't begin to describe it. But a human still has to pull her out of Purgatory."

"She's not in Purgatory. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I think I subconsciously created another portal. Lenore and Meg are in Heaven."

There was another uncomfortable pause before Dean heard a faint sigh from the other end of the line.

"Okay, so one of your angel friends brings their souls to Earth for us?"

"I've got Cas working on that. He'll send you the location of Lenore too. I'll take care of Meg."

"She can possess any body she wants, can't she?"

"Yeah, but I get the feeling she'll want this one. I know someone who might be able to help."

"Do I want to know?"

"No. Just bring back Lenore and try not to get killed, all right?"

Benny laughed darkly. "Brother, that's the easy part."

* * *

**I'm really excited for where things are going, and I'd love to hear what you guys think of these new developments. On a side note, for any _Arrow_ fans, I'm currently working on a story in that fandom which should have it's third chapter up in a few days.**


	30. Flesh and Stone

**Chapter Twenty-Nine "Flesh and Stone"**

Dean didn't bother telling anyone exactly what he was doing. Cas knew, and Sam was supposed to be sleeping, so it wasn't like he was keeping it a secret. He just wasn't about to share unless he had to. Unfortunately, in all the time Dean had been gone, someone had reorganized the storeroom, so finding the necessary ingredients for a summoning spell was more difficult than it should have been. The only way for this sorting system to make sense would be if everything were alphabetized in Latin.

Dean was about to start muttering to himself when he heard someone coming down the hall toward the storeroom. By focusing on the smell, Dean could tell who it was. He had been expecting this to come eventually. He knew there was something going on with Emma, but he had been waiting for her to say something about it.

When she came into the room, her scent permeated everything. It was just like Dean remembered when he first found her in Purgatory, all metallic and acrid. Her blood was just on the edge of being human, but not quite. Dean didn't find actual human blood all that interesting on a normal day, so Emma's was even less appetizing.

She walked into the middle of the room where the shelves weren't so close together to make room for a long table which at the moment was empty. As she came closer, Emma didn't take her eyes off Dean. She had a look in her eyes that Dean had seen once before. It was as if she were trying to stare into his soul through the haze of flesh and blood.

"Everything okay?" he asked casually, masking his concerns about her because she would probably just be annoyed.

"That's a stupid question," Emma replied shortly. She was already annoyed, and Dean hadn't even done anything yet.

"Right. I meant with you." Dean turned back to the shelf he had been searching and pulled off another container to check its contents.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Emma said, moving around the table to come and stand beside Dean.

Dean sniffed at the container and quickly put it back. That wasn't what he wanted. "What's on your mind?" he asked.

Emma let out a frustrated sigh. "You're really not helping."

Dean turned to face her. "Helping what? I don't know what's wrong unless you tell me."

"You could at least look at me when I'm talking to you."

"Okay, I'm looking, what's going on?"

"You know, if you don't care, I'll just—"

"I didn't say that. If you've got something to say, say it. I'm not gonna drag it out of you."

Emma bit the side of her lip and shoved her hands in her pockets. Even in those small gestures, Dean could see how tense she was. The muscles in her arms were taught as if ready to strike out at the slightest hint of a threat. Something was getting to her; Dean just wasn't sure what.

"You know how when a vampire is in Purgatory he's not thirsty?" Emma said.

"I'm familiar with the feeling," Dean responded.

"Well, it's the same for me. I mean, not that I want to drink human blood now, but..."

Dean should have realized it before. Emma was still an Amazon, and her trip to Purgatory hadn't erased that from her being. "You feel like committing male genocide?"

"No." Emma shakes her head quickly. "Not the entire male population. Just one. The others are annoying, but I don't feel compelled to slit their throats every time I look at them."

Dean was struck by how honest she was being and realized it must have been difficult for her to say what she did. However, he had no idea what to say.

As usual, he settled for a facetious comment. "You can't really call your family dysfunctional until your brother gets possessed by Satan and your daughter wants to kill you."

"This is funny to you?" Emma's tone was a mix of betrayed and threatening.

"Probably not the best reaction," he agreed. "But you've kept it under control all this time."

"Not entirely."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I threw the other guy across the room. I was trying to make a point, but maybe it was excessive."

"The other guy? You know, it might help to think of us by our names."

"It's difficult to humanize something that's _not _human."

"You're not exactly in a position to split hairs."

"This is exactly your problem." Emma's hands came out of her pockets and she began gesticulating and pacing back and forth. "You're so against anything that's not one hundred percent human, but if you haven't noticed, I've never killed _anyone_. Wanting to and actually doing it are very different things, you know."

"Hey, hey, hey." Dean put up his hands to try to calm her down, but didn't touch her. "That's not what I meant. Let's just... back up for a second."

"Yeah." Emma rubbed her forehead, and her other hand formed a fist.

"When did this start?"

"When I first came back. It wasn't as obvious then, maybe because you brought me back to life, but the longer I've been here, the more I feel..." Emma waved her hand as if searching for the right word in the air.

"Like you have to kill," Dean supplied. "Like it's in your blood. You need it."

Emma took a step back from Dean. "You're not helping."

"But I'm right. I have to drink blood, you have to kill."

"No, you don't really get it. Amazons don't just kill men for no reason."

"So an ill advised one-night stand is a reason somebody should die?"

Emma ran her hands through her hair and kept pacing. "It's in my DNA. I have to cut off attachments so I can be a part of the tribe."

"You don't even know where they are."

"That's not the point. I'm supposed to kill you. That's how it works. It's like a... an instinct. If I don't kill you, I'm ostracized forever."

"That... sucks."

"You think? I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not exactly the homicidal type in general. It's like I'm being torn in half every time I think about you. If I killed you, it would be a relief, but it would change me, and I don't want to be that. I don't want to kill anyone."

"Maybe you need something to take your mind off it. Keep you busy."

"Like what?"

"Like helping me summon a demon."

Emma did a double take before she seemed to realize that Dean was serious. "That sounds like a good way to die."

"Nah, we go way back. Crowley is more the ask questions first type of guy."

"What do you need him for? Don't we have enough monsters around here?"

"He's not coming here. I'll do the spell somewhere else. I just need some information from him. To find Meg."

Emma looked pleasantly surprised. "You're bringing her back?"

"I said I would."

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure you meant it. I mean, you don't even like her."

"You do."

Emma snapped her mouth closed and looked like she was about to deny it. Then she shrugged. "We were friends. But you're not bringing her back for me."

"I'm bringing her back because I said I would. So you want to help, or what?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Emma's mouth. "What do I need to do?"

**~oOo~**

It was well past nightfall when Benny drove into Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Jody had been strangely silent the whole way, ever since Benny told her where they were going. She stared out the window most of the time and only gave one word answers to anything Benny said. And it wasn't the companionable silence they had experienced on their trip thus far. Something was bothering her. Knowing what little he did of her, Benny had expected Jody to be more straightforward if she had a problem with something. Perhaps the idea of resurrecting another vampire didn't sit well with her.

They were nearing the park when Jody suddenly turned in her seat and spoke. "I live here," she said.

"What?" Benny was sure he must have heard her wrong.

"This town. I was the sheriff."

She had mentioned that she used to work in law enforcement and that was how she met the Winchesters, but not where she had lived.

"What happened?" Benny asked, thinking he already knew.

"Vampires decided to take over the world," she said.

Benny pulled the truck over to the curb outside of the park. "So you stayed even after..."

"Yeah." Jody looked out the window again. "I used to bring my son here to play because it was the safest neighborhood. I guess Castiel picked a nice place."

"You think that's what he was thinking about?"

"I don't know. It's not all that close to Bobby's house."

"He lived here too?"

"You knew him?"

"Never met in person, but Dean talked about him a lot. From the sound of things, he was a good man."

Jody nodded, still staring out into the dark. "He deserved better than he got."

"I'm guessing you did too."

She turned to face Benny. "And what about this girl we're digging up?"

"She chose death over harming innocent people. She's the farthest thing from a monster I've ever met."

Jody nodded once and grabbed the door handle. "Then let's go get her. I've got shovels in the back."

It took a while to find the spot Castiel had indicated in his text message, and after that followed a long night of digging. Benny was not eager to see what was at the bottom of this grave, but he knew once he got it over with, he would be that much closer to seeing Lenore again. Over the past week, he had tried not to think about how much he missed her, how empty he felt when he turned around and she wasn't there. He had spent the best year of his life with her in the suburbs of Hell. If he had let himself dwell on that, all he would have wanted would have been to go back there.

But she wasn't there anymore. She was in Heaven, somehow, and Benny got the feeling that wasn't as nice as it sounded. The angels couldn't have been thrilled to have a vampire and a demon hanging around.

It was only an hour before dawn when Jody's shovel struck bone. It had been long enough that was all that was left.

"We have to get all the bones, don't we?" she asked breathlessly, wiping sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Yes," Benny replied, not wasting any breath. They were running out of time.

The sun was beginning to peak over the horizon when they finally collected all the pieces of the small skeleton. Benny could feel the burning sensation on the back of his neck and he climbed out of the hole.

"Here." Jody handed Benny her keys. "My house is just around the corner, the second from the left. Get out of the sun, and I'll fill this in so no one gets too suspicious."

"Thank you," Benny said, taking the keys and the backpack full of bones.

He hurried back to the truck and set the bag in the passenger seat. He knew there was nothing of Lenore left in the bones, but in a way, it felt as if she was beginning to come back to him.

Jody's house looked deceptively normal. Benny knew that her family had died here. She had been vague on the details, but there was some mention of her son turning into a zombie. Benny tried not to think about it as he hurried inside. The darkness was a welcome relief, even after a brief exposure to the sun. He was thankful that he remembered to bring in all their things because he was feeling very thirsty. The cooler was almost empty due to the unplanned detour, and Benny would have to go out looking for more when it got dark. There was sure to be a hospital or blood bank nearby. He would only take what he needed to make it back to Kansas.

After having a drink and making sure all the curtains were closed, Benny found the nearest bathroom and washed off last night's dirt. It was a nice change from the usual blood under his fingernails.

Jody still wasn't back by the time Benny had cleaned up, so he decided to try to get some sleep. He didn't want to go wandering about the house, so he just settled in on the couch and closed his eyes. He was sure it would take him forever to drift off with the anticipation of what was to come, but strangely, that wasn't the case. Almost as soon as he laid down, he was out.

**~oOo~**

It hardly seemed possible that the world had become more interesting in the past year. What a time to be alive. Or whatever one was when one was the King of Hell. A summons from the heir to the vampire race didn't come as a shock to Crowley. He knew Sam would succeed in getting Dean out of Purgatory, and he knew Dean would be coming to him for some sort of help eventually. Crowley had to resist the pull of the summoning spell for a little while to avoid seeming too eager. There were many ways he and Dean could help each other, and it was sure to be a beneficial deal.

Eventually, he materialized in the woods outside of the bunker. He didn't know why Dean thought it necessary to meet out here instead of the nice cozy dungeon, but Sam had been that way too. Seeing Dean as a vampire was almost as surprising as seeing him with black eyes, but Crowley's attention soon turned to the strange girl standing beside Dean.

"Has Moose finally decided to adopt an alternative lifestyle?" Crowley asked with a smirk.

Dean didn't reply, and the girl looked confused.

"Moose?" she asked.

"The gargantuan one," Crowley clarified.

To his further surprise, the girl laughed. "I'm going to use that," she said with a devious smile.

Crowley wasn't sure whether to be flattered or offended.

Dean shook his head. "Only he gets to call him that," he said.

"Why thank you, Dean." Crowley smiled at him. "It means so much to me that we perpetuate these terms of endearment. But you haven't introduced your friend."

Crowley took another look at the girl and noted several things: late teens, casually dressed, self assured, and incredibly tense.

"This is Emma," Dean said without further explanation.

"Just his illegitimate Amazon daughter," she said. For a second, her eyes turned red, and Crowley was genuinely shocked.

"How could you never tell me?" He turned back to Dean and feigned a look of hurt. "And here we are, such good friends."

Dean looked about ready to roll his eyes. "Don't you even want to know why you're here?" he asked.

"I'm sure you'll become very demanding soon, but it's so rare we get the chance to talk."

"That's because the more you talk, the less I believe you."

"Oh, that is rich coming from you. It's not as if you can say you're better than me now. You're just a common monster. You could have been so much more." Yes, that was it. Lay the groundwork.

Dean wasn't having it though. "What? Your blunt instrument? No thanks."

"Who would you rather belong to? Me or him? I could have protected you from this."

"I don't _belong _to anyone. That's something you never got."

"And you're willing to die in obscurity for your independence?"

"I have, and I will again."

Typical. Dean's overconfidence always threw a wrench in things. Not that Crowley would ever make the mistake of underestimating him. But it was time to get to the point.

"I don't think I can help you," Crowley said, doing his best to look indifferent.

"I'm not asking for help."

That was unexpected, but still something he could play. "But I want to. I like you, Dean. Maybe it was my brief brush with humanity or your maddeningly endearing stubbornness, but I wish you wouldn't throw your potential down the toilet."

"You still don't get it, Crowley. You only think in terms of power and ambition and getting ahead. I don't give a damn about any of that. The only thing I care about is saving my family."

Of course. Still the martyr. "Maybe you're right. You are _so _human."

"Guess I'll take that as a compliment."

"I knew you would. Well, what do you want then?"

"Information."

"You know you never get something for nothing."

"I am aware."

"What's the question?"

"Where is Meg's body?"

Crowley actually had to take a moment to be sure he heard right. "Meg?" he spat, not bothering to hide his disdain. "What do you want with her?"

"The location of her remains. Thought that was pretty obvious."

"What use could you possibly have—"

"Is there anything left of her, or not?"

Crowley raised his eyebrows. "Perhaps. If I deliver her to you, what's in it for me?"

"A gold star."

"Close. But I'm interested in something more substantial."

Dean's resigned expression said he had been expecting that. "What do you want?"

"An alliance."

"I thought you already had that with Sam's deal."

"That was just to keep you from killing me. No, I'm talking about a long term treaty. You're going up against the Alpha, and you'll need help."

"So, in exchange for helping me you want to... help me?"

"Something like that."

"Why?"

"Think about it. The last king of the monsters dead with you in his place. It has it's advantages for me."

"What happens if he wins?"

"Well, there is always some risk in war. I'm offering you the forces of Hell in addition to your little pet in exchange for... mutual aid."

"You fight my war, I fight yours?"

"Our interests align."

"For now."

"I'll throw in a clause about not bringing on the apocalypse or mass killings or anything. I just want to do my business in peace, and you want your precious humans to keep their blood inside their bodies."

"Is saving the world always this boring?" Emma interrupted. "'Cause I got the impression that summoning a demon was going to be more exciting."

Crowley smiled. "I'll write up the contract," he said. "Then you'll be going on a field trip."

"You couldn't just bring her to us?"

"Must I do all the work around here?"

"This could take a while," Dean said. "Crowley really likes his contracts."

Emma made a huffing sound and crossed her arms. "Men," she muttered.

* * *

**So, this is the longest story I've ever written, and it's far from over. Let me know how you liked this chapter, and happy Friday the 13th.**


	31. Allons-y

**Chapter Thirty "Allons-y"**

"I'll be back in time for your surgery," Dean was saying, but Sam didn't really hear him.

It seemed like in the last few days, everything had changed. Which was saying something after Dean turned into a vampire and took a vacation to Purgatory. It wasn't even that Dean was making deals with Crowley to bring Meg back. That really wasn't very surprising, or maybe Sam didn't care. He was more confused by the fact that Dean was talking like the idea of Sam going along had never entered his mind.

And of course it hadn't. Why would Dean take Sam anywhere when he was such a liability? Maybe he always had been.

Dean was still talking. "I think Emma needs to get out anyway," he said. "It's only a few hours away, but it should get her mind of things."

Sam honestly had no idea what Dean was talking about, but he wasn't interested enough to ask. It was probably the pain medication messing with his head, making it so he didn't focus the way he should.

"Come on, Sam." Dean's voice changed from his casual tone to one that was almost pleading. "Don't give me the silent treatment."

"Huh?" Sam finally looked across the room to where Dean was standing in his doorway.

"Did you hear any of that?"

"Yeah, you're going to Missouri to find Meg's remains and taking Emma with you. Wait, why are you taking Emma with you?"

"Let's call it building up an immunity."

"An immunity to what?"

"To her wanting to kill me."

Sam stood from his seat on the bed. "You never said anything about that—Did you?"

Dean actually smirked. "No, I was working up to it. I think it's best to keep her busy."

"Yeah, but... Dean, if she wants to kill you, you really think being alone with her is the best idea?"

"Yes, Sam, I really do. Maybe if she sees me as more of a person, it will help her. And if she does try anything, I can handle it."

"Can you? I mean, in a fair fight, you'd probably win, but I'm afraid you'd go easy on her."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. You couldn't kill her the first time, why should this be any different?"

"It's not. Doesn't the fact that she's been keeping it under control so far gain her any points with you?"

"Who's to say she won't snap, though?"

Dean took a step further into the room. "No one. There's no telling what any of us will do. I mean, take a look at some of the screwed up stuff we have going on around here, and tell me that Emma is somehow worse because she's fighting an instinct that she didn't choose."

Sam raised his hands defensively. "I'm just saying you can't trust her. You don't know _what _she'll do."

Dean shook his head. "Isn't that what trust is, Sammy? Maybe if I believe she'll keep it in check, she will."

"You think your opinion means that much to her?"

"I think it means something. I don't know how much. Guess I'll find out." Dean turned to leave the room.

"Wait." Sam followed after him. "Dean, at least take someone else with you."

Dean turned back to face Sam. "Who?" he asked. "I'm willing to bet I'm the only one who could match Emma in a fight right now, and anyone else would just get in the way."

Sam couldn't help feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut, and he knew Dean could see it in his eyes.

"I didn't mean—" Dean snapped his mouth closed and exhaled quickly, collecting his thoughts. "You're not at full strength, and neither is Cas. I don't like it, but it's true. Charlie might be some help, but if Emma is going to try to kill me, I'm gonna have to be the one to stop her. No one else can do that for me."

Sam nodded slowly. "I'm just not sure you will."

**~oOo~**

Dean wasn't surprised that Cas wanted to come along to Missouri. There were a lot of reasons Dean didn't want him to, not the least of which was Emma's instability, but he didn't want to say that. He also didn't want to see the disappointment on Cas' face if they couldn't find Meg. However, Dean used the same excuse he had used with Sam: that Cas wasn't in good shape and might get hurt if they ran into trouble. It was true, and a good enough argument that Dean didn't have to use anything else.

"I still want to help," Cas said as he watched Dean packing his duffle bag.

"Kevin might need your input with the angel tablet," Dean said. "And if there's any news on your grace, you'll want to be ready to jump on it."

With his back turned, Dean couldn't see the sad slump of Cas' shoulders, but he could almost feel it in the air around the room.

"I don't think there will be any news," Cas said. "We may have to accept—"

Dean turned around while still holding onto a long knife. He waved it like a wagging finger. "We are not _accepting _anything less than you getting back to normal. Gadreel will find something. Or Kevin. And if they don't, I will."

"Dean..."

Dean tossed the knife on the bed and a few steps closer to Cas. "Hey," he said. "I promised I'd work this out, and I will."

"You think that just by wishing something to be true, you can make it so."

"Isn't that why you like me so much?"

Cas gives Dean a funny look that Dean has always interpreted as uncertain amusement. "You are incorrigible."

"I don't know what that means, but I'll just go with 'awesome'."

"You might as well."

Dean smiled and turned back to his packing. Maybe Cas was just humoring him, but Cas wasn't very good at humoring people, so there was at least a little truth to what he said.

"I'll be gone less than a day," Dean said. "Benny and Jody should be here tomorrow too."

"What's your plan once they get here?"

"You talked to Gadreel about sending their souls to us?"

"Yes, he will be able to contain them much the way grace is contained when it is removed from the angel."

"So we just have to call him when we're ready."

"It's more complicated than that. He will have to bring them through the gateway, so it would be best to meet him there."

"Where is it?"

"In an office building. I've been there a few times."

"Then maybe you should go get their souls while we're finding the bodies. Then everything will be ready for us to bring them back." Dean zipped up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Think you can handle that?"

"Of course." Cas seemed surprised that Dean would ask. "I suppose it's pointless to tell you to be careful."

"Generally," Dean replied. "But go ahead if you want to."

Cas smiled faintly. "Be careful, Dean."

Dean smiled back. "I always am."

**~oOo~**

The angel boss set two glass-looking containers on the desk. He didn't look at Meg and Lenore as he sat down across from them.

"These will be able to contain your souls," he said tonelessly. "They are made from the same materials as angel swords."

Meg twisted a few strands of hair between her fingers. "What exactly are those materials?" she asked.

Gadreel looked at her as if surprised to find that a spider was speaking to him. "You do not need to know," he said.

"They won't hurt us?" Lenore asked.

Gadreel shook his head. "You will be perfectly safe until you return to Earth."

"Can't wait to get rid of us, huh?" Meg said.

"You do not belong here. As soon as Dean Winchester finds appropriate vessels for you, I will send you to him."

"What does that mean? Appropriate vessels?" Lenore asked warily.

"That is no concern of mine," Gadreel replied.

"I don't want to possess somebody."

"I do not think that is possible for you." Gadreel looked pointedly at Meg as if to say that she was another story.

"I have a question," Meg said, leaning forward in her seat. "Not related to us leaving. If you can tolerate my company for a few more minutes."

"I cannot say that it will be easy."

Meg shrugged. "Can't help that. But it's about Castiel."

Gadreel gave Meg his full attention. "What about him?"

"Sam said his grace was going away. You know anything about that?"

"We have been looking for his original grace for some time now. What does it matter to you?"

"I think you know. How close are you?"

Gadreel sighed, as if exhausted by this conversation. "It is impossible to tell. Metatron hid the pieces of the spell to lock Heaven, and since I killed him, their location is inscrutable."

"Nice going."

"He was about to kill Castiel and continue his megalomaniacal reign. I believe I made the right choice."

"Angel has a point. So what do you plan on doing?"

"I will continue searching. Perhaps even if Castiel's current form expires, he can be saved with what's left of his grace."

"You mean if he dies. Sam said he was dying."

"In more human terms, yes." Gadreel seemed slightly distressed by this admission as if he actually cared what happened to Castiel.

Meg nodded and leaned back in her chair. There wasn't anything she could do for Castiel right now. She didn't like the idea of relying on this Heavenly pencil pusher, but there was no other option.

**~oOo~**

The sun was behind them as they drove east toward Missouri. Emma slouched in the passenger seat of Dean's car, noting yet again how the vehicle itself seemed to emanate masculinity. The smell of testosterone permeated the upholstery, and the rumble of the engine screamed overcompensation.

Of course, Emma was over sensitive to it. Probably imagining things.

Aside from being a patricidal monster, Emma wasn't stupid. She understood the basics of logical thinking, and she knew her urge to kill Dean wasn't rational. He had never done anything harmful to her, even when she almost killed him. His existence wasn't some blight on society any more than the average person's was.

Knowing all this didn't make it any easier to spend five hours in the car with him. Emma tried to think about the mission, as she had decided to call it. They were going to find Meg which was a good thing in a relative sense. Bringing a demon back to life might not be the height of moral behavior, but it was probably a better use of Emma's energy than sitting around thinking of the most painful ways to rip out Dean's heart. He was a vampire, so he would live longer than a human sans a few organs.

Emma shook herself and sat up straight to look out the window. She needed some kind of distraction or she was going to go violently mad.

"Why couldn't the British guy just bring Meg to us?" Emma asked in an exasperated tone.

"Because he likes to be as unhelpful as possible," Dean replied, sounding equally annoyed. "I figured he'd send us wherever she was anyway."

"But if she's in the same place he killed her, why did we even need him to tell us that?"

"Because I didn't know he left her body there. He said he burned the crypt to the ground, so we'll probably have some digging to do."

Emma turned to face Dean. "What if we can't find her?"

He go that hardened look in his jaw and glared straight ahead. "We will."

Emma sighed. "You know, this whole willpower thing might seem inspiring to your other friends, but I find it rather irritating."

Dean glanced over at her. "Is there anything I do that you _don't _find irritating?"

"Changing the subject definitely doesn't qualify."

"What do you want me to say?"

"It'd just be nice if there was a little more, I don't know, actual thought put into these things. What happens if we don't find Meg's remains?"

Dean shrugged one shoulder. "She's a demon. She'll deal."

"You mean find a new body?"

"It's not ideal, but she's done it before. I did think of that before I dragged you along for this."

"See? You aren't as stupid as you seem, but you want everyone to think you are."

"Sets the bar low."

"It's ridiculous. Why can't you just be who you are?"

"Would that make you happy?"

"This is exactly your problem. Everything you do is about what makes other people happy. You're trying to be whatever people expect you to be, and you're better than that. You're among the most powerful creatures anyone knows of, and you act like..."

"Like a pathetic human?" Dean asked with a smirk. "You know, you're probably right. But that is who I am. I wouldn't know where to start being anything else."

"It'd just be nice if you didn't have to hide your insecurities about your intelligence by acting dumb."

"I can do smartass all right."

Emma rubbed her right temple with two fingers. "It might be an improvement."

"I don't think you actually know what it means to be a smartass."

"I get the feeling I'm going to find out."

"You asked for it."

"I'm beginning to regret every decision I've ever made."

"I can't exactly argue with you there. I mean, you chose to follow me in the first place which is something only people with a death wish do."

"I've noticed. Though, there seems to be a higher number of living people amongst your acquaintance than I expected."

"Let's see, we've got four, no five humans if you count Kevin's mom. And you. Three vampires, one angel, one demon, one ghost."

"It's almost even. Depending on how I'm counted."

"I think you and Kevin count on both sides."

"Then we _are _even in terms of the human to nonhuman ratio."

"Too many nonhumans if you ask me."

"You are one."

Dean suddenly got a very serious look in his eyes as he turned his gaze from the road to Emma. "Exactly."

* * *

**Kind of a filler chapter, but sometimes they're necessary. Let me know what you guys think of how things are going and anything you might like to see happen. I've got most things planned out, but there's always room for suggestions.**


	32. Father's Day

**Chapter Thirty-One "Father's Day"**

The sun had set by the time Dean pulled up to the pile of rubble that used to be the crypt where the angel tablet was hidden. He could see just as well in the dark (if not better) noting the place where he watched Meg die. He hadn't expected to feel anything at the memory, but the thought that he might not be able to bring her back suddenly hit him. For a moment, Dean sat in the car and stared at the spot, playing the scene over in his head again and again as if waiting for it to turn out differently.

"Don't tell me you have x-ray vision too," Emma said with an edge to her voice.

"What? No," Dean replied. "Just thinking. Come on."

He got out of the car and walked across what used to be the parking lot. Crowley had said that he tossed Meg's body into the building before burning it to the ground.

"You really think there will be anything left?" Emma asked quietly as she gazed down at the charred rubble.

"Only one way to find out," Dean said with more enthusiasm than he felt.

"Yeah, sure," Emma said sarcastically. "Let's just dig through this crap all night with no idea what we're looking for. What was that you said about being gone less than a day?"

"You wanna help or you wanna complain?" Dean turned to go back to the car for shovels.

Emma followed him, slouching her shoulders and shoving her hands in her pockets. "I'm really not sure how I feel about this parental tone you're affecting."

Dean opened the trunk and handed Emma the first shovel. "Guess it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"I have to keep reminding myself that you talk to everyone that way and not take it so personally."

"Or, you could, I don't know, take it personally." Dean closed the trunk and headed back to the demolished crypt.

Emma didn't say anything after that, which might have been a good thing because Dean didn't know how he was going to follow up what he said. He was asking her to start seeing him as her father, but he wasn't sure how to _be _her father. He hadn't had the best example, and she knew that. Maybe he could try to be more like Bobby, but the idea just seemed wrong. If Dean was going to start acting like a dad, he would have to do it his own way. Trouble was, he didn't know what his own way might look like.

Thankfully, he had plenty of distraction as he dug through the ashes and piles of debris. Emma kept up the whole time, often showing her superior strength by pushing aside a large block of concrete to see what was underneath.

Dean was beginning to see how hopeless this endeavor might turn out to be. He hadn't really planned this out very well. To her credit, Emma didn't say anything more about it as the night wore on. Dean got the feeling that her investment in finding Meg was outweighing her irritation at the moment.

It was past midnight when Dean finally stopped, stood up straight, and stuck his shovel in the ground.

Emma looked up from where she was digging with her bare hands through a heap of shattered rafters. "You're just giving up?" she asked angrily with a hitch in her voice.

"No, I'm thinking," Dean said.

"That's new."

"Quiet."

It wasn't exactly that Dean was listening for something, but it felt a little bit like listening. He stopped trying to block out the feelings that came so naturally to him now. He could smell Emma's aggravation, hear her blood pounding from the work and from her desire to kill him. It all mixed together in one chorus of sensations.

And then he felt it. Something new. Something _not Emma_.

Dean followed the signal, dragging his shovel along with him over mounds of wreckage. He was getting closer. To what, he didn't know, but it was something important.

It hit him like a slap in the face: the smell of sulfur right under him. He was standing on a pile of wooden scraps that didn't feel very sturdy. Dean quickly stepped back and started pulling pieces off the boards to see what was underneath.

"What is it?" Emma asked, having caught up to him.

"Sulfur," Dean replied shortly.

Emma didn't need any further explanation and started digging along with him. The boards had been covering up a stone staircase that led underground.

"It's pitch black in there," Emma said. "And probably unstable."

"I can see," Dean said.

"See what?"

"Bones."

**~oOo~**

Sam was supposed to be taking it easy, resting before his shoulder surgery. That was a bit of a problem. He couldn't sleep because his shoulder hurt, and he was tired of sitting still. He knew he would probably hear about it from everyone, but he decided to go outside and check on his herb garden since that was what he had gotten in the habit of doing when he felt useless.

It was late in the day, and Dean had already been gone for a couple of hours. The climb up the hill was longer than Sam remembered, and he was starting to regret the whole thing by the time he reached the garden. He felt lightheaded and rested against a tree to catch his breath. He was steadily losing his ability to deny there was a problem.

Looking down at his sad, neglected little garden, Sam remembered the last time he was here. He remembered everything Jody had said to him about continuing to fight, but this was different. Even recovering from a concussion, he had still been able to fight. Now, he was, as Dean put it, a liability. But Sam didn't want to go back to gardening and nihilism. He wanted to fight with his brother. The more he thought about it, the more Sam realized that he and Dean had been taking separate paths for a long time now. He couldn't be exactly sure when it started, but the decisions both of them made always seemed to lead to this. Then they would fight to get back to each other only for something else to come between them.

Not for the first time, Sam wondered if it might be a sign that the best thing for himself and Dean would be _not _spending all their time together. But they had tried that before, and it never lasted either. He didn't like the fact that he was somehow destined to perpetuate this cycle of their relationship, but he didn't see any good options. The only thing Sam could do now was pretend he was okay with sticking to the sidelines until it became true.

**~oOo~**

"So we're really doing the whole hunter thing?" Emma asked, adopting her usual posture of crossing her arms and slouching in the passenger seat.

Dean had just pulled into a motel parking lot after they found Meg's bones and packed them away in an old tarp in the trunk.

"As opposed to... what?" Dean replied.

"Nothing," Emma said. "I'm just having a little deja vu."

"So, if we go into a hotel room together you might snap?"

"I'm not going to snap," Emma insisted petulantly.

"Okay then. It's just for a few hours, and then we'll go home."

Emma didn't reply to that, and Dean decided not to press it. He left her waiting in the car, which he wouldn't have done except that she was a super strong warrior woman who was in no danger whatsoever. The guy at the front desk gave him a funny look for checking in at one in the morning, but soon enough, Dean had the keys to an undoubtedly tacky hotel room. Emma was exactly where he had left her, staring out the passenger window and refusing to acknowledge Dean's presence. When they pulled around to the room, she got out of the car and followed Dean inside.

Dean found that he was more tired than he would have expected. Years of sleeping only a few hours at a time had prepared him for life as a creature of the night, but he still needed some rest.

Emma, however, was less interested in the whole thing and sat cross-legged on her bed with a blank stare.

"You should try to sleep," Dean said, sitting on the edge of the other bed to take of his shoes.

"I will," Emma replied distractedly.

Dean didn't wait to find out whether she actually did. He laid down on top of the covers and within a few seconds, he was out.

The dark dreams that had plagued him for months came back right on schedule. Just as Dean was finishing killing his way through all his friends, he looked up and saw Emma standing on the hillside above him. She was perfectly still, and her knife caught the sun's reflection, shinning in Dean's eyes.

During his temporary blindness, Emma closed the distance between them and stood right in front of him with a cold, dead look in her eyes.

"You're a monster," she said. "You never loved me."

Dean felt all kinds of protests rising in his throat, but they were all cut off when Emma shoved her knife through his neck. Hot blood ran down his chest and over her hand. He choked, and his vision blurred.

Emma's stare never wavered. There was something so heartbreaking in her emotionless gaze. He had done this to her, broken her somehow. He drove her to this.

Dean woke with a gasp, and his hand went to his throat as if to check for blood. The light from the freeway came through the windows, casting an ominous shadow on the floor of a female figure twisting a knife in her hands. Dean sat up, ready to fight if he had to.

But he needn't have worried. Emma was still sitting on her bed, staring at the wall. Her eyes seemed more human than they had in the dream, but still had hints of murderous detachment.

"That didn't take long," Emma said in a low voice.

"What didn't?" Dean asked warily.

"You waking up. I was wondering when the nightmares would show up."

"What are you talking about?"

Emma turned her head slightly, still not quite looking at Dean. "All those times I took watch in Purgatory and you think I didn't notice?"

"Do I talk in my sleep?"

"No, you just... twitch. And wake violently."

Dean shrugged, mostly to himself. "It's not a big deal."

"I didn't say it was. It's just been going on for a long time now. Maybe it means something."

"I know what it means. I don't need to talk about it."

"That's fine. I don't really want to hear what kind of horrible things could trouble the mind of... well, you."

Dean got up from the bed and rubbed his face as if to wipe the sleep away. "Yeah, thanks."

Emma got up too. "Can we get out of here?"

Dean looked over at her curiously and then glanced around the room. "Is it that bad?"

"It's constricting. I feel... like I'm trapped in a box and I really want to hurt something." Emma tightened her grip on the knife.

"Okay..." Dean took a step back from her and put up his hands. "If it bothered you that much, we could have just left."

"It's a cumulative effect. I just need something to focus on outside of..." Emma looked down at the knife in her hand as if surprised to find it there. She stared at it for a second before putting it back in the sheath on her belt and crossing her arms over her chest. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

Dean nodded slowly. "I've got an idea," he said.

**~oOo~**

Contemplating the walk up the hill wasn't something Castiel thought he would be doing today, mostly because he didn't expect Sam to go up there, thus forcing him to consider the implications. Not that there would have been any implications if Castiel hadn't been feeling incredibly tired—a fact which he was attempting to keep to himself.

As he began trudging up the incline, Castiel longed for the days when he could fly anywhere he wanted to go without notice. Having spent a little time as a human, he knew all too well how weak they could be. This was worse. At least he had been a healthy human.

Castiel had never been out to Sam's herb garden. It wasn't something he ever consciously decided, but for some reason, he saw it as Sam's space. Though, at the moment, he was thinking this whole thing might go better if he had managed to stay closer to Sam when Dean was away. He had fulfilled his promise to Dean that he would stick around, but he hadn't exactly got any more involved in the relational side of things. Perhaps it was because Castiel had begun to identify in a strange way with Sam, and the thought made him nervous.

Castiel was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this train of thought, and wished the garden wasn't quite so far from the bunker. He never asked why Sam put it all the way out there, but it was probably some kind of attempt to find solitude. Which made Castiel's current plan all the more ill-advised.

It was partly selfish. Castiel wanted the company. But it was also because of what Dean had said at the hospital about how Sam would deal with being injured. Sam needed to find something useful to occupy his time. If Castiel managed to make it off this hillside, he could at least do something about that.

As expected, Castiel found Sam resting against a tree at the edge of his garden. His skin looked pale and clammy, and he had his eyes closed.

"I see you're not busy," Castiel said.

Sam opened his eyes slightly and glanced over at Castiel. "What do you want, Cas?"

"I thought you might like to go with me to retrieve our friends' souls from Gadreel."

Sam shook his head. "I'd rather not."

"He could help you. Dean wouldn't suggest it because he still doesn't trust Gadreel, but he's the most powerful angel left, and he's healed you before."

"Yeah, right before he hijacked me and killed Kevin." Sam stared off into the distance as if to indicate the end of the conversation.

Castiel was not remotely satisfied. "I didn't hike all the way up here to watch you feel sorry for yourself. If there's something you can do to help yourself, you should do it. And I want you to come. I'm tired too. It may go easier if we're together."

Sam finally turned his head to face Castiel with a look of surprise in his features. "Dean didn't put you up to this?"

Castiel shook his head. "Much like you, I was told to stay home and not do anything."

A faint smile threatened to break through Sam's sour expression. "Since when do we do as we're told?"

**~oOo~**

Leaning back against the hood of the Impala and staring up at the stars, Dean could almost think his life would go back to the sort of weirdness he considered normal. He knew he couldn't forget who was sitting beside him. Her very existence changed the meaning of "normal." But for just a minute, Dean shut out everything and let himself breathe, feeling the tingle of the night air against his skin, the steel and glass at his back. It was only a few hours until dawn. A few hours until Dean had to go back to what had become of the real world. Until then, he was determined to be someone else, to be the kind of person Emma might want as her father.

"Me and Sam used to do this," Dean said quietly after a long interval of silence.

"Sit in a field in the middle of the night?" Emma asked, seeming genuinely confused.

"Stargazing," Dean clarified. "It's relaxing."

"So you just sit here and don't talk until the sun comes up?"

"No, we can talk."

"Oh."

Dean knew he wasn't exactly the chattiest person, but he was surprised at how Emma seemed to expect him to be closed off. Maybe he had been keeping her at a distance all this time, but he didn't realize how it must have seemed to her. And considering he was technically the parent in this relationship, Dean figured he'd better be the one to start.

"Sometimes, we would spend the whole night like this," Dean said. "And yeah, there were plenty of times we were just quiet because there was nothing we needed to talk about. Times when everything was okay, or at least the world wasn't ending. But when the world was ending, we had lots to talk about. Sometimes we would talk about when we were kids and all the things we did when we weren't hunting."

Emma let out a sigh that Dean knew was unintentional. "I don't have memories like that," she said. "There's nothing in my past worth talking about."

"Not yet, but there will be. Like this. Maybe years from now you'll talk about when we went stargazing at three in the morning."

"If we live that long."

"If we don't, we could always have more good times in Purgatory."

"Might be better."

"You sorry you came back?"

Emma was quiet for a second. "I haven't decided yet."

"Still want to kill me?"

"Kinda."

"That's okay."

"Okay?"

"To be honest, I've had weirder things happen."

"Such as?"

"Oh, I don't know, my brother walking around without a soul. Or being possessed by Satan."

"Did he want to kill you too?"

"No to the first, yes to the second. He wasn't exactly the nice, cuddly Sam you know."

"He shot me," Emma deadpanned.

Dean coughed. "Well, yeah..."

"Aside from that, I guess he's okay."

"So you don't want to kill him?"

"No more than every man I see."

"So, not as much as me."

"No one more than you."


	33. Run and Remember

**Chapter Thirty-Two "Run and Remember"**

Sam's shoulder itched. Not like it did when the scabs were healing, but more like deep inside, like he would rather tear his arm off than keep carrying it around with him. He blamed the pain meds for this sort of thinking because he wasn't normally interested in self destruction.

Cas had driven them back to the office building where the angels camped out. The place had unnerved Sam from the beginning, but even more so now. He felt as if everyone were watching him, scrutinizing every thought.

_You deserve this_, their eyes said. _It's your own fault._

Cas walked through the door first, and looked back at Sam. When he did, he got his confused/concerned look. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Fine," Sam replied. "I just hope this doesn't take too long."

"It won't. This meeting was planned. We can go straight up."

"Good."

Sam didn't feel like explaining that the thought of seeing Gadreel at all made him want to run back home. It was stupid. Sure, the guy had possessed Sam, but it wasn't like he was trying to take over his mind again or anything. There was still that nagging feeling Sam had that Gadreel could read his mind and knew his every motive. Considering that Sam was very motivated by self pity at the moment, the whole thing was plain uncomfortable.

But Sam got into the elevator with Cas, and didn't say any of that. He tried to focus on their mission, but he couldn't make himself care about Meg and Lenore at the moment. He knew they had earned their ticket back, but Sam wasn't nearly as invested in saving them as it seemed everyone else was. And maybe that made him a jerk, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I let you say you're fine even though I know you're not because I don't know how to deal with it right now," Cas said suddenly.

Sam looked over at him in shock. "What?" He couldn't manage to say anything else.

"Your insistence that you are all right is obviously false, but I don't want to talk about it."

"Then why did you bring it up?"

"Because you should know that I'm not as stupid as you seem to treat me sometimes."

"Cas, I didn't mean... I didn't even think of it that way."

"I know. Your current problems are overshadowing any other thoughts. It's understandable."

"It's selfish."

"You're human. Humans are weak sometimes. It's not a fault."

"Then why does it feel like I'm failing everyone?"

Cas shook his head. "That seems to be a common theme with you."

Sam wasn't sure how to respond to that, but he didn't have to as the elevator doors slid open, and they stepped out into the top floor office. The first thing Sam noticed—aside from the face that haunted his nightmares—was the presence of two large glass jars on the desk full of swirling substances. One was an angry red-orange, and the other was cloudy black.

"Are you certain you will be able to restore them?" Gadreel asked.

"Dean thinks so," Cas replied. "He normally gets what he wants."

"I have noticed." Gadreel looked at Sam, and the latter felt his skin prickling.

"So that's them?" Sam asked, keeping his gaze on the containers and trying to focus on the job.

"That is correct," Gadreel replied. "As long as they remain encased, they can survive on Earth, but as soon as you open the seals, their souls will have to have a place to go."

"Like grace," Cas said with a wistful tone.

"Exactly."

"So we just take them back with us and wait for Dean to find their bodies?" Sam said. "Sounds almost too easy."

"The difficult part is over," Gadreel agreed.

"There's something else," Cas said, with a nervous edge in his voice.

"What is it, brother?"

Cas nodded toward Sam. "He has been badly injured. I thought there may be something you could do."

Gadreel harder at Sam, which only served to increase the tension. "I know," he said. "There is a darkness weighing on you, Sam."

Sam shifted uncomfortably. "It's just my shoulder," he said dismissively.

"What caused it?" Gadreel asked, narrowing his eyes in concentration.

"A Leviathan."

Gadreel actually looked surprised—and scared. "You survived the encounter?"

"I had help," Sam said vaguely.

"Still, that explains the darkness I felt. I may be able to heal you on a basic level if you want, but I cannot take away all the effects."

Sam didn't want to be here. He didn't want Gadreel touching him. But more than any of that, he didn't want this crippling limitation. He didn't want Dean to keep calling him a liability.

"Do it," Sam said. "Whatever you can."

Gadreel nodded and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. It felt like he was burning to death from the inside.

**~oOo~**

It was the sun in his eyes that finally woke Dean. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it should, but it definitely got his attention. He hadn't meant to fall asleep on the hood of the Impala, but he had been in more uncomfortable positions. He sat up and pulled the collar of his jacket up to keep the sun off his neck.

Of greater concern than the offensive light was the fact that Emma was nowhere to be seen. Dean quickly checked the backseat just in case she decided to sleep there, but she was gone. He scanned the field around him, but there was no sign of her. Her scent was even beginning to fade, indicating that she had been gone a while.

Dean got into the driver's seat and started the car. He had no idea where he was going to look, but he had to find Emma before something happened. What exactly he thought was going to happen was unclear.

As he reached to put the car in gear, Dean felt something crackling in his jacket pocket. He reached inside and found a slightly crumpled piece of paper with only a couple of lines written on it.

"_I can't keep this up. I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry to leave like this, but it's easier. Don't try to find me. It can only end badly for both of us."_

Dean stared at the words for a while, analyzing every syllable. He wished he could find some hidden meaning, but it was all very clear. Emma was giving up. She couldn't fight her instincts anymore, so she chose to leave instead. But that very action said something that she might not have fully understood. She could have just killed Dean, but instead, she chose to protect him from herself.

And damn if Dean was going to let that pass.

He shifted into drive and pulled out of the field, tearing grass and squealing the tires as he went. As soon as he got back on the highway, Dean headed for town. If she were still on foot, Dean might be able to catch up to Emma. She probably tried hitching a ride somewhere, but maybe she hadn't. Dean tried to think of where she might go if that failed. She didn't have any money or identification. She couldn't get far. Of course, if she had managed to slip a note into Dean's pocket while he was sleeping, she might have taken some cash from his wallet. She was smart enough she wouldn't just run off with nothing.

As he drove into town, Dean decided to check bus stops and train stations. He considered calling Sam, since he was supposed to be well on his way home by now, but what would he say? Sam would probably just tell Dean to let Emma go. That it would be for the best. And Dean's practical side was already saying that loudly enough. Another part of him questioned if maybe this was all for nothing. Emma could be anywhere. But the strongest impulse was to find her. Dean didn't know where it was coming from, but he had only ever felt like this when Sam himself was in trouble.

It was getting later, and Dean was wondering just how bad his sunburn would be when he stopped near the last bus stop he could find. As if in answer to all the questions he'd been contemplating all morning, there she was. Dean didn't have to think anymore as he got out of the car and hurried toward Emma. She was sitting alone on the bench with her hands resting on the edge causing her shoulders to jut forward. She looked like a lost teenager more than ever. Dean knew she was a powerful force, but at that moment, he wanted to protect her. He wanted to take her home and shelter her from all the ugliness she already knew too well.

"Emma?" he called out to her, not caring how desperate he sounded.

She had tensed up the moment he saw her, as if sensing his presence. "Stay away from me," she said, not looking at him. Her hair hung over her face like a shield.

"Not gonna happen," Dean said. He reached the shelter that hung over the bench and stood on the opposite side from Emma. "I'm not letting you give up."

"You don't get a say." She turned face him and her eyes began to turn red. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the concrete bench tighter. "It's my life."

"No, see, that's not how this works. You're, what, four years old? I don't think running away is the best decision right now."

"I'm not going to argue with you. I don't need your permission. I don't see why you care anyway—this makes your life so much simpler."

"You think I care about that? If I wanted simple, I'd never have come back here. I'd never have gotten to know you in the first place."

"And you would have been better off."

"Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not worth trying."

"I _have _tried. What do you think it's like for me? To know that you're a decent man and yet every second I want to carve out your heart and eat it."

Dean couldn't just ignore that. He knew what it felt like to want to hurt people so much but know it was wrong. But he could help Emma.

"You think running away is the answer?" he asked.

She shrugged and looked back toward the road. "It's the only thing that will keep you safe."

Dean didn't know how to argue with that. He had made the very same point countless times in various situations, and he always used it as a sort of trump card. As if whatever he did to protect the people he cared about was automatically the right thing. He couldn't tell Emma it wasn't.

"Where will you go?" Dean asked, moving to sit on the opposite side of the bench to get out of the sun.

"It's probably better if I don't tell you."

"Is that a clever way of saying you don't know?" Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe a little."

The thought of Emma out there on her own with nowhere to go made Dean feel a little sick, but he knew he couldn't stop her now.

"Here," he said, handing her the rest of the cash from his wallet that she hadn't taken already.

Emma looked like she wanted to refuse.

"It's still my job to take care of you," Dean said. "Trust me, this isn't enough."

Emma relented and took the money, stuffing it into her sweatshirt pocket. She looked back down the road past where Dean had parked. The bus was coming.

"Guess that's my cue," Dean said, standing and squinting in the sunlight. It seemed harsher than it had before. "When you get settled—"

"I don't think we should have any contact," Emma interrupted. "I just... I don't think I can."

"Worth a shot I guess." Dean couldn't let her know how much it hurt—the sudden realization that this was the end, that he would never see her again, that he even cared. "Take care of yourself, then."

Dean turned to leave. He didn't need to stand there and watch her walk away from him. He'd had plenty of family members do that before, and it was the same thing. It seemed like everyone was always running to something that wasn't him. Emma was running from herself which amounted to the same thing.

"Bye Dad," she said.

Dean didn't look back at her. He didn't have to. He knew what she was saying, and by letting her go, he was saying the same thing.

* * *

**Kinda short chapter this time because I really liked where it ended. Plus I was trying to finish the next chapter of my Arrow story, which I will hopefully post tonight as well if I have time to edit. It was getting me all confused with the past/present tense narration. Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter.**


	34. Human Nature

**Chapter Thirty-Three "Human Nature"  
**

The itching had intensified to the point that Sam almost thought he could learn to live with one arm rather than let this drive him crazy.

"Gadreel said it would fade," Cas said from the opposite side of the car as he drove them back to the bunker.

"He didn't say when," Sam replied tersely.

"Just try not to touch it for a while."

"That's not going to be a problem."

Sam looked down to see that his shoulder was still glowing through his shirt. The way Gadreel had explained it, there was some kind of cosmic battle happening underneath his skin. The Leviathan had left something in the wound like part of a tooth or a bit of blood that was causing whatever darkness Gadreel had sensed before. Now, Sam had an equal amount of angel power combating the darkness, and only time would tell how it came out.

Sam had to admit that it was a good thing he had gone to see Gadreel at all. If he had gone through with the surgery tomorrow, the doctors wouldn't have known what to do with him, and it could have been dangerous for them.

"This is weird right?" Sam asked, needing to fill the silence to keep from focusing on his discomfort. "I mean, you've never run into anything like this before?"

"Sort of," Cas said. "There was the trial sickness you experienced that Gadreel cured by possessing you, but that wasn't the same kind of... infection."

"I know, the trials were purifying, but the Leviathan left something evil inside me. Like the demon blood, minus the helpful powers."

"Leviathans are a different sort of being than angels or demons. I doubt if it's possible for me to understand them fully, and I was possessed by all of them at once. Or rather, we briefly shared a vessel, since angels can't be possessed."

"I think my head would hurt if I had any feeling anywhere _but _my shoulder."

"I'm sorry. There are some things I just can't explain in human terms."

Sam thought about that for a moment, remembering that the distinction between human and not human was more than just having powers or how one could be killed.

"I guess it's not possible for a human to learn Enochian either," Sam said, noticing a slight hint of disappointment in his own voice.

Cas looked over at him curiously. "I never thought to try teaching one before," he said. "No one's ever asked."

"Wait, so... you could? Teach me, I mean."

"Theoretically. Kevin already has some understanding of how the language works, but he wouldn't be able to explain it to anyone else. His prophetic knowledge is less tangible than what you know of Latin or Greek. But Crowley knows some Enochian, and he was once human, so it should follow that you would be able to learn it."

"I feel like an idiot for never suggesting it before."

"Why?"

"It could have been helpful in a lot of things. I mean, I know some wards and stuff, but I don't know what they _mean_."

"Is it possible you are just excited about learning something new?"

"I—maybe. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. In fact, I'd say it's a good thing. I just didn't expect you to find anything that would capture your interest. You've been disinterested in pretty much everything lately."

"No I haven't."

"Forgive me. Your interests have been limited to herbs."

"Are you actually being funny right now?"

"My point is that when I first met you, you were fascinated by anything new and different, but you have not been that way for a very long time."

"When you first met me, you hated me."

"That doesn't mean I wasn't paying attention. You were excited when Dean first introduced us. As if you had been waiting all your life to meet an angel."

It felt like it had been forever, but Sam remembered the day vividly. "I had," he said.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I suppose I was hard on you. I didn't understand your background. Only that at the time, you were considered something of a threat."

"I can't exactly blame you."

"Perhaps not, but now I do understand. And I'm glad you're interested in learning Enochian. You are starting to be yourself again."

Sam hadn't really thought of it that way, but Cas was right. In the past he had always been thrilled to learn of a new creature or being he had never encountered before. But lately, it seemed as if so many terrible things happened because of what Sam _didn't _know that he had lost his sense of childlike curiosity. He didn't know if it was really possible to get that back, but this seemed like as good a start as anything.

"So, should we start working on it when we get back?" Sam asked.

"You should probably rest," Cas replied, but he didn't sound like he completely meant it.

"I'm not gonna be able to sit still while this thing is still... going." Sam nodded toward his shoulder.

"That's true. I suppose we could go over some basic words."

Sam turned toward the window as he smiled as if he didn't want Cas to see how happy he was.

When the arrived back at the bunker, things looked much the same as they had before. Kevin was busy working on the tablet, and flickering in and out of visibility. Charlie's stacks of books had become higher, and she didn't seem to have anyone to help her anymore.

Just as Sam and Cas found a small corner of the library to start working in, Annie came into the room and announced that she had made dinner. As it turned out "dinner" was peanut butter sandwiches, potato chips, and beer. It was actually a lot like the way Sam grew up eating.

"Mrs. Tran told me to," Annie told Sam as she brought him his plate. "And speaking of which, why is everyone telling me what to do?"

Sam shrugged with his good shoulder. "Where is she anyway?"

"She said she had some things to do. Nothing specific. Oh, she told me to give you this." Annie handed Sam a large ring that she took out of her pocket. "Said you'd know what it was for."

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, Annie."

"Yeah, whatever."

Annie turned and crossed the room to the table where Charlie was working. Sam didn't blame her for her testy attitude. She had been left here with nothing to do but hide from vampires, and that couldn't how she wanted to live her life.

Sam turned his attention back to Cas as he started drawing symbols on a large notepad while Sam ate. Underneath those, he wrote the corresponding English sounds in the phonetic alphabet. Sam was glad he remembered it from studying Latin.

"I wish I had taken Chinese in college. That might make this easier," Sam said.

"No, it's nothing like Chinese," Cas replied absently. "It's more like Greek, actually."

"Yeah, I think I remember that from some of the spells I've done. Like the trials."

"The grammar is different. It's not nearly as well defined as a human language would be because it's not meant to be spoken with a human voice."

"I remember. I heard Michael once."

"That can't have been pleasant for you."

"It sounded like a high pitched jet engine."

"I suppose it would. I haven't heard it in a long time. I doubt if I could survive outside of this body at all right now, so I won't be speaking it any time soon either."

"Do you miss it? Your true form and all that?"

"Yes. I think about it more than I should. But it's like... like living in someone else's life. Seeing the world from a perspective that is completely different from how you really think."

"If Dean finds your grace will you be able to be yourself again?"

Cas shook his head. "We would have to completely undo Metatron's spell. If it's even possible. None of the angels can live for long outside of their vessels anymore. Our wings are gone."

"Is that metaphorical, or..."

"It's literal. Perhaps not _physical _as you would understand it, but the celestial equivalent."

"You know, when I first met you, this was the kind of thing I wanted to ask."

"Why have you waited so long?"

"I... huh." Sam laughed faintly. "I don't know."

**~oOo~**

Passing Bobby's old place on the way out of Sioux Falls brought back more memories than Jody needed right now. She had already revisited every inch of her past in the short time she spent here. She didn't need more reminders, especially in the form of a graveyard of cars. At least the house was too far from the road to see that there was no house anymore.

Thankfully, Benny was in the passenger seat trying to figure out the best way to stay out of the sun, and didn't notice Jody's mood. Soon enough, they had put the town behind them, and she could start to forget. She could think about what lay ahead. She would see Annie again, Sam and Dean, Castiel. They were the things that mattered in her life now. As long as she thought about them, Jody could function just fine. She had a job—to look out for them and help them fight monsters.

They still had a long way to go, and once Benny had settled in for the drive, Jody thought it would be best if she started the conversation. She might be able to avoid certain subjects that way. Plus she was curious.

"So, I've got a question," she said. "Possibly a series of questions."

"You haven't learned all there is to know about me in the past couple days?" Benny replied with a hint of a laugh in his voice.

"Hardly. I mean the pirate stories were fascinating, but I'm wondering more about recent life events."

"I'm an open book."

"I've noticed. After last night's adventure, I started wondering exactly how a vampire finds love in Purgatory. Seems like the whole idea is monsters killing each other."

"When you get the only two monsters in the place who actually help humans, the choice seems obvious."

"I get that you teamed up, but how did that turn into Romeo and Juliet."

"All right, first off, Romeo and Juliet killed themselves. Bad comparison."

"I don't know. You died so Sam could get out, and you said Lenore died because she didn't want to hurt people. Probably more noble reasons than teenaged romance, sure."

"Thank you. And at first, we were just allies. We protected each other because there was no one else we could trust. No one else saw things the way we did. And I guess that explains it. There aren't a lot of options for a vampire who doesn't hold with killing people. Most people don't believe in that one person, the only one for you sort of thing, but for me—and for Lenore—that's what is was. What it is. You can call it irony or fate or whatever you want that we met like we did, but the way I see it, it's a miracle."

For a moment, Jody couldn't say anything. It had been a long time since she had looked at someone and thought of them as beautiful, but that's what she saw when Benny talked the way he did. There was a kind of purity and reverence in his tone. For the first time in years, Jody really believed that love could overcome the evils they faced and the distance between life and death.

"Well, I see why she fell in love with you," Jody finally said. "You always talk like that?"

"Like what?" Benny asked.

But Jody realized the answer to her own question: like he came from another time.

"You're kind of a romantic aren't you?" she asked.

"You aren't," Benny said. It wasn't a question.

"Kinda hard to be when you see the worst of humanity every day of your life. And that's before all the monsters and demons came along and killed my family."

"People change."

She knew what he meant, but Jody also knew herself. "I don't," she said.

**~oOo~**

It was mid-afternoon when Dean got back to the bunker. The whole drive back, he had spent in silence, thinking about all the things he could have said to change Emma's mind. He always came back to the same conclusion, though: there was nothing he could have done. He had to start accepting that, but accepting things wasn't generally something Dean did. He was much better at denying reality long enough to change it. But he couldn't escape this. Emma was gone, and he'd likely never see her again. Dean couldn't explain why that bothered him so much to anyone else. He understood it in his own mind, and that had to be enough.

When Dean came out of the garage into the main hallway with a duffle bag full of Meg's bones slung over his shoulder, he was met by a rather flustered looking Sam.

"I've been trying to call you since noon," Sam said. "I thought something might have happened to you."

Dean stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked up at his brother. "Like what, Sam?" he asked.

Dean was in no mood for this conversation. He was tired and thirsty and a lot of other things he couldn't explain.

"Well..." Sam seemed reluctant to say anything as if hoping Dean would fill in the blanks.

"Well?" Dean repeated. He wasn't going to volunteer anything.

Sam sighed. "She's not with you, Dean. Did Emma—"

"What, did she try to kill me? That's what you're thinking, right?"

"Okay, you're late getting back, you don't answer my calls, and now you show up alone—what am I supposed to think?"

"Things took longer than I expected, and I turned my phone off."

"That still doesn't explain where Emma is."

"I've got no idea where she is. Happy?"

Dean started to move past Sam, but Sam followed him.

"Dean, what are you talking about?" Sam got that nervous edge to his voice that said he wasn't going to let this go.

"She left. Emma left. This morning. She's gone."

"Why didn't you just say so?"

Dean stopped again and turned to face Sam. "Because I don't want to talk about this, especially with you."

Sam frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Your first thought when things don't go to plan is that she killed me? she left because she didn't want to lose control, Sam. To keep me alive."

Dean continued walking, knowing that Sam would be all guilty and apologetic and not really caring. He should feel bad.

Of course, Sam didn't leave it at that. "That's a good thing, isn't it?" he said. "I mean, it solves the problem."

Dean stopped yet again. "You really don't get that I'm pissed at you, do you?"

"I just thought it was because you hadn't had a drink in a few days."

"That too."

"What did I do, Dean? Help me out."

"You—you never gave her a chance. From the very beginning, you didn't want her around. It's almost like you wanted her to try something so I'd have to kill her. You just don't get it."

"Dean, she's..."

"What? A monster? Like me? Except she's not like me, Sam. She was born like this. The worst thing she's ever done was that one time she tried to kill me. I can think of worse things I've done this week. You never saw her as a person. You never believed she could be anything but a killer. And even when you knew she was fighting her instincts, you couldn't entertain the thought that she might be good, that maybe people can change.

Sam didn't respond for a long moment. The two of them stood there in the hallway not looking at each other or moving.

"I'm sorry," Sam finally said quietly. "I never meant..."

"Let's just not talk about this anymore." Dean shoved the duffle bag into Sam's arms. "Take this down to the morgue. We can take care of it when Benny and Jody get back."

"Dean—"

"I've got some stuff to take care of, so..." Dean trailed off, knowing it sounded like a dismissal. That was his intention. He left Sam standing in the hallway as he headed toward his room.

Dean never actually made it to his room though. He passed by Cas' open doorway and saw that the angel was sitting on the edge of the bed looking through some old book. It wasn't until that moment that Dean recognized how much the scent of grace had permeated the bunker and how agitated it had made him. And by this point, Dean didn't care. He was too thirsty.

He didn't notice how slightly Cas protested at being pulled up by his coat collar or the way he struggled against having his head bent unnaturally to the side. All Dean saw or felt was the grace-infused blood pumping through Cas' jugular vein. Sinking his teeth into the soft flesh was as natural as eating a slice a pie.

* * *

**I meant to get this out sooner, but I was having troubles with computers, so it's a bit late. Also, happy third anniversary to the Underground Fanfictioners. You guys are awesome.**


	35. Regeneration

**Chapter Thirty-Four "Regeneration"**

The haze slowly faded away, and Dean's red-tinged vision returned to normal. His senses went from a muddled state of chaos to the more focused precision he normally felt. He still smelled blood and grace. It was on his hands, on his mouth.

Dean was standing over Cas where he had fallen halfway on the bed and half on the floor. Blood still seeped from the wound in his neck and stained the blanket. His eyes were closed, but he was breathing raggedly.

"Cas?"

Dean recognized in his voice the same cracking desperation that had been directed toward his brother so many times. At the same time, there was a hardness to it, an edge that had been there since Dean was changed. He felt the full weight of what he had done, but a small part of him still didn't care.

"Dean..." Cas' voice came out thin and weak.

Dean was in his right mind again. He remembered every moment since he entered the room. It wasn't some sudden break of character; it was what he wanted. He had wanted it since the first time he tasted Cas' blood.

"Oh God."

"I don't think... he will help us now." Cas opened his eyes and pulled himself further up onto the bed.

"I..."

What was Dean supposed to say? I'm sorry for trying to eat you?

"I'm growing weaker," Cas said. "I thought I would have more time."

"If I hadn't—"

"I brought this one myself."

"No." Dean shook his head and began pacing. "No, this can't be how it goes."

"You've consumed a part of my grace. I was always going to lose it anyway. At least this way I'm helping you."

Dean stopped pacing and looked down at his friend. "Cas, losing your grace and dying are two _very_ different things."

"Not to me. It feels like dying. Who I am is gone, and someone else walks away."

"You'd rather _die_ than be human?"

"I'd rather die than see you hurt."

"Only way I don't get hurt is if you live. I can go back to human blood from the refrigerator like Benny."

"But if you stop drinking angel blood, you won't be strong enough to fight the Alpha."

"Let me worry about that. Nothing's worth losing you, Cas. Hear me? Nothing."

"But you can't stop. Even if you wanted to you couldn't."

"I'm killing you. You understand that? I couldn't stop. I didn't _want_ to."

"I killed you." Cas said it so matter-of-factly that Dean almost forgot how horrible that was.

"So what is this? Punishment for making to you kill me? You're gonna make me... Don't do that, Cas. Please."

"Do we have any other choice? You can't stop. And I won't make you."

"If I kill you—"

"You won't."

"No, this—this thing that just happened? That's me killing you. You're running out of time, and..."

"I'm not angry at you."

"You should be."

"Isn't that my decision?"

"Cas, this whole thing was your decision, but _I_ went along with it. What I'm doing to you... you didn't sign up for this."

"Dean..." Cas finally sat up, though he still wrapped his arms around his torso as if to keep from flying to pieces. "I am prepared to make whatever sacrifice is necessary to help you. You have to live on knowing that this is what I want."

Dean shook his head again as if to knock those words out of his brain and pretend he never heard them. "I can't," he said. "Paint it however you want, but this is wrong. Feeding on you... Cas, I don't even know myself anymore."

Cas got that sad, pitying look in his eyes that he had the first time they met when he seemed to look into Dean's soul and know everything about him. "You're my friend," he said.

It contradicted everything that had just happened, and it didn't make anything okay, but seeing Cas like this, Dean decided it would have to do for now. He was still going to save Cas, and he was still going to hate himself for eternity over what he did, but there was no point in talking about it anymore.

**~oOo~**

When Benny carried Lenore's bones from Jody's truck into the bunker, he started to get a nagging feeling. It wasn't the sort of pessimistic doubt he usually had about these things, but more like a mixture of anticipation and disbelief. He couldn't imagine that this was really happening, that in a matter of hours or less he might see Lenore again.

Sam was in the morgue when Benny arrived, and upon seeing the place, he realized why Dean wanted to do it here. There were metal exam tables evenly spaced across the room which were perfect for laying out someone's bones like a jigsaw puzzle. Which was exactly what Sam was doing.

"Where's Dean?" Benny asked when he noticed the absence.

"Said he had stuff to do," Sam replied, not looking up from his work.

"Stuff," Benny repeated. "I think I know what that means."

Sam didn't seem to want to talk about it further, and Benny didn't blame him. The last time he saw Dean, they had not exactly argued about Castiel, but Benny got the feeling not much had changed unless for the worse.

Benny had plenty of other things on his mind, most notably their current situation. He didn't know why Sam needed to lay Meg's bones out the way he was, but maybe it would help. Across the room, Benny could see a faint glow coming from the crack between the doors of one of the cabinets. He wasn't sure what was supposed to be in there, but he knew what it was. He left the bag containing Lenore's bones on one of the tables and crossed the room slowly. As he pulled the doors open, he felt a pulling sensation, as if whatever was in there wanted out. The two jars sat side by side, and it was obvious which was which. The swirling black smoke seemed to pound at the glass while the red-orange almost liquid substance moved slowly around it's prison.

"It's funny, isn't it," Benny said, mostly to himself. "Not funny, but maybe a little too good to be true."

"That's a good way to describe it," Sam said.

Benny turned to face him and saw that he had stopped arranging the bones and was now starring off at some unseen speck on the the opposite wall.

"It's always too good to be true," Sam continued. "The first time you lose someone and they come back to life it's like a dream come true. You think this can't possibly be happening. And the next time you lose them, you're sure it's never gonna happen again. You couldn't be that lucky. And when they come back, you feel guilty for giving up. After that, it just gets... exhausting."

Benny shook his head. "You've lost more that most people," he said. "Maybe bringing Dean back is the universe's way of balancing it out."

"Or maybe it's all just a way to torture me. I mean, he's back, but for how long? He says he's only staying until the Alpha is gone. I've got weeks or months. And he's mad at me."

"For what? It's not your fault you got hurt."

"Not that." Sam rubbed his shoulder reflexively. "It's Emma. I... I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"She's family to him, and I know that, but I don't understand it. I killed her, and it was easy because she was just..." Sam laughs without mirth. "Just another monster."

"One thing I've learned in my long, long life—there's no such thing as 'just another monster.' There were five of us in Purgatory, and of those five, Emma was the most human. She was like a vampire that never tasted human blood. She was pure in a way that we weren't. And if you think about it, monster or not, she's Dean's daughter. You could say that he's a monster too, and you wouldn't be wrong."

"She left. Maybe it's my fault because I never gave her a chance, but there's no way I can make it right now."

"Dean's not gonna stay mad at you. He can't. It's not in his blood."

"He can hold a grudge for a long time, though. Maybe a year or two in Purgatory and he'll let it go, but I'll never know that."

"You could always just say you're sorry."

"I tried, but—"

"No, I mean after he's cooled down a little. He's got a lot on his mind right now, so he'd probably be glad to let it go."

"Maybe. It's not like it's the first time something like that happened."

"Oh, you mean how you hated me? I get it."

"It wasn't fair. It wasn't that I was afraid of you or thought you were evil. I just..."

"You resented me because I was there for Dean when you weren't. Like I said—I get it."

"It was stupid."

"We all do stupid things. I could tell stories for days, but I don't want to bore you."

Sam laughed half-heartedly. "You know, it's kind of funny. I didn't know Lenore that well, but I felt like she was my friend. We sort of saved each other. And you're a lot like her."

"Speaking of that." Benny glanced back at the impatient souls in the cabinet. "What are we waiting for?"

Sam looked like he had just woken from a very vivid dream. "I—I don't know. I guess we could start now. Cas might want to be here, but... you didn't know that, did you?"

"What exactly was I supposed to know?"

"Meg and Cas, they're sort of..."

"What? She never said anything."

"No, she wouldn't. Actually, I think I'm the only person she's ever told. Including Cas. I mean, they spent a lot of time together when he was crazy."

"I heard about that. The crazy part."

"You know what, we should just get this done. It's not like we need anything else."

Benny smiled as he turned back toward the cabinet again. Sam was still something of a mystery to him. There was so much going on in that overgrown head that Benny couldn't quite grasp. But at the moment, he decided not to care. He had much more important things to attend to.

As he brought over the jars, Sam poured out Lenore's bones on the second table. He didn't bother trying to arrange them like he had with Meg's, but that was probably more to keep him busy.

"Make sure you don't mix them up," Sam said, tossing the bag on an empty table.

"That won't be a problem," Benny replied, handing Sam the jar that held Meg's soul. "You remember the spell?"

"Yeah, I've done it a couple of times."

Benny and Sam recited the incantation in unison as they poured out the jars over the bones. Having less experience on this side of things, Benny wasn't sure how long it would take. He remembered Emma appearing behind them, so he looked around the room, but saw nothing. When he turned back to the table, he saw that the bones had changed. They seemed to be growing right before his eyes. But it wasn't that. They were coming to life, putting on flesh and blood and skin. It was working.

When Lenore's face finally materialized and she sat up on the table, Benny forgot about everything else. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. Benny smelled smoke and rich earth.

"I knew I'd see you again," she said.

Benny pulled her off the table so that she was standing facing him. It wasn't as if it had been months, but it felt like forever since he had seen her.

A sound from the doorway drew Benny's attention, and he turned to see Castiel standing there. He looked even more pale than usual.

"Hey Clarence," Meg's distinctive voice seemed to fill the room.

"Meg." Castiel's voice came out more like a breath than a voice. He moved to step forward, but his feet never caught up with his body, and he fell to the floor.

The other four were quick to rush to the angel's side. Sam turned him over to get a look. His breathing was shallow, and when Benny touched his arm, his skin was hot.

"What the hell is going on?" Meg said.

Sam looked at Benny, and they shared a knowing expression, but neither of them said a thing.

* * *

**I'm so glad to get this chapter out. A lot of things that happen here are things that have been in my head since the beginning.**


	36. The Angels Have the Phone Box

**Chapter Thirty-Five "The Angels Have the Phone Box"**

Dean left Cas to rest when he couldn't look him in the eye anymore. He knew they should be getting to the morgue, but he wasn't ready for people just yet. Sam was perfectly capable of doing the spell on his own anyway. Dean had orchestrated this whole thing to try to help, but the realization of his goal brought him no comfort or reassurance. Doing one good thing didn't make him less of a monster.

Dean took a long shower, which didn't help. It didn't wash away the dirty feeling that radiated from his insides. He still felt too good, too _fed_. He remembered the time he explained to Cas why he wasn't affected by Hunger. He had said that he was well fed. Of course, the truth of it turned out to be that he was dead inside or whatever, which apparently hadn't changed.

He avoided looking in the foggy mirror as he got out of the shower because Dean knew he would see the same thing there he had been seeing his whole life. He couldn't hide those dead eyes behind jokes and false laughter anymore. He couldn't hide from himself.

Dean let out a guttural scream as he swung his fist as hard as he could. It collided with the mirror, sending shards of glass all over the bathroom, cutting into him and dropping to the floor. He felt his own blood dripping from his hand and then gradually from the rest of the tiny cuts all over his body. It would take longer to clean up the mess than it would to heal.

Dean didn't bother picking up the glass or wiping the blood off the tile. He bandaged the worst of his cuts and got dressed. He needed something to do, something to let him believe he was useful for a while before he went completely nuts. He decided to go down to the morgue and see if the others were still waiting for him.

Dean had barely left his room when he saw the one thing he had been fearing ever since he came topside. It felt as if he were moving through water as he tried to get to the other end of the hallway where Benny was carrying Cas with Sam, Meg, and Lenore close behind. Sam hurried ahead to open the door to Cas' room, and as he did, he caught Dean's eyes with a sad expression. No one else even seemed to notice that Dean was there.

As he got closer, Dean felt a small sense of relief: he could still smell Cas' grace and hear his heart beating. But it seemed cold somehow. Dean hurried into the room with the others and saw Meg staring down at the fresh bloodstain on the blanket that covered the bed. She looked over to where Benny was laying Cas down and realization showed on her face. She turned to face the doorway where Dean was standing, and he felt certain that her withering gaze would drain the life out of him. He wished it would.

"Everyone get out," Meg said sharply, turning her attention back to Cas.

"What?" Sam said. He was standing at the end of the bed looking his usual, concerned self.

"You can stay," she said. "The leeches need to go."

"It wasn't them," Dean said.

Meg put up her hand to stop him without looking away from Cas. "Leave. Now."

Dean didn't wait to be told a third time. It felt as if he were failing Cas all over again as he walked away from the room. On some level, he needed to be there, to help his friend. But at the same time, he knew he would only get in the way. Even now that he was satisfied, Dean could never quite get the scent of Cas' grace out of his mind.

Meg was right to be angry, though it was jarring because no one else had reacted that way. They should have. Sam and Benny, they should have been furious with Dean. Maybe they were just better at hiding it.

There was no going back from this. No saying it was a fluke, a mistake. It had happened too many times for that to fly. It had caused to much damage. Cas wouldn't get better. He wouldn't bounce back. Dean had hurt him in the worst way possible, and he knew he'd do it again given the chance. Cas was going to die. Dean was going to kill him.

**~oOo~**

When Benny and Lenore left Castiel's room, Dean had already disappeared. Benny couldn't exactly blame him for wanting to be left alone to his mental self-flagellation. At the same time, Benny felt his own measure if guilt. He had told Dean it was a bad idea to feed on Cas, but he hadn't done anything else to stop it. It seemed that he trusted Dean too much to criticize him.

"It's not, is it?" Lenore said softly. "Not what I think it is?"

The very idea of Dean feeding on Cas must have seemed impossible to her.

Benny sighed. "I'm afraid it is," he said. "I told him it was a bad idea, but I didn't stop him. I was away, and I didn't think it would go this far."

"How did it even start?" Lenore still sounded like she didn't believe it.

Benny shook his head. "I don't know the details."

He was thankful for the distraction of reaching the kitchen. Jody was sitting at the table drinking coffee and looking just as bleary-eyed as she had when she woke up.

"All these road trips are gonna kill me," she said. "I think I'm getting old."

"Maybe you can sit the next one out," Benny said as he walked over to the refrigerator. "Now that we've got more help."

At that comment, Jody seemed to notice that Lenore was there. She stood up and offered her hand. "Hey, I'm Jody Mills. You must be Lenore."

Lenore smiled as she shook Jody's hand. "I didn't realize the Winchester's had a whole team now."

"It kinda comes with the whole vampire world domination plot. Everyone's safer together."

"Maybe not everyone."

Jody frowned in confusion, and Benny took that as his cue to step in. "Here," he said, handing Lenore a blood bag from the refrigerator before turning to Jody. "Castiel isn't doing well."

Jody nodded with a serious look on her face. "I was about to head to the library. I'll ask Kevin if he's found anything about getting Cas' grace back."

As Jody left, Lenore watched Benny with a curious expression. "She doesn't know?" she asked.

"I don't think anyone but me and Sam knew before today," Benny replied.

"But the bite marks? And the scent of it?"

"There weren't any visible marks before. And they can't smell it on Dean like we can."

"Right. Should they know? I mean, there's probably no hiding it anymore. Meg won't keep it quiet."

"I'm not gonna be the one to share the news."

Lenore nodded and reached for a glass to pour the blood into. "I guess Dean should be given a chance to explain before they hear it from someone else."

Even in the worst circumstances, Lenore was still giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. She busied herself pouring a drink and then went to put the rest away. As she looked into the refrigerator, her eyes narrowed.

"What's that?" she asked.

"What?" Benny moved to join her.

She was looking at two blood bags in the back that had a strange symbol written on them in black marker. Benny picked one up and smelled it.

"It's Castiel's," he said. "Why would he..."

"Storing it... He was storing it. For Dean?"

"Maybe. He could probably use it himself now."

"You think that would work? A transfusion of his own blood?"

"It's worth a try."

"Maybe we should give it to one of the others." Lenore tapped her chin thoughtfully as she walked back over to the counter and picked up the glass. "I mean, since Meg is in decapitation mode right now."

Benny closed the refrigerator and sat down at the table. "You're probably right," he said. "I didn't realize how serious she was about him."

A knowing look crossed Lenore's face. It was more of a slight nostril flare, but Benny knew what it meant. "She didn't talk about it because she didn't want to dwell on what she couldn't have. I suspect."

"You must have gotten to know each other more since you were alone."

Lenore took a drink and nodded. "You would think that."

"What, she kept up that prickly attitude? Of course she did."

"There were moments. But she never says exactly what she means. It's all just under the surface."

"Is that a demon thing or just her personality?"

"I think it may be the result of never trusting anyone with her true thoughts." Lenore finished off the blood and went over to the sink to rinse out the glass. "She didn't think we would get out. She thought you wouldn't come for us."

Benny got up and crossed over to stand behind Lenore. He put his arms around her waist and leaned his head against hers. "She doesn't understand," he said.

Lenore leaned into his embrace. "Love has been less kind to her," she said. "I didn't fault her for thinking that way, but I knew you'd get me out all the same."

**~oOo~**

Sam did his best to help Meg rather than getting in her way. He brought bandages for the bite wounds and cool cloths to help with the fever. A growing dread began to spread from his gut outward. That, combined with his still healing shoulder, made for the height of discomfort. Never mind the awkward silence. Meg didn't say anything except to bark orders. She had only been impersonating a nurse when Cas was crazy, but it seemed she had picked up a few things.

"He's getting delirious," Meg finally said as she arranged a fresh cloth on Cas' forehead.

She was right. Cas had gone from simply being unconscious to twitching an murmuring between ragged breaths. He seemed to be getting worse every minute.

"Is this even helping?" Sam asked.

"It has to be better than nothing." Meg sat on the edge of the bed and crossed her arms. "Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?"

Sam pulled up a nearby chair and sat down. "It wasn't. I mean, not until now. He had some issues before, but..."

Meg worked her jaw and stared past Sam. "So Dean did this. He made it worse."

Meg's voice came out hollow and emotionless, but Sam knew she had to be furious on the inside. She had told him how she felt about Cas. It always seemed a little strange to him that she confided in him, but he reasoned that she was about to die. Now, though, it was different. Now it was intentional. They had some kind of connection, and Sam was tired of connecting with people who had possessed him.

"He didn't know this would happen, and..." Sam didn't completely believe that, and he couldn't keep up the excuses. He sighed heavily and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "He knew it was dangerous, but I guess Cas was kind of insistent. And we've been trying to find his original grace. We may have a lead on that."

"Does that make it okay?" Meg asked with a hint of amusement in her voice. It was bitter though.

"I don't know." Sam rubbed his face absently. "I just know there was nothing I could have done to stop it."

"I don't know about nothing. I mean, there are plenty of sharp objects around here."

Sam glared at Meg, but made no response.

"Just my luck, I suppose," she went on. "Death is separation, isn't it?"

Sam thought of all those months Dean was in Purgatory and the thought of him going back there where Sam would never see him again. "Yeah," he said. "Something like that.

**~oOo~**

Kevin wished he could run. What he did was more of a flickering movement through the bunker. It was easy to find Sam because he still had the ring, but otherwise, Kevin felt a little lost. He had been away from this place too long, it seemed.

When he flickered into visibility in Cas' room, Kevin realized that he hadn't though all this through. Even though he was completely invulnerable, he still flinched when the demon lady threw a homemade spear at him.

"I should probably learn to knock," Kevin said.

"It's okay, Meg" Sam said, getting up from his chair. "We have a ghost."

"I'm not sure which makes me feel more special: being the Winchester's prophet or being the Winchester's ghost."

"You can have both."

Kevin grinned. "Yes, I can. I think I've figured it out."

Sam's eyebrows raised. "You mean you know how to help Cas?"

Meg came around the bed to where Kevin was standing. "What do we do?" she asked.

"I haven't quite gotten that far, but I've narrowed it down."

"How narrow?" Sam asked.

"I know where his grace is. Roughly."

"And?"

"Part of Metatron's spell indicates that all three elements must be kept together: the heart of the Nephilim, the Cupid's bow, and the grace of the one who collected the first two. Now, he could have hidden them anywhere, but they give off a lot of power, and in order for the gates of Heaven to stay closed, they have to stay inside."

"If that's true, then why haven't the angels found them yet?"

"Because only the one who performed the spell can sense the presence of the elements."

"So Cas has to go back to Heaven and find them?"

"He can't even stand up," Meg argued.

"I don't know how else to find it," Kevin said. "If the angels can't find it on their own, he's the only hope."

"But Meg's right," Sam said. "How is he supposed to make the trip like this?"

"He barely has any of his borrowed grace left as it is," Meg said.

"Dean." Cas' raspy voice startled even Kevin who was used to being the one sneaking into conversations.

Sam looked back at Cas who was staring at them all with glassy eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Dean can find it," he said. "I won't... make it that far... but he can."

"How will he know where to find it?" Meg asked.

"He has grace in him. He knows... my scent."

"But it's a different grace," Sam said. "I mean... isn't it?"

"It's still me. He'll find me."

Cas seemed to be fading away again, and Kevin got the feeling that if Dean were going to find Cas' grace, he needed to go now.

"So... where is he?" Kevin asked.

"I'll find him," Sam said. "You go over your findings again and make sure there's nothing else we need to know."

"Right." Kevin nodded. "Oh, which way is the library from here? I got kinda lost with all the... flickering."

Sam smiled weakly. "I'll show you."

As they left the room, Kevin couldn't help noticing the worried look on Meg's face. He didn't know her at all, but he knew what she was thinking: that they would fail, that Cas would die before Dean got back. She had the look of someone who expected the worst.

* * *

**I am very excited about where this story is going. I've always planned it this way, but it's nice to finally be writing these ideas that have been in my head since last year. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. **


	37. The Eleventh Hour

**Chapter Thirty-Six "The Eleventh Hour"**

After Sam returned Kevin to the library, he went in search of Dean. He wasn't in his room, but Sam wasn't really expecting him to be. He was about to go down to the garage when he met Benny and Lenore in the hallway.

"How is he?" Lenore asked.

Sam sighed. "Not good. Have you guys seen Dean?"

"No, but we might have found something that will help Castiel."

"Really?" Sam couldn't help feeling a little excited. Maybe Dean wouldn't have to go find Cas' grace if the angel could do it himself.

"Cas has two pints of his own blood in the refrigerator," Benny said. "He may have been saving it for Dean, or just in case. He can probably use it now."

"He may be able to go himself then," Sam said.

"Go where?" Lenore asked.

"Heaven. Well, temporarily. Kevin found out that his grace has to be there to keep the spell intact, and only Cas—or possibly Dean—would be able to sense where it is."

Lenore nodded knowingly. "He's not strong enough to travel now, but he might be if he used the blood."

"I'm gonna go see what he thinks. Assuming he's conscious."

"We'll find Dean," Benny said.

They hurried off in the direction Sam had come from and turned as if to go outside. Sam wasn't sure when he completely lost any understanding he once had of his older brother. Maybe that was why Dean and Benny got along so well. They understood each other in a way Sam couldn't. Still, Sam should have thought to check outside. He was still operating as if Dean were human, but all that time in Purgatory and the overwhelming smells inside the bunker would certainly make Dean want to get out.

Sam tried to put those thoughts out of his head for the moment. There was nothing he could do to fix things with Dean until they actually had the chance to talk about it, but he could try to help Cas, and that was almost the same thing.

When he got back to Cas' room, Meg had taken over the chair. Her feet were propped up on the edge of the bed almost touching Cas. She had her arms crossed tightly across her chest, and she was watching him without blinking.

"Possible good news," Sam said.

Meg turned to look at him with an emotionless gaze. "Where's Dean?" she asked.

"I don't know, but Benny and Lenore found that Cas stored some of his own blood in the refrigerator. They're looking for Dean now, but we may not have to send him for Cas' grace if his blood can make him stronger."

"Will it be enough?"

Sam shook his head. "I don't know. I never asked how much..."

"How much Dean drank?"

"Yeah."

Meg shook her head in disbelief and turned back to Cas. "You're supposed to be the good guys."

**~oOo~**

The real world was like the shock of cold air after holding one's breath for years. Lenore could feel every whisper of breeze across her skin. The trees had life and sound. Birds chirped, and insects crawled, and it was all real. It took a moment for all the sensations to quiet down so she could walk straight. Even though her life before Purgatory had been miserable, she had forgotten how good it felt to be alive.

The clouds were thick enough that the sun didn't hurt as much as it normally would. It took some time for her eyes to adjust, but her layers of clothing helped keep her from burning. There was still a sense of danger as she walked through the trees with Benny, but she soon realized that it wasn't a holdover from Purgatory. It was Dean.

They found him standing along a ridge, looking out at something in the distance. He didn't turn to face them as they approached, but he had to know they were there. Lenore wasn't sure what made her do it, but she began walking faster, passing Benny, and soon came to stand beside Dean. There was nothing to look at except for more woods, which she had seen enough of. It was the tightness of Dean's jaw, the twitching muscles in his neck that caught her attention.

"There's a way to make him better," she said. "And we may need you to do it."

"I can't help," Dean said in a dead voice. "I only make things worse."

"You may be the only one who can help. There's one thing we can try first, but if that doesn't work, it all comes down to you."

"I know when you're just trying to make me feel better. I can smell it."

"She's right though," Benny said from behind them. "Cas stored his own blood, I'm assuming for you, but it might make him better. If not, then you've got to go get his grace."

Dean turned to face Benny. "You know where it is?"

"It's in Heaven. I don't know why, but Sam says you or Cas has to be the one to get it, and if we can't get him on his feet, you're it."

"This whole thing wouldn't have happened if I hadn't come back."

"Then fix it."

"It's never going to be fixed! We can save his life, but he'll never be able to get away from me. It's like you said—I can't get that taste out of my mouth, out of my head. I'm trying to control whatever this thing is inside of me, but it's winning."

"Then fight harder," Lenore said, and it wasn't just words for her. "Just because you've failed doesn't mean you get to give up."

"Not like you?" Dean asked, turning to face her.

She couldn't argue with that, but it brought up some ugly memories. Dean had to know that. He was distracting her with her own past. "Not like me," she said, pushing aside the hurt. "Because you're stronger than me. You're stronger than all of us. Saving the world, killing the Alpha—it's not gonna happen until you're strong enough to fight yourself."

"What if I'm not?"

"Then you're not," Benny said. "But there's only one way to find out."

It felt like a bit of good cop/bad cop the way Lenore and Benny kept switching between sympathy and bluntness. It seemed to be working, though, because Dean was at least talking about it. He closed his eyes and let out a long breath through his nose.

"I'll do whatever he needs me to do," he said. "But it may not make a difference."

"That's the spirit," Benny said with a sardonic smile.

**~oOo~**

It took a while for Sam to leave again. Castiel spent most of that time pretending to sleep, occasionally actually drifting off. It didn't come naturally, but he was exhausted enough that it became unavoidable.

It wasn't so much that Castiel didn't want Sam around, but there were things he wanted to say to Meg that just wouldn't feel right with an audience. At least, that was his impression given how often humans chose to have personal conversations privately.

The rattling of the door brought Castiel back to consciousness, and he saw that he and Meg were alone. He had heard the previous conversation about the blood he had stored in the refrigerator, but he wasn't planning on commenting on that until Dean came back. He would be back eventually because Castiel needed him. It was just something Dean did. At the moment, that wasn't Castiel's main concern.

Meg had been keeping herself busy by staring at him and checking his bandages every once in a while. It reminded him vividly of how she watched over him in the mental hospital and why he fell in love with her. It wasn't all that sudden, but Castiel realized that was the first time he had thought it in so many words. He hadn't let himself believe it because of what they were, because they would inevitably be separated. But it was different now. He might die, and she was alive, and she had to know it wasn't all in her imagination.

"Meg?" he said.'

She sat up straighter in the chair and uncrossed her arms. "You should rest," she said.

"Yes, I've been resting. I wanted to talk to you."

"We can talk later."

"Why don't you want to talk now?"

Meg frowned as if she hadn't been expecting that. "I didn't say that."

"But it's true. You don't want to talk because you don't want to know. One way or the other, you don't want to know. You think I might die, and if I do, you'd rather not know."

Meg shook her head. "I already know. Maybe reality isn't quite what you think it is, but I've never been good at lying to myself. Other people, yeah, but no myself. You can say whatever you want. You can say you love me, but I can't believe it."

There was a sinking feeling in Castiel's chest. He couldn't understand why she would think that. "If you think—"

"I don't think; I know. No one will ever be as important to you as the one who put you here. You can't love anyone because he always comes first. I knew that before, but it's more obvious now."

"Dean needs me," Castiel said. "I can't really explain it."

"That's fine. I don't want the details. You're just gonna sit back and let him suck you dry while he plays hero. And it's gonna keep happening until you die and he hates himself, which is nothing new. But there's something I learned a while back: this world is better with you in it. I don't know what that means or why I care, but it's important. And you're throwing it away on him. He doesn't love you. He doesn't know how to love anyone. He's had plenty of chances to screw up saving the world. What makes this time any different?"

Everything Meg said was everything Castiel didn't want to think. He had to keep telling himself that Dean would save him and save everyone else. Without the angelic power he was consuming, Dean wouldn't be able to do that. But that was all beside the point. Meg needed to know that Castiel did love her. It was something completely unrelated to Dean. And something Castiel would have to prove.

"I'll show you," he said. "When I'm better, I'll show you."

"Don't waste your time on me," Meg said, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms again, as if to say the conversation was over.

**~oOo~**

Going back to the scene of the crime wasn't high on Dean's list of stuff he wanted to do, but he knew he would have to. Especially now that there was a possibility of saving Cas and fixing all this. Somehow, even with all the power he knew he had, the thought of facing Meg's wrath still scared him a little. Maybe because he knew she was right. It seemed like she was the only person around here who was thinking about what was good for Cas. It was unsettling to think that even at his worst, everyone else still followed Dean. They trusted him and overlooked his mistakes. It was bound to get somebody killed.

Sam was coming from the opposite direction when Dean entered the hallway toward Cas' room. He was carrying a bunch of medical supplies, including Cas' blood. Dean couldn't see it, but he could smell it. His fingers twitched and for a second, he forgot why he was there.

"You okay?" Sam asked, looking curiously at Dean.

"Fine," Dean replied, hurrying to catch up to Sam in from of Cas' door.

Sam didn't press, though he must have known it was a lie. Instead, he opened the door, and they both went inside. As they did, Meg glared at Dean, but at least she didn't yell at him this time.

"I think I've got everything we need of the transfusion," Sam said.

"It won't work," Cas said, sounding surprisingly alert for someone who had collapsed a few hours ago.

"What do you mean?" Meg insisted. "If the blood loss makes you weak, then this should make you stronger."

"It's not enough to replace what I've lost. That's not why I saved it."

"We know why you saved it, but you need it more."

"I still won't be strong enough to make the trip and still find my grace. I might make it to Heaven only to fade away."

"Then Dean can go," Sam said. "But we should still give you the blood."

"No. No, he needs it." Cas looked directly at Dean as he said this.

Dean wished he could sink into the floor. "I've had enough," he said, looking anywhere but Cas' eyes.

"For a typical day, yes, but not for the trip to Heaven. Kevin said that only I would be able to sense my grace, but if you have enough of me in you, then you can too. It's the only way. If you hurry, everything will be okay."

"What part of this is even remotely okay?" Dean didn't notice exactly when his voice got louder, but he couldn't seem to stop. "Everything that's happening here is my fault, and it's not gonna stop."

"Actually, this is mostly my fault," Cas said matter-of-factly. "I'm the one who trusted Metatron and lost my grace in the first place. I'm the one who took another angel's grace. And I'm the one who made you drink my blood because I couldn't save you. Nevertheless, please trust me that this is the best way to make it right. My decisions have brought me here, so it should be my decision how the matter is resolved."

"But if I don't make it back in time—"

"You will." Cas looked over at Sam. "Give it to him."

Sam looked like he wanted to argue, but Cas had that unblinking stare going on that no one could refuse. Sam dug through his supplies and pulled out the two blood bags.

"You're sure about this, Cas?" he asked.

"Yes," Cas replied.

Meg made a huffing noise. "This is how the world ends," she said. "With everyone in such a hurry to bleed for Dean Winchester."

* * *

**I meant to get a little further in the story than this, but the chapter kept getting longer, so I'll have to save the rest for next week. I promise it will be good.**


	38. Doors of the Soul

**Chapter Thirty-Seven "Doors of the Soul"**

Dean made lots of promises. None of which he could exactly remember as he was drinking down the last of the blood Cas had saved. He had probably said that he wouldn't fail, that he would save Cas. Right now, he didn't care. The metallic tang of grace flavored the blood in a way that made humans smell like water. Like nothing.

It took a few minutes to come down after drinking that much blood. For a while, Dean felt weightless, like nothing could touch him. He was sure that if someone tried to hurt him in this state, they would be dead before they even finished the thought. What was he becoming? He wasn't just a vampire anymore. He wasn't a demon either. The grace was changing him, but whether that was a good thing was another question.

After what seemed like forever and no time at all, Dean remembered where he was and what he was doing. Sam was waiting outside his door to take him to the angels. They were in some office building in town now, and Sam knew the way. He was silent as he walked down the hallway with Dean trailing behind. He rolled his shoulder every so often, indicating that it wasn't completely back to normal. Dean wanted to ask. He wanted to know how it was coming along, but he couldn't right now. He couldn't have an even halfway normal conversation with all that was going on. Never mind that he and Sam had argued, and it seemed really silly now. Not that Dean's feelings about Emma had changed, but she was probably better off far away from him, so the whole thing was a moot point. And Dean didn't have much of a right to be offended or angry at anyone right now.

Dean let Sam drive. He was in more of a stare blankly out the window kind of mood right now anyway. Several times, he heard Sam take a deeper than normal breath as if he were about to say something, but he never did.

When the got to the office building, Sam went right up to the counter.

"I called ahead," he said. "About Castiel."

The woman/angel at the desk looked slightly shocked, but Dean realized it wasn't by what Sam said. It was him. They probably weren't used to seeing vampires in the lobby, and they must have sensed Cas' grace on him.

"Of course," she said, managing to recover. "You can go right up." She gestured toward the elevator doors.

Dean looked at Sam. "Up?" he said.

"It's just to Gadreel's office," Sam replied. "The gateway is up there."

"Right. You coming?"

"No, you should go alone. Just remember that time in Heaven doesn't work exactly like ours, so... hurry."

"I don't need to be told."

Dean started walking toward the plain metal doors, and he instantly wished Sam were coming with him. It didn't feel right to be going on his own, to have this solo mission. That wasn't how he operated. The elevator doors opened, and Dean stepped in. He turned to face outward and saw Sam standing there watching him. Dean wasn't sure why, but this felt like a step he could never come back from. Things were changing, and this was one of those points of no return. The doors began to close, and soon, Sam disappeared completely. Dean was alone.

The ride up was long and solitary. The elevator didn't stop at any other floors along the way. Dean wondered what was on all of them. When the doors finally opened on the top floor, Dean found himself in a large office. There was a plain looking desk and a few chairs, and the walls were covered in shelves and drawers. There was another door to the left that didn't seem the least bit significant to the eye, but Dean could feel the energy coming off it in waves. It was the gateway.

Gadreel was sitting behind the desk. Dean remembered the last time they had met, he was trying to kill the guy. He wasn't exactly sorry, but he couldn't focus on that now. This was his only shot at saving Cas.

"You have fallen far since we last met," Gadreel said sadly.

"I wouldn't say that," Dean replied, approaching the desk. "Last time, I took the First Blade to your chest. This is an improvement."

"That much is true. Would you care to explain this development?"

"I'd never ask you for help. I don't trust you as far as I can throw you, but I'm not asking for me."

Gadreel nodded. "Castiel is in trouble."

"You know his grace is fading. He's dying."

Gadreel frowned and didn't say anything for a long time. He never took his eyes off Dean. "You ask me to help your friend, but it's more for yourself than you admit. You have drunk his blood?" Gadreel was becoming increasingly mortified as he spoke.

"It wasn't my idea," Dean argued, but it felt weak. "And it wasn't a good one either. But I know what I am. There's no saving me. But you can save Cas. So, yeah, it is for me. I don't want him to die. I'd rather rip out my own heart."

"And if I help you find his grace you will continue feeding on him?"

"You get that this is complicated, right? There's something out there that wants to kill a lot of people, something more evil than me. Cas wants to help fight that. I know I'm already damned; he doesn't have to be."

"Assuming that I am amenable to this arrangement, there is still the problem that I do not know where Castiel's grace is."

"But you've got access. We know it's in Heaven somewhere. I'll be able to sense it."

"Yes, of course. Of course I will help you. But I beg you would consider the path you are taking. It is dangerous."

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know. Look, Cas doesn't have much time. This has to be now."

Gadreel nodded and stood up. "Follow me." He walked over to the plain wooden door. "Metatron's office has been archived. We can start there."

Gadreel opened the door, and inside, Dean saw a funnel of light, stretching upward. Something about it pulled him in, while the darker part of his nature resisted. This was going to be a bumpy ride.

**~oOo~**

Sam sat in the car outside the office for a long time. He knew Dean wouldn't be back right away—that he would call him once he was—but somehow, he needed to be here. Eventually, Sam forced himself to start the car and drive away. He got the strange sensation that he wouldn't see Dean again. He didn't know where that came from. With all that was happening, the thought of never seeing his brother again, wasn't high on the list of Sam's worries. He wouldn't leave while they still needed him. Even if he got stuck somehow, he would find a way back. But logic didn't seem to apply to this feeling.

Sam mulled it over as he drove back to the bunker. It didn't make any sense, but nothing made much sense right now. When he got back, Sam's first thought was to check on Cas, but Meg was with him, and unlike a lot of the bunker's residents, Sam was still human and needed to eat. Jody had made dinner and left some in the kitchen for Sam. Everyone else was still working in the library or sleeping.

Sam had just dished himself a plate and stuck it in the microwave when Kevin flickered next to him. Sam was too tired and mentally bogged down to be shocked.

"What took you so long?" Kevin asked. "I got tired of waiting."

"What?" Sam replied. Then he remembered the ring in his pocket. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to drag you with me."

"I don't mind so much, but I figured you didn't exactly want me there."

"It wasn't..."

"I know, Sam. You don't have to explain. But is something else bothering you. I mean, there's enough to make a very long list right now, but—"

"No," Sam interrupted. "I mean, no more than the obvious."

"I've watched you for a long time. I can tell when something's up."

"It's just... a funny feeling, I guess."

"Don't ignore it."

"I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out what it means."

Kevin shrugged. "Personally, I think Cas knows more than he's said about this whole thing. Like maybe there's another reason he wanted Dean to go."

"You mean besides being incapable?"

"Was he though? I mean, I'm not a doctor, and I certainly don't know how angel medicine works, if there is such a thing, but that transfusion should have made him able to go."

"How do you know about all this, anyway?"

"I lurk. Ghost, remember?"

"Right."

The microwave timer went off, and Sam pulled his food out. "I'll talk to Cas later," he said. "Maybe I can think of an excuse to get Meg away from him."

"Good luck."

Kevin flickered out, but Sam knew he was still there, just beyond the scope of human perception. It made him feel less alone, and yet it was unsettling as well. Maybe it was the all too familiar experience of ghosts going bad that Sam was dreading. As if he didn't have enough to worry about.

**~oOo~**

When the near vomit-inducing spinning finally stopped, Dean found himself standing in another office. This one had no windows, the the furniture was much darker and older looking. The place had more the feel of a professor's study than a CEO's office.

Gadreel closed a door behind them, and Dean realized that was where the portal let out. But he soon forgot about that as the overpowering scent of grace assaulted his senses. How was he supposed to find Cas in all this?

"You really think Metatron would have kept the pieces of the spell in his office?" Dean asked.

"There is only one way to know for sure," Gadreel replied. He walked across the room to another door. "Follow me."

They moved out into a larger room full of desks and angels working away at whatever it was they did. They looked up as Dean passed with mixed expressions of confusion and disgust. Dean avoided eye contact because he was certain they would all know his stray thoughts comparing them all to cheeseburgers.

They stopped at the opposite end of the room, and Gadreel put his hand on a small orb that sat on a pedestal at the end of a row of gray doors. The orb lit up and changed colors a few times and a light came on above the third door."

"This way," Gadreel said.

The walked through the door, and Dean instantly knew they were in the right place. There was a mind-numbing smell permeating the whole room. It was like Cas was in the walls, in the air. He was everywhere. Dean's mind went back to his dreams, all those thoughts of destroying Cas that never seemed to completely go away. This was what it felt like. Like the light wouldn't die.

"Dean?" Gadreel's voice barely permeated the haze. "You sense it?"

Hell yeah, did he sense it. But where was it? How was he supposed to release it. "It's here," he said. "But... It's like it's everywhere."

Gadreel got a vague look of realization on his normally expressionless face. "Metatron must have suspended the elements in the space of the room. If we had destroyed it..."

"The spell would never be broken. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate that guy?"

"No, but I understand the sentiment. However, this poses a problem."

"Why?"

"The elements can be released, but without somewhere to go... Castiel's grace will simply dissipate."

"What? No, there has to be some way to contain it. Like those little vials you guys use."

"That only works when the grace is poured into them, but Castiel's grace is all around us. breaking the suspension will simply release it like cloudburst. There is no way to contain it."

Dean felt a painful tightening in his chest. "There must be a way. We can't just let him die."

"The only way to contain it would be for Castiel himself to absorb it. That is where it wants to go. Otherwise, it will fade.

Dean tried to think. There had to be an answer to this. A way to transport the grace back to Earth to save Cas. He thought of all the times he had dealt with angels in the past and how they moved from one place to another, how they took human forms. Then it hit him.

"I can take it," Dean said.

Gadreel made that confused frown of his. "What?"

"I'm a vessel. I can take it to him. Right? I mean, I was supposed to be for Michael, so a normal angel like Cas shouldn't be a problem."

"But you are..."

"A vampire? Yeah, and you and Crowley possessed Sam at the same time, so I don't think there's some rule that a vessel has to be entirely human."

"It creates a paradox."

"What do you mean?"

"Allowing Castiel's grace to possess you would split his consciousness in two. There's no way of knowing if it could be put back together."

"You said yourself that there's no way to contain his grace. It's this or let him die, and that ain't an option."

Gadreel nodded slowly. "No, you are right. It is only... this is a dangerous compromise."

"You're talking to the guy who's been drinking angel blood. Compromise is my usual method."

"This does not fill me with confidence."

"When everything goes pear-shaped, you can just blame it on me. So, what do I do?"

Gadreel waved his hand in the air, and a small piece of parchment appeared with Enochian symbols on it. He took it and handed it to Dean, and the markings changed to phonetic spelling.

"As soon as I leave, recite this aloud," Gadreel said. "It will release the elements and the grace will want somewhere to go. All you have to do is say yes."

Dean thought of all the time he had resisted Michael, and now he was willingly letting something possess him. But this was Cas. After everything they had been through, Dean trusted Cas in a way he had never trusted anyone else. This was the ultimate test. Dean had always placed so much value on his own free will that the thought of giving it up, even temporarily, terrified him.

There was nothing else to do. Gadreel left the room, and Dean read out the incantation. He was expecting the floor to start rumbling and glass to shatter, but the only thing he could feel was a sort of hesitant nudging sensation and an overwhelming sense of calm. It was something Dean had never felt before and it took a moment to realize what it was—peace.

The thing didn't exactly speak, but Dean could feel it asking to be let in. It pulled at the edges of his consciousness, ripping at the seams. He knew he needed to do something, but he couldn't think of what it was.

As quickly as it had come, the peaceful feeling deteriorated, and in it's place, Dean felt fear and desperation. The sudden shift jarred his memory, and Dean almost choked on the word.

"Yes!" he said.

He would have said more, but the thing didn't have to be told twice. It was as if his head split open and molten metal was poured in, coating the insides of his skull, seeping into his brain. His vision turned inward, and the room faded away. Everything was cool, blue light. Fear, excitement, love, and rage were all the same. He didn't feel so much as he had awareness. Nothing escaped him, but meaning was fluid. Time and space were relative.

And yet somehow Dean knew he was not where he should be. He wasn't sure he was still Dean either. He focused his attention outward again to gain some kind of perspective. He was still standing in the middle of Metatron's old office. In his hands were two containers. The larger one in his right hand contained a human-sized heart. The small one in his left hand held the Cupid's bow.

All at once, he knew where he needed to be. With barely a thought, he found himself moving out of the room and back toward Gadreel's office. He didn't notice the angel walking alongside him or the questions he was asking.

When Dean opened the door to the office, the gateway hummed in anticipation. Gadreel's voice finally started getting through to Dean's consciousness, and he turned to face him. Dean felt his head tilt to the left as he looked up at Gadreel curiously.

_"It worked. I have to go,"_ he said, though his voice was no longer exactly a voice.

_"Yes, you should hurry,"_ Gadreel replied in the same non-voice._ "The longer Castiel is split in pieces, the more difficult it will be to make him whole again."_

Dean nodded and turned back to the closet. He opened the door, and stepped into the portal without another thought.

**~oOo~**

Meg hadn't moved from the chair by Cas' bed since Sam left earlier. He knew getting her to leave would probably be impossible, but he figured it was worth a try. He needed to talk to Cas alone for a little bit, but he didn't exactly want to say that.

"He's gone then?" Meg asked, without looking away from Cas.

"Yeah. He should be back soon," Sam replied.

"And how am I supposed to feel about that?"

"Oh, I'd say mixed. I mean, he's the only one who can save Cas, so there's that."

Meg turned her head slightly and smirked. "Maybe if he actually succeeds, I'll contemplate not killing him."

"I guess that's progress." Sam moved to sit on the end of the bed. Cas was sound asleep and didn't seem to notice.

"Why are you here?" Meg asked, turning to face Cas again.

Sam wasn't sure why she would need to ask. "Because I'm worried about him too," he said.

Meg's face went blank, the way she got when she didn't want anyone to know her feelings. "He thinks he's going to die."

"Is he getting worse?"

"Not that I can tell, but he doesn't share, you know?"

"Yeah, I've noticed. It was a while before I even knew something was wrong. He nearly face planted out in the hallway one evening."

"How long ago?"

Sam shrugged. "A few months. It all kind of blurs together. He'd be fine one minute, and then... I don't know; it's like he wasn't in there. Just an empty shell."

Meg was biting her lip, and Sam was certain she didn't know it. She would never have shown weakness like that. Except to him.

"Dean's gonna make it back in time," Sam said.

"And then what?" Meg asked. "Then Castiel will be himself again, and he won't need me. Why did you bring me back? Why didn't you let him forget about me?"

"Dean wanted to bring you back because he promised he would, because he thought Cas would want you here, and he wanted to do something... good."

"Good? When is he gonna give it up and realize he's not the good guy? He's a monster like the rest of us, and we'd all be a lot better off if he'd just accept it."

Sam looked down at his hands, at the scars that Cas now had as well. There was so much evidence to say that Meg was right, but Sam couldn't accept it any more than Dean could. He had to be good. He had to be the savior.

"Dean's made a lot of mistakes—"

"Don't give me that shit!" Meg jumped to her feet and began pacing. There was no reaction from Cas. "He uses his friends and treats you like a houseplant, and _I'm_ the demon? All he cares about is what he can get out of people, and when they're not useful anymore, he throws them away."

All through Meg's tirade, Sam was shaking his head. She was wrong. She didn't know Dean. But somehow, Sam couldn't find anything to say. She was right about what he had done to people. But she didn't understand. Dean wasn't evil. He couldn't be.

"If you're gonna be in here a while, I'm going to... I don't know," Meg said.

She zapped out of sight, and Sam found himself alone with Cas like he wanted, but he couldn't seem to remember why. He moved over to the chair and checked to make sure Cas was still breathing. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**I am so freaking excited about this chapter! It's hard to believe I've finally made it to this point. Please let me know what you think. Also, if anyone knows of good stories where Cas has to possess Dean for some reason, let me know (no slash, please).  
**

**On a side note, I'm considering (for reasons quite unknown to me) doing a Supernatural romance AU in the future, and I'd like some feedback on pairings. There's a poll on my profile if you're interested. Some of the options are kind of weird because I didn't really know what direction I wanted to go. Of course, Megstiel is a given, but Sam and Dean are more difficult to ship with other characters for me. It's like I want them to be alone and miserable for some reason.**


	39. The Time of Angels

**Chapter Thirty-Eight "The Time of Angels"  
**

It wasn't the voices that woke him, nor the silence; it was a feeling. A feeling that everything was different now, that the world had shifted and would never be the same. Castiel opened his eyes, and not much had really changed in his tiny corner of the universe. Except that Sam was now occupying the chair, and Meg was nowhere to be seen.

"Is everything okay?" Castiel asked. His voice sounded fuzzy and halfway there like he had something stuck in his throat.

Sam jumped slightly at the sound, but recovered quickly. "Yeah, it's fine," he said. "Dean should be back soon."

"Good. I'm sure he will be all right."

"Actually, I meant to ask you about that. I mean, I know you're not doing so well, but why were you so sure Dean had to go?"

Castiel stared up at the ceiling and contemplated his answer. "Dean needed to go," he finally said. "I think you can understand that."

"Risking your life so he can feel better?"

"If I thought for a moment that he would fail—No. It was no risk. I might have failed, but he won't."

"So, why do you think you're going to die?"

That gave Castiel pause. "I don't know," he finally said. "Something someone said. Even if I do, I'll still be helping Dean because he will find my grace."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "And do what with it?"

"I suspect he will know when the time comes."

"This doesn't seem wrong to you?"

"Everything seems wrong. This plan... I can't explain it, but it feels right."

"Sometimes those are the worst plans."

Castiel laughed weakly. "Yes, but I acted on faith. That is the best anyone can do."

"You think Dean really will save everyone? You think he's a hero?"

"I believe we've had this conversation. Dean is a force stronger than any I have encountered. Don't you remember that it was he who allowed you to overcome Lucifer? His mere presence gave you the strength to do the impossible. There is something in him, something that's always been there, something not small and human, but... powerful."

Sam sighed. "Is he good, Cas? Is my brother..."

"The righteous man?" Castiel filled in. "Dean is full of mysteries, but I have never doubted his mission. He lives to protect. He is nothing without a battle to fight and someone to save."

"I know." Sam nodded. "He's always been... I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else."

"Don't doubt him now. He needs us behind him if he's going to win this fight."

"How do you know?"

"I can't explain it. When I woke up, everything was different. I know things... things I shouldn't know. As if a part of me is somewhere else, seeing things I don't see."

"Your grace? What if Dean found it? Could you be sensing something through it?"

"I'm... not sure. I haven't been close to it since I lost it."

"If Dean has it now, you could be sensing what he feels."

"Perhaps—yes."

"Then he must be almost back."

Castiel could see how excited Sam was getting, even though he tried to hide it. For once in their lives, maybe something was going right.

**~oOo~**

As soon as the office building materialized around Dean, he could feel everything the spell had been blocking before. Every molecule of air and particle of dust was full of life and color. A strange, but not unpleasant weight pulled at Dean's shoulders. He turned his head to see a pair of enormous black wings that rose over his head and brushed the ground at the same time. He stretched them out and felt their stiffness begin to fade away. They wanted to be used again.

Gadreel appeared beside Dean, and for a second, Dean couldn't even think straight. The angel's face was all light and color, but Dean found that he recognized him perfectly. His wings were bigger and gold colored, and he had eyes everywhere.

_"Castiel?"_

It wasn't exactly a voice, but Dean understood.

_"No,"_ he replied in the same manner. _"I mean..."_

What was he? He had wings, and he could see Gadreel's true form now. Something must have shifted when he broke the spell by leaving Heaven.

_"You must go back now,"_ Gadreel said. _"Return to your vessel."_

He was still talking as if Dean were Cas, and maybe Dean was Cas. They were somehow existing at the same time and in the same place, but most of Cas wasn't here. Most of him was back in the bunker dying.

Dean didn't have to be told twice. He stretched out his—or rather Cas'—wings again. With a flutter, he was gone. In the space between time, Dean felt the Earth fall away beneath him, and watched as the city flew by and turned to the dirt road that led to the bunker. He began to hurtle downward, and saw his friends either asleep in their beds or working in the library. Charlie and Kevin were still up, and Meg was with them, sitting on the table and drinking scotch from a crystal glass.

Somehow, Dean knew that not a single moment had passed between deciding to be in Cas' room and actually being there. Sam was sitting in the chair, and Cas was still in bed, but they were both awake.

At Dean's appearance, Sam immediately stood. "Dean?" he said. His voice was much more solid than Gadreel's had been—a human voice.

_"Mostly,"_ Dean replied. He crossed the room to the side of the bed.

Cas had propped himself up on his elbows, and was staring up at Dean with the same confused expression that Dean had become so accustomed to. Except he was seeing it through an angel's eyes, now. Cas was nowhere near as bright as Gadreel, and he didn't have any wings at all. Probably because Dean was using them at the moment. His colors were black and gray and a little bit of sickly green. He didn't really look like Cas.

_"You..."_ he said weakly.

_"Me,"_ Dean replied. _"It's okay. You just have to take it back."_

Dean put his hand on the side of Cas' face and pushed with his mind. _Go home_, he thought. _Back where you belong._

The grace inside him resisted at first. It wanted to stay. It was strong and safe here. But Dean pushed a little harder. And he could feel Cas pulling from the other side, trying to weave his consciousness back together one silvery strand at a time.

Dean felt the light begin to leave him. The weight on his shoulders faded away. For a moment, he saw Cas' true face in all it's glorious blue light, and then everything went dark. But Dean's eyes were made for the dark now that they were back to normal vampire level. Cas got up, and it was as if he were instantly himself again. He pulled the bandages off his neck and wrist and the scars were gone. His eyes looked sharp and alert rather than dull and lifeless. He looked from side to side, and Dean knew he was seeing the wings he had lost when his grace was taken.

"Thank you," he said, turning back to Dean. His voice even sounded stronger. "Where is Meg?"

"She was out in the library, I think," Dean replied. It felt funny to be talking like a human again, as if the words no longer had flavor or substance.

Cas didn't say anything more, but disappeared with a flutter of wings.

Sam chuckled softly. "He couldn't just walk down the hall?" he said.

"You try getting your wings back and see if you don't want to try them out," Dean said, turning to leave the room.

"I don't have wings, Dean," Sam said, following him out into the hall.

"You know what I mean. It's like that time the Impala got pretty much totaled, and I rebuilt it. I wasn't gonna wait to take it for a test drive."

"I remember. It was a little disturbing how... affectionate you were."

Dean shook his head. "You've never understood."

"No, I can't say I have, and I'm okay with that."

Dean punched Sam's good shoulder lightly. "Smartass."

Sam rubbed his shoulder in mock pain. "So, what was it like?"

"What?"

"Having an angel inside you? Okay, yeah, that sounded wrong."

Dean laughed. "It was... kinda weird. Kinda okay."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the flying was awesome. And I saw what they really look like. Man, why didn't you ever say?"

Sam and Dean stopped outside the doorway to the library.

Sam sighed. "My experiences with angelic possession have never exactly been good, you know."

"Yeah, I guess." Dean shrugged. "And this wasn't exactly possession. I mean, I was still me. I was still calling the shots. It's like for a little while, me and Cas were... the same person."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "And you're okay with that? It didn't completely freak you out?"

"It was more like borrowing someone's clothes."

"Before you got back, he could sense what was happening. Just a little bit, but I think... he was with you."

"Gadreel said his consciousness was split or something. Like he was in two places at once."

Sam nodded. "Makes sense. It's weird how it worked. I mean, especially since you aren't exactly human."

A loud noise from the library suddenly interrupted the conversation, and Sam and Dean moved inside to see that Meg had dropped the glass she had been holding due to being very busy kissing Cas.

**~oOo~**

There wasn't time to think this through. It was one of those grand gestures that always showed up at the ends of movies, and it seemed to always work. Of course, Castiel knew the difference between movies and reality, but he didn't know what else to do. He had tried telling Meg how he felt, but she didn't want to listen. So, he would have to show her. There were so many other things he could have been doing now, things she would have expected him to be doing. That's what made it important. It had to be her. The first thing he did upon regaining his grace would be this.

This all flooded through Castiel's mind in the time it took to fly from his room to the library, which technically wasn't any time at all. He remembered when his mind had been so sharp before, but he had never expected it to be so again.

Meg was sitting on the edge of one of the tables when Castiel landed in front of her. She looked like she was about to say something about his sudden appearance, but that wouldn't do. Castiel grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her harder than he had the first time. Somewhere nearby, glass shattered, and several loud gasps echoed through the room. But Castiel wasn't concerned with anything else at the moment. He had one hand in Meg's hair, and the other pressed against her back. He wasn't going to let go so soon this time. She didn't want him to.

With his grace restored, Castiel could see and feel everything about Meg that had been blurry before. Her true face, the dark essence of her soul. He loved those things. They showed the nature she had transcended.

When he finally let go, and looked into her eyes, Castiel knew he had made an impression. "Is that what you were looking for?" he asked.

Meg let out a shaky breath. "I definitely wasn't expecting it," she replied. But there was a happy hum in her voice.

"I wanted you to be the first thing I saw, the first—"

"Stop talking." Meg put her fingers over his mouth. She grabbed the hand that was behind her back and pulled him away from the table toward the door.

As they passed, Castiel noticed Sam and Dean standing there looking shocked. He wondered what exactly they had been expecting when they brought Meg back if not this.

**~oOo~**

Sam had to stop himself from laughing as Cas and Meg left. He saw Dean's confused expression in his peripheral vision.

"Can you just be happy for him?" Sam asked, moving into the library.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked following Sam.

"You brought her back to make Cas happy. I know you probably don't like the idea of them—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence."

"Am I dreaming," Charlie asked suddenly. "'Cause this doesn't feel like real life."

Sam patted her shoulder as he passed her. "You should probably go to bed."

Charlie shook her head. "Can't. I'll have nightmares."

"It really wasn't that bad."

"It was freaking terrifying," Dean argued, moving further into the room.

Sam shook his head as he knelt down to pick up the shattered glass. "What did you think was gonna happen?"

"I don't know. Maybe a few insults or attempts to kill each other first."

Sam looked up briefly from the floor. "Did you miss all the sappiness the last time they saw each other?"

"I think I blocked it out of my memory."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to bring her back."

"Well... yeah."

Sam finished collecting the glass and took it over to the trash can. "It was a good thing," he said. "She's good for him. She hates you, but that's nothing new."

Dean huffed. "It's like the apocalypse all over again."

"Except this time you actually became an angel."

"Wait—what?" Charlie interjected. "What did I miss?"

"I had to carry Cas' grace back to Earth," Dean said. "And by carry, I mean—"

"Be possessed by?"

"Sort of."

Charlie's eyebrows shot up. "Sort of?"

"I was still doing all the steering; he was just... there."

Charlie immediately started digging through her stack of books, and Kevin floated over. He must have been there the whole time, but Sam always forgot about him.

"This is like... brand new territory," Charlie said, sounding muffled by all the books.

"How?" Dean asked.

"Well—" Charlie popped her head up. "—for one thing, Cas was in two places at once. For another thing, his grace survived—and by the looks of things, did just fine—inside a vampire which shouldn't be possible."

"She's right," Kevin said. "Everything in the tablet says that angels have strict rules as to how they operate. They possess human vessels, special people who are strong enough to withstand the presence of a celestial being. There is nothing about them possessing... non-humans."

"But vampires _are_ basically human, right?" Sam said. "They still have a soul and retain all their human memories. Maybe they're not that different."

"But we know that Dean is," Charlie said, casting an apologetic glance at Dean. "I mean, he's not just an ordinary vampire."

"Maybe that's why it worked," Dean said. "I mean, maybe the grace that was already—in me made it work."

"But that was a different angel's grace," Kevin said. "I'm really not even sure what Castiel _was_ when he had it."

"You know, there was another angel who said something about that," Sam said, remembering the time he and Cas went looking for the gates of Heaven. "He mentioned that Cas wasn't one of them anymore or something. He didn't really explain it because he was in the process of dying, but..."

"But we still got nothing," Charlie said, resting her elbows on the open book in front of her. "Nothing solid to go on anyway. I mean, I hate to say this, but we really need to know what the hell is happening." She looked at Dean. "We need to know what you are."

Dean looked away from Charlie, away from everyone. He fixed his gaze on the edge of the table between Kevin and Sam. He had to know he couldn't avoid the subject, but Sam was sure he wished he could.

As if to rescue Dean from the situation, Sam spoke up. "I think we should all get some sleep," he said. "We can talk more about this in the morning."

Everyone agreed to that, even Kevin who didn't exactly sleep but did some sort of ghostly rest where he faded out and hung around in the veil for a while. Charlie looked like she was about to fall over as they walked back toward the bedrooms.

"You know," she said in a sleepy voice. "The upside of all of this is that no one is in danger of imminent death at the moment."

"Except for Kevin. Who's, you know, dead," Dean said.

"I think she means the irreversible kind," Sam said.

"No such thing."

* * *

**New story in development. Hopefully, I'll be able to being posting this summer. It may be once this story is completed or nearing the end. I also have vague inklings of a sequel to this one, but that depends on how I feel once it's done. We've got a little ways to go on that still. Good thing, too, because I don't want it to end.  
**


	40. A Good Man Goes to War

**Chapter Thirty-Nine "A Good Man Goes to War"  
**

There wasn't as much fire as Castiel expected. Literal or figurative. It was mostly just an unrelenting heat that seemed to last for hours. There was friction, but no actual sparks. He had always thought that if he got this close to Meg, they would cause serious damage to each other, but it didn't hurt.

With his grace back, Castiel could feel all of Meg's sharp edges. Her soul was like a patch of thorns guarding something so precious that he couldn't believe she let him see it. He didn't say this of course. She wouldn't have liked that. He did everything he could to show her, though. It wasn't difficult. Even though they were never meant to fit together, somehow everything made more sense when they lost track of which parts were angel and which were demon. There was something undeniably human about how they met somewhere in the middle of their conflicting natures. Instead of destroying them, it made them stronger.

Castiel didn't voice his thoughts at first. His mouth was busy, and he didn't think Meg would appreciate his other voice. She didn't much like it when he talked at all.

Time had no meaning when they were together. They didn't need to sleep or even pause to catch their breath. Theoretically, it could have gone on forever. But eventually, Meg rested her head on Castiel's chest with a sigh. She was happy, and he realized that it was because of him. She couldn't see his wings, but he wrapped them around her so she could feel his energy. It should have repelled her, but she only seemed to relax more.

"Meg, I—" Castiel started.

"Shh," Meg interrupted. "You don't need to speak."

"I want to."

"If it's that important to you." Meg closed her eyes like she was going to sleep.

"I know you said you wouldn't believe me, and I understand why."

Meg propped herself up on her elbow and looked him in the eye. "Are you going to spit it out, or do you need some more persuasion."

Castiel couldn't help smiling up at her as he brushed his fingers across her cheek. "I love you," he said.

She smiled back and him and ran her hand through his hair. "I believe you," she said.

"What changed your mind?"

"Nothing. Maybe a bunch of little things. You being... you. And I will kill you if you tell anyone I said this, but Dean kept his promise. And that's something I can work with."

"When you say you'll kill me..."

"I'll stab you in the throat with your own sword."

"Right. So long as we understand each other."

Meg let out a deep humming laugh. "Oh, I will never understand you, Clarence. That's the best part."

**~oOo~**

Dean couldn't sleep. Not that he felt stressed or anxious. He felt pretty good, actually. He tossed and turned for a while, wondering if he was thirsty, but eventually came to the conclusion that he simply wasn't tired. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept, but he had this strange energy pulsing through him that wouldn't quit. He wanted to jump in the car and drive across the country or find himself some monsters to fight. In a completely foreign, unfamiliar way, Dean felt like himself.

Eventually, he decided to get up and go back to the library. He could read for a while and get a head start on figuring out their next move. He tried not to think about what Charlie had said as he moved through the dark hallway. The question of _what _he was would have to be answered soon, but he would put it off as long as possible. Just as he had been since he started noticing his unusual abilities in Purgatory.

Kevin was nowhere to be seen when Dean got to the library, but that didn't mean he wasn't around. Dean looked through Charlie's stack of books and found one about vampires to start with. He settled into one of the comfortable chairs in the reading alcoves and opened up the book. He skimmed through the beginning because it was all stuff he already knew from experience, both as a hunter and as the creature in question. There was no mention of the Alpha or the hierarchy of vampires based on his blood, so Dean moved on to another book.

It was around four in the morning when Kevin flickered into view, only to fade in and out a few times, as if in surprise. He eventually recovered and looked normal again.

"I didn't see you there," he said.

"I've been here a while," Dean replied.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Dean shook his head. "Just not tired, I guess."

Kevin frowned like he was thinking really hard. "It could have something to do with the angel grace," he said. "I mean, angels don't sleep at all."

He stretched out his hand, and suddenly the angel tablet came flying from across the room. Kevin looked over it for a moment, his eyes narrowing at certain points.

"It usually affects a vessel in the opposite way though, wearing them down rather than energizing them."

"Yeah, I remember Jimmy. He was kinda..." Dean waved his hand vaguely.

"Jimmy?"

"Cas' vessel. I think he's dead now, just... reconstituted."

Kevin sighed. "Castiel himself his a mystery. I mean, he should have died three or four times, and he didn't. So, maybe his grace is different from other angels'. Combine that with you being, well, the way you are, and I'm lost. There's nothing on this because it's unprecedented. Even Metatron wouldn't have known about it."

"But there has to be some explanation. I mean, if it's happening, there has to be a reason. Stuff doesn't just happen."

"Except in your life, of course."

"No, there's always something awful behind everything in my life. Haven't you picked up on that?"

"But you always come back. I don't mean that you just get easy coincidences, but both good and evil seem to gravitate toward you. Yeah, you've died more than anyone I know—and it feels weird to say that—but you always come back. Like the universe stops making sense around you."

"That's really comforting, Kevin."

"Hey, I'm dead. I get to tell it like it is."

"It's nice, isn't it?"

"I don't know why anyone would ever want to come back to life."

"Well, there's Hell and Purgatory that make it an interesting option."

"So, why can't vampires become ghosts? They still have souls, so shouldn't they be able to stick around?"

"I think it's a little early for this kind of metaphysical discussion."

"You said you weren't tired."

"I was making an excuse."

"Don't you wonder, though?"

"Kevin, if I wondered about all the things that don't make sense, my head would explode. I don't know why humans can even get turned into monsters. I can think of plenty of vampires or werewolves who didn't deserve that, who didn't belong in Purgatory. And I don't know. I mean, it all started with the Alphas right? Maybe that's where we need to look anyway."

Kevin nodded. "You're right about that. We have to go back to the source."

**~oOo~**

It took a long time to get everyone together in the morning. There was a lot of taking turns for bathrooms, and everyone had something different for breakfast which in some cases was necessary. Finally, everyone was gathered in the library. Kevin flickered back and forth while everyone else sat around the two large tables. Sam was at the far end with Cas and Meg on his left, while Benny and Lenore were on his right. Jody and Annie were at the table closer to the door, and Dean stood behind them. Charlie brought out a huge whiteboard with several different colors of pens and set it up in the doorway. In green she wrote: "DEAN?"

"Why am I a question mark?" Dean asked warily, keeping his arms crossed and posture stiff.

"Because we're trying to determine what exactly is going on with you," Charlie said with a pensive look in her eyes as she stared at the board.

Next she wrote: "CASTIEL: angel" in blue marker. She frowned at it before adding another question mark at the end.

"Do you really need to do that?" Cas asked, sounding a bit nervous.

"There's been some speculation that whatever you were before you got your grace back wasn't entirely... inside the box," Charlie said. "Plus you riding around with Dean for a while makes things complicated.

"We need some kind of control group," Kevin said. "We can compare them to the typical examples we have here."

"Right," Charlie agreed. "We have at least one normal demon—"

"Debatable," Meg interjected.

"—a few normal humans," Charlie continued. "And normal vampires."

"And a ghost," Kevin added.

Charlie added several names to the top of the board to use as examples.

"Okay," she said. "What deviations do we notice?"

"Dean is stronger than a normal vampire," Benny said. "Which could just be, the Alpha's blood, but I've met a first generation who wasn't that strong."

Charlie nodded and wrote "STRENGTH" under Dean's name.

"The Mark of Cain," Cas said.

"But I got rid of that," Dean argued.

"Not completely," Meg said. "Remember the portal you made? It was very demon-y."

Charlie wrote "MARK OF CAIN."

"I think I made the other portal too," Dean said. "The one that sent you to Heaven."

"You did?" Lenore asked in surprise.

"Pretty sure," Dean replied.

"I'm seeing something," Kevin said, coming to stand in front of the board with his arms crossed. "All the powers Dean has are related to one of the three categories: angel, demon, vampire."

"He's had all three since before he went to Purgatory," Cas said as if hitting on some big revelation. "Which gave them months to develop."

"So is he some kind of, what, hybrid?" Sam asked. "I mean, is that even possible?"

"Creatures such as the Nephilim and the Cambion are precedented," Cas said. "But those are both the result of humans reproducing with angels and demons."

"Maybe it's just 'cause he drank your blood," Meg said sardonically.

"But why would Cas possessing him make him stronger?" Kevin asked.

"Maybe the grace already in his system made him a better vessel?" Sam said.

"Why do I feel like a science experiment?" Dean asked suddenly.

"Don't you want to know?" Charlie asked, twisting the yellow marker in her hands.

"I'm not really sure. I mean, who wants to know they're not... normal?"

"It doesn't have to be a bad thing," Cas said.

"No, but it's still a thing. Whatever I am, I'm not like any of you. Not really. Where... where do I fit?"

Meg scoffed. "If any of us fit into neat little categories, we wouldn't be here," she said. "So quit whining, and try to actually use that big head of yours."

Charlie wrote three words under Dean's name: "ANGEL, DEMON, VAMPIRE."

"Maybe it's some kind of space/time anomaly," she said absently. "All three characteristics existing simultaneously in one space."

"People can't _become _angels though," Kevin said. "The only humans with angelic power are Nephilim, aren't they?"

"Yes," Cas replied. "But somehow the grace I stole manifested in Dean as a connection to celestial forces. There are people who can communicate with angels, but Dean isn't one of them. Or wasn't before. Somehow... there's been a fundamental shift in his being. He's not human, but perhaps his humanness is preventing him from fully being anything else."

"So, I'm not anything because I'm too human?" Dean asked.

"There are forces in this universe I don't understand. One of them is your will."

"It makes sense," Sam said, letting out a short laugh. "I mean, it was Dean's stubbornness that stopped the apocalypse."

"I think we can file that one under teamwork," Dean said.

"The point is, we were all following you. In some way, we always do."

"To my eternal confusion," Meg muttered.

"In the end, it doesn't matter what you are," Benny said. "You taught me that."

"Whatever you are," Lenore added. "I think it's exactly what you need to be."

"I know I'm just a regular human in all this," Jody said, finally breaking her silence. "But I saw what the Alpha's power did. And I hear you can do the same thing, Dean. Which means we have a real shot at stopping him. Whatever's going on with you, I'd say it's a good thing."

"I'm not exactly comfortable not knowing," Sam said. "But right now, I don't see a downside. Any problems we had, you've already fixed." He glanced furtively at Cas.

"So, I should just go with it?" Dean said. "Not knowing what I am, or how that's gonna end up. What if I hurt somebody a—" He had been about to say _again_.

"That's what we're all here for, brother," Benny said. "You go darkside, there's plenty of sharp objects around."

"So." Sam looked at Dean. "What's the plan?"

**~oOo~**

Dean's plan consisted of two basic parts. The first was what Charlie and Kevin had been doing so far with their research, just more focused on the vampire part and information about the Alpha. Kevin suggested that there was probably a vampire tablet out there somewhere that would be helpful. The second part of Dean's plan was simple: hunting. Vampire nests were still popping up all over the place, and they needed to get to work tracking them down. Dean's first inclination was to split them up in teams of two, but Sam had shot down that idea.

"I'm still not a hundred percent," he said regretfully. "I don't want to be holding you back."

"You sure?" Dean asked, looking Sam in the eye as if to say it was okay, that he wanted him to come.

"I'm sure," Sam replied firmly. "Maybe Cas and Meg can look for the vampire tablet, and you, Benny, and Lenore can go after the vampires themselves."

"That's probably a good idea," Benny said.

"I can help with the research anyway," Sam continued.

Dean didn't bother mentioning that Charlie and her horde had been researching all there was to find about vampires and still hadn't found much to help them. He knew Sam just wanted something to do.

"Okay," Dean said. "There's a nest close by, so we should get going. Meet at the car in 20 minutes."

Dean headed out into the hallway, running through the things he would need to pack for the trip. Mostly sharp blades and a well stocked cooler. He stopped when he hear Cas calling after him.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Cas asked as they stood facing each other in the hallway.

"Hunting vampires? Hell yeah."

"No—I mean, you going without... me."

Dean wasn't sure whether or not he should laugh. "Cas, I'm fine. You're fine. What's the problem?"

"What if you get thirsty? I haven't had time to stock up—"

"Cas, don't worry about it. It lasts a while, and if I need to, I can drink the human stuff."

"We still don't know exactly how my grace affected you. Going now is..."

"It's my job. This is why I'm here."

"I'm just afraid that when the effects wear off, it won't be... pleasant for you."

"I can't say much of anything has been pleasant for me lately. Except the flying thing. Man, why didn't you ever say how great that was?"

Cas' eyes widened slightly. "I—didn't think about it until I couldn't anymore."

"Right. I guess that makes sense. Listen, Cas, I'm gonna be fine. You can stay with Meg and help us out by looking into that tablet."

Cas nodded slowly. "Just... don't be gone too long. You know, as a precaution."

"It's only a few hours away. We'll be back before you know it."

Cas didn't seem convinced, but he turned and walked back toward the library with a strange sort of slump in his shoulders. Dean hadn't been expecting him to be so dead serious after getting his life back. It was hard to believe he worried that much about Dean. Apparently he did.

**~oOo~**

The general feeling that things were going well stayed with Dean as he drove out of the bunker that afternoon. It was a bit odd to be away from all the smells that assaulted him every day. There was a sort of uniform scent in the car with the three vampires. Dean even let Benny play jazz music on the radio for a while because he was in such a good mood.

It would be nightfall by the time they reached their destination, which was for the best. Dean still found that the sunlight didn't bother him as much as the others, but they would all want to be at full strength.

As the trip passed, they talked about nothing in particular. The other two had all sorts of exciting stories from their past lives, and it made the hours go by faster.

The sun was just setting when they pulled onto the street where the majority of the vampire attacks had happened. There was a skeevy looking bar on the corner that seemed as good a place as any to start.

"Normally, I'd say watch yourselves," Dean said, looking from Benny to Lenore and then smiling. "But I really don't have to worry about you two."

"If there are vampires nearby, they'll know we're here," Lenore said.

"Then let's hope they're recruiting," Benny said.

Dean nodded. "Keep each other in sight, okay?"

The others agreed, and they all got out of the car. Dean crossed the street while Benny and Lenore stayed on the opposite side so they didn't go in together. The fact that the sun had barely set made Dean think that they might have to wait a while for any vampires to show up, but as he got closer to the bar, the smell became overpowering. He couldn't find a trace of live human blood in the whole place.

The thought that this might be a bad idea briefly crossed Dean's mind.

* * *

**I usually say something here, but I'm feeling sort of awful today, so... hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you all next week.**


	41. The Empty Child

**Chapter Forty "The Empty Child"**

The inside of the bar was dark, as if to hide how dirty it was. However, Dean knew that wasn't the reason the windows were blacked out. There was a lingering smell of human blood, but it was only from so many vampires breathing in the same space. Dean had the strange notion that they should stock blood behind the counter and that would solve everyone's problems. But most of these vampires were fresh turns. Dean couldn't smell the Alpha on them. Which gave him an idea.

Everyone noticed him when he came in. Dean did his best to mask how uncomfortable that made him. He was supposed to be some kind of leader, so he might as well act like it. There were about 20 vampires in the room, all staring at Dean as he moved to the middle of the floor.

"Well, you all know who I am," Dean said, not really sure where he was going with this but trusting himself to find his way. "So, let's skip all the threats and get straight to the point. Do you even know why you're here? I mean, really, do you know what your purpose is in all this?"

Everyone stared blankly at Dean.

"'Cause I do," he went on. "You're cheap ammunition. The Alpha doesn't care about you. Hell, I don't even care about you. We're not competing for your loyalty. This is so much bigger than that. On one side, there's the guy who wants to take over the world. On the other side, there's me. I just want all these monsters to piss off and leave my world alone. You're all gonna die if you side with him because he's gonna let you, because I'm not gonna stop to cry about a few dead fangs who get in my way. I'm not telling you all this so you'll side with me; I'm telling you so you'll know what you died for."

Dean pulled the machete out of his jacket and held it loosely at his side. He had heard Benny and Lenore come in, but the attention had been on Dean, allowing them to blend into the crowd. He knew this wasn't the plan going in, but a building full of vampires kinda changed the plan.

One would think that threatening twenty vampires might do something to diminish the good feeling Dean had been having all day, but he still felt pretty okay. A fight was just what he needed right now. And it was as good a time as any to test out his abilities. So, for once, Dean actually tried stretching out his mind to see what he could touch. He felt Benny's consciousness first, and with it, a feeling of "_are you sure this is a good idea?"_

"_Absolutely,"_ Dean thought back, not bothered in the least that he was talking to Benny with his mind.

Dean stretched out further and found that he could touch the minds of every vampire in the room. He got mixed feelings of fear and contempt and confusion. He could tell them all to drop dead, and Dean was fairly certain they would. But that would ruin all the fun.

"Are you all just gonna stand there?" he asked, as if daring anyone to attack first.

Two guys at a table to Dean's left moved first. They looked like they probably got into fights regularly as humans, but Dean wasn't concerned. He pivoted in place and stabbed the first guy through the chest while jabbing his elbow into the other one's chin. They both stumbled back, and Dean pulled his blade out, letting the murky vampire blood spill over the wood floor.

The two of them started to move again when they were hit with identical darts. Dean turned to see that Lenore was making good use of her stash of dead man's blood, dipping the darts from the board behind her in the jar before throwing them. She had a pack of syringes in her jacket too that would be much more potent. Benny stood a little in front of her with his own weapon drawn, ready to fight anyone who came at them.

Dean had to smile. This was what made him feel alive even when he wasn't sure what that meant. He turned back to face a group of vampires who had been sitting at the bar but were now coming right at him. He grabbed one of the incapacitated guys and sliced of his head with one blow before tossing the body toward the oncoming vampires. It served the dual purpose of distracting them and making the floor slick with blood.

A bigger guy from the group managed to sidestep the body as it sprayed blood all over. He came in from the right, which didn't give Dean a lot of room to maneuver the long blade. He had to settle for a halfhearted swing that caught the outside of the guy's arm, but didn't slow him down. Dean dodged to keep the guy from barreling into him and brought the knife down across his neck. It didn't go all the way through, but the guy fell to the floor, soaking Dean's shoes with his blood. Dean stepped away from the body, closer to where Benny and Lenore were fighting to give himself more room to move around.

There were still four other vampires coming at him, and Dean grabbed one of his own shots of dead man's blood in his left hand, still swinging the bloody machete in his right. There wasn't room for all four to attack at once, but the two in the middle came at Dean. He stuck the first with the syringe and kneed him in the stomach, sending him to the floor. Then he swung at the other one who ducked the first blow. Of course they couldn't all go down easy. She was more agile than her friends, and Dean wished he'd used the blood on her. She had her teeth out and hands like claws. Dean swiped, forcing her to take a step back. The other two were on him now, moving to cut him off from his friends. Dean couldn't let that happen.

"_Take a nap,"_ he thought, and the other two fell to the floor.

The woman stared in shock at her fallen comrades. "How did you—"

"You think just anybody goes up against the Alpha?" Dean said.

"Who are you?"

Dean bared his own teeth. "The new boss," he said before flinging another syringe at her. It hit her in the chest and she slowly slumped to the floor. Dean stepped over to her and lifted her up by her hair. Her eyes were open wide, staring up at him in untainted fear. He could smell it on her. Dean brought the machete to her neck and marked his spot before taking a swing and completely severing her head. She bled out over his left leg, and it seeped into his socks.

Dean finished off the other vampires that had been hit with dead man's blood or mind control before turning to see how Benny and Lenore were doing. They were fighting back to back which gave them a distinct advantage. They both had small injuries, but Dean had a feeling the ones who gave them were already dead.

Dean stretched out with his mind again to see if anyone was lurking. He felt a presence behind the bar. With two steps and an effortless leap, he was on the other side. Hiding under the counter, he found a little blonde girl. She must have been about twelve. Dean pulled her out by one of her scrawny arms.

"Who turned you?" he demanded.

The girl shook with fear. For a monster, she sure wasn't very good at it.

"Who was it?" Dean shook her.

"The—the big guy," she said. "You killed him."

"Have you drank human blood?"

She didn't answer.

"Have you drank human blood?" Dean repeated louder.

"No," she said a little too quickly. She was lying.

Dean gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry," he said, much more gently than he would have thought himself capable at the moment.

The girl's eyes widened, but she didn't even have the chance to scream. He made it quick.

As her body dropped to the floor, Dean looked up to see another vampire standing on the counter looking down at him with eyes full of rage. He had the same blonde hair as the girl. He must have been her brother or her father. He launched himself off the counter and landed on Dean, sending them both to the floor.

Dean could have easily used his powers to stop the guy, but he didn't. He struggled under the weight of the body that was holding him to the floor. The man's fingers dug into his arm, keeping him from swinging his machete. His second teeth were ready to rip Dean's throat out. Dean was half inclined to let him. Not for any sort of death wish, but because he understood—You do anything to protect family.

But before the crazed vampire could complete his revenge, his head fell off his shoulders, and Dean barely rolled out of the way in time to avoid it landing on him. He looked up to see Lenore standing behind the man with a dark look in her eyes that Dean had never seen before except once when she killed Gordon in Purgatory.

"You could have stopped him," she said.

"Yeah," Dean replied, not bothering to elaborate.

Benny was just finishing off the last of the other vampires as Dean and Lenore came out from behind the bar. As he looked over his work, Dean wondered what the hell kind of job this was. He'd done the same thing plenty of times, but he didn't think he had ever taken on this many with only three. It felt like Purgatory, but it shouldn't have. This wasn't monster Hell—this was where the people lived. Where they should have been safe from this kind of ending.

"I need to find the Alpha," Dean said to no one in particular. "I need to find him now."

**~oOo~**

Finding the vampire tablet wasn't going to be an easy task. Castiel remembered how difficult it had been to acquire—and keep—the other tablets they had found. The demon tablet was still missing from when Gadreel had stolen it on Metatron's orders. He might have known where it was, which could help them in some ways, but not the vampire situation. But with what little information Kevin had been able to provide, Castiel thought that he may need to talk to his brother anyway. With his wings back and Heaven open again, it would be much easier to meet.

So, why did Castiel feel such reservations about the whole thing?

He kept his thoughts to himself at first, taking his time going through the information they already had. Eventually, though, it became clear that this wouldn't be enough. He would have to make a visit to Heaven.

"I'll stay here," Meg said from across the table as if reading his thoughts.

"What?" Castiel replied.

"They'll tell you more if I'm not there."

She was right, but he didn't like it very much. "I would like you there," he said.

Meg smirked. "It's probably better if your angel buddies don't know about me."

"They already—oh." Castiel nodded slowly in realization. She meant that it was best no one knew about the two of them. "They will probably find out anyway."

"Sure, but no need to advertize. You're not exactly Heaven's golden boy as it is."

"Gadreel trusts me."

"But will he trust you if he knows you're screwing a demon?"

It was an entirely fair question, in spite of how coarse it sounded. Gadreel was fair-minded, but perhaps not _that _fair-minded.

"Very well," Castiel said. "I will go alone. It shouldn't take long."

"I'm sure I'll find something to occupy my time," Meg said.

Castiel stood up from his chair and spread out his wings. It had been so long since he felt this much freedom. There were so many things nagging at his mind, but for a moment, he chose to enjoy the sensation of lifting off the Earth, leaving behind the corporeal constraints he had been under for what seemed like a lifetime. He never thought he would go back to Heaven, but he wasn't entirely sorry to be going.

**~oOo~**

After the massacre, there was no checking into a hotel for the night looking like they did, so the three friends locked up the bar and went into the kitchen to clean up. There were several big sinks perfect for the job. Lenore, who was the cleanest, went out to the car to get them fresh clothes to change into. In the few minutes that Benny had alone with Dean, he decided to take advantage of them.

"What exactly was that?" Benny asked, raising his eyebrows.

"What was what?" Dean replied as he turned on one of the faucets.

"That whole speech and deciding to take them all on."

Dean shrugged. "It seemed like the best thing to do."

Benny had to laugh. "You've got some twisted idea of the right thing, don't you?"

"I knew I wasn't going to convert them to our side or make them all go straight like you. I knew they would attack us at some point, and I wasn't just gonna run the other direction and let them keep doing their thing. That's exactly what we're trying to stop."

"But?"

"But this isn't the way to do it. Killing hordes of vampires will just get us more dead vampires. The Alpha is the source of all this. Take him down, the rest works itself out."

"You had to try it though, didn't you? Just to see that it wouldn't work."

Dean gave Benny a curious look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you were enjoying yourself a little in there."

"Yeah, right up until I cut the head off a twelve-year-old." Dean turned to face the sink, avoiding looking at Benny.

Benny hadn't seen a kid while he was busy fighting. "You mean, there really was..."

Dean nodded. "She was hiding behind the counter. If she hadn't fed we could have saved her, but she had."

"How do you know she had?"

"Because she lied and said she hadn't."

"You read her mind?"

"No, it was just obvious she was lying. I didn't have to."

Benny sighed and had to resist rubbing his face because of all the blood on his hands. "This is worse than we thought."

Dean shook his head. "No, we knew, we just didn't... _know_."

Benny huffed. "Willful ignorance?"

"Something like that."

"That's no longer a luxury."

Dean started scrubbing the blood off his hands in the scalding hot water. "We've been distracted lately. Everything I've done since I got back here has been to fix the way I left things, but now I have to deal with the real problem. Until we kill the Alpha none of this is going to go away."

"You really think you can?"

Dean got a distant look in his eyes, and for a moment, he barely looked human—or as human as he usually looked. "I know I can," he said.

**~oOo~**

When Lenore returned from the car, Dean and Benny were silently cleaning the blood off their hands. They didn't look at her as she walked in, and she wondered what they had talked about in her absence. They wouldn't tell her, probably, and she was okay with that.

Their shoes made sticky noises on the floor as they moved, and Lenore realized they would never get all the blood out. Coming back from Purgatory, she thought she had a chance to be something different than she was, to eschew the violence that characterized her life. But she knew now that nothing would change. They were fighting for something worthwhile, but it left its mark on all of them. The blood soaked into their bones and never washed out.

They cleaned up the best they could, dressed their wounds, and had a drink.

"We might as well just go back tonight," Dean said as they sat on the counter in the kitchen.

"You want me to drive for a while?" Benny asked.

"No, I'm good," Dean replied.

None of them moved, though. It was as if they couldn't quite look each other in the eye or stand the thought of facing everyone else right now.

"We could keep going," Lenore said. "There are other nests."

"It might be a good idea to send a message to the Alpha," Benny agreed. "And even if we do kill him, there are still too many vampires."

"Why do we get to decide that?" Dean asked in a pensive tone. "What makes us better?"

"There's the whole not killing people thing," Benny said.

"But we have. I mean, you two were just like the rest before you changed, and I'm... worse."

"How are you worse?" Lenore asked, looking over at Dean who wouldn't meet her gaze. "You're a hunter."

"Yeah, and you remember what I did to your nest?" Dean finally turned his head and faced her. "They didn't deserve to die, and I didn't care until you showed me you really weren't evil. But even after that, I wasn't so free with the second chances. And that's not even the point."

Dean looked away again as if he were done talking.

"Then what is the point?" Lenore asked. "That you hurt Castiel? That you have demon traces in you? We can sit here thinking about all the horrible things we've done, or we can try to make things better, but you don't get to have both."

"I can't stop thinking about it," Dean said. "I used to be so good at burying all this."

"You don't want us to tell you you're a good person," Benny said. "You wouldn't listen anyway. You want to be useful, so go back to work. It's the only thing to do now."

"Why does this always happen? I always think I'm doing fine, and then..."

"Life isn't good or bad," Lenore said. "It's a lot of both, sometimes so fast it makes your head spin, but you find something to hang onto and you keep fighting. You've got a _lot _to hang onto."

Dean seemed to be thinking about that for a moment. "Okay," he finally said. "We'll track down one more nest, and then we go home and see if they've made any progress."

He jumped down off the counter, signifying the end of the conversation, and Lenore wondered if this was going to become a common occurrence between the three of them. This was already the second time in two days she and Benny had to pull Dean out of his self-loathing for a while so he could get something done.

Maybe it was because he trusted them. Maybe he wouldn't have shown this much of himself to just anyone. He always seemed to act like he had everything figured out until recently. Perhaps it was his loss of control with Cas that made him rethink everything. If that was the case, Lenore couldn't blame him. She had died for her own guilt once. She knew how powerful it could be.

* * *

**I am quite proud of myself. I just finished Camp NaNoWriMo with a goal of 80,000 words, over 20,000 of which ended up being for this story, so I've got lots of chapters done and ready for revision. I can't wait for you guys to see what's coming up.**


	42. The Stolen Earth

**Chapter Forty-One "The Stolen Earth"  
**

When Sam got the text that Dean and the others had taken care of the first nest and planned on going after another one, he started to rethink his decision to stay behind. He knew he would have slowed them down with his shoulder not quite healed yet, but the thought of Dean being out there alone just felt wrong to him, even though they hadn't exactly resolved the tension between them.

There was plenty to do helping Charlie and Kevin, though. Meg wasn't much good at the research side of things, and Annie had gotten tired of it. Charlie actually voiced a wish that Emma were still there to help. Sam couldn't help thinking of what Dean had said about how Sam never really gave Emma a chance. It seemed as if everyone else had, though.

Sam's mind was full of other things as well. He thought about how they still had a ghost hanging around, even though the gates of Heaven had been opened again. He knew what a bad thing it could be if Kevin stuck around too long, but he didn't show any signs of leaving soon. His mom still hadn't come back, which struck Sam as odd. He didn't think Linda would want to be away from Kevin that long, especially when Sam had a tendency to get him killed.

Charlie had repurposed the whiteboard into the "Vampire Board." Everything they knew about regular vampires and the Alpha was categorized for all to see. Apparently, it helped her think to do that.

It was late that evening, and Sam was helping Jody clean up the kitchen after dinner. She had been quiet all day, which wasn't exactly like her in Sam's experience. He knew she'd had some disagreements with Annie about the dangers they were facing, but that was just normal teenager stuff. It seemed as if there were something else bothering her. To Sam's surprise, she was actually the first to say anything.

"I know how you feel," she said as she turned off the sink and picked up a dish towel to start drying.

"How's that?" Sam asked, remembering to using his left hand to wipe down the table.

"I want to be out there too, but that's the fastest way to lose Annie. I think if I stay away just a little too long, she won't be here when I come back.

"I'm not afraid Dean's gonna run away. Not yet, at least."

"But if you go with him like you want to, he might be too worried about you getting hurt that he doesn't fight as hard as he could, and you could lose him all the same."

"I guess it's something like that," Sam said, turning the cleaning rag over in his hands. "I'm so close, you know? It's like I just need a few more days, but... but then I'll need a few more days after that. I'm never gonna be strong enough to keep up with him again. And if this is it—if this is how it's gonna be for the rest of my life—" Sam looked up to see that Jody was watching him. "—what am I here for?"

Jody shook her head with a knowing look in her eyes. "Dean may be stronger than all of us, but he's still only one man. If he's going to come out of this with a shred of his old self in tact, he's going to need all of us in some way."

"Is he still one man? I mean, he's got the powers of beings he shouldn't have. It's been a while since we ran into something that powerful. I want to believe he's still the same person, but..."

"But what?" Jody tossed her towel onto the counter. "Is this resignation I hear?"

"No, I'm not—"

"Because I think we've been over this. Dean may be different now, but he's here. He's alive. Isn't that what matters?"

"I'm not giving up, Jody. I just—I don't know where this is headed, and..."

"And it scares you. We're all scared, Sam. But we can use that to be better, stronger, instead of letting it control us."

"So, you think I should have gone with him?"

Jody shrugged. "That's up to you. Only you know when you're ready. But don't stay behind because you're afraid, and don't go out there before you're ready because you think you have to prove something."

"What about you?" Sam asked. "Are you going back to hunting?"

Jody seemed to be thinking about that for a long moment. "I know I'll have to," she finally said. "I know I can't sit back and let everyone else save the day. But I don't have it all figured out either."

"Really?" Sam raised his eyebrows. "I was under the impression you knew everything."

Jody smirked and picked up the towel to finished the dishes. "Just you keep thinking that."

**~oOo~**

Gadreel's office in Heaven was smaller than Metatron's had been, but it was also full of books and dark wood furniture. Castiel noticed how much brighter he looked since the spell was broken, though it may have been that Castiel was seeing better since getting his grace back.

"I had not expected to see you so soon, brother," Gadreel said, rising to greet Castiel. "I am glad to see you in good health once more."

"It's good to be back to normal," Castiel said. "Have the other angels noticed improvements since Metatron's spell ended?"

"Yes, the restoration of our full power has affected us all greatly. But you did not come to look after our condition, I think."

"No," Castiel admitted. "You said you would help fight the vampires."

"Of course. What do you need from me?"

"We suspect there is a vampire tablet in existence. Since the prophet is still able to use them, it could help us."

"I do not know of a vampire tablet, but there must be one. We will certainly search for it. Now that we have regained our ability to come and go at will, things run much more smoothly."

Castiel nodded. "Thank you."

"Are you certain that you are fully yourself?" Gadreel narrowed most of his eyes. "You seem... faded, somehow."

"It is possible that a fragment of my grace remains in Dean."

The effect of a thousand eyes widening in shock was enough to make Castiel want to back away. "Does he know this?" Gadreel asked.

"He knows he is different since taking my grace," Castiel said. "I could be wrong in my assessment, but I can still see... something of myself in him."

"I knew that it was a risk to allow him to take it, but I could not have foreseen this. For a creature such as he is to absorb grace..."

"We are not entirely sure what sort of creature he really is. He's... new."

Gadreel shook his head. "There is nothing new, Castiel."

"Perhaps the vampire tablet will help us know more. And if you should come across the demon tablet as well, that might help. Since Dean had the Mark of Cain, there are residual effects from it as well."

Gadreel frowned with what seemed like his whole being. "This does not bode well, Castiel. He should not be."

"And yet he is. It's my job to help him however I can."

"What if you cannot help him? What if he takes the natural bent of his kind?"

Castiel shook his head. "I won't let that happen. I've already killed him once. Never again."

"His power may grow beyond you."

"I must believe that he will use it for good."

"As he has with you?"

Castiel felt suddenly very exposed and vulnerable and all of Gadreel's eyes watching him, knowing what he knew. "I began the arrangement."

"And he will end it. Just because you are strong again does not mean that he cannot overcome you. I fear he already has."

"Dean won't hurt me. Not... not again."

**~oOo~**

Even after burning the corpses in the bar and setting off again, Dean found that he still wasn't tired. He had been awake for days, but he was as alert as if he had just slept all night. He tried not to let it worry him, choosing instead to think that it was only the residue of Cas' grace still in his system. It would fade away eventually. He would get thirsty again, too.

Lenore was stretched out sleeping across the back seat, but Benny stayed awake next to Dean. He didn't say anything, but Dean got the distinct feeling he was being supervised. It wasn't all that surprising. Dean had said himself that he could get dangerous, and Benny promised in not quite so many words to take him out if it got to that point. It was like some kind of sick tradition with them. Dean killed Benny, Cas killed Dean, and now Benny might have to kill Dean as well. Someone would eventually.

It was nearly morning when they reached the location of the nearest vampire signs. Dean pulled up to a motel, not because he was tired, but because they needed a place to lay low for a while out of the sun and Benny could probably use the rest.

"Please tell me you're not going to attack without warning like last time," Lenore said, stretching her arms over her head as if to shake off the sleep.

"Promise," Dean said. "I'll just go have a look around while you two get some rest.

"I got rest," Lenore said. "What about you? You haven't slept at all."

All three of them got out of the car and headed for the motel office.

"I'm not tired," Dean said.

"This isn't the 'I'm not tired because I'm too keyed up' sort, is it?" Benny asked.

"No. I'm just not." Dean went through the door first, and the conversation stopped in the presence of humans.

They checked into a room and headed back out to the car for their bags. It would be light soon. Dean wasn't bothered by it, but he didn't want to subject the others to it.

"Maybe I should go with you," Lenore said as they headed toward their room. "You know, just in case you get the urge to take on 20 vampires by yourself."

"I'll be fine."

"And I'll be bored, so I might as well."

"You don't like watching me sleep" Benny joked as they went inside.

"It's not your best side," Lenore replied, dropping her bag on the nearest bed and turning to face Dean. "I brought a hat and everything."

Dean sighed. "Fine. We'll just look around."

"Call me if anything comes up," Benny said.

Lenore gave Dean a stern look. "I'll remind him," she said.

She dug through her bag and pulled out a hat and sunglasses as well as hiding several syringes of dead man's blood in her pockets. Dean figured he should avoid mentioning how little the sun bothered him, so he found his own black baseball cap and sunglasses as well. He still had some shots of blood in his jacket pockets, not that he would need them.

"Ready?" he asked Lenore.

She nodded. "Let's go."

Benny saw them off, and Dean heard the door lock behind them. This was the first time he had ever really been alone with Lenore. He was suddenly very aware of the guy he killed from her nest all those years ago. He remembered the way she looked at Gordon, and wondered if deep down she thought of Dean that way too.

She didn't say anything as they got into the car and drove over to the area where the vampire activity seemed to be centered. Dean could smell the death before he even stepped out of the car. They were parked in an alley between an old industrial building and a parking garage. Some of the buildings on the street were occupied, but these two weren't. At least, they didn't look like they were. The scent that permeated the air told a different story.

"There are a lot of them," Dean said as he and Lenore walked down the alley.

The sun was coming up, but the tall buildings kept them mostly in the shade, so they took off their sunglasses.

"How many you think?" Lenore asked, scanning the side of the building as if looking for cracks.

"More than last time," Dean said. "Plus their victims."

Lenore nodded. "I smell the blood... do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Dean heard a lot of things which made it difficult to filter out the irrelevant noises.

"Sounds like humans inside," she said. "Rapid heartbeats... heavy breathing."

"Or somebody's just getting lucky."

Lenore glared at Dean in a not entirely irritated sort of way. "No, it's fear. Can't you smell it?"

Dean let the scent wash over him, and he understood what Lenore meant. There was a foul kind of odor to the sweat of someone who was afraid, different from normal human body smells.

"There must be ten or twelve of them," Dean said.

"Everyone at the bar seemed to be on their own," Lenore said. "But this is more of a real nest. Which makes it more dangerous. They'll know how to fight together. I'm not sure three of us will be enough."

Dean shook his head. "But we've gotta get those people out. They don't have time for us to call in reinforcements."

"If we go in unprepared—"

"But we're not. Didn't you see what I did back there? I can stop them all just by thinking."

"You've never tested it on something this big."

"I don't have to knock them all out. Just enough to give us the upper hand."

Lenore seemed to be thinking about that. "We should scope out the place," she said. "And make sure we know what we're going into. They'll know we're coming."

Dean smirked. "I think we can handle it."

Lenore gave him a wary look. "That's what I was afraid of."

* * *

**Good luck to all the students out there on your finals. You should probably be studying now instead of reading this, but I won't tell.**


	43. Exterminate

**Chapter Forty-Two "Exterminate"**

Patience was not something Dean Winchester had under the best of circumstances, but Lenore was very confident in her persuasive skills. She convinced Dean to go back to the hotel, rest, have a drink, and then plan their attack on the nest. He wasn't thrilled about waiting for sunset, but even as strong as he was, it wouldn't help him to have a couple of lagging teammates.

The sun was fully up when they returned to the motel, and Lenore was glad to get out of it. The thick curtains prevented any light from getting in. It was almost as comfortable as the Winchesters' underground bunker. Benny woke when they came in, and Lenore got the feeling he hadn't been sleeping very soundly. He was worried about something lately, but he hadn't said what it was. Lenore had a few thoughts as to what it might be, but she wasn't going to ask until Benny was ready to talk about it. Which clearly wouldn't be now.

Dean told Benny what they had found at the nest, and he shared Lenore's view that it was risky to go in but agreed with Dean that they had to save the prisoners.

"It's not like we don't know what we're doing," Benny said. "I'd be much more comfortable if we had help, but there's no time."

"We should just go now," Dean said. "Before anyone else dies."

Benny got that look he had when he wanted to disagree with Dean, but wasn't sure how to put it. "In the best possible way," he began, "are you out of your mind?"

"They won't expect us now."

"Yeah, for good reason. We'd have to get from here to there, and it's broad daylight. We'd be weaker than them from being out in it."

"He's right," Lenore said. "Going now would just get us and the prisoners killed. Maybe you think you can take them all single-handedly, but it's not worth the risk."

"Fine." Dean threw up his hands in resignation. "I just don't like the idea of sitting here all day."

"Read a book," Benny suggested with a hint of a smile.

Dean sighed and flopped down on the second bed by the window. The sliver of light that came in between the curtains didn't seem to bother him.

"We should all try to sleep some more," Lenore said. "It can't hurt."

Dean didn't say anything, and Lenore would have thought he had already fallen asleep if he wasn't staring at the ceiling.

Lenore laid down next to Benny on the other bed. It felt a little like Purgatory the way they would sleep all huddled together. Even with the shelter and comfortable accommodations, the promise of tonight's slaughter solidified the comparison in her mind. But for all her misgivings, Lenore was able to fall asleep fairly quickly, and didn't wake for several hours.

When she woke, she felt Benny's arm resting across her waist. His even breathing told her that he was still sleeping. She decided to let him for a while longer since he hadn't gotten any rest in the car. At least, she planned to until she looked across the room to see that the other bed was empty. She listened for the sound of a second pair of lungs breathing in the room, but she couldn't hear anything. She couldn't smell Dean's distinctive scent either, except for the lingering traces he left.

Lenore sat up suddenly, causing Benny to jolt awake.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Dean's gone," Lenore said, getting up off the bed and checking the bathroom just to be sure.

"Maybe he went out for..."

What Dean would need to go out for didn't have to be said. It didn't take long for them to grab their stuff and head out the door. But Lenore's fears were quickly confirmed. The Impala was gone from it's spot in the parking lot, as were all the weapons. Lenore still had the dead man's blood in her pockets, but that was all he left.

"Why would he do this?" Lenore asked as they stood on the sidewalk.

Benny didn't look the least bit surprised. "Because he's Dean. Come on."

"Where? We don't have a car." Lenore followed Benny down the sidewalk anyway.

"I'll find a car," he said.

It wasn't really the time, but Lenore wondered if Dean had been the one to teach Benny how to hotwire a vehicle, since it didn't seem like something he would have needed to know fifty-odd years ago.

**~oOo~**

Dean was able to force himself to wait for about an hour before he couldn't take it anymore. If anyone died because of his hesitation, it would be on him. He couldn't make Benny and Lenore go with him like this. It would put them in danger, and that would be on him too.

He knew he'd get an earful about it when they found out he was gone, but he couldn't worry about that now. He knew what he was doing. When he arrived at the old building where the nest was holed up, Dean grabbed his machete and some dead man's blood and headed for the most likely entrance he had found with Lenore earlier. She had given him a lot of inside knowledge about how nests operated. He wished she were here now, but it was a passing feeling.

The main floor of the place was empty, which seemed odd. It would be easier to hide from the light there, but Dean searched and found nothing. He could hear them breathing above him, the humans and the vampires. From the rhythmic sound of it, they must have been asleep. The humans still had that frantic cadence that Dean remembered from his first visit.

Taking the stairs as soundlessly as he could manage, Dean ascended to the second floor. There was a sentry who had fallen asleep near the stairwell. Dean hit him with dead man's blood to silence him before relieving him of his head. The blood smell would wake someone up before long, so Dean pushed the body into the stairwell and closed the door to buy a little time.

The breathing noises were louder now, but still coming from above. Dean took the stairs faster this time, anxious to be done with this nest. On the third floor, he found what he had been looking for. The vampires were all sleeping on mats and ratty sleeping bags on the floor. The windows were boarded up and hung with tarps to cover the cracks. Across the room, several large cages held about eight live humans who all stared at Dean in terrified silence. Dean could smell their confusion and desperation. In some ways, it smelled like food. But in a more obvious way, it made Dean want to kill the whole nest even more.

As if to test the waters, Dean stretched out with his mind again, feeling the thoughts of the other vampires. They were all as different as the humans they used to be. They had dreams full of color.

Dean shut off the sensation. He couldn't think about how they were people. How they were like him. He had to kill them. They were monsters.

He walked further into the room, feet making no sound on the dusty floor. He felt the shivers of the humans, smelled their blood and excrement. As he got closer to the cages, he smelled death as well. In the closest one to him, there was a woman with dark hair lying face down. They must have just drained her and not realized she was dead. With that, the rage that had always been such a good motivator rose up inside Dean. He didn't think as he sunk his blade into the neck of the closest vampire. Its life was snuffed out in a gurgle.

That woke the vampire sleeping closest to him, who nudged the one next to her. That started a chain reaction. Dean should have been concerned, but he wasn't. He walked out into the middle of the room. Vampires came at him, but he threw them off with ease. He was surrounded, but he wasn't afraid. He knew somehow that they couldn't hurt him, that they should be afraid of him.

Dean stretched out his mind again, almost involuntarily. He felt every thought that passed through their brains, and without so much as a blink, he turned them off. A blinding white light flashed from somewhere close by. Dean didn't see what happened after that. He felt a coppery taste in his mouth as he fell to the floor and his eyes slid closed.

**~oOo~**

From the street, Benny and Lenore saw the light escaping the windows of the third floor of the building. They hurried inside, and Lenore noticed a distinct absence of the sounds and smells she had commented on earlier. They found blood in the stairwell, but no one was there. When they reached the third floor, it was startlingly empty. There were cages full of human victims, and a grayish-green lump in the middle of the floor.

"Dean?" Benny rushed over to the lump, and Lenore followed him.

When they reached Dean, Benny rolled him over on his back. There was blood running from his nose, and his skin was clammy and pale.

"What the hell did he do?" Lenore asked.

Benny looked down at him with a grave expression. "Whatever it was, it ain't good."

"He's not—"

"No, he's breathing. We should get him out of here and call Cas."

"I'll let those people out first."

Benny nodded for her to go, and Lenore hurried over to the cages. Everyone was shivering and looking exactly like they'd just seen a vampire go nuclear. Lenore broke open the locks and told them to run. It was then she noticed the body on the floor. It was an Asian woman in her 40s or 50s. The bite marks on her neck and arms said that she had been the last meal.

Lenore pulled her out of the cage and carried her across the room. Benny had picked up Dean like he weighed nothing. He was still unconscious.

"She didn't make it," Lenore said, nodding toward the body in her arms.

Benny looked over at her, and his eyes widened. "I know her," he said. "She's Kevin's mother."

Lenore looked at the woman again. She didn't know much about Kevin or why his mother would have been in this area, but that explained why she hadn't come back.

"How did she get here?" Lenore wondered.

"I think she was on her way home. Somewhere in Michigan. They must have taken her on the road."

There was nothing to say. Lenore had been expecting casualties in this fight, but not so soon, and not someone like this.

"We'll take her with us," Benny said.

"Transporting a body isn't exactly an easy proposition."

"Let's deal with that when we get back to the motel. We'll find some plastic or something."

Lenore couldn't think of a better idea, so they hurried back to the alley where Dean's car was parked. They laid him in the back seat and Mrs. Tran in the trunk. Lenore took one last look around to be sure no one saw them before getting in the passenger seat.

"Does Castiel answer vampire prayers?" she asked as Benny pulled out onto the road.

The corner of Benny's mouth quirked. "If not, he's got a phone."

**~oOo~**

Dean felt as though he were swimming through a murky cloud. Or sinking. His head pounded in time with his irregular heartbeat. Where was he? Why couldn't he open his eyes? He saw light and smelled blood. Or tasted it. He couldn't be sure.

For a long time, it stayed like that. Dean was starting to get used to it. Slowly, the fog began to lift. He could hear voices speaking far away from him, familiar sounds that made him feel all at once comfortable and uneasy. After a while, the voices ceased, and it started to grow dark. A little longer and one voice came in much clearer. He could almost make out the words. He felt something cool and soothing and then—

"You have to wake up now Dean," Cas' voice broke through the filter of sleep and Dean opened his eyes.

He was lying on one of the beds in the motel room. His head was killing him, and he felt completely drained.

"Cas..." His voice came out scratchy.

The smell of grace was overpowering, but Dean couldn't have moved to attack Cas even if he'd wanted to.

"You're thirsty?" Cas asked, with a concerned look in his eyes.

"Yeah," Dean managed to reply.

Cas reached for something on the nightstand and held it out to Dean. A glass touched his lips, and soon warm blood was flowing into his mouth. It mixed with the taste of his own, but it helped to clear his head.

Cas set the glass aside, and Dean noticed an empty syringe next to it. "It's easier," Cas said. "Less... painful."

Dean felt like his heart jumped into his throat. "Cas, I'm sorry."

Cas put his hand up to stop Dean. "Don't worry about it. How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a train."

Cas seemed to be thinking. "Yes... that seems accurate."

"For what?"

"Using the kind of power you did without the strength to sustain it. I've experienced it myself once, and it almost killed me."

"But that was before you got your grace back?"

"Yes. When you were in Purgatory and I was hunting with Sam. We were surrounded, and I had no other choice. You must have used what was left of my grace in you to destroy that nest."

Dean sat up halfway. "This is all getting out of control," he said. "I didn't even know I could do that."

Cas shook his head. "You shouldn't have been able to. It doesn't make sense. But in the future... don't try to repeat it. I'm afraid that would kill you."

"Believe me, I'm not in a hurry to feel this way any time soon."

"You should be all right, though."

"Hey, how did you get here?"

"Benny called me. They found you and brought you back here along with Mrs. Tran."

"Wait? What?"

Cas looked sad all of the sudden. "She was the last victim," he said. "I presume they're correct in thinking you would want to take her body back to Kansas."

"She's dead?"

Cas nodded.

Dean sighed and flopped back down on the bed. "Kevin's gonna pull a Bobby on us."

"You think he'll become violent?"

"I know he will—this just speeds things up."

"There was nothing you could have done."

Dean shakily got to his feet and crossed the room. "You're wrong," he said darkly. "I was the only one who could do anything, and I waited too long. I should have been out here fighting all along instead of—"

"Instead of what?" Cas interrupted. "Instead of helping Sam? And me? Instead of bringing Meg and Lenore back? You did what you thought was right."

"Yeah, and we've seen how well that goes. Just because I think something's right, doesn't _make_ it right. It's usually the opposite."

"Don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"Your constant self-deprecation. I once thought you wanted sympathy or affirmation, but even that does not satisfy you. I almost think you enjoy hating yourself."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think, in a sense, you really don't." Cas looked down at his hands resting across his knees.

"Cas, I don't know what I am," Dean said quietly. He hadn't meant to say it at all, but it just came out.

Cas looked up at him with eyes full of sympathy and pain. "It's _who _you are that matters," he said.

Dean looked away from the intense gaze. "Well, I don't know that either."

"What do you want, Dean? What motivates you?"

"I want..." Dean had to think for a moment, though the answer was obvious. "I want everyone to be okay. I want Sam to have a normal life. I want you to be happy and stop almost dying for me. I want... sometimes, I want to kill the world. Sometimes, I want to die."

Cas stared at him with those unwavering eyes, and Dean suddenly felt as if he were inside his nightmares again, just wishing that Cas would stop looking at him. He didn't want anyone to see.

"Do you see the difference?" Cas asked.

"What?" Dean replied.

"The first part is you. It's what you really want. The second part is all the things that have happened to you. But Dean, they can't change you. Who you are is still the man who wants to save everyone."

"What if I can't?"

"Perhaps you should ask yourself what 'saving people' really means."

The way Cas was still looking at Dean left no room for further discussion. Somehow, it made him feel like a little kid again, getting chewed out by his dad. And that reminded Dean of something he had once said to Emma—that his dad was an asshole. Which wasn't entirely true. Sometimes his dad said exactly the right thing with just the right amount of ambiguity much like Cas just had.

* * *

**I'm planning something special for this story's one year anniversary which happens next month. I haven't decided exactly what it will be, but I'll probably have an announcement for it next week.**


	44. The Impossible Girl Part I

**Chapter Forty-Three "The Impossible Girl Part I"**

It had been days since Emma slept. Even her Amazonian strength was starting to wear thin, and her 27th cup of crappy diner coffee wasn't helping. She was on edge, seeing red. All her instincts told her to catch a bus back to Kansas and stab Dean's eyes out in his sleep.

She took another sip of coffee and clenched her other hand to keep from tapping her fingers on the Formica tabletop. This was the last lead she had. After the Amazon tribe had vacated Seattle, they had moved around a lot, finally leaving some traces in Los Angeles. It had been a challenge to dig up reports of Amazon killings in a place so accustomed to violence—it was a perfect place to hide.

Waiting for something to happen wasn't at all what Emma wanted to be doing right now, but she knew if she waited long enough, they would come to her. She gave off this signal of emptiness they would undoubtedly sense. She wondered if her mother would be there.

Emma remembered her mother from the brief time they had spent together. It may have seemed like a blip on the radar to most people, but for Emma it was her entire childhood. She had lived half a lifetime with that woman in the space of a day. She didn't know what that said about the amount of time she had spent with Dean, but she was trying not to think about it.

When the waitress came around to fill Emma's 28th cup, she gave in to the urge to tap her fingers. She knew she would have to go looking soon. Her money was running out, and maybe the other Amazons needed help finding her in a city this size.

She turned back to the newspaper she had been scanning for clues before deciding there must not have been any recent gruesome deaths worth reporting. Her next stop would be a library. One of the things Emma had enjoyed the most in her short life was research with Charlie. It was fascinating to know that there was all that information out there just ready to be absorbed. Of course, she would have to rein herself in if she were to find her tribe in a timely manner.

Emma paid for her coffee and headed back out to the street. She could catch a bus to the nearest library, but she felt like walking for a while after all that time on the road. If she had been a normal girl, this would have been a dangerous proposition, but Emma was nothing like a normal girl. She felt the knife under her jacket to remind herself it was still there, but she wouldn't have needed it. She wasn't likely to come across any monsters in the middle of the morning, even in downtown LA.

Emma had never seen so many people. She'd spent most of her existence in a dimension entirely made up of woods, so she wasn't entirely prepared for all the crowds. For a while, she didn't let go of the knife as if every face in the mass of bodies were a threat. Eventually, she relaxed a little, but she still didn't like the place.

On the upside, she was able to get directions to the closest library, as well as something fried and greasy, from a street vendor. She had enough money left for a night's stay in a crappy motel, and that was about it.

As soon as she got to the library, Emma headed straight for the computers. It would be easier to look up news articles this way and then go find the physical copies if she needed to. At first, her search results were overwhelming. There were far too many murders in Los Angeles to wade through. Then Emma remembered something Charlie had told her about narrowing her focus. She tried a few different key phrases like "missing limbs." After that, things started to look more promising. It took a while to track down any locations of bodies, but by that afternoon, Emma had about a ten block radius of where to search.

She also decided on a cover story if anyone asked what she was up to. She would say she was a college student working on a research project. It wouldn't help if anyone asked to see ID because she didn't have any, but she could at least bluff for a little while.

When she left the library, Emma caught another bus to the neighborhood she needed. It took a long time to get there, which also gave Emma a long time to think about how she had gotten here. That was the last thing she needed right now. The more she thought about Dean, the more conflicted Emma was. She wanted to hate him like she was supposed to, to be a good little monster. But she wasn't good. She wasn't anything. She didn't even know if the Amazons would help her or kill her. Dean had helped her. Unconditionally. What did that say about him?

Emma glared out the window and forced herself to pay attention to the garish billboards and ostentatious buildings as she passed.

When the bus finally came to a stop, Emma got out and stretched her legs. She was in for a long walk.

**~oOo~**

Pulling into the garage after being gone for two days, Dean felt nothing like he had when he left. That good feeling that nothing could go wrong was long gone. Maybe that had something to do with Linda Tran's body in the trunk, but Dean knew it was more than that. He didn't know what he was going to say to Kevin.

Benny offered to take her body down to the morgue for now, and Dean agreed. He picked up his things from the trunk: his old duffle bag, the weapons that needed to be cleaned, the bloody laundry. Lenore grabbed hers and Benny's things, and the two of them didn't say anything as they headed inside. They parted ways when they got to the hallway that lead to their rooms.

Dean unpacked slowly, forcing himself to focus on that for the moment until he could figure out what to do next. He took a shower and changed his clothes and pretended everything was normal.

When he finally left the room, he found Sam standing in the hallway, almost as if he'd been waiting for him.

"Hey," Sam said in his we-need-to-talk-but-I-don't-want-to voice.

"Hey," Dean repeated, looking Sam up and down as if to be sure he was still all there. "How's the shoulder?"

A flicker of surprise crossed Sam's face. "Oh, it's fine," he replied. "I hardly feel anything anymore."

Dean nodded. "Good." He meant it. Seeing Sam the way he'd been before was heartbreaking.

"Listen, I, uh, I know we haven't had a chance to talk since... all this, but—"

"Talk about what, Sam?"

Sam sighed. "Everything. I mean, how far back do you want me to go? I was a jerk about Emma; you were right about bringing Meg back. There seems to be a theme."

Dean shook his head. "I got no right to be mad at you about that stuff. What I've done..."

"Which is completely unrelated."

"No, it isn't. I wanted to bring Meg back to help Cas. And Emma. I ended up hurting both of them. And then I go blaming you when I've done far worse."

"We've both said some things—"

"You've said things. I've done things. Big difference. You know, I killed a kid the other day? She was probably twelve, thirteen. I took her head off 'cause she was a monster. If we're keeping score around here—"

"We're not," Sam insisted. "And... I had no idea."

Dean laughed humorlessly. "You know, I thought of Emma when I killed her. I thought about what I would have done to my own daughter if I thought I had to. I wasn't sorry. I didn't feel bad."

"Dean, the world we live in... things aren't all black and white. They never have been. When we were young and stupid we thought monsters were monsters and people were people, and that was the end of it. But real life isn't like that. You've had to do things and think about far worse because of the life you've been dealt. It's not your fault—"

"Whose fault is it Sam? God?" Dean shook his head. "Pretty sure we're making our own choices here."

"You didn't choose to go through all the things that happened to you. No one would choose that."

"You know, everyone keeps telling me I do more good than bad, but I don't. Weren't you the one who said that?"

"Dean, this is about saving the world. Humanity as a whole is about to be enslaved and probably destroyed, and you're the only one who can stop it."

Dean nodded once. "Yeah, you got me there. That's why I'm still here, Sammy. Otherwise..."

"Don't."

"What, you thought I'd changed my mind?"

"No, I—just don't talk about it now."

Dean saw the sadness in Sam's eyes at the turn of the conversation, and he let it go. "Okay, I've got a practical question for you."

"Shoot."

"How the hell am I supposed to tell Kevin his mom is dead?"

"What?" Kevin flickered into view behind Sam.

Dean had completely forgotten that Sam had the ring until that horrible moment.

"Kevin—" Dean started.

"My mom is dead?" he demanded. "When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Yesterday," Dean said. "The nest we found... she was there. If I'd gotten there sooner—"

"Dean," Sam said firmly but quietly.

"I'm sorry," Dean said. "I should have saved her."

Kevin made a crackling noise before disappearing again.

"Kevin!"

"Leave him alone for a while," Sam advised.

"Oh, yeah, let the ghost get more pent up anger and pain."

"Dean, it's Kevin."

Dean looked Sam in the eye. "Just like it was Bobby?" he said.

**~oOo~**

"You've got some nerve coming back here," the woman at the end of the hallway said.

Emma was standing outside the door of the most recent Amazon victim's apartment when she was found.

She looked Lydia over carefully. "Hi Mom," she said. "Miss me?"

"What happened to you? Why didn't you finish your mission?"

"Getting shot and sent to Purgatory kinda got in the way." Emma could hear Dean's sarcastic tone in her own voice.

Lydia's eyes widened as she approached Emma cautiously. "How are you alive?"

"Oh, you've got Dad to thank for that. Turns out being a monster kind of runs in the family. Got himself turned into a vampire and couldn't live with it."

"And he got you out? Why?"

"Because he's soft. I figured you knew that."

Lydia nodded slowly. "Dean Winchester," she said as if trying to remember. "Very sentimental."

"He couldn't even kill me the first time."

"That still doesn't explain why you haven't killed him yet."

"How would you know I haven't?"

"Your transformation is not yet complete. You're still... human."

"Wh—what?" Emma did her best to hide the strange surge of excitement she felt at the news.

"A technicality. Obviously if you've come here, you'd rather not be."

"I... I don't really belong anywhere else."

"You don't belong because you haven't come down on a side."

"Like I have a choice."

Lydia smiled. "No, you don't. You were born to be a killer. It's a proud tradition."

Emma shrugged. "So teach me."

Lydia shook her head. "Some things must be experienced. You have not yet spilled human blood. It must be him, you know. No one else will do."

Emma didn't know what else she could have expected. She had known almost since her first breath that this would be her choice: kill her father and become a monster, or forever live with the crippling desire to do so. Until she killed him, she'd never be free. But was it really freedom to turn herself into what they wanted?

"Come with me," Lydia said. "We can prepare you for the task. It will be more difficult now that he knows you."

She couldn't know. It had always been difficult, even before Emma had ever met Dean. Something deep within her railed at the thought of following anyone's plan for her life. But how else was she supposed to have a family? How was she to find her place in the world?

**~oOo~**

Kevin had been hiding for three days. Sam and Dean, and even Charlie had tried calling out to him to get him to talk, but he wouldn't. Sam left the ring in the library so Kevin wouldn't automatically follow him around if he went anywhere. All his feelings of nervousness leading up to this had been confirmed. He didn't want to think that Kevin would go vengeful, but the poor kid probably couldn't help himself. Even Bobby, who had been strong enough to fight off demon possession hadn't been able to hold out forever.

Dean had gotten quiet too. He avoided the library and the kitchen most of the time, as if being around people was too much for him. Sam suspected that he was trying to get Kevin to talk to him, apologizing for not saving his mom, blaming himself for everything. Except Kevin hated it when Dean did that, if Sam remembered correctly.

Charlie kept working on her own, occasionally looking across the library at the lonely angel tablet sitting there amid Kevin's notes. They didn't necessarily need information on angels anymore, but if they did find the vampire tablet, they would need Kevin to read it. No one else would be able to after what Metatron did.

Sam helped Charlie as best he could, and tracked down more vampire nests which Benny had started leading expeditions after since Dean refused to leave the bunker. Cas, Meg, and Lenore went along since they were all concerned about how big most nests were becoming. Without Dean, two hunters wasn't going to cut it, but an angel and a demon and two vampires certainly stood a fair chance against most. Sam could see in Cas' eyes that he hated leaving, but this was Dean's mission. They all had to keep going, even if Dean didn't want to join them at the moment.

Eventually, Jody joined the hunting as well, and even Charlie went out a couple of times to "gather intel." Annie came back to the library and helped Sam keep researching. They actually had kind of a routine going for a while.

When Cas sat down next to Sam in the library one morning with a worried look in his eyes, Sam wondered if this were the conversation he'd been expecting ever since Dean went quiet.

"He hasn't eaten in six days," Cas said without introduction.

"How do you know?" Sam asked warily.

"Because there are more blood bags in the refrigerator now than there were then. Human and... otherwise. It's not like Dean not to eat."

As weird as it was that "eating" now meant drinking Cas' blood, Sam knew he was right. The longer Dean went like this, the more unstable he would become. Just like Kevin.

"What can we do?" Sam asked.

Cas shook his head. "I don't know. All our work here means nothing if Dean isn't..."

Sam ran his left thumb over one of the more prominent scars on the back of his right hand. Everything he feared was happening. Kevin was losing his grip, Dean was turning into something none of them recognized, and they didn't seem to be making any progress at all. The world was going to fall apart and there was nothing Sam could do about it.

**~oOo~**

Dean paced back and forth in the dungeon. The devil's traps etched into the floor irritated him slightly. He stared at the old college ring that had belonged to Kevin's father. Dean had taken it from the library, and it was sitting in the middle of the floor. He watched it like it would come alive.

"I wonder what he was like," Dean said suddenly. "Your dad. You didn't know him that well, did you?"

There was no response, but Dean hadn't expected there to be.

"Your mom..." Dean faltered but soon recovered. "She did everything she could to protect you. I never should have brought you here. If I hadn't, she might still be alive."

The rafters rattled slightly. Kevin was angry. He had a right to be. And the only way Dean was going to get him to come out was to make him more angry.

"You were right, you know? When you said I always end up screwing you over. I do. It's not like I mean to, but that's just what I do to people. People who aren't Sam, I guess. And sometimes Sam too. Hell, my own daughter is so messed up, she wants to kill me."

Dean shakes his head as he slumps against the wall and slides to the floor.

"Why the hell did anyone think _I_ could save the world? I've done a pretty good job screwing it up so far. I mean, I can't even die right. You know something about that though, don't you?"

There was a deep rumbling in the walls and the floors, like an answer. The lights flickered.

"I get it; you're mad," Dean said. "I would be too. I _am_. A monster killed my mom, too. Took me over twenty years, but I killed him. You don't have to wait that long. I'm right here, Kevin. It's my fault your mom is dead, so if you wanna be angry, take it out on me. No one else needs to get hurt."

The light bulb shattered in a shower of sparks. Something cracked over Dean's head, and Kevin showed up looking like he was glowing in a creepy sort of way.

"Shut up!" he screamed. "I don't care! I don't fucking care!"

Dean stood up, and he couldn't help staring. He had never seen Kevin look remotely scary before. Now, the young prophet was terrifying.

"Kevin—" Dean started.

"Don't talk to me," Kevin growled. "All you ever do is talk about how guilty you are, and I'm sick of it. You sit around, and you whine about how horrible you life is and how you've screwed up everything and all your friends are dead. Boo hoo!"

Kevin was pacing now, and he wasn't even flickering slightly.

"No one cares that you don't know who you are. No one cares how messed up you are inside. Know how I know that? 'Cause nobody gave a shit about me. You were always too busy saving the world to care about my feelings, so you know what? Don't expect me to care about yours. Go. Save the world. Get some more people killed along the way, but don't you dare feel guilty because we all know there's only one thing you care about."

"That's not true," Dean said.

"Please." Kevin snorted. "What did you really know about my mom? What did you know about me? Or for that matter, most of those people upstairs. If every single one of us were gone tomorrow, you'd be okay if you still had Sam."

Dean shook his head. "No I wouldn't. I haven't been okay a day in my life since I was four years old. I don't even know what that means. You're right; I didn't know your mom that well. I knew she was a good mom. That's about it. But I did know you. Maybe not like I know Sam or Cas, but you were part of my family. When you died—"

"Oh, not this again," Kevin interrupted with a heavy sigh. "Not the self-loathing crap. You're so stupid, you can't even see, Dean. You can't see all the people who love you and just let them. You think you have to prove something by brooding all the time and saving everybody. Why can't you just be a person? You know, someone who makes mistakes and lets other people in?"

Whatever expectations Dean had of this conversation, it hadn't gone at all that way. Kevin was angry, sure, but not entirely about his mom dying. And not entirely at Dean.

"You gonna get that?" Kevin asked suddenly.

"What?" Dean replied.

"Your phone is ringing."

Dean realized Kevin was right. He had been so caught up in what was going on, he hadn't noticed. When he pulled it out of his pocket, he didn't recognize the number, but he still answered.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Dad?" Emma's voice came over the line, shaky and cracking.

"Emma?" Dean instantly forgot all about Kevin and everything he'd been thinking before.

"I wouldn't have called, but—there's no one else. They've got me. I—I can't get away."

"Who? Who's got you? Where are you, Emma?"

"Los Angeles. I know you'll be able to find me."

The call ended, and Dean stared at his phone for a good 30 seconds before he looked up and saw Kevin watching him.

"So, you going or what?" Kevin asked.

Dean thought about everything that just happened, and a realization came over him. "You were wrong about one thing," he said. "There's definitely more than one person I care about."

Kevin might have been smiling. "I know," he said.

Dean didn't wait to find out what Kevin meant by that. He would never really understand ghosts. Instead, he hurried out of the dungeon and headed up to the library. He was going to need backup on this one.

**~oOo~**

Emma walked away from the payphone with a knot in her gut. For the last week, this feeling of being twisted up and torn apart on the inside had been growing. She never planned on things going this way. She didn't have much of a plan at all, but she certainly never thought she'd be doing this.

Lydia was waiting for her at the corner with the car. "How did it go?" she asked as Emma got into the passenger seat.

"He'll come," Emma said.

"You're sure? He doesn't suspect?"

Emma shook her head. "He's worried about me."

There was no way Dean saw through her fear because it had been real. Emma was more afraid than she had ever been. After facing death once, she was more terrified by it than she had been before. Her survival now depended on keeping her cool and lying through her teeth to everyone who pretended to care about her. Dean wasn't going to save her, but neither was Lydia. Emma was alone.

* * *

**I'm contemplating a big twist coming near the end of this story that I hadn't originally planned on, but it fits in with what I did have planned. This last scene with Kevin will be relevant to how it comes out.**

**Also, I have an announcement about a special chapter that will be showing up somewhere in the vicinity of the one year anniversary of this story being published. So, there will be an extra chapter for the week of June 26th in addition to the regular weekly chapter. I am thinking about more specialness for that week, but you will definitely be seeing two chapters if nothing else.**


	45. The Impossible Girl Part II

**Chapter Forty-Four "The Impossible Girl Part II"**

After getting so caught up with Kevin over the last week, Dean had completely forgotten about the whole eating thing. Now that he was focused on something else, his thirst hit him right in the middle of climbing the stairs. And unlike before, it wasn't the "attack mode" sort of thirst; it was the "haven't eaten in days" sort. He felt light headed and tired. This was so not good.

Dean managed to reach the main floor and stumble toward the kitchen. He remembered that Cas was going to start stocking up on angel blood. He just had to get to the fridge, and why was the hallway spinning?

Dean reached out to steady himself against the wall, but he couldn't find the wall. The world seemed to tilt, and he couldn't find his balance. It was only when he noticed the floor rising up to meet him that Dean realized he was falling. He managed to throw his hands in front of his face to avoid landing on it.

The cool tile floor was the only thing Dean could feel as he closed his eyes to stop the spinning. What the hell was happening? He had to get up. He needed to get to Emma. She was in trouble. Someone had her.

Dean put his hands flat on the floor and rose up to his knees. He opened his eyes and instantly wanted to close them again. But he forced himself to focus on one spot further down the hall and started crawling. This was ridiculous.

Dean reached the corner before falling on his face again. His whole body felt like a lead weight, and no matter what he did, he couldn't move. His hands twitched and he tried to dig his fingers into the grout between the tiles just to get a grip on something. He was starting to think about calling for help when he heard footsteps, which got increasingly louder as they came closer to him.

"Dean?" Sam's voice sounded fuzzy, distant.

But his smell was very strong. Dean hadn't noticed how powerful human blood could be because he was always focused on angel blood before, but now he couldn't seem to shake the urge to take a bite out of whatever fleshy part presented itself.

There was more talking, but Dean didn't really hear it. He could feel the heat of Sam's blood as he tried to pull Dean off the floor.

"Get back!" Dean growled. He was sort of sitting now with his back to the wall, and Sam was crouched in front of him.

"Hey," Sam said. "It's gonna be okay. Cas is getting you some blood."

Blood. He needed blood. Sam had lots of blood. No.

"Get away!" Dean waved his hands in Sam's direction, but he could already feel his teeth descending.

Then something new changed his focus. The smell of human blood was completely overpowered by the smell of grace.

No, not Cas. He couldn't hurt Cas again.

Dean felt something hit the side of his leg. He looked down to see that Cas had thrown a blood bag from a few feet away. Dean could think about the implications later. He fumbled with the bag until he just decided to rip it open with his teeth. As soon as the taste hit his tongue, he felt better. He sucked the bag dry and let his head fall back against the wall. The spinning had stopped, and he didn't feel like a paralyzed lump anymore.

When he could finally breathe normally again, Dean looked down to see Sam and Cas watching him with worried looks.

"So, dehydration sucks," he said.

"You're lucky we came to find you," Sam said.

"Yeah, about that." Dean got to his feet. "I just got a call from Emma. She's in some kind of trouble."

"Emma?" Sam sounded confused.

"Yeah. She's in LA, and someone or something is after her. She was vague." Dean paused and looked from Sam to Cas and back again. "You don't have to come with me. I'm taking volunteers on this one."

"What about Kevin?" Sam asked.

"He's okay. Well—not okay, but he's being philosophical, and I think he was trying to teach me a lesson or something."

"He's still an angry ghost."

"Like I said, not everyone has to go. You can stay here."

Sam shook his head. "I'm not letting you go out on your own again. Cas can stay here."

"I don't think that's a good idea either," Cas said. "We don't know what's after Emma. What if the Alpha found her?"

Dean hadn't thought of that before, but now he was. "Okay, so we still have people around here who can handle Kevin," Dean said. "I'll leave his ring with Jody or Meg."

"Meg is following a lead on the vampire tablet," Cas said. "She said it would be best if I weren't there. She took Lenore with her."

"Where's Benny?" Dean asked.

"In the library," Sam said. "Reading Keats or something."

"Well, that's gotta stop," Dean said.

**~oOo~**

After Dean left, Kevin let out a sigh that seemed to bring the walls in closer. He was surprised that he had managed to stay as controlled as he did. He had help.

The overwhelming presence that had been with Kevin ever since he died was growing more evident as Kevin's stress levels rose. It wasn't so much a person as it was a force, a nudging voice like a conscience but not. Somehow Kevin knew it wasn't just a part of being dead. Something was helping him. Keeping him sane when most people would have gone evil by now.

"I had to yell a little bit," Kevin said. "I mean, what would you do?"

_"Keep it in,"_ the voice said, there was a hint of disapproval, but mostly, it was matter-of-fact.

"She was my mom." The walls rattled a little.

_"Calm down, Kevin. She's in Heaven now. You'll see her when you go."_

"But I can't go now."

_"No, they still need you."_

"I just gotta get a handle on this. I'll be fine."

_"Yeah, you will. You got no other choice."_

"You're just a ray of sunshine all the time, aren't you?"

_"You learned that kind of sarcasm from Dean."_

"You never said how you know him."

_"I've been around for a while."_

"That's not vague. It's not that I don't trust you, but it would be nice to see who I'm talking to."

_"Not yet. Not until the time is right."_

"When will that be?"

_"When I'm needed the most. I can't say for sure. I'll know it when it comes."_

"Until then?"

_"Keep doing what you can to help them, and I will too."_

"How?"

_"By getting back to work."_

**~oOo~**

It didn't take any convincing for Benny to come along to find Emma. Even though she had tried to kill him that one time and threw him across the room another time. It wasn't about her of course; it was the absolutely terrified look in Dean's eyes that no one else could quite see. The look of a father.

The four of them were on the road in less than an hour. Dean had been thoroughly nagged by the other three to pack enough blood just in case they ran into trouble. It was almost funny how Dean always looked after everyone else, but he needed multiple babysitters to get him to do what he needed to.

It was late afternoon when they left, causing the sun to glare through the windshield as they headed west. Benny and Dean took the back seat for this part of the trip, though Benny was beginning to suspect that Dean didn't really need to stay out of the sun. It hadn't bothered him much at all since they got back from Purgatory.

This almost seemed like another side mission, an excuse for Dean not to deal with what was happening to him, but maybe he needed that right now. And Benny couldn't exactly argue with dropping everything to save a family member from imminent danger. Dean wouldn't be Dean if he didn't.

"I know I've never been there," Benny said after they'd been on the road a while. "But how exactly do you plan to find one girl in a city the size of Los Angeles?"

"The same way I found her in Purgatory," Dean said.

"Even you can't pick one human out of that many."

"She doesn't smell human. She smells... like me."

Benny gave Dean a confused look. "Smells human to me."

"Maybe it's a family thing."

"Does Sam smell funny too?"

"I'm right here!" Sam said from the driver's seat.

"Of course he does," Dean said, ignoring Sam. "But he always has."

"I could turn on some polka music if you want," Sam said, almost as if it would be a favor.

"Don't you dare." Dean leaned over the seat.

"Or what? Driver picks the music, right?" Sam reached toward the stereo.

"Yeah, and then driver gets his ass kicked straight out the windshield."

Sam retracted his hand and had this smile on his face like he'd won some kind of prize. And maybe he had. Benny could see how having Dean for a brother affected Sam's sense of humor, amongst other things.

**~oOo~**

Nearly a day's drive later, Dean pulled up to possibly the crappiest motel he'd ever seen. They planned to set up here and then go looking for Emma. As they got out of the car, Benny muttered something indistinguishable to human ears.

"What's that?" Dean asked, trying not to smile.

"I get what you meant about Sam's smell," Benny repeated louder.

"Still right here," Sam said, closing the car door and going to the trunk to get his stuff.

"Remember not to let him eat Mexican food," Dean said. "You wouldn't think it could get worse, but it does."

"You know what?" Sam closed the trunk with a _thud_. "You vampires can share a room then. I'm betting Cas doesn't snore."

"I don't," Cas said in all seriousness. "I don't sleep anymore."

"I don't snore." Dean feigned to take offense.

"You do little," Benny said apologetically. "But only when you fall asleep sitting up."

"Why did no one ever tell me?"

"I thought it was normal," Cas replied.

Benny shrugged. "It's kind of cute."

"It's not half as bad as Dad," Sam said.

Dean laughed it off, but as they went inside, he felt the joking mood fade away. He wasn't sure if it was Sam's comment about their dad or just the real reason he was here coming back to him. He had a feeling there wouldn't be much more teasing on this trip.

They left their bags in the motel, but made sure the weapons stayed with them as they all headed back to the car. Sam drove while Dean sat in the passenger seat with the window rolled down to search for any scent of Emma.

After a while, Sam let out a tired sort of sigh. "You know, I do want you to find her," he said quietly.

Dean looked over at Sam, not sure why he chose to say this now. "I know," he said.

"Good, 'cause..." Sam rested his elbow on the window ledge and leaned his head against his hand. "I just don't want you to think I don't care or something."

"Sam, I don't," Dean said. "I never really did."

Sam glanced over at Dean with a look of surprise in his eyes. "But—"

"It doesn't matter now. We just have to find her. We'll work out the rest later."

Sam nodded and focused on the road again. "Yeah."

"Turn left," Dean said.

"What?"

"Left, now!"

Sam nearly got them all flattened by oncoming traffic as he made a sharp corner, but Dean couldn't bring himself to care. He smelled something. He smelled Emma.

**~oOo~**

Emma twirled her finger around the pattern in the wood grain of the table where she sat. Across the room, she could hear Lydia talking with some other Amazons about the preparations. She caught a glimpse of the mark on the inside of her wrist and stopped moving her hand. It felt like such a long time ago that she had been branded by the tribe, marked as one of them. She had never quite felt like one of them, though.

Now, her last chance presented itself, and she didn't know what she was going to do. With all the lengths the tribe was going to, killing Dean would be easy, physically speaking. But still, a nagging thought prodded at Emma: why? Why should she have to kill him if she didn't want to? Why did any of them do it? She understood the instinct, but she also knew that pure instincts were for animals. She wasn't an animal, was she? Was she a person? This was where things always got muddled. She didn't really know what it meant to be a person, anyway.

Lydia finished her conversation and crossed the room toward Emma. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"Of course," Emma said, because that was the best way not to get killed.

Lydia smiled, and touched Emma's hand in what must have been a maternal gesture. Emma resisted the urge to pull away. She needed Lydia to think she was sold on all this. Part of the tribe, part of the family.

"What happens next?" Emma asked, masking her fear with curiosity.

"Once you've killed him? Then you're one of us. You gain all the privileges and responsibilities of an Amazon."

"Like what?"

"Like great schools and jobs and anything you want. You will have to produce a child eventually, like I did."

"You mean... I have to find a man and... do what you did? Have a baby and give her away so she can go kill her father?"

"That's how it works."

Emma nodded, trying not to show how much that thought disgusted her. Seducing some stranger and luring him to his death. Not to mention getting herself pregnant which didn't sound fun at all.

Emma felt her stomach turn as she wished for Dean to hurry and simultaneously hoped he wouldn't come.

"You okay, sweetie?" Lydia asked, squeezing Emma's hand.

Emma looked up and put on the best smile she could fake. Dean had taught her that. "Yeah," she said. "Can't wait."

**~oOo~**

Dean followed Emma's scent as it led out of the city and finally to a large house on a hillside. It was a defensible position, which was probably the point. Dean could smell others inside, hear them moving. They weren't quite human, but they weren't vampires either. The other option was the one Dean had been thinking ever since he left Emma at the bus station. She went back to her tribe.

"No way we get in there unseen," Benny said from the back seat.

"Well, I could," Cas said. "But I don't know what that would accomplish."

"It's not just about getting her out," Dean agreed. "We lost these bitches last time. That's not gonna happen again."

"So we're taking on a house full of Amazons," Sam said. "Great."

"I'm gonna have to echo that sentiment," Benny said. He nodded toward Cas. "Your angel battery's worn down, and that girl was stronger than me when she wasn't all the way done."

Dean thought for a moment. He hadn't forced them all to come, and he wouldn't make them go in if they didn't want to. He wasn't really worried about saving Emma. There just wasn't any other choice.

"They die just like humans," Dean finally said. "I'm going in. No one's gotta come with me if you don't want."

Dean got out of the car and stood there for a moment, looking for the best way into the house. He heard three other car doors open and close, and turned back to see that the others were standing there waiting for him.

"We're not letting you go alone," Sam said.

"Get used to it," Benny added with a smirk.

Cas didn't say anything; he just stared at Dean like he always did, like he was looking into his soul. He didn't need words.

"Okay." Dean rested his hands on top of the car. "This is gonna get hairy. It's probably best not to let them get too close."

"Guns are in the trunk," Sam said.

The four of them went around to the back of the car, and Sam opened up the weapons compartment. Dean grabbed his own gun and several extra magazines. When Sam handed one to Cas, the angel looked at it like it was a poisonous snake.

"Just point and shoot, Cas," Dean said. "But only at them."

"I understand the concept," Cas replied. He clicked off the safety and pulled back the slide.

"Okay, Sam, you're with me," Dean said. "We'll take the west side. Benny and Cas, you take the east side. Don't get separated. If things get too hot, pull out and meet back here. And Sam—" Dean turned to face his brother and put a hand on his shoulder. "If I tell you to run, you run like hell, understand?"

"Dean—" Sam started.

"_Understand_?"

"I'm not gonna leave you in there to die."

"No, you're not. You're gonna look out for yourself. I'll be fine."

"We gonna go before Sam gets any older?" Benny interrupted, tucking his gun into his belt.

Dean nodded, and the four of them crossed the road. It seemed a little too quiet as they split up to cross the yard. It was late afternoon, so the east side was shadier, which was exactly why Dean sent Benny that way. He didn't care so much about the glaring California sun.

Sneaking into a place like this with Sam almost felt like the good old days. If good was a subjective term. Sam picked the lock on the side door, and they found themselves in the basement of the house.

"Maybe they're out?" Sam said quietly as they crept through the empty room.

Dean shook his head. "I can feel them breathing," he replied.

Sam didn't talk after that.

They reached a door that led out into a hallway. Dean heard the faint click before the dart came whizzing at Sam's chest. He pushed Sam out of the way, catching the dart in the shoulder as they went down.

"Tripwire," Dean groaned as he rolled off Sam.

"What for?" Sam grumbled, dusting off his clothes. "To annoy us?"

"I don't know—oh."

"What?" Sam turned to Dean with a worried look.

Dean pulled the dart out of his shoulder. He should have smelled it, but now he was feeling it. "Dead man's blood," he said.

"Are you okay? There's more blood in the car if—"

"Sam, it's fine. Just give me a second. We don't have time to go back."

"They know you're a vampire. They were expecting you."

"Yeah, looks like it."

"You're not at all worried about this?"

"Doesn't change the plan."

"What plan is that exactly? Get yourself killed?"

"Calm down, Sam. I'm all right." Dean got to his feet and looked around to see if there were any more dangers. "Let's keep going."

Sam let out a huffing noises, but didn't say anything else as he followed Dean down the hallway.

**~oOo~**

Benny wasn't sure why Dean had put him and Cas together to sneak into the house. They both lacked what you might call subtlety. Of course, the other option would have been Dean trusting someone else to look after his baby brother, so really, it was the only option.

After breaking second floor window as quietly as possible, Benny climbed up the lattice along the side of the house while Cas flew in. Benny thought he had once heard something about angels being able to take passengers, but Cas hadn't been doing that lately.

In the end, it was just as well, because when Benny climbed through the window, he found Cas surrounded by a circle of flame.

"It seems they were expecting us," Cas said flatly with a sour look on his face.

Benny raised his eyebrows. "You stuck?" he asked.

Cas gestured at the flames. "This is holy fire," he said. "What do you think?"

"Any way to put it out?"

"If you can find something to smother it. Though I'm surprised no one has arrived to kill us yet."

Benny decided to let the pessimism pass and look around for something to smother the flames. There were large curtains over the windows, but they were made of some lightweight material that would probably just burn instead of snuffing out the flames. He contemplated just stepping on it to make an opening, but vampires and fire really didn't go together either.

He decided to try the flowery painting on the wall, but just as she reached up to pull it down, something hit Benny in the middle of his back, causing him to fall forward against the wall. He turned to see a woman standing in a doorway on the other side of the hall. She held a dart gun in her hand, aimed right at Benny.

"You are not part of the trial," she said, and her eyes flashed red like Emma's sometimes did.

Before Benny could even think to move, she shot him again, and he slid down to the floor. The dead man's blood was already in his system, paralyzing his limbs and rendering him useless.

She was about to shoot him again when the sound of a real gun cracked, and she fell to the floor with a few new holes in her head.

Benny looked up to see Cas holding his gun in the middle of the ring of fire. "I guess we're both stuck now," he said.

* * *

**The great thing about having a lot going on is that it makes for long chapters. I know the thing with Kevin's ghostly spirit guide wasn't that well foreshadowed, but it fits in with what's going to happen later, and it made sense to bring it in now when we're getting closer to the final act. Hopefully it's not too jarring.**


	46. The Impossible Girl Part III

**Chapter Forty-Five "The Impossible Girl Part III"**

Emma took the steps one at a time, placing both feet on the ledge before going to the next one. Her heart hammered in her chest, and she knew he could hear it. He was halfway across the house, but he had found her. This was the end for one or both of them. Emma didn't want to die. She didn't want to go back to that place where killing came so easy and every monster looked the same.

At the bottom of the stairs, she reached the door. There was no going back now. There never had been. Emma swallowed hard and pushed the door open. The dark basement was quiet and empty, full of dust and cobwebs. It ran the full length of the house, and staring into it felt like looking into the mouth of some ravenous beast with only blackness inside.

Emma closed the door and twisted the key in the lock. It wouldn't hold anything, but it was more of a formality. She stuck the key in her pocket and walked into the darkness. The dust on the floor made a shuffling noise as the soles of her shoes brushed the concrete surface underneath. He must have known she was coming. Why hadn't he shown himself yet?

Moving into the next room, the darkness only increased. The beating of her heart seemed to stop, and in that instant, Emma knew she was dead. She wasn't walking toward her first kill. She was running to her own demise. The breath caught in her throat, and Emma wanted to scream. She wanted Dean to come and save her. But that wasn't why he was here. He was going to kill her.

Emma felt tears stinging her eyes. No, she wouldn't cry. She was too strong for that. She hadn't cried when her mother gave her away, when her uncle killed her, when her father didn't love her. But had he? He gave her a chance when no one else would, but she had blown than opportunity. He wasn't the sort to give second tries.

The humid air surrounding her caused a trickle of sweat down Emma's back. Her skin tingled, and she stopped in the middle of the dusty floor. She listened for any hint of a sound. The knife grip in her hand slipped, and she tightened her fingers to keep it from falling.

The sound of a door slamming against the wall jolted Emma as if waking from a dream. Light flooded in from the open doorway at the other end of the room, casting long shadows in Emma's direction.

Dean came running toward Emma, but stopped suddenly. It was then she realized she was holding the knife out in front of her. Her hand was shaking.

"Emma?" Dean's voice was shockingly gentle.

"I—I have to." She wasn't really thinking anymore, just acting on some kind of fight or flight response. He was going to kill her soon.

"You don't have to do anything," Dean said more forcefully. "We've talked about this."

"Dean," Sam's voice cut in. If Dean didn't kill her, he would.

But Dean ignored his brother. "Emma, you're stronger than this."

She shook her head, and she wasn't sure if the light was messing with her eyes or if she really was crying. "I don't belong anywhere," she said.

"You belong with me." The way he said it made Emma think that he really believed that and had for a long time.

"Well, that's cute," Lydia's voice came from the shadows off to Emma's right.

Dean produced a gun from somewhere and fired at her, but she ducked behind a row of shelves and shot her dart gun at him, hitting him twice in the chest. Dean stumbled back, but Sam was already firing his gun at Lydia. The sound was like being inside a crack of thunder.

Sam turned the gun on Emma. "You did this!" he said.

Emma took a step back reflexively and dropped her knife. She was certain this was the end. It would have been if Lydia hadn't managed to climb up into the pipes and drop down on Sam, knocking the gun out of his hand. It went off, but the bullet struck the wall behind Emma. Lydia lifted Sam up and tossed him across the room into another empty shelf. She dusted herself off and turned to face Emma.

"You only have to kill this one," she said, gesturing at Dean.

He was lying on the floor, paralyzed from the dead man's blood. Lydia shot him again for good measure.

"You weren't supposed to be here," Emma said. "No one was supposed to help me."

Lydia shrugged. "Maybe it's a little personal for me."

Personal? That couldn't mean Lydia actually had feelings for Emma, could it?

"I mean, he was the one that go away, you know," she went on. "I wanted to be sure you killed him. I wanted to see it."

No. It was exactly as Emma suspected. Lydia only cared about her revenge or whatever it was.

"What are you waiting for?" Lydia eyes the knife on the floor. "He's not getting any deader."

Emma slowly crouched down and picked up the knife. It's handle felt so familiar, so comfortable. But her hands were sweating. She couldn't hold it steady. She switched the knife to her left hand, wiped her palm on her jeans, and then switched back.

"It'll all be over soon," Lydia promised.

Over. It would be over. What did that even mean? Did Emma even want it to be over? She thought of all the time she had spent with Dean as she approached him. He had trusted her, told her about his father, and told her they would make all kinds of memories together.

Lydia put her hand on Emma's shoulder. "It has to be done right," she reminded her.

The symbols. The dismemberment. Emma couldn't get the mental image to go away. She saw Dean on the floor helpless. He came because he trusted her, to save her. He was good.

Emma stood over him, biting down on the inside of her lip to keep it from quivering too much. His breath came in gasps, and his hands and feet twitched.

"Emma..." he croaked.

"I'm sorry," she whispered too low for Lydia to hear. But Dean heard, and his eyes widened slightly.

She knelt down beside him and placed the knife at the middle of his collarbone. Her hand still wouldn't stop shaking. Dean reached up and clasped her wrist as if to steady her, to help her kill him. He looked her in the eye, and there was no anger, no judgement. He just looked sad.

"You're mine," he whispered. "No matter what anyone said... you've always been mine."

Emma felt one hot tear slide down her cheek and splash against the back of her hand. She tasted blood. This whole thing was wrong. How had she gotten here? Why was she doing this?

Lydia knelt down beside Emma and pulled Dean's hand away. "Don't let him get to you," she said. "This is the only way."

Emma really wasn't sure what she thought about that, but finding her knife buried in Lydia's chest probably spoke volumes. As the light went out in her mother's eyes, Emma saw all the anger and betrayal she had expected her father to show. When Lydia slumped to the floor dead, Emma realized that whatever this was, it was far from over. Maybe nothing was ever truly over.

**~oOo~**

Dean looked up at his daughter who just a second ago had a knife to his throat. He hadn't known whether she would go through with it or not. He knew she was desperate for something to make sense. Her instincts told her that was killing him.

But she didn't. She sat there beside him with fear and emptiness in her eyes, but she chose him. She fought destiny. They would soon find out whether she won.

Emma pulled the darts out of Dean's chest, not that it helped much since the poison was already in his blood.

"Get Sam," Dean said.

Emma nodded and got up to go find him. Dean turned his head to see that Sam was lying in a pile of what used to be shelves. He wasn't conscious, but Dean could hear Sam's heart beating strongly. Emma shook him a few times, and when that didn't work, she started slapping his face. Not that hard, but Sam woke with a start, and looked like he was about to throttle Emma until he saw Lydia's body on the floor.

"Wha—?" Sam looked around confused.

"We have to get out of here," Emma said, leaving Sam to return to Dean.

"Was this your plan all along?" Sam asked.

"I didn't have much of a plan." Emma helped Dean sit up and pulled her knife out of Lydia's chest.

"Here." Dean held out his hand.

Emma handed him the knife and he wiped it off on his jeans and handed it back to her. She might have smiled faintly as she tucked it away inside her jacket.

Sam came around to Dean's other side, and he and Emma helped Dean stand up. "We've got blood in the car," Sam said.

"That sounds a lot worse than it probably should," Emma replied as they headed back the way Sam and Dean had come.

"Huh. You know, this is the second time he's nearly died in two days."

"I didn't nearly die yesterday," Dean argued in a slurred voice.

"That whole dehydration thing?"

"I was fine."

"Like you're fine right now?" Emma asked.

"We should be more worried about Cas and Benny," Dean said. "They're somewhere around here."

Emma didn't say anything, but Dean could feel her body tense against his side.

"How many are there?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied hesitantly. "More than I saw. They've got traps all over the place."

"But Cas can get Benny out if he gets hit," Sam said.

"They've got holy oil too," Emma said dismally.

"We have to find them," Dean tried to pull away from Sam and Emma, but right now, they were stronger than he was.

"You said to meet back at the car," Sam reasoned. "If they're not there, you can get a drink and then we'll come find them."

"You're crazy," Emma said.

Dean wasn't sure which one of them she was talking to.

**~oOo~**

"How long's that stuff gonna burn?" Benny asked. He'd managed to pull the darts out of his chest, but his body was still collapsed against the wall under the increasingly ugly painting.

"A couple of hours," Cas replied offhandedly.

"Looks like this is on me, then." Benny groaned as he tried to move. "Or not. How much ammo do you have?"

Cas checked the magazine. "Four rounds," he said.

Benny had to laugh weakly. "You didn't bring any extra?"

"I wasn't expecting to need it at my present strength."

Benny inched his hand over to pull out the gun in his belt. "I've got two spares in my back pocket, but I can't reach them," he said, releasing the magazine. "But I might be able to toss you this one."

"I don't think they care much about us," Cas said, preparing to catch the extra ammunition.

"No, but they'll come to kill us eventually. And if they want us out of the way, it means they got something planned for Dean."

Cas nodded, and Benny carefully tossed the magazine to him. It fell a bit short, and Cas' hand got singed by the fire, but he caught it.

"Sorry," Benny muttered.

"It's fine," Cas said, but his voice was taut like he was in more pain than he wanted to let on.

"Oh, sure, one of the few substances in this world or any other that can kill you, but you're fine."

"Does dead man's blood not affect your energy for sarcasm?"

"I see holy fire doesn't affect yours." Benny smirked.

"I'm afraid we're just going to have to wait this out." Cas expression changed suddenly, like he was listening for something.

"Someone coming?" Benny asked.

Cas waved his hand to silence Benny as he watched the doorway the now dead Amazon had come through. Then Benny started hearing it. Someone was coming up the stairs. The footsteps sounded too heavy and familiar to be the enemy. But there was another sound, further down the hallway, and up. Someone else was coming.

"Cas—" Benny started, but what happened next drowned out anything else he had been planning to say.

Dean, Sam, and Emma appeared in the doorway across the hall, and Cas almost shot them, but didn't. Their attention was soon captured by the influx of Amazons from upstairs. They must have been waiting up there, but Benny couldn't figure why.

Sam and Dean immediately started shooting into the group of seven or eight Amazons. Cas added cover fire to keep Dean from getting hit by their dart guns.

Emma ducked around Cas and came straight at Benny, sliding down to her knees on the floor. "How do I put out those flames?" she shouted over the noise.

Benny looked up. "I was gonna use that," he said.

Emma saw the painting and stood to grab it off the wall. As she did, another Amazon came up behind her and wrapped her arm around Emma's throat. Emma struggled, but this one must have been stronger. Benny tried to get up to help her, but he only managed to get to his knees before falling back against the wall. The Amazon dragged her knife across Emma's throat, reminding Benny of the time he'd almost cut open the girl's jugular himself.

The woman suddenly jerked and fell back, revealing Cas standing behind her with his gun aimed at the spot she had been standing. Emma started to turn around before falling to her knees. There was blood staining the left side of her jacket. One of the bullet's must have gone through.

"Hey!" Benny leaned forward and grabbed her shoulder. He was as much leaning on her as he was holding her up. "You gotta put out the fire. Cas can save you."

Emma looked into his eyes with the deadest expression he'd ever seen. But she reached out to steady herself on the wall. She kept her left arm pressed into her side as she grabbed the frame with her right hand and flung the painting off the wall and over the flames. As she let go, she dropped back down to the floor next to Benny. Her blood smelled better than he remembered. She leaned her head against his shoulder and her eyes closed.

"No." Benny used his free hand—the one she wasn't nearly sitting on—and shook her shoulder.

Cas had reached them by that point and crouched down with a look of concern creasing his brow.

"Take care of her." Benny nodded at Emma. "I just need blood, not medical attention."

Cas touched Emma's forehead, frowned slightly, and then retracted his hand. She opened her eyes and sat up straight immediately. She pulled back her jacket and looked down at her side. There was a bloody hole in her shirt, but no wound.

Without a word, Emma put her arm behind Benny and stood up, pulling him with her easily.

"Not gonna throw me this time, are you?" he asked.

"Only if you're really annoying," Emma replied drily.

Benny hadn't noticed when the shooting had stopped, but they were now standing in a hallway full of bodies. Sam had a large bruise on his head, which in Benny's opinion was a bit of an improvement. Dean looked strangely calm.

"You guys get lost?" he said.

"Our progress was significantly impeded," Cas replied.

"And you sure took your time with the rescue," Benny added.

"Can we go now?" Emma asked, sounding exactly like a bored teenager.

* * *

**Going out of town for the weekend, so I probably won't be responding to reviews until Monday. I can't wait for you guys to see what's coming next. Exciting things are happening.**


	47. Army of Ghosts

**Chapter Forty-Six "Army of Ghosts"**

Kevin returned to the library the morning after Dean left. He was calm again. Or as calm as he could be. It started to feel like his life-after-death was happening to someone else, that the old Kevin wasn't really there anymore. He blamed it on the disembodied Obi-Wan voice that told him to bury his feelings and get the job done no matter what. It helped him to forget.

Charlie was wearing Kevin's ring on a chain around her neck. It slid across her chest as she got up from the table to write something on her whiteboard, which was now covered with notes in different colors and some kind of shorthand.

"Oh," she said when she saw Kevin standing in the doorway. "You're back."

"Not like I could leave," Kevin tried his best to make it sound like a joke, and Charlie seemed to buy it.

"I think I'm starting to make sense of all this." Charlie waved toward the whiteboard. "There's a generational hierarchy, which should mean that Dean is just a really strong vampire, but I think his angel and demon bits created some kind of catalyst for..."

"Whatever he is now," Kevin filled in.

"Right."

"So, what do you need me to do?"

Charlie gestured across the room to where Meg was sitting with her feet up on the table. She dropped a bloody hand on top of a brown canvas bag.

"Brought you back a present," Meg said.

Upon closer inspection, Kevin saw that Meg's face was also covered in cuts and bruises. "What happened to you?" he asked.

"You really think finding one of these babies is easy?" She tossed the bag to Kevin.

He could feel the power emanating from within, even before his hands touched stone. It was the vampire tablet.

"How did you find it?" Kevin asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the object.

"You know, the old fashioned way."

Kevin looked at Meg in confusion.

She shrugged. "I killed a bunch of monsters until I got what I wanted."

"Looks like they tried to kill you back."

"That's what monsters do."

"I should get to work on this." Kevin held up the tablet.

"That's the idea," Meg said, dropping her feet to the floor and standing up. "I'm gonna go try out that legendary water pressure this place has."

"Demons take showers?" Charlie asked.

Meg snorted. "And we poop too, just like everyone else."

**~oOo~**

The lights of the city glared through the windows, but the sky was dark as Dean drove back to the motel. Emma sat next to him, a tight fit with Sam on the other side. No one really said anything during the trip. Benny was busy replenishing, and Cas was muttering something in Enochian which Sam informed the others was a healing spell for his burned hand.

Emma shivered, and Dean turned off the fan. It rattled from the LEGOs anyway.

He wanted to ask her if she was okay, but he would wait until they were alone. They couldn't talk like this. No one seemed to want to say anything at all.

When they finally pulled into the motel parking lot and got out of the car, Cas was the first to speak.

"I can go back to Kansas and check on everyone. Unless you need me here," he said.

The comment was directed at Dean, but he didn't want to answer. He knew it made sense, but suddenly, he didn't want his friend to leave. There had been something so right about how they had all worked together for the last day, and Dean didn't want it to be over.

"Dean?" Benny said, standing next to Dean beside the car.

"Yeah," Dean said. "Go."

There was a ruffling of feathers that sounded so much louder to Dean than it used to, and then Cas was gone.

As if in some unspoken agreement, Sam and Benny both disappeared into one of the rooms, leaving Dean and Emma alone. In the light of the streetlamps, Dean finally got a good look at Emma since leaving the Amazon house. She seemed smaller than she was before. Her skin had turned pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes. The scent she was giving off wasn't nearly as strong as before.

"What now?" she asked in a small voice. She was afraid.

"I think you should get some sleep," Dean said.

Emma didn't say anything but followed Dean inside. He didn't bother turning the lights on as he cleared his stuff off the bed furthest from the door to make room for Emma.

"My clothes have blood on them," Emma said flatly.

Dean opened his bag and dug around for his only clean t-shirt. "Here," he said, handing it to her.

Emma looked at it like she wasn't sure if she should take it.

"I'll go out and get something for tomorrow," Dean said. "And you can sleep in peace."

Emma took the shirt, and just kept staring at Dean with this utterly confused look. He figured they could work it out later when she wasn't so tired. He turned to leave when Emma stopped him.

"Wait," she said, digging in her pocket. "Take this."

She handed him a few crumpled dollar bills and change.

"What's this?" Dean asked.

"What's left of what you gave me. I spent the rest, but..."

"You can keep it, you know?"

"I—I just thought..."

"Keep it." Dean handed the money back to her. "In case you need something. Or, hell, in case you _want _something. I'm pretty sure this is something parents do."

Emma kept staring at him, wide-eyed, but didn't say anything more. Dean's gaze lingered on her for a second, just to be sure she was okay. After an awkward moment of that, Dean turned and left the room.

This hadn't exactly been his plan. He wanted to talk with Emma, but he would have to wait until she less like a zombie. The proverbial kind, not the actual kind.

**~oOo~**

Sam wasn't quite asleep when he heard the sound of a door closing and someone walking outside. It took a moment for his brain to catch up, but his first thought was that Emma was leaving again. He hated that his mind went there, but he got out of bed anyway and pulled on his shoes. As soon as he got outside, he realized his mistake.

Dean was just getting into the Impala when he looked up to see Sam approaching.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked, trying not to sound accusing.

Dean looked at him like he didn't understand the question. "Emma needs clothes," he said.

Sam wasn't sure what he had expected. Something less... normal. "In the middle of the night?" he asked.

Dean shrugged. "I'm up."

"You don't know what to do with her, do you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, it's different now, isn't it?"

"I don't know. You wanna come with me, or..."

Fully aware of the awkwardness of this conversation, Sam decided to go anyway. It wasn't like they hadn't done things like this before. When all your clothes get covered in blood and/or monster guts, sometimes you gotta make use of those stolen credit cards.

"So how is she?" Sam asked, trying to get Dean to talk about Emma in a less uncomfortable way.

"Probably gonna take some getting used to," Dean replied. "Right now she's just tired."

"You know for a second before I came outside I thought it was her." Sam stared out the window not looking at Dean. "I thought she was leaving again. And I don't know why, but I had to stop her. I guess I didn't want you to lose her again after you worked so hard to get her back."

Dean cleared his throat. "I don't think she's going anywhere. Which is a whole new set of problems."

"It's not like you don't have experience."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sam turned to face Dean, realizing how that must have sounded. "Not problems part. I just mean there was the whole raising me thing you did."

"That's different." Dean's voice was hollow.

"How?" Sam asked.

"I'm not—I wasn't... Dad."

"To a little kid it doesn't make much difference. You were the one who was always there taking care of me. You were the one I wanted to be like."

"Emma's not a little kid. It's different."

"Yeah, but you already know what to do."

"Or what not to do."

"It wasn't all bad. I know Dad screwed us up big time—"

"Emma is far more screwed up than we were at her age."

"But she still did the right thing in the end. Where do you think she got that?"

Dean shook his head. "I never made her do anything."

"No, but you allowed her to. If you hadn't been—well, you—she would have just killed you like all the others."

"Maybe." Dean sighed. "I don't know what this means. If it makes a difference that she killed Lydia. Or if she's still gonna be dealing with what she is her whole life."

"You know what that's like too."

"Guess it all works out."

"Yeah." Sam let out a humorless laugh. "I'm just not sure what _I'm_ supposed to do."

"What? You mean being Uncle Sam?" Dean chuckled at that.

"Shut up," Sam said.

"I don't think you have to worry."

"You mean she doesn't still hate me for killing her that one time?"

"It was a definite setback, but you can recover."

"How?"

Dean shook his head. "You gotta start trusting her."

"You realize that's only easy for you?"

"I was never easy for me," Dean said, turning his head and catching Sam's gaze before looking back at the road. "I just knew I had to. I had to believe in her like we always believed in each other. Because she's family."

"Guess that's the part I had trouble with," Sam said. "I never really saw her as family like you did."

"And now?"

"Now? Now things are different. Something changed back there. I didn't see it happen, but I saw the look in her eyes."

"I don't think you need to worry," Dean said as he pulled into a parking lot. "We got bigger problems."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Do you have any idea what she likes to wear?"

**~oOo~**

It was late at night when Castiel returned to the bunker. He still hadn't gotten used to the sensation of spreading his wings again. It came so naturally, but at the same time made him feel like a new being. Perhaps he was less human now than before. He didn't think it made much of a difference to anyone else.

Charlie and Kevin were hard at work once again. The sight was becoming so familiar that Castiel almost forgot about Kevin's troubles. Seeing the young prophet reading the vampire tablet with wide eyes and shaking hands was a reminder of a previous time. One where Kevin was actually alive and had a chance at some kind of future.

Castiel did not wish to interrupt the study session, so he turned and left the library. In the war room, he found Meg and Lenore sitting at the map table, drinking. Not the same thing, but Castiel had become as accustomed to glasses of blood as beer bottles.

"How was California?" Lenore asked.

"You wouldn't like it," Castiel replied, noting an angry bruise on her cheek. "Benny complained a lot."

Lenore only smiled.

Meg turned to face Castiel. She too was injured.

"Are you all right?" he asked, knowing how much she hated it when he worried about her.

She smirked and raised her bottle as if in salute. "All for the cause," she said before taking another drink.

"I should have been with you."

"The people I had to deal with to get that freaking hunk of rock would have just killed us all on sight if you had."

It was difficult to argue with that, but Castiel still wanted to.

"Anyway, you probably had more fun than we did," Meg said.

"I'm not sure if I would call getting trapped in a ring of holy fire and ambushed by Amazons fun."

A brief look of concern flashed in Meg's eyes, and then it was gone. "But you got her back?"

"Yes." Castiel sat down in one of the empty chairs next to Meg. "They'll be on their way home soon."

It was faint, but Castiel thought he heard a sigh of relief from across the table. He should have started with that, knowing how much Lenore would worry about Benny.

Meg seemed happy at that news, though Castiel had never really understood her attachment to Emma. He didn't understand Emma in general, though.

The three of them sat in companionable silence for a while, and Castiel let his mind rest, listening to the sounds of the bunker's sleeping occupants, mentally tracing the outline of Meg's soul beneath her human face. It wasn't sudden, but nor was it expected when he felt something new, something foreign. A presence nearby, inside the bunker. No one he knew. It felt like the remnants of one long dead, a memory that he felt he should know, but couldn't place. As soon as it came, the feeling was gone, and all that remained were the souls that should be there.

~oOo~

Dean crept back into the hotel room as quietly as he could, leaving all the lights off. He could see fine in the dark. He set the shopping bags he carried on the table near the window and kicked off his shoes.

Across the room, he could hear Emma's steady heartbeat and smell her clean, damp hair. She didn't stir as he got into the other bed, which was a surprising bit of luck. She had always been a light sleeper.

It took Dean a long time to fall asleep because he couldn't help thinking about the dreams he always had. Lately, he hadn't been waking violently, but after a day like today, there was no telling. He wanted to let Emma sleep as long as possible, even if it meant only an hour or two for him.

When he finally did drift off, he never reached the dream stage. He was awakened by a high pitched noise and instantly reached for a weapon. It wasn't until he was fully awake that he realized this was the first time he had heard Emma scream.

Dean quickly got out of bed and moved soundlessly across the room. Emma was sitting up, wide-eyed in the darkness. Her breathing came in ragged gasps, as if she had been held under water for a long time.

Dean sat on the edge of her bed, and put his hand on her arm. "It's okay," he said softly, remembering how many times he had done this for Sam when they were kids.

Emma looked at him, but she couldn't have been seeing much. Dean reached for the lamp beside her bed and flicked it on. In the light, her face looked paler than normal, and her red-rimmed eyes weren't a result of any supernatural power. She was shaking slightly, but Dean could tell she was trying to hide it. She wouldn't stop staring at him like he was the thing she was afraid of.

"You're not going to kill me?" she asked hoarsely.

For a moment, Dean could only stare back at her. He couldn't process what he was hearing. She couldn't really think that.

"'Course not," he finally said. "It was just a nightmare. Believe me; I know."

Emma shook her head. "Do you have nightmares where you get killed?"

"No," Dean said. "In mine, I do the killing."

"Then we're both afraid of the same thing."

"It's never you," Dean said. "Other people, people I care about, but not you."

"Because I don't matter that much."

"No." Dean grabbed her other hand. "Because I can't. I thought I could once, but I can't."

Emma sniffed and looked down. "What you said—back at that house—did you mean it?"

Dean nodded. "Always have."

"Why didn't you ever..."

"'Cause I didn't think you wanted me to. Didn't think you'd care."

Emma looked at Dean again. "So what happens now?"

"Now? We go back home and figure out how to fight a bigger monster. Same as before."

Dean saw a mix of fear and sadness in Emma's brown eyes. "And then you leave again?"

"I..." Dean hadn't talked about this with Emma. He knew it was a touchy subject in general, and he tried not to think about it too much. Everyone knew his plan, but no one liked it. Aside from Sam, Emma was the first person to be visibly upset about it. "I don't know," Dean finally said. "I always thought I would, but anymore..."

"Don't say that. Not if you don't mean it. You've never lied to me."

"I kinda did once," Dean admitted.

"What do you mean."

"When I said my dad was an asshole. Well, it was true, but it wasn't the whole truth."

Emma pulled away from Dean and crossed her arms. "That's not really the point."

"No, it's just something I've been realizing. The point is that... I can change my mind sometimes. It happens."

"Is that your way of not answering the question?"

"I'm not sure I know the answer yet. I mean, I don't want to leave everyone behind, but I don't want to be in this world if I'm..."

"A monster? Like me?"

"I can't change what I am."

"Are you sure? 'Cause everyone but you always thought I had to be evil. Everyone thought I'd turn on you, and maybe I kind of did, but I didn't kill you. I stopped. I... became something else. I think I'm still a monster, but... I'm also a person."

"Is that what makes us different?"

Emma shrugged. "I killed someone. Sure, she was evil, but I killed her. It's different here than in Purgatory. It means something. I'm not... clean anymore."

"I haven't been clean since I was four years old."

"Well, technically I'm about four, too, so it evens out. But what makes you different now than then?"

Dean thought about that for a moment. "Power," he said. "When I was just human, there was only so much damage I could do. Now... if I get out of hand, that's it."

"But you said it was just nightmares," Emma reminded him. "If that's all they are, they can't really hurt us. We don't have to be afraid."

Dean looked into her eyes and saw that she meant what she said. She knew what she was talking about. "I don't think I've ever not been afraid," he said.

"You can't be now," Emma said. "You're leading an army of humans and monsters against the thing that made you strong enough to even consider trying. I think the time for fear is over."

"You saying you're not afraid of anything?"

Emma pulled her knees up into her chest. "I'm terrified of dying, of going back to that place. That's what's going to keep me alive. But you're afraid of living, and that's what's going to kill you."

* * *

**A little late finishing this one, so it's not as perfect as it could be. Some action coming in the next chapter which will lead us into the final act of the story. All this has been leading up to something, I promise.  
**


	48. Night Will Fall

**Chapter Forty-Seven "Night Will Fall"**

Dean woke to the sound of someone pounding on the door. There was a kink in his neck from falling asleep half sitting up as he watched Emma through the night. She was already up and heading for the door with one of Dean's guns in her hand.

"Put that down," he grumbled as he climbed off the bed. "It's just Sam."

Emma looked very much like she would rather keep the gun, but she set it down on the dresser as Dean went toward the door.

"You guy's ready to go?" Sam asked when the door opened. He didn't wait for a response once he saw Dean. "Have you been wearing the same clothes for three days?"

Dean looked down at the tiny blood spots on his shirt, and thought maybe the funny smell wasn't entirely Sam.

"I ran out," he said flatly.

Sam did that exasperated noisy exhale thing he always did. "Why didn't you think of that last night?"

"I was thinking about something else."

"Fine. I might have something."

"I can't wear your clothes."

"They might be a little big—"

"Giant clothes," Dean muttered.

"What's that?"

"Nothing. It's just a little blood."

"I'm not riding all the way back to Kansas with you smelling like that."

"Here," Emma interrupted, handing Dean his t-shirt. "I didn't get it dirty."

"I'll find you some pants," Sam said, turning to head back down the sidewalk before calling over his shoulder, "And take a shower!"

Dean closed the door, and turned to see Emma standing there looking confused.

"What was that?" she asked.

"What?" Dean shrugged as he headed toward the bathroom.

"You two. Is that normal?"

"Is what normal?"

"The... silliness."

Dean scoffed. "Silly? You think _that's _silly?"

Emma raised her eyebrows. "Yes."

"There aren't words to express how not silly that was. You ain't seen nothing."

"Is it... normal male behavior?"

"No, it's normal family behavior."

"Oh." Emma looked down at her hands. "I don't know much about that."

"Hey." Dean nudged her arm. "We'll teach you. It comes easy."

"I might not be any good at it."

Dean smiled as he closed the bathroom door. "Trust me—you will."

Sam was back by the time Dean got out of the shower. His jeans were much too long, and there was some talk about rolling up the cuffs—which for reasons unclear to himself, Dean was not okay with. In the end, he just sort of scrunched them up around his ankles so they wouldn't trip him.

As they got ready to leave, Dean finally thought to ask, "Where's Benny?"

They were halfway out the door, and Sam gestured toward the sunrise which was now bathing the parking lot in its death rays. "Hiding," Sam said. "He wouldn't come out until we were ready to go."

They reached the car, and Dean tossed the last of the bags in the trunk. He could feel that familiar presence at the edge of his consciousness. He didn't really have to think about it.

A few seconds later, Benny appeared in the doorway of the second room. "Stop doing that," he grumbled as he hurried from the safety of the hotel to the car.

"I thought everyone was in a hurry," Dean argued, heading for the driver's side.

"We should go," Sam said as he opened the passenger door.

Emma slid into the backseat behind Sam. "Do the humans get to eat?" she asked. "I mean, the non-vampires," she added quickly.

Dean ignored the slip as he started the car. "We'll find something on the way," he said.

"Just nothing made entirely out of grease," Sam said.

Dean shrugged. "You're the one who eats."

**~oOo~**

Kevin was having trouble focusing. It was as if he could feel his enigmatic friend hovering over his shoulder ever moment. All the things he would have done as a human to regain focus weren't options anymore. He couldn't have a cup of coffee or get some fresh air. He wasn't alive enough to feel them.

But it wasn't as if he could tell the guy to get lost either. Charlie would start wondering who he was talking to and fiddle with his ring some more. He didn't want to worry anyone. He knew what they all had to be thinking.

So, Kevin tried to keep his thoughts on the vampire tablet. It was just like the others: old and smelly and full of confusing grammar and sentence structure. Metatron really knew how to keep himself from being understood.

Most of what Kevin had managed to decipher so far was what they already knew. Sunlight and dead man's blood. Beheading and fire. It had taken months to get through the trials on the demon tablet. They didn't have months.

Kevin sighed and moved on to another section when he didn't find anything new. This wouldn't be like last time because he didn't need food or sleep, but it took away from the time he usually focused on practicing his control. He might end up losing his sanity either way.

As he started into a new passage, Kevin thought maybe he was getting somewhere. There were mentions of the Alpha and something to do with heredity. It was difficult to make out; it would have to be translated.

Ghost Obi-wan loomed closer, and Kevin really wished he could tell him to back off. Across the room, Charlie was humming to herself as she put away books she didn't need anymore.

"Have you found anything?"

Kevin jolted in his chair and looked up to see Cas standing across the table.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Cas looked confused. "Asking you a question," he said.

"Yeah, I meant the sneaking up on me part."

"I didn't know it was possible to sneak up on a ghost."

"Not easy, but obviously, you just did."

Cas might have smirked—but no, that _would _be impossible. "Are you going to answer the question?"

Kevin exhaled sharply. "If I had found anything, you would have known by the high-pitched shouting of 'eureka'."

"You're being sarcastic."

"Yeah, you should know, since you've apparently grown a sense of humor."

"Then I'll leave you to work. Though, I did wonder, have you noticed anything strange lately?"

"What kind of strange?"

"I'm not sure. Unusual energy. You would be more in tune with it, being non-living."

Kevin shrugged. "Probably just me."

Cas frowned. "It seems to be more than that."

"When did you notice it?" Kevin asked cautiously.

"When I came back from California."

"Well, you may have noticed some big changes in my non-life lately. I'm trying to keep it all under control."

"Of course." Cas nodded. "I'm sorry about your mother."

Cas disappeared, and Kevin didn't know how much longer he could keep lying. His friend was starting to get sloppy if Cas was noticing. Or maybe Cas was getting stronger with his grace back and picking up on more things. Either way, it could pose a problem for them. Though for the life or death of him, Kevin wasn't sure how.

**~oOo~**

Somewhere in Colorado, Dean stopped for gas. They had been on the road all day, and it was finally dark again, which meant that Benny was on high alert. While Sam and Emma went into the convenience store for snacks, Benny came over to stand beside the gas pump next to Dean.

"Do you smell that?" he asked.

Dean nodded. "Miles back," he replied. "It's not like the others."

"Seems familiar."

"Like the Alpha?"

"Could be. Or one of his inner circle."

"Think the four of us can take him?"

"A week ago, you wouldn't have asked me that."

"A week ago, I was high on angel juice."

Benny nodded. "The one I met last time got control of me for a second. I snapped out of it when he almost killed Jody. I doubt if he'd faze you."

Dean watched as Sam and Emma came back from the store. For a second, they looked so normal. "If they're up for it, I say we go," he said.

The tone of his voice made it sound like Benny wanted to laugh. "Since when is this a democracy?"

Dean turned to face him. "It's not. I'm just feeling generous."

The gas pump clicked off, and Dean unhooked it and replaced the gas cap. By that time, Sam and Emma had reached the car.

"You want me to drive for a while?" Sam asked.

"Depends," Dean replied. "How do you guys feel about a little detour?"

"Detour?" Sam's eyebrows scrunched. "I thought we wanted to get home."

"Yeah, we just caught a whiff of something. Might be one of the Alpha's minions. If you're up for it, I think we should check it out."

"Up for it?" Sam asked. "Since when do you even have to ask?"

"I don't know, yesterday was kind of—"

"We should go," Emma interrupted. "I don't know if I can stand five more hours in the car with nothing to do."

"What are we up against?" Sam asked as he got into the car.

Dean got behind the wheel and started the car. "Smells like two or three," he said. "On the other side of town."

"I think whatever this mental connection is, it's getting stronger," Benny said from the backseat. "I shouldn't be able to smell something that far away."

"No, this guy's just that strong," Dean said as he pulled out onto the street and followed the scent.

"Oh good," Emma deadpanned. "A super vampire."

"Aren't _you _a super vampire?" Sam asked, looking across the car at Dean.

"Don't call me that," Dean said.

"What would you call it?"

"I don't call it anything. I think it's better that way."

"We're getting closer," Benny said.

Dean glared through the windshield. "He's gonna know we're coming."

"Maybe that's what he wants."

"Too late to back out now."

Sam laughed humorlessly. "I didn't think 'back out' was in our vocabulary."

**~oOo~**

Meg was starting to look better after her run in with whatever had been protecting the vampire tablet. Castiel knew he shouldn't worry about her, not only because she didn't like it, but also because she could take care of herself. But he still didn't like to see her hurt.

Castiel still hadn't told her about his strange feeling the night before. His conversation with Kevin only led to more confusion. Whatever Castiel was feeling, it wasn't the chaotic energy of the young prophet. It was too calm, and decidedly _not _Kevin. He must have felt it though. Why would he pretend not to know? None of it made sense.

But it seemed as if Castiel's life were about to be filled with things that didn't make sense. He had left Kevin alone to work, still mulling over his suspicions, when he walked out into the war room and noticed something out of place. Or rather someone.

Castiel's first instinct was to reach for his blade. He hadn't made any deals not to kill Crowley the next time he saw him.

"Let's not be hasty now, Castiel," Crowley said, putting up his hands defensively. "I know mistakes have been made on both sides, but I'm not above putting that behind us."

"I am," Castiel said in a low voice.

"Of course talking to you would be pointless. Where's Dean?"

"Out."

"Do you suppose when he gets a moment, you could tell him I have information he wants?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Crowley. "What kind of information?"

"Oh, you know, the fascinating movements of various vampire nests, as per our deal."

"What deal?"

Crowley laughed. "The one to bring your girlfriend back? Have you forgotten about that?"

"Dean never said..."

"He didn't tell you? Oh, this is interesting. We're all on the same team now. The Allies. Or the Axis, depending on your perspective."

"Why?"

"Because it suits me. Who wouldn't want the potential king of the vampires on their side?"

"Dean isn't—This was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

"My dear Cas, it is a simple fact of the universe that the Winchesters will never go away. It's best to make friends."

"They're not your friends. They'll never be your friends."

Crowley smirked. "We'll see about that. But even you will want to hear what I have to say. Shall I make myself comfortable while I wait?"

**~oOo~**

The small house looked innocuous on the outside. It was the third in a row of similar homes in an average-looking neighborhood. But the smell was overpowering. Dean couldn't understand how the others weren't affected by it. Benny had a nervous look in his eyes, but Sam and Emma seemed blissfully unaware of what they were about to walk into.

They all gathered at the trunk, and Dean passed out the sharpest blades and the dwindling supply of dead man's blood. He had picked up a couple of dart guns from the Amazon house and gave one to Emma and the other to Sam.

"Don't try to fight this one," Dean said. "Just keep your distance and let me handle it."

"We got your back," Benny said. "Let's do this."

They headed straight for the front door with Dean leading the way and Benny bringing up the rear. It was no use being stealthy. Dean could already feel the minds inside aware of his presence. A little more pushing, and he could see that they were being controlled by someone else. It would take more power than Dean had exerted before to neutralize them.

It was with no small measure of satisfaction that Dean kicked down the door. It was dark inside, but he could see just fine. Across the front room, a man was standing next to a cold fireplace. There was nothing particularly notable about his appearance, but the smell that came off him was stronger than any other vampire that Dean had met.

"I've been waiting for you," he said, turning to face Dean. His voice had an echoey quality to it, and his right arm ended just after the elbow.

"Well, I hate to disappoint," Dean replied, holding his machete loosely at his side, ready to fight.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the vampire said. "I didn't actually mean you."

Dean followed his gaze to see Benny standing in the doorway, but there was something wrong with him. His eyes were hazy and unfocused. Without warning he shoved Sam through the glass doors to his right and then grabbed Emma by the throat.

"Benny!" Dean called his name before he realized that wouldn't do any good.

"I've had to work on my control since our last meeting."

Dean turned to face the vampire again and saw that he was holding up his stump of an arm.

"It was you," Dean said.

"You think you're the only first generation? You think you're power is stronger than mine."

"No," Dean shook his head. "But I think his might be."

The vampire laughed. "Please. Last time was just a fluke. I wasn't focused enough. I've gotten better."

"So, what happens when I cut that smartass head off your shoulders? You think you'll have control then?"

"I think you have to make a choice. You can't fight me and save him."

Dean looked back to see that Emma had gotten free of Benny and pinned him to the floor but he was still struggling.

"I got this," she said.

Dean turned back to the vampire and shrugged. "Guess that answers your question," he said, raising up his blade to fight.

"I didn't mean stop him from killing anyone," the vampire said. "I meant save him from _me_."

Dean didn't wait to find out what that meant. He got a running start and shoved his blade into the vampire's heart. It wouldn't kill him, but it would hurt. As he did so, he reached out to Benny in his mind.

"_Don't let him control you,"_ he thought. "_You can fight this."_

The vampire laughed and gurgled blood. Dean yanked the machete free and went for the head, but the vampire blocked with his hand. Blood ran down his hand, and dripped onto Dean's jacket sleeve.

"You think a little pain can weaken me?" he asked. He swung at Dean with his right arm, using it like a club.

Dean stumbled back and adjusted his grip on the machete. "_Snap out of it, Benny!" _he thought.

"He's gone," the vampire said. "He has no will, no consciousness of his own. He is part of the army now."

"I'm not letting you take him," Dean growled.

"You will be too dead to have much of a say."

The vampire bared his teeth and jumped at Dean. At the same time, Dean swung his blade, and the two were locked in a fight to the death.

* * *

**I'm sorry for how late this is, and the lack of editing. I had kind of a bad week for writing. But I am happy about where things are going in this story. Remember next week there will be two chapters in honor of the one year anniversary.**


	49. And Dark Will Rise

**Chapter Forty-Eight "...And Dark Will Rise"**

When Sam came to, there were two strange vampires standing over him, looking down with hungry expressions. Sounds of a struggle came from the other room: grunting and growling and splintering furniture.

"Oh, shit," Emma's exasperated voice came from somewhere near the front door.

Just after she had spoken, the two vampires dropped to the floor with darts in their backs. Pushing himself up on his elbows, Sam could now see Emma still in the entryway, holding a dart gun in one hand, while using the other to hold Benny's arms behind his back, keeping him facedown on the floor.

Upon sitting up fully, Sam felt dizzy, and his head was pounding. He didn't have time for another concussion, but his state was more of the perpetually concussed. Sooner or later that was going to be a bigger problem, but not right now.

As he crawled over toward Emma, ignoring the glass shards that cut his hands, he had to wonder what was going on.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, watching Benny struggle under Emma's grip.

"Super vampire over there is controlling him," Emma said, nodding in the general direction of Dean and the one-armed monster that was trying to kill him.

"Maybe I should help," Sam said, though he wasn't all that clear on how to stand up at the moment.

"I don't think so," Emma replied, still watching Dean.

She didn't have to explain why. Sam got it, even though he wasn't sure why. Dean had to do this on his own.

"Why don't you use that?" Sam pointed at Emma's dart gun.

She looked at the gun and then at Benny. "He'll be miserable enough when he comes out of this," she said. "No need to add to that when I can easily restrain him."

"Right..." It made sense in a strangely human sort of way. It wasn't something Sam would have thought of, and he was surprised that Emma did.

Sam turned his attention back to the fight that had decimated the living room and had to fight the urge to step in. The left side of Dean's face was covered in blood, and he was moving funny. The "Super Vampire" was faster than Dean, even with only one good arm. Of course, no one could take a beating like Dean Winchester and keep fighting, and that was exactly what he was doing.

Dean kept a firm grip on his machete, landing several hits on the other vampire which mostly resulted in a lot of blood and growling. Sam hadn't seen this much of Dean's teeth since he became a vampire. As he started to feel dizzy again, Sam wasn't sure if it were from being knocked out or trying to keep up with the movements of the two combatants.

It looked as if they were evenly matched and the fight would go on forever, but that changed when Dean took a swing at the Super Vamp's good arm. It wasn't clean, and it wouldn't have even done much damage if Dean hadn't always insisted on keeping his blades sharp.

Rather than causing the Super Vamp to collapse in pain like most people would after losing a second arm, it served to make him even more angry. Which was probably what Dean was going for. He had this look of quiet fury in his eyes, and Sam wasn't sure how he saw that from all the way across the room.

The Super Vamp let out a bone chilling howl and sunk his teeth into Dean's exposed neck. Dean didn't make a sound as he struggled to pull the other vampire off. He jabbed his machete into his side and twisted hard. Sam heard bones cracking.

Jerking away with Dean's blade still in his side, the Super Vamp wobbled backward. Dean shook the blood off his hand, never taking his eyes of his target. He didn't use his teeth; he used his hands.

Sam couldn't pinpoint the exact moment the Super Vamp's head left his shoulders. It felt wrong to watch, but Sam couldn't tear his gaze away. Dean stood there, holding the head in his hands, staring at it in grotesque fascination. After a moment, he let it fall and turned toward the door. His teeth had gone back to normal, and he half-limped across the room as the blood started to coagulate on his skin. His eyes seemed dazed and unfocused until Sam realized what he was looking at.

Dean sunk to his knees on the floor next to Benny. Emma had let him go when the Super Vamp's head came off, and he hadn't moved since then.

"Benny?" Dean's voice sounded eerily childlike. He had the look of a frightened animal when Benny didn't respond.

Dean reached over and shook Benny's shoulder, his eyes getting wider as the seconds ticked by. Emma gave Sam a worried look, and he wondered just what had happened while he was unconscious. That seemed to be a common occurrence lately.

"Wake up," Dean said under his breath. When nothing happened, Dean's eyebrows knit and he stared hard at Benny as if that would have some effect.

About the time Dean's nose started bleeding more than it already was, Benny started choking and gasping for air. Dean leaned back on his heels with a sigh of relief. For a long moment, no one said or did anything. It was too soon to be at ease.

Benny's breathing didn't even out, and he couldn't seem to get up off the floor. Dean helped him sit up and leaned him against the wall on the other side of the door. Benny's eyes were wide and he kept pulling at his coat and muttering too low to hear.

"Emma." Dean turned to face her. "Go to the car and get the blood. All of it."

She nodded and hurried out the door into the night.

"Sam." Dean finally acknowledged his brother. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "I'll be fine."

"Good. Can you take care of them." Dean looked beyond Sam into the other room where the two vampires were still moaning from all the dead man's blood Emma shot into their systems.

"Sure," Sam agreed and grabbed his own blade.

It only took a few seconds, but by the time Sam came back into the main room, Emma had returned, and Dean was looking into the small cooler with a dismayed expression.

"He's gonna need more than this," Dean said as he took out the last of the human blood.

"He didn't even get hurt," Sam said, confused.

"Yeah, he did," Dean replied, not looking at Sam as he tried to get Benny to drink from the bag.

"It's only a few hours home," Emma said. "He can make it that far, can't he?"

"I don't know. But we need to hurry."

"And you need to take care of yourself," Sam said.

"I'm fine."

"You're bleeding from... everywhere."

Dean's voice turned harsh. "I've still got my arms and my head, so I'd say I'm better of than Alpha's pet over there."

Sam let out a measured breath. "That's not saying much."

"It's everything." Dean huffed and stopped trying to get Benny to drink. "It's not gonna do any good if he just gives up."

"Here," Emma said, reaching for the blood bag. "I'll take care of him, and you get cleaned up."

Dean shrugged and shakily got to his feet. Sam reached out to help him, but Dean waved him off and staggered down the hallway, presumably in search of running water.

**~oOo~**

Dean barely made it to the bathroom before collapsing to the floor again. Everything hurt. He had at least a few broken ribs and his neck was still bleeding. The last bag of Cas' blood was in his hand, and he questioned whether he should drink it or not. It would heal him easily, but it could also be the only way to save Benny. Of course, Dean knew nobody would like that option—least of all Benny. He was the one who said it was so dangerous to be drinking Cas' blood in the first place.

The thought of calling Cas to help them was very appealing right now. He could bring more blood or fly Benny home where there was plenty more stocked up. But it had been so long since Dean could just call Cas, and he didn't want to rely on him like that again. Maybe he was afraid it wouldn't last, or maybe he just didn't want to ask so much of his friend when he was already sucking the life out of him.

Dean sighed and opened the bag. He was no use like this, and it was best to remove the temptation to save Benny this way. It only took a few seconds for Dean to drain the bag dry. He still felt a little thirsty, but he would be okay. He managed to stand up and walk over to the sink where he washed the blood off his face and hands. He looked at the reflection in the cloudy, cracked mirror, and saw something he had been trying not to all this time. He saw exactly what he was, and he didn't hide from it anymore. He had beat the Alpha's favorite bitch and come out of it mostly intact. And he had seen things in the other vampires mind, flashes of other places, of the Alpha's plans. For the first time, all of this started to feel real, and Dean knew deep down in his soul that he was going to win.

When he returned to the main room a few minutes later, Dean found that Emma was handling Benny better than expected, while Sam stood in front of the doorway he had been thrown through earlier, shuffling anxiously.

"Soon as your ready we should go," Dean said to Emma.

She looked up from Benny with a worried crease in her brow. "What's wrong with him?" she asked.

"His brain's all scrambled," Dean said as stoically as he could. "I think I can bring him back, but we need more blood and a safe place."

"You could call Cas," Sam said.

Dean had been expecting that. "He couldn't take all of us, and I don't want to leave you guys alone."

"Afraid we'll try to kill each other?" Emma asked.

"No, not you."

"It's only a few hours," Sam argued.

"Yeah, and look what we found a few hours from home." Dean gestured at the carnage around them. "No, we're all sticking together. Let's get him in the car and get out of here."

Emma helped Benny up, but she practically had to carry him out the door. Dean came around to his other side so Emma wouldn't have to bear all of his weight, though she probably didn't even notice it.

"You need me to drive?" Sam asked as the approached the car.

"No, I got it," Dean replied.

They got Benny in the backseat, and Emma climbed in after him. As they took off down the road, Dean tried to find his way back into Benny's mind. It was as if there was a block. He had broken through to wake Benny, but it seemed that wasn't a permanent solution.

The radio played familiar songs that Dean could recite in his sleep, and somehow that felt wrong. Those words filtering through his head distracted him from working on Benny's mental wall.

"Can you change that to something older?" he asked Sam.

Sam glanced at the radio. "Older?" he said. "What do you want, Gregorian chanting?"

"No, just... old jazz or something."

"Why?"

Dean glanced toward the backseat, and Sam nodded in understanding. He turned the dial through several fuzzy channels and finally settled on one that sounded like a '50s station.

It was over an hour later when Benny's mutterings started to get louder and slightly less incoherent. The whole time, Dean had been sending every thought or memory he could come up with in Benny's direction, hoping something might stick. It was when Louis Armstrong started singing "La vie en Rose" that Benny actually began to make sense.

"I met him once..." he mumbled. He could have been talking about the muffin man for all Dean knew. But Benny actually continued his thought. "In New Orleans... he liked my food."

"Louis Armstrong was a vampire?" Sam asked, shooting a puzzled glance back at Benny.

"I think he's talking about before," Dean said quietly.

"Before?"

"When he was human."

At that point, Benny started singing along with the radio, so Dean turned it up, thinking maybe it was helping.

"Guess he likes this song," Emma said. "But he's not singing the right words."

It was then Dean realized why some of Benny's earlier mutterings sounded less muddled than others. He was speaking—and now singing—in French.

Dean almost laughed. "Well, that's new."

"What exactly did that guy do to him?" Sam asked.

"Nothing good," Dean replied.

"That's specific."

"Do I look like a vampire brain scientist?" Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter.

"Okay, I just thought maybe it was something similar to how you can get into their heads."

"Same principle, but he was way more advanced. He couldn't get into my head, but he turned Benny's brain to pudding."

"Why? What good does it do him?"

Dean sighed. "I can think of a few reasons. Benny cut off the guy's arm a while back. But I think it was more to distract me. You know, use my own friends against me."

"So, he thought if he hurt Benny you'd, what, surrender?" Sam scoffed.

"I think the Alpha wants me to know he can get to me, you know, that I've got a weak spot. And he's got an army."

"So, where does that leave us?"

"We've got our own army." Dean stared out into the darkness beyond the road. "And it's time to fight."

* * *

**Don't forget: special anniversary chapter tomorrow. It just my way of saying thanks to everyone who has kept reading this story so long. I know I tend to go off on the plot version of rabbit trails sometimes, but it's all leading to something, and we're almost there. Please let me know what you think of the story so far, even if it's how I could have done something better. I can always use that in the future.**


	50. Count the Cost

**Chapter Forty-Nine "Count the Cost"**

Everything was wrong. Castiel had been feeling it for the past few hours, and it was more than Crowley's irritating presence or the strange feeling that had been floating around. No, something was wrong with Dean. After they had shared a consciousness for that brief period, Castiel could sense more of Dean than he had always been able to. When Dean was happy, like he had been after they saved Emma, Castiel could feel it. And when Dean was sad or scared or hurt, Castiel could feel that too. In the past few hours, it had been all of the above.

Castiel turned his phone over in his hands. He had been thinking about calling ever since he started to feel that first spike of adrenaline. But if Dean needed help, he only had to call. He must have been handling whatever it was on his own. Castiel still sat at the kitchen table staring at his phone.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Meg entered the room with an exasperated sigh.

"If you're gonna call him, just do it. Otherwise, stop worrying," she said.

"He might be in trouble," Castiel replied, "but I don't know why he wouldn't call me if he were."

"Maybe he doesn't need you this time." Meg sat down across from Castiel. "That's not a bad thing."

"No, but I can tell something is wrong. Very wrong."

"But you don't want to swoop in and save the day because?"

"If he wanted my help, he would call."

Meg nodded in realization. "Oh, so it's not about whether he needs you or not. You just want him to want you there."

"No, I—Why wouldn't he want me there?"

"Maybe he doesn't want to bother you."

"He always bothers me. Why should that change?"

"I can think of a few reasons: guilt, awkwardness, me..."

"You?"

"He's not my biggest fan, but he brought me back because of you. Maybe he's giving us space."

"I don't think Dean does that."

"Okay, but does he actually make sense to you? I mean, you know him better than anybody—can you say he always has a logical reason for what he does?"

Castiel shook his head. "Dean is rarely logical, but he does have reasons for his decisions. Though sometimes he doesn't even understand them."

"Then why should you? Maybe he's just being a tough guy like usual."

Castiel reached across the table and brushed his fingers across the back of Meg's hand. "I've always tried to protect him," he said.

Meg smirked. "You'd think nearly dying for him multiple times would be enough."

"Enough..." Castiel turned the word over in his mind. "I don't think there is any such thing. No matter how many times you bleed for family... you're always going to do it again."

"Then I guess you can understand."

"What?"

"How I feel."

Castiel stared at Meg as he realized what she was saying. He held her hand tighter and looked her in the eye. "Thank you," he said earnestly. "But I'm never going to let that happen again."

"What are we going to do with our guest then?"

Castiel shrugged. "We could kill him. Dean wouldn't have to know."

Meg smiled. "I do love it when you plot murder."

**~oOo~**

All customary precision was ignored as Dean pulled into the garage, tires screeching to a halt.

"I _offered _to drive," Sam said irritably as they got out of the car.

"Shut up," Dean replied, mostly meaning it.

Dean immediately went to the back seat to get Benny out. He was still sort of muttering but only half conscious. Emma came out after him.

"I think he's getting worse," she said.

"Let's get him inside," Dean said.

Dean didn't really pay attention to the fact that Sam lagged behind, collecting their bags and closing up the car. Dean was too focused on trying to break through whatever barrier was keeping him out of Benny's mind. A persistent burning pain had settled in behind his eyes, and he tried to pretend it wasn't there. He didn't have time to be tired.

When they reached Benny's room, Lenore was sitting on the bed reading. She jumped up when they came in and dropped her book on the floor. Her gaze immediately passed over Dean's bloodstained clothing to Benny's condition.

"What happened?" she asked, rushing over. "What's wrong with him?"

"Let's lay him down first," Emma suggested.

Lenore nodded and quickly adjusted the pillows for Benny. Dean and Emma laid Benny on the bed. It almost looked as if he were sleeping.

"He's not injured," Lenore said, perplexed.

Dean let out a sigh and rubbed his tired eyes. "We ran into the first generation whose arm he cut off a while back. Apparently his freaky mind control powers were better than mine."

"Were?"

"Well, I'm still better at killing vampires."

Lenore crossed her arms nervously. "That still doesn't explain what's wrong with Benny."

"The guy got in his head and screwed with something. I've been working on it."

"And?"

"So far, Louis Armstrong is better at it than I am."

Lenore was quiet for a moment. "What song?"

"Does it matter?"

"A lot."

"Something French about a rose."

"La vie en Rose."

"He really likes that song?"

"_I_ really like that song."

Dean actually started to feel hopeful after hearing that. "Then he's still in there somewhere.I just gotta figure out how to get to him."

Lenore gave Dean a long, critical look. "When is the last time you slept?"

"I don't have time for—"

"You can't afford not to, Dean. This is a mental thing, not something you can just power through but hitting it enough times."

There was no way to argue. Lenore was usually right anyway, and Dean didn't have the energy to come up with excuses. But that didn't mean he couldn't get other working on a solution.

"Okay," he said. "You keep an eye on him then. Emma?" Dean looked over at his daughter.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"See if anyone's made progress on that vampire tablet. And maybe send Cas over here if you see him. He might be able to pick up some vibes or use his healing power to help. It's worth a try."

Emma nodded and left the room without a word.

"And you get some sleep," Lenore said as she picked up her book and sat down beside Benny. "I won't take my eyes off him."

**~oOo~**

Sam had finished cleaning the weapons and was about to start on the laundry when he remembered that Dean was still wearing his jeans which were now soaked in blood. It felt strangely like a flashback to his childhood—and he didn't feel too bad about that.

As he left the laundry room to find Dean, Sam realized how tired he was. It was after midnight, and he had been up since just after dawn following a rather short night. There wasn't much he could do about Benny or the end of the world, so he decided to finish the laundry and go to bed.

When Sam got to Dean's room, he was surprised to find his brother sleeping. He almost sneaked back out of the room when he noticed Dean's dirty clothes tossed over the chair near the door. Sam grabbed them and backed out of the room. Dean stirred slightly but didn't wake. Sam considered that an achievement.

Back in the hallway, Sam felt a sudden chill. His first thought was Kevin, but the prophet was nowhere to be seen. He figured he was just tired and headed off to the laundry room. But as he navigated the ancient washing machine, he couldn't shake the feeling. Maybe Kevin was lurking again, but even knowing that didn't make Sam feel any better. By the time he had gotten the laundry going and returned to his room, the chill was gone. Sam managed to stay on his feet long enough to change his clothes before falling into bed and a fitful sleep.

He dreamed he was being eaten alive by vampires, but they never consumed him; his blood never ran out. This went on for a while until Sam was actually bored of it. The monotonous horror ended when a cool touch pulled Sam out of the midst of the vampires. He flew up into the sky, and black clouds gathered around him. Howling winds and thunder filled his ears. Someone held his hand, and Sam turned to see his mother beside him as the hurricane raged around them. She smiled sadly and trailed her icy fingers along the side of his face.

"You can never die," she said. "They aren't strong enough to hurt you."

"What do you mean?"

She looked worried. "Keep your eyes open, Sam. It's never over. They never stop biting."

"I know. I don't feel it anymore."

Mary touched Sam's shoulder, and where her hand rested began to glow with an orange light.

"Don't be afraid to use it," she said.

Sam jerked awake before he even realized he was dreaming. Emma was standing at the end of his bed holding a laundry basket full of Sam's clothes.

"Dreams?" she asked. "I guess that's common. What was yours about?"

Sam swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, right. Was it really bad?"

"Just weird." Sam got up and took the basket from Emma. "Thanks."

She nodded. "Charlie showed me how to use the machines. I think most of the blood came out."

Sam looked at the clock. It was seven in the morning. "Did you sleep at all?" he asked as he sorted through his clothes.

"I've been busy," Emma replied. "There's a lot to do. Benny's still semi-conscious. Dean is sleeping. Oh, and that demon guy was here, but Castiel convinced him to go away and come back later. There may have been death threats involved."

"Demon guy—Crowley?"

"Yeah. British, obnoxious."

"That about sums him up."

"Is anything not going crazy right now?"

"Jody threatened to lock Annie in the dungeon if she didn't stay put. Jody went to get groceries or kill a vampire or maybe both; I don't remember."

"So, that would be a no?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Guess that means all is right with the world."

"How is that—oh, of course. If something isn't going wrong, one must be suspicious."

"Yeah."

"You know, I have dreams too. It doesn't make sense because we know they're not real, but really bad stuff happens for real, so it's not that much different."

"I don't know. I think seeing my mom again is pretty far-fetched."

"Your mom? You don't talk about her. Was she nice?"

"I was six months old when she died."

"Human aging confounds me."

"Not walking, talking, and killing things."

Emma flinched. "I'm going to have breakfast," she said and turned to leave.

Sam realized too late that he had made a mistake. Emma was already halfway down the hall when he thought that bringing up her origins might not be the greatest idea.

He sighed and finished putting his clothes away. This was just one more thing to add to the list of all that was going wrong.

**~oOo~**

It was later than Dean expected when he woke. The past six hours or so were a strange blank space in his mind with no dreams or tossing. This was made all the more unusual when Dean noticed that someone came in and picked up his clothes. Sam—Dean could smell him.

More importantly, though, Dean was thirsty. As soon as he got dressed, he headed for the kitchen. Emma and Charlie were there eating cereal. A strange urge rose up in Dean to turn around and go back to his room. The thought of drinking blood in front of people was almost worse than going without. Almost. Dean decided if he acted like it was normal, maybe no one would say anything.

Charlie wished him a good morning as he came into the room. Emma didn't even look up, which didn't seem right, but Dean was too concerned with keeping his cool about the blood thing. He went to the refrigerator and reached to the back where the angel stuff was kept. He looked at the bag in his hand and knew it would be weird to drink it like that. He remembered after the nest in Illinois, Cas had put it in a glass. Maybe that made it less creepy.

Once Dean had his glass of blood, he still stood beside the counter instead of sitting at the table. No need to make anyone lose their appetite. An awkward silence ensued, and Dean regretted his decision to get out of bed this morning. Everything just went downhill when Cas came into the room looking to be in the worst mood Dean had ever seen.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked tersely. "Now?"

Dean's last drink of blood felt like lead on his tongue, and for a second, he forgot how to swallow. "Uh, sure," he said hesitantly, setting his glass in the sink.

Dean followed Cas out into the hallway, and he could feel waves of irritation and frustration coming off the angel.

"I checked on Benny like you wanted," he said. "And there's not much I can do. Angels and vampires don't have much in common—except you."

"You didn't bring me out here to tell me that."

"No." Cas got a stern look in his eyes. "First, about Crowley."

"What about him?" Dean didn't like where this was headed.

Cas voice got deeper, if that were possible. "How could you make a deal with him to bring Meg back? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Honestly?" Dean said. "There was never a good time. You were kind of dying, and then things got busy and—"

"You knew I wouldn't have wanted it. And if you think your deal only affects you—"

"I don't. I know what it means. But Crowley's not going away, so it's better to have him on our side."

"That sounds exactly like what he said." Cas' eyes almost seemed to darken.

Dean shrugged. "Well, he's not wrong."

"Dean."

"I know. This isn't how I wanted things to go, but no one has ever accused me of thinking clearly most of the time."

"Does that make it better?" Cas tilted his head. "Is making rash decisions a mark of good judgement to you?"

"No one's ever accused me of that either, but no. I'm not saying it was right; I just don't know what I'd do differently."

"You know this will have consequences for everyone?"

Dean nodded. "I'll do my best to keep it all on me, but sometimes..."

"You can't save everyone. Which brings me to my second point."

"You have points?"

"Just the two. Why didn't you call me for help when you fought against the first generation?"

"I was a little busy hacking him to pieces."

"You know all it takes is a thought."

"Yeah, and my thoughts were occupied trying to get him out of Benny's head."

"There's more to this, Dean. I know there must be."

"I had it under control."

"But you didn't need to. I could feel your fear. I could have helped you."

Dean didn't meet Cas' gaze. "Haven't you given enough?" he asked.

Cas shook his head. "You don't understand," he said. "I'll always give more. No matter how stupid you are."

Dean knew that. He didn't like that Cas felt like he had to say it. He didn't want that from anyone.

"We got a lot of work to do right now," Dean said, trying to regain some control over something.

"I know," Cas agreed. "We need to find a way to bring Benny back. Any ideas?"

Dean sighed. "I was hoping you might have something."

* * *

**It's still Saturday! I wrote all this in a notebook while I was house sitting and just typed it up. Anyway, happy one year anniversary. I hope you like this extra chapter.**


	51. The Lazarus Experiment

**Chapter Fifty "The Lazarus Experiment"**

This funny familiar foreignness lingered at the edge of awareness. If oblivion had a feeling, this was it. There were things around him, touching him, Benny knew. But he didn't know anything. There was no knowing, no feeling. This was death after death—that metaphysical question no one ever knew the answer to until it was too late.

Skin on skin, but he couldn't feel it, couldn't reach out and touch her and tell her... anything. Did he still love her? That word didn't make sense in his brain anymore. Neither did things like word, brain, or sense. The very thought of thinking caused metaphorical shudders.

This was nothing. This was the void. Darker than darkness, more hellish than Hell. Even the urge to fight against it was never fully realized. He was trapped in empty passivity. He had no soul, no mind, no will. Surrender was the only option.

**~oOo~**

The sensation of walking in on an awkward conversation was very familiar to Sam, especially where Dean and Cas were concerned. He found the two of them standing in the hallway outside the kitchen.

"Are you two having another staring contest?" Sam asked. "'Cause nobody ever wins."

"What is he—" Cas started.

Dean waved it off. "You doing okay?"

Sam realized a second too late that Dean was talking to him. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You just look a little... off."

"Is anything normal right now?" Sam really didn't want to talk about his weird dream anymore or the assortment of strange feelings he'd been having lately.

"Guess not." Dean shrugged. "I was gonna go check on Kevin, see if he's gotten anywhere with the tablet."

"They found it?" Sam turned to Cas.

"Meg and Lenore retrieved it while we were gone," Cas said. "Kevin has been working on it ever since."

"Finally some good news."

The three of them started walking in the direction of the library. Sam wasn't that hungry anyway. When they entered the library, Kevin was the only one there, and he was looking a bit faded. Sam hadn't seen him since the day he heard about his mom dying, so he wasn't sure what to expect.

"I will tell you when I find something; stop hovering!" Kevin said, almost more to himself than anything.

"You feeling all right there, Kevin?" Dean asked cautiously.

Kevin looked up as if surprised to see them standing there. "Fine," he said shortly. "I know you need answers right now, but I need quiet in order to find them."

"Right." Dean nodded. "Just let us know if you need anything."

"Translators," Kevin said. "The meaning gets lost if I go directly to English. Or probably any modern human language."

"Sam and I can help with that," Cas said.

"Great," Dean said. "I'm gonna go see what Crowley wanted."

Kevin managed to look shocked and homicidal at the same time.

"Probably shouldn't have said that," Dean muttered.

"You're going to kill him, right? Tell me you're going to kill him."

"I can't."

"Why not."

"Ask Sam."

"That's not entirely fair," Cas interjected. "You were both idiots to deal with him."

"Thanks," Sam mumbled.

Kevin sort of flickered a bit before becoming solid again. "You know what, never mind. I can't think about this right now."

Sam sat down across from Kevin and took a look at some of his notes. "So, do you need strictly non-human languages, or does Ancient Greek or Latin work?"

**~oOo~**

"... No, you shouldn't come here... because there are about twelve people who want to kill you in this bunker... Yeah, same place."

Dean hung up the phone and turned to see Emma standing in the doorway of the war room with her arms crossed over her chest. He had been aware of her presence the whole time, but he was busy dealing with Crowley.

"Wanna go to a strategy meeting with the king of Hell?" Dean asked jokingly.

Emma didn't move from her spot, leaning against the door frame. "I've got some stuff I need to do," she said.

"You okay?" Dean seemed to be asking that a lot this morning.

Emma shrugged and didn't say anything.

"It's just that you've been kind of quiet."

"I'm always quiet."

"Okay." Dean decided to let it go. "Good luck with your stuff."

Emma remained standing there as Dean headed up the stairs to the door. He could still smell her increasingly human-ish scent as he left the building. She smelled nervous. Dean tucked it away in the back of his mind that he would have to talk to her about it later. At the moment, he had a much less frightening prospect ahead of him.

The sun was out as he climbed up the hill behind the bunker. It wasn't very far to the place Dean had met with Crowley last time, but he preferred to keep this away from everyone else. It was his deal that got him into this, and he wasn't going to subject everyone else to the consequences if he could help it.

But as soon as he passed Sam's herb garden, Dean could tell someone was following him. He let out a weary sigh and turned around to see Meg gazing innocently up at him.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"To make sure you don't do anything stupid," she replied. "Anything else."

"Cas send you?"

"He doesn't know I'm here. I just thought someone with half a brain should be at this meeting."

"That's the last time I save your ass." Dean began walking up the hill again.

"I never asked you to," Meg said as she caught up to him. "And I know you didn't do it for me."

"Does it matter?"

"You have no idea."

Dean had to think about that for a moment. Was Meg actually thanking him for something? No, that couldn't be it.

They reached the crest of the hill, and the awkward conversation came to an end. Crowley hadn't arrived yet, which was no surprise. He seemed to enjoy making people wait.

"What exactly is the point of meeting out here?" Meg asked.

"It's a matter of principle."

"You let me in."

"You hardly count as a demon anymore," Crowley's voice cut in as he appeared in front of them.

"You're late," Dean said.

"I do have other things to do."

"No you don't."

"You think Hell rules itself?"

"There was the time we had you locked in the basement."

"Sorry I missed that," Meg said.

"Well, you were busy being dead," Crowley grumbled.

"So what's this news?" Dean asked. "You do _have_ news?"

"Yes, I have news." Crowley seemed offended that there would be any doubt. "The Alpha's strength is growing. He's been turning more people the way he turned you. I've kept my distance as much as possible, but he's beginning to encroach on my operations."

Dean couldn't help a faint smirk. "Kinda hard to buy someone's soul when it's already spoken for."

"It's not only contracts. We do get some on their own merits, but he's been turning those too."

"So he's taking the worst sort of people and making them... worse?"

"Exactly. If you're ever going to make a move, it should be now."

Dean nodded. "I know. What's your plan once I do?"

Crowley spread his hands. "I promised my support, and that's what you'll have. Just give me more than ten minutes notice. It does take time to assemble the troops."

"If you want to help now, you can find out where the Alpha is holed up. I think he's got a few places, but he doesn't seem to be worried about me finding him."

"Of course not. He's _waiting _for you. I'll get someone on it, but I'm not going near the nest."

"Yeah, and call next time. Don't just show up. Cas and Meg were plotting to kill you last time."

Crowley glared at Meg.

"You killed me first," she said.

"I can only hope there will be many casualties in the fight to come." Crowley disappeared without another word.

"Has he gotten grumpier?" Meg asked as they started back down the hill.

"Is that even possible?" Dean replied.

**~oOo~**

Emma looked down the hallway to make sure no one was coming. It wasn't that she was doing anything wrong, but she just didn't want to talk about it. She walked on the balls of her feet to make no sound as she looked for the right door. With one last look over her shoulder, Emma opened the door and slipped into the room, closing it softly behind her.

Across the room, Lenore sat in a chair beside the bed. She looked exhausted, like she hadn't slept at all. Emma knew the feeling. Benny was actually sleeping soundly, but there was no telling how long that would last.

"Did you get him to drink any more?" Emma asked, walking over to the bedside table to pick up the bloodstained empty glass.

"It took a while," Lenore said weakly. "He doesn't really respond to anything. Except when I sing, but my voice is tired."

Emma leaned over to bed to check on Benny for herself. "I don't know how to sing," she said.

Lenore gave her a curious look. "Not at all?"

Emma shook her head. "No one ever taught me. I used to listen to you at night sometimes when we were in Purgatory, but... well, it doesn't matter."

"I could teach you if you want. It might help him."

Emma sat down on the end of the bed and nodded, forgetting about the glass in her hand for the moment.

Lenore sat up straight and set aside her book. "I suppose Julie Andrews said it best," she began.

For the next half hour, Lenore taught Emma a silly song about notes and how to combine them to make songs. It took a few tries to get her voice on key, but it was a nice feeling when she did. Eventually, Lenore was too hoarse to sing anymore, so she took the empty glass and told Emma to keep practicing for a little while. Once Lenore had left the room, Emma moved over to the chair, closer to where Benny was lying.

"I know we're not exactly friends," she whispered, glancing at the door to make sure no one was listening. "But you're not such a bad guy, and I know you're still in there somewhere. You probably can't hear me, but I just wanted you to know that everything's gonna be all right. And if you could wake up soon, that'd be nice because there's something I want to ask you about... I guess that's all."

Emma leaned back in the chair and started humming the song again, just to keep the melody in her head.

**~oOo~**

Back at the bunker, Dean and Meg found the library in chaos. Kevin was still right where Dean left him, but Sam was running back and forth consulting books and making notes and getting this constipated look on his face. Cas was sitting across from Kevin, calmly translating something while sipping coffee.

"They're so cute when they're nerdy," Dean said.

"Unless you interrupt them," Meg cautioned.

Sam stopped suddenly in front of Dean and Meg. "I think we might have something," he said breathlessly. "Just give us a few more minutes."

"That was quick," Dean said, walking back out into the war room.

"Everyone around here seems very motivated to save everyone else," Meg said. "That's about all you can get them to do."

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

Meg shook her head. "No, but what happens when people start dying. Crowley was right; there will be casualties once this fight starts."

"I'm not gonna let that happen," Dean said firmly.

"How are you going to stop it?" Meg almost laughed. "Gonna face the Alpha alone? Yeah, that seems like a good idea."

"When this fight goes down, I know I can't keep all of you out of it, but I also know that I'm going to win. Not because I sacrifice everyone I care about, but because I don't. This isn't just some vampire grudge match. There's a reason I'm doing this, and I've never forgotten that."

"You can't protect everyone." Meg's voice was quiet and softer than usual.

"I think you're underestimating my motivation."

Meg gave Dean a long hard look. "You're planning on dying aren't you? That's not going to save anyone, Dean."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, no, you can lie to Sam and Cas and everyone else, but you can't lie to me. I see right through you. You always planned on dying in the end."

Dean shook his head. "Honestly, I don't know what's gonna happen, but if I don't make it out, that just gives the rest of you a chance. It's not the end of the world."

Meg looked back into the library. "It is for them."

"Guys!" Sam's excited voice echoed through the bunker. "I think we got it."

Dean avoided looking at Meg as he walked back into the library. He tried to focus on however they were going to save Benny. The rest could wait for tomorrow.

"Well, there's good news and bad news," Kevin said.

"What's the bad news?" Dean asked.

"It might be impossible to get the cure."

"How can there be any good news?"

Kevin sighed. "The tablet does say that there's a way to restore a vampire's sanity after they've been subject to mind control, but the exact wording is 'a cure of his own blood' et cetera."

Dean frowned. "So, Benny has to drink his own blood? How is that impossible?"

"In this case," Cas put in. "The language denotes _human _blood. We would need Benny's blood from when he was a human. And I don't think any of the angels have the strength for time travel anymore."

"No, wait," Sam said, joining them at the table with an old dusty book. "His own blood could be referring to his DNA. As in, a close relative?"

Dean realized where Sam was going with this. "Elizabeth?" he asked.

Sam nodded. "She's a direct descendant. It could be her blood we need. It's worth a shot."

"Who exactly is Elizabeth?" Cas asked.

"Benny's great granddaughter," Dean said. "But will she want to help?"

Sam shrugged. "We could always ask."

"It'll have to be soon," Kevin said. "He's only got a few days to live after the attack."

"Okay, Sam, you and Cas go to Louisiana. Is there anything else we need for the cure?"

"We should have it all in the storeroom," Sam said. "Kevin can make you a list."

"Good, Kevin—I know we've been asking a lot of you, but can you keep working on that thing? Anything that will give us the upper hand against the Alpha."

Kevin nodded. "That's what I'm here for."

Dean let out a sigh. "Guess it's about time I get everyone battle ready."

* * *

**This chapter was a lot of fun to write. Well, they all are, but for some reason, I particularly enjoyed this one. Maybe because it's setting up a lot of things for later. The end is in sight. Which is kind of sad and kind of exhilarating at the same time. Also, if you haven't noticed yet, I've changed the rating of this story to T because I thought it might help more people find it, and I was told it probably didn't need to be rated M. I guess we'll see how that goes.**


	52. Silence in the Library

**Chapter Fifty-One "Silence in the Library"**

Sam didn't like angelic flying any more than Dean did, but there just wasn't time for anything else. He was surprised Dean hadn't wanted to come as well after his previous insistence that everyone stay together. Though, it may have had something to do with the last time Dean had seen Elizabeth. Even for Sam, the memories of this place were something he'd rather have buried for so many reasons.

Elizabeth's restaurant was open, and there were a few people inside, but it looked kind of deserted otherwise. Sam was kind of happy he had never actually met Elizabeth, though he didn't relish explaining who he was or what was going on.

Cas followed behind silently as Sam went inside. They sat down at the counter, and Sam noticed that Elizabeth was working by herself. Cas turned over the coffee cup in front of him, and Sam was starting to think that everyone had suddenly become more adept at human interaction than he was.

Elizabeth came around and filled Cas' cup. "What can I get you gentlemen today?" she asked. Her smile was forced.

"It is a rather strange request," Cas said cautiously.

"Long as it's not against the law," Elizabeth joked half-heartedly.

"We're here on behalf of your great-grandfather."

Elizabeth shrunk back, almost imperceptibly. "Are you—are you like him?" Her gazed moved from Cas to Sam and back again.

Cas seemed surprised. "We're not vampires," he said, glancing over at Sam. "He's human."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "And you are?"

"It's not important."

"I think it's very important if you're here about my undead relative."

Sam finally spoke. "He's an angel."

"That's a joke, right?"

Cas looked somewhat embarrassed. "I'm afraid not," he said. "But we don't have a lot of time. Benny is in trouble. We need to know if you can help us."

"Pretty sure his kind of trouble isn't something I can help with."

"You're the only one who can," Sam said. "He's dying. He doesn't have much time."

Elizabeth let out a sharp breath and set the coffee pot down on the counter. "How is that even possible?"

"Other vampires. Bad ones. We found a way to cure him, but we need something from you."

Elizabeth nodded slowly like she knew. "You need my blood. That's what you were going to say, right? Isn't it always blood?"

"Just a little bit," Cas clarified.

Elizabeth looked around the restaurant as if to be sure no one was listening. "Let me tell you something," she said in a low voice. "I watched a man I trusted—someone willing to sacrifice his life for me—rip out another man's throat. What kind of world is it that I gotta live with that? He wasn't hurting anyone, but those hunters came anyway. They'll never stop, will they? The hunters and the monsters, they all want him dead. Where does it end?"

Sam took a shaky breath and rested his hands on the counter. "It was my fault," he said quietly. "My fault that hunter tried to hurt you, my fault Benny killed him. I was the one who believed a vampire couldn't be good. I was wrong. I'm not going to let anything like that happen again."

Elizabeth seemed to be thinking for a moment. "You need my blood because I'm his closest living relative?"

Sam nodded.

"Then you might want someone else."

Sam finally made eye contact with her. "Who?"

"My grandmother. She's in a nursing home a few towns over. She's out of her mind most of the time, but she won't notice a little blood missing."

**~oOo~**

Dean started drinking coffee around ten in the morning. He could still taste it, but the flavor seemed flat compared to how it used to be. He just needed something to do. He had tried researching signs of vampire activity, but he couldn't bring himself to care about every little nest anymore. He wasn't going to be doing any more side hunting.

Charlie was helping Kevin with his translations using programs on her computer, which seemed to be much faster than Sam and Cas' way. Kevin still glared at Dean any time he made too much noise or hovered too close.

"They should be back by now," Dean said, mostly to himself.

A piece of crumpled paper hit him in the side of the face, and he tuned to see Meg sitting with her feet up on one of the tables. "You're making the geniuses nervous," she said.

"How long does it take to get a blood sample?"

"Maybe they're being subtle about it. I wouldn't expect you to know what that means."

"We don't have time for this."

"We could go outside and try to kill each other before Kevin tries to rip out your vocal cords."

"I wouldn't do that," Kevin said, still staring at his work. "I'd think about it, but I wouldn't do it. But, yes, go outside, please."

Dean turned and started to leave the room. Meg followed him.

"Old guy's probably getting rusty anyway," she said.

"Old guy?"

"You can't say it wouldn't be fun, kinda like the old days."

"As I recall, you didn't think it was that fun getting thrown out a window."

"Would you? And then there were the exorcisms and torture..." Meg dronned.

Dean shook his head. "Not even close to payback for possessing Sam."

"Hmm... that was fun."

"We remember that time very differently."

"How about when I fought of hellhounds for you? Or the other times I saved your asses?"

"Guess it's a start."

Meg huffed. "What's it take to impress you? I mean, I did the dying thing."

"It can't change the past." Dean suddenly felt a chill which was strange because he hadn't felt cold in a long time. "Did you feel that?"

"What?" Meg asked.

They were standing in the middle of the war room, and the cold feeling lingered around them like they had walked into a fog.

"It's cold," Dean said.

"There is a ghost in the other room."

"No, _I_ feel cold. That hasn't happened since I was human."

Meg smirked. "Maybe it's all this nostalgia."

"You're not helping."

"Of course not. You never appreciate it when I do."

Dean looked around the room with a frown as if that would give him the answer. Something weird was going on here, which he really didn't have time for. No insights presented themselves, and Meg was obviously not interested, so Dean changed the subject.

"Have you seen Emma this morning?" he asked.

"Nope," Meg replied nonchalantly.

"I thought you two were BFFs or something."

Meg leaned against the map table and crossed her arms. "She's been weird since you came back. She was up all night prowling and doing laundry."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Tried. Neither of us is exactly chatty."

"Maybe she's just getting used to being back here."

Dean and Meg were interrupted when Jody came in the door above them. She was carrying a sack of groceries in one arm and a bloody machete in her other hand. As she came down the stairs, Dean stared at her curiously.

"What?" she asked when she reached the main floor. "I was multitasking."

"Did the produce guy piss you off?" Dean asked.

Jody gave him a sardonic frown. "If he did, you'd never find the body."

"You ran into _something _out there."

"Just a loner." Jody set her groceries on the table and looked at the blade with a critical eye. "Which was odd."

Dean tried not to think about what it meant. A loner could be a good vampire, but if Jody killed it, probably not. In any case, Dean needed to get started on that whole preparing the troops thing. It wasn't something he looked forward too, but it was time to get everyone together and make sure they could take care of themselves when things got messy.

"Everyone meet back here in ten minutes," Dean said.

"What for?" Meg asked.

"You'll want to be there," was all Dean said before taking off down the hall.

**~oOo~**

Elizabeth drove the hour long trip in forty-five minutes. Sam sat in the passenger seat gripping the door handle the whole way and trying not to let it show. Meanwhile, Cas was settled comfortably in the backseat, watching the scenery and commenting on various foliage, calling everything by its Latin name. Sam actually understood a few of them.

When they reached the hospital, Elizabeth led them to the front desk to check in. The nurse recognized her, and gave her a sad sort of smile.

"Hope she's awake for you today," the nurse said.

As they walked down the hallway to the elevators, Sam heard Elizabeth mutter under her breath, "Hope she's not."

The whole ride over had been awkwardly quiet—save Cas' impromptu nature documentary—but now Sam felt that he had to ask.

"Does Benny know?" he asked.

Elizabeth stopped in front of the elevator doors and hit the up button. "He never said," she replied. "Of course, he never said he was related to me either, so I don't know."

"But if he knew, wouldn't he have visited her?"

"Maybe not. I was safe because I couldn't possibly recognize him. In her rarer lucid moments, my grandmother might."

"If he found you, couldn't he have found her?"

The elevator opened, and Elizabeth stepped in. "Guess you'll have to ask him when you see him."

They went up to the fourth floor, and Elizabeth took off down a long corridor with many other hallways branching off. The sterile white space made Sam feel a little uneasy. The last time he was in a hospital, he thought he might be permanently injured. Now his shoulder only ached once in a while, and the weird angel stuff was gone. There was that dream about his mother where it glowed again, but that was probably nothing.

When they finally reached the right room, Elizabeth stood outside the door. "We can't tell her," she said. "Even if she could understand it, it would only get her worked up. So, just do what you have to do, and let that be the end of it."

Sam nodded. "Thank you," he said. "You didn't have to do this."

Elizabeth looked him in the eye. "Of course I did."

Cas went into the room first, and Sam followed. Elizabeth stayed by the door. The old woman was sleeping as they approached.

"Nurses come around in about five minutes, so don't dawdle," Elizabeth said.

From somewhere in his coat, Cas took a syringe which Sam didn't even know he had. He quickly found a vein and drew out a few ounces of blood. The woman twitched, but didn't wake,

"Is that enough?" Elizabeth asked.

"It should be," Sam replied.

"Ellie?" the woman's voice croaked, almost making Sam jump. "Is it time for my medicine."

"No, grandma," Elizabeth said, crossing the room and taking her grandmother's hand. "These are friends. Just saying hello."

"He's got blood. Blood, blood."

Sam and Cas exchanged worried looks.

"It's okay," Elizabeth said. "Go back to sleep."

"Full of blood. Everywhere."

"You should go," Elizabeth whispered to Sam.

He nodded and moved to stand beside Cas, bracing himself for the flight. A blink later, and they were standing in the library, papers fluttering around them.

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter. I'm going to be gone all day tomorrow, so I wanted to get this out now.**


	53. The Child Is Lost

**Chapter Fifty-Two "The Child Is Lost"**

It took longer than Dean anticipated to collect everyone besides Charlie and Kevin in the war room. He was certain that Emma was purposefully avoiding him, though he hadn't worked up to asking why yet. The others were no help either. It was like wrangling cats.

Once everyone was finally together, Dean realized that he would have to say something now. He hadn't exactly planned this part out; he just knew they all needed to be ready for whatever was going to happen next.

"I've been putting this off," Dean began. "Maybe I thought I could find some way of ending this fight without including all of you, but I know that's not gonna happen. And we have to be ready. You're gonna have to be able to fight something like me."

"But there _is _nothing like you," Annie said.

"Maybe not, but the Alpha is turning more people himself. They're stronger and faster and able to control other vampires. As far as I know, I'm the only one who's ever fought one of them, and it wasn't easy."

"Is this the part where you tell us it's all hopeless so we should just stay home?" Meg asked. "'Cause while I might be okay with that, I doubt it's a consensus."

"No," Dean said. "This is the part where I tell you I'm going to _make _you ready. And by the time I'm done, a vampire army is gonna seem like a walk in the park."

A noise from the library alerted everyone, and Dean looked through the doorway to see Sam and Cas standing there in a pile of books and papers.

Dean forgot what he was doing for the moment and hurried into the library. "Did you get it?" he asked.

Cas held up a syringe of blood. "In a roundabout way."

"What does that mean."

"Elizabeth took us to see her grandmother," Sam said.

"You mean...?"

"Exactly."

"Does Benny know?"

Sam shrugged. "Guess we'll find out."

Charlie brought over a small cup with a mix of herbs and other stuff that smelled terrible. "We just have to mix it together," she said. "Then get him to drink it."

Dean took the cup and held it out to Cas who poured the blood into it. Dean swirled it around a bit.

"This is gonna suck," he said.

"You should hurry," Kevin said. "The longer he goes without it, the higher chance of complications."

"Complications? You never mentioned—"

"Because we were having enough trouble just coming up with a cure. We'll find out how well it worked soon enough."

Dean decided not to argue and hurried out of the room. As he went through the war room and into the hallway, Emma followed him.

"Is this gonna make him better?" she asked.

"That's the idea," Dean said. "You worried?"

"No," Emma answered a little too quickly. "Why would you think that?"

"It's just you've been avoiding me all day, and now we're talking."

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Whatever. We can talk about it later."

They reached Benny's room, and Dean opened the door. Lenore was still there, having been excused from the "meeting" earlier. She got up from her chair when they came in, looking anxious.

"Is that it?" she asked.

"Yeah." Dean handed her the cup. "But I'm gonna have to wake him up."

"Maybe we can help." Lenore moved to the side of the bed and set the cup on the nightstand. "Dean, you stand here."

Dean took his place right beside Benny. He didn't have that peaceful sleeping look Dean had expected. He wore a perpetual frown.

Lenore moved to the other side of the bed and sat next to Benny. "Emma?" She held out her hand.

Emma crawled up on the end of the bed and sat on her knees, taking Lenore's hand. She held out the other one to Dean.

Dean took his daughter's hand as he started to see where this was going. "All right," he said. "You give me the words, and I'll get them in there."

That was when Lenore and Emma started singing. Dean heard it like an echo coming from Lenore's mind and their voices. He let the words and the music filter through his mind as he tried to pry into Benny's. At first, he wasn't getting anywhere. Benny's mind was a cold, dead spot in the room. But the more Lenore and Emma's voices blended together and pulled at the edges, Benny's consciousness began to open up. It was all a jumble of nonsense in there, and Dean felt a sinking sensation as he thought of Kevin's warning,

Dean pushed forward, ignoring his fears for the moment. Going into Benny's head was like diving into a black hole, but Dean couldn't hesitate. He closed his eyes, letting the room fade away, embracing the sensation of falling into nothingness, surrendering to the dark. Dean's hold on Emma's hand was the only thing that kept him connected to the world—that and the music that repeated itself on a loop through his head.

It felt like a never-ending night before Dean finally found something. It was dim and flickering, but there was still light in Benny's mind. Some part of him was still there.

_Wake up,_ Dean thought amid the words to a song he didn't understand. _Come back to us._

Something hit him like a ton of ice, and Dean came out of his trance. He stumbled back, only managing to stay on his feet because of Emma's grip. He tasted blood and thought he might throw up, but for a moment he forgot all about that.

Benny's eyes had the same frantic quality Dean noticed the last time he tried to wake his friend. He was looking around the room, but not really seeing anything.

"Quickly," Lenore said, holding out her hand.

Dean reached for the cure and handed it to her, sitting down on the edge of the bed as he did. Emma moved her hand up to his elbow as if to keep him from falling off. She was still singing softly.

Lenore held Benny's head up as she poured the cure into his mouth as quickly as she dared. He threatened to cough it up a couple of times, but Lenore rubbed his throat to get him to swallow. This continued until all the liquid was gone.

Benny's eyes closed again, and for a second, Dean had the overwhelming feeling that they had failed. But as he watched, he saw a bit of color coming back to Benny's face (not that he had much to begin with). He was breathing normally again, and that peaceful look Dean had expected before settled over his features.

"It's working," Dean said cautiously. "I think it's working."

"Can you hear his mind?" Lenore asked.

The thought of going back in there made Dean want to collapse and sleep for a year, but he tried anyway, It was easy. He didn't hear much, but there was normal brain activity, most of which he didn't understand.

"Yeah," Dean finally said. "I think he'll be fine."

"You don't look so good," Lenore said.

Dean remembered his bloody nose and nauseated feeling. He carefully slid off the bed and into the chair. There was a box of tissues on the nightstand which he used to clean up most of the blood. A few drops had gotten onto his shirt, but it would probably come out.

Dean didn't really notice when Emma's singing stopped or when she left the room. All he heard was Benny's steady breathing like the rare breeze in Purgatory lulling him to sleep.

**~oOo~**

When Lenore asked her to go get some more blood, Emma was glad for something to do. While almost every new experience was strange for her, this had been one of the strangest. It almost seemed like something from one of those fairy tales Charlie was always talking about. Of course, Emma was no expert on distinguishing real life from fairy tales anyway, and they may have been more closely related than most people thought. Still, curing someone by singing had to be weird in a more objective sense.

All the same, it was nice to have something else to think about. Benny's recovery was cause for optimism. Once he woke up, Emma would get the chance to talk to him. She wasn't even certain why it had to be him, but for some reason, she thought he would understand. It may have had something to do with the fact that he was still nice to her after all the times they had tried to kill each other. She was trying not to read too much into it.

After she poured three glasses of blood, making sure to keep the angel stuff separate, Emma headed back to Benny's room. She heard loud conversation coming from the direction of the library, but she didn't catch any of the contents.

When she got back, Emma found Dean asleep in the chair, and Lenore well on her way as she leaned against the headboard next to Benny. Emma handed her one of the glasses and set the other two on the nightstand.

"Do you want me to stay and watch him?" Emma asked.

"You haven't gotten any sleep either," Lenore replied.

"I know." Emma shrugged. "But I'm young and springy or something. I can stay awake a while longer."

"Okay," Lenore said, setting her empty glass on the other table. "Just for a little while."

She laid down on her pillow with her hand on Benny's arm and closed her eyes. Emma watched the lines of worry and fear fade from her face. She wondered what it was like to stop being afraid.

Emma sat on the edge of the bed and straightened the blankets. It hadn't been ten minutes, and Lenore was already sound asleep. Ever since they had come back with Benny, she hadn't rested. Emma hadn't either, though she had other reasons. She didn't want to admit that she was worried because that meant she had something to lose, and she didn't understand that feeling.

After about fifteen minutes, Benny began to stir. Emma suspected his thirst would wake him eventually, assuming he was back to normal. When he opened his eyes, they still held a blank look, but it wasn't the wild, deranged expression he had before. His gaze moved around the room and came to rest on Emma. She put her finger to her lips and picked up one of the full glasses from the nightstand. Benny pushed himself up on the pillows. His hand was shaking as he took the cup.

"Careful," Emma whispered.

When he finished, Benny handed the glass back to Emma. "How long was I out?" he asked.

"About a day," Emma replied. "How do you feel?"

Benny smiled wanly. "Tired."

"Do you remember—"

"Going psycho? Yeah, I remember. After that, there's... fragments, voices."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"What? No, I don't think so."

"I just... had to keep you down for a while."

"Yeah, thanks for that. You coulda put an end to me right there."

Emma shook her head. "I didn't have to. That's actually something I've been wondering about."

Benny looked like he wanted to laugh. "You think I'm ready for deep, philosophical questions right after being mostly comatose?"

Emma looked back at Dean to make sure he was still sleeping. "I think the fact that you know what I'm asking is a good sign."

Benny shrugged one shoulder. "Guess you can always ask."

Emma let out a measured breath and collected her thoughts. "When we were in Purgatory," she began, "killing things was... normal. I didn't think about it or care, but coming back here—it's different. Even when I wanted to kill Dean, it was different."

"Because it means something," Benny said. "Back there, we were all dead, so it didn't matter. Here, life has value, substance."

"But I've been thinking about what's going to happen next—this war we're going to have—and I don't think I can do it."

"What?"

"Fight. Kill. You weren't there, but when I killed my mother..." Emma looked off to the side at the space between the bed and the nightstand.

"You think it will always be like that?"

"Is it supposed to be easy? Is it supposed to feel right? Because I can't see that ever happening for me. I don't think I can be..."

"A hunter? Like your father?"

Emma looked back at Benny, meeting his eyes. "How do I tell him?"

Benny had a sad sort of smile as he reached out and took Emma's hand. "Like that," he said. "Just like you told me. I don't think he would want that life for you."

"But... everyone here is here because they're part of the fight."

"We're here because we're family. Not everyone can kill monsters. Not everyone should."

Emma nodded and stood up. She still held the empty glass in one hand. "I should take care of these," she said, going to the other side of the bed to pick up the second one.

"Just one thing," Benny said as she headed for the door.

"Yeah?" Emma replied.

"Why did you ask me?"

"I don't know. I guess we've tried to kill each other a few times, so it just seemed right."

Benny smiled as Emma left the room.

**~oOo~**

After Dean left to take care of Benny, Sam and Cas found the group gathered in the war room.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"Dean said something about how we all needed to be ready to fight, and he was going to get us ready or something," Annie explained.

"Ooh!" Charlie said, coming up behind them from the library. "We could have a training montage."

"You know that's not how real life actually works," Sam said. "In order to have a training montage, you actually have to... train."

"It would probably be wise," Cas agreed. "Especially since we don't know how many first generation vampires there are."

"But isn't Dean more powerful than any of them because of his demon/angel hybrid thing going on?" Charlie asked.

"The one he fought in Colorado was nearly as strong as he is," Sam said. "And Dean can't control other vampires like they can. At least, not very well."

"He doesn't want to," Cas said. "But that will have to change."

"Don't forget all the demons and angels he's got on his side," Meg said. "I'll give it to him: he really knows how to play the field."

"Which could lead to more harm than good," Cas said.

Sam looked over at Jody who had been quiet this whole time. She was leaning against the desk on the other side of the map table with her arms crossed and expression unreadable.

Sam moved around the room as the others continued talking about strategy and obstacles. He knew they needed to deal with all those things, but at the moment, Jody's silence was more concerning.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, leaning against the table next to her.

Jody cast him a brief glance before looking back at the group around the table. "Everybody's talking about war," she said. "I knew that going in, but... not everyone is going to make it out."

Sam looked at Jody in surprise. "We don't know that."

Jody raised her eyebrows incredulously. "Sam, we do know that. This kind of life doesn't end in sunshine and roses. Think of all the people we've already lost. I mean, Bobby—"

"I know. I just... can't think about that."

"That's because you have faith in one thing. That's all you need to keep you going. And I'm not saying I won't if we lose someone, but I don't have that one person like you do. Not everyone comes back from the dead when you need them."

Sam sighed. "Why does doing the right thing always mean someone has to die?"

Jody shrugged. "You got me."

**~oOo~**

A tangy, metallic smell finally woke Dean. His neck bent uncomfortably against the back of the chair, but the thought of food was sufficiently distracting.

Food.

Dean reached for the glass on the nightstand and noticed that Benny was awake watching him. "You back with us?" Dean asked, trying to sound as casual as possible in spite of the gravel in his voice.

Benny smirked. "You don't look so good, brother," he said.

"It's going around." Dean took a drink, and immediately noticed his head begin to clear.

"I never got the full story."

"Not much to tell."

Benny gave Dean a knowing look. "Now, we don't lie to each other, do we Dean?"

Dean sighed. "What do you want to know? How bad it was? How I couldn't save you? You're fine now; that's the important thing."

"How did you save me, then?"

This was the part Dean didn't want to explain any more than the rest of it, but he also knew that Benny had to know what happened. "Kevin found a cure in the vampire tablet," he said. "The exact words were something like 'his own blood,' but Sam thought that might mean a close relative, so..."

"Elizabeth?"

"That was the plan. When Sam and Cas got there... Benny, she took them to see her grandmother."

It was as if the world stopped for a second, and no one breathed. Even Lenore, who was sleeping next to Benny seemed to freeze.

"Rose," Benny said. The word filled the room and hung in the air like a fog.

Dean even forgot about the angel blood for a moment. "Did—did you know?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Benny shook his head. "I couldn't find her. I knew Elizabeth's mother was gone, but..."

"Lenore said you never told her about your family."

"Wasn't much to tell except bad."

"But some of them are still alive."

"You think that makes a difference? Maybe it hasn't hit you yet, and maybe it never will 'cause you got yourself one tough brother, but being what we are... there ain't no going back. Sooner or later, you lose your family whether they're living or not."

* * *

**I am becoming increasingly excited for where this is all heading. Can't wait for you guys to see what's coming up soon. **


	54. Kill You Nicely

**Chapter Fifty-Three "Kill You Nicely"**

Training began early the next morning. Benny was still recovering from his run-in with the first generation, so he and Lenore were excused. Everyone else met on the hillside after breakfast.

"Shouldn't we be using sticks or something?" Charlie asked, turning over the machete in her hand.

Dean couldn't help smirking. "You really think you're gonna get that close?"

"What about these?" Sam held up one of the dart guns.

"Takes about three to slow me down, six or seven to paralyze me, and it only lasts a short time. Use it as a last resort, otherwise you'll run out quick."

"You actually want us to shoot you with them?"

"About that." Dean looked around at the group. "Let's start with the humans first."

Sam gave Dean a confused look. "I _am _human."

"No, I know. But you have an unfair advantage."

"What, because I'm bigger than them?"

"That's not always an advantage. You have more experience, though, and you know me too well. That puts you in the slightly not human group for the moment."

This left Charlie, Jody, and Annie to begin with. Dean knew that they could each hold their own in a fight, but he also suspected that none of them was even remotely a match for him. He didn't need them to be able to take him down, but he needed them to be better. They each had their strengths. Jody had experience hunting, and Annie had grown up with vampires, while Charlie just seemed to be good at everything she put her mind to. All those things put together worried Dean because he knew how easy it would be for him to kill them without breaking a sweat. It would be the same for any other first generation vampire.

"Let's start with something easy," Dean said. "First person to put a scratch on me wins."

Dean stood still and relaxed, waiting. When nothing happened, he gave a small sigh.

"The bad guys aren't gonna say 'go,'" he said.

Jody came at him first, which he expected. She had more confidence, which was a good thing, but Annie and Charlie weren't used to providing backup. It was as if Jody were fighting alone, and that made it disgustingly easy for Dean. She held onto her blade when Dean swatted her arm out of the way, which was promising. But there wasn't much she could do when Dean got his arm around her waist and turned her around to face the others. She still had the machete in her hand, but Dean twisted her wrist so that it was a hair's breadth from cutting into her stomach. The whole time, Jody had tried kicking and using her elbows which barely tickled.

"This is what's gonna happen," Dean said. "Only they won't hesitate."

Dean let go of Jody's wrist, and she pulled away. "So we can't kill them," she said.

"You can," Dean said. "But not on your own. This is going to be a team effort. You can do everything right, but if you're alone, the vampire wins."

"So we need to strategize," Charlie said in her thinking voice. "If we can't beat them alone, we have to have a plan. Like running plays in football."

"You watch football?" Dean asked.

"I understand the concept," Charlie replied.

"Okay, so what's your play?"

"Well it's not like I've ever done it before. And I guess it'd be different depending on who you're fighting with."

"Right now, there's just you," Dean said, pointing to the three of them. "Everyone else is busy."

Sam and Meg made a show of looking incredibly bored while Cas just stared like usual, and Emma shuffled her feet.

"We need some kind of formation," Jody said. "'Cause the next time you try to stab me, I'm gonna borrow Sam's dart gun."

"Do we get a second to huddle?" Charlie asked.

Dean waved them on. "Go ahead."

Charlie grabbed Jody and Annie by the shoulders and leaned in to whisper her plan. Dean tried to focus on something else so he wouldn't hear them.

"This is about as fascinating as watching dead grass grow," Meg said.

"It does have strategic significance," Cas said.

"Ten more minutes," Dean said. He glanced over at Sam. "Then we'll show 'em what a real fight looks like."

Sam gave Dean a confused look like he was surprised to be included. Dean hadn't really thought much about how Sam might still be feeling bad about being out of commission for a while. But he seemed fine now, and there was no one better to give Dean a real fight. Except maybe Cas, and Dean wasn't feeling up to that right now. The memory of Cas fading away and nearly dying was still too fresh in his mind.

Dean's phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see a text message from Crowley.

"_Found him,"_ it said.

Dean looked over to where Charlie and Jody were arguing over their plan. They weren't ready yet. They needed more time.

"_Give us a couple days to get ready,"_ Dean texted back.

"_Tick tock,"_ came the reply.

Dean hoped no one noticed his nervous sigh as he put his phone away.

"Time's up," he said, heading back to the open area where he'd been standing before.

The three women looked at him with deer-in-the-headlights expressions. This did not bode well.

"When you say a scratch," Jody began, "you mean you actually want us to draw blood, right?"

"That's the idea."

Jody twisted her machete around to get a better grip. "Just making sure," she said.

This time, they didn't wait to attack. Jody stayed in the middle like last time, but Charlie and Annie were closer on her sides, matching her stride. At the last second, Jody ducked low, and the other two split to the sides. Jody was the most immediate threat, so Dean kicked her blade hand, sending the machete flying out of reach. Then he put his foot in the middle of her chest and pinned her to the ground. Charlie and Jody were coming from both sides now, but Dean was ready for them. Annie wasn't holding her machete right, and Dean grabbed the blunt side and ripped it out of her hand. Charlie was a bit more prepared with a good hold on her weapon and the footwork to avoid Dean's reach as she swung at him. Annie jumped at him, putting her whole weight into hanging on his jacket. Dean twisted his body so that Annie's back was facing Charlie. All the while, Jody was struggling to get out from under Dean's boot. Finding an opening where she wouldn't end up getting stabbed in the back by Charlie, Dean threw Annie off him, sending both girls to the ground. He took his foot off Jody and pulled her to her feet.

"That was better," he said. "At this point a real enemy would have killed all of you."

Jody rubbed her hand over her chest. "You could have stepped a little lighter," she said.

Dean smiled at her. "Just because I'm stronger than you doesn't mean I underestimate you."

Jody's eyebrows quirked curiously, and then she smiled back.

"Sammy," Dean said, turning to his brother. "Let's show 'em how it's done."

Sam walked slowly around the perimeter of their imaginary battlefield. He picked up Jody's machete, all the while keeping his eyes on Dean. They circled each other for a while, taking mental inventory of all the things they knew of each other's fighting style. Dean knew the moment Sam would attack, but Sam was aware of that, so it gave neither the advantage. Dean wasn't planning on letting Sam beat him, but he knew he couldn't go easy on him like he had the others.

When Sam's step shortened, Dean knew this was the moment. One second they were ten feet away from each other, and the next, Sam was going for Dean's throat. Dean managed to duck the blade and push Sam to the side. They faced each other again, only a few feet away this time. Sam kept his blade in front of him to keep Dean from springing at him. It would be easy for Dean to take Sam down, but not without getting himself sliced up.

Sam came at him again, this time swinging across Dean's chest. Dean jumped back out of reach. He caught ahold of Sam's wrist him both hands and twisted his arm to the inside, but Sam didn't let go of the machete. Instead, he hit Dean's jaw with his left. It didn't hurt as much as it used to, but Dean's second teeth came out anyway. A brief look of surprise crossed Sam's face, but he recovered and hit Dean again. This time, Dean let go of Sam's other arm, tasting blood.

Sam twisted the machete around his hand, stretching out his wrist. "Not going easy on me, are you?" he asked with a hint of a smile. He wasn't supposed to be enjoying this.

"Don't waste your energy, Sam," Dean replied, remembering how awkward it was to talk through all those teeth.

The smile didn't go away as Sam feinted left and then veered right. His left shoulder rammed into Dean's chest at full force, knocking him back against a tree. Sam grabbed Dean's jacket collar and raised his weapon.

Dean twisted his arm under Sam's, shoving him off and ducking out of the way as the blade hit the tree, getting stuck there. He tried to pull it free, but when it wouldn't come, Sam let go to get out of the way of Dean's next attack. Dean ran into the tree, smashing his left shoulder with full strength into the trunk. A tingling numbness shot down his arm as he grabbed the machete with his other hand and jerked it out of the bark.

If Dean hadn't possessed the upper hand this whole time, he certainly did now. He turned his attention to where Sam ducked behind the tree. Dean went around the other side, only to find that Sam was already three branches above his head. Dean didn't have time to wonder how he had gotten up there so fast.

Sam was running out on a wide bough that was too high for Dean to reach from the ground. That wasn't really a problem. Dean bent his knees and jumped straight up to the branch above Sam, which was smaller, and wobbled a bit as he landed. Sam seemed to have been expecting that. He reached up and grabbed the end of Dean's branch and let his feet drop out from under him. Dean fell to the right and found himself resting on a rickety clump of thin branches while Sam hung on by his knees below him. Dean still had a good grip on the machete, though, and he immediately started hacking at the end of Sam's branch. He didn't exactly want his brother to fall on his head, but he could go easy on him. To Dean's surprise, Sam let go and twisted his body around so that he landed on his feet. The branches holding Dean gave way, and he feel the whole way to the ground, landing painfully on his right side. He still held the machete, but apparently that wasn't as much of an advantage as he thought it was.

Dean switched the machete to his still vaguely numb left hand, but Sam ran at him and kicked it away before Dean had a good hold on it. Dean actually contemplated biting Sam's ankles, but before as he reached out to grab him, Sam moved around Dean, out of sight. Dean pulled himself up to his knees, and felt Sam coming from behind. He tried to throw him off, but Sam got his arm around Dean's neck, and held on. Dean pushed back, ramming Sam into the tree as hard as he could, but Sam's grip only tightened. Dean didn't actually need to breathe to survive, but a lack of oxygen would weaken him.

Dean tried using Sam's weight to flip him over, but he just ended up sending them both to the ground. Sam had all the advantage now, pulling downward with Dean on top of him. Dean kicked and clawed and tried to get his teeth into Sam's arm, but nothing deterred him. Dean was starting to see black spots, and he knew he had lost. Sam was still choking him, though. Dean tapped Sam's arm twice, but Sam may have thought he was still fighting because he didn't let go.

Dean tried to say his brother's name, but his airway was blocked. All that came out was a funny gasping noise. Dean started to panic, flailing his arms and legs. It was a reflex; he couldn't help it.

Just before he completely lost consciousness, Dean heard Cas' voice. "Sam, stop!"

Suddenly, Dean could breathe again. He rolled to the side, gasping and coughing. There were other voices, but his head was buzzing too loudly to understand them. For a long time, Dean could only think about getting enough air. After a while, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head to see Sam still sitting on the ground next to him looking worried.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Dean replied, and even that one word took effort. He managed to pull himself up so his face wasn't in the dirt anymore. Everyone was standing around them, looking shocked. Dean managed a forced laugh. "That's the part where you break the guy's neck."

"Which is actually really hard to do," Sam said, sounding less like he was going to pass out any second. "And it won't kill a vampire, but it'll probably immobilize one long enough to find yourself something sharp."

"So..." Annie began. "Was the lesson that Sam is freaking terrifying?"

Dean couldn't help smiling at his brother. "The lesson is... never underestimate a human."

**~oOo~**

The act of peeling off clothes was one Sam had become all too familiar with over the course of his life. His t-shirt was stuck to his back from when Dean shoved him into that tree. Thankfully, his jacket had protected him from getting any bits of bark in his wounds, but the skin was torn in several places and bleeding slowly.

He finally managed to get the shirt off and reached for the alcohol wipes. This was going to hurt. Of course, there was a problem: Sam couldn't exactly reach the worst of the wounds.

As if sensing he was needed, Dean chose that moment to come into Sam's room. Without knocking.

"Ouch," Dean said, do his best impression of sympathy.

"Yeah, thanks," Sam replied.

Dean crossed the room and picked up the first aid kit and sat down on the bed next to Sam. "You know, Cas could probably fix this for you," he said.

"It's fine."

"Sure." Dean started cleaning the scrapes without having to be asked.

Sam hissed in pain when the stinging first started. "What about you?" he asked, trying to distract himself.

"I'm good," Dean replied. "Had something to drink. Guess I got it easy."

"Guess it's only fair; you let me win."

Dean stopped for a second. "No I didn't."

Sam huffed. "Right, 'cause I've beat you at anything ever."

"Sam, you won. I wasn't going easy."

Sam turned his head to try to see if his brother were making some kind of joke, but Dean's face was serious as he went back to tending Sam's injuries.

"How does that happen?" Sam asked.

Dean didn't answer for a second. "Maybe you're stronger than you think you are," he finally said.

Sam was suddenly reminded of his dream, and the strange words of his phantom mother: _Don't be afraid to use it._ That couldn't be it.

"Maybe your heart wasn't in it," Sam suggested.

"No, Sam, yours _was_," Dean replied. "Annie was right: you were scary out there. In a good way."

Sam didn't know what to think of that. He'd never thought of himself as remotely powerful except when he was doing something wrong. How could this be right?

"What does that mean?" Sam asked.

"Well, don't be so grim about it." Dean's voice was lighthearted. "Sammy, for the first time in my entire life, I'm not worried about you."

Dean finished bandaging up Sam's back and set the first aid kit aside, and Sam turned completely to face him.

"You really believe this is all going to end well?"

Dean shrugged. "As well as any fight we've ever won."

Sam got up and took a clean t-shirt from the top drawer of his dresser. "That's not exactly a comforting thought."

"Probably better than that."

"Still..." Sam pulled his shirt over his head, wincing slightly as the fabric brushed against his back.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Look, I know we made a deal—"

"Which you haven't kept up your end to," Dean interrupted, eyeing Sam's hair.

"But you have to know that leaving again when the fight's over isn't going to make things better."

"Sam—"

"I know. I know you don't want to live with this, and there's nothing we can do to change that, but Dean... you're still you. So, you've got some extra teeth; it doesn't change who you are. You know why I beat you? Why I'm stronger than before? It's because you're _here_. When you were gone..."

"I know."

"I really don't think you do. And when the Alpha's gone, and it's not the end of the world anymore, maybe you think I won't need you, but what about everyone else?"

Dean looked away from Sam, his gaze fixating on the blank wall across from him. "You really think Cas won't be better off without me?"

Sam couldn't really argue with that. "It was his choice," he said.

"Yeah, and look where it's got us. I won't go on like this forever, feeding on him. It's..."

"What about Emma?" Sam asked. If anything could change Dean's mind, it was a kid.

Dean sighed. "She's scared and confused and I don't know what else. She's afraid of dying. Said I was afraid of living."

"She's right."

"I don't know what else to do, Sam."

"You fight so hard for everyone else, Dean, but did you ever think maybe this fight is for you? I brought you back because I couldn't do this, but I was never meant to do this. You and the Alpha and all that—it's your fight, and we're all following you."

"Whoever thought that was a good idea?" Dean asked with a humorless laugh.

"You've always been a leader, Dean. And it's not fair, but that means you have more responsibilities than just beating the enemy. It's just as important what happens afterward."

"I can't—I can't think about that."

"Why not?"

"Because... because then I might want to stay." Dean shook his head. "But I can't. I can't live with what I've done. What I am."

Sam sat next to Dean again and put his hand on his shoulder. "Dean, you're my brother. That's the most important thing you've ever been or ever will be. If you want me to keep you from going over the edge, I will. I'll do whatever you need me to do. Always."

* * *

**This chapter was so much fun to write. I loved getting back to the brothers again. **


	55. The Sound of Drums

**Chapter Fifty-Four "The Sound of Drums"**

Dean had left Cas and Meg in charge of training for the rest of the morning. Kevin was still hard at work in the library, and Dean was glad to find him alone. As he entered, Dean felt that strange cold sensation for a moment, but it was gone quickly. He'd figure that out later.

"How's the death training going?" Kevin asked as he scribbled some unfamiliar marking on a scrap of note paper.

"Well, Sam handed me my ass, so that's promising," Dean said.

Kevin looked up with raised eyebrows. "First time that's happened?"

"Unless you count the times he was evil."

"A Winchester is not to be messed with. Under any circumstances."

Dean leaned against the table next to Kevin. "About that," he said. "Have you found anything about my..."

"Superpowers? A little." Kevin turned back to the tablet. "It's vague on exactly how they work, and I think it's supposed to just be the Alpha. He must be doing something to pass on his power to his... well, it calls them his sons or children."

"Yeah, I've heard him say that." Dean crossed his arms. "So how much of his power can he give away?"

Kevin shrugged. "I don't know if there's a limit. It doesn't sound like it. He's able to communicate simultaneously with every vampire on the planet. That's not the kind of power that goes away."

"And we don't know how many of these 'sons' he has." Dean stared across the room at the bookshelves, trying to think of a way around this.

"We know there's you, and the one you killed."

"Crowley said there were more."

"And you believe him?"

"He's planning on fighting with us, so I think he's being upfront about it."

"What exactly made you think this was a good idea?"

"Crowley wants to be on the side of whoever's going to win, and he thinks that's me."

"Or maybe he's betting on you because he doesn't like the alternative."

"That too."

"He's got a weird attachment to you."

"I know. But I can use that."

"Just so long as you know he's using you too. He's always using you."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. So does that think tell you anything about how to _use _these powers?"

Kevin dug through some of his notes. "Not exactly. It sounds like the Alpha just comes by it naturally. For someone he's turned to use the same power seems like it would require a lot of practice."

"That's what the guy in Colorado said. And if they're all capable of doing what he did to Benny, I need to know how to stop them."

"I'll keep looking into it. In the meantime, though, I think _you _should start practicing."

**~oOo~**

Since the previous night, Benny's condition had been steadily improving. When he first came out of the coma from Hell, he felt drained and weak, but a few doses of blood and plenty of rest left him wanting to get moving again. He could tell that Lenore was exhausted though. She hadn't slept the whole time he was down, not that he would have if it had been her. But by mid-morning, they were both up and ready to face the outside world. There was just one small thing they had avoided talking about until now.

Lenore was sitting on the end of the bed as Benny came in from showering. She didn't really look at him, and he knew what she had to be thinking. Part of him had always known this subject would come up, but he thought it would be much further in the future.

"You never told me," Lenore said as she twisted her hands in her lap, tying knots in invisible string.

"About my family," Benny said. "No, I didn't."

"All that time we were alone, and I told you about—about Charles. I asked if you had anyone before."

"I never had a mate as a vampire. I died to my human family. In a way, they died to me long before they were dead."

Lenore finally looked up at Benny. "But your daughter is alive. Still out there somewhere."

Benny sat down next to her. "What difference does it make? I'm not the father she knew."

"She saved you."

"Maybe she shouldn't have."

"Don't—don't talk like that, like it doesn't matter, like living isn't important."

Benny put his arm around Lenore, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Living only matters because of you," he said. "Everything else is..."

Lenore shook her head. "No, you know that's not true. We were together before, but we came here because something else matters. It's not just about us. Family is all a nest is. It's something we need even if we're monsters. Just because you died a few times doesn't mean the past does."

Benny leaned over and kissed the top of Lenore's head. "How do you do that?" he whispered into her hair.

"Do what?" she asked, pulled back to look him in the eye.

"Always know what to say."

"I save it up. That's why I'm quiet most of the time."

Benny smiled. "I don't know what's going to happen," he said. "With Rose and Elizabeth. Maybe when all this is over... I don't know. They might be better off if I stay away."

Lenore nodded. "I know we carry danger with us. And even if we kill the Alpha, hunters aren't just going to stop hating vampires. I'm not saying you should have some kind of public reunion. But you could always check on them—make sure they're okay."

Dean knocked on the door, interrupting the conversation. Benny could hear and smell him coming down the hall the whole time Lenore was speaking.

"Come in," Benny said, letting go of Lenore and standing.

Dean came through the door with a thoughtful look on his face as if his mind were elsewhere. "Look who's still alive," he said with a forced smile.

"Who exactly do I thank for that?" Benny asked.

"Sam and Cas made the trip. They also helped Kevin translate the tablet to find the cure, so..."

Benny smiled ironically. "My biggest fans."

Dean looked uncomfortable, like he didn't want to say the next thing that came out of his mouth. "The cure didn't solve all of our problems, though," he began. "We still need to get a handle on this mind control thing. It's not a question of if it happens again, but who's doing it."

"So you wanna get in our heads to keep the rest out?"

"That's the short version."

Lenore stood and came to stand beside Benny. "We don't have much choice, do we?" she asked. "It's this or hide out until it's over."

"Pretty much," Dean said. "We can't let them get control of either of you."

"Do we know how many?" Benny asked.

"Not really. Crowley said there were more, and it sounded like a lot."

"And you think he's being straight with you?"

"I think he's playing the side that serves his ends, and right now, that's me. Crowley's not a problem. This—" Dean gestured between the three of them. "—this is the problem."

"So what's your plan?"

"I've been working on trying to get everyone else ready—they're not. But I think I need to do the same with you. If you're feeling up to it, we could work on it this afternoon. We don't have much time."

Benny shook his head in resignation. "Don't think I'll ever be ready for that, but we gotta do it."

"I'm sorry," Dean said. "If there was some other way—"

"It's the way it has to be. We've trusted you this far."

Dean looked Benny in the eye for the first time since this conversation started. "Thank you," he said.

**~oOo~**

Dean was about to check on the progress of the training outside when he ran into the entire group coming down the stairs.

"What's this?" Dean demanded.

Jody patted him on the shoulder twice as she passed. "Humans gotta eat," she said.

"They insisted on coming in for lunch," Cas explained.

Annie and Charlie followed Jody down the hall, and Meg came to stand beside Cas at the bottom of the stairs. Emma was nowhere in sight.

Meg seemed to notice Dean looking around for her. "She disappeared just after you did. Guess she wasn't interested in pretend fighting."

Dean frowned. "She's not in the bunker," he said.

"Are you certain?" Cas asked.

Dean shook his head. "Her scent is residual."

"You really should talk to her," Meg said. "If you can find her."

"I know," Dean replied. "I was waiting for the right time."

"Looks like this is it."

"Okay." Dean looked around the otherwise empty war room. "As soon as they're done eating, I want you two to get everyone back out there. Even Kevin, if you can pull him away."

"What are you thinking?" Cas asked.

"We don't have a lot of time. Crowley's found the Alpha, so we have to move in a couple days at the most."

"Though I disagree with the idea on principle, you do have the advantage of an army of demons fighting with you. Perhaps our weaker members won't need to fight."

"I'm not expecting them to be on the front lines with us. I just want them to be able to fight if they have to. We can't assume anyone's safe."

"What about the angels?"

"What about them?"

"Gadreel promised his help. I don't know exactly what he meant by that, but the presence of Crowley's forces may persuade him otherwise."

"Go talk to him tonight. I can make sure Crowley's people leave them alone if they can promise the same."

"It's like the Battle of the Five Armies."

"What?"

"From _The Hobbit_. The—never mind."

Dean gave Cas an amused look. He sometimes forgot that the angel had all that knowledge stuffed in his head by Metatron.

"It's like that, only worse," Dean said.

"The apocalypse all over again," Meg said with a smile.

Cas turned to her with a confused stare. "I think you're enjoying this too much," he said.

Dean shook his head and started up the stairs. "I'll meet you outside later," he called back, not waiting for a reply.

Not that he got one. Meg and Cas were deep in conversation by the time he left the building. Once outside, Dean took in the variety of scents that filled the air. There were faint hints of the rest of the humans as well as the strange mix of sulfur and grace. Emma's scent was strongest, though, and Dean quickly picked up her trail. He passed Sam's garden again, which was looking rather sad from neglect, and continued on up the hill. The not quite human smell got stronger the further he went.

It wasn't until Dean reached the top of the hill that he saw Emma. She was sitting at the base of a tree, looking out over the landscape. She must have heard him approaching, but she didn't acknowledge him.

Dean considered the many things that could be going through her head right now. She had been acting distant ever since they got back, and Dean was almost certain she hadn't slept at all. He knew part of it was being worried about Benny, but there was something else too. Something she didn't want to share.

Dean decided he wasn't going to push. He knew that's what his own dad would have done, and what he was strongly inclined to do himself, but demanding to know what was going on didn't seem like the best way to get through to Emma.

So, Dean sat down next to her, leaning against the tree and looking out in the direction she had been staring. The trees were all gray and leafless, a lot like Purgatory. But here, the sun peaked through the clouds, and lit up the last of the red and yellow dropped leaves on the ground. The only sounds were the soft whistle of breeze through the canopy and Emma's breathing. If Dean listened harder, though, he could hear her heart beating faster than normal.

She finally spoke in a shaky voice. "I don't know how to say this. I don't know if you'll understand."

Dean was pretty sure he wouldn't. "Well," he said, "give me the chance to try."

Emma turned her head and looked at him thoughtfully. "It's not the sort of thing—I wouldn't really expect—what I mean is... Don't hate me."

Dean shook his head. "Not gonna happen."

"And it's not any kind of reflection on you, but—" Emma faced away from Dean again "—I don't want to fight."

Whatever Dean had been expecting, this was not it. He didn't even know what to think of that. Emma had always been a warrior in his mind, too strong to really need him. That was one of the reasons he had never been sure what being her father really meant.

"You don't want to fight," Dean repeated, as if trying to make sense of the words.

"I—I don't want to kill anyone."

It all started to make sense then. Dean had watched the agony and conflict in his daughter's eyes when she made the choice to kill her mother instead of him. He watched her fall apart after that, the nightmares, the fear of dying.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you," Dean said, hoping that was the right thing.

"If that's all I was afraid of, I'd fight harder," Emma said. "I don't want to kill anyone because... because I don't want to."

Dean suddenly realized that Emma was telling him something he never had the courage to say to his own father. He hadn't always wanted to be a part of this life either, but he never had a choice. But did Emma have that luxury now?

"I'm not saying I wanna be normal or anything," Emma went on. "I know that's not possible. I just don't want to be the one who makes that choice for someone else. Who live, who dies. I don't know how you do it."

Dean thought about that. He often avoided questions such as these because he didn't like where they lead, but he needed to get to the truth for Emma.

"Years of practice," he finally said. "Starting out, I was scared. But I trusted my dad, maybe more than I should have. He told me that monsters were everywhere and we had to fight them because people would die otherwise. I grew up believing he was a hero, trying to believe I was too. In the end... he was just a man. He was as scared as I was. He did the best he could, but—well, he wasn't always right."

"I don't wanna let people die," Emma said. "But I—I don't believe in it the way you do, I guess. And if I go out there and fight vampires when I don't really believe in it—"

"You'll end up getting killed."

"One way or another," Emma agreed. "I'm not sure where this leaves us."

That was an understatement. Here they were preparing for a huge battle, and Dean had to figure out what to do with Emma while that was going on, where she would be safe. He knew she could defend herself, but he didn't want to put her in a position where she had to. If she wanted out of this life of constant death and loss, he was going to do whatever he could to make that happen. Exactly what that would be was the question.

* * *

**I'm going to be out of town next weekend without Internet access, so the next chapter will be posted either early Thursday morning or Saturday night, depending on when I finish it.**


	56. Don't Blink

**Chapter Fifty-Five "Don't Blink"**

A cool breeze picked up, and Emma stood, brushing the dirt from her jeans. Dean followed her. For a moment, they stood there, not really looking at each other.

"Guess you have stuff to do now," Emma said.

"Yeah," Dean replied, unsure of where this was going.

Emma nodded. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. Dean felt the air leaving his lungs. It had been a long time since he had felt this kind of embrace, that suffocating feeling he always got from Sam. No one was strong enough to make him feel that way anymore. Except Emma.

Another realization, this one much larger than the last, hit Dean as he held his daughter in his arms: he had never done this before. He hadn't gotten to hold her as a baby and watch her grow up, holding her hand as she learned to walk. It was a strange feeling to be suddenly aware of everything he had lost. He didn't want to let her go and walk back down the hill. He didn't want this to be over. Her scent had changed. It was so subtle that Dean hadn't noticed it until now. She smelled more human.

The breeze turned colder, and Dean felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He took a step back, releasing his hold on Emma.

"Did you feel that?"

"What?" she asked.

"The cold?"

She shrugged. "I thought it was just, you know, all the emotions."

Dean shook his head. "There's something out there."

Dean looked around the thin woods surrounding them. There was nothing to see. But he smelled something. It was like smoke and leather.

"Who are you?" he asked under his breath.

"Dad?" She had only called him that twice before.

Dean turned back to face Emma who was looking more than a little freaked out. "It's a ghost," he said. "I've felt it in the bunker too."

"Not Kevin?"

Dean shook his head. "It's different."

"It must be someone who died around here, right? Isn't that how ghosts work?"

"Mostly. There could be some object or person it's attached to."

"But it hasn't done anything."

Dean nodded and looked around again. "We should go back," he said.

"Yeah," Emma agreed half-heartedly.

"Come on." Dean held out his arm.

Emma seemed confused for a moment, then she ducked under Dean's arm letting it rest across her shoulders. They walked together like that down the hill to the flat spot where everyone was gathered.

Sam had managed to get Kevin out of the library, and the young prophet looked much paler in the natural light. Dean didn't feel anything like he had before in Kevin's presence. There was no chill or strange scent. He was just Kevin, slightly less solid.

Everyone waited silently as Dean and Emma approached. When they came in sight of the others, Emma pulled away from Dean, and they walked with space between them. Dean felt cold again, but not because of a ghost. He wished someone would say something. The feeling of everyone's eyes on him made him nervous. But this was a solemn moment. He knew what he had to do, and so did everyone else. He avoided looking at Benny and Lenore until he absolutely had to.

Kevin fished a piece of paper out of his pocket. "This is all I found so far," he said, handing it to Dean.

In Kevin's neat handwriting was a short list of facts about vampire mind control. Dean had to resist the urge to crumple the paper and never look at it. This was the only way to keep his friends safe. He had already seen how bad things could get with Benny, and there was no way he planned on reliving that.

"Okay," Dean said loudly enough for everyone to hear him. "Let's get started."

**~oOo~**

Watching had become her job, and it was one Lenore took very seriously. She had known for a long time that things weren't all right with Dean, and as a result with Benny and herself. The three of them shared a connection that wasn't human, wasn't nice. It was a base, animalistic sensibility that united them. It could make them stronger, but it also made them dangerous. She had felt the pressure of Dean's control before, but this would be much different. What had felt like an intrusion before would be nothing compared to what was about to happen.

Lenore could practically smell Dean's reluctance. He hated what he was and the things he was able to do. But he had to push through. He had to become the monster he was so afraid of. Lenore knew that his control over her and Benny would make them the same thing, extensions of his bloodlust and rage of which they had plenty of their own.

It began simply enough. Dean had Benny and Lenore stand at his right and left, a few feet apart. Across from them, he had Sam, Castiel, and Meg as their opponents. Lenore had heard about Sam's amazing victory over his brother earlier, but she did not expect a repeat performance. And this time, Sam was facing her. Dean was up against Meg and Benny against Castiel. Lenore did wonder about the arrangement, but she didn't ask.

Sam was faster than she expected, especially considering his size, but she had the advantage of being much smaller as well as Dean feeding her information. He wasn't controlling her yet, just entering her mind and guiding her. She could feel the strong connection between all three of them. It was different than before; they were closer somehow. There was still a certain amount of discomfort which would only increase. Lenore did her best to ignore it as the fight began.

It was easy enough to dodge Sam without Dean's help, but it was nice to know where his weak spots were. Not that she had found any opportunity to exploit them yet. Sam's speed combined with his long reach made it difficult to land so much as a glancing blow. Lenore thought back to her time alone in Purgatory. She didn't know how she had managed to survive so long with bigger and stronger monsters around, but she had a system. She didn't draw attention to herself, didn't get into fights she couldn't win. She never would have gone up against Sam if she had the choice. Running wasn't an option now, though.

Lenore kept moving as if the ground were falling beneath her feet. She stayed out of Sam's reach, watching for an opening. If she moved fast enough she could knock him down. But he was much stronger now than that boy she kidnapped almost ten years ago. Even if he went down, he wouldn't give up. She would have to pin him, and his size would make for a challenge.

Lenore felt Dean pushing something into her head. One moment she was analyzing her options, and the next she was moving, almost against her will. She wasn't cognitively aware of what she was doing, but the way her body reacted was pure instinct—something she had avoided for a long time.

Sam was momentarily shocked by her aggression, which gave her about half a second to seize the advantage. She didn't think at all as she ran at him, driving her shoulder into his stomach. Sam went down as his lungs deflated, and Lenore went with him, jumping on his chest so that his arms were held down against his sides. She put her hands around his throat, but not tight enough to seriously hurt him.

When he caught his breath, Sam fought back. He struggled under Lenore's weight. He pushed himself up with his legs, giving his arms room to move. Before Lenore knew what had happened, she was the one lying on her back with Sam's hands on _her _throat. She clawed at his arms, scraping the skin, but he didn't let go. She tried to twist her body away from him, but Sam was even stronger than she had realized. He wasn't letting go, and she was quickly becoming dizzy from lack of oxygen.

She almost thought she would black out before something large and fast slammed into Sam, knocking him off her. For a moment, it was like the world went on without her. There were noises of shouting and growling and fists hitting flesh. By the time Lenore sat up, rubbing her sore neck, there was a real fight going on. Benny's teeth were inches away from Sam's throat. Castiel jumped in and wrestled Benny away from Sam which earned him a punch in the face. The angel wasn't the least bit fazed.

Lenore got shakily to her feet. Before she could get to Benny to let him know she was okay, something else happened. She couldn't move at all. It was as if her whole body shut off. She couldn't even think straight. It only lasted a moment, and when reality settled in again, Dean was standing next to Castiel, between Benny and Sam. Meg was off to the side looking somewhat amused.

"I don't think this was such a good idea," Castiel said quietly.

"We have to get ready." Dean argued.

"I'm sure that will be useful when we all kill each other." Castiel looked at Benny who was still glaring at Sam.

"I'm okay," Lenore said, though her voice was still breathy and strained. She looked at Sam as she said it, letting him know everything was all right. He didn't look like he believed her, though.

"Perhaps this isn't the way to go about it," Castiel suggested.

Dean nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, everybody else keep practicing," he said. Then he looked at Benny and Lenore. "We're gonna work on some stuff."

"You really think that's the problem?" Benny asked. There was an edge to his voice, like a verbal growl.

"I think we don't need to know how to fight them." Dean looked at Cas and Sam. "Go on. We don't have a lot of time."

Dean started walking away, and Lenore felt herself following him a bit reluctantly. Benny walked along beside her and put his hand on her arm as if to be sure she really was okay. She had never seen him angry like this. But then, he had never seen her in such apparent danger since they came back. They would probably have to talk about this later.

**~oOo~**

Sam wouldn't make eye contact as Castiel looked him over for any injuries. There was blood dripping down his hands from where Lenore had scratched him, but he didn't seem hurt otherwise. Still, something was off. He was losing control of himself when he fought. It had been the same with Dean.

"Are you all right, Sam?" Castiel asked.

They were nearly alone now, since Meg had gone back to where the rest of the group was gathered. No one was listening.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know what's happening, Cas," he said. "It's like I'm fine until I... until I'm not. Maybe it's that Leviathan stuff still in me. Gadreel said it was evil."

Castiel touched Sam's shoulder and tried to find any hint of remaining darkness. There was none. "There's nothing evil in you, Sam," he said.

"But there's something."

Castiel looked harder, searching for anything foreign. "I see... light," he finally said. "It's almost like..." Castiel let go of Sam's arm. "There is something of Gadreel still in you. I thought it was all gone when we extracted his grace, but maybe when he healed you..."

"Great." Sam sighed. "I've got angel juice that makes me kill people."

"I don't think that's what's happening. I think it's making you stronger, but you don't realize how strong you are until it manifests itself."

"Don't be afraid to use it," Sam said, almost to himself.

"What?"

"It was a weird dream I had. My—someone told me not to be afraid to use it."

"This power?"

"I can't think of what else it could mean."

"It is curious. I should ask Gadreel if he knows what it means."

"You think he did this on purpose?" Sam sounded offended.

"It could be an unintended side effect of him healing you. The fact that you're a very powerful vessel means that you may be more sensitive to these things."

Sam looked over to where Meg was teaching Annie how to hold a knife. He seemed to Castiel to become very distant all of the sudden, as if his mind were very far away.

"I shouldn't fight anymore," he said. "Not for practice anyway. I'm gonna go help Kevin with translations or something."

"Kevin is here," Castiel said.

Sam pulled the ring out of his pocket. "Not for long."

* * *

**Well, I ended up not going out of town because I got sick, so it still took me a while to finish this chapter.**


	57. Hide

**Chapter Fifty-Six "Hide"**

The bunker was strangely quiet for the first time in what seemed like forever. Sam was taken back to the months he and Cas inhabited the place alone. All that time, he had felt as if he were spinning out of control, though he didn't realize it. Since Dean had been back, life was almost normal again. But now, Sam felt that familiar lack of control creeping back. Only this time it wasn't the world around him in chaos; it was his own head. Everything from the dreams and the eerie chills to his new-found strength was another weight on Sam's mind.

He needed to think about something else. Anything else.

Kevin hadn't asked questions when Sam said they should go back to work on the vampire tablet. He probably preferred to be doing that anyway. Sam knew they should check the angel tablet for information on his condition, but they could do that later. Dean still needed help with his mind control powers, and that was something Sam could think about without feeling like he was going to explode.

"I think I translated most of the relevant parts," Kevin said. "But there are some that could do with clarification." He dug through his notes and pulled out a few wrinkled pages.

"It looks like Dean could use some more help," Sam said.

"Or he just let it happen." Kevin shrugged.

"What?"

"Well, I mean, you were going kind of psycho."

"That's not—let's just see what we can dig up, okay?"

"Sure." Kevin's chair scooted out without him touching it, and he sat down.

"What did you find out about the mind control thing so far?" Sam asked.

Kevin leaned back and peaked his fingers. "It involves a lot of trial and error," he said. "Vampire neurology is... different. Theoretically, Dean can do whatever the Alpha can do, but the Alpha has had millennia of practice."

"And we don't even know the extent of his powers. Dean might because he's experienced it, but that doesn't help us here."

"We can keep looking, but I really think this is something Dean will have to figure out."

Sam sighed and sunk down into a chair across from Kevin. He felt a shiver run through his body and the little hairs on his arms stood up.

"Was that you?" Sam asked, casting a suspicious glance at Kevin.

"Was what me?" Kevin asked absently, skimming through his notes without really reading them.

"That cold spot. I felt it before. It's like there's another spirit hanging around here."

"I think I would know if there was." Kevin still didn't look at Sam.

"Yeah, you would," Sam replied, noting that Kevin didn't actually answer his question.

The chair turned of its own accord and Kevin looked at Sam. "You should clean up," he said, eyeing the blood on Sam's hands and cuffs.

Sam nodded unenthusiastically, "Sure," he said, standing again. "Let me know if you find anything."

It was probably just his imagination, but Sam was sure he could feel Kevin's eyes on him as he left the library. The prickling feeling at the back of his neck didn't leave until he reached the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

**~oOo~**

When he heard a door open and close, Kevin let out the breath he had been holding. He didn't actually have to breathe, but there was some kind of principle to it.

"Stop doing that," he whispered, still afraid someone might hear.

"_Sam needs to know I'm here,"_ the obscure voice replied. It seemed as if it were emanating from the books surrounding Kevin.

"Then why not show yourself to him?"

"_Not like that."_

"Like what then? Cas is suspicious too. It's only a matter of time—"

"_Time is almost up. I'll manifest soon. Dean knows I'm here too."_

"What am I supposed to tell them?"

"_The truth—partly. That you don't know who I am."_

"They'll think the worst."

"_I would expect nothing less."_ The voice almost spoke fondly.

"And you're not going to tell me who you are?

"_It's better if you don't know."_

"Why do I trust you?"

"_Because deep down, you're a good person, Kevin. I've helped you, and you think that earns me some trust. I've never given you a reason to doubt me, and you're not the sort of person who doubts as your default."_

"You'd think after getting killed, I'd reevaluate my position on trusting people."

"_We don't change when we're dead. We just... refine what was already there."_

"That's really depressing."

"_You have no idea."_

**~oOo~**

The woods seemed darker down the hill past Sam's garden. Dean turned to the side and kept walking through the trees until the silence got to be too much for him.

"We have to do something about this," he said, stopping in a thicker bunch of trees.

"You may have mentioned that," Benny replied, keeping his tone even, though Dean knew he was still on edge.

"We're not fighting them—we're fighting... ourselves. How did you break free of it the first time?"

Benny looked hesitant to answer at first. He glanced over at Lenore and then back at Dean. "Someone was about to die," he said.

"Okay." Dean paced a couple of steps. "Okay, we can use that, that instinct. Yeah..."

_He's losing it,_ Benny thought.

"I heard that," Dean snapped.

"Okay... _lost _it." Benny crossed his arms. "It ain't you, Dean, getting into people's heads. You don't work that way."

"Because I'm what, the blunt instrument? No subtlety, no brains..."

"That's not what I meant."

"But it's what everyone expects. First my dad, then the angels, Crowley, the Alpha. I have to be better than that. I have to be smarter."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"Like I said: instincts. We're all trying to protect someone. Now, they've always used that as a way to get to us, a weakness, but maybe if we—I don't know—put it all together, we can turn it around on them."

"Protecting people makes us stronger," Lenore agreed, nodding thoughtfully.

"How does that keep us from getting hijacked by the others?" Benny asked.

"You were able to break free because someone was in danger. Now, if _I'm_ the one in control, _telling _you to protect the people around you, they won't be able to get to you."

"You sure about that?"

"We need to test it."

"How?" Lenore asked.

Dean pulled out his phone. He had four missed calls from Crowley which made it easy to call him back. After a moment, Crowley answered.

"Took you long enough," he said.

"Yeah, I need a couple a of vampires," Dean said. "Preferably first generations."

"Crazy as that sounds, you may be in luck. The Alpha is moving his forces, small groups at a time, in your general direction. There are at least two of the Alpha's pets fifty miles from you."

"Can you get them here?"

"What exactly are you thinking?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"No, but I'm curious. Do you want to end this or have a slumber party with your new brothers and sisters?"

"I need to test a theory. Get me the two vampires, and we'll be ready to fight in twenty-four hours."

"Fine. You'll have them by nightfall."

"Perfect." Dean hung up. "Now we need some bait."

Benny and Lenore exchanged worried looks before following Dean back in the direction of the bunker.

**~oOo~**

The day was wearing late, and everyone was thoroughly worn out when Castiel made the executive decision to end the training session. Things were looking a little better, but he still had a disturbing vision of everyone getting killed when the real fighting started. He knew they were better prepared than that, but someone had to think of the worst case scenarios since Dean, in a strange turn of events, had decided to become an optimist.

It wasn't as if there weren't plenty of other things to worry about, such as Sam's unexpected ability to nearly rip vampires' heads off, the strange presence in the bunker that others _must _have noticed by now, or the fact that Emma had suddenly decided to be helpful. After Dean left with Benny and Lenore, Emma had started helping Meg teach the others about weapons and fighting styles. It was quite the change from her sullen and avoidant attitude earlier in the day.

Even more strange, when they returned to the bunker, Emma lingered inside the doorway as Castiel came in behind the others.

"You know, I never thanked you," she said quietly.

Castiel tilted his head and stared at her curiously. "For what?" he asked.

"You know, saving me. Back in California. When I was shot."

"Oh, um, it was nothing."

"I know. I mean, I know it's not hard for you to heal people, but... thanks."

Castiel nodded, noting how awkward this was for her. "Of course," he said.

Emma turned and headed down the stairs, following the other humans who were all talking about food. He remembered when eating was a joy and envied them a little. But he saw something in that little moment that he hadn't realized about Emma. As terrifying as she could be in a fight, she was still a child when it came to humanity. He knew those feelings of awkwardness and confusion all too well. She was trying to find her place in all this, just as each of them was in their own way. Castiel could only hope that she and the others would have the chance to live in a world that wasn't tainted by fear and bloodshed every day.

Finally, Castiel took the stairs down to the main level. Meg was waiting for him with a quizzical look on her face.

"What were you thinking so hard about?" she asked.

"Everything," Castiel answered truthfully. A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, though he wasn't sure where it came from.

"Should I be worried?" Meg raised her eyebrows.

"Probably," he replied. "But I don't think you will be."

"Guess you know me a little too well."

"That's not possible."

**~oOo~**

By the time Sam had cleaned his wounds, changed, and put his bloody clothes in the laundry, everyone had come back to the bunker. He found Jody teaching Emma to make cheese sauce while Charlie and Annie played a card game at the table. Sam moved over near the stove.

"You guys need any help?" he asked.

Emma turned and held up the spoon in her hand. "Taste this and make sure it's not terrible," she said.

Sam gave her a skeptical look and decided it was safe enough to risk it. "It's good," he said. "What's it for?"

"Macaroni. Not the kind that comes from a box, apparently."

"Here." Jody handed Sam a package of bacon. "Can't make food for this lot without including meat."

Sam found a cutting board and a knife and started cutting the bacon into little pieces for the macaroni. He seemed to remember Dean making something like this a year or two ago.

"You're not just saying that?" Emma asked as she moved the sauce away from the heat.

"What?" Sam asked.

"That it's good."

"No. I wouldn't just say that. I mean, I do say stupid things sometimes, but that's not one of them."

Emma looked up at him curiously. She must have known what he was talking about. "Yeah," she agreed. "I guess everyone says stupid things sometimes."

Emma handed Sam another pan for the bacon, and that was it. They were okay. It was a lot like it used to be with Dean when they were younger. They didn't have to explain things or say they were sorry. They just knew. Sam wondered when exactly his brother had changed and how Emma had learned that sort of communication if he had.

Sam finished cooking the bacon, and Jody put everything together in a baking dish. The sounds and smells of the kitchen felt like a memory Sam never had. He was surrounded by people he considered family, but he may have just realized what that meant. They had all been living together for a while now, but one way or another, that was about to change. Looking around, Sam knew that he didn't want to lose this—not when he finally knew how it felt to have a family.

As if on cue, Dean appeared in the doorway. He didn't say anything, but he looked directly at Sam and didn't have to. Everything that was going wrong at the moment suddenly came back to Sam. He knew they would have to deal with it sooner rather than later.

As he followed Dean out into the hallway, Sam thought this was becoming something of a habit.

"About earlier—" Sam started.

"Forget it," Dean said.

Sam could feel the look of surprise on his face. "Forget it?"

"Okay, don't, but that's not what I wanted to ask you."

"You wanted to ask me something?"

"Yeah, and you can say no." Dean was speaking hurriedly as if he felt bad about asking at all.

"Dean, whatever it is—"

"I need you to stand outside in the dark while two vampires try to kill you."

"O—kay..."

"It's not like they'll get the chance, but we need something to protect."

"You're making less sense than normal."

"I figured out what I was doing wrong, why I couldn't control Benny when he went after you. His instinct to protect Lenore was stronger than me. But I can use that when we fight the real enemy. We just have to test it."

"So, I'm the bait?"

"It's not like you can't hold your own. We've seen that. But if you really don't want to do it—"

"Dean, it's fine. I'm not worried."

Dean stared at Sam for a long moment, as if trying to read his thoughts. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

Sam stared back, unsure of how to respond at first. "Why would you even think you had to ask?" he finally said.

"I just... wanted to know. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you." Dean was talking about more than just this little exercise, but it was something they weren't talking about at the moment.

"I'm not letting anything happen to you either," Sam said.

Dean had a familiar look in his eyes that said he appreciated that but he would never admit to it.

"So, when are we doing this?" Sam asked.

"Crowley's bringing the test subjects after dark, so go ahead and have dinner. I'll get you when we're ready."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I gotta talk to Kevin about something."

"If it's what I think it is, he's not talking."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "You've noticed it too?"

"Yeah. I think Kevin knows something, but he's acting like he doesn't."

"Maybe you just haven't been persuasive enough."

"Just no salting and burning, okay? Remember, he's our friend."

Dean smiled. "I wouldn't think of it."

As Dean turned and headed toward the library, Sam felt the ring in his pocket, just to be sure.

* * *

**It's all coming together. The end is near. I really mean it this time.**


	58. Day of the Moon

**Chapter Fifty-Seven "Day of the Moon"**

Sounds of laughter and clinking silverware echoed through the halls as Dean walked away from the kitchen. He was beginning to forget the way it felt to sit down at a table full of people and enjoy a meal together. A bunch of vampires drinking blood from plastic bags just didn't have the same warm atmosphere. The noises began to fade as Dean approached the library. He could still pick out the little sigh at the end of Annie's laugh and the scuffing of Sam's shoes on the floor, but it all lost something from the distance, like it wasn't real, like it was just a bunch of static in his head.

The closer Dean got to Kevin, the colder he felt. It was like whatever was haunting the place wasn't even trying to hide anymore. Kevin had to know something. And there had to be a reason he hadn't brought it up.

Kevin was focused on his work when Dean came into the library. He looked up briefly before going back to one of the translation books. Dean walked around the room, running his hand along the edge of a bookshelf, reading the titles of the books he'd seen a thousand times before and read more times than he wanted to remember. Eventually, he pulled out a chair across from Kevin and sat down. He looked at the stack of books in the middle of the table, all relating to vampires or ancient languages.

"So, you gonna introduce your friend?" Dean asked, still looking at the books.

Ghosts didn't have to breathe, but Dean could hear Kevin's sharp intake of air anyway.

Dean turned his attention fully to Kevin. "It's gotten really obvious," he said. "And there's no way you don't know, so..."

"It's kinda hard to explain," Kevin said.

"We could start with a name."

"I'm going with Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Dean's eyes narrowed. "You don't know who it is?"

"It's just a voice. No one I know."

"And you just thought—what? You'd keep it to yourself?"

"How was I supposed to explain mystery ghost?"

"Like that."

"I know what you're gonna say."

"Do you? Really?" Dean raised his eyebrows, daring Kevin convince him.

"That I shouldn't trust it?" Kevin said. "That it's not safe. But I don't know what I'd be if—Dean, this is why I'm not going vengeful right now, how I'm able to control myself. He taught me how to keep sane."

"He?"

"I think it's a he." Kevin shrugged. "I could be wrong."

"So, what does he want?"

"To help you."

Dean scoffed. "You buy that?"

"I didn't expect you to understand. That's why I never said anything."

"Kevin, this is... insane."

Kevin nodded. "He said you'd say that."

"Is he talking to you right now?"

"More like hovering. He does that a lot. It's annoying." Kevin turned his head from side to side with a frown, as if searching for the irritation.

"You're really not worried about this?"

"I'm really not. And you know how you asked me to trust you right before Gadreel killed me."

Dean winced at the reminder. "Yeah."

"Well, I promise this won't be like that. It took me a while, but I learned to trust you; now you have to trust me."

Dean regarded Kevin with a long, hard look. Trust was the last thing Dean ever gave anyone. It was the most Kevin could ask for. And Dean owed him. That didn't make it any easier.

"Okay," he finally said. "This is on you. Whatever happens."

Kevin smiled in surprise. "I guess people do change," he said.

**~oOo~**

All through dinner, Emma observed Sam's mood darkening. He almost seemed like he was happy earlier, but ever since he came back from talking with Dean, he hadn't said more than two words and ate mechanically. Of course, everything that involved those two brothers seemed fraught with mood whiplash, but Emma found herself unable to ignore it anymore. Something was worrying Sam, and she was going to find out what it was.

Emma was glad she had volunteered to help make dinner because it released her from dish duty, so when Sam got up from the table and left the room, she followed him. He didn't appear to notice her presence until they got to the end of the hallway where the tile floor went down two steps into the war room.

"What?" Sam said, turning around suddenly.

Emma's first instinct was to back away and pretend this never happened. Sam just had that effect on her. But acting against instinct was becoming a regular thing for her.

"Something's wrong," she said, doing her best to mask the unease she was feeling.

"Something is always wrong," Sam replied, seeming a bit amused.

"Yes, but I care now, and it's really uncomfortable."

"It's nothing you need to worry about."

Emma wasn't sure whether to take this as reassuring or dismissive. "I'm not sure that helps," she said.

"I've just got a lot on my mind, and Dean wants me to play bait for a couple of supervamps."

Emma's eyes widened. "That sounds really stupid."

"I'll be fine."

"Maybe I should come with you."

Sam actually looked like he wanted to laugh. "Really, it's okay."

Emma frowned and stared into Sam's face, trying to determine what was bothering him so much of not this. As usual, his hazel eyes were unreadable to her.

"I'm coming with you," she said more forcefully. "Just in case."

"Emma—"

"I don't like arguing. It's pointless and stressful. And you can't really stop me."

Sam gazed down at her with a mix of curiosity and humor in his eyes. "You know, arguing is something people do. You can't really stop that either."

**~oOo~**

The text tone on Dean's phone let him know the time had come. Crowley was outside with the vampires, ready to let them loose. As he walked out into the war room, Dean found Sam and Emma waiting there, looking at him expectantly.

"I'm coming too," Emma said matter-of-factly.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Unless you think my scent will be a problem."

Dean shook his head. "It's not. You smell human."

"You—you never told me that before."

"That's because it's awkward to tell people how they smell."

"Never stopped you with me," Sam muttered.

"You ready?" Dean asked, trying to get back on topic. He was anxious for this to be over.

Sam didn't say anything but spread his hands, palms up, as if it should be obvious.

Dean inhaled slowly through his nose, and sent out a thought: _Time to go—bring the dart guns._

"What is it?" Sam asked, looking confused.

"What?" Dean replied.

"You—you had a face."

"I was concentrating."

At that moment, Benny and Lenore appeared in the doorway from the hall.

"You couldn't just _walk_?" Benny asked, gesturing back down the hall.

"Just practicing," Dean said.

"What do we need these for?" Lenore asked, holding up the two dart guns.

Dean nodded at Sam and Emma. "Just in case," he said.

Lenore crossed the room to hand over the guns.

"You're not armed," Emma said as she took one of them.

"We don't need to be," Dean said.

"Have I said this is a stupid idea?" Sam asked.

"Twice."

"I gotta agree," Benny said, though the sour expression on his face said he didn't like to admit it.

"I'm not forcing anyone to go out there," Dean said.

"No, stupid is kinda our way," Sam said. "I told you I'd go."

"Okay. If no one else wants to stay behind, let's go."

Just as he expected, everyone followed Dean up the stairs to the door. He sometimes wished they didn't go along with everything so easily. He had seen how things turned out when people relied on him that much, when they trusted him. Dean put that thought out of his mind. This wouldn't be like those other times. He was going to keep everyone safe, and this experiment was part of that.

Crowley was waiting on the road with two barely conscious vampires lying on the ground at his feet.

"I pumped them full of dead man's blood an hour ago," he said. "They'll be plenty thirsty when they wake up."

"Not this close," Dean said, flicking his gaze back toward the bunker.

"I'll drop them on the ridge," Crowley said. "Then they're all yours."

Dean nodded, and Crowley vanished with his two prisoners.

"Have I also mentioned this sucks," Sam said.

"Crowley is the least of our problems. You two should get out there. Stay together, and don't move around too much."

Sam gave Emma a nervous look which she returned. They glanced back at Dean before turning to head off into the trees. Though he could see easily in the dark, Dean didn't like the sight of them fading away into the night. The thought of what was about to happen made his stomach tighten more than it had been ever since he came up with the idea. His only comfort was that it would be over soon.

**~oOo~**

It was a cold night, and the clouds obscured what little light came from the moon. Sam stuck close beside Emma, though he knew she might resent being looked after. Especially since she seemed to think she was looking after him. He wasn't sure when that happened. They walked for a long time in silence, which was probably best. It took enough concentration to keep from tripping in the dark.

"You're kind of crazy," Emma finally said in a small voice that seemed to get swallowed up by the darkness.

"What makes you say that?" Sam asked, keeping his eyes forward.

"You just do whatever your brother asks you to, no matter how dangerous."

Sam let out a quick laugh. "You haven't been around that long, but it goes the other way too."

"You don't have to ask him to do anything because he's always taking care of you."

Sam almost tripped over a rock and stopped to stare at Emma's vague shape. "What?"

"Just because I haven't been around that long doesn't mean I don't notice things."

Sam looked away, even though he knew she couldn't see his eyes. "He doesn't always do everything I want."

"I know he's still planning to leave. He made it sound like he'd reconsider, but I can tell. It's... something in they way he talks. Like this is the end. Like a story."

Sam started walking again, and Emma followed him. "I thought maybe with you here..."

"It's not about me. Or you. Or anyone. It's something inside him that he can't escape. I think it's been there a lot longer than the vampire thing."

Sam nodded, mostly to himself. "I think you're right. I've always known, but... I've never really understood."

"I think we've gone far enough." Emma stopped walking.

They were standing in the middle of a group of trees that surrounded them like sentries. The darkness was deeper here, making it almost impossible for Sam to make out Emma's outline against the inky backdrop.

"If they do come, we won't be able to see them," Sam said, turning in place, and looking around.

"You didn't bring a flashlight?"

"Guess we _really_ have to trust Dean on this."

"I can fight in the dark if I have to," Emma said. "I'd rather not, but in an emergency. It's kind of like Purgatory."

"I was only there for a little while once. And it wasn't dark."

"The night wasn't much different from the day. It was better once everyone was together."

"But you were there for a long time before Dean showed up."

"Yeah." The way she said it indicated that was all she would be saying on the subject.

For the first time, Sam realized the extent of the horror she had been through. "And I sent you there."

"Not like you had much choice," Emma said flatly. "I'm not exactly a fan of the decision, but what were you supposed to do?"

"I don't know." Sam sighed. "At the time... I just thought you were a monster. It wasn't an issue for me. But it was for Dean. He never talked about it after that, I think because he knew I wouldn't understand. I wish I'd tried harder."

"I wish a lot of things had been different." Emma spoke softly like she was talking to herself. "None of that changes anything. We're here now, alive. That means something. It's better to just focus on that."

"No argument there," Sam agreed. "I've had enough of death for several life times."

Emma walked in a circle around the ring of trees. "How long, do you think?"

Sam looked out into the darkness once more. His eyes were now fully adjusted, and he could see more dark shapes around them. "Not long," he said.

Even in complete darkness, their presence would be like glaring sunlight. There was no way for the vampires to miss their scent.

* * *

**This chapter was going to be longer, but I was having trouble with the last scene, so I decided to move it into the next chapter. Sorry about that. **


	59. Kill the Moon

**Chapter Fifty-Eight "Kill the Moon"**

The woods took on a gray, two-dimensional quality as Dean headed the long way toward the ridge. He had waited about ten minutes after Sam and Emma left before sending Benny and Lenore off in opposite directions. When the vampires came for Sam and Emma, they would be surrounded.

_What if they run?_ Benny's worries were starting to get louder.

_They're not going to run, _Dean thought. _Instincts, remember?_

The chatter went down after that. Dean could still feel Benny and Lenore's minds; he knew exactly where they were, but they weren't projecting their thoughts as much.

Dean walked at an even pace up the hill. He didn't want to get too close to Sam and Emma before the other vampires caught their scent. It wouldn't take long. He knew that feeling of blind hunger where nothing else seemed to matter and the only thought was blood. It could cloud anyone's judgment, and that's what he was counting on.

Old Dean never would have gone through with this scheme. He would have found some other way, maybe even got a bunch of people killed before he considered putting Sam in danger. But Sam wasn't in danger. Old Dean didn't have the same confidence in his ability to destroy anything that came near his brother that he had now. And Emma was out there too. She could take care of herself, but when she told Dean she didn't want to fight it was the same as asking him to protect her. If that was what she wanted, he wasn't going to let her down. This was his family—the only family he had.

The air got colder the longer Dean was outside, and he noticed it more now than he ever had. It could be Kevin's Jedi master hanging around, or maybe it was just a cold night. Or both. Dean could tell the difference if he tried hard enough, but he didn't want to know. Not right now when there was nothing he could do about it.

In the distance, Dean could feel the other vampires running, spurred on by their intense thirst, with no thought of anything else. He could even feel their minds, pressing on the edges of his consciousness, though they were more like solid walls than pools like other vampires' were. Dean had his own walls, too, which was a good thing because Benny probably wouldn't have appreciated the comparison.

**~oOo~**

It must have only been ten minutes, but it felt like a long time later when Sam started to feel cold. It had been chilly the whole time, but now it was really cold. He blamed it on standing still too long, but part of him knew there was more to it.

Every sound was like another omen of impending doom. Sam found himself jumping slightly when Emma stepped on a dry leaf. It wasn't that he was afraid of the vampires, but the anticipation of it was killing him. He also had the strangest feeling that it was his responsibility to make sure Emma was safe, even though she acted like it was the other way around.

A rustle of breeze through the canopy made Sam do another visual sweep of the area. Nothing was there, but he knew any second there could be something, and he was going to be ready.

"You know they're gonna jump out when you least expect them," Emma said quietly, though her voice still startled Sam.

"I wouldn't think you'd have had much opportunity to watch horror movies yet," he replied with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I watched a lot of TV on my trip to California. It's all about suspense, manipulating reality so it's scarier."

"You got all that in a week's worth of TV?"

"I've lived and died and faced more horrors than anyone could put in a movie. It's all a bit tedious after that." Emma got that funny quality to her voice again where it sounded like she was talking to herself.

Sam nodded even though she probably couldn't see it. "Yeah, I guess that happened to me somewhere between learning monsters were real on Christmas and the first time I went hunting. You still get scared, but only in real life."

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Not at the moment anyway. Even if the bad guys get here first. You're as strong as they are."

"So are you."

"I'm not here to fight. Not unless there's no other choice."

Sam frowned, trying to see her better in the dark. "Then why are you here?"

"In the case that there _is _no other choice."

Sam was vividly reminded of the fact that he hadn't remotely figured Emma out. One side of her was independent and almost vicious while the other side was just a curious kid trying to learn about the world and be a good person. Perhaps he had underestimated how far she would go to achieve that last part.

"Did you hear that?" Emma's voice was barely a whisper, like the girl in the horror movies who always ended up dead by the end.

Sam listened, and she was right, There was something coming. Fast. He felt the dart gun under his jacket, ready to draw.

Emma's hand gripped his arm. "Wait," she said.

They were the bait. They had to stand still. They had to appear weak and helpless. It went against everything Sam had ever learned, everything he was. Even though he never wanted this, he was a fighter. He didn't just let things happen.

Sam took two steps to his left, and Emma followed, still holding onto his arm. He reached out and felt the rough bark of a pine tree.

"Come on," he said.

"What?"

"I'll help you up."

"What is it with you and trees?"

Sam could imagine the incredulous look in Emma's eyes. "You wanna stay out of the way or not?"

"Fine."

Sam laced his fingers together and held out his hands for Emma to use as a foothold. He lifted her up and she caught ahold of a sturdy branch before pulling herself the rest of the way into the tree.

"Stay quiet and still as long as you can," Sam said.

He didn't wait for a reply before turning back in the direction he first heard the noise. But it was coming from all around him now. There were at least two separate pairs of footsteps. When Sam heard a third, he couldn't help smiling a little to himself. He should have known Dean would have this all planned out.

**~oOo~**

The image in Dean's mind was beginning to look like that complex geometry he had skipped in high school. He could feel the distance between himself, his friends, Sam and Emma, and the enemy. The latter had almost reached the bait. Benny and Lenore were still a little ways out on the flanks, but Dean wasn't concerned. He would reach Sam just as the other two were so overwhelmed by the scent of his blood they'd miss how close their demise was.

Dean stretched out his connection to Benny and Lenore, pulling them in not with a command or direction but with the simple mantra he'd been repeating all this time: _Protect Sam. Protect Emma. _They could work out the rest on their own.

The first generation vampires, both male, came at Sam from north and east while Dean was coming from the west. Sam was facing him, unable to tell who was who, but he clearly knew they were there. Dean veered to his left to intercept the first of the monsters. He came from above, jumping from a bank of earth and tree roots into the small hollow where Sam was waiting. Dean came up under the other vampire and interrupted his trajectory by knocking his legs to the side. He hit the ground, rolling into a defensive crouch. Sam had backed out of the way, keeping himself between the fight and one particular tree. What was it with that boy and trees?

The second vampire came from the side, and Dean sent out another burst of thought. Benny and Lenore were almost there, and he couldn't let his influence on them slip. As he focused his mind on that, his body was kept busy as well. Both vampires came at him, teeth bared, emanating desperation. Dean kept his arms up to protect his neck. Anything else he could survive. He felt their teeth first on his forearms, tearing through the canvas, flannel, and flesh. Ignoring the pain, Dean fought back. With his left hand, he grabbed the second vampire's neck and pulled him into the first one, disorienting them and limiting their range of movement. Then he aimed a kick at the first one's legs, right where he had hit him before.

They both fell back for a second, and Dean shook off some of the blood that was dripping down his arms. He just had to keep them busy a few more seconds.

Vampire #1 seemed to change his mind and turned to go after Sam again. Dean wasn't sure when his teeth came out as he leapt after the vampire and bit down at the base of his neck. The vampire let out a growl, and #2 came at Dean from behind.

_Right about now would be nice,_ Dean thought as he felt the pain in his own neck.

The second vampire didn't get very far. He disappeared with a confused grunt, and Dean could hear the sounds of struggle from behind. The first vampire had scrambled out of Dean's grasp and kept heading toward Sam.

_Greedy bastard,_ Dean thought, forgetting he could be heard. _You just gonna stand there and let him eat you, Sammy?_

But as the vampire rushed at Sam, Dean watched his brother make a third surprise move of the day. Sam stretched out his hand, and from the center of his palm came a faint orange light that grew stronger until it looked as if it was shooting from his hand. There was no substance to it; it was just light. But that was enough to severely stun the hungry vampire. However, it had no effect on Dean, and he quickly got over his shock and took advantage of the opening.

Dean got his arm around the vampire's neck and dragged him to his knees. He pulled upward and twisted as hard as he could. He expected the next part to be more difficult, but it seemed he underestimated his strength, and the vampire's head came free of his shoulders with a sickening _crack_ as the spine was completely severed.

Sam was still sort of glowing, and after having his eyes so adjusted to the dark, Dean found it difficult to look directly at him. It felt like the first time he saw Gadreel appear with his broken wings and glowing eyes. There was something definitely not normal going on with Sam.

Emma suddenly dropped out of the tree behind Sam like an overly energetic pine cone. "That was awesome!" she said.

"What the hell was it?" Dean asked.

The light was mostly gone now, and Dean could see Sam's eyes. They held the same expression as the first time Sam realized he could see the future so many years ago—like a terrified kid.

"I have no idea," Sam said.

Dean glanced behind him to be sure Benny and Lenore were okay. They had taken care of the second vampire and were on their way over toward the others. They hadn't had the slightest issue with control this time. Of course, there was a new problem now.

"I think..." Sam seemed to be having trouble completing his thought. "... I think it's got something to do with Gadreel."

"What, when he healed you?" Dean asked.

"That's when the weird things started happening."

"Okay, does no one else see how great this is?" Emma asked. "And if it comes from the angels, it's good right?"

Sam looked at Emma with an ironic expression that she probably couldn't see in the dark. "Remember how we said you haven't been around very long?"

"We'll figure it out," Dean said.

"Cas was going to talk to Gadreel," Sam said. "I assume he's waiting for you decide when we're going."

"Tomorrow night. That'll give everybody time to rest and coordinate with our allies."

Sam smirked in spite of his overwhelmingly anxious attitude. "Look at you, using big, fancy words."

"Shut up."

* * *

**Part of me really didn't want to write this chapter because that meant another step closer to this all being over. I'm not sure exactly how many more chapters there will be, but it's getting very close. If you've enjoyed this long-winded, at times rabbit trailing story, please leave a comment and let me know. As always, thanks to those who regularly review, and all who have added this story to their favorites and alerts. I really wouldn't do this without you guys.**


	60. The End of Time

**Chapter Fifty-Nine "The End of Time"**

"Tomorrow?" Castiel asked as everyone gathered in the war room. "That seems a little soon."

Dean shrugged as he leaned against the stair railing with his arms crossed. "We're not gonna be any more ready than we are now."

"That statement is entirely unprovable."

"We all know what we're up against, and nobody's gotta come if they don't want to. We should all get some rest and plan our attack in the morning."

"If we gave this some more thought—"

"We don't have time to give it more thought. The Alpha is coming for us, so we're going out to meet him. This is where we live. He can't take that away."

"Nevertheless, we are fortified here."

"We're not gonna beat him by going on the defensive. That's never been the plan."

"Perhaps you would like to share what the plan is, then, since we've all been operating under the assumption that you had none."

"The Alpha's army is holed up on an old farm about fifty miles from here. Tomorrow, we're going to go in and take them all out."

"There are eleven of us."

Dean shrugged. "Twelve, if you count Kevin's friend. But Crowley's bringing help. I need you to talk to Gadreel and see if he'll send anyone. And find out what the hell he did to Sam."

"You really think angels and demons will fight together?"

Dean looked from Castiel to Meg and back again. "I think they already are," he said.

Castiel shook his head. "It's not that simple."

"Then maybe remind Gadreel of what he owes us. You know, after I saved his life and he betrayed us. If he really wants to help humans, this is the way to do it."

"I can only hope he sees it that way."

"If it comes down to it, we can do this without him."

"Because of your deal with Crowley,"

"Because we're stronger than they are. You know, the Alpha talks a lot about family, but he doesn't know the meaning of the word. This—" Dean looked around the room. "—This is a family. We all chose this because we believe in it. That's why we're gonna win."

Next to Castiel, Meg let out a short huff. "I think I threw up in my mouth a little," she said.

"I'll talk to Gadreel," Castiel said. "And whatever he says, I'll be with you tomorrow. I'm not sure how much faith you should put in Crowley though."

"I've never put any faith in him," Dean said and smiled. "You know how stingy I am with that stuff."

For some reason, that put Castiel's mind at ease. He still had plenty of concerns about this plan, but knowing that Dean's trust was firmly placed in his family helped calm some of his doubts.

The thought of going back to Heaven was strange and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. It wasn't a prospect Castiel had ever expected to consider. But it was easy and familiar for him to spread his wings and fly straight out of the world. He felt the inexplicable pull of the ground beneath him as he went, but he also felt the welcoming draw of home. Perhaps he would never fully get over that feeling.

**~oOo~**

The library was dark except for one lamp on the first table. Sam sat with one foot resting on the opposite knee. Dean knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until Cas returned with news about his powers. The liquor cabinet looked like it hadn't been touched in a while— a crime against all hunters. Dean found a couple of clean glasses and the best whiskey and brought them over to the table.

"This one of those 'last night on Earth' gestures?" Sam asked as Dean poured.

"It's not your last night," Dean said, sliding one of the glasses over to Sam and taking a sip from the other.

Sam traced his fingers around the outside of the glass. "You seem really sure of what's going to happen."

Dean wanted to laugh. "I got no freakin' clue. I just know that whatever happens, you'll be all right. I can't explain it."

Sam looked up. "You really think I'll be all right without you?"

"I'm not sure how I'm gonna... feel when this is all over. Right now, all I can see is this fight. It's all I've been able to see in my future for a long time."

"There's more to life, Dean. Maybe you think I don't need you looking after me anymore, but Emma does. I mean, I know she's strong; she can take care of herself, but she shouldn't have to."

Dean couldn't help the little smirk that those words inspired. "When did you get so sentimental about her?"

"She's just a kid."

"Not too long ago, you thought she was just a monster."

"Well, she's that too, but she's your monster. I have never tried to put any kind of responsibility on you—you took it all on your own—but Emma _is _your responsibility. More than I ever was."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is, Dean. She's your daughter."

"And what do you think you are? What do you think I was doing all that time, taking care of you, protecting you, _raising _you." Dean remembered those were Sam's exact words the night they rescued Emma.

Sam leaned forward with his arms resting on the table. "Dean, I know."

"You do? Because I'm just now figuring it out. I was never your brother, Sam, I was... something else."

Sam smiled faintly. "And you were a good one. But you'll always be my brother." He finally took a drink from his glass.

"What does that mean?" Dean had always been afraid to ask, but he was doing a lot of things that scared him lately.

"Everything," Sam replied.

Dean nodded and downed the last of his drink. He poured a second one and brought the bottle over to the table, Pulling out a chair, Dean sat down and leaned back. It was just that sort of night.

**~oOo~**

Everything was so full of light and color. Castiel had never forgotten what it was like, but he had given up hope of ever feeling this way again, of seeing the true faces of his own kind. Hannah was the first to greet him upon his return. He remembered the last time he saw her, watching him with a sad look as he left them for his life on Earth. Facing her was more difficult than he imagined it would be.

"You are not staying," she said, so matter-of-fact, so cold. Her gray wings drooped slightly, though she kept her gaze even.

"I can't," Castiel replied. "Can you understand?"

"No. But I am not like you, Castiel. Gadreel is expecting you."

As they moved through the different levels of Heaven, Castiel watched his brothers and sisters at work. Some stared as he passed, which he could excuse. Hannah was right; he was different.

"Things seem to be running smoothly now," he said as they went.

"Unlocking Metatron's spell helped considerably," Hannah said.

"I'm sure your organizational skills had something to do with it."

Hannah didn't reply. She didn't like the attention. That was what had always made her such a good angel. She could lead others, but lacked the fatal pride of many who had come before her.

They reached Gadreel's office, and Hannah stopped outside the door. "It was good to see you again, Castiel," she said before returning the way they had come.

Castiel wasn't sure why he had expected her to stay. Perhaps because the last time, it had been the three of them together, fighting Metatron, and saving Heaven. It would never be that way again. In that moment, they were like a true family, but Castiel knew who his family was now, and they were not to be found in Heaven.

On the other side of the door, Castiel found Gadreel. For a moment, he could only stare in awe at the creature in front of him. He had only seen Gadreel's true form briefly before, and his size combined with all those eyes made him something of a shock to behold.

"Welcome, brother," Gadreel said. "Your presence is always agreeable."

"Perhaps not, when you hear what I have to say," Castiel replied.

"Is something wrong?"

"We are going to fight the Alpha tomorrow. If you wish to help, we would appreciate it, but I understand there may be some reservations."

Gadreel seemed to consider this for a moment, his multitudinous eyes looking everywhere at once. "What chance is there of defeating him on your own?"

"That is the reason there might be reservations. We are not entirely on our own. Dean has been assured of Crowley's assistance."

Even in this form, Gadreel still made a clearly disgusted face. "Fighting with demons?"

"It wasn't my first choice, either. Sometimes, a common enemy merits compromise."

"I do not know if I am capable of that."

"Dean asked that I... remind you of your debt to him. I wouldn't bring it up—"

"No, you are right, Castiel. I have much to atone for in my dealings with the Winchesters and the Prophet. I will not work with demons, but I will fight the Alpha. He is a threat to all humanity."

"Not all demons are the same. But we appreciate your assistance."

"I do not claim to understand your connection to that demon woman, but it is entirely your affair. I do not think the rest of us can be so inclusive."

Castiel nodded. "I never expected you to be."

"There is something else?" Gadreel narrowed several of his eyes at Castiel.

"Yes. When you healed Sam... something happened to him."

Gadreel's expression changed to one of knowing. "I had thought something like this might happen. There was something of me left in him, and when I healed him, I brought it back to the surface."

"Will it be permanent? When Dean had my grace in him, it didn't last."

"There is no way of knowing. The circumstances are different. Sam may always be a bit different by human standards."

"I would consider extreme strength and the ability to produce light at will substantially different."

"As you said, it may not last. Or it may be permanent. It will not harm him as long as he is careful with it."

Castiel nodded. "Thank you. I must return now."

"May our Father guide you, Castiel. I will see you on the battlefield."

It had been far too long since Castiel had heard that phrase. He wasn't even sure their Father still paid any attention to what went on with his children. But there were too many unexplained interventions in the past for him to be totally convinced.

**~oOo~**

The hallways were quiet, and it seemed that everyone except Sam and Dean had gone to sleep. Of course, Jody was aware that certain residents of the bunker didn't actually sleep. When she reached Annie's door, she hesitated. If the girl were asleep she didn't want to wake her, but Jody highly doubted she was asleep. So, she knocked lightly, and waited for a response.

It took a minute for Annie to come to the door, and when she did, she looked like she had been expecting this. She stood to the side to allow Jody to come in anyway.

"All right," she said. "Give me your best shot."

Jody sighed. "There's nothing I can say to make you stay behind, is there?" she asked.

"Nope." Annie walked over to her dresser and picked up the hairbrush sitting there.

Jody sat down on the edge of the bed. "They know you," she said. "They'll come after you."

"Then we'll fight them," Annie replied, sitting next to Jody and starting to brush her hair.

"We're just humans, you know. And I can't protect you from everything."

"I never expected you to. When you found me, I was already broken. I don't want to let them do that to any more people."

Jody put her arm around Annie's shoulders. "And here I thought you just wanted to cut off a few heads."

Annie tilted her head and smirked. "That too."

"This doesn't mean I'm okay with you going."

"Oh, I know that. I'd be a little offended if you were."

Jody had to smile. The conversation had done nothing to assuage her fear, but at a time like this, she figured it was okay to be afraid. As confident as Dean was about everything, there was no way of knowing what would happen tomorrow.

**~oOo~**

_The Empire Strikes Back_ played on low volume as Charlie, Emma, and Meg sat on Charlie's bed and shared a carton of rocky road between them. It was already half empty.

"How come we can't have cool powers like the Force?" Emma asked. "Because that would be awesome."

Meg held up her hand, and the ice cream flew out of Charlie's grip. "I kinda do," Meg said, digging in her spoon.

"Not cool, Darth Demon," Charlie said, reaching over Emma to take back the ice cream.

"I guess Sam's power is kind of Force-ish, too" Emma said, ignoring the struggle going on practically in her lap. "But I mean, if we had more powers like that instead of, say, the ability to draw and quarter someone with my bare hands, this might be a less violent planet."

"Not really," Meg said, surrendering the ice cream to Charlie. "People would just kill each other some other way."

"How do you draw and quarter someone without horses?" Charlie asked. "I mean, you have to pull on all four limbs at once, so..."

"Okay, bad example," Emma said. "I just meant that what I can do seems inherently destructive."

"Being strong doesn't have to be bad. You could become a champion weightlifter or a firefighter or join the military."

"Or you could just keep it to yourself," Meg suggested.

"But everyone already knows," Emma said. "You're all expecting me to be some unstoppable force tomorrow, aren't you?"

Meg shrugged. "I don't know; your head hasn't really been in the game lately."

"You don't have to fight to be one of the good guys," Charlie said. "I didn't do any of that stuff at first, but I still helped."

"I don't think I'm really good for anything else," Emma said.

Charlie shoved the ice cream container under her nose. "None of that," she said. "Fighting monsters is not all there is to life."

"What if you are a monster?"

"I think that's entirely up to you."

"Everyone's a monster," Meg said. "Humans are the worst kind."

"Right here," Charlie said.

"Prove me wrong."

Charlie gestured at the TV with her spoon. "Could monsters create such a masterpiece?"

"Well there's that little green guy," Emma said.

"Master Yoda is the greatest Jedi who ever lived."

"He's a fictional character."

Charlie stared at Emma with her mouth hanging open.

Meg leaned over closer to Emma. "I think you broke her," she said.

Emma handed the ice cream back to Charlie. "I'm sorry?" she tried.

Charlie grabbed the carton and glared as she scooped up a large spoonful. "Muggles," she muttered.

"Is that a curse word?" Emma asked, looking at Meg.

"It's another geek reference."

"After we kill all these vampires, I am definitely making you read Harry Potter," Charlie said.

"That sounds more fun than killing vampires."

* * *

**Had a busy week, so this one's a bit late. Sorry about that. The battle begins very soon. Can't wait to see how it comes out. :D**


	61. Doomsday

**Chapter Sixty "Doomsday"**

The vision was like a dream, like a memory, and simultaneously not like those things at all. Benny could almost feel the forest rising up around him. But it wasn't the woods outside the bunker. It was denser and greener. If not for that and the sunlight, it might have made him think of Purgatory. As he looked around, Benny noticed Lenore standing next to him. She had been there all along, but he only just saw her. She didn't look at him—she was staring at something across from them.

Benny turned his gaze again, and saw Dean was walking out of the trees toward them. He looked bigger than normal, like he was on higher ground, even though he wasn't. Benny remembered the last time Dean looked that way was when they were in Purgatory and Dean was just starting to use his powers. This time, it was more than just a moment, though.

Sam appeared beside Dean, once again as if he had always been there. They stopped a few feet away, and the four of them stood facing each other. It was then Benny noticed that Sam had a similar kind of unearthly air to him as Dean did. As soon as Benny recognized it, a light began to grown around the brothers. But it wasn't't around them at all—it was coming from within them. And it burned.

Benny recoiled from the heat, but Lenore stood completely still, mesmerized by the sight. Benny looked again, and it was awe-inspiring. It was the second glance that sealed everything. He couldn't look away now.

The light continued to grow, and the burning intensified. Benny could feel his skin begin to blister before it was entirely consumed. He imagined this must have been what Hell was like.

Just before everything faded, a third figure manifested in the midst of the blazing light. Benny couldn't see who it was before he jolted back to reality in his bed, safe underground.

"What is it?" Lenore asked. She was lying beside him with her long hair draped over the pillow.

Benny shook his head, and turned on his side so he was facing her. "Just a funny dream," he said.

Lenore stretched out her hand and traced a line of sweat down his face. "Funny," she repeated as if she didn't understand the word. "Are you worried?"

"About what?"

"Today." The way she said the word sounded so final, so absolute.

"This could be the end."

"I know. If we go, we'll go together."

Benny took Lenore's hand in his. "That's not what worries me."

"Then what?"

"What happens if we live through this? What do we do? Where do we go?"

"Anything and anywhere we want." Lenore smiled. "I still haven't been to Paris."

Benny managed to smile back. "Nothing bothers you, does it?"

Lenore became serious again. "A lot of things bother me. But you and me... no."

"There are still things I haven't told you."

"I think we've got time."

"Forever," Benny agreed.

**~oOo~**

The war room looked as if it were about to be the scene of a horror movie. Every bladed weapon Dean could find was currently covering the table and all the desks. He was beginning to sort them into groups of sharp, kind of sharp, and utterly useless. There were a few swords that seemed like they would be pretty effective and a couple of axes in decent shape.

Most of the group was still having breakfast, so Dean was surprised when charlie showed up, carrying a long sheath over one shoulder.

"Think this will do?" she asked, angling her head to indicate the weapon.

"What is it?" Dean asked, eyeing it curiously.

Charlie shrugged it off and pulled a long, slightly curved sword from the sheath. "A katana. Samurais used them to cut through like five people at once—I think."

"Where the hell did you get it?"

"At a convention," Charlie said nonchalantly.

Dean could only stare for a second before emitting an amused chuckle. "Yeah, that should be... effective."

"I've done this before, you know."

"What?"

"Hunted vampires. You don't have to worry about me."

"That was like two vampires."

"And I was alone. This time we'll all be fighting together. That way we stay safe."

"I wish I could do this alone."

Charlie nodded. "I know. But even if you could, no one here would ever let you—not even Meg."

"Seems like this is the part where everyone I care about gets hurt."

"We all believe in this, Dean. I believe in this. I think sometimes you get it in your head that you're the only one fighting for this world, but it's my world too, and I'm not letting them take that away. I survived the freakin' Leviathans; I think I can handle this."

"I know you can. You can call yourself by whatever name you want, but you're one of us. You're my sister."

Charlie smiled knowingly. "I love you too," she said.

Dean reached out at put his hand on her arm. "I do, you know? I—I love you."

Charlie looked like she might cry, but she smiled wider. "I know," she whispered.

Deah hugged her, hoping the sappiness would dispel quickly. He could barely remember the last time he had said that to anyone. He was four years old, and his mom cut the crusts off his peanut butter sandwich.

They separated, and Charlie dabbed at her eyes a little bit before replacing her vibrant grin. "No chick flick moment, bitch."

Dean laughed softly. "Damn books," he muttered.

Others started showing up shortly after that, which was just fine with Dean. He had a feeling there would be a lot more emotional crap to deal with as the day went on, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

It didn't take long to get everyone squared away. There were plenty of weapons, and most people had at least two. They gave the four dart guns to Jody, Annie, Charlie, and Emma. Sam didn't really need one if he could reproduce last night's light show. As they were all finishing up in the war room, Dean overheard a conversation between Sam and Cas.

"Remember Gadreel said to be careful with your powers," Cas said quietly. "We don't know what they might do to you."

"I'll be fine," Sam said, not sounding the least bit worried.

"You seem so certain."

"I'm not supposed to be afraid."

"Because your dream told you so?"

Dream? Wahat dream? Sam hadn't mentioned any dream to Dean.

"It sounds kind of crazy," Sam said. "But I think maybe the dream came from whoever's been hanging around here. Maybe they were trying to send me a message."

"Kevin's friend?" Cas didn't sound convinced. "You think whoever that is wants to help you?"

Dean resisted the urge to butt into the conversation, instead focusing on the machete he was cleaning.

"Dean seems to trust Kevin on this," Sam said.

"Then why hasn't this mysterious spirit revealed itself?"

"Maybe it can't. Maybe it's like when that poltergeist was in our old house and—never mind. You said this power comes from Heaven because I'm somehow connected to Gadreel, so what's it gonna hurt to use it? It's probably better if I choose to instead of waiting until it just comes out without warning."

Cas was silent for a moment, and Dean forced himself to keep breathing evenly and cleaning weapons.

"You're probably right," Cas finally said. "Just be careful with it. We don't know the extent of your strength, and someone else could get hurt."

"I will," Sam said forcefully, as if the thought of hurting anyone had already made him extra cautious.

Cas left after that, and Sam and Dean were alone. Dean busied himself packing up the extra weapons to take with them just in case. Sam was behind him next to one of the desks; Dean knew he was still standing there even though he hadn't turned around.

"You don't have to pretend you didn't hear that," Sam said.

Dean shook his head, mostly to himself. "You weren't talking to me."

"I knew you were listening. You think I forgot about the vampire super senses?"

Dean turned around, resting the heels of his hands on the map table behind him as if he needed to hang onto something. "You never mentioned the dream."

"I was trying to figure out how to bring it up."

"You told Cas."

"Not everything. I wouldn't tell him who I saw."

"Why not?"

"Because, Dean, it was Mom."

Dean's grip on the table's edge tightened. "What?"

"It was right after I first noticed the spirit hanging around. I had this dream, and Mom was there, telling me that I was strong and not to be afraid to use it."

Dean shook his head vehemently. "It can't be her, Sam. She sacrificed herself to fight that poltergeist."

"I know." Sam rubbed his forehead and paced the length of the desk. "But it has to mean something, right? I never have dreams about her. I kinda wish I did, but this is the first time. I mean, there were the demon blood hallucinations, but that wasn't really her."

Dean flinched slightly at the memory. "And you think this is?"

"I don't know. It was the first time I've ever seen her since that time in our old house that she seemed like herself."

"Well, there was the time travel."

Sam nodded his head to the side. "Chronologically."

"Okay, so maybe it was some kind of angelic vision. That could happen, right?"

"Maybe. I think I need to talk to Gadreel—I really don't want to."

"I don't blame you. Cas said he didn't really know much."

"He may not have been asking the right questions."

"We'll see him when we get there later. I can put you in the same group when the fighting starts, if you want."

"No." Sam shook his head. "I'm going wherever you are."

"That might not be—"

"This isn't a discussion. For once, you don't get a say."

Dean thought about arguing because, if past experience was any indication, he could talk Sam down eventually. But he got the feeling this might be one thing Sam wouldn't back down on.

"Fine," Dean said. "We work better together anyway."

Sam smirked like he'd just won something. "Yeah, that's totally the reason."

**~oOo~**

The walls of Emma's room had begun to feel smaller as she packed what few things she would need on this trip. She held the gold knife in her hand that she had carried the night she went to kill her father, the same one she had used to kill her mother. It symbolized all the reasons she didn't want to fight, everything she didn't want to be. It was fitting she kept it with her now. Every time she held it, she would think of that and weigh the cost of what she was about to do.

With a heavy breath, Emma slid the knife into its sheath inside her jacket. She looked at the small bag sitting on the bed in front of her. It was old; the canvas felt smooth in places where it rubbed against someone's body or the inside of a car's trunk. There wasn't much inside, just a clean set of clothes, the dart gun, and a couple of extra blades. She hoped she wouldn't need any of them.

A knock at the door drew Emma's attention away from her packing. "Come in," she said.

The door opened, and Dean came through, closing it behind him. "You ready?" he asked.

Emma nodded, looking back at her bag. "Doesn't really make sense for me not to go."

"No, but I think I know how you can keep clear of most of the fighting."

"Everyone's going to think you're just being overprotective."

"Let 'em think what they want. I'm going to get one of the angels to stay with you at at the rear. You can take care of any stragglers, and if anyone gets hurt you can help them back to get healed."

"Well that seems... logical."

"I do have good ideas once in a while."

"Shocking." Emma zipped up her bag and slung the strap over her shoulder.

Dean smiled, making Emma feel a little better about all this.

"When all this is over," she said. "I'm going to do that stuff you talked about. You know, stargazing and seeing the Grand Canyon and all that."

"By yourself?" Dean almost sounded disappointed.

Emma shrugged. "Guess that depends on who's still around."

**~oOo~**

By noon, everyone had gathered in the garage. They had packed up Dean and Castiel's cars with all their weapons and supplies. There were too many people to fit in the two vehicles, but Castiel got the feeling he wouldn't be riding.

"I need you guys to scout ahead," Dean told Castiel and Meg, handing them a map. "Meet up here when we get there. Also—the demons and angels? Think you can keep them separated?"

"There's a natural repulsion," Meg said. "But we can run interference."

"Good. We should be there in a little over an hour. Make sure you're not seen."

Castiel was surprised Dean needed to mention it. "With my powers restored, I am capable of remaining entirely invisible during flight," he said.

Dean merely nodded.

"Be careful," Castiel said quietly. "Just because they are weaker during the day doesn't mean they won't be keeping watch. They must know you're coming."

"Don't worry about it. Get going."

Castiel folded up the map and put it in his pocket. Then he took Meg's hand and walked across the garage floor, handing his car keys to Benny before taking off.

Flying through space with Meg was different than going on his own. He had taken passengers before, but never a demon. In this state, they were completely exposed, his grace and her black soul side by side. It was strangely intimate and a little unnerving.

They landed in the woods surrounding a recently vacated industrial farm. Apparently, there were no mansions available for the Alpha. In the center of the small valley was a long, metal building that must have housed livestock. The comparison was fitting. Castiel could feel the army of vampires breathing inside.

Meg nudged Castiel's arm after a moment of surveying the area. "Let's go make sure there's no scouts in the woods."

"There certainly will be."

Meg smiled. "Not for long."

* * *

**Next Week: the battle begins.**


	62. World War Three

**Chapter Sixty-One "World War Three"**

The drive was too short by Winchester standards. All those years of crisscrossing the country made an hour in the car seem like a quick food run. A part of Sam really wasn't ready for this, would never be ready for this.

Emma and Charlie had been talking in the backseat the whole way like it was just a normal day, and nothing bad could possibly happen. Charlie was attempting to recount the entire plot of _Harry Potter_, but she only got halfway through the first book before they arrived.

Dean had been quiet, but not his usual, grouchy sort of quiet. He just seemed very calm and pensive. Sam was naturally concerned, but he didn't say anything. He'd already said everything he needed to.

They stopped in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. Dean pulled the car off the road, and drove into the trees a little ways before coming to a halt.

"We got about half a mile from here," Dean said, reaching for the door handle.

"Why are we hiking through the woods?" Sam asked.

"Because driving up to the front door would be really stupid."

Dean got out of the car, and Sam followed. Emma and Charlie came as well, and they all ended up standing around the trunk. Dean handed out their weapons and grabbed the bag with all the backups.

A few minutes later, they saw Cas' car coming up on their location. Sam wasn't sure how Benny knew exactly where they were since the road was out of sight through the trees, but he had a feeling Dean was responsible for that.

Once everyone was ready, Dean led the way further into the woods. It wasn't long before Benny made some comment about deja vu, and the reminiscing about Purgatory began. Dean didn't join in. He still had that focused look in his eyes like he couldn't think about anything else right now. Sam stuck close to his brother, mirroring his silence. He didn't have it in him to pretend there was such a thing as good old days right now.

There was no clear path to follow, but Dean kept on straight ahead as if following a mental map. He'd always had a good sense of direction, but it had become uncanny since the whole vampire thing. When they finally stopped, there didn't seem to be anything indicating why. Sam didn't bother to ask. Dean obviously knew what he was doing. A few people had straggled behind, but they caught up quickly, and soon they were all standing in the dim, cool space under the trees. It was probably better than the direct sunlight on the road for some of them.

Dean dropped the bag of extra weapons as the base of a tree, and as it hit the ground there was another sound, the faint fluttering of several pairs of wings at once. Cas and Meg were with the other angels as well. Gadreel hadn't brought very many with him.

"Is this everyone?" Dean asked.

Gadreel nodded. "I asked for volunteers," he said, sounding apologetic.

"It's fine."

"That's no way to run an afterlife," Crowley's voice came from the opposite direction.

Sam turned to see that he had about a hundred demons behind him. Of course, Crowley wanted to show off.

"I take it as a good sign that I do not do things your way," Gadreel said. There was a kind of disgusted sneer on his face that didn't do his vessel any favors.

"Shall I remind you of our last meeting?" Crowley said. "As I recall, I was the good guy in that little skirmish in poor Sam's brain."

The reminder wasn't necessary; Sam was already going over the scene in his head from when it happened. He had never quite gotten away from it.

"You know the rules," Dean said, interrupting the pointless jabbing. "Demons and angels leave each other alone. You're only going after the vampires, except the three of us." Dean waved his hand between himself and Benny and Lenore. "Obviously, the humans are off limits." He eyed Crowley sternly.

The king of Hell did his best to appear innocent. "I'm only here to help," he said.

"Good. I've got you covering the northeast side of the woods. Stay out of sight for now. At least until we can get them out of their hideout."

"That's going to be the difficult part," Cas said. "The Alpha and his army are all protected inside that building. Going in after them would be... to our disadvantage."

"So we need something to draw them all out," Sam said.

"Fire," Benny said. "It's one of the few things that can hurt us."

"The building is made with steel siding," Meg said. "It'd have to be some fire."

"We can do that," Gadreel said.

"And I can get inside," Kevin interjected, suddenly appearing beside Sam.

"How many times have I told you to stop doing that?" Sam asked.

"I've lost count. But I can get in and start something on the inside. They won't be able to see me."

"Will your friend be going with you?" Dean asked.

Kevin seemed to be listening for a second. "No, he's going to stay with you."

Sam didn't mention how incredibly creepy he found that. But they had decided to trust Kevin, and now it was time to follow through. Sam took the ring from his pocket and held it out to Kevin.

"Guess you'll need this," he said.

Kevin smiled as he took the ring. "Thanks," he said.

Dean laid out every else's positions after that. He had Emma and one of the angels (Hannah volunteered) stationed on the road to the east of them. Charlie was between them and the valley, blocking access to the road. Benny and Lenore were on the north side of the forest where the woods came closest to the building. To the west were Gadreel and his angels. A few of them would start blasting the end of the building with fire to push the vampires out the main entrance which was where Sam and Dean would be. Jody and Annie were placed on the south side, farthest from the building but close to where the angels were just in case they needed backup. Once everyone went off in their separate directions, they had the place surrounded.

Sam and Dean stood at the end of the road with Charlie as the last of their allies disappeared. It seemed for a moment as if they were all alone. Maybe in a way, they were. Sam knew at some point during the fight, Dean would have to face the Alpha, and there was no one else to help him. Except perhaps that cool air across their skin where there was no breeze. Sam had been wondering all along who this spirit was that haunted them, but it didn't look like he'd be finding out now.

"It's about time you got out there," Charlie said. There was a strange look in her eyes like she was sorry for them or sorry she wasn't going with them.

"You watch your back," Dean said.

Charlie tapped the sword hilt sticking up from behind her shoulder. "I think I've got that covered."

Sam leaned over and gave her a hug, not caring that it wasn't really a good time. "Take care of yourself," he whispered.

"You too," Charlie replied.

Sam let her go and turned to follow Dean across the grassy field into the shallow valley. It might as well have been the mouth of Hell for all the hammering in Sam's chest. He didn't know why he was so nervous, what he was afraid of. They had done this a thousand times. But it was different now. It always would be.

**~oOo~**

Kevin had read about fires roaring, but he wasn't entirely prepared for the sound that took him back to the day he died. As it raged through his skull, Kevin had heard the white hot flames coursing through him. This time, he was safe; fire couldn't hurt him anymore. It was still terrifying. For a second, he he didn't know where he was or who he was, only that he had to get away.

It lasted all of a second, but Kevin came back to himself in an unfamiliar place. He was back in the forest, somewhere far away from the metal building. If he didn't have his ring, he would have just gone back to Sam, but now he could go wherever he wanted. He wanted to run far away, but he had to go back. He had to help them fight the vampire army. Dean and Sam were counting on him, trusting him.

Kevin forced himself to return, all the while dreading that sound. As he got closer, it filled his mind again, but he pushed through it the way his invisible mentor had taught him. He went through the walls and into the barn. The vampires were already moving away from the west end of the building, but the fire was mostly on the outside. There wasn't a whole lot of flammable material lying around, but kevin found some old straw and a few pieces of wood. He found a spot where the fire was starting to come through and lit his bits of kindling.

There were wooden beams framing the entire structure, and that's where kevin went next. He placed the burning debris at the bottom of a few of the beams and concluded that his job was done. He looked around to see that panic was starting to settle in. The fire was only at one end of the building, and they'd probably be able to put it out soon, but in the meantime, some would run. That would allow some of their people to get inside.

Kevin took one more look around before walking back through the wall, through the fire, facing the reality of his death and deciding he would no longer be afraid of it.

**~oOo~**

They came like ants pouring out of the garage style doors at the front of the building. A small, doubting part of Dean wondered how he was supposed to fight so many, but the stronger side of him won out. He couldn't fight them all at once, and he couldn't control them completely, but he could cause chaos. He could do to them what that other vampire had done to Benny.

As they came, Dean stretched out with his mind. He could feel the overwhelming sense of their terror and confusion. It may have been vindictive, but he thought they could use just a little more. As Dean fought for control of their minds, many began to scatter as if they didn't know where they were going. Some even attacked each other. It only lasted a few seconds before their primary controllers wrestled back control. It was enough time, though. The vampires that had managed to get close to Sam and Dean met with a quick demise before they could regain their bearings. Those who had gone off to the right ran into Crowley's people at the edge of the woods, and those to the left found themselves exposed in the middle of a sunlit field. A second later, they were all burnt to ashes as two angels landed in their midst.

Meanwhile, Dean pushed forward toward the doors, with Sam right beside him. More vampires came at them, but they didn't stand a chance. They were still scattering like cockroaches in the light. Even though they swarmed thicker near the doors, it gave Sam and Dean the advantage. The vampires were bottlenecked and couldn't maneuver at all. Of course, that meant it would take a while to get through them.

Back in the field, Dean could hear the sounds of a full-scale battle going on. That was all part of the plan, get the Alpha's army busy so the man himself would be less guarded. The first step was to find the first generations. Without them, the other vampires would be even more of a disorganized mess. They would probably be with the Alpha.

Dean felt a bit of hesitation when he saw Sam next to him. This had always been the end goal, but Dean never expected to bring his very human brother along, not when death was such a strong possibility.

As if to dispel Dean's concerns, Sam raised his hand and shot a blast of light at a cluster of vampires, who all fell to the ground, stunned. It was the first time Sam had used his power intentionally, and the eerie calm look on his face was mildly disconcerting. All the same, between the two of them, the Alpha didn't stand a chance.

* * *

**There is a strong possibility that I'm just not good at large scale battle scenes, so apologies in advance for this and the next chapter which will be mainly focused on that. Hopefully it's not entirely terrible.**


	63. Voyage of the Damned

**Perhaps I should warn about a character death in this chapter and possibly in the next one. Please don't get mad at me.**

**Chapter Sixty-Two "Voyage of the Damned"**

The field to the south had turned into a slipping hazard, blood matting the grass, heads and bodies draining in the sun. There was something hideously glorious about it. The grunts and screams of battle became a chaotic, rhythmless symphony. It had been a long time since Gadreel had seen battle, but he remembered his perpetually mixed feelings about it. There was something admirable in the way his blade sliced through flesh and bone—and something to be abhorred.

In the old days—and for him they were very old indeed—angels fought against demons and darkness. Now, things were different. Gadreel was making compromises his predecessors never would have entertained. He was not sure why he was doing this. Everyone was looking to him to make the right decisions, but he did not know what was right anymore. His choice to help in this fight had more to do with atonement than any illusion that he was acting for the greater good. Perhaps the two concepts were not necessarily at odds.

Gadreel felt it whenever Sam used his powers. It was like a gentle tug on his insides at first, but then it got stronger. The one clear explanation which Gadreel had been trying to avoid was that Sam's power came directly from Heaven, directly through Gadreel. And it was not fading away.

Progress became slower after that with Gadreel's concentration split in two. He otherwise might have made much quicker work of the vampire hordes still pouring out of the burning building. The fire was going down now, and the steady stream of cold bodies slowed. Gadreel sent a couple of his soldiers back to renew the assault on the building. The second time would be the last. The battle was in full force now, and they needed all their forces in the fight.

There were other practical concerns. The angels had to get close to the vampires to smite them or remove their heads, and the angel swords were a bit small for beheading. Gadreel was not worried, but it was an inconvenience. As his blade stuck between a vampire's vertebrae, he made a note to see about getting a longer sword.

**~oOo~**

Upon finding a cluster of first generations, Dean was beginning to rethink his whole knock-on-the-front-door approach. He put all he could into pulling soldiers from their army to fight for him, but that many mental opponents kept him from gaining full control of anyone. Sam's powers didn't affect the first generations as strongly as regular vampires. He could still keep them at arm's length though, so Dean wasn't too worried about him.

The two brothers stood back-to-back just inside the doorway. Inside, the place was full of smoke and frantically moving bodies. The light from the outside (and from Sam) repelled them back inside. Dean had just begun to smell the burning flesh of those stuck further back inside.

Dean felt Sam's hand against his arm, guiding him to turn. As he did, Sam shot out a flash of light that blinded the vampires surrounding them. They made a full circle, and Dean took the opening. As the first head fell to the floor with a kind of simultaneous _thud-splat_, Dean could feel the mental defenses slipping. He just had to kill a few more of these guys.

Sam wasn't slacking off either. He hadn't turned down the light, and he was hacking his way into three of the vampires as they backed away from him. There were at least four more that Dean would have to deal with. He only had a few seconds before they fully recovered. Dean moved to the left, going after the closest enemy to Sam. It was just instinct; he couldn't explain why he did it, and afterward, he would regret it. The vampire went down without a fight, but as soon as Dean's blade came to the end of its swing, he felt the other three on him from behind.

Before Dean could react, he felt his left arm being pulled so hard, his shoulder came out of its socket. Ignoring the pain, he whirled around and hit the offending vampire with his fist, causing a deep gash with his machete at the same time. A second vampire had followed Dean's movements, and came at him from behind again. Dean threw his full weight into the vampire, walking backwards until he hit one of the building's support beams. He stabbed with his machete into the vampire's side, and as he twisted the blade, blood poured out over his hand and onto the floor. That just made the guy mad, and he wrapped his arms around Dean's chest. The pressure on his injured shoulder sent a jolt of pain through Dean's body, but when his ribs started cracking, he forgot about the minor annoyance.

The other two vampires came at Dean, and he made the quick decision to pull his blade out of the other's side and twist around so that his back was to all three of them. As they collided, the one on Dean's back let go, and he scrambled out of reach. He tried not to think about his growing inventory of injuries. He couldn't afford to slow down.

**~oOo~**

Fighting alongside his brothers for the first time in what felt like centuries was disconcertingly unfamiliar to Castiel. He was so used to being among humans or fighting alone that he had almost forgotten how an angel garrison worked. He knew it wasn't because his memory was faulty or as a result of Naomi's brainwashing. He had chosen to forget. He had chosen not to be one of them anymore.

Unlike his former family, Castiel moved around the site of the battle, keeping an eye on everything while Dean was busy. He made sure the demons and angels didn't run into each other and stopped as many vampires from reaching the humans as he could. More of them headed for the woods than the road, so Charlie was safe for the moment. But keeping track of all the monsters that slipped through was more than he could handle. He could only hope that those he missed would soon meet with the forces waiting in the woods.

Meg was mixed in with the other demons, but Castiel could pick her out of the crowd. She stayed far away from Crowley, and Castiel couldn't blame her. The King of Hell was proving to be an effective ally—not that Castiel would admit that to anyone. Crowley's eyes flashed red as he swung a huge sword at the vampires. Castiel had never seen him use a weapon like that or even fight more than absolutely necessary. Crowley seemed to prefer making deals and backstabbing than outright battle.

When Castiel landed next to him, he had to duck to avoid getting hit by Crowley's sword.

"Watch where you're flying, Cas," Crowley growled as he swung at another vampire, sending it's head flying across the field.

Castiel turned and smote another vampire coming at him from the left. "Why are you here?" he asked calmly.

"Really not the time for existential questions," Crowley replied, stabbing his blade through another vampire's throat.

"Why are you helping," Castiel clarified.

"Good business." Crowley shoved the sword to one side and brought it back around to compete the beheading. He was smiling, even though he tried to hide it.

"Perhaps you just want to."

A few more vampires came running at them, and neither said anything for a while.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Crowley finally asked, as he finished off the last one.

"Yes."

Castiel didn't bother waiting for a reply as he took flight again, and looked over the battlefield. The angels were holding a strong front along the south side, keeping too many from escaping into the woods where Jody and Annie were stationed. It looked like a few more were breaking away toward the road, but nothing to cause alarm. Those that headed north were being met with demons and a couple of rogue vampires.

Castiel thought he should try to get inside and see how Sam and Dean were doing, but as soon as he tried, he was thrown back. It must have been on the inside, but the Alpha had protected the entire building with Enochian warding. There was no way for Castiel to get in.

**~oOo~**

It had been too quiet on the road. Emma hadn't anticipated how difficult it would be to wait, not knowing anything. It wasn't that she was worried exactly, but even the best plans could go wrong.

Next to Emma, Hannah stood in complete silence. She didn't seem bored exactly, or anything for that matter. Her face was completely expressionless, and her body language gave nothing away. She had her arms at her sides—calm. Her eyes seemed to be focused on something very far away, and being an angel, that might actually have been the case.

"So... you don't like fighting either?" Emma asked.

Hannah looked at her, still blankly. "Angels are warriors. We follow orders," she said.

"But you volunteered to stay with me," Emma said.

Hannah stared back down the road again. "Humanity is worth preserving," she said flatly. She did not elaborate.

Emma wished she could think of something else to talk about. She wasn't sure if Hannah knew she wasn't human, but she didn't want to bring it up. The only other thing to talk about was what was happening in that field, and Emma didn't want to talk about that.

It felt like a long time, but it could only have been an hour or less when Emma saw something moving quickly down the road.

"What's that?" Emma pointed, feeling her knife inside her jacket with her other hand.

Hannah stepped in front of her, holding her angel blade out in front of her. "One must have slipped through," she said.

"Charlie!" Emma started to move, but Hannah held her back.

"We don't know what happened. We have to deal with this first."

The vampire reached them soon after that, and Hannah went on the offensive. Emma watched the fight begin, at first distracted by the flash of Hannah's sword and the inhuman growls coming from the vampire. Then she noticed the blood on his clothes. Emma's heart leapt into her throat, and she almost started running down the road when she saw something from the corner of her eye. Another vampire had been sneaking up along the bank beside the road while the first one distracted them. She jumped down toward Emma with fangs bared. Emma didn't bother reaching for her knife. As the vampire came at her, she reached out and grabbed whatever she could get ahold of and tore with both hands. She had never used her strength this much, and it surprised her how powerful she was. She didn't really know what happened until she was standing in a pile of blood and torn body parts.

Something hit her from behind, and Emma turned with the same rage still flowing through her and tore the head off the first vampire. As he fell to the ground, Emma saw Hannah, lying in the road with her own blade in her chest, and a pair of black wings staining the ground behind her.

Emma felt like screaming as she took off running back toward Charlie, praying to whatever god would listen that she wouldn't be too late to save her friend.

* * *

**A little late on this one because I had some work to do today. Sorry about that. Not sorry about the cliffhanger. Never sorry for that. :D**


	64. Everything Dies

**Chapter Sixty-Three "Everything Dies"**

In the midst of all the chaos, Sam found himself feeling strangely calm. He had been tightly strung all morning, but now that he was finally doing something, he was hardly bothered by the shrieks and growls and blood splattering everywhere.

For a moment, perhaps longer, he couldn't see Dean. They were busy dealing with the flock of first generations which was less of a cakewalk than the rest had been. Even with his ability to stun and blind the enemy, Sam still had his hands full. They were getting weaker, but Sam wasn't exactly invincible.

When Sam took down the last vampire in his vicinity by striking it on the forehead and blasting it with light, he started to realize just how far his powers really went. Every time he used them, they seemed to get stronger, and his connection to whatever the source was solidified. He even began to see flashes of a field of bodies in the sunlight. It took a moment to realize he was seeing through Gadreel's eyes.

Refocusing on the moment, Sam turned to see Dean surrounded by three first generations with their minions closing in. There was blood dripping down the older Winchester's face, and his left shoulder slumped painfully out of place. Sam rushed to help, cutting through what was left of the Alpha's army as he went. Everything was heightened now: the sound of teeth tearing flesh, the smell of smoke and death. More important than all that was the look of desperation in Dean's eyes. He was losing this fight, and he wasn't ready to die again.

Sam shot a blast of light sending everyone, including Dean, backwards. He didn't bother with the stunned vampires. It would take them a moment to recover. Instead, Sam hurried to his brother's side. Dean's breath was coming in shallow gasps—there was blood in his lungs. Sam knelt beside him and reached down, not sure what he was going to do.

Dean let out a low growl. "If you touch me, I'll bite you," he said.

Sam wasn't sure if that were a threat or a warning.

"Just about every bone I got is broken," Dean said.

"You need blood," Sam said.

"Cas."

Sam shook his head. "There's Enochian warding all over the walls in here. He can't get in."

Slowly, the look of desperation faded from Dean's eyes to be replaced by one of resignation. "Run," Dean said, though his voice was more of a breath.

"I'm not leaving you here alone."

"You can't fight them all, and—" Dean started choking on his own blood. "—if you try to pull me out, I'll hurt you."

"I told you I was going to stay with you."

Sam had made his decision a long time ago. He didn't really think through the full implications of it, but now he knew what he had to do. He could feel the vampires starting to move around him.

Sometimes, fighting monsters meant becoming one.

**~oOo~**

The wind had picked up, whipping Emma's hair in her face as she ran down the dirt road. But she felt no resistance as she pushed her super-strong limbs to their limit. She ran faster than she had ever run before—including when she was running for her life in Purgatory.

Coming around a bend in the road, Emma saw something brightly colored against the brown and green of the bank alongside the road. It was Charlie's purple shirt. Emma skidded to a stop on her knees next to her friend. Charlie's eyes were closed, and her skin was deathly pale, but most importantly, her sword was buried to the hilt in her left side.

"Charlie?" Emma didn't recognize the agonized sound coming from her own mouth.

Charlie stirred slightly. She was still breathing. "S—sorry..." she mumbled, eyes still closed. "I t—ried t'... stop them."

"It's okay," Emma said, though that was the furthest thing from the truth. "I need to get this sword out of you."

"No!" Charlie's eyes flew open and she put her hand around the wound to stop Emma from touching it. "The blade is... keeping me from... bleeding to death."

"Right." Emma should have known that, but she wasn't really thinking clearly. "Cas!"

"Huh?" Charlie was starting to fade again.

"He can hear people calling him. He can heal you. Right?"

"Guess so."

"Can... can he only hear humans?"

"Don't know... I'm just gonna... take a nap."

"No, don't go to sleep!" Emma shook Charlie's shoulders as much as she dared. "You gotta stay awake. I'll try calling Cas."

Emma looked down at her friend for a moment before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

_Castiel? Can you hear me? It's me, Emma. I don't know if you listen to anyone other than my dad, but we really need you. Charlie's hurt pretty bad, and I can't do anything to save her. We're on the road. Please hurry._

Emma opened her eyes. Charlie had lost consciousness, but her chest still rose and fell ever so slightly, indicating there was a bit of life left in her.

_Oh, and amen or whatever,_ Emma added.

**~oOo~**

Chasing stragglers through the woods was not exactly what Castiel thought he would be doing during this fight. Gadreel and his forces had things under control in their area, as did the demons. A brief look in on Benny and Lenore verified that they too needed no assistance. The warding preventing Castiel from getting into the building was probably the worst part of it all. He knew Dean and Sam were in there, but he couldn't even hear them if they tried to call. They were on their own.

The woods on the south side of the clearing were the worst for stray vampires, so that was where Castiel spent most of his time. At some point, he wondered whether it might have been best to just let them go, but they would try to find fresh blood as soon as they were away, so he kept hunting them down.

After doing away with a group of four vampires in a thicker part of the woods, Castiel was about to return to the field to see how things were progressing, when his gaze caught something else in the dark forest. Back in the direction of the battle were traces of blood. Looking back at his slain enemies, Castiel noticed their mouths were stained as well. If angels had hearts, Castiel's would have sunk in his chest. He started running back, following the trail of blood, hoping he wouldn't be too late.

The trees thinned a bit, and what little light came through illuminated the scene that Castiel had been dreading. Beneath the trees, lying in the moss and dirt with blood still staining their throats were Jody and Annie.

Castiel rushed over to them. If they hadn't been dead long, he might be able to heal them. But as soon as he knelt beside her and touched Jody's forehead, he knew he really was too late. They were both long gone.

The trees seemed to grown in closer, and an enormous weight settled over Castiel. He should have checked on them sooner. They were only humans, and they were alone. Why hadn't he tried to help them? It seemed as if every noble endeavor in human experience were doomed to meet with death.

Standing slowly, Castiel sighed and turned away from the sight. He realized that the four he had just killed would have been responsible for this atrocity. It wouldn't make it any better, but he found their bodies again, and with a flick of his hand, they all burst into flames. Dean would want to take Jody and Annie back with them and give them a proper funeral. As Castiel returned once again to retrieve their bodies, he heard an unfamiliar voice praying to him. People always sounded different in prayer than they did when they were speaking to him in person. As soon as she said who she was, Castiel realized he should have known. Her mental voice sounded a lot like Dean's. She was calling for help. Charlie was hurt. Castiel took the spare second bring Jody and Annie along with him before he took flight. At least he could save someone today.

**~oOo~**

A stabbing pain in his right leg momentarily distracted Dean. Someone had kicked him hard enough to break the bone just before he went down. It just just one of his many broken bones and other injuries. None of it would kill him, and it would heal quickly if he got blood soon enough, but that seemed like a distant possibility right now.

And Sam wouldn't leave. The one thing Dean couldn't handle right now would be watching his brother die, But Sam seemed determined to die by his brother's side. How poetic. And stupid.

"Sam..." Dean could barely speak through all the blood. "Go... please."

The other vampires were beginning to get up off the dusty floor. Sam had to run now if he stood any chance of getting out.

"It's okay, Dean," Sam said, and for a second, he sounded just like their dad.

Dean was getting delirious.

Sam leaned down toward Dean's face. Dean felt something warm against his forehead, and he thought Sam was kissing him, but then it hurt and he realized there was an open wound there. Sam was drinking his blood. Dean tried to throw him off, but Sam's arms shot out and pinned him to the floor. With his extra strength, and Dean's current state, it wasn't that hard.

"No!" Dean choked out, but it was too late.

Sam fell back as the blood hit his system. Dean knew how painful it was from experiencing the transformation twice. He wasn't sure how this was supposed to help. The time it took for Sam to change would be enough for the other vampires to kill them both.

But as Sam fell to the floor beside Dean, the light he shot from his hand started flowing from everywhere. Sam's eyes and mouth lit up as he cried out from the pain. As this was going on, Dean noticed another presence in the room. Something that hadn't been there before—the Alpha. It was really over now.

"Sam?" Dean reached out with his bruised and bloody hand for his brother, but he pulled back when the touch of Sam's skin burned him.

"Did you honestly think you would defeat me?" The Alpha's smooth voice contrasted with the horror Dean was feeling.

He didn't think he needed to answer that question.

"Do you want to know why I chose you, Dean?" the Alpha asked. He talked too much.

Dean could see him now, walking slowly across the floor, helping his soldiers stand after their encounter with Sam who was still giving off light, and keeping the vampires at bay.

"The one that got away," Dean said, coughing blood to punctuate his statement.

"Partly," the Alpha agreed. "But there was another reason. We go much further back, you and I. Do you not remember my beloved son? His name was Luther. Your father killed him. He took my favorite son from me. I am merely returning the favor."

Dean felt cold, and he knew it wasn't from the revelation or even that he was going into shock. Someone else was there.

Perhaps he was too out of it to be surprised, or perhaps he should have known all along, but when his dad appeared next to the Alpha looking exactly as he had the day he died, Dean knew it couldn't have been anyone else.

John turned his head toward the Alpha, and as he did, the father of the vampires flew across the room into a support beam which splintered and cracked from the force. The look in John's eyes was one Dean had seen before when his father was faced with something that threatened his family. It was the look every monster saw before it died.

"Then you took the wrong son," John said.

* * *

**I think one person guessed who the mystery ghost was. Hopefully it wasn't too obvious. I plan on explaining all that in the next chapter. Please let me know what you think. I've been planning a lot of this for a long time. **


	65. Closing Time

**Chapter Sixty-Four "Closing Time"**

It might have been pain clouding Dean's vision, or maybe everything was suddenly getting clear. John's eyes crinkled in that sad smile he always used to have. The one that seemed to say he was sorry for everything, but he had a plan. Leave it to Dad to have a plan.

What surprised Dean more was that he wasn't even mad. It didn't bother him that his father had been floating around all this time and just now showed up. It didn't bother him that John had not-so-subtly implied that he actually did have a favorite son, and it wasn't Dean. None of it caused the slightest flicker of emotion. Dean had moved on.

But seeing his dad again the way he used to be, fighting a monster—that stirred something inside Dean he thought was lost forever. In spite of the mind-numbing agony wracking his body at the moment, Dean felt safe. Like whatever happened, everything would be okay.

The pain was making him loopy.

Next to Dean, Sam was uncannily still. He wasn't dead, of course. He was recovering from the change. Soon enough, the faint light from the high windows would be driving Sam into the shadows; every sound and smell would overpower his senses. Dean started thinking of a plan to get Sam out of here and cure him before it was too late. But he was soon distracted by the other events around him.

John was still focused on the Alpha, keeping him pinned to the wall. It was difficult for Dean to see what was happening because he couldn't move his neck, and Sam was blocking his view. John started moving across the room toward the Alpha, and Dean noticed the look of stern concentration on his face. The two were in a silent struggle to overpower each other.

Sam's hand twitched. Dean could feel the vibrations in the floor, even though he didn't see it. He needed to get up, to move, but he couldn't. He remembered the flask of blood he hid in his inside pocket, but he couldn't raise his arms to reach for it.

Sam rolled over on his side, facing away from Dean. "Dad?" His voice sounded like someone had rubbed his throat with sandpaper.

Everything was beginning to make a lot of sense: Sam's dreams, the mysterious presence following them, even the reason they didn't look deeper into it. In some way, John had been with them all along. Dean did wonder why he waited until now. Maybe he wasn't strong enough after coming back from Hell, or maybe he thought they didn't need him—though if the apocalypse was any indication, the latter was not the case.

Dean wasn't sure how he had all this time to think these things in the few seconds between John's appearance and Sam pulling himself up off the floor. Now that his brother's change was complete, Dean could feel his mind like he did the others, though the connection was weak. But Sam was different. His mind felt somehow more familiar and more foreign than any of the others. From the floor, he looked much taller and more intimidating, though that might have had something to do with the death glare in his eyes.

Dean saw where this was going, and he needed to get a message to Sam before it did. He couldn't just lie there helplessly while his family fought. Through his weak mental link, Dean got one word out:

"_Help."_

Sam turned his head, looking confused at the sudden intrusion in his thoughts. It seemed to take him a few seconds to realize where it had come from. He gazed down at Dean with a reassuring smile.

"It's gonna be okay, Dean," he said, before turning away again and moving out of Dean's line of sight.

"_No..."_ But the connection was fading. Sam couldn't hear him.

Dean's fingers twitched. If he could just inch them up to his pocket, he could start to heal. He concentrated on the fingers that weren't broken, gripping his jacket and pulling his arm slowly off the floor. Every movement sent fire down his arm, but he couldn't just wait for something to happen. When he finally got his hand inside his jacket and felt the flask, a new problem presented itself—getting the thing close enough to drink from. Holding his head up wasn't going to be possible. With his last two fingers gripping the flask and his index finger digging into his shirt, Dean continued the slow progress of his immobile arm.

If asked to remember how he got the flask's cap unscrewed at the opening to his mouth, Dean wouldn't have been able to tell. As soon as the angel blood hit his tongue, he started to feel its effects. The pain dialed down to just plain agonizing, and his mind cleared. He could feel the other vampires in the room, rushing to help their leader.

_"Drop dead,"_ Dean thought.

And they did.

**~oOo~**

There was so much blood everywhere that Castiel didn't know where to begin. Emma seemed to have bathed in it, though none appeared to be hers. Charlie, on the other hand, was fading fast from the sword in her abdomen. The blood seeping from the edges of the wound was dark and thick.

"You heard me?" Emma asked, standing straight from crouching beside Charlie. She sounded like a frightened child.

"Yes," Castiel replied. "I'm glad you called."

At least he could save someone this way.

Kneeling beside Charlie, Castiel was aware of how much pain he would have to cause her before she could be healed. The first thing to do was remove the blade from Charlie's body. There were many ways this could be done, but Castiel thought the simplest would be best.

"Emma, I need your help," he said.

"What?" Emma looked down at him, wide-eyed.

"We have to take this out. I want to heal the wound as soon as it's gone. So, you pull it out as quickly as you can, and I'll do the rest."

"But... Are you sure?"

"Is there some better way of removing a katana from a human body?"

"I don't know, couldn't you vaporize it or something?"

Charlie mumbled something unintelligible, and Castiel got the feeling she was attached to the weapon.

He shook his head. "It might damage her internal organs. I could heal that too of course, but I don't want to cause any more pain than I have to."

"Right, um, okay."

Emma's hesitation was mystifying. If her blood-soaked state were any indication, she had no problem killing things, but this mildly violent action made her squeamish.

Emma knelt down on Charlie's other side and put her hand on the sword hilt. "Just don't let her bleed to death," she said.

"It will be quick," Castiel assured her.

Emma took a deep breath and adjusted her grip before pulling. In one smooth motion, the blade was out. Charlie's body convulsed as her viscera were further traumatized.

With one hand behind her back, Castiel found the exit wound. He then closed his hand over the entry wound and focused his energy on that spot. He could have healed her by simply touching her forehead, but he wanted to be more thorough. His powers were not as strong as they had once been, even with Heaven restored. He doubted it would ever truly be the same.

It was barely a moment before Charlie relaxed again, leaning back against the dirt and weeds with a sigh. Emma watched her with a fearful gaze as if she might suddenly explode. Charlie's eyes fluttered open and she sat up, stretching her arms over her head.

"Guess my shirt is ruined," she said as she brought her arms down to her sides.

"I could fix that too, but it would take a lot longer," Castiel said.

Charlie smiled at him and surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck. "We're like best friends now, right?"

Castiel couldn't help smiling also, though he didn't know what to say. He settled for, "Your carpal tunnel syndrome should be better as well."

Charlie let go of him and stretched out her hand, grinning even wider. She turned to face Emma, who was certainly happier than before, though she still seemed bothered by something. Charlie hugged her too, not caring about all the blood.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Sure," Emma replied flatly.

"Where is Hannah?" Castiel asked, noting the absence of Emma's assigned companion.

Emma looked at him with a kind of wild terror in her eyes, and he knew why she was still so sullen, and why there was blood all over her.

"They got past me," Charlie said dismally. "It was my fault."

"I should have been here fighting with you," Emma argued. "They never would have gotten past if—"

"It's no use speculating," Castiel interrupted. "Hannah knew what she was getting into. We all did. And it's not over yet."

He stood and dusted off his coat. The thought of Jody and Annie lying dead in the woods came back to him. He could be anywhere he wanted in an instant; how had he not seen it coming?

"Things seem to be dying down." Charlie said. "After the last two, there haven't been any vampires coming this way."

"The angels and the demons must be keeping them back," Castiel said. "But we don't know what's going on inside. The whole building is warded."

"We could get in," Emma said. "What about Benny and Lenore?"

"They were still fighting back other vampires on the north side," Castiel said.

Charlie wiped some of the blood of her sword with her already soiled shirt. "Guess that leaves us," she said.

Castiel shook his head. "It's too dangerous."

"Sam and Dean are in there," Charlie said. "Those are my brothers. I may not be a super-powered being, but I'm not just gonna wait out here while they might be in trouble."

"And I'm going too," Emma said. "I'm stronger than them."

"Killing one of them almost turned you catatonic," Castiel pointed out.

"It was two, and I'll get over it. Some things are more important than my issues."

"Plus it's not exactly like you can stop us," Charlie said. "I know you wanna come to, but we'll get them out. Promise."

The way Charlie said this made Castiel believe that she really would. She would do anything for the Winchesters. They all would.

"I'll go with you as far as the doors," Castiel said. "At least you won't get killed on the way there."

"Don't you just love his optimism?" Charlie asked, giving Emma a wry grin.

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Sunshine here," Emma replied.

Sarcasm was still a bit of a strange thing for Castiel, even though he sometimes employed it. "Okay, let's go," he said, hoping to put a stop to the jokes. At least for now.

**~oOo~**

Everything was so much more clear now. Sam could see like he had never seen, hear like he'd never heard. And more importantly, he could feel things that he didn't even know existed until now. The light inside him was wrestling with this new darkness, but it wasn't stopping him. The sun coming through the small windows burned his skin, but it was a good burn.

Seeing his dad had thrown Sam for a moment. He wasn't sure how to react, but he didn't really have time. They could figure out what was going on later. Right now, there was a monster to kill.

Sam didn't really notice when all the vampires around him fell to the floor at once. He was too focused on the Alpha. John had him pinned to the wall, but it looked to be a struggle to keep him there. Sam wasn't sure how his angel powers would effect the ancient vampire, but he had a feeling light wouldn't be the Alpha's favorite thing.

John didn't look at Sam as the stood side by side, one hand outstretched toward the enemy. Sam spread his fingers and brought forth a concentrated blast directly aimed at the Alpha's head. The monster screamed, and John faltered, drawing back his hand as if something hurt him. The Alpha dropped to the floor, now free to move but weakened by Sam's attack. His skin had begun to shrivel, and his eyes were red where the white should be. With teeth and claws bared, he rushed at Sam, tackling him to the floor. He was still stronger. He held Sam's arms to the floor to keep him from shooting out any more light, but Sam had learned a few new tricks since his impromptu transformation. When the light welled up in his eyes, it hurt like a firebrand on his brain, but it had the desired effect. The Alpha shot back several feet.

Sam stood, and his vision cleared. His head throbbed, and he felt dizzy. The Alpha was beginning to struggle to his feet again, and John was nowhere to be seen. Sam shot out another blast of light with his hand in the Alpha's direction which sent a wave of pain through his whole body. I t had never hurt before, but he was human before.

The Alpha stumbled back into the shadows, but he didn't go down. Sam was about to hit him with the light again in spite of the pain when he saw something moving off to the right. Before he could fully process what was happening, Sam watched Dean rush past. He was barely staying on his feet, and one of his arms still hung awkwardly from his body. None of that seemed to matter. Dean was focused only on the Alpha. He had picked up a machete from the floor. Sam was just thinking he should try to help when Dean reached the Alpha. They struggled for a moment. Not wanting to blast Dean, Sam decided the hands on approach would be best in this instance.

The Alpha clawed and tore at Dean, drawing more blood, but nothing he did seemed to have any effect. Sam moved in beside Dean and tried to make up for his weaker side. There was something incredibly satisfying about punching the Alpha in the face. It was a feeling Sam didn't get from blasting him with light, even if it was less effective. It was enough though. With Sam on one side, distracting him, Dean was able to get a clear shot at the Alpha's throat.

It was over too quickly. Sam didn't actually see the killing blow all that clearly. Dean swung his blade at the same moment the Alpha attempted to throw Sam back against the wall. As their bodies twisted around with the Alpha now between the two brothers, Sam saw a flash of light reflecting off metal, and a sliver of red stained his neck before his eyes glazed over and his head fell to the floor.

As soon as the Alpha's body slumped to the floor, Sam realized that Dean was still in bad shape. He fell back against one of the support pillars, face paler than usual under all that caked blood. His left arm was still out of socket, and one of his ankles turned unnaturally. That was just what Sam could see. Dean started sliding to the floor with a weary look in his eyes. Sam hurried over to help his brother.

"Dean?" he said, gripping Dean's good arm.

Dean winced and turned his head back the way they had come from. "There's still a little more," he said.

At first Sam thought he meant other vampires, but then he saw a silver flask lying on the floor. Dean had come prepared. Sam quickly retrieved it and gave it to Dean. After drinking the last of the angel blood, Dean let out a rough sigh.

"Did he hurt Dad?" Dean was looking back at the Alpha's body.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know. He was there one second and..."

"That's kinda how ghosts work."

"But where's he been all this time?"

"Good question. Guess he'll tell us when he comes back."

"But what if—"

"Sam, I'm sure this is the most important thing we could be doing right now, but how about we get out of here first?"

"Right," Sam agreed, realizing Dean needed more blood to fully recover.

"I'm gonna need you to put that back where it goes," Dean gestured toward his ankle.

No matter how many times they did this sort of thing over the years, Sam had never really gotten comfortable with rearranging body parts. Maybe that was just a normal, human thing. Sam had to keep reminding himself he wasn't human anymore. And damn, he was thirsty.

* * *

**I was going to have Sam and Dean talk with John in this chapter, but the Alpha take down got too long, so I decided to save it for next week. Depending on how things go, I might be posting next Saturday instead of Friday, but we'll see what happens.**


	66. I'm So Sorry

**Chapter Sixty-Five "I'm So Sorry"**

It may have been the residual effects of angel healing or just that she was highly motivated, but Charlie was surprised when she managed to kick the door open on the first try. Must not have been latched.

Inside, the old barn was a disaster. Bodies lay bleeding and headless on the floor, and several support beams were splintered and falling down. The roof looked about to cave in.

Charlie focused her attention on the one thing in the room that was moving. Across a sea of dead vampires, Sam and Dean were struggling to get to them. Sam looked okay on the surface, but Dean was leaning on his brother and moving gingerly. His clothes were covered in blood, and his arm seemed out of place.

Emma rushed ahead of Charlie to her father's side. Dean winced when she tucked her arm around his back to help him along.

"What the hell happened?" Charlie asked.

"We won," Dean said weakly, but with his usual carefree charm.

Charlie noted the Alpha's body lying near the back wall. She wondered why winning always seemed to include so much death.

"Cas is outside," Emma said, apparently noticing how much Dean needed blood. "We came in to save you, but I guess you don't need that."

"Are there many more vampires out there?" Sam asked.

"Most have gone to the woods," Charlie said. "I don't know how the others are doing. We cut through a few on our way, but the angels pretty much control the field."

"Why are you bleeding?" Dean asked. He was really one to talk.

"I got stabbed," Charlie said. "Can't recommend it, but that's why we keep an angel around, right?"

"So everyone's okay?" Dean seemed surprised at the thought.

"Hannah's dead," Emma said dismally. "I don't know about the others."

"We should get out of here," Sam said.

They were all by the door now, but Dean held back.

"You don't really want to go out there, Sam," he said.

"I'm fine."

"Oh, believe me, you are anything but fine."

"What's going on?" Charlie asked, looking Sam up and down. He seemed perfectly all right to her. A little pale, and his eyes were red, but nothing serious.

"I may have... ingested something that—"

"He drank my blood," Dean said. "He's a vampire. Which means, no sunlight for now. At least until we can cure you."

"It hasn't really been bothering me much."

"And I can always tell when you're lying, Sammy."

"Let's let the baby vampire do what he wants," Emma said. "You need blood, anyway."

"That's another thing..." Dean said.

"I'm not gonna bite anyone," Sam said, exasperated.

Charlie shook her head. "When did this become my life?" She pushed open the door that had swung back in place after she kicked it open. Cas was standing nearby, and must have heard some of the conversation.

"What happened?" he asked from outside under the eaves of the building.

They all came outside, but stayed in the shade.

"Lots of angry vampires," Dean said. "But we had help."

"The ghost?" Emma asked. "Do you know who it is."

"Yeah, but we can worry about that later. Cas, there's still some blood in the car. Since you're the fastest..."

Cas was gone and back in less than a moment, now holding the small cooler that Dean had packed in the trunk. Dean leaned against the side of the building as he had a drink. He was beginning to look better, but someone would still have to put his shoulder back in its socket. Charlie wasn't thrilled at the prospect of being around when that happened.

"You guys should do a sweep of the area," Dean said. "Make sure everyone else is still alive."

"Everyone isn't still alive," Cas said flatly.

The look on Dean's face said he didn't want to ask. "Who?" he finally said.

"Aside from Hannah, I found Jody and Annie in the woods. They had been ambushed by four vampires. I took care of that."

Cas' matter-of-fact tone and the dead look in his eyes made it seem as if he didn't really care about what he was saying, but Charlie knew that couldn't be the case.

Dean let a halting sigh pass his lips. "Where are they now?"

"By the car. I thought you would want to take them home."

Dean nodded. He looked like he was going to say more, but it appeared that even thinking about it wore him out.

"We'll go check on the others," Charlie said.

Neither Cas nor Emma seemed to want to come along, though.

"Day's not over," Dean said. He looked up at Sam. "We'll be fine."

Charlie got the feeling from the beginning of this conversation that Sam and Dean wanted to be alone, but she didn't really blame the other two for not seeing it. At a moment like this, they all wanted to be there for their family. Right now, that meant finishing the job they set out to do.

**~oOo~**

The darkest part of the woods had become a grotesque warning to any who ventured there: You are going to die. The trees were stained with blood, and in the darkness only those destined to share the fate of their brothers could see it. There were no sounds, no flickers of movement in the grisly space. Birds and insects had vacated the area, indicating that the silence was not a sign of vacancy.

Frantic footsteps crashed through the brush accompanied by heavy, desperate breaths. It was almost cruel, almost unfair. Almost.

With a clean swipe of his blade, Benny cut through the first vampire's neck as it broke through the trees. A second runner veered off to the left where Lenore was waiting. Like every previous enemy, these two fell to join the others.

"We should move the bodies," Lenore said, wiping a smudge of blood from her cheek.

Benny nodded. "They're gonna start smelling it eventually anyway," he said. "If they haven't already."

"They're not thinking," Lenore said bitterly as she hefted one of the bodies over her shoulder. "He's made them into mindless animals."

There was an unspoken sentiment behind her words of which Benny was well aware: They may not have deserved this.

No further words were exchanged as the hud the bodies further in the woods. Eventually, they would have to come back and clean up this mess. The world didn't need to know what happened here today.

Soon, the woods were quiet once more, ready for the next victims.

**~oOo~**

The sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, casting a glare into Sam's already sore eyes. He was surprised he could still see with all the burning light he had let out. He hadn't been entirely dishonest when he had said he was fine, but he was feeling less so now. His throat felt scorched from thirst, and his head pounded from the light.

Dean had drunk the two bags of angel blood in the cooler and moved on to the human stuff. He must have been feeling pretty lousy to do that. He had been quiet ever since the others left, which was understandable. Sam was still having a difficult time understanding that Jody and Annie were gone. Of everyone here, they deserved so much better. But Jody was the one who said they wouldn't all make it out alive. It was almost as if she knew it would be her.

There was too much to do at the moment, though. They had to find their dad, and Dean needed his shoulder popped back in which he would undoubtedly bitch about, but maybe he was past the biting stage.

"We should make this quick," Sam said, moving so that his back was to the sun which felt a little better.

Dean sighed and angled his body such that Sam would have a good grip on his shoulder. "No counting this time," he said.

Sam nodded, and took a few careful breaths before slamming his palm into Dean's shoulder not quite as hard as he could. There was a brief silence where Dean's eyes looked like they were going to pop out, but he recovered with a familiar "Son of a bitch!"

As if in reply, there was a sudden chill, and John reappeared, looking pale and washed out in the sunlight. That was common with ghosts.

"I see you didn't really need my help," he said.

Sam felt a strange tension rolling off Dean, and he realized there were still empty blood bags lying on the ground next to the cooler. John must have already known, but Dean would never have wanted their dad to see him that way.

At the same time, Sam was having a difficult time figuring out what to say, or if he should say anything. He finally settled on something simple. "What happened back there?" he asked.

"A monster that old knows a few tricks," John said. "He couldn't completely get rid of me, but he bought himself some time."

"And the last eight years?" Dean asked, getting more to the point.

There was a pause, and it seemed as if John might not answer. It would have been characteristic. But then he sighed a little, and shuffled his feet. "That's a real long story," he said. "Took me a while to get control of things without going vengeful, so I stayed away for a while. I knew you boys might need me someday, and I guess I wasn't ready to leave. I'm not even sure where I'll go."

"Why'd you wait so long to let us know you were here?" Sam asked.

"At first, I didn't want to lose control. Then... well, I know I always came between you two—don't argue with me, Sam; you know I'm right. You're stronger together, and I got in the way of that."

It was as if no time at all had passed since they last saw each other. Sam still felt the almost uncontrollable urge to disagree with his father, and John knew that. But time had softened both of them as well. John was more aware, and Sam was more forgiving.

"You know, ghosts don't really learn things," John went on. "So maybe I always knew this, but my world is small. I never faced the kinds of things you've faced. I was just a hunter; you were the heroes. I had to let you go."

Sam couldn't help feeling a little incredulous. "We broke the world at least twice."

"And you put it back together; you didn't give up. Every day you save people, and that's the most important thing, the thing I tried to teach you, but couldn't actually achieve."

"Is that why you're here, Dad?" Dean asked. "To tell us what good people we are and to never give up or some crap like that?"

"Yeah, Dean, I do really think that. But I also know that whatever happens, you two will get through it because you know how to adapt. That's something I could never do, and now I never will."

Sam frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I don't plan on staying much longer. You boys don't need me anymore."

"Dad—" Dean started.

"I'm not really alive, Dean. And now that Heaven is open again, maybe I can convince Kevin to come with me. We don't belong here."

"Neither do I."

"There's still a lot of work to do, son. They need someone to lead them.

"So that's it then?" Sam asked. "You show up only to leave again?"

"I've always been with you. But it's time for me to move on."

"He's right," Dean said. "Sooner or later this goes wrong. It did with Bobby."

"Yeah, but eight years?" Sam insisted.

"It's not just about that," John said. "My work here is done. And I don't wanna get my hopes up, but... maybe I'll be able to find your mother."

"We know someone who could help you," Dean said. "But before you go, I just want you to know that selling your soul and telling me I'd have to kill Sam was a real dick move."

Dean didn't say it as if he were angry or even as a joke. It was just a matter-of-fact statement about the reality of the situation.

John smiled sadly. "Noted," he said. "Anything you'd like to add, Sam?"

Sam thought for a moment. There were so many things he wished had been different, but one big one came to mind. "Yeah. You should have said goodbye. You died thinking I hated you and—"

"I never thought that. Not for one second. And it wasn't because I never gave you reason to. You gotta know, Sam—I always knew you fought with me because you wanted to get to the heart of things. You wanted me to be honest with you like I should have been." John looked at Dean. "And about what I said back there—"

"Don't worry about it," Dean replied with a lighthearted smirk. "I was Bobby's favorite, anyway."

"Really?" Sam said, raising his eyebrows. "When did he say that?"

"That time I was cursed to hear the truth, and you didn't have a soul."

"Wish I could say I missed that," John said. "But I didn't mean it the way it sounded. Besides, it doesn't matter what I think."

"Are you leaving right away?" Sam asked.

"No, I have to track down Kevin. You'll see me again. You've got a job to finish, Dean."

Sam looked at his brother, trying to understand what John meant. Dean just nodded as if he'd been expecting this to come up. Before Sam could turn around again, John was gone.

"What did he mean?" Sam asked. "The Alpha's dead."

Dean didn't look at Sam. "But his soldiers aren't. I can't let any of them live."

* * *

**There were about three different versions of the conversation with John that I had to fit together somehow. Hopefully it worked out well. Again, I'm sorry for the chapter being later this week. Lots of real life going on right now. **


	67. Run for Your Life

**Chapter Sixty-Six "Run for Your Life"**

Dean picked up what was left of his "lunch." He wished he had packed more angel blood, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He looked out across the field. This morning, it had been a beautiful, sun-soaked space; now it was a field of death. He saw the angels off to the right, all in their light and glory, untainted by the carnage around them. To the left, the edge of the woods was spilling out bodies. With this much death, one would think it was enough. But it wasn't. It never would be.

Dean reached out with his mind, feeling the other vampires as they ran in their fear and desperation. Mercy would say to let them go, but that had never been one of Dean's character traits. His drive to wipe out evil was far stronger. It was a drastic step, but he didn't have a choice. There was just something he had to do first.

As he and Sam set off across the blood-slick grass, Dean watched for familiar faces. He had to find Cas and Benny and Lenore. If he were going to destroy all the Alpha's army, he had to get the people he cared about out of the way. The vampire ones, anyway.

Sam didn't say anything as they went. He hadn't spoken since their father disappeared again. It seemed like the way things always went with John. Somehow, Sam had always been more affected by him. Dean was almost past caring. He wondered if that were a result of his rapidly declining humanity. But if he were honest, Dean didn't really think he'd been human for a long time—years probably.

The demons were coming out of the trees, as if looking for something more to kill. Dean tried not to make eye contact with any of them. They were working for him, but he could never truly be at peace with that. The rest of his life or death or existence, he would be tied to them because of his deal. He'd better start getting used to it. He remembered that he had sent Benny and Lenore off to the other side of the building, but that wasn't a problem. He could still feel their consciousnesses out there, and with a gentle pull he called them to come to him. They hadn't been a problem through all this, though they had been ever-present in Dean's head.

It would take some time for them to reach Sam and Dean, especially if they stuck to the woods, out of the sun. The light didn't seem to be upsetting Sam, though he may have just been playing tough guy. Who was Dean to judge? It wouldn't last anyway. He just had to keep Sam from drinking anything before they got the chance to cure him. It would be easy, compared to Dean's first time.

The road was also running with blood in the wheel ruts. Dean saw stains of blood and the bodies of unlucky vampires who tried to get past. He could smell all the death, and it was starting to make him a little sick. No time for that now. He looked back across the space they had covered. He didn't know what he had expected this fight to be like, but this wasn't it. Perhaps it felt different because of all the people he pulled in with him. He was fine fighting on his own. He'd done plenty of that in Purgatory, but it was different when real live good people got hurt. And of course they got hurt; they had followed him.

**~oOo~**

Emma wasn't sure why she felt so sore and tired. She hadn't really done that much, but her shoulders ached, and she wanted nothing more than a hot shower and a nice home-cooked meal to end the day. She really shouldn't have been thinking about that at the moment. They had a job to do: find the others. Charlie was focused on the mission, but Emma couldn't seem to. She realized that the pain in her muscles must have been from the vampires she tore apart. She had never done that before, always using a weapon or breaking a neck. She hadn't wanted to know how strong she was. This power of hers was only good for destruction.

The north edge of the woods was dark, and Emma really didn't want to go in, but this was where Benny and Lenore had gone, so she had to follow Charlie into the gloom. It was a frightful scene, in spite of the low light. There were bodies in trees, and blood dripping down the bark. Emma turned away, trying not to remember the images of wide open eyes and mouths forever screaming. This was what she had been trying to avoid. She didn't really know it at the time, but she had been right to stay out of the battle.

Charlie blazed forward, cutting back ferns with her sword like some kind of movie adventurer. She was a strange amalgamation of bookishness and badassery. Emma still hadn't managed to figure her out, but she was glad they were friends. Charlie was the sort of person you just wanted to have around. She was like a family member, and it was never boring around her. Though, Emma could do without the near death experiences from now on.

Further in the forest, things got quiet. There was still blood on the trees, but no bodies in sight. No birds or insects chirped. Either they had found Benny and Lenore, or something that was about to be prey.

Emma reached out and grabbed Charlie's arm. If their friends were waiting for enemies to stumble through, they might come out swinging. The scent of vampire blood would overpower that of humans at the moment.

"Hello?" Emma called.

Charlie looked at her like she was crazy.

"Don't want to get _our _heads knocked off."

There was a rustling of branches, followed by movement off to the left. Charlie swung her sword out in front of her as she turned to face the new intrusion. In spite of the shadows, Emma recognized the familiar movement of her Purgatory companions.

"Something wrong?" Benny asked.

Emma noticed the tone of concern in his voice. "Define 'wrong,'" she replied.

"Dean sent us to find you," Charlie said. "The Alpha is dead."

"I know," Benny replied.

"He's calling us," Lenore said. Somehow she managed to make it sound ominous. "Dean," she clarified. "He wants us to meet him."

"Then why did he have to send us out here in the first place?" Emma wondered.

"We did sort of volunteer," Charlie said. "He just wanted us to make sure everyone else was still alive."

"Everyone else?" Benny asked, catching the meaning.

"Cas found Jody and Annie. He... couldn't get to them in time."

Emma felt a little bad for Charlie having to deliver the news, but she was glad not to be the one to share it. The looks in Benny's eyes said all that needed to be said on that subject.

"We should go," Lenore said softly. "Mourning will have to wait."

**~oOo~**

Castiel landed amid the idle demons who had run out of things to kill. Their very presence here made him nervous, as it seemed to affect everyone else, but when he saw Meg, he forgot about that. He hadn't exactly been worried about her, but the thought that something may have happened to her did occur to him once or twice. There she was with her devious grin and bloodstained hands. She was bleeding from her right forearm where a vampire had torn through her jacket, leaving bloody tatters of cloth and exposed skin.

Upon noticing Castiel, Meg made her way over to him through thick underbrush and fallen trees. There was a tension in the air around them as if the battle wasn't ready to be over yet, even though the fighting had stopped.

"I take it the Winchesters are still standing?" Meg said with a wry smile.

Castiel nodded. "Yes, they're fine. Well, as much as can be expected. Sam's a vampire."

Meg's eyes widened. "That's... strangely not surprising."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it; those two can't live without each other. How would they be able to die without each other?"

"But Dean can cure Sam."

Meg shrugged. "Just seems a little convenient with all Dean's talk about 'leaving'."

"You think Sam planned this?"

"Who knows? It's a possibility. Where are they anyway?"

"They were back at the barn, but I think they've moved."

"Then let's get moving, Clarence. Any more time here, and I think we might be dodging not-so-friendly fire."

Castiel firmly agreed, and they took off at once. As they did, Castiel heard Dean's voice calling him to meet by the road where Charlie was stationed before. In less than a second. Castiel and Meg landed in front of Sam and Dean. It was strangely quiet, though there were still stains of blood on the ground where Charlie had been stabbed.

"Is it over now?" Castiel asked.

"Not quite," Dean replied. "Cas, I need you to get Sam, Benny, and Lenore as far away from here as possible. I'm talking Antarctica."

Castiel eyed Dean suspiciously. "Why?" he asked. "What are you going to do?"

"My job," Dean said. "It won't take long. I'll call you when you can come back. Meet us at the bunker."

"Dean—"

"I don't expect you to understand this. It's just something I have to do."

"Dean," Sam interjected softly. "Just because it's what Dad expects doesn't mean you have to."

Dean shook his head. "It's not about him. For once, it's really not about him."

Realization dawned on Castiel. "The ghost is your father?"

"Yeah, he's been hanging around for a while," Sam said. "Never letting us know, which is just like him."

There was a joking tone to Sam's voice. Words that would have once been spoken with bitterness were now a source of sad humor.

"Where is he now?" Castiel asked.

"He went after Kevin," Dean said. "It sounds like the two of them will be on their way soon."

"Does Kevin know that?"

Dean shrugged one shoulder. "I haven't seen him since this thing started."

The conversation was cut short as Charlie and Emma approached followed by Benny and Lenore. It seemed the time had come for Dean to deal the final blow. He told the others what he had told Castiel, and the other vampires didn't take it as well.

"You're just gonna kill 'em all?" Benny asked.

"I wouldn't think that would bother you."

"Dean, they were being controlled," Lenore said. "It's not their fault."

"They're dangerous. They'll hurt people."

"So have we!" Lenore raised her voice for probably the first time since Castiel had met her. "What makes us any better?"

"I'm not asking for your permission," Dean said. "This is what I have to do. I'm responsible for what happens."

"Dean, this ain't gonna fix things," Benny said. "There'll still be monsters."

"If I don't do this, innocent people will die."

"And if you do," Lenore said. "Innocent people will still die. You will have killed them."

"It's my decision."

Lenore shook her head. "Then their blood is on your hands."

Dean looked at her for a long moment, and Castiel almost thought he would change his mind. But then he turned away from her. "Cas, get them out of here," he said.

* * *

**This chapter is a bit short, but it's also a bit early since I'm going out of town this weekend. Hope you enjoy it.**


	68. Demons Run

**Chapter Sixty-Seven "Demons Run"**

Frigid wind swept across the flat space, picking up snow like white dust, swirling it across the land. Snow-covered mountains formed the horizon, but the sky drew everyone's attention.

"Cas, are we at the North Pole," Sam asked in a breathy voice.

"Quite a bit south of it, actually," Cas replied. "I thought you would prefer the dark."

"Don't know if you can quite call this dark," Benny said, staring up at the lights in the sky.

"I can almost hear them," Lenore whispered.

Sam had always known that beautiful things like this existed, but he never thought he'd get to see the Northern Lights in person. Curtains of green light seemed to wrap around each other as they hung from some invisible cord in the atmosphere. It was hard to believe something could be so pure and glorious in a world full of so much blood and death. When he thought about what was happening half a world away, Sam felt guilty for enjoying the scenery. He also felt thirsty, which was ruining the mood. Not that there was anything to drink around here.

"I think this was Lucifer's idea," Cas said, looking at the lights with a curious frown. "The light and cold."

"I thought he went bad by that time," Sam said.

"Humans weren't created until the sixth day," Cas said. "Light was created on the first."

"Kinda funny to think you knew the devil way back when," Benny said.

"I didn't know him, really," Cas replied. "Not until more recently."

"You missed the apocalypse," Lenore said to Benny. "Not that there was much to miss. I hid through most of it."

"Guess the end of the world is a good thing to be dead for," Benny said.

"I think we all died a few times over the course of things," Cas said.

"Let's not compare counts."

"I think Dean's got us all beat anyway," Sam said.

"In more ways than one," Lenore said sadly. She was still looking up at the sky, but the lights no longer seemed to enthrall her.

Sam questioned Dean's decision as much as the rest of them, but he also knew there was no use arguing once Dean had made up his mind. This thought gave rise to a series of other issues that Sam wasn't ready to think about yet, most notably his own future. There was something undeniably appealing about being the same as his brother, an undefined creature with powers he shouldn't have. Sam tried to put it out of his mind. He couldn't think like that now.

The sky appeared to become darker, though the green lights still shimmered in the air. The cold didn't reach them as the four friends stood there feeling more disconnected from life than ever before.

Sam couldn't wait to go home.

**~oOo~**

As Dean's gaze drifted across the landscape, he saw the angels leaving one by one. The demons were beginning to disappear as well. Meg stood beside him watching with wary, hawkish eyes.

"You should go back to the car," Dean said, not looking at anyone in particular.

"What if you need help," Charlie asked, her hand twisting around the grip of her sword.

Dean shook his head. "This isn't something you can do."

"You shouldn't be alone," Emma said.

Dean tried to see her eyes through all the blood. "Yes I should. I'll meet you back at the car."

He didn't leave room for argument. He always did that, and it drove him a bit nuts because it was exactly what his father would have done. But right now, Dean couldn't be diplomatic. He wasn't making this decision for everyone else; he was doing it because he had to, because something in him wouldn't let this go.

As the three very different women walked away, Dean knew they would be okay. They would look out for each other. Only Emma looked back, sad and haunted. He realized she had his eyes. For a moment, it was as if a mirror gazed back at him, young and bloody, showing him the future he had already lived through. He hadn't managed to save Emma from it. Maybe she could recover from this and keep her goal of non-violence, but Dean doubted it. It was in their blood to kill.

Once everyone was out of sight, Dean wasted no time. He couldn't put it off or he might reconsider. stretching out with his mind further than he ever had before, Dean could feel every vampire that had escaped. Some were already miles away, some even further. For the first time, he couldn't feel Benny or Lenore. He couldn't feel Sam.

Just as well.

Dean closed his eyes and spread his hands, palms up, as if in some twisted posture of prayer. But he wasn't calling on any power greater than his own. He breathed in slowly, and as if squeezing the trigger of a gun, he clenched his fists as he exhaled. A horrible tearing feeling—as if his mind were being ripped in two—cut through him. If Dean had to imagine what having his soul ripped from his body felt like, it wouldn't even come close to this. The screams were the worst.

It only lasted a second, and Dean collapsed on the bloodstained ground.

**~oOo~**

John sidestepped bodies, some headless, some not. He could have floated right past, but there was something refreshing about being solid again. Kevin was avoiding him, of course. Somehow, that kid knew what was coming, though why he wouldn't want to leave and see his mom again was a mystery. Of course, John had plenty of opportunities to move on himself, and he hadn't taken any of them. Something was still holding them down. They had to see this through to the end.

After years of waiting, John knew his time was coming to a close. He didn't want to waste any more of it. It wasn't difficult to find the one living being among the carnage, though "living" was a relative term. John often wondered how much of his son had survived that nursery fire. Everything since was like a horrible nightmare, and John once thought that if he could manage to wake from it maybe he could pull Dean out too. He never did, though. He never would.

So, John did what he always did: he pulled his son up out of the blood and dirt and told him he was fine. The same fear hammered in his dead heart—what if Dean wasn't fine? John had learned early on how much blood a six-year-old could do without, how much pain a nine-year-old could endure before he started screaming. He protected Dean by making him tough, by never giving him the chance to show weakness. But that wasn't the lesson John wished he had learned. As Dean's eyes opened, looking just like that sacred child John had tried to knock out of him for all those years, John wished he had learned how strong his son really was.

"It's okay, Dean," John said, holding Dean's head up out of the red-brown mud.

"Dad..." Dean's voice was unrecognizable. John couldn't keep denying that he wasn't human anymore.

"You did what you had to. My opinion doesn't really matter, but I'm proud of you, son."

Dean pulled himself up, and John let his hand fall from Dean's shoulder.

"They're all dead now," Dean said. It was almost a question, but he knew what he had done. The fight was finally over.

"What are you going to do now?" John asked.

Dean looked at him curiously, as if that was the last thing he expected to hear. John had certainly never been one to ask questions. Dean was used to receiving orders.

"Cure Sam," Dean said, getting all the way to his feet and brushing some of the grime from his sleeve. "After that... guess I'll figure it out."

John looked back toward the road, the way he had seen the rest of Dean's team go. "They still need someone to lead them," he said.

Dean followed John's gaze. "What are you talking about?"

John could tell the difference between genuinely confused Dean and pretending to be confused Dean. This was the latter. "You were able to unite ancient enemies for a cause greater than any one person. You made a family out of a bunch of people who should hate each other."

"I didn't—"

John faced his son. "Dean, they wouldn't be here if not for you."

"And two people and an angel would still be alive." Dean's voice raised as he met John's stare.

John shook his head. "If you hadn't come back, they all would have died. Including Sam."

"That supposed to make it okay?"

"You didn't kill your friends. They fought because they believed in something. You couldn't have stopped any of them from being here."

"How would you know?"

"I told you; I've been watching. And from what I've seen... you can't leave them now."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Thought you said your opinion doesn't matter?"

"Part of you still listens to me anyway."

Dean looked back toward the road as if trying to decide whether to take it. "I can't just stay here like this."

"Why not?"

Dean glanced back at John with wide eyes expressing pure incredulity. "Come again?"

"You can't always do what I would do in your place. Sometimes it's not the right choice."

"So, your kids getting turned into vampires doesn't bother you?"

John angled his head back as if to reject that notion. "I can't say that. But this isn't my life; it's not my decision."

"No," Dean agreed. "I'll do what's best for everyone. And I decide what that is."

John nodded once. "Speaking of that, you may want to deal with your pet dragon over there."

Dean turned to see what John was looking at. Crowley was coming toward them. John had never liked him, but that was to be expected. At another time in his life, he would be yelling at Dean for even talking to a demon, but it was another of those decisions that wasn't his to make. His work was done here for now. Perhaps Kevin would be in the mood for a chat.

**~oOo~**

Dean felt his father's absence as he turned to face Crowley. This wasn't at all what he wanted to deal with right now, but the expression of horror in Crowley's eyes caught his attention.

"What?" Dean asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh, I don't know, perhaps your recent act of genocide is raising concerns," Crowley replied. He lacked a hint of his usual sarcasm. He was scared. Of Dean.

"Couldn't exactly let them go."

"Of course not. But now you have my minions running in terror as well."

"Good."

"Don't forget about our deal."

"Our deal is that we're allies. Which means we don't do anything to hurt each other. I wouldn't be the first person to break that deal if I were you."

"You're threatening me?"

"I'm telling you how it is. As long as you stick to Hell and leave my people alone, we shouldn't have any problems."

"I've traded one despot for another."

"Your job is done here."

"And not even a 'thank you.' Must start choosing better friends."

Dean turned to walk away. There was nothing Crowley could do to him. And if he was afraid of Dean, so much the better. Intimidation was one of the few things Dean was good at.

As he walked down the road, Dean felt a deep soreness begin to settle over his body. He had come within a hair's breadth of his life not long ago only to turn around and use the full force of his powers against unnumbered vampires. He was ready to go home and take a long shower and sleep for days.

When he got back to the cars, Emma and Charlie had wrapped up Jody and Annie's bodies and put them in Cas' trunk since it had room. Dean started thinking about the funeral they would have. He'd never had a hunter's funeral with more than two or three people, and never _for _more that one. But they would have Mrs. Tran as well, and a big group to watch the flames.

Meg was leaning against the trunk of the Impala as Dean approached. She looked up at him and seemed to know what was going through his mind without having to be told.

"I'll drive the crappy car," she said.

Dean nodded. "Let's go home."

* * *

**So, my sister is having a Halloween party tonight, and a friend and I are dressing up as Sam and Dean. I even found a toy shotgun. Hopefully I can post pictures on deviantArt later. Hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend. As always, thanks for reading.**


	69. Journey's End Part I

**Chapter Sixty-Eight "Journey's End Part I"**

The funeral atmosphere in the bunker was appropriate. Dean wasn't sure if he were projecting it himself or if that was just how everyone felt already. Neither would have surprised him. It took longer than he wanted to get everyone inside. The bodies were stored in the morgue, awaiting their final rest. Dean tried not to think about it, but he couldn't completely chase the thought from his mind, even with more pressing matters at hand. He still needed to cure Sam before the thirst for blood got to be too much.

Dean found Cas and the rest of the vampires in the library. He had called Cas on the way back. The old fashioned way because Cas didn't have cell reception in the Arctic. Cas was leaning against one of the bookshelves, and the others were sitting around a table. Dean could feel the same sense from all three of them. They were terribly thirsty.

"Did you find the stuff for the cure?" Dean asked, looking at Sam.

"No," Sam replied, as if he hadn't thought of it. Which was strange.

"I'll get it. Everybody else should get some rest."

Benny and Lenore didn't say anything as they left, passing Dean in the hallway on their way to the kitchen. Dean didn't have to wonder why. Perhaps they would eventually be able to forgive him for what he did, but his lack of remorse might make that difficult.

The storeroom was a bit of a mess after all the projects they'd been doing lately summoning demons and curing Benny. Dean knew exactly what he was looking for, though, so it didn't take long to gather the necessities.

When Dean returned to the library, Cas had gone, and Sam was stoking up a fire in the fireplace. That was a strange thing for him to be doing, but Sam wasn't exactly himself at the moment.

"This is gonna suck big time, but it'll be better when it's over," Dean said.

"I remember," Sam replied, still staring into the fire as he crouched over it.

Dean mixed the ingredients in a coffee mug and found a knife. It felt weird to be doing this with his own blood, but it also made it a lot easier.

"Here you go."

Dean held out the cup to Sam. He knew from experience how disgusting the stuff was, and it smelled even worse to him now.

Sam stood straight and took the cup, staring past it into the fireplace. Dean couldn't tell what he was thinking. Everyone reacted differently. Then sam did the very last thing Dean expected: he flicked his wrist and tossed the contents of the cup into the fire. It hissed and sizzled, and the smell got worse.

For a second, Dean was speechless. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It must have been his imagination. But there Sam was, empty mug in his hand, still a vampire.

Finally, Dean found his voice. "What the hell are you doing? That's the cure!"

Sam turned slowly to face Dean. His face was set, determined. "I already made up my mind," he said.

"Made up your mind? To be a monster?"

"To be like you."

"Just because I'm stuck like this doesn't mean you have to mbe. Whatever happened to all that 'light at the end of the tunnel' crap you always talked about? The normal life you could still have?"

Sam shook his head. "Not without you. Whatever happens, we should stick together. None of that happily-ever-after will ever be enough without you."

"Are you crazy? I mean, actually insane? Sam, this is no life to choose."

"I know. I don't like it, but it's the only way to go where you're going."

"But you don't have to."

"Yes, I do. We're a team. I know you can't get off this path, so I'm coming with you."

"I won't let you do this."

"_Let me_?" Sam huffed. "I wasn't aware you had to _let me_ do anything. You and me, remember? Our lives may suck, but it's always been better when we were together."

"I thought you said all of our problems were because of that."

"That too. Only because it matters so much. I was tired and ready to give up, but you never did. So now it's my turn. I'm not going anywhere, and you'll just have to get used to it."

"Eternity together?"

"Better than eternity alone."

**~oOo~**

The rest of the group had much the same reaction as Dean when Sam announced that he was going to remain a vampire. Through it all, Sam remained firm. Nothing wavered his determination. In the end, they were all forced to accept that his decision was final.

The only person who didn't try to change Sam's mind was Meg. He may once have thought that she didn't care enough, but as he watched her throughout the discussion, she had a knowing look in her eyes. She understood things in their simplest form. She knew that Sam and Dean had to be together better than the two of them even comprehended that fact.

By the end of it, Sam was exhausted, but he was also thirsty. If he was going to do this, he should get it over with. Once he tasted blood, it would be settled. As he walked toward the kitchen, he tried in vain to come up with some reason to put this off. But it just wasn't safe. If he got used to it right off, he'd be less of a threat to the human residents of the bunker. So far, Benny and Lenore had done fine with refrigerated blood, and Sam could too.

It didn't help matters that the whole thing reminded him uncomfortably of his time as a demon blood junkie.

When he reached for the refrigerator door, Sam heard the door he had just come through swing open and closed again. He turned to see Lenore behind him. He hadn't noticed her following him, but he had been distracted.

"You can warm it a little in the microwave," she said. "It helps."

Lenore had been the leader of the opposition to Sam's decision. Yet, here she was.

"I'm sorry," Sam said.

"For what?" Lenore asked.

Sam shrugged. "I know if you had a choice, you wouldn't..."

"I thought you're whole platform was that it's your choice."

"It is. But I'm sorry you never got the chance to make it yourself."

"It's not as if you had anything to do with it. Your choice doesn't change what happened to the rest of us."

Sam glanced back at the refrigerator. "I know it's not easy for you... And I know it won't be for me."

"You've made up your mind. Might as well get it over with."

Sam opened the refrigerator door. The rows of blood bags were depleted somewhat since the battle. Sam would have to start thinking a lot more about where his food came from. If he had been looking for a chance to back out, this was the last one. He held the cold plastic sack in his hand, and looked at the enticing red liquid swirling around inside. His new, unfamiliar instincts made him want to rip into it right away, but his still human sensibility won out, and he found a clean glass. Lenore's idea about the microwave actually sounded good, so he tried warming it up slightly. Sam already knew what blood fresh from the veins tasted like, and he knew this wouldn't be quite like that. It would taste like plastic and refrigerator.

The microwave beeped suddenly, and it seemed much louder than Sam remembered. He still wasn't used to his acute senses. Everything was loud and bright and pungent. As he took out the warm glass, Sam didn't think twice. Ever since coming back from the Arctic, he hadn't questioned his decision. He may live to regret that, but not now. He brought the glass to his lips and drank the whole thing without stopping for breath.

**~oOo~**

A long night eventually gave way to a cloudy morning. Dean was up before everyone else, setting up three pyres on the hillside past the garden. No one had talked much the night before after Sam's bit of news. They were all past exhaustion by that time. The humans had some dinner, and everyone got cleaned up and went to bed. There would be no getting out all the bloodstains they had collected over the course of the day.

The silence didn't mean that Dean wasn't aware of what certain members of the group were thinking. He could feel the disconnect between himself and Benny and Lenore. Before his decision to kill the rest of their kind in the Western Hemisphere, Dean had felt as if they were on the same wavelength, but that was gone now. There was only a sense of hollow duty between them.

He couldn't worry about that now. The deed was done, and there was a funeral to be had. The thought of saying goodbye to their three comrades kept Dean's mind fully occupied for the next few hours as he carried on alone.

When everything was ready, Dean had to face the prospect of bringing up the bodies. He had avoided really looking at them so far, and part of him hadn't completely accepted that they were gone.

When he got back to the bunker, everyone was gathered in the war room. The bodies were laid out on boards over the map table, all wrapped in linen. Dean knew he should say something, but he wasn't very good with inspiring speeches. He saw his dad standing next to Kevin. The two of them had been scarce since yesterday, and their presence here made Dean think this would be the last time he saw them.

The silence became awkward, but Dean could think of nothing to say. Part of him wanted to apologize for always getting people killed, but that didn't seem appropriate right now. He needed to say something encouraging, something hopeful about how they were in a better place now. It felt as if the words were sticking in his throat before he could even try to get them out. His tongue was heavy, and his mouth went dry.

Eventually, something happened, and Dean wasn't sure when it started or what was said, but he eventually became aware that John was speaking. Maybe it was better that way, easier for someone who wasn't so close to things. It still felt as though Dean had failed everyone.

Soon, they were all heading back up the hillside with Dean leading the way. He thought of the way he had led them all into battle the day before. That had been easier than this.

**~oOo~**

Emma trailed along at the back of the group. Ahead of her, Kevin and John carried Mrs. Tran. Emma had only briefly met Kevin's mother before she left. They hadn't really talked at all. At the moment, Emma was more interested in the presence of her grandfather. This was probably the only chance she would get to talk to him, and she didn't know what to say. There were all kinds of questions to ask, but nothing came to her. It wasn't his ghostly aura that bothered her, either. It was the complicated history she had heard from Dean. Sometimes it seemed as if he hated his father; and other times, he portrayed the man as a hero. Looking at him now, Emma couldn't tell. The things he had said inside about the deceased were vague and generic because he didn't know them. He hadn't tried to sound as if he did. He was like the preacher in the old movies who just said some nice things about Heaven and loss and God but nothing really personal.

Emma felt a bit guilty. She should have been thinking about Jody and Annie and Mrs. Tran, not questioning who this man was when he would be out of her life before he was ever in it. She couldn't help wondering, though. John made Dean who he was. Emma would never have existed without him, and that meant something.

Emma could see the pyres now. In a moment, it would be too late to say anything. It had to be now. But she couldn't think of anything to say. The group stopped, and those carrying the bodies lifted them onto the thick stacks of fresh-cut wood and kindling. Emma thought of Vikings burning their dead in boats as they were pushed out to sea. She realized it was going to smell terrible.

Dean lit the first pyre that was holding Jody's body. Emma could tell because it was taller than the others two. Sam lit the next one—Annie. Finally, Kevin lit the fire for his mother. Everyone stood in a half circle, watching the flames grow and begin to consume the bodies. The smell of smoke mixed with the damp in the air.

Emma shivered. John was standing next to her, making her wish she had put on an extra layer of clothing this morning.

"You're lucky, you know," he said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Emma replied, barely whispering.

"Dean always had a great father in him somewhere. I shoulda seen it in the way he took care of Sam. The way he took care of me. A kid could do a lot worse."

"I'm not sure if I am a kid."

John looked at her with the same scrutiny as a scientist gazing through a microscope. "You're not exactly human, but you're not exactly _not human_ either."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Means life isn't as black and white as I always wanted it to be. Sometimes, there's no answer; sometimes, there's not even a question."

In spite of his esoteric statements, Emma thought that John actually knew what she needed to hear better than she did. She was looking for a way to talk to him, but instead, he had found a way to her. She knew his first instinct would have been to kill her, but perhaps denying first instincts wasn't such a strange occurrence in their family.

**~oOo~**

It was well past dark by the time the fires died down. Dean was envisioning a night of cleaning up and trying not to think about everything that was going on around him. Most of the group had gone back to the bunker a little while ago, except for Sam, John, and Kevin.

Dean started raking the coals to spread them out and tried not to think about the still recognizable pieces of bone and the times he'd done this before for his father, Bobby, Kevin... Sam started helping him in silence.

"It's time," John said.

It was just the sort of thing he would say. The same kind of vague, ominous crap he always said. But Dean knew exactly what he meant. He stopped what he was doing, and leaned against the handle of the rake.

"Your timing is great as ever," Dean said.

"He's right though," Kevin interjected. "I know I could still help you with the tablets, but you don't really need me. If I stay, it'll be just one more thing, one more excuse not to leave."

"Guess it's hardly a funeral if everybody doesn't die at once," Dean said in a deadpan tone.

"Nothing is forever," John said. "Unless you're you two." He glanced between Sam and Dean.

"We never really got to... I don't know," Sam said.

"Exactly. There's nothing left to say. I don't belong here."

Sam nodded. "End of the road."

"You sure you know where you're going?" Dean asked.

"No," John replied. "But no one ever really does. Except, again, you."

Kevin walked up to Dean and faced him. "I'm going to be with my mom," he said. "I don't blame you for anything that happened to us." He turned to look at Sam. "I don't blame you either."

Kevin took a step back. He glanced over at John for a brief moment before smiling and closing his eyes. He took a long breath, and then he was gone. There was no flash of light, no ethereal glow. Kevin was just—gone.

Dean wasn't prepared for the shock the empty space gave him. He always knew Kevin wouldn't be around forever, but there was something about the transient nature of his own life that made the permanence of another's death strange and foreign.

All this made Dean want to look away, to not watch his father leave again because this would be the third time he'd seen John die. But Dean looked at his father anyway because this really was the last time they would see each other. For good. For always.

John looked at Sam and Dean. He looked at them much the way he had in the cemetery the night they killed the yellow-eyed demon.

"I know this is the end for us," John said. "But nothing's ever really over. You two are going to be around for a long time. So do something good with it."

Dean wasn't sure what he was going to say when he opened his mouth, but he never got the chance. In a fraction of a second, John was gone, just like Kevin.

And he was wrong; some things did come to an end.

* * *

**Next week: Part II. The finale. The end. I can't believe it's almost here. Thank you guys for coming along on this very long ride with me.**


	70. Journey's End Part II

**Chapter Sixty-Nine "Journey's End Part II"**

The second night home was as quiet as the first. Everyone was subdued that evening and went to bed early. Whatever sense of camaraderie—of family—they had before was now fractured. It wasn't as if Dean had expected everything to be all right when the fight was over. He didn't have any expectations, really, but if he had, it would have been something like this.

He sat alone in the library, drinking blood and flipping through Kevin's notes. It was strange to read the fresh handwriting of someone who was gone forever. Dean had the same experience with his dad's journal every time he opened it. He wondered if that would be different now.

Dean didn't really notice when the night had passed and the morning came. He could hear people getting up and using the showers for a while before anyone made an appearance. When they did, it was not entirely surprising for Dean to see suitcases.

"You leaving?" he asked, feeling that low, rumbling tiredness in his voice.

"Only seems right," Benny replied. He was standing in the doorway to the library with Lenore, and they both had small bags slung over their shoulders.

"Where will you go?" Dean stared past the piles of notes and books strewn across the table, not wanting to make eye contact with his friends.

"Guess we'll find out when we get there."

"We will always come if you need us," Lenore said. "But right now..."

Dean nodded. "I know. You don't have to explain anything."

If he had been in their place, Dean would be leaving too, and not on such good terms. Really, they were handling the whole thing quite well.

"There are still others out there," Dean said. "Just not on this continent."

Benny nodded. "We'll be careful."

"And if you ever need anything from me..."

"We'll call."

"Let me know when you get settled. Just so..."

Lenore came over and put her hand on Dean's shoulder. "You don't have to worry about us," she said. "It'll be all right."

Her compassion in spite of Dean's recent actions was not lost on him. He didn't think he would ever be that generous.

"There are plenty of cars to choose from," Dean said.

There was nothing else to say. They left, and the library fell quiet again. Dean finished the last of his breakfast and headed back toward the kitchen. When he got there, Charlie and Meg were eating pancakes, and Sam was eyeing them enviously. Meanwhile, Cas leaned against the counter looking disinterested. There was a gray backpack sitting next to Charlie's chair.

"You leaving too?" Dean asked, trying not to sound too disappointed, though he really didn't want her to go.

Charlie looked up at him. "Just for a while," she said. "Gotta straighten out some things in the real world. You wouldn't think spending months in an alternate dimension would make the bills pile up so bad. When it was the end of the world I didn't really care, but now..."

Dean nodded. "Right."

"Hey, I'm still gonna be your backup whenever you need it. I mean, if you want me to come back, that is."

Dean smiled. "Absolutely. If you don't mind hanging around with a few monsters."

Charlie shrugged. "I think we've established that 'monster' is a relative term. All my best friends are monsters."

"It's best to just embrace it," Meg interjected. "Especially when they make you food." She looked over at Sam.

Dean gave his brother a confused stare. "You made pancakes?"

Sam looked sheepish. "I was halfway through when I remembered I couldn't eat them," he said.

"Welcome to the crappy club."

Sam shook his head. "Guess I deserve that."

"Technically, you can eat them, but it feels weird," Dean clarified.

"I'll take your word for it."

When Dean left the kitchen and headed back down the hallway, he ran into Emma coming out of her room with her duffel bag over her shoulder.

Dean felt his heart sink into his stomach. "You leaving too?" he asked. It was just that kind of day, apparently.

Emma looked up as if surprised to see him. "Only for a few days," she said, adjusting the strap of her bag. "I was just coming to let you know."

Dean cocked his head curiously. "Where you going?"

Emma shrugged. "I'm just gonna see what I can see, get some fresh air, peace and quiet."

"Then what?"

"Well, then I'll come back, and we can plan that trip to the Grand Canyon. That is, if you're still here."

Dean smiled softly. "I'll be here," he said, not knowing whether he would until the words came out of his mouth.

Emma smiled back. "Think I could ask one more favor, then?"

"What's that?"

"A set of wheels?"

Dean's smile widened. "I know just the thing."

In the garage, Dean showed Emma to Dorothy's motorcycle. He had taken it out a few times, so he knew it was in good repair. Emma looked at it with a familiar gleam in her eyes. Dean was certain he had looked the same way when he first saw it.

"Now, if you get a scratch on this thing, I'm dead, so be careful," he said.

Emma glanced back at Dean. "I'll take care of her," she said.

Dean showed Emma how to get it started and helped her tie down her bag. Before she left, he gave her whatever cash he had in his pockets. He knew she'd find a way to get by for a few days, but it was still his job to look out for her.

"I'll be back before you know it," Emma said, swinging her leg over the bike and settling into the seat. She started the engine and flashed Dean a mischievous grin. "Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone."

Dean nodded and forced himself to look happy about her leaving. He focused on the fact that she would be home soon. The world wasn't as dangerous now as it had been two days ago. He didn't have to worry about her—but he did.

As the sound of Dorothy's motorcycle faded into the distance, Dean heard voices coming from outside the door. He turned to see Charlie and Sam followed by Cas and Meg.

"Guess everyone's got the same idea," Charlie said.

"Emma will be back in a few days," Dean said. "Probably before you show your face here again."

Charlie gave Dean a hug. "Don't be such a bitch," she said. "I'm not leaving forever."

Dean returned the hug. "I suppose I'll live," he said.

Charlie pulled away and punched his shoulder, before saying goodbye to everyone else. She gave Sam a big hug and almost seemed to disappear in his arms for a moment before resurfacing and turning to Cas. At this point, Cas had gotten used to human displays of affection, though he did look a bit shocked that Charlie felt that way about him. After hearing what Cas had done for her, Dean wasn't the least bit surprised. However, when Charlie hugged Meg, Dean thought someone might get killed. Meg's whole body went stiff, and her eyes bugged out. She kept her arms glued to her sides and clenched her teeth, as if waiting for it to be over.

Dean moved to stand next to Sam as Charlie stepped back to look at them all. She smiled and hugged her backpack to her chest.

"Later, Bitches," she said with a slight hitch in her voice. She turned and got into her little yellow car and drove out the same way Emma had gone.

For a moment, the four of them stood in silence. Finally Meg let out an exasperated huffing noise and said,

"I hate people." She turned and walked out of the garage back into the bunker.

Dean turned to face Sam and Cas. "What are you guys going to do?" he asked Cas.

The angel looked slightly confused by the question. "I thought we would stay here," he said. "That was always my intention, and there's nowhere else for us to go."

Sam smiled. "Guess it's the old gang together again."

"Yeah," Dean said. "And Meg."

The three of them started walking back to the bunker.

"Well, we _have _known her for a long time," Sam said. "Longer than any of our other friends."

"I guess that makes her practically family. Bobby was right."

"About what?"

"Family makes you miserable."

Cas frowned, confused. "I thought it was 'family doesn't end in blood'," he said.

Dean let that thought float around his mind for a moment, and a genuine smile spread across his face. "Yeah," he said. "That too."

_The End_

* * *

**Wow... I'm not really sure what to say. It's finally here. Thanks so much to everyone reading this after all this time. Thank you for the adds to your favorites and alerts lists. Thank you for the amazing reviews full of inspiration and encouragement. In some ways, I think endings are always disappointing, but I hope this one does the story justice. **

**I'm going to be taking a bit of a hiatus from weekly posting. I have a few smaller things I may upload between now and the end of the year, but I will wait until January to start on any new big stories. I still haven't decided what my next one will be, though I have a few options. I have considered a sequel to this story, but nothing has really materialized except a few vague ideas, so unless I get some major inspiration on that, it will probably be something else. I may have to put up a poll or start a discussion on my Facebook page. If anyone is interested in updates, check out the links for my social media sites on my profile.**

**Until next time...**


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